Near-Death Experience as a Nurse's Rite of Passage

thank you very much it's a pleasure to be here and I'm really excited I finally meet Judith we've been talking back and forth online for a couple months and so it's it's nice to be in Texas so I'm going to start off with a little bit of history about where I came from when I was younger when I was younger I was extremely scared of the dark like to the point where if I needed to go from my front door to my car I would actually ask my husband to stand at the door so I could make it to the car and then when I would go from the car to the hospital I would have a staff meet me outside so I could walk from my car into the hospital because the dark petrified me almost to a hyper anxiety situation where I really just didn't want to go outside after after dark and that's important because once I tell you my story you will see the significance of that so um I've been a nurse for maybe about a year not very long and I felt like God had pushed me in that direction there were certain things in my life that happened in a pattern and I ended up being a nurse so it wasn't like I grew up wanting to be a nurse forever and ever and ever it was this set of patterns and that's how I've always lived my life as I watched the patterns and I let God guide me and I can see certain things that say oh I get it now that's why that happens so this can happen so that can happen even if it's if it's a traumatic incidents then I know I can see the pattern of why it's going so I end up being a nurse because I felt a lot of compassion and I knew that I was supposed to help change people and and provide a listening heart and and provide a certain level of care and that was seen as the next step so I was a nurse and I ended up having knee surgery because I'm kind of accident-prone and popped my ACL and so I was having knee surgery and I went into or and I remember talking to the physician and all the staff because I had worked at that facility and here I was just no big deal it was just surgery now we do that every day we're always either in surgery at ER ICU this is something that's totally routine for us and I get out of surgery and I'm in recovery and I remember them telling me that they had given me 20 milligrams of morphine and I thought that's awfully a lot but maybe I misheard it you know because when you're coming in and out of consciousness through the surgery there are things that you hear or you say there are things you say that the nurses look at you like you are completely crazy so you know I just dismissed it I went in to my room my husband was at the room with me and the nurse came in and was doing her assessment and she said to me are you in any pain and I remember thinking no and I said no I'm not in pain but I can feel my leg meaning I know they didn't cut my leg off but I can feel it right and she goes well let's stay on top of that and she gave me a hundred milligrams of Demerol which I'm very very sensitive to medication so let's put this in perspective if I had 12 milligrams of Demerol I would be totally fine but she gave me a hundred milligrams of Demerol I remember thinking oh that didn't even hurt like her to me the shot didn't hurt that's pretty cool I like this medicine it doesn't even hurt and then it was black pure black now remember I was scared of the dark right I mean petrified of the dark and I was in a room or in a in a environment that was so black that when I held my hands up in front of me I could not and see them and I remember thinking I know my hands are attached my body how come I can't see them it is so black and then I realized wait a minute I'm not even scared why am I not scared doesn't that seem odd that I'm just here and then I looked at my hands doing this and going oh hey it's getting lighter and then from that point I saw myself standing in the darkness and I remember seeing myself standing in the darkness and I couldn't quite stinky who is that but I knew what was does that make sense I knew that was me but then at the same time I was like how can I be there when I'm here and I'm standing in the dark and not afraid and then I all of a sudden was back into me and everybody says there's this tunnel right but what I saw was light and where that light was so bright that I made the darkness seemed like there was a tunnel and then I started moving toward that and then I hear oh her blood pressures 90 over 30 I think we've got her back and I said 90 over 30 90 over thirty nine ninety over thirty that's really low and she says yes she's awake she's awake and I remember going wait a minute 90 over 30 is really low I said all I was doing was sleeping and she turned to me and she goes no honey you were dead and I said I haven't slept like that since I was in high school as awesome and the anesthesiologist at this point can focus on what was going on after the narcan I don't know narcan makes you like vomit but I get focus and I saw the mask and I saw the geologist over me wondering if he needed to keep bagging me I look at the end of my bed there's all these people around me and my husband is standing there with two guards holding him back with a crash cart in front of him and I'm like wow all these people are here this is so cool so it was quite an experience right but from that point I went home I thought why do I exist why am I here this sucks why did I get put back on this earth when I was at that point of living in so much fear before that happened and there was so much peace and now I'm back you know of course I have my kids and I have my loving husband and I have all those things that I should want to live for but and it wasn't I mean to be honest with you it wasn't until today the one I heard dr. Grayson say that from that point you're always looking for something