Meet Dr. Phil | The Best of The Oprah Show | Full Episode | OWN

[Music] welcome to the best of the Oprah show y'all everybody hi in 1998 I went through the uh Infamous beef trial it was Infamous for me that was down in Texas and the man who got me through that time was uh not my attorney who was Chip Babcock you need an attorney but it was Dr Phil McGrath because he was the strategist for the entire trial so he was on my legal team and you know I'd never heard of him until I got put in a room with him and his No Nonsense style was just what I needed to keep me from really at the time falling apart because I'm telling you there is no greater stress than a trial even when you know you're innocent and after the trial was over I invited Phil to come on the Oprah show to share a little of his kind of No Frills way of talking straight from the hip advice because he and I would drop dive in to the trial every morning together and he'd be saying those theisms that we now have come to know as phisms and you know things like well the rubber's getting ready to hit the road gal and they're going to hand you your ass on a platter so I said why don't you come and share some of those bits of wisdom that you've been sharing with me in the car with our audience and from his first appearance on the Oprah show Phil was um I'd say he was quite uh well received not exactly a huge hit because we were accustomed to on the show people being polite and saying polite things as experts often were very polite and he was in your face and after he finished the show after he finished that show we got a lot of emails from people saying who is that guy who's that guy and I said Phil keep telling them like it is then four years later there we were with Dr Phil he came on just about every week to help our viewers learn strategies to live live the life that they really wanted telling it like it is every time we're talking today about how you can begin wherever you are in your life to lead a better life for yourself uh my next guest is here to help lead you in the right direction I've chosen him because he is the person who helped me the most getting through my trial in Texas on a daily basis without Dr Phil McGraw I don't know how I could have gotten through it he is a trial strategist who is also uh one of the best psychologists I've ever run into and I've talked to many many many psychologists over the years during the show and I said to Phil at one point during the trial if I ever needed therapy he would be the one I go to and he said I W take clients so uh anyway when I was first being sued by the Cattleman I didn't believe it was happening and all through the trial even until the moment I arrived in Texas I still couldn't believe it was happening and even when we're picking the jury I still couldn't believe it was happening and even after the first day I still couldn't believe it was happening and Phil said to me snap out of it it is happening and you need to learn to deal with it and so that's what we began to strategize create a strategy for um for the trial what I learned during the trial is is that the trial that I was going through the courtroom particularly and I know you do courtroom Sciences is is a metaphor for all trials in life because all trials in life serve to cause you to question who am I really what does this mean why is this happening to me and how can I overcome it and that was what was a big epipal moment for me in the trial and what I realized is that everybody needs a strategy that's why you're here people need a strategy he the best I've ever seen for developing strategies for Life Phil has prepared a few questions that we want you to ask yourselves and don't take them lightly because the number one question is what do I want and why is that number one well it's number one because you can't go if you don't don't know where you're going and my question to you when you when I say what do you want I've said a million times you got to name it before you can claim it if you don't know what it is you want and I mean specifically then you won't even know when you have it and and and you've got to be specific in what you want and that's something most people just simply don't know how to articulate okay question number two what are the barriers to having what I want yeah the fact of the matter is we're talking today about making choices you're already making choices I mean you you you are where you are today because you've made choices and and so the question that I put to you second is that's so hard for most people to get though well but it's true yeah I know oh I know it's true but it's hard isn't that hard to accept that wherever you are whatever is going right or wrong you're the one who is responsible for it yeah and and that and and sometimes that's real hard for people to believe because it's so much easier to be especially in a trial yeah yeah yeah yeah Oprah kept saying this just isn't fair this isn't fair it may not be fair but it is it is okay and and but I mean you got to decide what is it that you think is keeping you from getting where you want to be I mean you have to decide what's keeping me from getting where I want to be I mean what what are the obstacles what are the barriers and then you got to take them down a brick at a time you got to take them down now I think question number three that you have what must I do to get it first of all is