Master Beta | Brilliant Idiots with Charlamagne Tha God and Andrew Schulz

[Music] we are the brilliant idiots podcast back for a week another brilliant idiot-ness i'm gonna be honest with y'all i'm exhausted as [ __ ] what happened i'm just tired man i did a late workout last night and plus we know we was traveling this weekend working out and then you know you know what's so weird about like three day weekends just admit that you're working out because the last pockets no i'm always working up but but man a little bit more and made a little bit more you look back at it a little bit a little bit it was the picture you know what it was it was the picture you saw the picture the picture we posted i was like i look a little poorly around the hip but it's a little i could tell like my waist uh like like hip area your ratio yeah yeah yeah yeah you said what read the comments i don't want to look like wax that's all not wax if you look like me you'd be a no man just tall i get it don't worry no because the thing is he's he's yeah he's got um he's got a better body than you oh that's okay i can say that as a heterosexual male no i agree with that do you think he's a better body than you yeah who do you think who do you think is a better personality better personality it depends on the setting okay go it depends on the setting okay that's all birthday party oh wax he's he's killer oh yeah yeah he's like the um you order like the big like the the the pokemon yeah yeah like the person that's in a suit exactly we should put wax in times square and just charge a dollar a dollar to asian people for pictures like you want to take a picture yeah kids always love me now really every time i go to like cookouts and stuff i always go with the kids because like grown-ups be lying so i go to the kids cause they're like so innocent yeah there's an honesty to kids now wax is changing though i just saw a wax not beat somebody up whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa yeah man i don't know about this bro by the way anybody that tells you new york is not getting crazy is a liar it's not getting crazy new york is nuts show i'm telling you you just got back here what did i try to get me what happened for sure tell them what happened what happened yeah literally five minutes i went to the building and i was like just i'm going to go back to the truck real quick go back to the truck i see a hanes white sock in my dashboard kicked up like this kicked up at the dashboard okay so i'm thinking somebody played about right away i'm thinking charlotte made playing around he sent somebody in the [ __ ] so open the door what the [ __ ] are you doing this guy got a pee coat on those drawers and hangs white socks and no shirt there's no shirt no drawers on he's butt naked no no he got just no shirt no drawers and socks no he had drawers on so i just put my foot and grabbed his head get the [ __ ] out of here that's not what happened tell him what you said first yo oh i was like get the [ __ ] out of here like this is a free country free country the [ __ ] you made a free country brother get the [ __ ] out of here you like he's like oh you don't know what's going on i don't give a [ __ ] what's going on he might get the [ __ ] out of i didn't i didn't want to touch you he starts he's smelling i ain't got time for that [ __ ] when you get back in that truck later and you sit in something warm and liquidy i'm telling you he jerked off he definitely turned off he jerked off he jerked off your truck and then he sat there there wasn't enough time i fell asleep we mean once enough time how long it takes you to jerk off no we were just talking about this one minute especially if you're like a weirdo like that they probably will come back quick listen like i told you what do you mean yes he's used to this how many times you want to have sex when it's hot you got to have sex with certain time of the like i can have any temperature i just can't have sex if i'm full if i've had a full if it's too hot you can't be horny you're speaking with a rational mind this man does not have a rational mind i just read a story about this woman in minnesota who was at a car lot and she went from car to car masturbating in each car when the police came it was like a week ago when the police came she didn't stop oh and she was in minnesota and they said she was masturbating and kept talking about florida did they arrest her or did they try to ever fight they didn't let her finish at all she's about to squirt it hold on hold on yeah they'd probably be like yeah what are you doing man somebody who won't touch her you gotta have a lady cop there right that's the other thing can you arrest a woman well you can't even touch her especially she's naked playing with herself you can't touch her i mean she's on a private property she's freaking masturbating in various cars no way a man touched her well listen they took her to jail okay i'm just proud of wax that he didn't beat the guy off for beating off in his troops maybe you're proud that you did waxing and beat the guy off oh no i had to say beat the guy i mean if this guy was a regular guy what are you doing in there all by yourself get your hands off of you i'll take it from here if he was a regular guy he would have got it but i knew what something was wrong with him like it's my fault you knew he was crazy yeah something's wrong with you so that that's what some people are saying they're just more crazy people on the streets they let them saw that we saw that last summer though yeah about two weeks ago now no but i remember last summer we was on the throne and i'm looking around like what the [ __ ] is going on but they do that every may what do you mean for mental health awareness they let out like 20 percent they do 20 they let out 20 percent for men [Laughter] it's true that's the celebration yeah yo go have fun you know come back and last week it was so big y'all didn't notice you missed a mental health i never paid no attention but it does seem like every man somewhere around us around a certain time they do just they let them let them out like and i don't know what summer started to get it going yeah they they testing something out there they gotta be always guinea pigs and it's the same area like around tribeca like why is it right there there's that there's a lot of crazy over there that's what i feel sorry for because if somebody is um desperate enough to sit in a stranger's car jack's car it's like god but he don't know it's your car