to fulfill you you're always looking for that one thing that's going to give you all that passion back and you can't find it and that has been my life for years I this happened like what 15 years ago so for for the last 15 years I've been in this big depression of why am I here what's the significance what why am i a nurse first off I was I became very dissatisfied with nursing very very dissatisfied with nursing and part of it in the years of discovering why I would be dissatisfied isn't because I don't want to save somebody's life that's not I mean CPR when you do CPR it's a good day at work I like CPR it's one I'm doing CPR on a bilateral amputee who is on dialysis who has stage 4 cancer and I'm bringing her back to the trauma remember that one I know if you were here but the one case study where she was up there and then all of a sudden she came back into her body and it was traumatic that's where we're doing every time we're doing CPR on somebody there in that world of love and we're bringing him back in a traumatic environment and I couldn't cope with that it wasn't that I didn't like it I just couldn't cope with it so I almost came fascinated with death with the transformation now if anybody been with something when they've died but when they die it's there there and there's a spiritual change and if you're really in tune with that you can feel it you can feel their spirit lift and then they're not there that is like the coolest thing ever it's almost came fascinated with that to the point where when I was doing labor and delivery I realized I was at first connection that that soul had because the nurses are the first to touch the baby that it was a negative imprint I was negatively imprinting on those babies my just fat is my dissatisfaction with life so I had to go through some energy healing and some emotional healing and God had to fire me and tell me I had to get up nursing for a while and till I could come to understand where I'm at today but it was a long it was a long depressing time but now I get it I get it that's the coolest thing so that's that's my story your turn ah okay I've liked Deb said I've been a nurse for a little over 40 years and what as I will share I knew nothing about Indies when I had my first experience that was in 1997 I had moved into a small loft apartment and I had a cat and I fell asleep and in my bed and I woke up with what I thought was my cat sitting on my head because I was pushing my face into the pillow so I reached up with this hand to brush the cat away and what I felt was the gloved hand of a man pushing my face into a pillow and I reached up like this and I could see the silhouette of him poised over me with his arm raised and then the next thing I felt was intense pain I remember thinking oh that hurt and then and I thought about this from I couldn't explain it for many many years but I felt like so I was being raised up into the air and I thought well maybe this crazy guy that broke in my apartment was trying to lift me up and I thought well no is felt more like just floating and then I was standing and I was looking down at the bed and I had that similar sense of detachment I could see someone in the bed but you know and I thought well ok that's probably me and who cares and the room was full of a very you think you can tell there's these really bright lights in the room and they're very harsh on your eyes well the light that filled the room was just as bright as this but it was not harsh at all this was 4:30 in the morning and it was on November 7th 1997 so there was no sunlight and I had one small window in my loft apartment whose 500 square feet so it wasn't anything from the Sun but it was filled with this light and I remember thinking okay there that is and then the next experience I was enveloped in the most beautiful blackness it was total darkness but it yet it was alive and it was caring and nurturing and I felt wonderful there and then I saw up to the to the right this round oval circle filled with what could only be described as the most brilliant diamonds on a black velvet and I was thinking wow that's beautiful and I started to move towards it and then I was back and I was no longer in the blackness and the beautiful sparkling lights were gone but I was in that gray and white realm and I was listening to beings that felt familiar and I felt safe and they were telling me things and I said well what do I do now and they said scream I remember thinking okay and then I felt a thud and as I felt the thud I could then became aware of my body again and I wasn't not aware of it before but the the real realization came true when I came back with the thud because I felt different I no longer felt light or airy and I remember thinking I hope this isn't a dream where you can't scream you know you've had those scream as dreams when you're trying to scream no I started screaming I scream so loud that I strained my vocal cords and I remember thinking I'm screaming very well good so then I heard these footsteps and this guy running by it was the man running by the bed and he ran down the stairs came down from the loft straight to the door and I remember jumping up on the side of the bed and saying a few descriptive details you sob what the WTF are you doing and I flipped on the light so I could see him and and he looked back over his shoulder and then he ran out the door and I chased him right down that door but when I got to the door that was the first time I felt fear and I thought what if he's on the other side of this door and I paused and I thought I'm going to kill him I jerked open the door and he of course was gone and then I felt this warmth coming down my face and I saw blood dripping onto the ground and what I ended up happening is that I must have put my hand up