From an age gap and cultural differences to a long-distance relationship, enduring love, and a same-sex relationship There are many dating challenges That this couple has faced I’m Lisa From Malaysia I’m 25 years old. I’m Joe From Hong Kong We’ve been together for 8 years. We have an 18-year age gap. I’m the one who pursued her. Young people tend to have a more direct and decisive way of thinking. If they like something, they just go for it. I often joke that I could be her mother in terms of age. If I were that lucky, if there was an age gap of just 3 years. They have a significant generation gap – 6 years. The only drawback of an 18-year age difference is the matter of energy – Their energy levels. Hey! No, no. You put it into words nicely. Your Cantonese is really not too good. Through video calls alone, We managed to survive a long-distance relationship for 3 years. We couldn’t meet up for 3 years due to the COVID lockdown. In order to continue the relationship with Joe, Lisa decided to give up her high income and comfortable life in Malaysia, come to Hong Kong and become a student again. This is where I live in Malaysia. It's a two-story apartment. I can finally live with my girlfriend. But I never expected that the ultimate difficulty would be disputes between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. I never thought of it! I never thought there would be so many problems. Although we’re still young, what we fear most is getting older. If I die before her, what is she going to do? Our most important step now is to make a will. She brought up the idea of us buying insurance. "7 Million Lives" We’ve been in a long-distance relationship for 6 years – a unique couple with an 18-year age difference. Yes. Is 8 million Hong Kong dollars cheap? You can buy a villa in Malaysia at this price. With a pool! Sometimes I'm not used to The saleable area of Hong Kong units. Most are in the range of 300 to 500 square feet. If you really want to live in Hong Kong for a long time, I have to get used to this. The couple met through a dating app 8 years ago. Lisa was under 18 years old at the time. I didn't even expect it! A long-distance unconditional love. I can’t believe it’s lasted 8 years and we have even reached the stage of discussing marriage. This is very Hong Kong-style. What's written on it? After living in Hong Kong for two years, I’m more sure of my intention to stay in Hong Kong. This is where I lived before. It was a two-story apartment. One kitchen and two toilets. There was also a parking space when I rented it. I opened a company in Malaysia for video production. I’m currently studying games and animation at the Hong Kong Institute of Vocational Education. My job was editing, so I had a big iMac at home and sold it to someone else at a low price. I was actually very heartbroken. But there was no other way to move to Hong Kong. My income in Malaysia was regarded as middle-class in Hong Kong. There, my monthly income was enough to let me enjoy the spa, that kind of stuff. Everything was just fine. But if I chose to come to Hong Kong, I knew it would all be gone. Like the shoes I used to have. I had more than 10 pairs of shoes in my closet. I had already made a lot of choices when I came to Hong Kong. Then I came to Hong Kong with only two large suitcases and a small one. I felt like if neither of us took a step forward or backward, it would be difficult to continue the relationship. That’s why Lisa moved from a duplex apartment to a typical dwelling in Hong Kong. I wasn’t used to it at first. For example, when taking a shower in Malaysia, you can shower with your hands open like this. But in Hong Kong? I tried it many times. Even now, we still bump into each other when taking a shower. Because I only came to Hong Kong with a student visa, which is valid for two years, I still don’t know whether I can stay in Hong Kong for a long time. So I decided to move into Joe's house and live with her parents. Our main activity space is our room. In this relationship, I’ve done so many things. Love, it’s love! It was me who pursued her. When we first exchanged contact info, when I introduced myself, I mentioned my age right away. (Have you ever wondered about dating her?) Have you ever thought about it? It's okay, you can say it. Have you ever thought about it? We’re about to get married. What are you afraid of? Initially, there was none because when I met her, she was just 18. I wondered if she was looking for a back-up. Hey Joe, be careful, She’s young and pretty. Are you afraid that she’ll play with her feelings? I often laugh and say that I can be her mother when I am old enough. If I was that lucky! Yes. She’s older than her 18 years. Then we were together for 8 years. My friends have seen us overcome many challenges. I feel she is genuine. (Full of confidence) Yes, for sure. I think that transnational love is the most difficult. We’ve been dating for 8 years and still feel madly in love. It’s hard to imagine that this couple has overcome a 6-year long-distance relationship. I'm very clingy, and I still like it now. With our initial plan, we didn’t have high expectations. We just wanted to meet a few times a year. When we missed each other, I’d try to buy a flight ticket in the early morning and show up suddenly the next day to give her a surprise. Why are you here in Hong Kong? Because I missed you so much! (So do you