My $400,000 Van Life

(slow funky music) - Hey, I'm Almond. I'm 23 and I've been living out of my van for the past five months. Welcome to my journey. Good morning guys, and what a beautiful day that the universe has created just for me. Join me in the bedroom area where we're gonna enjoy a deluxe acai bowl that you can find at any Erewhon. This is all organic and only $35. So I have been getting so many comments about you guys asking where I sustainably shop. So today I'm finally gonna show you. Mm hm. Let's grab our reusable bags and let's go. So I only shop at co-ops because they're eco-friendly and everything's at the-- - Mahalo, fellow drifter. (upbeat music) Cool van. - Thanks. - Check mine out. Her name is Terra. Named after the Earth. - Very cool. Mine's named Sprinter. You know, after the running technique. - I'm Rainer. - Almond. - How long have you and Sprinter been on the road? - About five months now. (upbeat music) - This here tastes like three months to me. I've been on the road for two years now. - Well I custom built my van with my inheritance. Check this out. I have a storage space under my bed for storage. I put things in it like a blanket or maybe a dog one day once I drill some holes into it. - I actually sleep in this net attached to the ceiling. (whispering) Like a bat. - I have a kitchen table that retracts from my sink. This is my sink. (water splashing) Oh my gosh. - I have a fold down table in my bathroom. This allows me to eat and release at the same time. I also have an overhead bidet. I use it to clean my teeth. - I built a drawer inside my drawer. I keep my love letters to myself in here. - I have a drawer inside a drawer inside a drawer. - Dearest Almond, you are the sunshine in my life but sometimes it's too much. You blind me with your emotions. Get it together. I have better ones. - I keep my protein in here. Don't worry, it's just bugs. I don't eat anything that has a soul. - I don't eat anything that used to be alive. I'm all plant-based. - Um, plants used to be alive. - Check out this fork knife I made. It cuts my mouth up pretty good but it's worth it to save water. - I just have my eating glove. It's compostable. I never wash it in order to save water and it also brings all the flavors from my last meal into my next one. - I'd love to stay and talk but I need to recenter myself after this confrontation. - Me too. (relaxing yoga music) (humming) (humming loudly) (screaming) - I donated all my money to charity. - Oh yeah? Well, I just realized I didn't even believe in money. - Well I have so few possessions that I'm not even weighed down by anything. I can jump super high. - Not as high as me! (grunting) (panting) My mantra is always remember that every minute is an eternity. - Yeah? Mine is always remember every second is an eternity. - Did I say every minute? I meant every millisecond. - Did I say every second? I meant every nanosecond. Well, the reason I'm a van lifer is because I have a warrant out for my arrest for selling cigarettes to teens. - Me too, except for public urination. Technically I'm a sex offender. - I lied. The real reason I'm in a van is 'cause I had my heart broken. - No duh. All van lifers do it because they got dumped. - I'll never love again. - What is love? I don't even remember. (panting) - Do you wanna have sex in your van? - I can't. There's physically not enough room for two people. - Dumpster? - That sounds sustainable. Do you have protection? - We can use my eating glove. - [Almond] That's hot. (slow funky music) (water splashing) - (beep) That's like three showers. Succulents. Drink it. Oh God. I didn't waste the water. - I'm Almond. (laughing) - My name's your (beep) name. (laughing) - This here tastes of dirt. Arby's venison, some smooshed McDonald's fries. I can tell you came from Pacoima. - There's a really sexy one in here. Hold on. It's like a sex dream. Almond. Your psychiatrist, no. - I got rid of all of my money. I don't want possessions. - I just believed. (beep) - I (beep) up my lines so don't worry. - We both (beep) that up. - Yeah, I donated all my money to charity. - Donated all my charity to money.

Channel: Smosh

Views: 1,226,172

Keywords: smosh, smosh pit, smosh games, funny, comedy, My $400000 Van Life, van life, van tour, parody, sketch, skit, noah grossman, courtney miller

Id: gL5spmEM-HM

Length: 4min 59sec (299 seconds)

Published: Mon Feb 01 2021