Netflix's BABY REINDEER Broke Me | Explained

real quick before this starts a lot of people told me they had issues seeing my love lies bleeding video so just letting you know that's live on the channel now uh the movie itself is on VOD if you haven't had a chance to to catch it yet before watching the video but just just wanted to put that out there on to the video so baby reindeer is absolutely wild this is the most blind I've gone into a show in a long time I basically looked at the premise saw the word stalker and hit play there's just certain topics that tickle my interest like that and I knew it was supposed to be good but I did not expect it to decimate me the way that it did reindeer follows Donnie a late 20s something bartender with dreams of being a comedian becoming the subject of a new Patron's Obsession Martha it starts as something that you feel might just be like a really intense dramedy Thriller disturbing at times but ultimately still a pretty fun watch and in a lot of ways it is like that but it is also such a very brutally honest look at stalking the ways victims can feel like they've contributed to their own abuse how it can lead to behavior that seems counterintuitive to their own self-preservation how your experiences affect the way that you engage with situations and people at so many moments I was genuinely surprised at where this show went the angles it took how unpolished they let the lead be and then I realized it was adapted based on real events and it just took it to a whole other layer I know that after that opening scene it literally says this is a true story but I was fixing a Game Boy at the time uh and my brain just thought that was like the title card being being typed up on screen and well obviously a lot of it's been dramatized and fictionalized to make it better television it is largely based on two events that happened to the show's creator Richard Gad an assault that happened early in his career and a multi-year stalking incident that would go on to inspire his two very well regged stage shows Monkey C Monkey do and baby reindeer and on top of writing the show Gad actually plays himself in the show which just really adds another layer to what we're watching it was very similar to how I felt watching I may destroy you which destroyed me which I also strongly recommend watching if you enjoyed this at all it is just really heartbreaking stuff to watch how people kind of like engage with their own like traumatic events now obviously based on that little blurb this sounds very heavy and it is a heavy show dealing with serious and sensitive issues so just your heads up if that's just not something you're feeling like engaging with right now I'm not going to go super graphic in my retelling of events but I'm just giving you a heads up and if you do want to watch the show uh most of like the really bad stuff is isolated to the fourth episode but just you know putting it out there I wasn't originally anticipating covering the show which is why it wasn't just completely locked in on the screen and fixing a Game Boy at the same time but this was just such an honest telling of this experience whether every single detail is true or not because of how honest it feels on the emotional level and how messy it it shows the reality can get and that people just deal with things and process them in different ways and oftentimes do things that further harm them themselves each episode just really pulls back a new layer in this man's life some of it funny some of it horrifying and it all just kind of rooted in these horrible events I'm making it sound really heavy which obviously it is but it's also quite funny at times it's incredibly thrilling and frantic and how it's told and I am so sorry for how I'm going to like segue into this ad read online privacy and unblocked access to content are two things I value a lot and today's sponsor surf shark is my go-to to get it with surf shark you can connect to any one of their thousands of different server 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three additional months free now before we dive in I just want to say it's one thing to try to find the real people from this story for yourself and your own curiosity it is a very different thing to make videos and Reddit threads and Tik toks theorizing about who abusers might be with no evidence and harassing a woman who even even if you feel no empathy for based on her actions which is totally fine is still a mentally unwell person who has been charged with criminal stalking I didn't even want to bring this up to like encourage it unintentionally but it is so rampant everywhere and people just have this entitlement to hunting this woman down and and interacting with her leave it alone even if not to prevent this person who's caused so much harm from getting wound up again for the person this show was about who made this show who's asking you to leave leave it alone to watch a show about a stalker and then engage in this Behavior what the [ __ ] also I fully understand wanting to know who someone and a potential position of power is if they've caused harm to someone but you can't just go around accusing anyone who remotely fits the description because you could ruin their lives anyway this isn't what I'm going to go like super super step by step with because I don't think there's much to to do with every single thing it really is just going to be trying to hit the emotional beats and what he does as a reaction for it but I do just think people should really still watch this but I'm going to be getting into the nitty-gritty so spoilers are on the way but we'll just start with the first episode setup now what I immediately felt was so effective about this show is just how it drops us in and usually it actually starts with Donnie turning up to