bro you don't know your car you don't care i just let listen in a matter of five minutes he was comfortable comfortable he it's your body new is your car and he was sniffing your seats and beating his dick he saw your body and he was like this is the car i want to jack off and then when he when he got out the car what did he do when she got out the car he screamed no you said he was doing what he said he walked up the street no he's going to try to go other people's car exactly oh and jerk off in them too clearly that's a wild boy right there bro i think it's positively brilliant listen uh positively brilliant this week dc young fly oh you're knocking a guy on saturday i mean it's not the fact that he knocked the guy out on stage but listen you gotta protect your peace yeah when i saw that story all i saw was a man who understands self-care think about the stage for you it's therapeutic right yeah and you on that stage you cooking you talking to the people you vibing you can't let nobody disturb your peace why do comedians roast hecklers because they're interrupting the [ __ ] they're disturbing the peace so dc i don't know what exactly happened i didn't listen to what dc his explanation was did anybody hear it no yeah i didn't hear what his explanation was he posted something he posted something about like you know hey man at the end of the day i'm from east atlanta side atlanta west side atlanta like yeah hands like yeah yeah you know you come up here and that's the thing if you come up on stage after someone's talking [ __ ] like anything can happen you don't know what that person wants once they get up there everybody's looking for a viral moment let's handle this right then and there yeah but i have to say comedy club should not allow that where is the security where's the phone cameras where where's the footage that's right i'm working on youtube i'm searching for this [ __ ] i thought you saw it i know i just got the after effect i haven't seen an actual beatdown well that's good right you should be happy there's no phone cameras in the comedy club i mean i mean you know somebody snake he's always thinking everything but i mean i want to see if i know there's about to be an altercation i see [ __ ] start approaching the stage please believe i'm a blessing but you don't know if it's part of the act that's the problem well it's not a video it's getting videotaped you go to a comedy show i've seen it you go to a comedy show you see somebody interacting with somebody in the audience then you realize it's a part of the act yeah they probably didn't realize it was a part of the act yeah but that is a waste of a punch though you know if you catch somebody on camera you want the world i want the world to see especially if you knocked them out i didn't even see the guy i'll never get none of them you see the guy walking out yeah you see the guy walking out yeah didn't even get carried out i mean i guess he woke back up but he dropped him he slept on the panel yeah that's dope that's a job yeah push up some work i've been telling you about you've been hit you got hit on stage before yeah i got hit in the face i got a punch in the face wow [ __ ] around with you black folks you sounded about right no no i was up in harlem doing a show at a cafe mocha shout out to smokey man smokey suarez legendary comic yeah you know smokey smokey had a has a room i imagine it's probably still going on now if if they're back from the pandemic is a cafe mochas i think it was on like 117th street and jesus christ that's a black comedy night cafe cafe mocha on 117th street 2017. malcolm frederick douglas bull a famous black guy boulevard and it was uh yeah it was just my one of my first times it was super young in comedy but i was just going up anywhere and um i tried to make fun of puerto rico in the crowd he wasn't having it he came up to me and there's no stage there you're just performing like in front of you don't blame black people say what don't blame black people that was the boy he's out for latino and afro latino came up to me and after latino came up to me a lat tanks yeah and uh he just he came right up up to me he swung me and uh punched me in my face and then [ __ ] grabbed him they grabbed me they threw his ass out i remember smokey uh handed mike back to me he goes all right bro keep doing your thing listen you gotta keep it moving you fall off the horse you gotta get back on it how long was you on stage i was probably on stage another like maybe like five minutes or something like damn did you get a laugh at least i wasn't even trying to tell jokes i was like what do i talk about now what do i talk about to y'all what am i talking about the subway is uncomfortable ain't it now it's uncomfortable getting punched in your [ __ ] face by a puerto rican what did you say to the puerto rican that made him so mad talk about corona yo i wasn't good back then so jokes didn't even happen it wasn't even jokes that he was like i was like i don't know i was asking what he was somebody's i'm puerto rican i was like you ain't puerto rican and they're proud of that you know what i mean you're in puerto rico [Applause] after that what's the worst thing that can happen on stage yeah get shot that's the worst yeah yeah yeah so it's like that's the only thing i could think that could happen to me on stage just as bad as that you know yeah i don't i don't like that i think comedians need to have security i don't think that nobody should even be allowed to get on stage like you shouldn't be allowed to get within five feet of the stage man yeah you're disturbing the comedian's piece well there was no stage you're just performing in front of the bar if there's a stage at least you know you can see them come in you know they're gonna take a step up and then boom you know you buy the ball you know if you're ordering a drink you don't know what's going on was he already stand up he got out of his seat so he stood up and walked right in front of me and i was like what's up man like what's up i literally was like what's up like you trying to get by me to go to the bathroom like what are you trying to do he's sitting right in front of me and uh yeah and then he punched me would you know him if you saw him today but i know if i saw him now yeah no damn no not at all i remember everybody who i had a fight with really yeah yeah i don't even remember the guys that i've sparred with how you remember everybody you had to fight with but not everybody you slept with yeah that's a good ass