so key cuz people want it but if you're not willing to do what it takes to get it that means you don't really want it yeah most people misunderstand the importance of commitment and willpower people say all right I'm really committed I really have a lot of willpower for this but willpower is fickle and I'm not telling you it's easy there's no Free Ride uh I've I've said before the difference between winners and losers is Winners do things losers don't want to do winners do things that losers don't want to do they discipline themselves they require more of themselves than losers do because it's it's just easier not to and uh so when you decide what have I got to do to get it you got to be very specific and it's got to be programmed so it's not a matter of willpower okay let's talk about the the question of I mean there are I would imagine millions of women in particular watching right now who some have written me some are not who think that the resolution to their happiness is going to be finding a man or finding something isn't that true well it's exactly true if and and I'm not saying that there isn't um an awful lot of reward to a relationship and certainly there is but the fact of the matter is when you give your power away to somebody else to determine how you feel about you when you decide that somebody else who rejects you has determined your level of value and worth then you you are now a passenger and that's a bad place to be you got to take your power back and you got to say I decide who I am I decide how I feel about me whether you love me or whether you don't and if your husband leaves you if your wife leaves you you may not be able to control them but you can sure control how you react to it and that's what you got to do well nobody can turn a phrase quite like Dr Phil and over the years he came up with some doozies honey but one of my favorite lessons from him is this one I remember little hairs on my head and on my arms little hair I barely have any but even the ones I barely have they stood up when he taught this lesson you teach people how to treat you aha aha aha bing bing bing the first time he said that he had a moment with a guest who said her husband had just up and left her while while she was at work just left no note nothing and she was still pining for that man two years later but Dr Phil had a few key questions for her that helped her change the way she thought about things this was a great thing about Phil we would not just be voyur in the lives of the audience or in the guests but what he was able to do was let us see ourselves so whether that person got the lesson or not we all did Chris was married to the same man for 25 years and then one day she woke up no note no explanation no goodbye he's moved on but she still feels like her heart and soul were torn from her body and she wants to move on and be happy but doesn't know how is that is that about sum it up correct yeah okay I read too in your letter where you said you'd take him back if he came back tomorrow yes so what do you want to say to Christine the question I I've got for you is what do you want I mean we've talked about that a little bit but if we're talking about where you want to be in 2000 answer the question what do you want I think I want to be more spiritual to be able to trust in myself again you know to to be able to rely on myself so what's keeping you from doing that I guess I I've got to um accept accept what accept the divorce and move on with my life now don't tell me what I want to hear tell me the truth what is keep what is keeping you from feeling better about it I mean doesn't it hurt that you're there every night without him yes so tell us about the loneliness in your life I I have two children so they and I have a a grandson that I can spend my time with MH if your husband and I I don't know him and I assume that you're a reliable historian but but if he did what you're describing then would you suggest that he didn't treat you with much dignity and respect I guess so I I've never looked at it that way until I've been on the show you guess so okay now let me ask you something do you think you teach people how to treat you I don't know she's answering a question not y'all well I that's a great question Phil fabulous question I'm just asking you just real simply because obviously did you hear the question yes I did do you think you that you you what is the question do you think that you do you think that you taught him how to treat you do you think that you taught him that he could disrespect you in this way no well do you how do you think he decided to do that ooh I don't I I don't know well if you did know what would it be if you did know why he was treating you that way what would the reason be probably because I let him get away with it Bingo you let him get away with it Bingo good girl that's let me ask you something I wonder what would happen in his relationship with you if all of a sudden instead of saying I just really want you to come back I'm really hurting that you're gone if all of a sudden you said no wait a minute I don't deserve this I'm going to treat myself with dignity and respect and Buddy if you want in my life that's the price of poker now and and and he may and he may say I don't want to play if that's the price and if that's the deal you're better off to know that right now than you are a year from now or two years from