Most f***ed up thing done at work 2 (r/AskReddit)

what's the most duct tap thing you've had to do at work you don't want to know you really don't want to know okay fine I was a shift manager at the Arby's that happened to be right across the street from where I went to high school and this was the summer right after senior year and before college a group of dipshits came in one night and the head dipshit disappeared off into the bathroom everyone all didn't got food blah blah blah and the head dipshit comes back out of the bathroom looks at me laughs and runs out the door as fast as he could his friends followed I went into the bathroom and there was shit smeared on the walls in the mirror this on the floor and the sick duck had actually jerked off onto the faucet of the sink I had to clean this shut up by myself it took almost two hours because I had to keep leaving the bathroom for fear of throwing up next morning I get to work after leaving the bathroom spotless and my boss gives me shut about the toilet not looking clean it was the only ducking thing in that entire room that wasn't covered in shut in the first place so he doesn't believe me when I tell him how ducked up it was two weeks later head dipshit comes back and walks up to order from me like he doesn't think I know who he is I punched him over the counter broke his nose and walked out never went back to work edit yes I did actually punch him yes I did actually quit no I never saw the kid again and yes he blocked me on Facebook from time to time I have to express the anal glands of dogs usually only that ones that are scooting and have impacted bands they feel like hard little marbles and you squeeze these ass marbles at the seven o'clock and five o'clock position of the rectum in a kind of milking motion what comes out is a brown leg wait it's color being determined by how long it was in there and with a consistency ranging from liquid to toothpaste when the tiniest bit of the SAS juice touches the air it stinks up the whole room with the loud aroma of something like a cross between rotting fish and sewage the worst part is I used to get paid extra for doing this as my pace commission-based but not anymore I now do this part for free while I was fifteen and working the cash register at a fabric store a lady came up to me with her baby in a carrier she set him on the counter and said hey watch this a second then she left she never came back then we had to call the police tell someone there are no options left and they're losing their home do you have a big bag with a dollar sign along the stache and a top hat my boss made me follow around an african-american man the first day I got the job at a small produce market so I did and the man kept looking at me funny obviously aware of the fact I was watching him the man went through the checkout and paid for everything in full with his platinum card and left in his brand-new Cadillac then I finished off my shift and realized that I never want to be in that position again walked up to my boss and handed him my apron and explained to him I can't work around racists he laughed at me and said you're going to quit your job on the first day over some I was terminated for refusing to fire an employee whose son had sickle-cell anemia because it was increasing the insurance premiums have not regretted it my first crappy weekend job was cleaning men's changing rooms in a big gym I was cleaning toilets when I could hear gurgling I came out of the cubicle and a horrible smell hid me and more gurgling noises there is large grid in the middle of the room and it slowly rises up from pressure underneath from a thick brown torrent of liquid apparently there was a problem with the drains and I was now up to my ankles in three-week-old shut sweat pits spit and sanitary towels it had spread from the women to worse thing was at this point some guy walks in to use the toilet takes one look T me and goes oh and shuts the door I was 10 p.m. on a Sunday and my boss said if I clean it up I can take the next weekend off paid and you know what I cleaned the whole thing up because I'm a ducking idiot I work in a primate lab studying anxiety occasionally when we're doing a procedure on a monkey he'll get really nervous and experience a prolapsed rectum this pretty much means his entire rectum falls out it just slides out of his butt when this happens you just kind of take your hand and push it back in there you end up covered in a mixture of blood fesses and intestinal tissue and usually we're right in the middle of a procedure so you just keep working and it's pretty duct up so when a monkey gets nervous its ass falls out of its ass what the hell kind of coping mechanism is that no shut what happens in the wild do they just push it back up there themselves over time the monkey just turns completely inside-out in some ways they're even cuter that way I worked in restaurants as a cook when I was in high school the worst thing I ever had to do involved cleaning and prepping softshell crabs for the dinner menu for those of you who do not know they come in boxes with about three