- We are extremely excited
to present something we've been working on for quite some time. You've asked for us to
play D&D for quite a while, and we heard you and we did the thing. Welcome to Sword AF.
(group cheers and applauds) - I've been working on this campaign and making it from scratch
for a few months now. It's been a huge collaborative effort from the Smosh Games team. So, if you're new here, why
don't we go around the table and meet all our Smosh games
players for our first campaign? - Hi, my name's Shayne. I've played D&D a couple times before, but I think this is gonna
be the real one for me. This is gonna be my first like, deep dive. I'm stoked. - Hi, I'm Angela. I've played
D&D before. 5'5" is my height. (group laughs) - Hi, I'm Damien Haas. I've been on Smosh games for a while and I've been playing D&D here and there. I usually join friend's
campaigns as like a guest, and this is my first time
DMing a full campaign. - Yes! Hi guys. I'm Amanda and I have not
played D&D and I'm so excited to discover and go on this
journey with everybody. - Hey, what's up? I'm Chanse. I've played D&D before. I've been in one campaign
for like two years now, but I'm a new class and a new race, so I'm trying new things. - Let us begin our story. "The Age of Heroes", a
time when all of creation, whether mundane or magical, lives in constant fear of the darkness that lurks around every corner. But in this era of great peril,
there also hangs in the air a sense of opportunity for those that are exceptionally strong,
or wise, or clever, or brave, to seize back control
of their own narratives and rise as legendary heroes to forever etch their names
in the annals of history. Now that age has recently
passed with dragons being slain, wars being won, lines
being drawn in the sand, and people living in relative
comfort now and peace. But with everybody growing up
hearing about these heroes, it was generally expected that you would yourselves
become one, one day. So mercenary groups roam the land taking on whatever job is available, though now in this time of peace, they are few and far between, and there are far too
many mercenary groups, they're going to have to
adapt to make ends meet. Our story begins in Seraphel, a bustling city on the western shore. As a huge hub of trade and culture, creatures of all shapes and
sizes make their way here to find whatever destiny has in store. And today, a meeting of one
of the most recognizable mercenary troops has been ordered, but instead of their normal headquarters, the members have instead
been ordered to meet where all good adventures
start, at a tavern. - I knew it. - No, you've played before. - Yay.
- You gotta start that way. We first see a small goblin of bluish skin sauntering up, right on time. Eager as a beaver to the
front of this tavern. Tell us a little bit about this person. - I'm Bug. I'm also a cleric
of the trickster domain and I'm a goblin. I'm looking around, I know I'm gonna start working with some new people. I'm really excited and I
go straight to the bar. I'm, you know, when people are excited, and they're standing on
the edge of their toes? I'm doing that, and I'm
walking back and forth and I keep my, I have a hammer
that's really, really shiny and I keep looking at it and I
keep like adjusting my gauges and, 'cause, you can
adjust them, you know, and I, it's just really
first day of school energy coming from Bug. - While Bug is at the bar, right on time, never early, never late. We see an older halfling
walk into the bar. Can you tell us a little
bit about that, Amanda? - I am Delores Paradise and I'm a halfling and I'm also a warlock and I'm really, really
thrilled to be here. (group laughs) You know, I've been in my home
prepping and getting ready and I'm wearing my favorite dress. It has apples on it. I love apple pie. I brought slices for
everybody just in case. I think they're smooshed
in my bag right now, but I'll bring them out and
everyone can enjoy them. And the tavern is really busy. oh my god, I'm trying
to look for my friends. Is anyone here? Oh, I think I see Bug. I'm gonna get a glass of mead. - Ooh.
- Oh yeah. - Okay. Starting off strong there. - Big glass. - So as y'all are awkwardly standing and not quite interacting yet, we see someone show up
only a couple minutes late. They've got like this
kind of saunter to them. Tell us a little bit about that Chanse. - What's up? I'm Koda. I'm an elf, like a summer elf
wizard and I'm a blade singer. It means I'm really good with blades. This is my blade, Snake's Talon. I'm still a writing on a scroll, still finishing up a letter. I put my pen away and I scroll
it back up and I look around, not as busy as I want
it to be. That's okay. I saunter over to the bar. - Nice. And so, you know, y'all are waiting there
a little bit awkwardly. You've worked together before, you know, but you're not super,
super tight quite yet. There's just a little bit of familiarity of somebody that could be picked for the same job in this mercenary group. So you're making a little bit
of eye contact here and there and five minutes late with
not a care in the world, you start to feel a little bit
of a rumbling on the ground as though something
with heavy weighted feet is walking up and
bursting through the door. - Yeah, right through the door comes an eight foot tall wooden robot, a druid war forged named Fernie. I come in, I burst through
and I just go "alcohol!" (group laughs) And then saunter up to the
bar and just stop there, and I'm looking for who I
was supposed to be here with and I'm so excited. - Oh my gosh. Okay. I,
Bug sees him and is like, "alcohol! Nice to meet you.
I must be working with you." - Oh, sweet, alcohol.
Great. We both love alcohol. - That's your name? - No, Fernie. - Oh okay. Whoops. - I wish it was alcohol.
That'd be so cool. - Don't get too drunk. We have a meeting. - Oh, right. - Yeah. I'll take four
meads. What do you guys want? - Oh, I'm just gonna
have one glass of mead. - Four meads for the one of you. - I'll take a barrel of ale. (Angela laughs) - Okay. - You can pay for that big fella? - I've got you. I have, I have extra coin. - Yes we can. - All right.
- I have extra coin. - So as you're about to pay for your mead and get your drinks, you hear a voice from all
the way across the bar, sitting in a corner booth
that's way too big for just them waiting for a bunch of
people, flagging you down. You see this creature of large stature, ripped as hell, bald head,
kind of light green skin, and beard that is a little
bit salt and pepper. A little bit older, a little bit braided, teeth coming up from the
bottom of their mouth. As you know, they are an
orc, and they're somebody that you've worked with many times before. They're the ones who give you the job in this mercenary troop. So, they flag you over and they're like, "Hey guys. Hey. Hey, come on down. Hey, I got seats for all
of us. Come on. Hey." - Oh, huge booth.
- Good to see ya. Yeah, well I was waiting for you, expecting more people... Alright, so you guys thirsty? What is the freest drink? Four waters, garcon, four waters, please. - [Fernier] Okay.
- [Delores] Oh... - Yeah. All right. I
gotta get y'all hydrated. Hey, so thank you so
much for meeting today. I really appreciate y'all,
you know, joining me again, for those of you that are, maybe, a little bit hard of
memory and intelligence, I'm Krungdar the Bloodsmyth.
(chuckles awkwardly) It's great to work with you again. So listen, big announcement. You may have noticed we're not at our company headquarters anymore. We're doing a little bit
of downsizing. Right? - Oh. - Okay. There's been some budget cuts. - [Delores] Oh.
