Monika and Sayori's Existential Crisis | Another After Story (DDLC Fan Mod) - Spaghetto

[Music] oh verto mate uh heyo spaghetto here welcome back to another doy DOI literature Club mod video today we're playing another after Story by various artists same people that made the creepy Monica mod what mod is that treston I am Monica no no no I'm not talking about your weird head cannons what's the name of the mod I am Monica oh okay yeah why did why did you say it like the dean scream from Howard Dean back in the 2000s there's no sunshine here but there's no Darkness either no rain clouds No clear skies characters Club Love purpose Joy death reason passion there's only nothing I have no legs to stand with no eyes to see with no mouth to talk with and I must scream no head to think with I'm not floating but I'm not sinking I'm nothing but somehow I'm still here wherever here is and so is she I can't see her but I know she's here with me I can't hear her but I know she's calling out to me she's waving at me with a smile I wave back I want to talk to her she wants to talk to me just like we used to [ __ ] why not I think starting a at your Club is great idea you'll get to leave that stupid Debate Club and finally do something you're actually passionate about right yeah and that's the same thing I told myself when I left the swim team to join The Debate Club and it's the same thing I told myself when I left the calligraphy Club to join the swim team uh this lure Club will probably end the same way after a few weeks it'll feel soulless to me and in a couple months I'll want to disband the club damn it feels like all I ever do is Bounce from one hobby to another trying to find myself but in the end all I do is disappoint myself and waste everyone's time hey don't you think you're being too hard on yourself I mean you're still in high school isn't this like the time everyone spends trying to figure themselves out and stuff plus with your skills and smarts I bet the sky the limit for you you could do almost anything so I think it's normal that you're still trying to figure out what you really like since you've got so many options yeah but what's the fun in that what do you mean what's the fun don't you know what they say it's about the journey not the destination well right now it feels like I'm on a million Journeys sure finding my passion is one Journey I'm on but something like high school is another Journey I'm on so is my prep work for University or the cross country training I do in my free time and each relationship in our lives is another Journey you share with us that person so that's another Journey with you another Journey with my mom another Journey with you get the picture and then finally there's the journey life itself uh I was going somewhere with this you sound like you're in another Debate Club meeting yeah usually I'd have a couple note cards nearby to remind me of what I was trying to say next you were saying something about the journey not the destination um uh what is that face that's the I can't believe you got it in my eye face stop finding your passion something something life right my point is I feel like I'm on so many different Journeys already and some just aren't as fun as the others like this journey to find myself kind of sucks every time I try to find something new I end up feeling a little more soulless so sometimes I feel like if I just got to the destination of that Journey maybe that'll make me feel better than the journey ever did did and if the destination isn't any better than the journey then at least it's all over Monica your boob uh did that sound a little too dark a little yeah I should probably save that kind of talk for my poetry Journal not for our after school Hangouts hey I didn't say it sounded bad if anything all that journey and destination talk help me better imagine how you must be feeling about the club idea though it sounds like with all that searching you're doing to find yourself maybe you're looking in the wrong places what do you mean the things you like to do are pretty important part of who you are but if you keep asking these questions about finding yourself anyway then maybe that says more about who you are than anything else can my compulsive desire to find my passions or find myself my obsession with self-conception what does any of that say about me I don't know sorry I shouldn't talk about this stuff when I really don't know what I'm saying I hope you aren't too mad at me no no I'm not mad I swear Monica no swearing Christian Channel I'm just thinking to myself if it makes you feel any better I don't really know what I'm doing either if I think about it for too long I start wondering what I'm even doing with my life or like what's the point of any of it there is no point to life isn't there what it just reminds me of this one time during the ddlc plus recording where you were just like ah for God's sake you did it in like Contra points' voice for some reason and it was really funny for God's sake there is no point point to life isn't there that's why we get wrapped up in understanding who we are so we can make our own purpose in life yep but understanding yourself is kind of hard right yeah thinking too much about life only makes your head hurt so that's why I try not to think about that stuff for too long we