here to cushion the blow because this finger was broken it's got so swollen looked like a large dill pickle and then I had an abrasive avulsive type laceration here and a big hematoma and then I had a big huge hematoma here and what we found out later I don't know if you can tell but this clavicle this collarbone is pushed out so it was an anterior what we call an anterior dislocation had it been a posterior dislocation and perhaps it was but had it been posterior instead posterior I would not be here so I had this you know I don't know how long I was unconscious or whatever but I tried to share it with the people I worked with and these were skilled knowledgeable physicians and nurses and when I would try to explain what I had experienced because I was really confused they would it's okay you've had a head injury you'll be all right okay so I then started having problems with watches you know Jan said if you hurt her in the ears have no watches well I had a large collection of watches none of which would work and then I even try and I can figure out what was going on it was very frustrating because this was a 97 and then the ER you need a clock and if you don't have a clock you better have a watch so I couldn't wear watch because they broke so I tried different watch bands they it just it didn't work so then I tried pendant watches and they didn't work so I'd take them off I put them on the dresser come back a few days later the watch is working okay so I've just done it wrong no it didn't so I gave up not knowing anything but I just decided I'd spend as much money on watches as I could afford so that was in 1997 no one wanted to hear about it they all looked at me anywhere from a it's okay dear you've had a head injury too you are weirding me out and you've obviously sustained a traumatic brain injury and you need some real help so what did I do I shut down I didn't talk about it I knew I was different but I didn't talk about it one of the things that was different was I worked with a physician who was like dr. Grayson said he was not a skeptic he just flat didn't believe in anything well this is in the 90s 95 or so and I'm getting into herbs and aromatherapy and massage and he's like and I had the intuitive senses and I was sitting there and before we would kind of get into a struggle you know and I was sitting there one night and I knew the phone was going to ring and I knew it was going to be for him and I started to say dr. so-and-so you need to pick up that phone because it's going to ring it's going to be for you which I knew would weird him out it would just flat weird him out and I started to do it and this feeling of and why would you do that to him why would you make him uncomfortable and I could feel how he felt and how that experience would leave him it wouldn't be funny to him it would not be kind it would not be loving and so I didn't say anything the phone rang I answered it hello is dr. so-and-so think yes just a moment here it is so that was one of the first couple of changes is that one the watches didn't work and this I always felt empathy for people I think most nurses have empathy and physicians also have empathy but we kind of they kind of let the nurses be more obviously empathetic so those work that kind of gives you an idea people that would come in who they were the drunk driver and they had caused the wreck and you know we are personnel are not perfect and you've just gone from one bed where you're taking care of the person that's been critically hurt and then you go down to the next bed who is the drunk driver who is an obnoxious unfeeling unkind uncaring individual and yet you're supposed to give them the same quality of care and for the vast majority of time that's exactly what you do all the time that you're going her but there's one of these changes that happened was that I could feel I was aware I was sensitive to how that person perceived the world and all of the hurt within him or her and I would think gosh I'm glad I don't have to live in their lives I don't have to live in their bodies well that was great except for if you talk about it to your peers ah that's the drunk and you know you need to you know give him a shot or you need to take six times to get that IV just because you know you can in other words we could be very punitive that's not something we're proud of but that is a fact so roll forward that made me even more weird okay so I'm cutting I'm shutting myself down more and more and more and distancing myself trying to shut out who I have become and basically living a lie so roll forward to about 2001 I've moved out of my loft apartment I'm in another apartment and I wake up one morning with the most awful sudden onset of a toothache just bad so I went to a local dentist and they said well we you need a root canal we can't do you right now so come back at 1:30 and we'll do it we'll take care of it so you know I don't go to the didn't to the dentist because I had extreme fear bad bad bad history with dentists and dental pain so I knew that he would give me nitrous and I was going to be happy I had nitrous before but this so I knew I was going to get it and so I went out and I ate lunch ate a nice big lunch how many people in here know don't eat big lunches before you get some kind of nitrous or medic though too bad I'm not a nurse right so I come back and I'm sitting in the chair I am a child of the 60s and that's when astral travel and out-of-body experiences were really the big thing well there I was it you know at the ripe old age of about eighteen and one of my peers was experimenting with astral travel and then we found out that he travelled himself right into an orange and couldn't get out and now he was in a psych hospital and I'm thinking I do not want to do that because