- [Fernier] Okay? - Yeah. You know, it's
a, it's a hard time. We're doing our best to stay afloat, but like all good things, we gotta, I'm gotta make a little
pivot here and there. - Sure. Who doesn't? - See, this guy gets it. Yeah. There. - I get it too.
- Pivots. - I've always gotten it. I pivot all the time. - All right. I believe that all four of you get it. That's great. - I have pivots like elbows. - Oh, Fernie.
- You're gonna be a blast! - [Delores] Yeah.
(group laughs) - "That's great. Yeah. You know, the thing is, I know y'all are used to combat and probably really
enjoy that quite a bit, but as you can see, jobs
are a little scarce," and he points over to a job listing board, where you see like a bunch
of like hardened mercenaries just sort of waiting
there with arms crossed, a small, like, you know,
hired hand at the end, walks up very slowly and delicately with like a piece of paper. And the moment they tack it to the board, they just jump on there
(making fighting sounds). (screams in terror)
(Delores makes shocked sounds) - So he just like sinks underneath them. - Shit!
- Oh, he got trampled. - Yeah. He's gone see. And so we've been sourcing
you guys some new jobs. So really exciting. Y'all are more than qualified. We are no longer the Banner
of the Unkillable Spirit. We're a delivery service! - [Delivery Service/Former
Adventurers] Oh. - [Krungdar the Bloodsmyth]
Yeah, isn't it great? - Cool! - Okay. - So what are we delivering? - Yeah. - Oh, see, that's gonna
change all the time. We deliver whatever needs
delivering, you know, cause people need goods and products and all the roads are paved. They just, they don't have
time to go get 'em themselves. Right? So... - Is the pay about the same though? - Oh, the pay is great. If you get there quickly
and you do a good job, you can get tipped. We of course keep our cut. Me,
of course being management. - Of course. - But you know, I know you guys have only been on a few adventures with each other, you know, at this point. But when I look at you four specifically, I know in my heart that you're the ones, who didn't quit yet, so, you're right for this job.
(knocks on table nervously) - Will we know what we're delivering? Just get a little peek. - Of course. Yeah. I'll tell y'all about it.
Does that mean you're in? - Absolutely.
- Yeah. - Yeah. I'm in. - Yeah.
- Fantastic. - What if we're delivering
punches to people's faces? hat's kinda like what
we were already doing. - Honestly, I'm down. - [Fernier] Yeah. - Oh, only if they deserve it. - Sure.
- I don't know if this is a good time,
but I've heard about you. You're a legend.
- Thank you. - Bug's looking up. I have to look so up. All right, I've heard so
much about you too, Koda. - Yeah. Bug. You're the guy who got
beat up by that bug, right? - Bug, yeah. Yeah. - Is that how the name
happened? Is the how that name? That's not, no, that's it
was just a coincidence. Just a coincidence?
- [Bug] Yeah. - That's insane. - (laughing) My name's Bug, and... - That is kismet. - Yeah. Sure. You could say that. Anyway. Are you sure there's not a mistake? That this isn't a group meant to, you know, hunt down
and attack evil demons? - No, I'm absolutely positive. No. You're gonna be doing normal deliveries. - Oh. (breathes out heavily) Okay. So great. Everybody good with making
money in a difficult economy hanging on to your jobs?
- [Koda] Yeah. - As long as we're helping people. I mean, I think that's great. - "You will be helping
things, that's for sure. All right, so first delivery up, is gonna take you to the
Grendell marshes. That's right. If you head north along the
shoreline, and don't worry, we'll provide your wagon. It's okay. We've got this," and he pulls out something
about pancake size. "We got this stone icon for you. There is a group of people
living in the forest and they need this
stone tablet very badly. You gotta make sure it gets
there undamaged. Right? Unscuffed. And I think
if you make good time, you'll probably get a solid tip. You know, this is new for me too. Right. You know, so..." - Yeah.
- It seems pretty easy. - Take the rock to the
Grendell Galleria. Got it. Got it.
- I could probably... - The Grendell Galleria?
(group laughing) - [Bug] The Grendell... Take the rock to the Glendale Galleria. - Easy.
- [Koda] Yeah. - Just take the Rock. - I love the Glendale Gallery. They have great sales at Chico's. - And you're, and you're a woman. So we can put it in your purse. - Please. - Bug, Bug. Yes. My purse is enormous. It's actually half the size of me and I really carry it around my belt. And sometimes it rubs against
the ground, but I don't mind. (Angela laughing hysterically)
- Amazing. - So Krungdar hands you this stone tablet. It's a little heavier than it looks. but it's weighty. It's weighty. - (strained) I've got it.
- All right. - I've got it.
- Delores, are you sure? - (hisses) Yes. - All right. So we got a, we got a little guy named Gunthar outside, who's getting ready to take you there. Sorry, I sort of assumed you say yes. Hard times, right? So, unless anyone else
has any more questions, I can just let you on your way. - How's it going? - Pretty good. - Fernie. - Oh, okay. Sorry. I
thought it was, you know... - [Delores] That's very kind of you. - [Krungdar the Bloodsmyth]
It is pretty kind. - I feel like it's important
to ask that sometimes. - You've had two barrels of mead. - I have. - [Delores] Okay. - Oh, yeah. You've been sippin' on that while I've been talking, huh? - [Fernie] Yeah.
- Is that what you were doing? - I was actively picking up
this barrel and chugging it. - Yeah. - You absolutely have mead. - What do you mean sipping?
He's just pouring it down. - Yeah, I just go... (gulping noises) And I throw it.
- Falling out... - And I don't worry about where it goes. - You okay. So... - The ground below you is soaked. - Barkeep just looks up
and is just like, (hisses) and just like blocks it with one hand. Like, this is not his first day. Like, dealing with a
bar full of mercenaries, just keeps on cleaning his cup, just like palms it and puts it down. He's just like, oh,
that's Chester for you. - Yeah. I stand up from the
booth and I fix my hair again. - Phew, whoa! - [Delores] Gorgeous oh my god. - You guys ready?
- Yeah. Wow. - Do you guys mind if I take
shotgun? I get car sick. - Oh, definitely. I don't want throw up in the wagon. - I sometimes feel
weird sitting in a wagon because I am also made of wood. - Yeah.
- Oh yeah. I guess... - It kind of feels, I
don't know the word for it, but it feels weird. But
I'll do it. I'll do it. - Yeah. I don't think we get to choose what kind of car we go to. - That's fair. - You keep saying car.
I don't know what? Cart? - Cart.
- Cart. - It's cart. Yes. I'd love to drive with Gunthar. Just to make sure that
I have the GPS correct. - What do you... What? - The compass.
- Great. - [Chanse] There you go. - I just wanna go in the front
of the cart so I don't barf. Do you guys mind? Koda? - Don't mind at all.
- Thanks guys. - So y'all step outside of the bar and you see this pretty long sizable wagon that like, while not
perfectly comfortable, is big enough for a huge war forged. A couple of little guys
and a normal sized elf. And standing in front of it is this very stern looking centaur. - [Delores] Oh.