right and and all I'm asking you is can you make part of the goal to be whole again and have self-respect and dignity with him or without [Applause] him well from the very first show I started calling him tell it like it is Phil and I don't do that for nothing because in one of his early appearances on the show we introduced him to a stripper who said that his message had inspired her to change her life and as you're going to see Dr Phil did not waste any time getting down to business this was fun actually Kimberly hail says that she had dreams of being a Broadway singer and dancer but her dreams got lost somewhere along the way read your letter okay dear Oprah thank you for your ongoing commit commment to the upliftment of the human heart for 6 years I've been working as a nude exotic dancer and prostitute performing sexual acts for money in the back room of back rooms of strip clubs selling my dignity for cash and feeling shameful every minute of the day after watching your show I asked myself is this how you want to feel in the year 2000 inside I Heard a Voice scream no I've tried to put into practice the different tips for a better life each show was like a golden brick being laid on the path to my heart after the show I made the decision to quit my job but I'm still in so much pain I want to understand why I've punished myself for so long I've searched for love in everything from food to money and nothing has worked I want my childhood dreams back I've hit rock bottom I want to heal my life so I can help Inspire others to live the life of their dreams on the oah show there was a strategist who helped a young girl face her fears do you think he could help me I really want to live that is some letter Kimberly you got through [Music] it well you you you mentioned um in your letter uh there was a strategist who helped a young girl face her fears that strategist uh is Dr Phil McGrath and Phil how are you hun I'm doing well doing well Phil is back here meet Kimberly Kimberly good to meet you yeah yeah put up a chair for Phil here um he's one of the best uh psychologists I've ever run into behavioral experts and he is a life strategist he's also very direct people uh I actually call him tell it like it is Phil uh so the truth may hurt sometimes and I've been in a position where he hurt my feelings and I just kind of pulled him back in when he steps on my feet I say ouch oo uh but the truth may hurt sometimes but uh it will also say set you free so that's what he's here to do today as kindly as possible Phil you can have it one way or the other there is it in between that's right okay you want to say to Phil I really want to know and have a greater understanding of why I've spent my whole life sabotaging everything that I've had so many opportunities and feeling undeserving and I've contemplated it and for me I I don't know what that is well I guess my question is um when you say you want to change I mean do you really I do want to change and I can say that I took the job away but the feelings are still there let me tell you something I'm just going to be real honest with you okay uh because if we're talking about changing people's lives and you know we can come on this show and we can be entertaining and we can tell people what they want to hear but if the true measure is changed lives then I have a responsibility to tell you what it really takes and I'm telling you what it really takes number one is to be honest I mean really no kidding honest and when I say honest I mean that you you've got to acknowledge where you've been you have to acknowledge why you've been there and my question to you you've been spending all of this time stripping doing sex acts for money in the back of strip clubs and that sort of you say I want to change well first what were you getting out of that what was your payoff that you're willing to leave behind to go to something else what was my payoff from it we only do what works we only do things that work and that means you get a payoff for what you're doing if you weren't getting a payoff from it you would not do it what was your payoff money it's more than that I felt powerful for a moment in some ways well are you willing to give that up I have to no you don't have to you can keep doing exactly otherwise I don't my life has no meaning in that way mhm and I would rather be dead than continue living that way when you were growing up you had dreams yeah was your dream to be a stripp her no was your dream to be a prostitute no so when did they take your dream away I when I was a kid I I just being told I wasn't what I thought I was you want it back and it means you got to be willing to get real do you think your letter was real parts of it cuz I have to tell you when I read your letter I absolutely was moved by your courage I was moved by your strength I was moved by your courage but I have to tell you I I walked away from that saying you are hiding in that letter so much I I read what you said upliftment of the human heart laying bricks of gold on the pathway to my heart do you really think like that do I I hope for that okay let me stop you cuz I told you this was going to be hard right no I and and let me tell you something if if you were on a motorcycle and you were getting ready to jump over this whole building here and I knew you had to be going 90 M an hour to make it and you were coming up the ramp at 60 you think I