the police station to report his stalker and how awkward he is about it it's almost more like a hey um I I I don't want to be a bother but I spilled my coffee in the lobby I would like to report something I'm getting stalked and then how frantic it starts to pick up when the officers just is not taking it super seriously because it's just like thousands of random messages about what she's doing in her day and it doesn't seem that threatening obviously and unfortunately a lot of stalking issues are really hard to report to be taken seriously you almost kind of have to wait for things to escalate and then add in the fact that due to prejudices and judging people just aren't going to take it as seriously if it's a woman stalking a man which is horrible what they really need to understand though is that it is way more concerning if they're just interspersing all these normal messages around really weird sexual things because it shows a level of delusion that is hard to verbalize yeah I have a lot of personal feelings about the concept of stalking why do you ask and then it drops that this has been going on for 6 months why did it take you so long to report it so now we're peeling back the layers as to why it did take him so long to report The Logical and the illogical the things that he did to unintentionally make it worse the ways he tries to shut it down and the ways he's unintentionally encouraged it starting with the first and the most basic he felt sorry for her pretty standard reason he's a young man doesn't feel like she's going to be too much of a threat just a bit lonely maybe and then it escalates all stemming from a single act of pity taken his kindness giving her a free cup of tea can't afford something right not even a cup of tea how about I give you a cup of tea on the house as mentioned the stalker here is Martha a 40-some year-old woman clearly struggling pretending to be a high-profile lawyer and I just love the way that Donnie's inner monologue matches the thoughts I have like she's flexing all this lawyer stuff and her accolades and I'm like okay so why can't she afford a drink which the show almost immediately presents as a thought from him too if all of this is true then why can't you afford a cup of tea and then it's just the self-reflection on his own thoughts and behaviors just like Reckoning with how he felt sorry for her the second he saw her and the arrogance he felt in that pity but it's that one moment of perceived kindness the free cup of tea that locks her in nothing immediately threatening though maybe a little bit too much intention on him a bit of a crush but he liked her laugh so what's the harm Donnie's pretty unhappy with his life he's working at a bar instead of pursuing his passion living with his ex-girl friend's mom and here's this person that can kind of make him feel special for a few hours a day and see him the way he wants to be seen it was harmless it was becoming a joker around the bar boy Donnie out with it when are you two going to Shag and these are the type of moments to let you know that things are way more serious than you might have anticipated they already weren't primed to take this situation seriously and it can also be very hard to tell when something is more serious than it seems so the barbar is making jokes that would be kind of cruel if she was aware their jokes at her expense becoming more damaging because she is taking it seriously and him realizing that she's kind of taking it weird and trying to joke his way out of it doesn't work it just solidifies her Obsession and the editing here fantastic like we' got a Mozart tune in the background adding the underlying tension while he's popping off this joke just bought a penthouse all I need now for someone to hang my curtains I'll hang your curtains I wanted her to Shar in the joke but she just didn't she' taken it seriously a very poor joke would be super cruel if she was in on what was happening but she is absolutely delighted thinks it's 100% serious and just immediately starts to send him upwards of 80 emails a day with varying degrees of sexual intent and let me tell you being email spammed is not fun because they do not know when you've blocked them yeah I have some personal feelings on the matter why do you ask but about those messages apparently they're all taken from things that the his real life stalker actually sent to him like the typos and all and the most interesting things about how she always signs off with the scent from my iPhone when she doesn't have one and sometimes that'll even have typos in it when she's particularly upset just wild details it then just spirals into a series of small mistakes to try to let her down gently that just gives her more to build off he says they're friends she says they're friends but she doesn't mean that they're just friends a lot of stalkers just selectively take pieces of information from what you say to fit their delusion and filter out the rest sometimes you would even have to directly talk to them you would even have to know who they are and they'll just find ways to make things up but just her reaction to every little thing and how quickly she could amp up in situations I kind of understand why he wanted to see what her life was just poke holes in the lies about her fancy new condo and her job when she never goes to work and just kind of keep a tab on where she is Martha please let go don't you D seeing her Madness play out like that left me with this sense of unease who was this woman and what did she see in me oh no she's going to see [Music] him I know he thinks this is the moment that might have spurned things on further there is just no reality where she wasn't already going to escalate this certainly didn't help and definitely send some mixed signals but it wouldn't matter she tries to add