- This sort of, yeah, looking around.
- So attractive. - Yeah. He's he's got
long black rippling hair. oh my god. - A really deep voice.
- oh my god. - A little bit of stubble.
- oh my god. - Delores! Really? - Delores. - Clearly. Just this...
- I'm sorry. - Muscular rippling beast.
- oh my god. I just need a tub. And to light a bunch of candles right now. - Hey, my equestrian like friend. Are you, are you Gunthar? - Hey, flesh elf. Yeah, I'm Gunthar. - Yeah, we're looking
for Gunthar or for Koda. - For Koda.
(group laughs) - Koda. - For Koda. - I'm sorry. Are you Koda?
- [Koda] I'm Koda. - I'm gonna need you to
stop him from talking to me. So I'm Gunthar. Listen, I'm gonna be taking
you to the Grendell Marshes. All right. I don't want no funny business. Okay. My wagon, I wanna
keep this thing pristine. - Absolutely.
- Sure. - [Gunthar] All right. You got it? - Absolutely. - Can the little one sit in the front? - He wants to sit directly next to you. - [Koda] He wants to to sit on your hide.
- He gets sick. - [Gunthar] Yeah, if
you think you can fit. So Gunthar does this huge
whistle with his fingers. And around the band comes a horse, which he then attaches to
the front of the wagon. He then uses his hoofs to
climb in the very front and lay like side saddle
as he's about to drive. - What?
- Oh! - I am so confused right now. - How are we gonna fit with his hooves? - Gunthar, you took me
for a ride just now, bro. - [Delores] Literally. - I'm about to take you
for a ride in a minute. - And I thought a wooden...
- You wanted to (beeping) him. - I thought a wooden war forge sitting in a wooden cart was
gonna be weird. This is weird. (group laughing)
- I'm sorry. Can you just pump the brakes
for me for a minute there? Can you look me in the eyes
and explain why it's weird that I would be driving the carriage? - Well, because, the second
half of you is a horse, so you would, I thought you
were about to lead the... - Lock in. I'm gonna need you to get them both to shut the (beeping) up. - Hey, Fernie? Fernie? - Yeah. - [Koda] Let's just, let's
take a seat in the wagon. - Let's respect.
- What spot do you want? What spot do you want, Fernie? I'll take the back. - Perfect.
- Take the whole back. - Perfect.
- Yeah, the entire back. I'll lay flat on my back. - [DM] So, the horse at the front, the horse at the front is already like, clearly really strong. It's like this, this destrier, right? That can handle the weight of
a centaur sitting in a wagon. Yours definitely makes the
wagon tip back a little bit. - Whoa! Okay. - So, the horse kinda looks back and just like, (mutters in irritation). And y'all start getting going. Y'all are now embarking on
this journey on the wagon, and so far it's been a little uneventful. It's midday, so the
sun is high in the sky. You're looking around these planes and although you're not
able to visibly see it, you know that the ocean is still close. 'Cause you are on the west
coast of this continent. So there's a little bit of salt in the air and the sun is hitting your face. How are y'all feeling in this wagon? - Hey, hey, Gunthar.
(horse hooves clop) Just don't want my friends, my new coworkers to hear me back there. - You, they are like two,
they're two feet away. Just like sitting there, like... - Guys...
- We can hear you, Bug! - Bug's trying to have a private moment. - Bug, we can hear you. - [Delores] Fernie. - I believe in the first day of a job, you shouldn't show any weaknesses, but I'm nauseous as hell back here. Would you mind if I could get on your lap? (group chuckling) - So it's either you sitting on my lap or throwing up in my wagon. Go ahead and roll a D20 for me and see what your persuasion is at. - Can't believe this is the
first roll of the thing. - [DM] Yeah, right? - 14 plus four. 18. - 18. You know what?
- [Bug] Yeah? - I think I got a little
nook with your name on it. And he sort of like rubs his side to sort of just like ripple
one of his oblique muscles into this perfect little cradle for you. And just like, "here
you go, little fella". - And Bug just lands perfectly. - [DM] Right.
- I'm so jealous. - You're nestled on in there. All right, and we're continuing on. What are you three doing in the back? - I'm knitting a beautiful scarf because it might be
chilly to our destination. And I'm gonna make one for each of you. - And I'm, me and Fernie
are looking out the back, and I'm like, Fernie. What's that? - That is a bird. - Good. Good job. - Yes. (clapping) - Good, good. Fernie, what's that? - Oh, that's a rock. - Yes. Great. You're doing great. Okay. Now this is the hard one. Fernie. What's that? - Oh. oh my god.
- [Koda] Come on. Okay. You can do this.
- oh my god. Okay. I know this. I (beeping) know this. - It rhymes with girl. - Oh, oh, oh girl. That's a girl. It rhymes with girl. It's a squirrel. It's a squirrel. With the
bushy tail. The bushy tail. - That's totally fair. - Girl and squirrel. - [Fernie] That's totally fair. I was looking at Delores. - Do you like the color yellow? - Yeah. - Yay. I'm gonna make
a huge scarf for you. - Oh, sick. - You get cold?
- No. - Oh, okay.
(group laughing) - I'll take a scarf. - Okay, Koda, of course. - Great.
- Yours is gonna be metallic. - Meanwhile, up in the front, I am nuzzled into Gunthar and I'm like, first
impressions mean a lot. And I really wanna make a good impression on my new coworkers. - Yeah. I get that. I get that. - And, I don't want them to know. I mean, nausea is a sign of weakness. - [Gunthar] It's hard to find acceptance. I know, and people are so weird talking about things that bother them. - I know.
- It's just, it's the worst. - I know. - Bug we accept you. We all
hear you. Bug, we accept you. - All right. So as we're walking along, it's maybe a little bit mid-afternoon and we're making a good pace. And you start to hear
something from behind and to your right, pulls
up another carriage and there's another carriage
of four adventurers, all of whom you've seen before in town, in glistening armor and shining weapons, and jewels adorning their circlets. And one of them shouts over, he's like, "Hey, hey. Where are you guys headed? Yeah, we're on our way
to go slay a kraken. What kind of job did you guys get?" - None of your business.
- Yeah. - Wait, what's that? What's that bulging outta your bag. - Delores, hide the (beeping) knitting. - A stone icon. - Oh, okay. You guys are the
ones who picked up that quest. I was wondering and I knew it'd be you. I was like, who's gonna
get this? It's the nerds. - Yeah, we're... - We don't like bullies here. - Hey, we're not nerds
'cause I don't read. - Oh, Fernie. - This guy can't read. - Can't read.
(group laughing) I don't read. I probably could if I tried. - I'll teach you. - [Fernie] Okay.
- Oh wow. - "I love this little moment. I'm gonna watch an old
lady kiss a robot. Psych! We're about to go slay a dragon. Just kidding, it's a
kraken (beeping) you guys." And then they just high five and ride off. - An image of what you could have been. - Delores is fuming.