have any tips for people in a long-distance relationship?) Make sure to have video and phone calls. Every day, call before going to sleep. Then we’d stay up all night until the next morning. I’d close my eyes and imagine her sleeping next to me because we couldn’t see each other. If you don’t contact each other enough, you just become pen pals. Trust is especially important. Mistress? I don’t have one. For sure. Are you implying that I have someone on the side? Because from the moment I started my relationship with her, I shared everything on social media. I thought this would give her a sense of security. (Would it make you feel uneasy if Joe didn’t make it public?) Yes. We’ve talked about this many times. It seems that 20-somethings and 40-somethings have different perspectives on trust and security. She is actually a more private person. I just feel like, I’m not ugly. It's not like we’re doing something shady. I think her doing this would make me a little uncomfortable. I used to tell her this, Maybe important holidays later. She started to slowly post photos. Young people love social media. Later, Joe didn’t just post photos – She even broke through and appeared on Lisa’s YouTube channel. At first, I was a little reluctant. But later, because I knew she wanted to start a YouTube channel, I stopped hiding and cooperated with her. But she needs to understand What the other person’s love language is. She thought the way to make me feel safe would be a little different – maybe more realistic. For example, economic or emotional stability, etc. And because of the long distance, the age gap issue has become less obvious. Distance creates beauty. When we are still far away physically, we can pretend that we don’t see it. Everything is still beautiful. But what was unexpected was that because of COVID we were unable to see each other for nearly three years. This is the first time we haven’t spent New Year’s Eve together What are your wishes for the new year? We hope the epidemic will pass soon! 3 2 1 Happy New Year! My girlfriend sent me a big box of stuff from Hong Kong. I never thought she would be so romantic. The only time it was really serious that I wanted to break up was during the epidemic Is she really worth me holding onto? Is she really worth me holding onto? You’ll think that when you are unhappy. There’s someone by your side for you to rely on. The moment I mentioned the breakup, I started to miss her before nightfall. I wouldn’t be used to it without her. At that moment I thought, it’s time to end this long distance relationship. Joe has thought about moving to Malaysia, And we thought about moving to Thailand. In the end, Lisa decided to use a student visa to come to Hong Kong to study and reunite with Joe. I want to tell you something. My document verification didn’t go through. What?! Joking! Haha! You could tell me early. We can be together now. Six years of a long-distance relationship turned into a long-term relationship. It turns out that every couple has to adapt. I don’t think there’s been much of a transitional period. But I think she has. It used to be like online dating, meet up regularly, then back to single. We really live together now. That feeling is very real. I really have a girlfriend and I'm not single! Physical contact is the most innate. It felt very unfamiliar at first, and I thought maybe I’d be shy. I’m improving a lot. So she is. It seems that I am not shy! I need to adapt to where I live. and integrate into the community around me. Wanna eat French toast? Yes, I haven't had French toast in a long time. It's hard to read these menus. I need her help to translate. Is this sole fish fillet a brand of fish? Which kind of fish? That fish is called sole fish. Okay. Then I wanna have the sole rice. What kind of sauce do you want? Pardon? At the beginning, I really couldn’t understand what the waiter was saying while ordering. They ask me what I want to have for meal A and meal B? The taste of the food is more different than I imagined. So Joe carries Lisa's personal chili sauce with her. (It’s like preparing supplies when taking your baby out!) Yes, my mom made that chili sauce when I came to Hong Kong. I’m not used to eating anywhere without chili. But only the chili oil! And on days when Joe can’t be with Lisa, Lisa takes the time to explore Hong Kong – to learn more about this place as soon as possible, as she may continue to live here years into the future. So what languages do you speak in Malaysia? English, Malay and my own mother tongue. For example, Chinese people learn Mandarin. Many of us can understand Cantonese. I started speaking more Cantonese. It only happened after meeting Joe. My girlfriend was born in the early 1980s. Compare that to my 00s classmates! Even Hong Kong locals use different words. Yes. I think that’s very interesting. (What’s the thing you were most surprised by when you came to Hong Kong?) While many things are very similar, the way people interact is always a little different. I can’t speak for all Malaysians, but my personality is more enthusiastic. I wonder if most Hong Kongers have a protective layer. Wow, chili! This is Pan Mee. Try this In my family, all three generations are involved in catering and they all sell these noodles. Did you need to help in the store as a child? As you can see, my skin is dark. Actually, I was a little miserable when I was a