MJF Roasts Barstool Employees

all right so a little wrestling extra here we have got the fastest rising star in the history of professional wrestling i'm i'm miserable but i said that that's what you told me to say i'm still here and i'm just miserable the fastest rising star in the history of professional wrestling it is maxwell jacob freeman he is better than you and you know it why did you just say it like confused are you that horrible at speaking out loud it's not that i'm saying are you better than them or you're not better than me so i'm saying he's better than you and you guys know it lower the chair i'm not lowering the chair lower the chair i'm gonna leave i'm brandon [ __ ] walker i sit in a high j i'm gonna have the high all right so he is new to bar stool hasn't really consumed it very much because in his words he doesn't care about this [ __ ] company is that about accurate there's 100 it's literally what i said verbatim what about dave portnoy a big fan of him el presidente yeah i don't know who that is you just said his nickname what if i could get you on a pizza review what's a pizza review you're such an [ __ ] you've got gluten in that yes there's gluten and i can't eat that all right so what i'm going to do is i'm going to show you some barcelona employees and i just want your first your first glance your first reaction yeah here we go so bring up this one photo number one aria is white sox dave wow um so we're looking at a soulless ginger here right um moreover we're looking at somebody who's got a good pair of tits on him yeah um he's drinking what has he got there what type of beer is that i think that's a i don't know what that is yeah he's drinking a beer that i've never even heard of that's a keystone light oh wow that's a keystone the poorest of all poor beers and he's got just a glutinous mess stuffed in between his dumb greasy disgusting paws what do you think about his facial hair that goes all the way to his eyes it looks like pubes next next next picture please all right we've got that's little sass the king of new york okay that's a little sass the king of new york i i'm shook i don't even i i honestly for the first time in my life i feel bad saying something about this guy this looks like a guy who genuinely has never felt the touch of a woman and never will and his head is so small right yeah it is so peculiarly small i'm he's a young boy i is he or is he 50 and he just looks like he's young 20 year old man he's like you he's a prodigy that guy's 28. 20 20. 20 2-0 [ __ ] all right next picture i'm so what was his name again that was a little sassy new york little sass i'm so sorry that you have to look in the mirror like ever all right let's go with the next one this guy just got a face last year all i see is teeth that's literally all i see i could land my [ __ ] jet on those disgusting beaver buck teeth and then look at his arms look at his disgusting noodle arms yeah he literally looks like he poured himself into that shirt he's disgusting that's rico bosco well rico you need to go go get the [ __ ] out of here where do you think rico is from i don't want to look at this guy anymore next staten island oh all right let's marty mush okay marty let's talk about the fact that you're flipping me off right now and you have more dirt under your fingernail than somebody who literally is a gardener for a living right you have so much dirt under your fingernail you look like you're from the movie [ __ ] holes do you remember that movie from disney no i was a great flick you would know if you weren't such an old piece of [ __ ] this guy looks like he hasn't showered in months not weeks months so that's marty mush and marty have you ever heard of keeps or rogaine your hair isn't just receding it's [ __ ] leaving next question wait wait wait wait what that's the long island guy oh no he's from ron conquest what part oh we don't talk about that we don't talk we don't we don't talk about right what what's wrong with wrong comments the equivalent of saying queens is in long island it's not the same so could you guess that guy was from around hong kong i could have 100 percent if you if you put 10 long islanders in a row right i literally would have been able to go rock [ __ ] right away all right let's go to the next picture please all right right there jersey jerry you look like you don't have a problem with jersey jerry i we have some bad facial hair here i um your breath smells shockingly good next picture please that seems like a lot that seems like yeah this guy's absolutely incredible looking i love his aesthetic the hat's great and it definitely doesn't make him look like a pedophile next question next question please all right glenny balls we're not a good looking company lenny looks like he's got two balls hanging from his [ __ ] chest look at that titty just flopping about loose as ever yeah um do you like his randy orton tattoos um so here's the deal those tattoos randy randy is his name randy what's his name that's glenny balls well lenny balls you got a whole lot of balls to think you can pull those [ __ ] tattoos off pal i think they're fake there you think they're hannah no they aren't they are they're fake for for a bit oh they're headed tattoos he doesn't actually wear those tattoos oh well then he's not as dumb as he looks oh i wouldn't go that far next please from long island too he's from long island too ronkonkoma no malvern malvern he's from roncalcoma all right next slide all right there's john feidelberg well i'm glad you love your life pal because i don't think anybody loves you that's geez louise yeah it's an ugly company look at his mustache we're not pretty he looks like the dude was that the guy from the civil war with the crazy looking mustache every guy in civil war yeah pretty much he looks like he just came right out of it but then somehow got transported here and he saw this hat and he was like oh i gotta buy this speaking of the civil war i mean the south south could rise again you know you never know big hulk hogan fan next place yeah that's me for my that's in my house in new jersey i live in new jersey house with a fence see that so i want you to i'm just gonna i'm just gonna shoot straight with you okay yeah don't get upset i'm not promise i can take it okay good i want you to get cancer like cancer cancer or just like terms like kill me cancer terminal six months i'm looking at this photo and i wouldn't even want you to have two days i really wouldn't and i i hope to god that your hot wife moves on fast but i can assure you that by looking at this photo there is no way it's going to take a long time i see the outline of your penis in your shorts and it is underwhelming to say the least your balls are three times the size of your penis it the ratio is got all okay i got it i got it i got it everybody else you gave like one roast i just you literally look like cottage cheese distending out of that t-shirt next picture please wait what i thought we were that's me too i photoshopped abs i can i be honest i want photoshop i want to take back what i said i think i photoshopped your abs in i want you to die right now i didn't know we were you want me to die just because i'm ugly jude you want the world free of ugly people is that a real question there wouldn't be very many people left yeah thank [ __ ] god all right anybody else uh we have dave yes we did you forgot to you forgot to put put dave out there no it's here do you have good producers at aew uh yeah much better than this fat piece of [ __ ] who's this that's dave portnoy founder of the company el presidente dave portnoy wasn't there like a movie with jack black and his his like name in the movie was dave portnoy i don't think so and he had a whole entire skit about farting in the movie and it was tropic thunder i think producer can you pull up tropic thunder and look up uh dave portnoy jack black i don't think his name was dave portman i think it was something important also dave jewish you're jewish he's jewish you should be buddies i always share a kosher slice of pizza with that guy i think i don't think they make kosher jeff portonway jeff jeff you're so [ __ ] stupid wow how insane is my recall can we just talk about that first total recall jamie can you pull that up recall his his name's arya that wasn't close oh it's not jamie no oh geez not total just whatever fine you think we're all ugly you think we're all talentless pieces of [ __ ] pretty much you think barcelo's a waste of your time that's what you said yeah 100 yeah now uh steve what was the name arya arya got it john if you could just pull up states ranked no we're not doing this we're going to pull up we're not doing this you just pull up states rank you know what we should do we ought to pull up his [ __ ] huddle video and watch him miss tackles that's what we should do oh you want to pull up my husband let's pull up his huddle video watch him first let's ah first i want to read these stats and then we'll talk about me literally breaking a record what record in high school long island football with long island football 102 tackles in a in a season i would argue long island football the worst football in a minute all right pardon on one second all states rank from best to worst what is number one we can't we don't have the we can't we don't have i think we have the technology for it look okay so right at least okay so that's the most popular right there that's all we want right hawaii colorado virginia those are all we go to the worst please what are we doing here he's not very smart i don't understand what's going on he's not why is there so much problems oh look at you 49. look at you we're not gonna have fun [ __ ] lutely not we're 49 we're ahead of alabama [ __ ] you alabama [ __ ] you alabama right under one of the worst places in the world new jersey oh god i have lived in 49 and 48. i moved from 49 to 48. that stinks new jersey's not that bad i'd love to say i feel bad for you but you deserve every bit now please pull up um my huddle you should come to uh you should come to um jersey we should hang out stop talking out loud huddle max friedman yeah and now you gotta pick the right one and just so you know the music that's used in this that's hulk hogan's theme music you're a hulk hogan fan was okay me too i don't still flaunt it i did i didn't because i'm from mississippi i didn't draw that and i'm tone deaf nick to rainy drew that anyway it's senior highlights senior highlights there we go right there bam max freeman number 55 class of 2014. make it big okay that make it loud pump the [ __ ] volume pal i was probably going through the oh good yeah yeah plain view old beth phase john f ken that's too long of a high school playing the old page john f kennedy high school okay there you are 55 55. oh oh okay that was actually kind of impressive all right 55 right here 55. i'm sure i won't do anything here oh my bad safety well this is a highlight tape this is a highlight film that's all this is of 102 tackles in one season how many games did you play i think the same regulation you look really muscular then what happened what are you playing out in somebody's yard what kind of what kind of schools are these regulation long island nobody has logos on their helmets right there we got we got a we got a good logo in the middle of field there what were you the hawks ouch plain view hawks for life baby i told death look at this wait wait wait wait knock him out oh that was disappointing that was a lot of build up what are you talking about he got the first down all right check this out oh now that's a good looking uniform where are you getting lost again boom i'm not sure you did the work no help dude on me here we go [Music] you're right i shouldn't sing hulk hogan's song i'm from mississippi and it's not good messaging not good messaging at all [ __ ] great i am at literally everything why so why don't you go to college to play hold up hold up [Applause] did you think about going to college play football did i think yeah i had uh i had numerous division one offers with scholarships well now the the place i ended up going to was the university of hartwick that offered me a full ride yeah he was on education because it was a d3 school which is why my parents wanted me to go right and uh i literally left after a week because i knew what my destiny was was that a poor person school it's literally a private school in oneonta and like only good-looking rich people are literally allowed entry into the building i've been to oneonta there's a subway there's delicious i get the uh i got the meatball sub 12 inch and then on the side i get a uh it's the only 12 inches you've ever held in your hand or you ever will this has been wrestling this has been mjf it's been great hasn't it i have been dead inside goodbye everybody