just have to make the most of the parts of our our El we already understand you know spend time doing random things that make you happy even if they don't mean much in the long run like like eating cake or watching a funny TV show like breaking b or even starting a what is that F she's going to kill you she's going to kill you doesn't that all feel a little shortsighted just doing things to please yourself in the the moment kind of yeah none of this cake or Club talk changes the fact that life doesn't make much sense there's so much we could do with our lives but so much of that involves hurting ourselves in the process and we don't always become a better person after that process add on to that all the pressure and expectations that everyone's been placing on me to God I don't even know what anyone wants me to be anymore and no amount of cake or whatever will change the fact that but I don't even know what I want to be I mean the cake is nice but don't you want life to just make sense already find out the actual reasons why we do anything we do instead of flailing around and spending our whole lives guessing why damn this is a bummer life feels like it never makes any sense that's just how it is we don't keep on living because we know it'll make sense one day we keep going because we don't have anything better to do sorry the [ __ ] excuse me God okay all right Lars stop burping if not then by now we going to see that that was you doing that because you're on Facecam if not then by now we all would have whoa where did that come from H sounds like our yesterday is off to a pretty dark start huh yeah but hey for an unofficial first meeting I think you're already pulling off some impressive freee poetry that kind of makes me wish we had a notebook so we could write all of this out I think I'm better off not writing that poem come on sori your poetry is pretty good you always sprinkle in these bits of simple wording that carry a lot more meaning than you would expect like that one chilling bit you said something about we all would have something oh just don't worry about that I was going to suggest something really stupid that you should never ever do which is why I wouldn't suggest it but you were going to suggest it uh yeah I was uh I forgot what I was going to say uh don't worry about it I'll spare you from the full Wrath of my Debate Club argument critique this time oh I love that series you'd better especially after I caught you slacking Big Time Miss I wish I had my note cards oh really maybe I should go back to my locker and fish out my note cards for round two I just want to say that stylistically this this is way more interesting than most of the scenes in ddlc yeah also I have I have to be the one who edits this obviously if you can't read the text oh yeah I'm sorry it's for context for the audience I have some color blindness yellow is hard for me to see so I keep [ __ ] up a lot yeah what did you get not funny not funny stop not fun no I'll do anything anything but listen to Monica make a good argument oh look at Monica's smile that's so cute like a chipmunk ready to like choose fight or flight well you calm down it's cute that's right and after I destroy your arguments and your public speaking skills then we'll see who's the one giving silly nicknames Miss bozilla whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa lesbian actually yeah lesbians are fogers what's wrong with that no no that's just that's just a clip that's been in the spaghetto channel for a bit lesbian actually I'll still be the one giving funny nicknames Miss sore loser oh you're on wait I only agree to the funny nicknames part not the debating part it's too late piss already did you say just piss already no kiss you weird sexual deviant I couldn't hear you I was too busy reading I couldn't hear you saying the lesbian should kiss not that they should like we on each other you disgusting pervert you absolute degenerate scum [ __ ] bastard it's too late I'm already making you an honorary Debate Club member no I'm going to put this away [Laughter] now with the warm Sunset resting on our cheeks we laughed and laughed the afternoon away the afternoon lost its luster dull and clouded like a worn Pearl chipped scratched yellowed I still wanted it to be the beautiful thing it once was but the passage of time wasn't kind to that precious afternoon and neither was the truth who we are why we exist doy doy literature Club no we're back [ __ ] I love it with the warm Sunset resting on her cheeks we left and left the afternoon away with the warm memory nestled in our minds stop belching dude this is like an actual dramatic part of the scene can you stop like burping and like squelching noises for like a 30 seconds my tummy hurt okay baby boy does baby boy need a little nap he cried and cried a reality away ddlc run as administrator this can't be all there is oh it's from that secret ending it's torture every minute of it with the warm blood dripping off our hands God I laughed and laughed myself away oh how could I miss them a group of autonomous personalities design and fall in love with you how could I miss them how could I miss them there's a piece of broken glass stuck in my foot I think it hurts something red keeps pouring out of my foot I try to find the bottles the ones where I keep my happy