kid, because I was like a child laborer. I’d have to get up between 5 and 6 in the morning to open a stall and sell things until around 10am. Then I’d change clothes and go to school. The first thing I did when I graduated was leave home and go out to make money of my own. But you gave up your career. Wasn’t that a big decision? What about your business? You started your own company. Are you talking about the decision to come to Hong Kong? I've been thinking about it for a long time. There’s no other way for love that way. Its boiling, but you already get used to it, right? I like looking at old stuff. I like Sandy Lam very much. I love listening to old songs. I like Anita Mui too, because that’s what my father’s generation listened to. (Are your tastes in music the one thing that goes beyond your age gap?) Maybe. After watching us for so long, I think everyone is curious. Is there any problem with the age gap between the two of them since they’re 18 years apart? “Sales agent” “Age gap” (Joe doesn’t understand when Lisa talks about school-related things.) (But does Lisa understand when Joe shares things about work?) Yes. But I will still share. Because it doesn’t matter whether she understands what I said or not. It’s a way for me to release my stress. I’ll share with her even though she can’t understand. It’s all a way of finding relief. For people who have gone through so many difficulties, the age gap doesn’t matter anymore. Immature? Yes. I think I'm very immature. During our time together, I think she’s given me some of her strengths. For example, she is a very thoughtful person. Now I’ve matured a lot. It’s not just about overcoming the age gap. It’s even helped us. This age gap makes me feel more at ease – to grow up at such a young age because she can lead me. If sometimes she thinks too rigidly – Because I’ve reached middle age – Maybe my presence can give her a little energy. inspire her. It turns out it can be like this! She knows more than me. She’s like my map. Before I met her, she was a homebody. Peng Chau I have never been to Peng Chau in my life. So beautiful! So funny. 我認為相差18歲的唯一缺點 I think the only disadvantage of being 18 years apart is Energy. Our energy levels. Hey! You put it into words nicely. Your Cantonese is really not very good. For example, after a middle-aged person goes to work all day, they are tired at night. Young people can stay up all night. I want to chat with her and she’s already falling asleep. The age difference and long distance have been overcome. They can finally live together. Who knew that the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law would be the ultimate test? At first, I washed them at her house. Asking Grandma to help you wash your clothes – You’d be afraid of it. It’s better to handle it on my own. We usually do the laundry once a week. We usually sit here and chat or grab something to eat over there, then go to the park, sit down and chat. Talk about things that are not convenient to talk about at home. (For example?) Our future plans, or if Grandma isn’t doing well. (What kinds of problems are there, for example?) Mostly the small stuff. When taking a shower, a lot of her hair fell out. You have to clean it up yourself. Don’t leave it to me to do it for you. (When Lisa first moved here,) (did you ever think there would be so much stress?) I never thought of it. I never thought there would be so many problems. This way? Not that way? There’s one decade apart in age between her and me Then there’s another decade apart with her parents. So they’re the same age as my grandparents-in-law. So I think the differences between us trigger a big cultural clash. We agreed at the beginning that if I lived in their house, I would give money to her family. I told my parents at the beginning that it was okay, no problem. But it turned out that there were many problems when we lived together. And they’ve set a curfew that we have to go home before 11pm. Open the door when you get home. It was quite noisy when we took a bath, which affected their rest time. (But have you always lived at home without these rules?) No, none of it. Because they have a very traditional mindset. You have to agree and do what they say, never talk back. But Lisa would. That’s a big issue. I don’t think I talk back. The way I interact with my parents is, when there are certain things that we find displeasing or make us unhappy, even though they are elders, if they make a mistake, I’ll tell them: “You shouldn’t be doing it this way.” “You have to do it this way.” I would help them reflect and figure out a better way. (When Joe was not at home,) (you’d try not to go home?) Sure. I believe most wives would not want to stay with their mother-in-law alone. If I stay in Hong Kong for a long time, I will definitely think about moving out. In her 6th year of dating Lisa, only then did Joe dare to confess to her conservative parents that she likes girls. Maybe because of this, her parents need more time to accept their daughter-in-law. Honestly, she has has a really big influence on me, because I never thought about coming out before. My parents are very traditional, so they couldn’t accept this at all. But I thought, I’ve been with her so long, no matter what, I have to give her a commitment. She made me dare to do many things that I didn't dare to do before. But I don’t dare to talk back yet. It's one of the