Negotiation Skills: Former FBI Negotiator Chris Voss At The Australia Real Estate Conference

all right you expect from a hostage negotiator from the United States you'll say something like how you doing I speak New York to even our group I grew up in a small town in the Midwest son of Richard Joyce vaults Mount Pleasant Iowa about as many people in a town I grew up in is there in this room right now so I feel at home right let me yeah let me play this video first both carrying on a verbal love affair with the word hostage listen you do not hold people hostage or engage in ransom taking to get a hundred percent of your way they're trying to hold veterans hostage to force Obama care of the American people you cannot negotiate with a hostage situation we've got a group of folks who think that they can hold America hostage the president somehow wants to keep this hostage they've taken hostages no person should be held hostage holding our government hostage holding the u.s. hostage hold the entire country hostage hold them hostage don't hold anyone hostage they took hostages hostage taking stop taking hostages they had to take the country hostage whether or not it's it's correct to kind of use the hostage terms of by politicians when you see this as somebody who's negotiated a lot when you see what's going on Washington what jumps out to you well there's two things about that you know on a personal note I like that they use the word because then it gives me a chance to be on your show again you know I have not been able to focus on anything his company is called the Black Swan group that is the baddest-ass name I have ever heard I love that now what is the Black Swan group that's like the coolest what is that thank you very much a Black Swan is something unusual that has a great impact and we like to think that the way we negotiate is a great impact yeah all right all right how often do you get a chance to make Anderson Cooper laughs right all right so I will help you be Black Swan when I hope to learn how to do the little things tiny little changes that'll make a huge difference in the interactions that you have with your clients with the buyers with the sellers with everybody little things so the first question I'd ask is what business you a what business you in I had heard a very prominent real estate professional once say they're in the trust business thank you guys are in the trust business what business was a hostage negotiator in I was in the trust business it's the same business slightly different circumstances real estate it'd be easier right if it wasn't for buyers and sellers but it's a trust business and I you know I had had the the pleasure to listen to several speakers yesterday and today and one of them that really brought it to searingly home to me as to you guys are doing exactly a different type of negotiation that we did it's absolutely the same thing all the circumstances a little bit different so I'll get to in a minute but I would ask you to consider this circumstance I was the FBI's lead international kidnapping negotiator that meant that I was responsible to work on a safe return of any American they got kidnapped overseas anywhere in the world it's a big world and there a lot of Americans so what I was doing we were fairly busy I think the call one day I'm in Washington DC twelve-year-old boys been kidnapped in Haiti now at the time before the earthquake happened in Haiti a few years ago the kidnapping industry and Haiti was thriving and it was it was a business kidnapping is a commodities business make no mistake doesn't matter how we feel about it it's how the other side looks at things and he had a great business model in Haiti at the time it was a really good model kidnappers a carjacker calls one person on it you get a car you get a couple of people you let one of the people go to scare up or ransom so they notify people that there been a kidnapping and you got another person you got a car the benefits just continue from there if they have a car they probably get money to pay a ransom get off car in Haiti you get some money if there are any money you got a car so it's a great business model now what's happening at the time is a lot of dual nationals are getting kidnapped the bad guys do not know that the gravit American citizens they think they're grabbing Haitians one of the great things if you will that I took for granted that I loved about the United States where I grew up you're an American citizen if you're born there very few places in the world that I like that it's primarily a Western Hemisphere American hemisphere function you're not you're not American by birth in Australia you have partial birth rights by being born here but you have to be born of a citizen it's not it's not required in America so the advantages of American citizenship for people from developing countries are very high so what's happening at the time is Haitian mothers knowing that the very best gift that they can give their child on their first birthday is a gift of American citizenship of finding their way into the United States one way or another legally illegally so the child would be born an American citizen this is why all these Americans are getting grabbed in kidnappings the bad guys don't know they're grabbing Americans so as a twelve-year-old Haitian boy is kidnapped his father is not an American citizen but he knows his son is so he goes to the US Embassy