ought to tell you yeah were you you're doing about 40 you're doing about 40 because you're not being honest with yourself and I don't want you to fall back where you were we have to have a plan and we have to be willing to be honest and I mean brutally honest and girl when I read this and you say I want to be able to inspire the world to do all that they can do girl we just need you to go to work and keep your clothes on to start with okay let's get you to work every day with some dignity and with your clothes on before you're curing and healing the world that's grandiose and you will never make it happen if you don't start with you first do you believe what I'm telling you [Music] yeah we're talking to Kimberly who says she wants to change her life she wrote me this um very moving letter saying I want to heal my life so I can help Inspire others to live the life of their dreams she was you know exotic dancing stripping prostituting the whole thing uh what we're talking about is making a change for the better wherever you are in your life um uh you don't have to be at Rock Bottom to to make a better life for you but in order to do that Phil we you and I talked about this before you got to get real with yourself well I that's what I'm saying and I you probably believe that I'm being very harsh with you but my my point is you have come so far I don't want you to set yourself up for failure and you can set these law goals and ignore the fact that if this world is going to change it's going to change one mind one heart one Spirit at a time tell us about shame in your life letting people letting people touch me letting people abuse me every night after night after night and S sitting there and saying I'm not here I'm not here I'm not here what would you say if I told you that your shame is just a really convenient way to avoid being everything you can and will be that you use your shame as an excuse that you hide behind it I'm not quite well isn't it pretty convenient if you're ashamed of yourself every day then how can you be expected to be all that God planned for you to be right how I mean God didn't make any junk you're the one that's put that label on it right yeah I can tell you what you want to hear or I can tell you what you need to hear and I'm telling you number one you are really down on you I mean the whole time you've been sitting here you've been looking at the floor you don't look me in the eye you don't look Oprah in the eye you don't look these people in the eye and I'm telling you until you say it's over and I start right now with me then you're going to stay right where you are shame is a real convenient way to avoid life I can't get engaged with people I can't contribute I can't do the things I want to do because I'm so ashamed yeah it's p it's there isn't a person in this room I don't believe who has not done something in their life you know didn't have to be prostitution but hasn't done something in their life that they were ashamed of but we move move forward life is about learning from your mistakes learning from the past and moving forward so do you agree with Phil that you have been hiding behind the shame I've been hiding behind my shame and I've been using that as an excuse to not live a life of that I could be proud of okay so what we're interested is in concrete results and change so what commitment are you willing to make to all of us here and to yourself most importantly so that the next time we visit with you we can say from this day to this day you have done right well first of all to say that I forgive myself for my past you know it's hard cuz I can say and say that but it doesn't necessarily mean that I feel it you know cuz I don't want to I don't words are you know like you said with the letter words are words action is something else and I know I have to get a job is number one and to say that I'm willing to move forward from today the forgiveness I can't say that I I don't know how to let that go and to say that then that must become your goal that must become your goal until you find the strength until you find the commitment till you find the willingness to be able to say I forgive myself because I'm not going to stay in this prison anymore and and that's my whole point you aren't willing to give up the payoffs if you give up the shame if you claim the Forgiveness then you got to walk with your head up and be accountable for the rest of your life and that is the beginning and you don't want it I do want it though I want it's like that I didn't deserve to have and you still don't don't think you deserve you don't think you deserve to be forgiven I don't know how you can I mean that's just the truth I mean you know I can tell you what you want to hear or I can tell you the truth if you don't want it then you won't claim it and if you don't claim it you won't have it you're telling us right now that you don't think you deserve to be forgiven because you can't forgive yourself we can forgive you can't we audience we can forgive you but us forgiving you my forgiving you cuz listen you're a human being just trying trying trying to find your way you are still God's child Spirit come from the greater spirit I know that so I know that whatever you did is just something that you did you are not that thing you are not prostitution you are not anger you are not meanness you are not confusion you are Spirit compr greater