- Yeah. - You guys just, just ignore them. Honestly. They're not worth it. They're insecure. - He called me old. - Well, Delores... (chuckles) - What? - Age is just a number. - Thank you.
- You're welcome. - I don't even know how old I am. - I think you're a thousand years old. - Maybe. - Well, we'll have to count your rings. - (gasps) Oh, that'd be cool. - Yeah. One day. - Yeah.
- [Delores] You'll show me. - When I'm in a museum. - You know what that is?
- Yeah. - What is it? - What do you think a museum is? - That's a place where
they have like paintings. - [Koda] Oh!
- And stuff. And other things. - Crazy you didn't know
what a squirrel was. (group laughing) - I knew what a squirrel... I know what a squirrel is. I just didn't know where he was pointing. - Oh, it's your vision. - And I can't rhyme. - Okay. - I love that. I love that. - Sorry, I wanna, weigh
in, to be fair guys, squirrel and girl is a bit of a stretch. Squirrel's got the two syllables. - I was gonna say the same
thing, but Koda was trying. - Really? I say squirrel. Squirrel, squirrel. - And now say girl.
- Squirrel. Squirrel. Girl. Squirrel. - Okay, no, I see what you're getting at. - He's working on it. - See that's tough for me, 'cause a squirrel looks
nothing like a girl. But I guess there's some
squirrels that are girls, so it's tough. - So, do you think rhyming
means they look alike? - (whispers) What is that? I have no idea what's going on. - Let's, yeah.
(group laughing) - And I am scared. Suddenly. - It's getting to be a little bit later. The sun is not quite going down yet, but you can tell you've
got a couple more hours to get to your destination. But you've made fantastic time. You didn't let those jerks slow you down. There were no bumps in the
road, anything like that. And you kept your cool. So now you're making it there on time. The smell of seawater starts
to get a little bit stronger and you realize this isn't just a marsh, you're headed to a maritime forest where lush vegetation meets with ocean to make a very specifically
rich environment full of life. - Like a bog. - Like a, like a sure, like a bog. - Or a marsh. - Yeah. Well it's a maritime forest, that's like a marsh. - Like a marine layer. - [DM] Yeah, kind of.
Gunthar stops for a moment. And he's like, "Hey guys, I'm gonna need a couple of minutes here. I personally am fine walking
in this kind of environment, but wagon needs some specific wheels. Gimme about five minutes,
I'll pop those puppies off and we'll get this
thing going. All right?" - oh my god.
- Sure. - You, clearly... You clearly... - If you need help popping off anything. I will help.
- I love that. - I have needles in my bag and I can pop off a tire
like nobody's business. - Jesus, Delores. - [DM] Gunthar looks back and he's like, "yeah, I'm all set. Thank you." (Delores gasps) - Fernie would absolutely get distracted and start walking off into the forest. - Okay.
- I follow him. - Hey. Hey. Slow down there. - Sorry. I thought I, just seeing nature, I just, I get inspired and I just, I haven't been in a
maritime forest in so long. Oh, I don't even know what it is. - Marine layer. - Ah.
(group chuckling) - Oh my goodness. - Incredible.
- Same. - So you start to walk into the forest and the air gets a little bit, is everyone else following him too? - Yeah.
- Oh of course. - [DM] Okay.
- I wanna make sure Fernie doesn't fall off a cliff or anything. - I'm not paying attention. I'm writing. - Gunthar shouts after you, he's like, "yeah, I guess I'll catch up." Alright, so y'all start
to walk into the forest and the air starts to get a
little bit thicker and heavier. It's really humid. Even at night you're starting
to realize how warm it is here and the vegetation is lush.
(foreboding music playing) But thankfully you can tell that there's a very specific
dirt path to follow. And as you're walking
along, you start to notice, can everybody just give me a quick roll of the D20 for perception? (dice rattles) - Four plus two, six. - Nat 1. - Holy shit. - [Chanse] 11. - All right, great. - So that's a two. - What did you get? 11?
- 11. - Yeah. But Nat 1 is a critical fail. So usually that counts as a...
- Critical fail. - You're just (beeping). So, Delores. - Yes?
- Delores, you walking along as someone who is a warlock, and very in tuned with magic of all kind. You start to feel a
very familiar presence. You know that you're not alone here and you start to look around and you see a couple
of eyes staring at you and a couple of the trees are moving in a way counter to the wind. - That tree just went left. - What do you mean that tree?
- Did anyone see that? - I didn't see anything. - [Koda] What do you mean? (group laughing) - Fernie is face down in the mud. Just like bubbles coming up from. - [Delores] Fernie.
(Fernie gives muffled shriek) - Bug's trying so hard to help. Help Fernie up. Koda, help,
my fingers are two inches. - oh my god, Fernie,
what are you doing, Bud? - oh my god.
- I was swimming. - What? - [Delores] You have to be fully emerged. Oh God. We need to get you to read. - [Fernie] Says you. - So, in all this commotion, because Delores is now trying to help you, you don't notice that there
are several things around you. Please roll for initiative. - Oh shit.
- All of us? - Yep. - If I roll another one, I swear to God. (dice rattles)
- [Chanse] 11. - Oh good. I got a three. - Plus one. With the
initiative there. So 4. - 16.
- 14. - 11, 16, 14. All right. So let's see here. You got 14? Yeah. Delores's 16. You got 11. - Me, I got six. - [DM] You got six and you got... - Four.
- Four. - Thank God I'm here. - Alright, auto roll
initiative for these things. - I know. - First thing is up the tree, Delores, that you noticed stops moving
in the way that it does. And one specific branch just like sort of swings off of its lever and falls off and it runs right up to you and tries to scratch you. - What do you mean? The tree does? - It looks like a twig. - [Shayne] It looks like a twig. - It's very small but it runs up these... - It's a hand.
- Scurries across the ground and just scratches at you. - Hey! - So let's see if it hits here. That is a Nat 20. So it definitely hits. The damage is...
(dice rattles) Two plus more. So we're gonna say that's a four. It does four damage to you. - Okay. I don't understand
why people can be so mean. - (chuckles) You're just
saying that as this (growls). - It's a twig. - I don't understand why
people can be so mean. Ow. Not my braids. Don't undo my braids. - Next up, Delores, you, it is your turn. - I would like to take my dagger
and just start stabbing it. - [DM] All right. - I would like to cut it off at the wrist. Mother (beeping) no one
(beeping) with my hair. 15. - So it's a 15. A 15 does hit. Four plus two, so, six. That's six damage. That's fantastic.
- Ha! - So, you hit and you kill this thing. What does that look like to you? - So I take this dagger and I stab it clean right at the wrist. - So you hit that thing cleanly and it falls to the ground in little splinters and stays there. Fantastic. So that one
is dead already. Next... - Can I pick up one of the splinters? - You have a bonus action. So you could just pick
it up and keep it on you if you wanted to like that. Yeah. You have time to do that.