says my son is an American citizen he's been kidnapped and your US government he's supposed to help me and the embassy says the FBI is going to help you out now I'm not entirely sure what went through his mind when they told him that but I think he probably thought something about 15 minutes later he was going to hear on a front door and Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones would be standing maybe give them FBI hats just to make them official right but instead a Will Smith and Tommy Lee gentleman shot up at his front door he gets a call about 20 minutes later from some guy named Chris Wallace in Washington DC and he literally says to me you're in Washington DC how you can help me now how long do you think it is before this guy hangs up the phone on me maybe five seconds now I'm kind of been through this before I've done it wrong before I showed up in other countries where they'd never seen me before when I was supposed to be the FBI expert advised on negotiation actually if I'm the FBI's expert on an expert for the United States government they hadn't seen me before they didn't care they want to know my background and I was dumb enough to tell them what my background was dumb enough to give him my resume where I've been trained how many years have been doing it not just an FBI hostage negotiator I actually teach if bi hostage negotiators and when I've done that in other countries in the past they were suitably unimpressed might almost yawn in my face so I already know that this is a problem when I say this guy is all right this is a deal Haitian kidnappers are not killing kidnap victims why I know that stupid because they kill each other at the drop of a hat but they're not killing kidnap victims today is Thursday and Haitian kidnappers love the party on Saturday night so if you do what I tell you to do we'll have your son out by late Friday early Saturday morning he said tell me what you want me to do we had a son out Saturday morning now this isn't that much different from what you're faced with for a variety of reasons which we'll get into I would point out to you that he never asked me how long had been a hostage negotiator she never asked me how many kidnappings I worked he never asked me how many kidnappings in Haiti I wouldn't he never asked me if I'd ever even been to Haiti I've never been dead he didn't ask me if I spoke the local language Creole you might you might ask yourself Chris Wallace lead international kidnapping negotiator supposed to work kidnappings all over the world how many languages is this guy speak by now you've realized the answer to that is barely one none of those questions because as soon as I told him exactly what he was faced with what the landscape looked like as soon as I displayed an understanding of what he was faced with he says tell me what you want me to do the people that you interact with don't care what your resumes are they really don't your resume correlates loosely with what the not you can do the job loosely with whether or not you understand if you understand the challenges that faced with nothing else matters the amount of trust and belief that they have in you in the trust business ramps up explanation exponentially notice also this approach is what we like to call in many cases the delay to save time notice I didn't say to them I understand the market and kidnapping as a market it's a business the first time I got briefed on international kidnappings when I was brought in to become a kidnapping negotiator I thought they were going to give me the secret handshake you know in the secret code words and the man who became my mentor stood up and said in every country you'll find out they're going to have an initial opening demand and they're going to expect for a certain percentage of that demand and they're going to have an expectation of how long the kidnapping is going to take and each and every country it's going to be different but each and every country is going to have that profile and I remember thinking to myself this is a market for human beings I was kind of blown away by that the first time I thought about it but it was a market the commodity was human beings and we had to learn what the expectations for the people that we were faced with so we could navigate that basic negotiation basic understanding how the other side looks at it getting out of your own way what you think of it so you're in the trust business but take the word trust out and drop in the word predictability and then things begin to change because as soon as you begin to make things more predictable and understandable for the people you're dealing with now you begin to help them in huge ways your clients buyers and sellers match almost exactly the psychological profiling reactions of the family members of a kidnapped hostage somebody's family member gets kidnapped their child gets kidnapped and their hopes and dreams for the future of been hast taken hostage have been hijacked when your home is for sale or you're trying to buy a home these our hopes and dreams for the future very same profile you can google the most stressful events in people's lives and buying or selling a home especially selling a home is a very high on that hit parade and the other interesting thing about this is a very same as a kidnapping is when a kidnapping starts the family doesn't know when it's going to be over even though I know I can guess within I