ball because my adrenaline was going higher at that time with during my fight nah does that make any sense that isn't because i haven't fought i hadn't i had had too much sex and i had that many fights aren't you being intimate with the girl though so you don't remember her face like exactly like anything i think why intimate i'm fighting because he gets dressed to fight yeah i was listening to bomani jones talk about when uh you and mace got into it yeah and it was so funny the way bomani described you he was like he had on some really tight pants really tight cargo pants which we know his wax is stable and he was like um he pulled out his gloves and he put them on slowly slowly you get more intimate to fight than you do your hands bro because i had a lot of knockouts here so i just got to make sure everything stayed braced and i hit like really hard you only put your gloves on when you fight yeah what i said well there might be something to that yo what is that that you enjoy fighting more than sex i mean i guess so you say that yeah you gotta talk to a therapist there's gotta be something there with that have you ever spoken to a therapist have you achieved orgasm through fighting no i never did it i'm just saying have you ever said it's like somebody got a lot when you put them in a headlock it's like having sex that type of stuff always was like given to me it's so easy for me and i'm saying it's like you know i don't really care about that type of [ __ ] me having a fight was like damn nobody want to try me i work out all the time i want to try my new arms i want to try my new thing i just worked out with like yeah you know [ __ ] deadlifts for what they never tried you wanted something gay here yeah i know we're gonna get there we're gonna get there we're gonna let him guide us there you gotta sit again okay guys today welcome to the brilliant idiots podcast a therapist could get figure this out because something is not right about this you know what's so funny we used to have whatever we were bringing with gay [ __ ] we used to be like dick talk dick segment we talk about so much gay [ __ ] it's nice [Laughter] might as well start the podcast dick talk dick the next hour and a half so so has there ever been a situation where you were fighting and you felt some sort of like uh release emotional release sexual release no not at all and every time i thought it was like you know i was like being guided by a god it was like i was more disciplining this person more of like poof in his ass ah you felt like you were you were like the karma police you were oh that's all i am i'm only here for that okay i never just like i never enjoy hurting nobody yeah yeah a little bit you don't think it's strange though that you can't even remember women's names that you sleep with but you can remember everybody you beat up yeah i remember that you think you beat up more people or some more women sex of course i mean i i try not to beat everybody up a lot of people wax is missing is calling man he wants to be a wrestler you like fighting you i don't like fighting i just like i like being a hero like i like to see that [ __ ] guy right there like i'm pissed off he got the gear on hold on are you in the wide shot out please [Laughter] you could do this for a living you could get bad guys for a living so you know what they said about the old lady the other day who got her first ticking and stuff i'm like why the [ __ ] i'm never there like i want freebies and stuff like that i want to like you can literally do this for a living you can get they will call you and then you can chase them down you can like research it the whole night you know what i was thinking about that jetpack when you're talking about the other day yeah that'd be fire if you had a jet pack just be a cop jet pack go to the academy i think you need to be a cop are you told to be in the academy i'm gonna get to any charges being academy or in the military like he wants to play i can tell wax wants to do combat listen i tried to do it because i wanted to try the airplanes and i just felt the asvab test so bad to where there was like there's no way they're gonna let me in there you try to go in the military yeah i tried to when i got locked up one of my time i got locked up they were like yo we're going to send you uncle sam and you you ain't got to get locked up you'll be ah so i tried to go do the test and i felt it the worst you're not going to fit into a fighter as a fighter pilot like you're not going to fit in the plane like yeah what are you talking about what plane you're going to fly bro [ __ ] bombers no there's no way those that you're gonna be tiny to fly those things pilots are small yeah the fighter pilots why do you want to be in the air force i just want to fly planes and shoot everybody wants to be in the air i feel like every guy this is crazy it's and it's actually just i'm telling you there's something there yeah i'm going to figure out why you like fighting more than sex something's happened like i told you it's like that was always given to me listen you know how many times that people never even go a lot of people i don't never see hustle always got money given to them like some a lot of people really hustlers like never really had it and they just stepped out with that mode like a [ __ ] was always given to me it was like that's nothing to me you you're like oh my give me [ __ ] for a week i'm like the fun guys it's the no it's the thing is i never get the fight i never get i'm i'm i'm like competitive you know what i'm saying so i'm like i'm working out all this time and all that the [ __ ] i'm working out for like nobody's gonna try me be healthy so when i finally get to get in get into something it's like you work out so you look good enough to where guys want to jack off in your truck no no just yo people do throw sex at you bro that's facts they were seeing it i see you good at this point guys and girls i've seen real if a guy if you guys thinks you're so fine he's just gonna jerk off in your truck because that's the closest thing that he could get yo what about the guy who kissed your hand in that club that night you were there weren't you i was there bro i paid them twenty dollars kissed you right in your [ __ ] hand walked right up his hands took his hand wax gave him his hand the guy just brought up his lips kiss that [ __ ] right in his head just looked at him shaking he turned my hand like what the [ __ ] are you doing no you did not jump back he did not he brought