- Yeah. Uh-huh. - You just wanna hold onto the... - I wanna hold onto it.
Maybe research it later. - Okay. That's a great idea. So another one of these branches, seeing that this has happened, scurries down off the tree and avoids you because it knows you are trouble and it scurries up the
leg of Koda and attempts to make an attack with
its claws once again. That is a does a 16 hit?
- Yeah. - So it is going to do...
(dice rattles) - Bababa. It is going to do two damage
of you to you piercing. So its little twig hands, it just sort of goes eee into your arm, into your upper right shoulder. Thankfully Koda, it is
also your turn next. - I'm just gonna use Shocking Grasp on this little (beeping). - [DM] Amazing. Roll to hit. - [Delores] Good luck.
- [Koda] Thanks. - It's like watching your heroes work. - Eight plus five. - Plus five.
- 13. - 13. - 13 does hit.
- [Koda] Hell, yeah. - So, roll for damage. - Mm-hm.
(adventurous music playing) (dice rattling) Four. - Your Shocking Grasp
does kill this thing. Describe to us what Shocking
Grasp looks like to you. - Yeah. I just take my (beeping)
hands and I grab that twig and I'm like... (imitates
an electric shock) Clear! - It lets out this horrid little scream as it crumples to the ground, the two pairs of eyes from
behind the trees emerge and become a little bit
more visible in view. - Oh, and I say, for
my bonus action I say, "you look shocked to see me." - Oh, very good. - The the two pairs of eyes
turn to look at each other and look back to you. Does
anyone here speak Silvan? - I do. All right, so one of them turns and you can tell what they're saying. They point directly at
you and they're like. (growls) "You. You." - Me. You. - One of them rushes at you with an extreme fervor and anger. - Does he say this in Silvan
or does he say this in common? - He's saying it in common
in response to their Silvan. So y'all don't know Silvan, so you're hearing him
hear Silvan and go, huh? Actually do you know Silvan? You should. - I don't, I get to
choose one of my choosing, but I don't, I'm not choosing Silvan. - Okay. Okay, got it. - [Delores] Is Fernie's
head out of the puddle yet? - Yeah, Fernie has stood up. - [Delores] Oh, thank God.
- Fernie? What do you hear? - He's saying "you" to me. - So he's saying "you" to you? - Yes.
(laughing) - Do you think by the
way he's delivering it, he means something? - [Koda] Is it a good you, or is... - Definitely means to
say what he's saying. - No, not I think he means it. But what is the emotion behind it? - [Koda] Yeah, what's the emotion? - I know you're wood, but...
- He's pissed. - [Delores And Koda] Oh!
- Good context clues. - But maybe it's self-hatred. - No. (giggles) - Well that's good. Usually it is. - [Fernie] Yeah, it is made
of wood and I'm made of wood. Maybe he sees himself in me. - [DM] So while y'all are explaining this, this thing rushes up to you, when these eyes emerge, Fernie, you recognize these, since you were a dweller
of the forest, as dryads. They are these almost feminine forms that are leaf spirits and very much tied to the world of the
fae, which is fairydom. They see you and they
are absolutely pissed, and they speak in the language of fairies. So using the wrath of the forest, they reach into their own
arms and turn them into a club instead of a bunch of twigs and leaves. One of them rears back to hit you and it rolls a 20 is
probably gonna hit, right? (slaps wood)
- Yeah. - Okay. That is going to do a
fair amount of damage to you that is going to do, you
are absolutely in luck. It does five damage to you. - Okay.
- [Delores] Good job Fernie. - [DM] Amazing. - I'm just like, hi (slamming noise). (group laughing) - Next up that second Dryad emerges and starts yelling something as well. But your head is so addled right now. You can't really understand
what it's saying. It is casting a fae charm on you. - Holy shit. - So, you have to gimme
a wisdom saving throw. - Five. - Okay. So unfortunately that
does not succeed for you. So you start to feel yourself
feel a little bit better. And you recognize this Dryad
is not an enemy, but a friend. In fact, it's something you wanted here. And it's here to help you. - Yes.
(romantic music playing) - [DM] And you really want to make sure this thing is as safe as possible so you can communicate that
to your friends if you want. But this is how you are feeling. - Everyone. This is my best friend. - Fernie, my dude, that
thing just hit you. - What? I don't think so. - No, no. They're my best friend. - Don't befriend your bullies. - They're my best friend. - Fernie, look at how
they're looking at you. - You don't get to choose your friends. - Never trust a woman
that looks like that. - [Bug] You do. - You can choose your
family, but you can't... You can't choose your friends. - What? - See, you almost corrected
yourself, but then you... - (laughing) He's like, no. - [Delores] Oh, Fernie.
- No. (laughing) - [Delores] Oh God. - Basically you are now
charmed by this creature. Not in a full sense, you're
not entirely under its control, but to the best of your ability, you do need to take its requests. So it says to you in Silvan. (hisses) "I need your protection." - Okay, next up we have Bug. - Did any of them come at me? - None of them come at you. They've only been going for
him for whatever reason. But there are two Dryad
and that's all you can see. So you should be good. - Do you need protection? - She needs protection. - I'm not gonna protect
her. She's hitting you. You're on my team. - I don't know. She says
she needs protection. I don't know from who? - Fernie, can you ask? - Who do you need protection from? What do you need protection from? What kind of protection do you need? - (hissing) You killed two of us. You've killed more of us. - Holy shit. - [Delores] What did she say? - She says, I've killed a lot of them. - She undid my braids. - Yeah. To be fair,
they attacked us first. - Yeah, exactly. - [Fernie] That is true. That is true. - Always fight back. - So Bug, what are you doing? - Alright. Bug is like,
this is the time Bug. This is when you show everyone around you. - Bug! We gotta get to work here! - So I'm going to (beeping) attack this woman with my crossbro. - Okay. Do you wanna
attack the one that hit him or attack the one that
was whispering to him? - The one that was
whispering to my friend. - Okay. Great. So, go ahead and roll your crossbow to see if it hits roll a D20. - Yep. - Plus two, one Nat 1 plus two. (beeping) - Okay, so that is a Nat 1. So you lock in your
crossbow bolt and, um... - Come on. - It's a little bit, it's a
little bit off of the track. And when you fire the string,
just makes it like flip and like land at the tip of your shoe, not where your toe is
just like kind of pinning that shoe to the ground for a minute. So, you're kind of, you're
stuck a little bit there. - Oh, it gets me stuck to the ground. - Yeah. You're a little bit stuck. - (whispers) Bug. Bug. It's okay. Bug, you (beeping) this up. - [Delores] Bug, we can hear you honey. - Okay. Okay. This does this sometimes. I'm still getting used to it. - [Koda] No, it's nothing
to feel bad about. One in five goblins
have executional error. - Yeah, you're okay. - Hey Koda, it's a new crossbow. - Oh, I totally get that. - So, so don't worry. - Did you keep the receipt or...? - [Delores] Return it.
