My Miscarriage Story | 14 weeks

know what to say oh yes oh gosh huh hey guys so this is a different video for me it's hard because I feel like I usually know what to say and but in this instance I just haven't even know really what to say I don't know why I'm doing this but I just feel inclined to do it so as most of you know um my husband and I had a miscarriage I just wanted to talk about it the reason being is because when I went through it I went towards the internet because I had no clue what I was going to expect and I had no clue what happened and why it was happening to me and I was looking for answers and I hope and pray that this video can maybe provide some comfort some answers to questions to girls out there that are going through the exact same thing that I went through and going through so we got married and decided to build a home and we got into our house we've been traveling everywhere for a long time living all over the world in all over different countries and around September the beginning of September mid-september we started kind of talking about having children and it was a little scary thought I mean bringing children into the world is so scary to think of that I just heard all these horror stories of like people who come and get pregnant or it took quick a year to get pregnant and I'm so hard for first-time moms and just all these things and my husband and I just paint about it and we just felt it was time to bring into a little one into this world and what are we waiting for and the second you make that decision and you guys know what I'm talking about if you have children or if you are trying to have children the second you make that decision it's like a light switch it's you just want children so badly I got my IUD out in October and immediately got pregnant and we could not believe it at first it was a couple days like oh my gosh this is seriously happening we're having kids like we don't even fell old enough to have kids and I couldn't believe it in fact I did a whole entire video of finding out and recording him finding out and telling him and it was just the best feeling getting that positive pregnancy test it's just your whole world is about to change and so we found out in November and we were just so excited and so floored immediately went into baby names and what sector we're going to have and plotting out what rooms are going to move around in our home to create a nursery and it was Thanksgiving Day we decided to tell our family and on the HR family's house we call all of kalo nice family we called his mom and his grandparents and every single person was so happy as well as bawling and it was just the sweetest thing ever we could not believe it was making it more real as you're telling people like oh this is actually happening like what the heck the time progressed I referred seen a lot of the pregnancy symptoms like sore hips I'm getting it's the weird thing I just wanted for all the time and I was getting stomach pains and it was giving to the point where like I was having a difficult time fitting in my clothes or my teens anyways um and I made sure I stayed up to my work out six days a week kept running kept doing weight training I made sure I ate so healthy I took my prenatal vitamins I did everything I was supposed to 12 weeks hit and we took pictures and we announced it on Facebook when we told the whole tech world of course it was nothing but love and I was 13 weeks and six days exactly we have it we had a doctor's appointment and the night before I just I'm starting to get worried and most of you guys have parents anyways the moms you know of the applet to expect to an expecting and it's still fun it tells you all your babies as many inches long and the fingers are developed and there's a group where you're put into it such a chat group that there's other moms expecting in your kind of time zone somebody posted and I read it and they were they were like 11 weeks and they said I just experienced a miscarriage just went to the doctor and they kind of find a heartbeat I'm really sad so so sick to my stomach and I was telling hello and that would be awful I could not even imagine that and kill only kept saying maybe that's not going to happen to us refine you're out of the first trimester we're in the second trimester we're good we got pregnant on our first time you're so healthy you eat right all these things and I was like yeah you're right you're right so that morning we will thought we went to the doctor and we went in and they gave us these baby books and what to expect not expecting and all these things and it's so exciting and then the doctor came in I changed into my gown and I too liked having with us and we're laughing and I was just thinking my head I just scored huge on this doctor she's so great I like so amazing and um I lay down on the bed and the assistant the nurse turned off the light and she started doing the ultrasound and kind of turned them on her away from me and I immediately knew something was wrong but Kaitlyn II had no idea and he was just so excited and he was filming and taking pictures and and then she told the nurse that we need to do a different type of inch ultrasound where they go inside of you and I started panicking a little bit and I said is everything okay and she said well I just I'm having difficult time seeing the baby I said it's not like everything's not okay or everything is okay you just have a tilt cervix and so they call mainers I'm not kidding you when I said I probably said 50 prayers in a row over and over again just please make sure everything is okay please um I remember her telling the nurse to turn on the lights and give us our privacy edge and I sat up and