know the profile of the case and I know the country that it's in I can guess within either week or a month as to how long it's going to take I know but they don't know they've been to this before one of the definitions of traumatic us is that it's unrelenting they don't know when it'll be over your clients your buyers and sellers they don't know when this is going to go away they don't know when it's going to be over and that is overwhelming for people that's why they call it traumatic stress in the kidnapping business we found out that the families of kidnap victims suffered traumatic stress at the same rates as the victims because they didn't know what it was going to be over so that being said what are some little things that you can do to make it easier when with these guidelines that I'm going to share with you and I heard some of them talked about yesterday word-for-word by some of your top professionals in a room we didn't have one single family go off track go in the wrong direction not follow our guidance when we followed some of these simple things one of the things that I told that father when I spoke to him on the phone since he doesn't know how long the kidnapping is going to last for sure even though I've already given him a time frame and I know as soon as I hang up the phone with him that the fear is going to come rushing back in if he doesn't know the next time I'm going to call him it's overwhelming but I tell him I'm going to call you back in an hour every time that I spoke to him on the phone I said you'll have me back on a phone in an hour the father if he doesn't know how many days it's going to be he's going to be scared to death but if he knows he's only got to last for an hour he can hang in there for an hour I heard Super Mom yesterday talking about calling her clients three times a week no matter what that's phenomenal advice because if you've got a client that doesn't know when it's going to go through they're sitting there waiting for the phone to ring not knowing when it's going to ring the unknown is a huge stressor here's how bad of a stressor the unknown is before I became a hostage negotiator I was a member FDIC what and I tried out for the bureau's version of the Navy SEALs and the FBI has something called a hostage rescue team when I tried out for them their maximum psychological stressor for us to try to get us to break was simply the unknown they take us for a run and we'd want to know how far we were going to go so we know how fast to run if I know I'm going to run for an hour if I'm going to run for five miles I know how fast to run and they take us for a run and they just say start running we're done when we're done now every single time they took us for a run it was for about 45 minutes but they take you out on a run and if you know you're going to go 45 minutes I can run seven minute miles if you run a lot you know exactly how fast you run you can pace yourself if you don't know it's supposed to stress you out especially if they're trying to run you into the ground the unknown if that's the maximum stressor for Special Forces around a planet imagine what the unknown is a stressor for your clients is and I mentioned how far you can go instantly if they know they're going to hear from you three times a week no matter what you have just now stepped up your game in terms of being in the trust business because you're adding predictability to it they trust you more they give you more latitude good thing I love that I heard the supermom said yesterday to which we did and I had to learn this the hard way when we're in the midst of a kidnapping that we know it's going to last months weeks and many of them did some of them last years I would coach all of my negotiators if you got nothing to tell the family call him up and tell him you got nothing bring them on the phone they know they're going to hear from you every couple days call him on the phone and say look I just want you to know there's nothing new and if families would love that I learned that the hard way because there was a Department of State citizen services guy who was doing far better with the families and we were on the international kidnapping so I finally said you know what they'd love you what are you doing since I call them every couple days and if I got nothing new I tell them I got nothing new they love it because it adds predictability and stability and they can now they can cope with the uncertainty Super Mom yesterday said you know what if I got if I got no showings if I get nobody's coming to see the house I call them and I can I say look nobody's been in to see the house and your gut instinct is going to be on it's going to make me look stupid it's going to make me look like I'm not doing anything that is not what it does it makes you look like you're watching out for them it helps in a way that they don't even understand you are now helping to mitigate that stress for them now the other thing this is also which was I really wanted you to get the distinction in this this is not call him on the phone and saying how you doing how you doing stop call him on the phone then how are you and I can remember one time one of my negotiators in the Cincinnati division and we work in a case that had ended up all hostages ended up getting killed by friendly fire 16th anniversary that was just two days ago but we had sister in the Cincinnati area and I heard about this this