- Yeah. - Return it. Pack it up. They don't even care if
you've used it before. - Believe me, I return a lot. - While I'm trying to like, am I allowed to like rip
my foot off the roof? - Yeah. We can say as your bonus action, you're able to pull it out, but then that's your whole turn. - Okay. Stop looking at me guys. - Finally up is Fernie. Now Fernie, you are still able to act under your will, for the most part, but you have to follow
the order of protect her. So whatever that means
to you, you are charmed. You have to do that to
the best of your ability. She said to protect her. I'll protect you from your
friend who just hit me. She seems crazy. (group laughs)
- Nice. - You're gonna be a good boyfriend. - You gotta, we gotta stop your friend. - So what do you do in that moment before she can correct
you with your stupidity? - I just immediately, my arm,
my hand goes into my forearm and then a hand ax thing
pops out of the forearm. - [Koda] Hell yes. - And I'm just like, I'll protect you. And then just I go straight for her. - Nice. Are you doing
that as Primal Savagery or like a normal hand ax? - Hand ax, just normal hand ax attack. - [DM] You got it. - Your standard hand ax. - [DM] All right, go
ahead and roll your D20. - Please. For the love of
God, Fernie. 11 plus one. - [DM] Plus one that does hit. So go ahead and roll your damage. - So that's a D6, which is... - [DM] The normal dice
like that you'd used for... - Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Great. Okay. Yeah. All right. (dice rattles)
That's a four plus one. - Amazing. So this
thing takes five damage. - Sick, Fernie. - Good job Fernie. - Fantastic. And so now
you have your bonus action. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think I do the one swing, and then I like my other hand
also turns into a hand ax and I'm gonna go for a second swing. - Nice. So roll the hit. - Let's see, that's a seven. - So unfortunately that one
does like whiff entirely. (makes wooshing noise) Next up Delores, seeing
that this is a miss, you gotta step in and
fix this. It's your turn. - Well I'm getting very tired of these sassy women hurting my friends. So I have decided to start
cooking up an Eldritch Blast. - Love it. And are you gonna be attacking the one that hit him with the stick or the one that is like
still whispering ear? - I am tired of that woman whispering nasty little
things in your ear. - I have to protect her. - Oh, Fernie. She's toxic. - Oh, you're like one of those
guys that gets like a spell when women talk to him. - Yeah. - So go ahead and roll to see
if that Eldritch Blast hits. - Alright, come on baby. Protect my babies.
(dice rattles) Two. - Okay, so. - Plus five. - [Bug] (laughing) Oh. - No, that's a seven. - Do you guys think this is
why we're delivering stuff? (Angela laughing hysterically) - Do you guys think maybe
we're delivering things because none of us can hit anything? - Yeah. When my foot got
stapled to the ground, I remembered those
bullies in the other cart and I was like, maybe they were right. - Yeah. - I grabbed this fuzzy little ball. It's so cute. I didn't
really wanna give it up, but I go, "Hey honey, catch". And I toss it her way. - So she just is like staring at you, like while whispering at him
like, (whispered murmurings). And just like sort of like dead eyes you, as it just goes and just passed her head. - Oh. - So this the one that
used its arm as a club turns to you, Delores,
and Hulks on up to you, somehow gracefully, but
also with weight behind it, and also rears back to give you a smack. This is the first time
they've attacked any of you. Because they are frustrated.
They are frustrated here. - Come at me. - And it does how much damage? - [Bug] Oh no.
- Ow. - Let's see.
(dice rattles) - It does, oh no. Oh no. It does nine damage to you. - Jesus Christ. - It's 'cause I don't have my braids in, that bitch took out my braids. So this thing walks up to you
and out fully from the top, like smacks you where your
braids would've padded you. It just conks you right on the way. And you take nine damage bring you down to a total of eight health. - Whoa. - So Delores is not looking
so good right now, y'all, and you still got two dryads to deal with. So next up we have Koda. - I see that tree knock
the braid out of her hair and I'm like, oh, this is getting serious. And I draw my sword, Snake's
Talon (hushes). Beautiful. And I cast Blade Song,
which, for everyone, happening when I'm so good with a sword, that it's almost like
I'm singing and dancing when I start fighting when I... - Gorgeous. - So I'm like, ♪ Don't trust the creepy
wooden tree girl ♪ ♪ Don't trust the creepy
wooden tree girl ♪ And I go to attack it with my sword. - I look at Fernie, "it's crazy
to see your heroes at work." (group laughing) That's his Blade Song. - That's a nine plus five. - Nine plus five. So that is a 14. You do hit, which one are you attacking? The one that's attacking
Delores or the one that's... The one that's attacking Delores. - [DM] Okay, great. You so
go ahead and roll for damage. - One D six plus. - [DM] Be careful the clanking dice. - I already have it out. Four plus three. - This dryad that has been attacking y'all with the shillelagh arm. It is not looking so hot. Like some leaves are starting to fall off and you can see it take a little bit more of like a tree form and then
back to more of a spirit form. It seems to be on its last legs here, which is good news because
next up we have Bug. - Okay, he's on his last leg. That one, that woman. - [DM] That one. Yeah. - Okay, I'm gonna take her. - [DM] Okay. How you doing it? - I'm gonna take her and I'm gonna freaking
take my light hammer and knock on her like
it's fricking Judge Judy. - Amazing. Roll to hit. - Roll to hit! All right. 16 plus
three. (laughs mockingly) - Ooh, that definitely
hits roll for damage. - Okay. Hey that is what, a D4. Then how do I know which one it is? - That's a four.
- Oh yeah, four, duh. - Duh duh. That's a four plus. - Plus one. - Four plus one that's a five. So, okay, so you take your hammer and it hits a right smack into the middle of the core of this thing. And from the middle starts
to burn up and just, (hissing) and you see these little wisps return to the trees and the
forest. That dryad is down. The last one that's left
looking at good health, is the one that's whispering to Fernie. And it is unfortunately its turn. - I whisper at Koda,
"did you see what I did?" - I did.
- I saw it. - Yeah, I know you did, but
I'm just making sure Koda did. - Oh, I actually wanted that
one so we can talk later. - What?
- I wanted that one. - What do you mean you wanted that one? - Well I keep track of my kills. - You took it from him. - [DM] So the... - [Koda] We'll talk about it later. - [DM] So this Dryad that's
been whispering to Fernie gives him a little like
rub on the shoulder and shows that like
everything is fine, you know, it just whispers "I'll be back" and it goes over to you, Bug and it. - [Bug] Fernie or goes up to me. - It goes up to you Bug,
'cause it just watched you kill its friend or whatever it was. And it tries, it doesn't
even take the time to turn its arm into that strong stump. It just rakes at you
with these claws here. So tell me, does a 10 hit you? - No. Yeah. No.