him on Facebook which gives him a chance to scope out some of her Fabrications these poorly photosho pictures of her with government leaders then a creeper shot of him at the bar so he does the logical thing and Googles her only to find that she actually used to be a lawyer but lost it all after being convicted for serial stalking including harassment of a child and assaulting a man's elderly mother I convicted stalker stalking me it's just the inflection on the last time he says it you know he just makes the poor decision to add her back because again he likes the way she sees him he likes how she laughed at his comedy show while trying to reason away with her just needing some help big mistake don't ever do that by the time he realizes he should probably be taking things more seriously which honestly should have happened when she freaked out at the diner he wants to try to ban her from the pub uh the guys working there still mostly think it's a joke he's literally trying to show them how serious it is and they think it's a good idea to send her a six email which again just reaffirms her beliefs that they're together definitely understand the mixed signals here that's why he immediately needed to follow it up with an LOL JK sorry girl that was my Bros I have never wanted to yell at people in a show more than these two men that's probably not true but they're definitely up there so much of this just sets be on edge because of people I've dealt with like thankfully not so much in person like this but it it is rough and most of the time it genuinely feels like there's nothing you can do they can say that all you need to do is tell them to stop but if that comes after 70 emails they know it just takes 70 emails to get an answer out of you so this second episode really starts opening into what makes Donnie the way he is the shame he feels for so many aspects of his life how it makes him hurt the people around him and contributes to his unhealthy decisions like he's dating a transom who he genuinely feels he loves but he didn't anticipate falling for her so he' used a fake name and occupation on the dating site so the whole thing is a lie I mean she was brilliant Fierce witty unashamed everything I was not not to give him a pat on the back for the [ __ ] behavior and just talking about it but the fact that he was actually willing to be honest about it in this work of fiction based on reality that he had the full ability to alter or emit the content of you might be B to argue that he's doing like an a you can't be mad at me for being this way cuz I'm being authentic and honest about my shitty behavior and that makes it okay but I do think he's being sincere and working on a pattern of changing the way he is and hopefully has now changed the way he is he said he specifically wanted to include this portrayal of someone he dated because she was involved in this situation and she was the only one who saw through his [ __ ] the voice of reason he didn't listen to they can see exactly why he's not taking full steps to shut Martha down I mean she was the voice of reason in my life at that point as well not that I listen to her as much as I should have to you she's harmless to you she's sympathetic maybe it's not so much who she is but what she gives you how big part of him probably craves the attention and affirmation she gives him even if he knows it's not healthy or kind to do now there's more going on here with her and him he has a hard time with how he'll be perceived people realize he's dating a transom a big piece of GAD stage work has been Reckoning with his issues of his own heteronormativity and masculinity based on things that's happened to him and we see that here and if that's how you feel maybe just leave her alone but they will explore it but when you spend so long swallowing your shame it is so hard to stop it becoming part of you and this particularly rough scene of him stumbling off the tube from her is followed up by Martha waiting near his home saying stuff that only adds on to his shame some homophobic comments before diving into knowing that someone hurt him assuming that it was a man and the way he reacts kind of lets us know that that's probably the case before she assaults him you're beating I'm making you beat that quite literally made my blood run cold I almost had to take a break from the show but I had to know what happened and what was going to happen but like oh my God no and why did I phrase it didn't feel human it never does that Lon oh my God so he finally blogs her on Facebook avoids the pub but it doesn't stop the emails and because she can't get to him it escalates he comes home from trying to apologize to Terry who is not having it to find that Martha's pretending to be someone new in his ex's mom's cooking club and the one agreement he had with his ex key to be there was to not bring chaos to her mother's door and now it's in the damn house I'll really quickly mention the reason why he's still here is that immediately after their breakup the ex's brother died uh so it's like the mom just kind of wanted him to stick around to just have that presence there like he left the house one day and came back a little more Scottish and dare I say a little better AB sailing yeah one guess how he died and instead of harassing him again at work after this altercation which he assumed was going to happen she just sits at the bus stop outside his house all day and night until he feels bad enough to drive her home and realizes what I said earlier I can say anything to you can't I and you'll just pick and choose the bits you want to hear you believe it don't you him realizing that she does just genuinely believe it all makes him go the route of breaking up with her which absolutely not definitely can't do this because it just affirms a piece of their