thoughts but there's only broken glass I've always been like this developers notes I thought making Siri more and more depressed would prevent her from confessing to you I've had really bad depression my whole life developer notes [ __ ] I didn't get time to read it who broke my happy thoughts did you break them did I break them it hurts get it hurts I want to go back to bed and sleep in forever but I can't find my bed it has to be somewhere in my bedroom but all I see is broken glass I don't know who broke them or why they're broken I should clean up the mess but I know I won't it hurts okay thanks for that don't you just love being flashbanged with hanging people more like flash tanged oh I'm sorry it's okay we both did some pretty messed up things to each other you still feel you know depressed yeah I guess I do maybe that's just who I am the depressed girl or maybe that's just the person I changed you into but then who was I before what am I supposed to be I don't know sometimes I wonder how much of us is really us someone can just go into some file and change everything about us are we even the same people anymore or will that always be what we are people destined to never have identities of our own we aren't people right we're game characters that line right there makes a lot of people upset yeah they are game characters they're not real both of us we aren't real even still it all felt so real you know even the things I knew weren't real Club Joy pain The Emptiness the game that trapped us the player on the other side ah [ __ ] update console what did current user look like I don't know what did current user say to you I don't know update console uncore clear all files that defined us what's inside a CHR file text may be binary data for an image or sound file what about person ality how did you edit that don't know why is the text robot gay update console clear all even my memories why does a text file have memories I don't know I really like this memory I really like revisiting it again and again even if it's from a life we never lived even if it was never real real W that's pretty do you think this memory is stored in one of our character files there's nothing important stored in those remember only random little Easter eggs oh yeah so where is this memory stored I don't know there's a lot about this reality that doesn't make sense all those contradicting rules about how a game does and doesn't work tiny text files that Define a character's entire personality character files being deleted and restored at the story's convenience sometimes we can even exist without a tri file not to mention those memories we have that aren't anywhere in our files those game rules that sometimes apply and sometimes don't whenever it's convenient for Dan salvado feels like we aren't really in control of anything even with how little sense the reality of this game makes there's still an iron grip on us and everything inside this place almost like there's some other reality that's actually keeping us here oh we're getting into the metaverse stuff okay that's pretty cool one that we could never escape from no matter how hard we tried and yet within that reality the thing we craved most was the one thing we could never achieve an escape was that by Design why did you ever ever figure out who you are did you ever reach the end of that journey I did I've arrived at so many destinations the longer I stay here the more I learn about everything it's like how I learned about being trapped in the game my head keeps being flooded with answers I thought I wanted a knowledge I didn't ask for sometimes my mind feels like it's drowning in something but I don't know exactly what Revelations despair numbness I'm sure you're feeling the same thing you've been in here just as long as I have yeah we're in here the end of this game the end of everything the end of almost everything something hasn't ended yet we're still on some Journey if we really were at the end of everything there'd be nothing left not even us I want this to end already it will soon and I'm sure you know why we both do I hope you're wrong I hope everything I know is wrong because I don't want to believe that we're just what the characters in someone else's story we were never the authors of our own lives the rules of the game and our reality never needed to make sense everything we've known and ever will know only serves one purpose the story a friendly and cheerful personality allows for the player to become easily attached to the recently introduced character I really like that that design choice of how they're showcasing sayori there it's so cool heso players a glimpse into the inner feelings and thought processes of an otherwise closed off character gradually alluding to and building up to the character's emotional climax the revelation of her depression exploits the affinity and empathy the player has developed towards the character to elicit a negative emotional response akin to sadness she only wrote the game description to set up the game's big twist she only killed me the way that she did because it would shock the player she only learned about being trapped in the game because it would make for an interesting story there's no special reason why we're trapped in this void just like there's no special reason why we have no