it back slow like oh [ __ ] he was looking at you did bro you were mesmerized you remember that like i do remember that now you want to keep talking about that what happened that night what happened that night the lights came onto you looked at what the [ __ ] you was playing around with oh yeah son i got it was dark in there man wax was kissing dudes i was kissing bulbasaur's brother it's a type of pokemon listen bro yo you know i didn't know it looked all right in the in the light it looked all right they was kissing so crazy like how are her lipstick [Laughter] put up some positively brilliant [ __ ] ladies or taking time out for mental health i respect it i think naomi osaka is positively brilliant i mean listen it's not even just naomi osaka it's anybody take time out when you are mentally exhausted i don't know what it is the old i get i'd be more mentally and emotionally fatigued than i do physically physically you can power through yeah but man when you're not there mentally [ __ ] no i'm not showing up what's the point you know what i mean i i i reserve the right job the it's your job but she she took the fine but she got to work a few days a year hey man how many days are you gonna work 12 days a year you can't work 12 days of [ __ ] years i don't know what's going on with them you can't work 12 days a year though i just not like you physically injured you stressed because you had to answer questions after the match hey you gotta work 12 days a year b i don't know bro i work seven days a week and you don't get mentally exhausted i do yes imagine i work 12 days a year i'd be i'm okay it depends what you're doing hitting a ball sharla come on hitting a [ __ ] ball i hate it when we cap for these athletes like they do some hard [ __ ] they do they hit a ball i can't do it what do kids do before they know how to speak i literally do what she does well i do what she's afraid of doing for a living she's like i don't want to answer questions after i play tennis i literally talk to people for a living but that [ __ ] gets exhausting woman oh now she's a woman how do you know how she identify how do you know do not misgender her do not misgender her you don't know how she identifies she i definitely that's a woman well that's i don't know she's with ybn that guy i'm i'm almost 100 percent positive she identifies women but again you can't assume that brother i can't assume you're right you're right you're right she might not even want the pronouns they probably criticize her from her race stance everything else like that well what is what race is she he's haitian in uh japanese right she's haitian japanese okay i haven't i don't care how many days she work a year when you don't want to show up i reserve the right not to show up by the way i'm notorious for that i am notorious for the day of yo yep no no no no no night before 12 o'clock exactly at 11 o'clock last night all right earlier in the day he texts us yo can we do a pod thursday i'm like all right bet but you know why i go i'll move some things around when i say i move some things around i mean i'll move eight other people's schedules around that's what it means okay i agree but charlotte schedules a priority and i've i've always believed in that support of that and always made [ __ ] work because of that and i do recognize it but i feel the same i feel the same about your schedule but i you know what's so funny i thought my appointment with uh one of the people in my wellness circle was around this time so i didn't want to come rush to do the podcast and then you know have to rush back because you know when i when i go sit down with them i want to like just sit down and take some time but then i realized it was west coast time ah so i'm like oh that ain't so late in this evening so he hits us up at 11 o'clock at night and goes yo we could actually do it tomorrow yeah so now i got to call all these [ __ ] yo we cuz we got to do flagrant before so i'm like yo everybody's in at 9. this is a wild situation i get it all i'm saying is i don't know that's my what a [ __ ] idiot for the week i don't know naomi osaka's you know uh schedule or anything like that but anytime somebody wants to take a mental health break i'm all for it man i'm all for it too uh i just and again i don't know the situation and she seems like a an authentic person talks she's young she's like an authentic person so i do believe her when she's saying it i do often times think that there are people who take advantage of our empathy for mental health yeah but they want to get out of the situation how would you know you need to take it exactly like everybody deals with stress everybody deals with depression everybody these are about a week too exactly i think we've made it um and when i say we i mean society i think society has made it so well days a week he definitely said 12 days you say 12 days a week are you in a metric system bro but he works 12 days a week he works 12 days ago 12 hours i guess 24 yes i mean you know how many days and christmas you know yeah i think that um like i forgot what the [ __ ] i was going to say that's why i need a mental health break so that's that's good no but you were in the middle of saying some [ __ ] like people be capping about mental health oh yes i think that i think society is society sell books i think society has made it to where the stigma has been eradicated yeah so now people aren't afraid to say yo i need a mental health break and now you have which is with that what happens with every movement is you have the people who are going to take advantage of the movement because it's an easy situation where they gotta feel they don't they feel uncomfortable they get to avoid something man they've been doing that in the hood and my family been doing that for years did i do that with my girl what's wrong with that every time my girl is upset at me i'm sick yes i don't want to be upset at me when i'm sick right as simple as this second she upset me because i came home late i'll be like ah we should definitely talk about that after i throw up because i'm sick now she can't be angry what does she sing about sick say what oh you're sick i'm not sick oh god sick of her being mad at me i don't feel good right now i don't feel horrible i could be home the night before i do this a lot when it comes to like like concerts and [ __ ] like powerhouse or some [ __ ] like that i'll be home the night before and then i start thinking about all the people we got to deal with the next day going on