- it does not. Okay. So it misses with that. And it's just sitting there in rage, and just in time, Fernie, it is your turn. Now you're able to roll that D20 again to see if you can break out of its spell. - Okay. So Fernie's there,
spirals in his eyes, but he also, he tries
to kind of shake it off. He rolls a 15. - Ooh. Plus, that's a wisdom. - Plus five. - So you snap out of it and realize that this thing is going for your friends. And no, this isn't, this isn't your buddy. This is something you actually, you used to kill all the time. - Oh God. - It doesn't need protection from you. You need protection from it. So now you are back to
normal for your turn. What would you like to do? - I suddenly come to, I
see my friends in trouble and I see this fae and
it triggers something deeply innate in this thing. And my eyes like go dark and then red and then I'm gonna use Primal Savagery. It's almost like the combat form of this. It's like (makes growing noises),
and then thorns and stuff start to grow out of like
his hands and everything. Like everything sharpens
and gets more intense and he just loses it. And it's more of like, more
robotic sounds coming out of him as he just starts to
like spin like his waist. Like he's just spinning
in like a helicopter. Running forward at this. - [DM] So roll to hit. - Okay. - I look at Koda, it's crazy
to see your heroes at work. - 11 plus five. - 11 plus five. So that's a 16. So that definitely hits. So you are whirling into this thing and as it's like looking at Bug, it just looks up and just
takes this hit to the face roll for damage. - All right, so that's
one D10 acid, seven. - All right, great. So you do
seven damage to this thing, which is a hefty hit. And even though it is,
it's self-made of plants, the thorns that you have, something clearly seeps inside of it that just starts to burn at the skin. And it's having a real
hard time with this. You guys are watching in
awe as Fernie just went from being completely useless to being this huge force in battle and it really gets you revved up. - I have never seen his body just turn. - Holy shit! - So his core just
completely switched around. - I wanna be honest, I've
heard a lot about you, and I was so worried when
you walked into the tavern, and you just said "alcohol", that you were a dumbass, but you're not. You're my hero. You're strong. - He's, he's still in war
mode, just like (muttering). (group laughing) (more incoherent muttering) - Bug, you're really playing it cool. - Yeah. - So Delores seeing all this, seeing how Fernie was able
to whip himself into shape even though you've taken
a few hits on the head, it is your turn and it's time for action. What are you gonna do? - I'm going to use another Eldritch Blast. - Incredible Roll to hit. - Because these women are
just driving me insane. - We'll unpack that later. - You're saying women?
- We will unpack that later. - I cook up another one, a fuzzy, cute little ball with a smiley face on it and I start to throw it. - That is an 18 plus... - Plus five. - That (beeping) nails
it right in the face. Give me a damage roll here. - Nine plus three. - All right. So this fuzzy ball lands extremely delicately on the Dryad. Dryad looks down for a moment. - Delores. - And then there's just
colossal blast of Eldritch power shoots its chest through its back. And again the wisps start to disintegrate and return to the trees. - And you have survived this encounter. Not only that, you did
it with flying colors, four things in the forest
attacked you, and you survived. - Can't break the power of love. - That's right. - So right after this, Gunthar starts trotting up with the horse and with the revamped
carriage here situation. And he's like, "Hey, I saw that old thing. I just kind of wanted to
see what y'all could do." - Yeah, so it's the crossbow. It isn't me. - Hey, little buddy. - The crossbow is new. - Listen, I know you're trying to prove
yourself to them today. - I don't know what that even means. - You don't to prove yourself to me. Listen, you don't have
to prove yourself to me. We had a good talk up there, all right? - Yeah, yeah. - You're safe. This is a safe space. - Don't look at me right
now. My braids are out. - No, your braids are out. It's your hair is, there's
a little bit in your face. Let me just move that for you real quick. We gotta get this bandaged up for you. Don't worry, I've gotta,
here, drink. Drink this. - I haven't finished in a long time. - Jesus Christ. - Holy shit. You just
eldritch blasted someone and you're (beeping) cause
he touched your head. - We haven't finished,
we're not there yet, guys. - He's right, he's right.
You're not there yet, here. - [Delores] You're right Fernie. - Drink this health potion. I got a couple more in
back there. You know what? Drink that whole potion. You took a little damage too, huh big guy. - I did. - Why don't you drink a health potion? - Oh, thank you. - Oh wow. Both of y'all
have restore of four health. - Nice.
- Thank you so much. - Y'all hop into Gunthar's carriage to continue the last leg of the trip here and although that battle
did take you a minute and the sun has set,
it's not quite that late. We're talking 9:00 PM so
you're still right on time. The delivery has to be made by morning. So you're feeling pretty
good about things. (Delores sighs happily)
- Fernie, dude, what was she saying to you back there? - Oh, she was saying you. - (laughing) You.
- [Delores] Funny. Honey, you have to be really
careful of women like that. - You can't just talk to
crazy wooden tree girls. - They'll take all your money. - She didn't try to, she didn't try to take
any of my money though. She just asked me to protect her. - Oh.
- Oh - Yeah. - From Gunthar's lap I go, "well it felt like she
knew you from somewhere." - Yeah.
- Yeah. - Did y'all date? - No. - Oh, good, good, good. - No, I never dated her. - So how... Okay. - Have you dated anybody Fernie? - I don't think so. - Okay.
- Virgin. - Virgin. Good. - Sounds like a virgin. - Keep it that way. - Yeah. - So that was pretty awesome. - Yeah, you threw that soft
little softball at her. - [Koda] What is that? - Blew her chest through her back. - Well it's a specialty that I have. - That was really scary.
(group laughing) - Yeah, I blew a hole
through her whole body. - Yeah, it was awful. She looked like she was in severe pain and seeing hell as she was leaving. - Oh, poor girl. - I could hear some otherworldly
screams coming from... - It looked like an
anti-smoking commercial. (group and crew laughing) - Stop watching so much TV, Bug. Bug, your crossbow. - Yeah... - That really was embarrassing. - [Delores] Yeah, that was a little rough for all of us actually. It's okay sweetie. - But it was kind of cool that you managed to hit your own shoe and
nail it into the ground. - Yeah. - If that's what you were trying to do, then that's awesome. - Yeah, that's what I was trying to do. The shoe was bothering me. - Badass.
- Yeah. - I had that one though. - Yeah.
- Just for the record. - Yeah. Yeah. I wanna apologize if
there's any like note, like anything you think
that I can do better at? - Yeah, maybe shoot the
target the first time. - Okay, Koda, Bug's really trying. Like he's been trying. - Okay. Please don't be my mom right now. - You know. - I don't know what else to be. (group laughing) - That felt like Amanda being
like, well that's my thing. - oh my god, that's what's
written down. Right here. - That's my character, gabe. - That's my character gabe, honey. - Dog. That was the primal
savagery right there. - Yeah. - Alright, so Gunthar turns to you Bug, and he is just like, "Hey, can I make a recommendation? Take 'sorry' outta your vocabulary. Replace it with thank you. Thank you for bearing with me while I work through some
things, stuff like that." - Gunthar, dude, that was great advice. - That is so hot and kind. - Thank you.