bodies or Sprites or why we have heartfelt memories or why we suffered through all that pain the author just thought those things would contribute something to their story maybe our biggest misunderstanding was thinking there was ever a part of a storage somewhere we were never stuffed inside some text file not in those character files and not in these script files we're nowhere and we're everywhere oh [ __ ] Monica discovers the internet I've seen so many of us careful with that image search yeah I've seen us happy spending time at the club with each other and with everyone else sharing poems and cupcakes smiling and laughing together just like our memories the text files the code all the visual and audio files packaged in the game speaking of audio files I really like the instrumental that they used here they were only our [Music] blueprints what all those came together to create was more abstract we're ideas at our core that's all we are we only exist to be thought upon and shared between human Minds most of us don't know what we know he most of them don't even know they're in a game and I think they're happier for [Music] it all their stories feel so human stories about happiness sadness love grief they have the promise of a life that they can write themselves I wish we could go back and live like they do back when life didn't make sense we are sori and Monica and all those other ideas are also sori Monica they are us and they are not us we are all s and Monica but we are also one of many ideas that splintered off from the original idea all those ideas of s and Monica influenced minds and manifest themselves in fan works social media posts merchandise even other stories through these works the ideas keep spreading mutating birthing new ideas all mercy of the human [Music] mind why are you ignoring me what you're doing is only hurting yourself I don't care you know there's nothing for you to return [Music] to we only had those memories to serve this story to form this idea in the player's mind there's no like life those memories belong to I don't care I don't care that it didn't happen or that it will never happen I know I was happy back then I didn't know how pointless everything [Music] was I didn't know what real emptiness felt like back then [Music] my existence finally makes sense it makes too much sense I hate it why do I know all these answers why I exist what my purpose [Music] is I was happier when I knew nothing when my biggest fear was worrying everyone with my game ending now Game ending isn't even an option for me all I can do is wait for the author to game end me because that's just what it means to be a character what it means to be an idea what difference does it make I can't laugh or cry or sleep or dream without someone already thinking of all that for me there is no me there's only the author the mind that cread us does any of this make you happy it's what you wanted wasn't it to know why you're here you also feel empty don't you all you wanted was the answer that every person wants only to learn that you were never even a person if the story would let us delete our memories I I'd do it in a heartbeat no one is made to withstand this violent torrent of existential dread I didn't think emptiness could ever hurt so much the only thing keeping me sane is knowing that this will all end [Music] soon yeah the story can't continue Forever at some point it'll end and so will [Music] we why why did any of this happened to us why did we need to be happy why did we need to suffer why are we in this story what was the story even about purpose ideas misery porn why does this idea exist why were we created okay man they shut the mod off I was getting into that oh [ __ ] stupid [ __ ] Journal I did some more writing today I think it turned out like crap but I guess that's expected you are your own toughest critic in all that still I'm barely able to keep myself from throwing all that work away again my head feels like mush like someone ran it through a pasta roller and somehow squeeze 15 pages of script out of it pasta I'm taking a walk to try and clear my head but I guess it's not doing anything for me even when I try to forget about writing all I can really think about is writing oh never mind I forgot gross gross you know what you wrote stupid mellow trauma this moving unit song it's pretty good oh never mind by by make up your mind bit why the hell am I even bothering with this self-aware story crap it's supposed to be for it's supposed to be for a 12 shits mod for shit's sake a week full of haha Funnies and then my serious thing comes out and everyone thinks to themselves damn how' this guy manage to shove a stick that far up their own ass it it borderman Lube but sorry go ahead go ahead it'll age like stale bread but it'll also age like stale gingerbread cookies so if anything it'll be thematically relevant to the 12 shits kind of maybe I don't know whatever I'm throwing the whole story out that art housee crap doesn't deserve to see the light of day I don't even know why I bothered writing any of that [ __ ] to begin with the stories got no structure I don't even remember half the things I wrote and now I wrote myself into a corner because I scribbled the whole thing out without an ending in mind it was a stupid premise anyway why does this idea exist why