delusion and they will still just keep selectively taking the information they want doesn't matter if they say they'll stop they will not and she doesn't she turns up at is Big comedy audition where Terry also turns up with her friends to judge the [ __ ] out of him for all his lives thought if anything's going to give me closure it's seeing you fail spectacularly in front of hundreds of people and it's a total disaster Martha loses it at the fictional girlfriend Joe's completely derails his set and ends up attacking Terry Who as a therapist thought she might have been able to help this situation but you know realistically you'd know that if someone was going to be in a stalker situation could be jealous of you that's not going to help uh you were a threat to her delusion that there's no world where you could be helpful here and it is a vitriolic attack pure hate homophobia xenophobia hair ripping there was some blood like the kind of statements that mental illness or not would make it hard to feel any kind of sympathy for this person there isn't a Fu parallel world where I would want you and you think that might run her off but no it won't because that's not how they work and while he convinces Terry not to wait for the cops this is when he finally decides to go in and Report her but doesn't start with the physical attack that just happened I should have started with Terry how Marthur attacked her just yesterday but I didn't I should have mentioned the group on the canal but I didn't when the policeman asked why did it take you so long to report it it all just came flooding back again mentioning episode 4 this is where things start getting very heavy so just giving a warning this is finally bringing us back to what seems to have happened to him 5 years ago a younger Donnie doing shitty Pub gigs for people who'd rather be watching the game before encountering the writer for a top series who starts to string him along with Promises of success and helping him with his show within 2 weeks of knowing him he'd open my eyes to the kind of excitement I didn't even know exist but it seems like he mostly just wanted to keep Donnie on a permanent drug Bender promising him Fame and writing jobs but then just using it as an excuse to have access to Donnie's body in his weakest moments doesn't matter if he's just puked or blacked out Daren takes what he wants these scenes are so hard to watch in so many ways based on the monkey see monkey do show I I think in reality it was one incident at a party it maybe it was more than that that's not me trying to downplay what happened at all I just saw some people really trying to hold him to the coals on the details when this is an adapted from reality story not a documentary stop I actually really like how this show portrays that abuse and how cyclical it can be how you might not want to believe that someone is doing something to you and it's easier just to ignore than engage with it with him there was probably a big sunk cost fallacy with it like you know you've gotten this far he's promising you that your show is going to get made that you're going to have all the things you always wanted that you're just one step away from your dreams and like maybe this isn't as bad as you think it is until it escalates to that full event which I can't YouTube doesn't like the word the r the r assault I would love to say I left that I stormed out and never went back but I stayed for days afterwards and it is a hard watch just as a heads up but how they deal with the Fallout is just so honest it feels so real Darion is a special kind of manipulator he's the type of person that will never give a hint that he's done anything wrong and it will just continue on as if nothing happen stringing along with false promises she's getting Donnie more and more hooked on drugs that by the time he realizes it's all a lie it's too late this man is bad the situation is bad get out and that night's what's really shattered him he doesn't have full memory of what happened feels too much shame to tell anybody about what he knows happened and it just crumbles his relationship with key how it sets it self worth back even further than it was before he even met Darion because it was all a lie I thought it might pass but it became an insecurity which grew into a raging Madness within me and it affected how he engages with his own sexuality which is now currently causing the issues with Terry Gad and his character Donnie in the show identify as bisexual but it wasn't something he'd explored at the time and now he's putting himself in increasingly more dangerous sexual situations with anyone of any gender to take the edge off that assault so that it won't matter anymore but it mattered and it really just left him completely unable to engage with anyone emotionally until Terry but while Terry can see him for what he is and still cares and supports him in it Martha was the one who saw him the way he wanted to be seen and that was a hard thing to shut down as shitty as that is so when it came time to reporting her her I just couldn't stand the irony of reporting her but not him specifically offering her more grace as someone who is potentially quite mentally ill well Daran knew exactly what he was doing and the harm it caused so we didn't know how to answer the question all the way back from the first episode why did it take so long to report so it just doesn't really go anywhere and following that attack things just escalate Martha's harassing him on the streets lying about him throwing drinks at Key which gets him kicked out of his house but thankfully that ends up feeling like a blessing other than being trapped in a party LOF now he's away from Martha somewhere she doesn't know and spending more time with Terry who somehow hasn't noted out yet because I feel like a