Narcissists 3 Secrets They Keep & 1 Secret YOU Should Never Tell

hello everybody Michele here and today we're talking about three secrets that the narcissist does not want you to know and throughout the video I'm going to also add one secret that you have that you should not let the narcissist know so let's get started number one the narcissist does not want you to know what they're thinking when they're giving you the silent treatment why because if you really knew what was going on in their minds if you really understood their thought process you wouldn't beg you wouldn't cry you wouldn't chase after them trying to get them to break the silent treatment you wouldn't even try to reason with them you wouldn't spend the whole day ruminating wondering what you did wrong analyzing over analyzing and trying to figure out how to reconcile and make things right no you wouldn't do any of that you would run so what does go through their mind when they're giving you the silent treatment just took place all I did was stop talking to her all I'm doing is ignoring her look at how devastated and crushed she looks it's like I'm the oxygen that she needs to live to exist without me she is broken and dying I am so powerful I am so amazing look at how important I am and look at how powerful I am but I can break somebody don't easily last time I did this for two weeks and it looked like she was gonna go crazy like she was gonna pull every hair out of her head I wonder what would happen if I went for a month God it feels so good to be needed and so good to be looked up to and be important anytime I start to get bored or feel inadequate for some strange reason all I have to do is pull the silent treatment and I realize just how powerful I really am number two the narcissist does not want you to know that there is a right way to handle their smear campaign we all know how good the narcissist is at throwing mud your name if you have discarded them or even if they have discarded you nothing gets the narcissist more narcissistic supply than to make mutual friends view them as the victim and you as the bad guy or worse nothing gives them more narcissistic supply than to turn your your family your friends people that didn't know the narcissist before your new acquaintances your new friends turned against you they love that and a lot of that happens by handling the smear campaign the wrong way the narcissist knows that we are no match against their manipulative lies truth does not always prevail we'd like to think that it does but it really doesn't not when you're dealing with a master manipulator so when you try to expose the truth that the fact that this person is lying about you is smearing your name on purpose is pretending to be the victim when they are the abuser the more you try to expose the narcissist the less people believe you and the more they side with the narcissist so the right way to handle the smear campaign what the narcissist does not want you to know that the best way to handle it is by continuing on with life no matter what they say about you acting as if it doesn't touch you not defending yourself not saying anything and not even trying to point the finger now this is very hard to do because the narcissist is spreading their smear campaign and then they are accusing you of spreading a smear campaign even if you're not there reversing the victim and abuser roles it's very hard to not get sucked into that game but the best thing you can do is to not say anything to not spend your time trying to make the narcissist look bad when you do that you completely cut off all narcissistic supply it's like they need oxygen they grab the mask they put it on and that oxygen tank is empty that's what happens when they're seeking narcissistic supply by trying to get you to join the game in the smear campaign and you do not join there's nothing in that tank there is no narcissistic supply for them they hate that they don't want you to do that the right way is to do nothing to move forward with your life be busy active and happy concentrating completely on yourself and not on what the narcissist is doing number three the covert narcissist the hidden narcissist the expert dr. Jekyll mr. Hyde narcissist does not want you to know that they are very well aware that they are abusive and that what they're doing is abusive behavior they don't want you to know that they know that what they're doing is wrong how can you tell that the covert narcissist knows that what they're doing is wrong well think about it when the narcissist is in private they scream they yell they insult they act vulgar they are awful unkind people however in public when they're around people that they want to impress because to the covert narcissist their image is more important than who they really are so when they are in public they appear to be the kindest most patient never upset person in the world if they are able to change that behavior by being perfect or seemingly amazing in public and yet a nightmare in private it's because they know that the behavior they're doing in private is wrong if they didn't know it was wrong they would be like that all the time but they don't want you to know that they know their behavior is wrong because if you knew that you would stop hoping that you can get through to them the narcissist likes to play the victim and have you focused on the fact that they