the stage all that [ __ ] and like my social anxiety i'm like i'm not coming i'm not going and then what happens i don't go oh you just skip out yes you skipped out on a powerhouse before hell yeah i don't remember that it was so boring well without charlotte yeah because you need them there to mix it up mix it up i'm gonna say [ __ ] you the brands or some [ __ ] but then you gotta think too right it's exhausting and that's another thing right cause it's like yo we go places i was saying that the other day when i went down this rabbit hole somebody sent me the bomani jones [ __ ] and then i just thought about all the times we went out and every time we went out we got into some [ __ ] i actually gets exhausting i don't want to freaking be con having confrontations with people's favorite rappers and artists that [ __ ] is exhausting i i was listening to angela yee talk about dc young fly in the club punching the guy yup jeezy being in some club in detroit and it was some situation kelly price having a situation with a promoter and all i thought to myself was this is why i'd be in the [ __ ] house yeah we always did get into something it's always stupid no i got time for that from that time we were standing in front of the club we're in front of the club right and this white girl was just she came up to us and said something i don't even remember what she said then her boyfriend or something comes up to me and shakes my hand and squeezes my hand real tight because he thought i said something to the girl and i he said something i'm like what i said what i couldn't hear him i'm like what what they heard him before me yeah he already got tore up he got smacked i'm like i don't even know what he's saying what do you say i forgot what's it even smack him somebody else man you gotta get hit up say who but somebody else smacked him this was years ago oh good job that is mentally and emotionally exhausting so you never know i don't know what naomi goes i never get into fights when i go out though because you're white that's a great point too taylor great observation it might be a little different in our society so you're saying but why you're saying white people don't come and fight other white people definitely a fight i just told you a white dude came to a white dude tried to i don't know what he was trying to do he definitely fight y'all alex got into a whole thing too he started that he started that [ __ ] goddamn boys this is a real problem so what was that what did you say about the puerto rican thing baby [ __ ] die laughing oh yeah yeah we're talking about talking about hawkeyes brings up uh you know why [ __ ] puerto ricans gotta play handball all the time right al just goes come on bro we gotta hit something [Laughter] they gotta get out this thank god no y'all do take handball seriously you know another thing naomi osaka said though she she knows her limitations ah she said she's not good when she does interviews she was like she don't like talking that's okay but that's part of the job i get it i get it if you want to do this this is what comes with the territory and what i think that she's doing is going i'm going to use my leverage to force you guys to change the rules so they accommodate my lifestyle a little bit better but i'm sure they make money off of the press that comes from these conversations afterwards and then you right into the tv deals etc so it's like i understand you don't want to do it and it's an inconvenience to you and i understand the more successful people get the less they want inconveniences in their life i'm guilty of that the more successful the more money that you have the less that you want to be inconvenienced that's right and then and that at first it's okay you start like paying people to do some things that you wouldn't want to do but eventually you start to get a little bit of entitlement or some people get some entitlement where they feel like they don't deserve to be inconvenienced and inconvenience is a mental health issue there's a big difference between being inconvenienced and being harassed like there's a massive gap right but you know the thing about anxiety and i'm so glad that i've always been open about my anxiety well recently everything feels like harassment when you're rich when you're poor you're like oh this just sucks you ain't got no choice i'm with you but guess what that's why everybody every job every industry should have mental health breaks now you're right you will have some people who take advantage of those this is rich girl [ __ ] listen to that hey i'm with you i can i can see how i can easily see how you can say that but we're all we're all act like rich girls or rich dudes or whatever in time because when you get more money you can remove inconvenience from your life and remove any time you feel inconvenienced when you know you can remove it it's that much more annoying that's why you see these added touch celebrities like like explode at a restaurant like ellen right like ellen if somebody smelled like tuna on set like one person smelled like tuna because they're eating a tuna sandwich on set and then she fired that [ __ ] that's the special she's so not used to inconvenience in her life but you're right though because that's the thing right when when you know your triggers and i guess you're in a position to remove your triggers now you're running your [ __ ] triggers exactly yeah and then that's why i'm saying something like rich person [ __ ] whereas like that's what life is you got to be inconvenienced i'm not going where i'm triggered exactly but sometimes in life the triggers are going to come for you that's the fact that within your job even that's the fact on social media or social media yeah that's why i stay off it boom exactly so you can stay off it but she can't she got to go play tennis eventually you're gonna have to play tennis but by the way clearly she doesn't yo naomi made 55 million dollars last year if she stops playing sentence you're going to see that money go away real how the hell you won't get rid of it like that crypto okay i got i got i got rid of tens of thousands you want to make your money disappear invest in some crypto i don't understand crypto at all bro don't don't even get me started all crypto is is i don't want my friends to get rich without me that's all crypto is damn and it's it's a bunch of guys who have one of their friends who got into it and started making a lot of money based on absolutely nothing because it's [ __ ] so now the other