- You're welcome. - As the night gets a little bit later, but not too late, start
seeing in the distance, some tall wooden stakes. And as the mist clears
in this maritime forest and you start to smell even more salt, like you're even closer to the ocean, you realize this is an entire encampment. Wooden walls as far as the eye can see. But you can tell they bend
in a little bit circularly. So this is definitely your destination. Gunthar points out, "now we're here, the settlement in the Grendell Marshes. This is Grendell, this
is where I leave y'all. (tense music playing) Y'all gotta make your delivery in there and I'll be waiting when you're done. - I thought you were
gonna spend the night. - I gotta watch the carriage. - Thank you Gunthar, I
really appreciate it. - "Hey Bug. You know I got you." All right, just lifts up
one hoof and then one hand to also hit like the other hand. "Good luck in there y'all. And hey, if I got any advice for you, just keep be polite
around these guys. Okay?" - Oh. Okay. - I'll write you. - All right you. All right you. - Oh no, you're dumb. - After, after Gunthar walks
away, I turn to everyone. I go, "you know, he was a
really weird looking horse." (group laughing) - Gunthar is like only
a few feet from you. Just like turns back around
is like, and just says like, "Hey, he brought us the whole way here." (laughter intensifies) - All right. So he just
like sort of sidles off to the side of the road near the trees and starts like putting together a tent to like care for the horse
and care for the carriage and just keep watch of things. - I'll lead the way. - Oh, good. Bug and I are... Fernie and Koda can see right over us. But we are going to both lead the way. - I love that marching order. - Well I feel like we
should probably knock like three times is normally... - And there's no guards
or anything out front. - Gimme a roll. That's perception. - That's a 16. So, Fernie
as he is walking up, kind of some weird gadgets and
gizmos come out of his head to observe and analyze
the front gate area. - So you can see at the
very top of the gates, there's clearly a
platform on the other side and there's two little guys looking over. You can't quite make out
their shape quite yet, but like they're aware that you're here and they look really
excited and really ready. They look really ready
for you to start knocking or saying something. - Hello. Hi guys. We are here to deliver.... - Immediately before you
even finish your sentence. One of them jumps down from
this 15 foot tall gate, lands directly in front of you with this flourish and bows deeply. And says, "Welcome everyone. Welcome." My name is Rum Pum, the
Greeter of the Gates. And who are all of you? - The Greater of the Gates? - The Greeter of the gates.
It is my official title. I'm the one who greets
those who visit our gates. - Oh good. Social skills. - The greeter of the gates.
You have to understand that sounds like you're greeting gates. - "I am greeting you.
And I am at the gates. I will work on it though. (laughing)" He bows even more deeply. - [Delores] Oh my goodness. - So you see in front of you,
he is about three feet tall. He is like a frog. This is
very much a little frog person, hence the jumping abilities
and all that good stuff. He's dressed in what you
can tell, used to be rags, but have been cobbled into some finery, maybe with some like found pieces of metal and maybe with some like bones
and things from the forest. But you can tell he's
very, dressed very proper to make a right entrance. - I love when someone
dresses up for guests. I'm Delores.
- Hi Delores. I'm charmed. I'm sure. (Delores laughing) - That's a crazy name. - No, my name is Rum Pum,
the greeter of the gates. - Oh, right. - It's my title.
- Charmed. - And then you hear a
voice coming from above, being like, I am Crawley,
the opener of the gates. Is it time for me to open the gates? - It is. - I need confirmation for Rum Pum. - [Koda] Rum Pum?
- It's time! Okay! Sorry for doubting you. - It's okay. - And with the hear the sound
of a crank, a large crank, the gates slowly start to open. (wood creaks and groans) - And what were clearly
just cobbled together and tied pieces of logs and
wood making these gates alive. (eerie music playing) The beautiful insides, stone pathways clearly made by very expert masons lead to a beautiful city
center with a fountain. And it's bustling with life. There are lights everywhere,
frog people everywhere. There's children, laughing
and playing in the streets. Performers dancing with little sparklers and even a juggler there. There are people handing out foods that aren't quite familiar
to you, but the children, most of all seem excited to get these, as though they're treats of some kind. - Oh, I grab one. - You grab one. Fantastic. They're like, "oh, hello. I'm Gimme, I'm Gimme
the maker of the treats. Well, Gimme, can you gimme some treats? - Koda.
- Sorry. - That is the first.
That is the first time. - No, that can't be. - That. No, I'm serious. - That just can't be. - "I am Gimme baker of the treats, and that is the first time." So, Rum Pum begins to lead y'all into what is clearly this well-built town hidden in the middle of the forest, all occupied by frog people. Rum Pum says, "come, although
I am greeter of the gates, I can be off duty for a
moment to bring you inside." And then someone pops up
from the bottom there, said, "I'm Chemo bringer
of the visitors inside". Like, "I've got this, I've
got this, I've got this." And Rum Pum takes your
hand, Delores, and says, "come let us, let us waltz inside." - So cute.
- Thank you. - [Delores] So little. - I'm glad I can see a woman who recognizes her self. Cute and little. I'm so glad your visitors
have arrived in time, for you see, tonight is the festival. We weren't expecting you till morning, but now you get to take
part in the celebrations. Isn't this wonderful?
Aren't the lights fantastic? Welcome to Grendell. - You need a little lotion on,
your hands are a bit rough. - Oh, I'm so embarrassed.
- Oh, no, no, no. - He whistles real quick. And then a little guy pops up and he's like, I'm Tummo,
the bringer of the lotion. - The lotioner, yeah. - I could... - No, we could have guessed. You guys are really delegated
with all your jobs here. - Yeah.
- We are big on our titles. Do you need some lotion? - No, that frog. - Then I am outie.
- Oh, okay. - He's just like (squirting
noise) at Rum Pum. He's like this. (group laughing) So as y'all are having this interaction, you see all the frogs
start to turn one by one. Almost like a wave. They are turning. They're turning, they're turning. And this shadowed presence starts to walk and make its way towards you. And as it walks into the torchlight, you see that this is another frog person, but much larger and must
much more regally dressed. - I bow. - All the frogs bow even more deeply. The second coat of bows I bow. - Oh.
- Fantastic. All the frogs...
- Fernie? - Fernie just kind of like
at like at a 90 degree angle, just like turn. - Thank you for your deep bows. Clearly you have studied our customs. My name is Garland, it is a name. Shaman of our civilization, keeper of our culture, reader of tomes. And you, are early.
(dramatic music playing) - It's my crossbow. - And that is where we'll
end the first episode. (group applauds and cheers) - Thank you guys so much for watching the first episode of Sword AF. We are so excited to play out the entirety of this campaign for you. So please come on back and see what these
amazing heroes get up to. If they earn that title. - Oh, oh. - Shit.
- We will.