put her hand on my knee and she told me that she Clips my heartbeat and the baby wasn't alive and I thought it was the worst nightmare I had ever experienced in my life what happened to me was a missed miscarriage of something that's not super common but the baby is stopped growing weeks before and my body had no idea my body was just hanging on tight to that baby but I kept experiencing all the symptoms because I still had the ACG levels and I was experiencing pregnancy like a normal almost 14 week prime pregnant woman should um I kind of felt like my body was holding on to the baby just not letting go and kind of fighting for it she gave us our privacy and they just looked at colognian just him crying and I literally felt like somebody got punched me so hard and it was a real because and anyone know was getting that positive pregnancy test it changes your world and you instantly love that baby you instantly want to be a better person you instantly want to do all the right things just kept thinking like how am I gonna explain this to everyone I just announced on social media like totally sadly like and that further I was so embarrassed and I just kept thinking what's wrong with me why what did I do like I eat healthy I work out I do all these things in um an actuality it wasn't my fault it's something that happens to so many women but it doesn't make it any easier I'm not a doctor and I didn't know what was going to happen from there Kalani and I went home and um honestly we just cried we just laid a bed and cried and just thought like what do we do now it was the worst news ever I took the pill and it was probably the worst thing I've ever been through in my life and I'm not a doctor but I wish now I would have went through a gene C which is a surgery the pill was awful I had the worst contraction as I was passing everything at home on the toilet my husband and I had to stay up through the whole entire night and I know these are gruesome details and I'm sorry but you know when I wrote this blog post in them it just blew up I mean I got hundreds of emails and from women still to this day writing and commenting and emailing me just saying I just found out what you found out and I just went to the Internet to search some clarity and and I'm sorry for the details but it was so awful and it was about 12 hours of non-stop bleeding contractions just and when I say bleeding I mean like I thought I was going to die of how much blood there was no joke and it was awful it was all soul and I wish I went to the surgery we ended up going to the ER because of throwing up I was about passed out I killed me took me in I lost a ton of blood and they had a hug man IVs and keep me there for a while but thereafter I pleaded couple weeks like four weeks and the difficult part has been dealing with the pain afterwards it's been hard because you think oh man oh these as many weeks pregnant are be this many weeks pregnant or like right now I'd be having a baby in two months and I still feel like it's kind of happen yesterday and I went back to work and it just seemed like life carried on thank goodness for the Swedish neighbors and family and friends who just wrapped us up in their arms and shown my family love I have the best parents in the world and best family and keone and I are so grateful for them and you know I did hope this video can create some clarity to some people that is going to be so difficult is so hard missed em goes on it's not necessarily time heals wounds but times helps you learn to grieve still breathin for that little baby just wish things were so different but you care it's been dipped hard because it's not like I'm not happy for people who are pregnant I'm so happy but it is difficult a few people around my pregnancy gay or I have a friend who's four weeks behind me that I should look like that and Mother's Day is today and I thought this was a good video to post because my sweet friends and neighbors came over and brought me flowers and the sweetest charmbracelet and earlier today I thought to myself like at my in-laws I don't have a baby and I I don't know why but I googled like are you still a mom if you care you have a miscarriage and the first thing that popped up with you are so mothers it doesn't matter what do you help baby for two weeks you carried it maybe for two months or you carry that baby till it was born two years twenty two I don't care you are still a mom and I didn't need the internet tell me that that it was all look like I was looking for clarity I hope and I pray that as time goes on I can help others more and more there's a purpose for this and I just I just know if my trials and heartache can help one person out there go into the same thing it's worth it because it's so hard to put yourself so low nerble and to put yourself out there for the world you're not alone and the worst thing and it's so awful and we should never have to go through that but the truth is is it happens to live you and a positive know that any trial that you go through you can either take it and go down a really good path a really bad path and I'm choosing to go down a good path I'm choosing to bring light into other people's lives and to make something of my life to be the best person I can be and just take time to remember it's okay to grieve never lose the hope I hope this brought some comfort for you and some clarity and you'll be a better person and help other people and read the change that you wish to see in the world

Channel: Kat Kamalani

Views: 274,693

Rating: 4.9163513 out of 5

Keywords: miscarraige, missed miscarriage, kat, kat kamalani, pregnant, pregnancy, baby

Id: 3H5g-xF5u-E

Length: 15min 17sec (917 seconds)

Published: Mon May 15 2017