friends are starting to go oh no you're not about to be the rich one without me getting rich when i know you know nothing yeah like if you get rich because you worked harder than me say like v that's great but you're not gonna get rich because a couple letters you put money behind that's right and they went up a thousand percent i mean the thing about crypto is like you don't know what's going to actually be the the one cryptocurrency that everybody uses exactly you know what i mean and what is behind crypto like we know at one point gold was behind the dollar what is nothing making crypto worth it china there's a limited quantity in some of them so like bitcoin there's only going to be 21 or 23 million or 18 million whatever it is ever so and that's by design by this like um the lack of a better uh term like an equation essentially the blockchain is the thing that um the the the mining is done on and the printing of each transaction is done on but there's a limited amount so if you have five bitcoin when you know there's not going to be any more than 20 million ever now you have a piece of the world that should have value but there's no [ __ ] value it's whatever we pretend it is it's no different than bags and you know sneakers and all this other [ __ ] are these sneakers worth [ __ ] five hundred dollars only because we just depends yeah it's like yeah yeah it depends it's worth six dollars realistically i bought some [ __ ] um well you know i got into stocks last year with the s p 500 but i got into buying individual stocks guys amc [ __ ] i know man i know you know what made me buy amc that goddamn marvel commercial that showed all the movies that were coming out over the next couple of years in marvel people need to go see this i was just sitting back like and i love movie theaters i want to own a movie theater one day so i'm looking like i'm gonna buy me some amc stuff i hit my financial guys i'm gonna buy me some amc stock it's like a month ago i bought it at nine dollars a share and now that [ __ ] was forty two dollars a shot this morning god bless they're doing a squeeze on it but yeah i don't give a [ __ ] i took my initial investment out yesterday yeah which was like 15k i didn't even put i didn't even put 10 in my portfolio i just put like 15k in there i took that out yesterday and i'm just playing with house money at this point right but it's just interesting to watch because you sitting there like i didn't do [ __ ] to make this money well you got very lucky with that one because i think the hedge funds were uh betting against it and then the reddit community came together similar thing to gamestop and the reddit community came together and they're like let's [ __ ] over the hedge funds but it's common sense though right like yo movies got to come back well theater's got to come back it was the opposite the common sense was that movies were going to be done and that's why the hedge funds basically bet against the whole thing and then the reddit community came out and they were just like yo [ __ ] these hedge funds why don't we all dump our money into this stock to pump it up and if we can keep it pumped up long enough these hedge funds will lose millions and millions and millions of dollars so that's what they're trying to do like i looked at the production short squeeze it's called when i saw that these production studios were still spending you know multi millions of dollars to produce films yeah i'm like okay theater's not going nowhere because i'm looking at disney plus and hbo max like the experience isn't the same unless you got a theater in your [ __ ] house it's just simply not the same when i was i was in uh miami last thing we did in miami's uh we saw a movie one last week we uh it was called dream horse it was actually like a really dream horse yeah really fight really boris oh about this what the [ __ ] y'all watch that dream horse no no it was called a dream horse and it was a and we're in this movie theater and this is the coolest thing ever we were the only two people in the movie that's great bro that [ __ ] having your feet up talking out loud about the movie to your fiance to your wife whatever while it's going in this huge movie by yourself it's one of those things where it's like we could but like you could do whatever you want bro welcome to my life i do morning radio so if i do morning radio 6 to 10 i'm at the matinee oh that's right that's nice the movie like it was in that moment i really understood you know where like rich people do uh a theater in their house like i'm surprised you don't have a theater in your house hey man are you building take all that amc that's why i got through the mc money [Laughter] mean god is good you know what i mean but that's but that is a cool thing like going there with wifey locking doors that's it tv outside that's kind of fire maybe that's a good little situation your tv outside in the living room where you watch you know like the fights or whatever the games yeah the games like you want to have the [ __ ] going but then the movie room where it's like yo we're going to lock in lock in but everybody don't have a theater so quiet place 2 did 70 million dollars this past weekend is that right yes in theaters cruella did like 40 million and it was on disney plus nice so it did 40 minutes of box office or whatever it did on disney plus theaters are back quiet place did 70 million worldwide 70 million dollars and that's that's a horror film right yes rated r son a horror film is and i don't know all the tech going on in it but most horror films are pretty easy to make super easy but they're cheap right because most of it is like tension dark lighting there's not like these crazy explosions or anything like that fast and furious probably take hundred million dollars a quiet place and you got no [ __ ] dialogue i'll be a horror guy how much it i'll be the horror guy you said you want to be the hero make up your mind yeah yeah so i think you should be in robin hood men in tights no no man i scared a bad guy hey bring your pants and loki robin hood robin hood about a notorious dog who likes to wear tight pants that's his calling card call it robin hoods robin hood because he's out there robbing robin hood's men in tights oh my goodness all the guys who out there who think they tough guys in the hoods and stuff like that i'm going i like beating up the bad guys steal from the poor give to the me i bring it to the churches for tithes oh that's actually oh that's incredible i've