I would get tracked and there I'd be in an Apple and somebody would come along and that would be the end so I you know I'm in this body I'm going to stay in this body I do not want to leave it mmm so I tell you that so that you'll have a mindset so I'm getting I'm in the chair and they put this big thing on and they've got a nice dentist he's got a blanket on me and as he's coming putting that little nose thing on you for the nitrous this voice a voice that I'm familiar with it's not my own voice says very clearly you are going to leave your body now as with Melinda this the difference is that that did not cause me any anxiety I was not afraid I felt very peaceful and I just the dentist said okay just take a breath and I did and then the next thing I was standing on like the edge of some place and on one side was that same familiar bright but gentle light and gray and the same beings and we were having a talk and they were telling me things and I was telling them things and the very last thing I said was then my children will be okay and they said yes and then I moved from that beautiful gray and white area into the most wonderful light and the light is wonderful but it's what I experienced was total unconditional love but also the joy of a homecoming and I remember saying I'm home I'm home and I I have never felt at home in this world it's just the way I I've come to had come to realize I'm I've just never felt a Garth Brooks wrote a song that said God ain't ever made a place that felt like I belong well that's exactly how I felt but not in that light and interestingly enough there was a bright orange Center and I was moving towards that and I was being welcomed and it was wonderful and then this person who I knew at the time and who was alive and who's as far as I know was still alive was calling to me calling mentally and I turned around and I remember looking and they were way down there and this person was calling me say come back come back and I was saying no not me and then out from behind this person I was being drawn closer to this person number one out from behind this person came this another person who was bathed in this nice gentle white light and she said but what about me and then that's when I felt a tug that said I have some business some more business that I could choose to attend to or not and then third person that person that came out from behind the first person I had no idea who they were in this life then the third person came right up in my face it was so fast and she was someone I met and knew and she said you must complete this lifetime and I remember saying no I don't you don't understand I am here and you're there I don't have to do anything well evidently we had a conversation and evidently she won because here I am but I remember the next thing as I'm in the chair in the dentist's chair and the blanket is over me and I can't move but I realized that this wonderful lunch that I am had that I had is about to come back and there's nobody in the room and I can't speak and then I hear a noise and the dental hygienist had stuck her head in there just as I began to throw up large amounts of this wonderful lunch that I had which I have never had sense knew once was enough twice I guess I had it twice had she not walked into that room at that very time I would have most likely aspirated everything that I had eaten and they just thought I was just recovering from too much nitrous by the way I've had nitrous since and it's not a nothing I don't get to leave again so it doesn't like so anyway the airway was cleared and oh by the way while I was on the other side that it didn't fix my tooth I still had to go back to the dentist and have a root canal really so I still had more of the same experiences the precognition the clairvoyance the enhanced empathy and at that point in time I had gone to work for a psychic hotline which it was you know when we have time that's a fascinating job and most of those people either needed a therapist or a lawyer or both and that was okay at 2:30 in the morning I was willing to be a therapist I have five lawyers in my family so I could make a referral but there were several times when I actually did have that mediumship experience but once again I had no idea what happened to me but I knew that I was no longer the same nurse but I could not be the fully I couldn't give to my patients what I fully had because my co-workers still didn't understand they didn't know they didn't want to know and I was still shut down and so I'm still partially living a lie roll forward and then there was there was a cognitive dissonance and I didn't feel right so then I move forward I went on I got a master's in counseling and then I applied to the doctoral program and this was in 2009 and it's the summer of 2010 or the spring I'm not sure which I was in dr. Holden's office and she said well I'm just wondering did any of your patients in the ER ever tell you about odd or unusual experiences that they had I said well no they haven't but I can tell you what happened to me which was number one that was a something that I couldn't believe was coming out of my mouth because I had learned you don't talk about this you don't talk about it to anybody if you don't want to get committed and so I spontaneously was telling Jan and I'm thinking oh boy here I am a brand new doc student I am going to get thrown out of the program they're going to have me evaluated but no and as you know Jan knew all about it she said you've had near-death experiences and that began my journey here and that's when I began to really process what it meant to be an into ear and I have spent probably since in the last four and a half to five years processing all those emotions that many in two years have one who am i what am i why am