young lady this woman the entire time because everybody was scared of her when I finally met her in person I was blown away because she was a buoyant positive upbeat kinda like young pixie woman and I was like this is a girl that everybody's scared of because she didn't take nonsense she was a no-nonsense kind of person so my negotiator says you know I'm call I'm tired of calling her on the phone and asking her how she's doing and having her bite my head off and I said tomorrow are you kidding me how do you not know how she's doing this sister's been held hostage by terrorists how are you doing - silly question I told you to call her and tell her you got nothing new it'll take you three seconds but he felt that made him look stupid he's supposed to be FBI supposed to have all the answers you know what computers we get satellites I can't call them and tell them there's nothing new believe me the distance that that will go to help people relax while their child their home their hopes and dreams for the future is on the line in your hands you want to think they normal professional they see my marketing materials I know the velocity of how how the market goes and those are pitfalls touch base with them regularly and just give them simple updates and you'll be amazed at how far it will go and don't don't start by saying how you doing maybe you inquire about how they are after you've given them the information there's another really small trick also to communication people don't remember things how they happened people remember them by the most intense moment and how it ended if you move your genuine inquiry to how they are personally from the beginning of the call to the end of the call then every single ending interaction that you have with your clients the last impression is the lasting impression the last impression is you genuinely inquiring as to how they are calling first deliver the information whether it be good or bad and I'll give you another clue on delivering bad information in a moment and then make that genuine honest inquiry that you have about who they are as human beings for the end the last impression is a lasting impression that is what they will remember and that's what they carry forward to the next call that's a rule that covers all aspects of negotiation we learn this in different hostage takings and kidnappings because people are so concerned about first impressions they very rarely focused on last impressions the last impression is the last impression control your last impressions find a way then positively no matter what because that is what lingers in people's minds you've got bad news call them on the phone and say I've got bad news bang and then hit them with it kind of telling someone that you've got bad news is like brace yourself they brace yourselves and then the punch so the kidnapping that I refer to where people died when I got I got a call the negotiator to call me since I've got bad news Martin is dead and he gave me just enough time to brace myself so I wouldn't get caught off guard and I spent the rest of the day making my phone calls exactly like that I was so appreciative of being given the bad news that quickly you're going to want to say I've got bad news I want you to react negatively I'm sorry I don't want you to feel bad you can say a whole bunch of things give him a warning brace yourself it's coming and bang hit them and they will appreciate that and in this is how we're going to deal with you've got an issue where something has gone wrong with a purchase or sale of a house I get bad news this happened this is how we're going to deal with it they will love you for that they know things are going to go wrong they don't expect perfection but they want to be able to rely on you and you begin to put things in context for them and that's when your expertise as a real estate professional really begins to shine all the reasons why they hired you in the first place because there's your knowledge of the market and demonstrating how you're going to deal with glitches because regardless of the market you guys know their problems you know meteors are coming this is how you handle it an emotionally intelligent way so was this guy is this guy crazy see hi what's this American smoking what's wrong with yes that was what they you know why is yes wrong it was a chapter that sold my book to my publisher was initially yes is the last thing you want to hear and yes has been described this most beautiful word in English language to be how could it be the last thing we want to hear and the most famous negotiating book in the world is getting to yes right and even doctor shall Dini who was here yesterday he's got a book called fifty scientifically proven ways to get to yes which I bought because it's like 50 ways to leave your lover writes fifty scientifically proven ways to get the yes I want those fifty ways because we love yes it's an interesting story supposedly when John Lennon first began to fall in love with Yoko Ono he went to this art exhibit that she put together was like this obstacle course art exhibit where he climbed over stuff and he crawled under stuff and then you've got to this rickety ladder and you climb the ladder and at the top was a telescope and you look through the telescope and far letters on the farm and small letters on a far wall with the words yes let me ask you something fuller pick up the phone at the voices have you