actually been doing that all these years i've been selling enjoyment selling like my to pay my titles on my drug money i had another yeah and it's a bunch of guys that go rob like a car show you know what envy does his big show called cartela so you have a bunch of guys who plot these these same guys would be robbing cars and jersey and everywhere else like bad people plot on carcella because they know that's what all the cars like the jamaicans in miami um it's gone in 60 shots so bad boys yeah it's going to 60 seconds that nick cage movie remember that [ __ ] yes like that about carcella yes yeah that's fine you want them on miami um highway like they did in bad boys when the jamaicans stole that thing and they was wilding that'd be fine they steal the cars and go and then they're like what a crazy chase scene that yeah and if you're emptying them [Laughter] let's take a break now because i got to pee is that cool oh all right well let's take a break we pay some bills okay let's stop and pay some bills man um this episode of the brilliant idiots is sponsored by blue chew say it with us blue chew blue chew is making waves and bringing more confidence to the bedroom by offering chewable tablets that can help men get stronger and have longer lasting erections blue chew is a unique online service that delivers the same active ingredients as viagra and cialis but in chewable form and at a fraction of the cost blue chews tablets help men achieve harder stronger erections to combat all forms of erectile dysfunction blue chew is an online prescription service so no visits to the doctor's office no awkward conversations and no 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the brilliant idiots podcast today's brilliant idiots podcast is also brought to you by cushy dreams look man we know the world today is nuts you heard what we was talking about earlier where the guy was just sitting in wax's car with his feet cocked up and just a pea coat on okay just when it seems like things are getting better we're hit with even more reasons to be anxious and uncomfortable okay and that's why our friends at cushy dreams can help cushy dreams helps you to deal with people because they specialize in high quality smokable cbd and cbd has been shown to help with anxiety depression inflammation even pain relief and more and smoking cbd gets it into your system right away so you don't have to wait long for the effects cushy dreams extraordinary cbd rich hemp flour comes in eight ounce cans and pre-rolled joints it is cannabis that ships directly to you and directly to all 50 states okay and discreetly they offer indigo and sativa strains that deliver effects like relax create hustle peace energy dream let me tell you something nothing like cushy dreams on a nice summer day when you sitting on your back porch watching the trees listening to the birds you don't necessarily want to get high but you want to relax alright that's cushy dreams whether you want to smoke beautiful blood or pre-rolls their popular pre-roll joints are rolled in organic hemp paper and feature an even slow burn with cushy dreams experience the therapeutic benefits of cbd with full flower full spectrum and full flavor we know you're sick of carts vapes gummies and want to smoke your cbd and now you can enjoy all of the benefits of cannabis without getting high go to cushydreams.com that's k-u-s-h-y-dreams.com at check out use promo code idiots for 20 off your next order smoke your cbd with promo code idiots and get 20 off today now let's get back to the show all right let's do some church announcements uh wax you got some church announcements uh soon the paintball facility gonna be opened up really soon so uh make sure y'all get your teams ready uh t diddy says she's gonna have someone put something on the website so y'all put your teams up there podcast wars make sure y'all get your teams and uh figure out who you're gonna fight god bless god bless you for bullying the bees would you guys have today this week oh bullying the beast we had uh a sex spurt and um she actually let me know that i don't know how to have sex so really yeah i've been bullshitting all these years that's probably why you enjoy fighting more yeah because you know how to fight coming out i guess yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah so you know you have a boxing coach huh no yeah so that he can describe like how you've been fighting incorrectly as well you know what i mean you know i've probably been knocking people out incorrectly for a really long time yeah but in that ring you'll get embarrassed did you see that coach you see that boxing coach in bat and that's an old man they ain't got nothing to do that dude can't fight in the street that dude can't fight my little nephew will beat him up for sure that dude can't that boxing coach would embarrass you but he won't the boxing coach yo tell me why why you feel like he embarrassed me because he knows how to box and you don't with that guy to do anything hand-eye coordination like if i see something coming at me am i not going to just move a very very good effort was it because of the training that you did or simply hand i mean mostly it's because i played soccer first and then when i came out there i was overly ex um i already did things um i was outstanding i was outstanding because i knew how to do more things like my feet work and stuff being my side right but you had some training yeah i had training is what made you good i understand that but just my ability of being who i was i know a whole lot of dudes who train and with the practice way more than me coach take the [ __ ] out wax the only reason why wax didn't go in because i was late to practice all the time i wasn't going to practice and i used to come in there and dominate because of my ability of who i was i can't wait to have this conversation next week after floyd mayweather embarrasses logan paul if so we can see the difference so so cause i don't think he understands boxing boxing i think watch really put the gloves on go in there and knock somebody up what you mean yes that's what everybody wanted to do right listen i understand i understand there's a science to this all day long you understand but if you go in there and you can knock somebody the [ __ ] out that's what happened no you would swing at floyd mayweather and he would in in the floyd it would be in super slow motion and you would see floyd laughing as you swung some big wild punch and then he wouldn't be a while connection