I here and I am so angry that I am not there because I didn't get a real clear cut plan some people come back with okay you're supposed to go and do this and this and this and this person is going to either get a really well planned out description of what they're supposed to do I did not get that at least not in a conscious manner and so I was just very frustrated very angry and I told I remember telling Jan I realized walking across the campus one day that I lived only in this part of my body I know this sounds crazy but remember where you are and the people that you're with and I thank goodness I had dr. Holden because you know they would have carted me away because I felt like I was only in this much of my body and I felt like I needed to get back in my body and I had to focus on getting into my body I was continuing to work as a nurse and I began sharing my experiences then because I had a name for it I had an explanation and I was amazed to find out that there were both physicians and nurses who said you know I had a patient one time that did that and one nurse told me you know I had an adolescent in the ER who started to tell me about that their experience and their mom said don't talk about that and you know just be quiet and you could tell she told me you could tell that the adolescent felt shut down so it is oh and I have to tell you the little face that came behind and they said what about me that I didn't know well I met her a few years ago and she's my partner that's so I keep holding that over her head I came back for you so don't be asking me to do the dishes all right so how it's changed my practice is that I am able to be with people people in intense like painful times and not get burned out unfortunately we all have to learn how to cope with that much intense feeling and what happens frequently is that people get nurses doctors get burned out and then the ER we say you're crisp and I was pretty crisp but now I found I now had realized I can be with these folks and not get burned out but the other thing that I have grown as I'm continuing to grow a my understanding of what I am and who I am is that I can be with these people I can hold people like fire in my hand and not get burned but I do need to withdraw at times I need to have times of solitude because I am still in this body and in this life and that I need to take care of myself and that's not something that nurses or doctors either are good at and that's what I'm learning to do I need to be take care of myself that it's okay to withdraw I don't have to be everything to everyone and so I think do you have any questions we have 15 minutes I do you want everyone to go to the if you'll go to the microphones so they can get the recording where'sa if my thing you working I have no idea I just wanted to let everybody know that we haven't shared our experiences that was one thing that we wanted to make clear when we first talked was we're going to show up and justbe we didn't even write like agenda because we wanted to allow you guys to understand our experiences firsthand so I didn't even know I didn't even know we have never heard each other's story or the events or anything so the I'm hearing this for the first time as are you a couple of things first one by coincidence at lunch my wife and I were talking and she was telling me about one of the effects of meditation is that they have found with people like nurses doctors whoever working with a lot of trauma and all who can get crisped very easily kind of emotional burnout she called it compassion burnout she said meditation has been found to to help with that too so that they don't get compassionately burned out the question that I have is for you who spoke first I'm sorry I don't know your name that's no idea Melinda you ended your talk with saying I get it would you say more about that place sure so I am what I raised myself LDS and in the LDS religion I'm gonna go back cause that way you understand where I'm coming from I was very strict on myself right I followed the doctrine of the religion to a tee there was a point in my life that I washed my own mouth out with soap when I swore because I didn't want to go to hell so I was extreme I took it to the extreme because I valued that relationship with God more than anything and so meditation wasn't an option because in my mind meditation opened up that spiritual realm of connection that now I meditate every chance I get every day because I like that feeling but I was afraid of that connection it's it's it's the weirdest thing when you're in a dogma of a relation in a religion so much that I was very judgmental I was very mean but then I valued myself as being very spiritual at growing up right so now when I meditate it's it's a different experience but what I'm saying is one that that journey from the experience in all my life of questioning where I'm going what am i doing how am i doing this in and just having an open relationship now saying whatever you give me I accept and we're going to go forward with this just like I was telling you - I didn't even book my airline plane ticket to get here till yesterday because yesterday I was like how am I going to afford to get here what am I going to say Who am I going to help and you know and let that physical worry of getting here and I knew I needed to be here so is just allow it I meditated and I walked out and did it so yeah meditation does help but I get it after being here I get it I get while my purpose is more so than I did even just yesterday and a lot of it is just allowing my experience you guys I've only told my story to five people before today and that is my mom my husband my kids and maybe one patient I think I've told one patient that because their mom was dying and I told him oh it's really cool