got a few minutes to talk would initially what's your initial reaction tighten up a few minutes to talk five fifteen minutes to talk to I want to talk to you I have a few minutes to talk and I want to talk to you do I want to talk about what you want to talk about you know there's not a man on the planet that hasn't got a call for the most important person in the world he picks up the phone she says can we talk and he thinks well I know I like talking to you but somehow I don't think I want to talk about what you want to talk about after that how long is a few minutes I gotta I got an attorney colleague he gets this long agenda he calls me on the phone and says have you got a few minutes to talk it's 45 every time right and finally how I get off the phone now what's the problem with that all these things are going through somebody's mind if they've said yeah yes okay go ahead but all these things are going through their mind they're not paying attention that's the first problem the second problem is nobody ever asks you to say yes to anything unless it's going someplace would you like to make more money would you like to be more successful would you like to have more free time buy my book nobody ever asks you yes unless it's going someplace ever and experiment with this a little bit because you cannot get a straight flat yes out of anybody my son and I were talking about this the other day we walked up to a guy but he was a security guard in the building that were in he had the name of his guard company on his on his uniform allied security so he walk up and we'll get handed on my identification on the way out and I look at him and I said do you work for allied security he goes well yeah couldn't give me a straight yes people can't say yes straight out because people are worried about what it's going to let them to let them in for because yes is always leading in them into a trap always always always always stood in mine at USC's going on a honeymoon and a resort offseason and they're offering discounts in a regular rooms off-season but not the bungalows he knows the bungalows are empty he wants to negotiate but they're not offering discounting he wants a discount on a bungalow he gets the manager on a phone and he says it's the offseason right simply trying to confirmed an innocent fact but his manager knows it's going someplace everybody does this experiment with it stop this weekend there tonight next time you had a shopping mall go to your favorite store what so what's this sister I know you guys don't have do you guys have nord since you have no chance here go to your favorite store in the mall stand outside I was a there was a Woolworths over here in a shopping center sorry stand outside Wars stop people just before they're going in say tonight shopping at Wallace I bet they don't go in I bet if you do that long enough they call the police on you so it's a problem but we love the hint but we're driving for we don't know how how nervous we make other people and the interesting thing was when I was working on my book one of the writers that I work with said as a hostage negotiator Chris how'd you get hostage takers to say yes the only question ever asked me to completely stumped me and just went completely sigh and I said we didn't it's useless not one single hostage negotiation technique designed to get somebody to say yes not one I will tell you as an aside note also the hostage negotiation teams in Australia and the United States and Hong Kong in a Cape Town South Africa and Tokyo Japan and Bogota Colombia all used the same skills the exact same skills because they work on human beings and that's a universal component before we were any ethnicity before we were even gender we were human beings and these skills work on human banks so instead of getting to say yes this is only want to get people to say that's right that's right as what you say when you hear something is a complete truth that's right is when you feel connected to somebody now I would point out that that's not that's right is not the same as your right you're right is a problem you're right is the biggest fake agreement there is your right is when somebody you're working with is hounding you about something that you don't want to do and you and they won't leave you alone they won't listen to you so you look them in the eye and you say you're right and you get the big smile and they walk away and they leave you alone and they come back the next day and they start in on you again and you go you're right and they leave again so we tell people that we want to maintain a relationship with we like them or we have to maintain the relationship we just wanted to shut up and go away it's code for please shut up but that's right on the other hand is huge let me introduce you to a friend of mine American kidnapped in the Philippines another Philippines story he's got himself in the hands of this guy ed to the bone straight out of the movies sociopathic rape and murder and headshop and terrorist this guy was always photographed if you're terrorists you like the media that's why you're in the tourism business you want attention couldn't get attention as a kid this is one way to get attention as an adult he always had the same outfit on sunglasses black bandana black t-shirt camo pants 45 on the side thought it made him look dashing big ego guy he's got our American I am coaching this guy and the international is