My Best Friend's Wedding & Reframing Romance

[Music] to be quite honest i wouldn't mind living in a rom-com everything is brighter halla notes is playing every five minutes my hair would always be perfect i'd never have to do it wash days would be a thing of the past i would have a great well-paying job and i'd never have to actually work i'd just sit in my office for some scenes but otherwise i'd be as free as a bird i'd have an amazing sweater collection and a beautiful apartment and also the person of my dreams or whatever it's easy to dunk on rom-coms to point out all the conventions of the genre and make fun of how predictable they can be but rom-coms are [ __ ] awesome you know how i feel after i watched a good rom-com i feel the joy i get after i've listened to curtis mayfield's move on up but like turned to 11. i feel like dancing i can't [ __ ] dance but after a good mom come i don't give a [ __ ] and you killed them yes you you murderer this isn't about the death of rom-coms i just get sour sometimes however even as someone who enjoys rom-coms i can't deny or ignore nor do i want to all the icky stuff plot devices and characters in many romance films throughout the years romanticize behaviors that in the real world are just plain wrong the entire plot of the 1998 comedy there's something about mary hinges on the main character played by ben ziller hiring a private investigator to track down his high school crush and this means war two agents enamored by the same woman break into her house to find out her interest so they can impress her whist on a date i'll admit the direction in this scene is something i find very amusing but it's it's [ __ ] up it's very [ __ ] up it's and it's very weird throughout this movie they even listen to her phone calls and watch your every move your honor this is some [ __ ] right here and these are just the more extreme examples but we see this kind of stuff on smaller scales and virtually every rom-com from noah threatening to kill himself if ali doesn't go on a date with him in the notebook why not i don't know because i don't want to alright well you leave me another choice then oh my god to the [ __ ] princess switch the art of love is largely the art of persistence no the [ __ ] it's not albert just as it's easy to dismiss the rom-com genre on the basis of their perceived and importance it's also easy to dismiss the notion nay the truth that movies have an impact on real life unreal people here's a quote from our friend julie beck at the atlantic reasonable people know that rom-coms aren't what love is really like just as reasonable people know that porn is not what sex is really like but these movies still create an image of romance that leaks into the atmosphere and may subtly shape people's perceptions and expectations of love julie littman's study i did it because i never stopped loving you it's all about this how romance movies frame these disturbing behaviors as evidence of true passionate love how persistence in the pursuit of love is a good thing and if someone says no it really just means that you should try again and again and again until in the movie world they fall for you or until in the real world they're so afraid of you that they figure saying yes might make things easier on them and you have a relationship built entirely on fear and distrust happy valentine's day and it's not that these instances of repugnant behavior exist on screen it's that they exist within the context that the extreme actions taken are okay it's not okay and it's being framed as okay and that really makes it not okay people notice these cliches these tropes whatever you want to call them and rightfully call them out movies my generation grew up loving are often revisited now in our adult ears for us to marvel at and go huh i was kind of [ __ ] up i never noticed like edward and bella sure a lot of people love it again right now but it's still weird why the [ __ ] are you watching me sleep edward i don't even know you stop breaking it to my room and go get some 100 year old vampire snatch already many of these movies are guilty for the crime they are being accused of romanticizing unhealthy relationships normalizing abusive tendencies but there's a movie that i find too often gets brought up and the same thing that i personally believe is innocent your honor exhibit a my best friend's wedding is a 1997 romantic comedy that stars julia roberts cameron diaz rupert everett and dermot mulroney it was nominated for an academy award for my best friend okay fine it was for music but it was still nominated in a year since the movie's initial release a lot of think pieces about it have popped up on the internet from independent bloggers to staff writers for vice magazine it's been deemed by some an inappropriate movie that isn't even remotely romantic and has a protagonist who does horrible things which is partly true and it's been deemed by others an ingenious subversion of romance tropes that's smarter than it gets credit for which is also true your honor if i could just tell the jury about my best friend's wedding before we get to the alleged crime this is a story about a woman julianne whose best friend is getting married specifically the best friend that she used to date and who made her vow that if they weren't both married by 28 they'd marry each other a friend who she loves dearly she doesn't realize how dearly or how passionately though until she finds out that he's getting married to someone else the best friend michael is marrying the much younger and much more naive kemi he's a sports writer who travels a