(cheerful music) - Guinea pig clothing is one of the greatest
redundancies of life, for what rational mind
would willingly take on the comically illogical task of dressing what is effectively a highly opinionated, four-legged potato? Well, Angela Clayton, who has a particular proclivity for locating the most extraordinary
items from the internet, especially those pertaining to the field of novelty pet items, has found such unreasonable products. So having received a suspiciously pink and unicorn sticker-adorned
parcel from New York, there is only one thing to be done: to fetch A Pig and find out
just how good, or impractical, these costumes actually are. How do we even begin to
contextualize this situation? I don't think we do. (cheerful music) You want to help me? Oh my god, they are
wrapped in tissue paper. Like a, like a... There's so much stuff in here. Is that tasty? (laughs) Buy two, get one free, because you need the motivation
to buy something this dumb. There are apparently also hats in here, which are from an Etsy shop that she was ordering buttons from. They said doll sized, but
are clearly made for pigs. Obviously. So what do you want to
open first? This one? Yeah, this one's quite chewed. No! It looks like we have a shark costume. (sighs heavily) Oh my god. Shall we get you a snack? I think you want a snack, right? Stay. Stay. (barely audible giggles of exasperation) (crinkle crinkle) Oh my god. Look. I know you like this one. I like this one, too. Oh my god. No, no, no! No, no, no, no, no, no. Oh! That's it. This one's
my favorite. (giggles) Okay, what do you want to try on first? (cheerful music) It is pumpkin spice latte season, and this little lad is bringing
the pumpkin and the spice with this fresh poly plush pumpkin look. And this one's a bit big for you, eh? (the sound of damned souls
reaching out from Hades) Though it is built for
a bigger boar than he, to which one must wonder what the target consumer base is here, since he is already a Chonk Boy(tm) on the spectrum of pig sizing, one cannot deny that the
complimenting stem hat is the piece de resistance that brings the whole ensemble together. Lord Cesario is, however, of the opinion that it is less suited
to wearing on the head than it is to cramming into the mouth. Either way, an undeniable statement piece. (fashun music) (cheerful music) We have another one of
these strappy things, which didn't work so well the first time, but this one does look
a little bit smaller. Oh! Okay, so I think it's
pretty safe to give this one a zero out of 10. Come on! Oh my god, you're cute. (giggles) Given the extreme softness of this look, his Lordship is rather of the opinion that this, is in fact, a blanket, and is most suitable for napping in. He generally does not
under any circumstances abide by chin straps, which makes the accompanying beanie slightly impractical in movement, but as the lad plans to enact
no further motion beyond naps in this look, this minor detail is of no consequence. ("it's couture" music) (cheerful music) Okay, so this one I'm actually
the most intrigued about. Not that any of these are decent quality, but this one's probably the best quality. It's got some structural integrity to it. The only thing with this one, though, is that the lining is so narrowed, and I think this is going to be a little bit too small for you. This isn't a real avocado, my dude. (guinea pig bubble noises) Cesario is a big boar, which means he's got his big boar belly, so this bit isn't quite fitting around, and he is of course
rejecting the head bit. Let's just do this. His Lordship suspects that this one is meant
for a smaller pig variety, unless one fancies the
avocado helmet look, which in all fairness is
not entirely a bad one, so long as it doesn't involve chin straps, which begs the question, since the highest plane
of a pig's existence is the entire length of its body, how would a pig wear a helmet? (fashion week memery music) Unfortunately, this look is
neither conducive for naps, nor is it practical for
piggy stealth missions, and the sole objective for outfits falling into this category seems to be determining how quickly a pig can eject himself from them. Success on that front. (cheerful music) This back bit is definitely
not gonna fit round the pig. Like there's nowhere for this to go. On occasion, one wishes to obtain a distinctly threatening appearance, despite having been inconveniently
dealt the wiggly nose and big black eyes of an
unmistakably adorable creature. In such occurrences, it is
advisable to disguise oneself as only the most menacing
of earthly inhabitants, and to do one's best to avoid walking in any semblance of a natural fashion, because why walk when you
can strut that piggy butt? Come on, piggy! (upbeat music) (quickly becoming piggy escaping sounds) Oh, no, no, no, no! ("Jaws" theme) (cheerful music) (guinea pig squeaking) This one's soft, eh? To absolutely everyone's surprise, we are tolerating a chin strap here. (guinea pig scritchy scratches) With an impressive escape
time of under 10 seconds, this look is easily yeeted from, and thus, according to pig
logic, highly favorable. Lord Cesario proclaims that
he is not a fan of this one, for it is neither thick and fluffy enough to feel like a blanket, nor can it be easily escaped from, and if a costume must actually be worn, then what, he prays tell, is the point? He is, however, now at long
last blessed with a tail. ♪ How can a guinea pig show he's pleased ♪ ♪ When he hasn't got a tail to wag ♪ ♪ All other animals you will find ♪ ♪ Have got a little tail stuck on behind ♪ ♪ If they'd only put a
tail on a guinea pig ♪ ♪ And finish off a decent job ♪ ♪ Then the price of a guinea
pig would go right up ♪ ♪ From a guinea up to 30 bob ♪ (jaunty piano music) With all that said and done, it is fairly safe to conclude that, while his Lordship
appreciates the thought, and does enjoy a good blanket moment, he much prefers his
natural state of guinea pig in all its unconstrainable,
potatoey, glory. Angela, I hope this
satisfies your curiosity into the wondrous world of pig costumes.