thing actually so you know you're hearing something that's very raw to me of of where I'm going in my life and so I guess that's that's what I get I get that it's it's actually a miracle it's really cool so I would like to follow up with well actually a question for each of you one for you with the meditation do you feel that when you meditate are you touching the same that same energy that same space as you had in your experience I don't know because I'm learning to meditate I'm really and at its infancy I've probably only been doing it for about a year or so right now every once in a while I'll hit that I'll hit that and I'll be like oh and then when I recognize it and out it's it's like when you finally recognize like when some people the last meeting with Jan was saying that they they saw through a medium they saw it and then they were out again because they recognized it it's kind of that touch-and-go thing but I noticed the frequencies in my body now when I meditate I can feel the different frequencies and so now when I'm awake like today earlier I was doing some weird funky thing with my hand and I was like okay that's a frequency knock it off and had that like calm it down so I'm still making those connections does that make sense it does yes absolutely and for you so after your first experience and you were told oh you've had a head injury or oh you know poor thing and you said oh okay so and having you know your healthcare professional a medical professional was there a part of you then that tried to convince yourself or believe that this was just something that my you know I was needed or my brain made up or were you always convinced of the reality of that first experience without a doubt I always knew that the experience was real it was more real than me sitting here now but I couldn't acknowledge it I couldn't embody it because it was you know when you never felt like you belonged belonging is something you really want to have and so I didn't want to be more weird than most people already thought of me so it's I was lying to myself because I knew what was true and I was lying to myself and saying no no no no I'm not five foot tall I'm actually six foot tall and I'm going to go play for the women's NBA that's the kind of story I was trying to tell myself and just if I could speak back to the gentleman who talked about meditation I - and beginning to embrace that and it's come to me recently that doctors and nurses and healthcare professionals we're all about doing we are all we are going to give you a pain shot or we're going to take your appendix out or we're going to do something and so I've I've never really known what I'm supposed to do and somebody recently said to me well maybe you're not supposed to do anything maybe you're supposed to be with these people oh yeah okay I know don't tell me that how do you just be that's all it's an answer thing right we just have an answer for every an answer or a pain shot or a bandage we're supposed to make you well mm-hmm right so being with I think is the next step which begins with learning meditation and so that's kind of interesting that you brought that up yes sir I must be a mess about ten years plus I have a question for you regarding your experience since you have the experience do you feel like you have to give the energy to to enforce the patience that you can do things better now after the experience than before well I think that so before this I would be before my experience when I was in high school and stuff I would be able to feel like if somebody was speaking in front of me if they had pain or you know I had I had an insight on on their emotion but since then I've been able to kind of like do to see from a different perspective and a lot of times when my husband and I are talking we always banter back and forth about things you know if it's a business idea or if it's an emotional thing or something our kids date ursin will banter back and forth on what from this perspective or what from that perspective so I'm able to see I'm able to see situations or business ideas or businesses which is odd from a full 360-degree perspective and so when I'm when I'm doing my marketing and things for my business now it's it's odd people think it's way out of the box but the reality is it's it's coming from a different perspective does that make sense and I - I can't use kiosk machines they kill me I am constantly going somebody just touched that button it yes and no from my perspective yes I am I'm not perfect so I mess up sometimes I have a bad day now and again but when I'm when I'm fully present when I can be I can be with people in I don't know who are having an acute heart attack and things are moving very fast and they are scared and I can bring a sense of calm to them and a sense of assurance that is very helpful but the thing I have become a little bit worried sometimes with the electromagnetic thing you know if I was with a patient and he went into a lethal arrhythmia and we had to put the paddles on and we had to defibrillate him and as Melinda said I'm hitting the buttons and it wouldn't shock and that I will not do that anymore some other nurse some of PA the ER doctor you I tell him you do that because this gentleman did transition I think he would have anyway but the fact that I knew I was hitting those buttons and they didn't go off there's another doc student who's going to present later and I always blame her for my computer difficulties until I was sitting at my computer like a week ago and I was not touching the desk and I was looking at us Excel spreadsheet and I was looking at the number thinking that number needs to be bigger and I'm telling you if I'm lying I'm dying the number went from 22 to 23 right there I almost got it what walked out of the