spirit with great potential and so that's easy to forgive you don't know that yet though and that is the first step isn't it it's got to be the go because you can't move forward until you can let that go it's got say that was the past you know Maya always says to me you did then what you knew how to do and when you knew better you did better that's what every human being does Dr Phil has been the spark that ignited so many light bulb moments on the over show I remember back in 1998 when we introduced Phil to a viewer named Joanne Compton wow now you know you're just going through your Daily Show and you don't know when a guest comes on that that's going to be a moment that lives with you forever well Joan com was grieving for her murdered daughter laurianne Joanne's goal was to tell her daughter's story to the world and then go home and kill herself that she'd been grieving now for 10 years had left the room the same hadn't been able to go into the room was still stuck in the day that her daughter was murdered so with Phil's help Joanne did so much more than move forward that day she had watch this watch it when it happen you'll see she had a true aha light bulb moment the kind that I just live for on TV not only did she have it she actually said the words that I so long to hear on television when somebody sees something and never thought of it that way before watch 10 years ago lorri Anne Powell was having the time of her life she was 18 vibrant and popular she loved her rock and roll music and the glamour of in local beauty pageant then a mother's unspeakable nightmare happened lri disappeared on a lonely Country Road and Joanne Compton's torment began police found her body in a nearby River she'd been stabbed to death investigations LED nowhere and Lor's murder remains unsolved when they found Lori in she didn't have anything on her just a little stud earring no clothes no pocketbook no jacket just that one little earring in the 10 years since Lori disappeared daily life has stood still for Joanne I will never be able to come to termed with us to me Lori died today just as easy as she died 10 years ago time has not healed Joanne Compton each day she says the loss feels like a hole that gets deeper I keep her alive in my thoughts just thinking about her smile Lori is buried in a cemetery near the family home her mother though still is waiting for some kind of peace I miss you Joanne uh wrote to Dr Phil and uh she wants to end her obsession with this tragedy she knows that she is obsess and she wrote to Dr Phil McGraw asking for help Phil is here with a plan to help Joanne and all of you who are watching today who are still stuck in grief move on this is a show for anyone dealing with a tragedy what is it you want to say about your daughter that luran was a person that she deserved to live that she didn't deserve to be thrown away like a bag of they threw her away in the river like a bag of trash and she didn't deserve that and I miss her so much it just aches inside so bad and I wanted somebody I just wanted to go to the tallest mountain top and scream and let people know the pain the pain that will never go away because of this do you want it to go away yes I mean do you really yes sir I do I'm going to be real honest with you here this is by far the hardest show I've done and may be the hardest show I ever do because when you lose a child I can only imagine what it means to you but I want to know what did it do to you when they took your little girl away from you it ended my life I no longer wanted to do anything I don't want to feel Joy or happiness I don't want to smile they destroyed me all I can think of is I'm still here and she never even got a chance they cheated me out of my grandchildren they cheated me out of the time I would have had with her as a mother and daughter the times I would have been able to experience things with her that a mother and daughter experience and share I know this is a terrible thing to say and I have tried in my heart I really have to forgive but I hope they're in the same hell I am I hope they're suffering just like I am I hope every day for them is just as bad as it's been for me but I pray that they don't do this to anyone else and I hope that someday God will take care of them as he's promised so now you're stuck 10 years you have not been able to ble to move on and you have watched Cindy your mother not be able to move on what do you want to say well I just want to tell her that um I need you I need you there as a parent a friend um when we lost Lor you lost a daughter I lost a sister and it was really hard to find someone to um understand the pain I was feeling because um obviously you couldn't be there at that time for me mhm um I'm going to let you come up here and say that to her how about that how about that you can have my chair um it was just really hard for me to um deal with that I felt like I was dealing with that alone um do you want your mother back I do I want her there 100% just look her in the eye and tell her I need you back I need you back and I need you back as my parent and as my friend I'm so sorry Cindy I'm really sorry let me ask you both something and I'll address this to you because Cindy I think you've moved on I think you feel like you have some closure I do you haven't forgotten your sister have you you don't love her any less no I think about her every day you think about her