frud no matter who I sleep with as much as he loves her he just can't bring himself to be intimate with her because of what happened to him like the sheer fact that he cares is what's preventing it from happening and it's breaking her because she doesn't understand why and assumes it is because of her specifically I should have grabbed Terry's hand and brought it to the police station with me but still my shame wenton out but it's the conflict with her that finally pushes him back to the police that he forces them to look up Martha's name and yeah now they're going to take it seriously once they see all those you know crimes but then for some reason reporting it just opens up this whole new world of obsession for him she's confused that for some reason she took it super well with the police thinks she must be lying is super concerned that she might escalate things further that she might hurt herself and he'll be blamed and then becomes just oddly obsessed with her as an individual starts getting off to thoughts of her which just opens up the intimacy with Terry something about Martha being able to see that he was hurt by someone is all it took to break through that intimacy wall as [ __ ] as it is I do know that a lot of people think that based on how the episode was shot he did actually sleep with Martha in but he did not he did not actually do that that was in his head but obviously Martha didn't take it well with the police she is a season stalking professional that was a lie she just switched the target of her harassment for a little bit to his parents lying that his dad's a kid diddler and I've told you you bet you call me again I'll come to London and cut your legs off see what I mean about it still infusing some comedy into this incredibly tough subject matter now you'd think that this would violate some kind of order but like no apparently not because he's is not the one actively being harassed in this situation and his parents live in Scotland so they can't do anything based on reports of harassment made in England so this is just like a whole separate incident now so again he decides to try to take matters into his own hand and it is not good he says that he'd consider getting back with her if she leaves them alone and then gets her to email him sexually explicit intentions so that he can escalate it with the police which she being a season stalker professional is recording if you leave my family alone I will hang your curtains tonight I keep being fed up but oh no you've got to stop doing anything involving trying to manipulate her delusion because it's not going to do anything to make her stop and you've now unintentionally kind of put yourself on even footing in the eyes of the law the police do not want to hear from either of you again which just gives her a clear path to him culminating in a physical attack at the pub why don't you Google something else serial stalker the one thing she can't handle is having that mirror placed back on her she is totally blocking off herself from her own delusions from her own actions from the things she's done and had happened so him throwing that at her and telling other people like hey look up all of her criminal cases she snaps Jesus what the [ __ ] was that about I gave her a cup of tea all back to a single moment of pity now what I loved and hated because it was terrible is that after this she just keep sending emails insulting everything about him before ending it all off with an affirmation of love and yeah it really is like that people like this will just go on these huge angry Rants and then immediately flipped as if nothing happened and it just so mentally taxing especially if you don't know who they are I don't have too much personal experience with this what do you mean sorry back to Donnie who after the attack still goes to perform his biggest show yet that quickly shifts into him having an onstage breakdown about all the things we've spent the last six episodes learning about is my Lust For Success so [ __ ] high that I will go back to this man's house and let him abuse me and this breakdown didn't actually happened in reality like a lot of people are looking for it and because they can't find it they think it's a lie no this is part of what was dramatized for the show itself this whole story and the way you know the things that happened to him with Darion is something that he worked into his stage show uh monkey see monkey do but it was an intentional bit not a breakdown on stage I don't know even if he was trying to lie that it was real and it hadn't actually happened doesn't change the fact that this is just an incredibly effective moment of just getting down to to what you lose when you realize the one person you thought believed in you was just using you and you didn't want to be perceived by all of those negative emotions he had within himself it's why he wanted to be a comedian so that people point and say that's the funny guy you can be famous not for the fame but just so that people just see you as the guy not the shell of what you are and I wanted so badly to be the funny guy and how that all built into him letting someone like Martha get way further than she should have and much like Richard's real stage performance receiving a lot of accolades Donnie suddenly has tons of opportunities popping up because someone posted it online and Martha's even stopped emailing but then she gets phone number for a little lapse in judgment he made with an auto email reply and she's immediately calling him in a homophobic fit of rage threatening to tell his parents about the show framing what happened to him as sick proclivities because she sucks yeah she needs help but also she sucks and he is so worried about how his parents are going to take things but they're fine other than being horrified at what