lot for his job and kimmy is a college student who comes from a very affluent family she should be the type of person that michael hates rich people the elite but she's endearing and funny and warm and he's in love but michael is still nervous about the wedding so he asks julianne to come down for the event and support him through it she's basically his best man but julianne has ulterior motives michael loved her at one point and at the news that he's getting married she's just full of jealousy and rage i've got exactly four days to break up a wedding steal the bride's fella and i haven't won clue how to do it he adored me for nine goddamn years me i can see why it seems to her that there's still a spark between her and michael so she plans to break up the happy couple just days before their wedding and that's the entire movie julian scheming and planning and trying to win back the love of her life and it's not exactly unrequited at one point michael did love julianne and he holds the memories he has of her dear even kimmy knows this he's got you on a pedestal me in his arms julianne tries everything early on kimmy confides in her that although michael loves karaoke she could never do it because she can't carry a tune so julianne tries to embarrass her by making her sing at karaoke but she's so bad and she doesn't care that everyone julianne included just can't help but root for her [Music] kimmy's parents are wealthy so julianne plants the seed in michael's mind that kimmy might make him get a job with her father so that they wouldn't have to travel all the time and he hates this but he denies that she would ever do that so then naturally julianne convinces kimmy that michael really does want a job with her father and tries to get kimmy to set it up which leads to an argument between them but still does not break them up julianne's friend and agent george who she's been confiding in the entire time and who is her only voice of reason visits her so that she can have support when she finally tells michael that she still loves him instead of just trying to sabotage everything and julian tells everyone he's her fiance to make michael jealous girl the whole you are digging right now eventually george leaves and makes julianne promise that she will tell the truth and she still doesn't she sends an email to michael's boss from kimmy's father's address an email that basically says michael loves his job please fire him so he can work with me and be good enough for my daughter i know how awful it sounds it sounds awful because it is awful thankfully michael doesn't lose his job but his boss does send him the email he received can't believe i'm doing this to you on the night before your wedding but i think you need and deserve to know what you're marrying into the wedding is called off the night before the ceremony but somehow kimmy and michael still persevere they talk it out through julianne and forgive each other and decide to get married anyway julian has no tricks left in no time so she confesses her feelings at last michael [Music] i love you and she kisses michael kimmy sees it and she starts running and then michael's running after kimmy and julianne is running after michael now everything i've just said is horrendous if you love someone you don't do that to them you don't manipulate them into loving you back or lie and scheme your way into a relationship in this chase scene there's a quote that reaffirms everything that up until this point was still quite obvious george this is all your fault i i told him the truth i said that i loved him and i kissed him and this is what's happened jules a question when you kissed michael did he kiss you back that's beside the point we were interrupted who interrupted you kimmy she ruined everything and michael started chasing her before he could answer me michael's chasing me yes yes who's chasing you if it's not clear i like this movie a lot i kind of love it and this quote is my favorite thing about it everything up to this point has never been framed as being okay it's never been suggested that we root for julianne or that anything she's doing is all right because she's doing it for love after all there are moments between her and michael where they reminisce on their past love affair dance to their song and even in these moments the mood is sad you never feel that julianne is getting what she wants or that she even deserves it you're feeling that she's chasing after something that's already gone that she can't get back and the scene where they danced at their first song she starts crying unbeknownst to michael she knows she's lost in before this moment but she keeps trying does she keep trying because that's what love is because that's what the world has been conditioned to believe love is and it's not taking no for an answer it isn't until this moment that she lets it sink in who's chasing you nobody get it there's your answer kimmy no yes jews you are not the one for god's sake the wedding is at 6 you have a small but distinct window of opportunity to do the right thing movies music and romance novels can perpetuate the myth that if you love someone you never give up on being with them that you follow them to the ends of the earth and back because if you believe you're meant to be together then you're meant to be together [ __ ] what they have to say it's a sentiment given as inspirational advice as motivation besides it being creepy it's nonsensical just because you've fallen in love with someone doesn't mean someone has fallen in love with you who's chasing you no one take the lyrics to death cap for