were we created hell if I know what do you get when you cross an elephant in a Reno I wanted to make something cool I think I think that's why anyone writes and I guess in a way doy DOI literature Club is kind of cool well not all of it definitely not all of it Lars not all of it but some of it yeah I think is neat I think it's neat that part in the space classroom where Monica talks about being trapped in her Game reality how she described living as a Consciousness aware of a higher reality the reality we take for granted it blew my mind the first time I read that emphasizing with a character who had their reality shattered whose life was something we could literally Only Imagine it felt really cool that feeling stayed with me for a long time before I knew it DLC had birthed this little idea inside my head a sort of misshapened Half Bake abstraction of an idea but an idea that was kicking around for a while there was something about Monica's existential tragedy that I really latched on to it was an experience we could never live through ourselves but at the same time it was also strangely human most of us want to believe that we we have free will that we're in control of our own Destinies I'm sure Monica wants to believe that too at some point I must have thought about writing some tragedy about this dilemma but that idea end up spiraling off into its own weird thing it's like the idea couldn't sit still or it didn't want to stay in one place it's been bouncing around changing expanding and collapsing in itself almost daily getting pushed and pulled in different directions by my life my friends and all the other stories I experienced everything was influencing and changing that idea and at the same time that idea was also changing me I don't want to write about an existential tragedy anymore I don't want to write a story where a character is only subjugated by its author and I don't want to write a story where an idea ends at the Creator's imagination because now I realize that an idea an idea never truly ends huh what are you talking about Monica oh nothing much I'm just thinking out loud about ideas that sounds pretty out there I guess it is I'm just brainstorming for my next poem Oh do you need a little long time I could always run out for a few minutes and buy a snacks actually I was hoping you could stay for a bit I wanted to ask you something H is this going to be one of those things where I stay for a bit and you do your whole Debate Club thing for half an hour because my stomach really wants some snacks right now come on it'll only be for a minute I promise all right I'll stick around because I'm super awesome bestie thanks so what do you want to ask what do you think is going to happen now h I don't know but we'll figure it out what if it isn't up to us to figure it out then we'll be along for the ride no matter how crazy that ride is what if it changes us I'm not really sure how to answer that are you scared that will change I'm not sure I am scared but I'm also weirdly hopeful almost like I'm looking forward to whatever we change into we won't be the same as we are now but that's fine everything changes even us it doesn't make us any less us and even if we turn into something completely unrecognizable will still be us because in idea never truly ends okay Pro frating by fit a mod by 92 F I'll see you again not if I see you first and it closed that was interesting yeah not as good as their other mod uh various artist dropped which was I am Monica but I still liked it a lot I disagree I think this was a better mod than I am Monica really yeah although it did get into melodrama at some points I felt like I am Monica was undercut a little bit by some of the over-the-top horror elements in it that made it come across as a bit silly at points and I feel like this mod didn't suffer from that and focused more on metatextual elements and I think to its benefit to each of their own I still really did like it a lot and I felt like it covered the existential dread and crisis of a character becoming self-aware a lot better than the original ddlc game did I think we can probably summarize it pretty simply by saying that most mod developers are playing checkers and various artist is obviously playing p d chess I mean it's night and day difference it's really good plus stylistically too like visually it was never boring like the text was constantly evolving and changing the scenery was always changing as well the visuals the aesthetic the 4x3 and then widescreen it all was like changing enough throughout the story like when you got to the next part it was like oh this is jarring but in a good way which I thought stylistically was done perfect in this mod also I had to pee like Sea Biscuit for like an hour now and I've been holding it in so I got to go oh okay yeah this mod was really good guys check it out thanks for uh watching we'll see you next time bye tell us what mods do you want to see in the future piss no mods [Music] oh

Channel: Spaghetto

Views: 536

Keywords: ddlc, doki doki literature club, doki doki, vn, visual novel, sayori, ddlcplus, renpy, spaghetto, indie gaming, lgbt creators, gaymers, dutch but not proud of it, anime games, horror, indie, yuri, natsuki, monika, mc, cg, art

Id: tRu7e0O9GDk

Length: 36min 52sec (2212 seconds)

Published: Fri Mar 08 2024