things that I don’t dare to do. Youth, time, money: All of these are invested in this relationship. The 25-year-old girl in front of me is truly not easy to deal with at all. I’m someone who cares about my feelings very much. But after I got together with Joe, I kind of put her before myself. Of course I’ve asked myself many times, do I really want to do this? I cherish this relationship very much, So I am willing to do it for this relationship – Put in some effort and make some sacrifices. She is loyal, kind, and loves me very much. Many people tell me that. After I started dating Joe, I became more beautiful. She’s proud of it. I told her it’s like raising flowers. She is so good that my relatives will tell me, it would be nice if she was a boy. She would be a good spouse. But I will say it’s the other way around. Girls can also get married. Nothing wrong with that. Then they laugh. It may seem that I’m more committed, but that isn’t the case. For example, she provided me with a place to stay, so at least I don't have to worry that I’m spending my savings now. So financially and physically, she helps me more. She knew that when I was in Hong Kong, it was very difficult for me to stay with her family. She always stuck up for me to her parents and spoke up on my behalf. And she has chosen me. Coming out to her family is actually a big decision, because it's easy for me to say it but it's something she has had to think about for a long time. So I see her making a lot of effort. My course is over, and my student visa is about to expire. Remembering all the documentation and the visa I had to apply for when coming to Hong Kong, it’s been a very painful process. This is my Hong Kong visa. Because I didn’t expect it would be so difficult to apply at the beginning. I was rejected two or three times and they asked me to supplement some documents. One of the reasons for return at that time Lisa needed to explain the relationship between herself and her guarantor, Joe. I actually thought about how to write about my reasons for a long time. because I was afraid of being too straightforward. If I told them that my girlfriend and I were in a same-sex relationship, they probably wouldn’t accept that. But I eventually wrote that on the application form because I thought I had to be honest, and finally it was approved. After all, coming to Hong Kong to study as a foreigner is quite expensive, so Lisa had considered whether she could apply for a dependent visa. It’s a pity that there was no clear way at that time to accept same-sex partners as dependents. However, with the efforts of those who came before, there seems to be some slight improvement. Online Service for Visa application Residence There is an item field: “dependent.” Because I pay close attention to the Immigration Department website, I found that there are new rules now. Same-sex couples can apply for a dependent visa. (Didn’t that rule exist two years ago?) Not yet. So we have to plan how to stay and live together in Hong Kong. Then Lisa and Joe decided to use the online marriage registration service in Utah, USA, to register for marriage. This time I tried to apply for a dependent visa as a same-sex couple. Take the photo horizontally. Sorry. Beautiful. We’ve been together for so many years. It’s time to commit. A girl needs that. You’re also a girl. I don’t need it. I don’t care much about that kind of commitment. Single people will think that you are still acceptable to pursue. See? So marriage is a protection for me. It's like once you wear a ring. You can't take it off. So you have to think about it carefully, whether you really want to stay with this person for the rest of your life. Although we are still young, one of the biggest fears in a May-December romance is growing old. Still, there is an age gap of 18 years between me and her. Honestly if I were to pass away before her, what would she do? For example, what would happen to my assets or other related matters afterwards? It might be necessary to create a will in such a situation. Indeed, nowadays many insurance companies in Hong Kong offer policies that can address such concerns. Life insurance I plan to consider purchasing one of those policies after getting married, whenever the opportunity arises. But I’m not greedy for that from you. It’s not a matter of greed or not. This is a guarantee, protecting your future life in case I'm not around. Because I never thought about it before, there will be someone willing to marry me. Now I’ve found someone who is really willing to follow me. It’s very touching. I think there is still a long journey ahead. It's just that we're walking this journey together. "Legacy" has different forms and meanings for different people. Legacy is more than just passing on wealth to the next generation. Even more importantly, a spirit or mission can be passed on – Like for Lisa and Joe. Same-sex marriage is not legally protected in Hong Kong. 便要自己想多一步 計劃得更You have to think one step ahead and plan long-term. Chubb Life Insurance offers you the utmost flexibility. Every way of legacy. Chubb MyLegacy Insurance Plan III allows you to choose your insurance beneficiary independently. It’s not limited to just immediate relatives, spouses or legal heirs. Cohabiting partners, unmarried couples or even charities can be beneficiaries. This allows you to leave behind an inheritance in different ways.