room it's just okay I'm gone that's weird ah so I you know I don't know maybe the universe was trying to tell me don't blink Sarah for all your problems what I think - that's funny I would be like wow breaking um when I I noticed that I always get the patients when I was working the floor I always got the patients you had I always got the patient the difficult ones he's difficult you know maybe that inter-cranial pressure or they had a mental illness or they had something that no other nurse could figure out and he was being a grouch or he was mean or I always got those patients because they would tell me you're the only one on that we know of that can take care of those patients and fix that so a lot of times you know they're on watch so as a nurse you're in the room all night long with them because they're wandering or whatever you don't want to get hurt but I would be able to sit and communicate with them and calm them and actually by the end of my shift they were normal people like um one day I was working and I heard this big crash through the window and I was like what the heck around around the corner and this nurse was yelling at the patient who was in front of her going you have AIDS don't do that and he had taken out his IV and was doing this at the nurses and what he had done is took a trash can a plastic trash can and threw it through a double pane window that's how mad he was and how strong he was and I just walked through I knew I knew it wasn't him so I was able to just walk through and I sat on his bed and all the nurses were freaking out because I didn't have all my gear on and my goggles and I didn't look like an alien and I just sat down and I said to sit with me for a minute and he handed me his IV and he sat with me and we talked and then the guards came in and took him out and we actually meant life lighting him because he had inter-cranial pressure that was so bad he really had no idea who he was but I have that ability just to calm people hello ladies so my question for both of you as I as I hear you talk about sort of like a coming out coming out of the closet I've had these experiences stepping away from the shame of not fitting the empirical evidence of how our science works in our country have either of you begun to write down your story to actually commit it to paper to put in some some type of form well I thought about it every I thought I should have a book there when I'm speaking I could make some money but no not really because I just don't know what to say right I I think about it and I write a lot and I've written a few little manuscripts and things that for business that I just that's what I do for fun but um no I've never written anything down about this and it's funny because now when I tell people I don't care if you like the story or not it's my story and that's what happened you know before I would be like oh I just won't say anything but now it's I have a different I know a different plan I guess um yes I have actually um once again thanks to dr. Holden and her pressure oh oh I'm sorry I meant guidance it was worth a great something like that and it was published in the ions journal 2013 I think um so yes it is it has been written down and published the other thing that like yourself that in the ER I got two kinds of people those that were just really either having a psychotic break or we're intensely angry go to go work with that person or those who were dying or their loved one was and you know you're really good with that and I had this story and I know we're about out of time but this was a story that a little four-year-old girl came in full arrest she was had been battling leukemia I believe for how many years can you battle Akemi when you're four but she evidently had a lot of it was a very beautiful spirit and her cancer had come back and they'll the last month or so and she had told her mom I don't want any more of that medicine and the doctors kind of said you know probably best time to honor her wishes and so her condition was deteriorating about a week before she came in and her mom started to talk to her about heaven and she said oh mom you don't have to tell me this God's already told me all about it and mom was just like okay so here they come in the ER John's in full arrest you know it's hard enough to have a loved one pass to have your child pass in your home is something that maybe not everyone can do so when she died mom picked up the phone called 9-1-1 but as soon as they rolled through the doors mom said stop I don't want any more efforts but when she was able to share that story with me because I was able to be with them I was able to confirm to her that yes children do have those spiritual connections and they do have times that perhaps as adults we may have forgotten but they are they are real and that that's probably exactly what did happen that God had already talked to her about how things were going to be and that her child was not was not frightened and to be able to be with that mom and confirm that with her I thought that was a beautiful experience and in a way if being weird is what I have to be in order to share that with a mom or anyone else that's okay I'll be weird I'll be weird oh and it looks like we're done we're out of time we have long and they're given us I just want to acknowledge you for being so open and being so brave to share with people because really we attract the people who need us and what you being so open has given everybody the gift of being more open and it enables our own healing from within so I want to say thank you very much thank you

Channel: IANDSvideos

Views: 126,003

Rating: 4.5620437 out of 5

Keywords: Nursing, Near-death experiences, NDE

Id: bipALNJqDzs

Length: 54min 52sec (3292 seconds)

Published: Fri Feb 12 2016