Channel: Barstool Rasslin'

Views: 87,109

Keywords: AEW, MJF, Pro Wrestling, Professional Wrestling, Roast, barstool, barstool sports, brandon walker, fun, funny, marty mush, roman reigns, tony khan, vince mcmahon, wrestling, wwe

Id: NCVEWpzzhR8

Length: 14min 29sec (869 seconds)

Published: Fri Oct 22 2021

Reddit Comments

[u/NYBball28]

Them watching his HS football video was hysterical

[u/DirtyAlabama]

Got a good laugh at “look that titty! flopping about, just loose as ever” haha pretty funny video

[u/Klobasnik]

You know the movie Holes? You would know it if you weren't such an old piece of shit. Gold.

[u/BSCommenter2]

LIL Sas broke his character

[u/KimmieJongUn]

Should’ve had him on the Yak like Bryan Danielson was. He would have thrived on that show

[u/BradLidgeIn08]

I found this hilarious. Not really into wrestling but damn this guy is quick witted with the insults. His reaction to Rico and WSD cracked me up

[u/HappyPhilmore3]

At this point, Brandon Walker should be getting paid by Tony Khan. His show is just an AEW promotion. I’m also okay with that.

[u/katatafish]

“I want you to get cancer” absolutely broke me.

[u/VicVinegar011]

Not your father’s little Long Island Jew