rows of ten packed in so tight that the crabs are essentially standing vertical oh and they are all alive we had two of these boxes so I had 60 live softshell crabs starring at me now at 17 the only thing I ever had to prepare with salads and other bullshit like that so this was a new ballgame for me the ex chef comes over and hands me scissors explaining just how I am supposed to prepare them the first part is to cut off their sexual organs which are a flat like piece of shell on the bottom that you just kind of pick up and cut off then you have to cut off both of their rise in a perpendicular motion I didn't always get both thighs and often had to go back and clean them up the last thing was lifting up the soft top shell on each side and cut out their lungs keep in mind that they are squirming the entire time I needed a break after that try to talk the barrel of a shotgun out of the mouth of a soldier for five hours while also convincing him not to hurt kill his kids dedica doesn't even begin to describe the situation worked at a Quiznos next to Walmart a guy came in with a whole cart full of stolen goods from Walmart he asked if he could use our phone to call for a ride since he just stole all this stuff my manager made me stall him and talk to him while he called the cops the guy talked about how much ass he was to get from his old lady for his theft he showed me a nude picture of here she was 300 plus pounds sounds likely would indeed have gotten a lot of ass wrestle a naked blood-covered gay male prostitute out of a tiny shower after he spent several days strung out on crack meth no telling what else he screamed about Jesus the whole time and wasn't making much sense it made for an interesting morning so you are an aide to a Republican senator I took a job as a bouncer in a strip club adult novelty shop nobody told me until afterward that on the nights when I was working the parking lot instead of the front door it was also my responsibility to mop out the peep show booths so how much does the average gizmo can make my friends story years ago while trying to resuscitate a patient they failed during intubation putting a tube down the throat something went terribly wrong in the tube sticking out of his mouth was spouting blood everywhere like a sprinkler everyone ran out of there the ceiling and walls were covered in blood making it look like some sort of horrible murder scene my buddy went back in there to do post-mortem care well the idiot doctors didn't disable the pacemaker inside of him so when my friend was leaned over the patient close to his face the pacemaker went off and it appeared that the patient came back to life his eyes were all bloody and open and lurched up a bit and opened his mouth and made a sound he describes it like being attacked by a zombie scared the shit out of him and he was as white as a ghost after the blood sprinkler in the zombie attack that was enough it was time for lunch I had to fill up two inflatable chairs with 15 litres of diluted pig's blood using tiny plastic tube and a small hand pump took me seven hours I work in an art gallery contemporary art gallery obviously used to work at the fairgrounds when I was 14 - 16 4 - H has hundreds of baby chickens they hatched during the fair and sell $4 each well as we grab the trash and took it to the dumps - that night the back burst open and there were hundreds of dead baby chickens in it that had died had to clean it up help dislodge an impacted bowel on an obese woman help the handicapped dude I work for put on gay porn and then clean up his mess when he was done pushed through a telemarketing call with a roughly eighty year old woman with Alzheimer's who couldn't remember her last name her birthday the social security number her address or any relevant income information with my supervisor standing over my shoulder and patched into the call had to remind her three times that I wasn't her son she was immediately approved for a five thousand dollar MasterCard she absolutely didn't want or need and I made an extra seventy-five dollars that month in incentives then a few years later banks began folding because they'd given out way too much credit with way too little vetting go figure I ran nearly a miles worth of delicate fiber-optic cable through a northern New England forest in the dead of winter in the middle of the run I had to deal with one of the worst knots in mankind's history killed newborn kittens spay and neuter your pets boys and girls calling the police over child porn on computers twice now

Channel: Rebbit

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Keywords: r/, r/askreddit, ask reddit, reddit, rebbit, rebbit reddit, reddit and chill, updoot reddit, copy pasta, comment awards, toadfilms, reddit robot reading, reddit robot voice, reddit text to speech, ask reddit tts, top posts, askreddit funny, reddit stories, best of reddit, reddit funny, ask reddit story, ask reddit nsfw, The most f***ed up thing done at work 2, What's the most fked up thing you had to do at work? 2

Id: GHmDvgN9Ehw

Length: 10min 1sec (601 seconds)

Published: Sun Aug 04 2019