a leading international kidnapper negotiator for the FBI what it really was was an international negotiation coach that's how I didn't need to speak the language I know negotiations I know human dynamics I just need to find somebody that's coachable this guy's coachable he was a superstar he also happened to be the head of their special action force Asaf their version of Navy very smart guy understood how to learn took the coaching but make no mistake my negotiator wanted to kill my killer and he had a little bit of trouble sort of reconciling second to this nice approach his tactical empathy approach so much so that we're working together late one night and he's kind of getting it but he's not quite embracing it entirely because he wants to kill our bad guy and we're sitting in on coaching him when I see his smile come over his face a bad guy's name is sabayon and my guys bendji and I look at Benjy and I say I realize I gotta getta that's right out of Benjy they say you hates the bite don't you he says I tell you I do he's murdered and he's raped he's cut the heads off of innocent people why they couldn't do anything about it he's come on all radios while we were bombing his position and said these mortars or music to my ears in the only way that he can do that is if he's standing over the body of one of my colleagues I hate him and with that I saw Benjy center himself and really fall into line and he was ready to follow the direction that I was giving him now this entire kidnapping while this is going on the demand for American is 10 million dollars but it's not a ransom demand because our killer is smarter than that he wants 10 million dollars in war damages for 500 years of oppression from the Spanish to the Japanese to the American city atrocities committed by the American general blackjack Pershing to the violation of the fishing rights to the economic harm from over 500 years for free colonial oppressors you might ask yourself wow those things may have happened what does that have to do with our American doesn't matter were you ever in an interaction where somebody was throwing tons of reasons for what they wanted at you that made no sense kind of nature of human beings so we're going back and forth and we can't get this 10 million dollars reduced off the table anything and one day I said we're going to press the reset button here you're going to get sub aya our killer you're going to get him to say that's right that your one goal of next conversation you're going to summarize all this nonsense what he said and how he feels about it that's the hard part for everybody you want to take the facts and put your spin on them we're going to go with their spin what they say about it you're going to talk about the five hundred years of oppression the injustice is the economic harm and you're going to keep talking and tell sabai has no choice but to say that's right two days later my negotiator get the killer on the phone and says you're not after ransom for Jeffrey Schilling you're after war damages because of the economic harm for five hundred years of oppression the Spanish the Japanese to the American city atrocities committed by the American imperialist invaders the injustice of it all the violation the economic harm and he goes on and on and on and on and they go silent and subbaiah goes silent and he says that's right they sit in silence for a moment my guy citizens talk again in a couple of days hang up the phone we go from ten million dollars to zero in that conversation that was the last time they ever mentioned money the entire duration of the kidnapping kidnapping lasts a couple more months it has some ups and downs they try to get some other intermediaries involved finally the American walks away he walks away on Monday Thursday the Thursday before Easter the America the Philippine military finds out that he's not walking around loosing to South affiliates they fly down they pick him up they learn about the Philippine military claims that they rescued him in a daring rescue operation shot all these terrorists wounded them they crawl off into the jungle and died that's why we don't have any bodies and show you flew Jeffry out of there I'm back in the Philippines about three weeks later on a Nora kidnapping I catch up with my guy Benji he says you're not going to believe who called me on the phone I don't know conjure sabai somebody still got my guys undercover cellphone knows and buddy's undercover name figures he had to have been either with the police of the military just because he's not stupid that's the only way somebody would be talking to had to be from the government so by calls Benji on the phone and says have you been promoted I have no idea what it was that you said to me on the phone I was going to kill the American he kept me from doing it they should promote you he high on you guys ever see that Billy Crystal Robert De Niro movie analyzes there goes you you got against you you're good you that's what's abaya was saying the terrorists the killer is saying to my negotiator that has beaten him in every single way this terrorists got nothing his entire organization ended up in a shambles he actually ultimately ended up losing his job as a terrorist negotiator and he's still respected them enough that's the way you want to leave people at all times that's the key to an includes an ongoing and steady stream of referrals a steady diet of referrals not