My Boyfriend's Family Is Prying Into My Finances!

Casey starts off this hour in Kalamazoo Michigan hi Casey how are you I'm great hurry Oh better than I deserve what's up I have a really weird question for you his family has been asking for our financial information they want to know what our utilities are how much we're spending on everything and who is paying what so I am from my family where you don't share those things outside of your immediate household so my question is should we be giving them this information or should we be holding the barrier and like the wall that we are saying that this is our information and you know it's not really any of their concern we're not in any kind of financial need no okay and so you're married we're not married I told them he could not propose until I finished grad school and I finished in about six weeks which is a kind of another thing and whether or not that answer changes once we are married yeah well it does because then it's a different situation the because there's not a we now and your roommates mother is going over the line yes that's different than your husband's mother is going over the line for me it is and i think and i think relationally it is either way that she's going over the line what is their motivation and being sad emblem nosy honest sister his sister why does his sister want to know his stuff she honestly sees or whatever even does not care for me and that's been well known we go through points where were fine and then other times she doesn't but we are taking a trip as a family to Disney this fall and his sister spent $12,000 and I said that we would only go if we could do it our way and we only spending about fifteen hundred dollars instead of twelve thousand so she's really upset right now that I'm refusing to do everything that she wanted to do and taking on extra debt because I was only willing to go if I kept time to save up some money and our 1,500 covers our whole little unit 33 and 34 oldest sister 39 well here's the problem there's more going on here this is not about money this is about your roommates future fiance maybe future husband's sister's relationship with you that's what this whole thing is about and and let me just tell you who solves that it's not you this is just an old man talking I'm not a family therapist okay this is not me this because it's not a money thing but you trying to solve this with her is going nowhere agreed I'd agree yeah him sitting down with her and going hey sis he did and his whole families are not speaking to either of us now we just disclosed all this information if it would fix it or boundaries and you say no I'm going to have a boundary and then they say oh the only way we're going to have a relationship with you is if we can tell you what to do in your life we're going to violate boundaries that is not a relationship that's a controlling manipulative bunch of jerks I think there's more going on here though that's outside of my realm of expertise so I don't know exactly how to address this but no I know caving to people who demand that they can violate your boundaries is not the way you solve a relational issue okay but I don't think this has anything to do with Disney and I don't think this has anything to do with your light bill I think it has to do with y'all living together and his family doesn't like that and they don't like you shacking up with their son and it's talked about all the time and they don't like your stance on anything and that's what's going on and it's being reflected in these other things that are symptomatic so you've got a much bigger problem than that and so you know I think you sit down with a marriage counselor and get some pre-engagement pre-marriage counseling because you have a real problem in one of the four areas that causes marriages to end and that's in-laws it is one of the four areas that money fights in-law fights fights over kids and fights over religion and when you are unequal on any of those four things you cannot come up with a solid way to handle this on any of those four things then your your marriage is going to struggle your relationship is not going to last so you need to see a good marriage counselor to help you with that and so you know you asked me and I I don't think you can solve this by giving them the information that's absurd it's absurd they asked for in the first place it's absurd they're angry because they don't want you to they want you to spend and do everything that you can't afford to do that's not an act of love that's an act of control and manipulation by them but none of those are the problem they're all symptoms of a bigger problem that's a relational breakdown between you and his family and that's what you're going to have to get into that I'm not qualified to deal with nor do I care to

Channel: The Dave Ramsey Show

Views: 149,661

Rating: 4.886878 out of 5

Keywords: the dave ramsey show, budget money debt cash, real estate, insurance, how to make money, dave ramsey, save, credit card, compound interest, buying house, buy, snowball, My Boyfriend's Family Is Prying Into My Finances!, boyfriend, family, dating, girlfriend

Id: HMQomUe-eXY

Length: 6min 12sec (372 seconds)

Published: Thu May 09 2019