cuties i will possess your heart it's a song about a guy who just won't take the hint the girl he likes is clearly not into him and has probably turned him down a million times but he just won't give up and like with other romance movies we've heard the sentiment before but under a veneer of goodness when put under a different light you can see it for how wrong it is the lyrics read how i wish you could see the potential the potential of you and me it's like a book elegantly bound but in a language that you can't read just yet you gotta spend some time love you've gotta spend some time with me and i know that you'll find love i will possess your heart babes and booze of the jury my best friend's wedding is i will possess your heart both are subversions of the cliche the art of love is the art of persistence cliche although the movie is a lot more lighthearted and actually does deserve to be a comedy whereas the song is well to quote ben gipper the lead vocalist of deathcab for cutie the song is basically about a stalker it's about this nice guy who wants this girl he can't have and he believes they'll be together once she realizes how great he is he just has to wait it out that's the part that makes the song really creepy the delusion of thinking they were meant to be together every action julian takes is framed negatively where other characters and their stalking and invasion of privacy is either comedic or heartwarming because it really shows the distance they're willing to go for love julianne is sort of a villain you cringe every time she does something awful you want her to stop the music doesn't swell like it does in some movies where kissing someone without their consent is romantic why not today you see with every bad decision how much kimmy and michael love each other and how much julianne is just in complete denial and all throughout it george is constantly telling her hey sweetie get your head out of your ass that's what was refreshing about this film in 1997 and today it takes the habits we've seen romanticized in so many films and framed it in a way that reminds you of its indecency it's not okay and it's being framed is not okay which makes it okay i'm the bad guy framing is everything i see my best friend's wedding swept into this category a lot this category of romance comedies that are actually oh my goodness really wrong and um toxic i got through this video so long without saying that [ __ ] word and each time i see it it reminds me of a few years back when someone wrote an opinion piece in which the gist was actually michael scott is problematic and you're kind of just like no [ __ ] sherlock that's the [ __ ] point what are you going to say next it's always sunny as offensive guys i would be a bear well now see i don't think you'd be a bear either as a matter of fact i don't know what you would be because you're definitely not twin when the movie ends julianne confesses her feelings to michael and tells him all the things she's done to break them up he's outraged but julian makes it clear that she understands she [ __ ] up i was just trying to to win you to win you back but that doesn't excuse any of it i'm on scum well lower actually i'm like the fungus that feeds on pond scum and now she just wants to get the two of them to get back together and get married she volunteers to look for kimmy who she finds in a communal bathroom and it leads to a scene that i never failed to get a kick out of it ends with kimmy and michael getting married with julianne alone at the ceremony until george returns to comfort her and remind her that despite her heart being broken she did the right thing the ending could have broken everything up until this point apart completely case in point the original ending saw julianne meeting a handsome stranger at the ceremony who would have swept her off her feet who was this handsome stranger john corbett but this ending didn't test well with audiences who a were confused because everything up until that point seemed to guarantee that julianne would not be rewarded for her actions and b just really didn't think she needed to be with anyone after all of that i know i just said everything about how the framing of the film makes an ending where julian is rewarded with love and appropriate and confusing but i do have to say i detect a grain of sexism with a vitriolic reaction to julian overall anyway they made this ending instead and this is what keeps it all together she doesn't have love right now you don't get love for scheming but she'll heal and mature and grow and maybe one day she'll fall for someone who will fall for her but until then at least she has a good friend on her side what the hell life goes on [Music] maybe there won't be marriage maybe there will be sex but by god again your honor julian is not an example of what you should do her efforts do not lead to her finding true love her manipulation tactics and lies only hurt everyone around her therefore i implore the jury of booze and babes not to sentence romantic comedy that subverts the trope of persistence to death thank you there's lots of things you could fuss about maybe kimmy and michael don't need to be together she's young and she wants to finish school and she should finish school but if there's anything that's not wrong with this movie it's it's [ __ ] up nature and its ability to embrace an unlikable protagonist also this scene i say a little prayer it's [ __ ] iconic [Music] [Music] um [Music] you

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Id: 00wm-RlXQoA

Length: 19min 46sec (1186 seconds)

Published: Wed Feb 17 2021