had a rough childhood or because of what they went through they are that way and again that way of thinking of getting you to view them as a victim is their way of keeping you hoping that one day they will realize what the and change when the truth is they know what they're doing and they don't want to change they enjoy the narcissistic supply that they get by having others admire them and having the strength and power to control and manipulate you that dynamic they love but they don't want you to know that they know what they're doing is wrong because then you'll know they won't change once you realize that the narcissist is dr. Jekyll mr. Hyde has two personalities because they want to you begin to realize that you are a pawn in a game that you never wanted to play and you're going to want out that's why the narcissist doesn't want you to know that that's why they confuse you into thinking that what they're doing is not abuse or they will flip it and accuse you of doing what they do so that you wind up focusing then on defending yourself instead of on the behaviors that the narcissist is doing but those are three things they do not want you to know because it will result in you wanting to protect yourself and leave the abusive relationship so keep that in mind if you've been handling it the way the narcissist wants you to handle it it's time to evaluate your behaviors and what you can do to change yourself to protect yourself from abuse and that leads me to the one secret that you have that you don't want the narcissist to know and that is that you are learning about narcissism about narcissistic personality disorder sometimes we're tempted for those of us who still have not lost hope in helping the narcissist change and you're still at the beginning stages of learning at what's going on there's a name for it it's an illness there's a thought process that happens sometimes with victims and we think oh if I could just tell him or her that this is what they have then I could help them we can work together and help them to heal from this disorder what you don't realize is that the nars is does not want to heal and if you reveal that you are learning about narcissistic personality disorder you run the risk of losing any kind of support and any kind of validation any kind of link or bridge to true reality that you are finally getting a hold of because the narcissist will begin to make sure that you are unable to get the help that you're seeking if you are in social media and you are on groups that deal with narcissistic people they will convince you that you are joining something that is is attacking the good relationship that you have and will destroy the potential of what you guys can have together and when you hear them talking positive about the relationship you believe it at those beginning stages and you can run the risk of deleting information that is helping you get clarity of mind that's one reason you don't want them to know the other reason is because you're going to learn tools that are going to empower you but if the narcissist is aware of those tools they can use them against you and they may they can make it more difficult for you to learn these tools that empower you also they can learn to be better narcissists by learning the tools that help you it doesn't make them better people they become better narcissists they're able to hide their abuse even more so which confuses you even more so that's another danger and the third danger of revealing to them that you feel they have a narcissistic personality disorder is the fact that in this beginning stage you're still learning you're still delicate you're still confused and you're still very vulnerable they are very capable of twisting behaviors and pointing them out as if you are the narcissist and that can be so confusing to a person at the beginning stages of unmeasured our sucess they get very confused so many go into therapy and the first thing they say is I think I'm the narcissist that's usually a big red flag that they're not but the fact that they even doubt it the fact that they're that confused is often because of the narcissist manipulation of finding out that you're learning about narcissism and twisting it and turning it till you don't know which way is up and which way is down so be aware of these things that the narcissist does not want you to know evaluate your behavior if you're falling into the trap of their games begin to empower yourself by changing the dynamics to empower yourself to control not the narcissist but your actions your actions and yourself in this way you're protecting yourself and continue to get clarity of mind until you're strong enough to make a decision that will truly help you to protect yourself against emotional abusers

Channel: Michele Lee Nieves Coaching

Views: 1,304,153

Rating: 4.8552389 out of 5

Keywords: narcissists secrets, narcissists dont want you to know, secrets narcissists have, covert narcissists, narcissists hide their abuse, 7 sneaky things narcissists say, narcissists dirty secrets, narcissists are pathological liars, narcissists false image, how to spot a narcissist, why narcissists dont care, why narcissists hate you, what narcissists really think, narcissistic supply, can narcissists change, am i the narcissist, narcissists want to destroy

Id: RIFPTAG0zUI

Length: 11min 57sec (717 seconds)

Published: Thu Feb 15 2018