happened to him just really stressing that it doesn't make him any less of a man that his father was abused as a child in the church would you see me as less of a man I grew up in the Catholic Church damn that was such a gut punch like how good is that so he feels it EAS for the first time in over a year until he gets back to London to hundreds of voicemails that he can't stop listening to first to find threats but then just desperately hoping to find the one piece of information that would make it all make sense before she makes a threat against his family and finally gets arrested and there in that courtroom was the last time I ever set eyes on her even after that conviction he just becomes more obsessed with trying to figure her out but she is not the final boss of this story key convinces him to move back to her mom's where he finds the notes on his script from Daren and he feels like he needs to confront him to get some kind of answers from the person who shattered so much of his self-worth but again Darion very special breed of manipulator he just diffuses it even comments that what Donnie said in the video was Brave knowing full well that he was the cause of that breakdown you should come back and work with me it won't be like last time just ungodly levels of mental [ __ ] here promising that things will be different that it's a paying job on an existing show this time whether he thought Donnie might have been recording for a confession or if he's just so committed to not seeing himself as this horrible person it just kind of leaves Donnie shell shocked and he says yeah I would love that as confusing as all that is for some people and how some people are actually just kind of angry being like really would you put yourself in that much risk just for like an inch of clout and fame but it's like he's kind of already reckoned with that aspect of himself I just think it's just a very interesting look at how people can start feeling like they need their abusers or have this like weird connection and attachment to the people that have hurt them the most the kind of attachment you wish didn't exist but you just feel so broken and don't think there's anyone else to help pushing him right back to the shame to anger for not standing up for himself for not getting answers so he is right back with Martha's voicemails in a pub hearing exactly why she calls him baby reindeer that he looks exactly like a stuffed reindeer toy she had as a kid that she'd hug as her parents fought before realizing he doesn't have his wallet and the bartender takes the same kind of pity on him that he took on her abuse is cyclical he internalizes his trauma Martha externalizes it both resulted in people and themselves being hurt not to excuse anything that she's done and she's obviously caused a lot more harm and a lot of people come from abusive homes and don't end up vitriolic homophobic stalkers but it's just this moment of realization for him that everyone just craves understanding and kindness and how easy it can be to find yourself on the other side of that pity I saw some people saying like oh my God does that mean like he's going to be a stalker now or like how easy it could be for him to be just like her to stalk just like her but no that is not it at all it is like absolutely drawing a comparison between them but like not that way and that final realization is How It Ends I know some people felt that it was a bit abrupt that maybe they wanted more to happen to Darion but I really feel like it was a great way to end off this story that things don't always get tied off with a perfect bow that all the people that hurt you don't always end up accountable for their crimes that people are complicated and can make bad choices but it doesn't change the fact that they're still victims and I think it's important to show pieces of media where people aren't perfect victims because very rarely are people perfect victims in the eyes of the media where someone's willing to look at those shortcomings and mistakes they've made and still stress that you know all this [ __ ] happened and it's not okay but then also not try to wash away any of the harm that they caused as a result of what happened to them basically acknowledging all the things that happened to make you do the things that you've done but then not excusing yourself for the things that you've done even if you're one of the people nitpicking every single detail to call it a lie even if it does end up largely being a li lie I think the piece of media as fiction is incredibly well handled and important and I do really recommend watching it I there was so much I skimmed over a lot of details left out and and so much of it is in the performance in those monologues in in the shoot and just the way things are revealed the way things are kind of tied together it is just such an intense watch even if you did just watch this and now don't there it is trust me I cannot do this Justice I was just really wanted to to gush about this how how how this handled um some serious topics that relate to me and some serious topics that I'm sure relate to a lot of people that's going to do it for today's video thank you all so much for watching thanks as always to my patreon supporters and YouTube channel members subscribe to the channel if you're new leave a like on the video if you're into that kind of thing all my social medias are listed down below as well I hope you're all having a fantastic day I'm mostly okay and we'll catch you all later

Channel: Amanda the Jedi

Views: 160,378

Keywords: baby reindeer, reacting to baby reindeer, baby reindeer explained, baby reindeer stalker, baby reindeer netflix, baby reindeer review, richard gadd, donny and martha, jessica gunning

Id: kwjbEqCY3FE

Length: 29min 26sec (1766 seconds)

Published: Fri May 03 2024