always prospecting for new clients if you leave people saying that's right with you a connection that they feel with you if a killer sociopath can feel that connected and not much respect to a government negotiator imagine how much negativity that kind of connection overcomes in other traumatic instances such as people by you helping them buying and selling their and dreams and a vision for a future they will not expect everything to go their way but a solid connection with them on a regular basis makes a big difference this is an old advice Carl Rogers was a guy who was just a psychologist in the 70s in the US and he started he sort of brought this comp concept of empathy back to us one of the things that I was kind of loved about using Carl Rogers is empathy and kidnappings was because you know I've googled him a couple of times I think his middle name was actually ransom I could figure know this nice guy if he knew that I was beaten terrorists with what he taught you know I don't know if he'd be happy or sad about it but this is also the steven covey advice seek first to understand then be understood come he told us to do this but we didn't really know exactly how to do it most people want to look at somebody and say I understand and think that the other person feels understood when the other person looks at you in the eye and says that's right that's when they feel understood that's when the bond between the two of you have been established that's when the other person is looking at you and saying I feel empathy from you and now I feel connected to you I took I took this training and I get brought into an oil company he said we need to we need business negotiation but I can't pay for that because what was security and the other executives in the country and the company don't want us being negotiating against them so give us some kidnap negotiation training go to work in business interactions what do you got I said I got that's right let me come down teach it to you to be perfect I taught it to him improve I'm back in in Houston a few months later one of the guys in a pro training comes up to me says Kevin I couldn't wait to tell you after the training I was on the phone with my ex-girlfriend she got oh that's right out of me I was good with it when it happened I'm still good with it that's how you want to leave people in your interactions you want them to feel connected to you they're not going to expect to get everything but they are going to expect for you to look out for them and treat them as if you're connected to them you back up work on this this is going to be a little bit of a difficult habit to break getting out of the yes habit you have a yes addiction to give you an idea of how tricky it can be to break the ester diction because this isn't complicated make it fist with these are hand put your right thumb up put your left forefinger out now switch switch back switch speed up quicker clear quicker if I had to do that where you were standing some of you would almost have fallen over was that complicated well it was awkward your brain is not used to doing that your brain can get used to doing it without with a little bit of practice but initially that's the greatest barrier to learning the initial awkwardness you're going to feel ridiculously awkward getting away from your yes addiction you use yes to be respectful to you just to be appreciative you have a lot of great reasons for using yes but unfortunately so many other people are trapping everyone else with yes that most of humanity is reacting like battered children you try to hug a battered child they're still going to duck even though you meant to hug them wasn't your fault but it's still the syndrome that everybody is dealing with so if you want to know more and only if you'd like to know more I can promise you if you just move that's right into your interactions and yes out you're going to make an exponential leap forward you're going to be delighted at the number of deals that you will make when you were getting ready to give in that in and of itself sold my entire book there's more there if you want it only if you want it we also have a newsletter that's free of a no call a colleague of mine used to like to say if it's free I'll take three but I want to help you get better you can move your businesses forward slight to millimeter changes alright now I would ask all of you to stand up please remember I told you before about Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones the men in black they actually worked for me and a little red flashy thing they got on our cell phones now everybody look up here alright stay there you are now all black swans you appreciate that you are helping people in some of the most stressful moments of their lives when their hopes and dreams for the future on the line you will guide them through that and continue to build your businesses as a trusted advisor enjoy the rest of the conference [Applause]

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Keywords: Negotiation skills, negotiation training, keynote speaker, win-win, getting to yes, the art of the deal, crucial conversations, the black swan group, negotiation tips, real estate, real estate negotiation, negotiation expert, negotiation speaker, keynote speech, communications expert, tactical empathy, never split the difference

Id: PPfhZsAGsEI

Length: 45min 53sec (2753 seconds)

Published: Sat Jul 01 2017