every day but you're not obsessed with it no and you feel that you are oh yes okay but can you accept the fact fact that the length and depth of your grieving does not reflect the length and depth of your love you can love somebody this much and if you and then if if you if you grieve for a year that doesn't mean that you only loved them that much that sounds foreign to you doesn't it because you walk around you say how can I be laughing today and my daughter is dead but I'm asking you now can you at least entertain the fact that how long you grieve is not a reflection of How Deeply you loved your daughter I believe I do can you accept that if you get closure on this if you say I'm not going to be obsessed with this anymore that you are not betraying your daughter yes I think I can if she could talk to you right now do you think she would say mother I want you to hurt every day for the rest of your life to prove that you loved me oh no do you think that's what she would say to you she would be very angry at me over this so it wouldn't be a betrayal maybe the Betrayal is focusing on the day of her death rather than celebrating the event of her life she lived for 18 vibrant and wonderful years and you focus on the day that she died I never thought of it that way I really never thought of it that way well maybe it's time to say I'm GNA do that maybe it's time to say I'm going to focus on her life and celebrate what I had rather than what I lost you suppose that's a possibility oh yes that would be nice that would be very nice but it means you have to let her go you have to give her to God and say I'm going to I'm this is your job now I'll never forget I'll never stop loving you'll never stop being part of my life but it's time that I move on with your sister and with my life take you with me in my heart but I'm not going to be obsessed with this anymore I'd like to work towards that I really would i' like to be able to do that okay we're going to see if we can help you with that will you take one more step with me yes sir I mean one more really big big step sure because what I want you to do right now is I want you to make a decision that says I've got to get up tomorrow and not be consumed with what I'm doing you have to be willing to say in your heart to Lori I've got to let you go I've got to say goodbye I've got to let you go turn your chair and face me get real close Okay Okay I want to ask you is it time to say bye to Lori yes because you know you can hold her in an Earthly Bond don't you yes I do cuz I want to tell you a story that I think is really really important to think about because it's a story that I heard a long time ago that meant a lot to me in my heart because I believe that Lor is in a wonderful place without pain and without hurt without fear but if you're holding on to her she can't go on the story said that every day all of the young people would gather around God and light a candle and go for a walk a wonderful beautiful walk through a park and everything was great and everything was wonderful but there was one young lady that always sat on the side and would never go on the walk and they asked her one day Lori why will you never go with us and she said because every time I light my candle my mother's tears put it out can you let her go can you let her light that candle and let her go yes I can I want to I really want to I don't want you to want to I want you to do it I want you to say right now Lori I'll love you till the day I die I'll love you till I see you again but I got to let you go for you for me for Cindy and for your dad you say it Lori I love you I'll love you for the rest of my life I'll never forget you I'm going to let you go I need to let you go come I'm going to let you go Lori I need to let you go for me I need to let you go for Cindy I need to let you go for your daddy but most of all I need to let you go for yourself I'm so sorry St her be well baby be well baby I love you I love you very much A lot happened to you in this hour yes it has and you just said to me um during the commercial break you said I was going to leave here with a plan yeah and now you've changed your plan what was the plan I thought after I made this goal that now I could go home I'm sorry I was going to go home and take my [Music] life because I wanted so bad to reach this goal and I felt like once I reached it I could just let go and I didn't know how to let go without just going with but now you've changed your mind oh yes I've changed my [Applause] mind I'm truly have you truly have well thank you Phil this was a good day for you this was a good day this is a good day wow did you see that did you see that moment when she says I never thought of it that way before that is pure transformation I live for that thank you Dr Phil and thank you for watching the best of the Oprah show I'll see you next next time it's [Music] good

Channel: OWN

Views: 15,474

Keywords: Oprah, Oprah Winfrey, Oprah Winfrey Network YouTube, full episodes, Oprah Winfrey Show, The Oprah Winfery Show, Celebrity Interviews, the oprah show, oprah show full episode, full episode, Dr. Phil, Dr. Phil McGraw, oprah winfrey dr phil, dr phil oprah winfrey, best of oprah, best of the oprah winfrey show, oprah winfrey show full episodes, best of oprah winfrey show full episodes, oprah and dr phil

Id: C3CqFysmZaI

Length: 41min 12sec (2472 seconds)

Published: Mon Mar 18 2024