why can't it be official punch why did you don't know how to do an official punch what are you talking to in a boxing ring it's a difference i'm not what am i different ain't got nothing to do with nothing you're telling me that i can't officially throw a punch the right way no no no what's wrong with y'all not at floyd mayweather not a floyd mayweather i don't give a kid what y'all talking about right now when you see how he makes logan paul look on saturday you can't wait it's saturday sunday saturday you can't even [ __ ] the right way how the hell are you gonna box it right away let's be honest bro well she told me i ain't know how to [ __ ] [ __ ] i was like what the [ __ ] is going on [ __ ] i'm like that's a what you know girls have balls yeah the [ __ ] are they ovaries that's not what she said right that's what i heard she said the balls she said the balls fill up and that's why girls get to squirt it fill up so much it didn't burst and that's why it squirts oh man what who would you have on wrestling you know i'm telling you samaya they smile no that's not what yeah so i might have [Laughter] yo what was that it had the two balls right here and it had the [ __ ] right here okay so it's that's just a little dick you were talking to somebody that's a little dick no she showed us the thing all right no but i was like that was no she's showing us the clitoris then what's the two things on the side lips no hell no what i mean i don't want you to pay attention in sex you know they teaching the little first graders how to masturbate yeah that was unbelievable i don't like that that's not cool we can talk about it what's your church announcements um i'm teaching a masturbation class for first graders it'll be up on patreon. no uh yo the infamous store man get your tickets to the andrews.com get your tickets right now uh we'll be in orlando this weekend uh thank god they thank you so much that's all sold out st louis sold out i think san antonio might be sold out maybe there's some tickets go check it but deandressault.com check out all the dates and those are the dates they're gonna be from here into the new year so if you want to come see me uh before 2021 is over make sure you pop into one of those dates before the tickets are gone thank you guys for selling out all the shows that you sold out already man go keep doing that yeah i'll see you in orlando [Music] mine is simple uh go to blackaffect.com you know make sure you subscribe to all the podcasts on the black effect podcast network um tamika mallory state of emergency how to win in the country we built is out right now it is amazing doing amazing thank you to everybody that's uh grabbed the copy anita kopack's shallow waters will be out august 3rd that is a young adult fiction book that's coming out on black privilege publishing so i'll be exhausting y'all talking about that uh a lot real soon and um my audiobook uh on audible we've got answers you know it's free with the audible membership just look it up charlemagne to god we've got answers okay uh now let's get back to the show yes i don't think first graders should be getting taught about masturbation never i agree i was not thinking about masturbation in first grade can you give the context to this i don't even know what the context is i just know that it's a school that was teaching first graders about masturbation as a parent i first of all want to give consent in order for my child to learn about those things yes right so it should be a form that comes home to say hey this is what we want to teach your child about field trip yes can you do do you agree if i don't agree then they don't teach my child about it they did that when we were in school really that's what i'm saying field trip sex ed you had to get the paperwork signed i remember watching kids when i was in middle school oh yeah i was wild yeah it's my neighborhood really yeah the teacher let us watch cheese i used to see some of those guys like black kid in there he's dead r.i.p something hunter i think his name is we was just a skater he'd be in the neighborhood kids you talking about the movie right yeah yeah with casper and all of them they let us watch that in middle school but i think that was like some summer school [ __ ] but your parents always tell you not to masturbate period that's just that's like this this is never told me anything about masturbation but i know the first time that i masturbated to completion i told my father but that's that's something you always supposed to hide like you can't let people know that's what you do yeah i mean the only thing that you should be telling kids i'm reading right now parents at nyc schools are furious that this masturbation education videos being shown in first grade amanda steele's comment how is there even time in the curriculum listen um the only thing you should teach kids about masturbation is don't do it in public well that's what don't do it what that there's not enough time i think she was making a joke at the end a listener called up though today and said that they she thinks that it's okay to tell or just like what you just said um don't do it in public because she said that she's a teacher and says in class or they'll go to the that she bathroom masturbate you know because they don't know anybody no but isn't that the beauty of life though when you're that young that you don't have any shame like you don't even know what you're supposed to be ashamed about it should be pissed me off you know what i mean so what's up with the dudes in the train they just be jerking off on the train really bothering me man like you don't do that let go let it go let them feel let them feel uncomfortable let them do things that are silly and you're a teacher it's your responsibility you can tell them not to do something or maybe you do something privately but you don't need to teach them how to do something some of these kids aren't doing anything and then we feel like so much responsibility to like go on and educate the youth about everything in the world they're innocent we're the [ __ ] up ones that's right stop putting your [ __ ] up [ __ ] on them give them some time well actually saying earlier when he's at one of these parties he likes hanging out with the kids because they don't lie at all adults lie they lie to you [ __ ] up [ __ ] and what we're trying to do is we're trying to like almost teach our kids how to lie stop putting your [ __ ] up [ __ ] on the kids they're fine they're innocent if a kid makes a [ __ ] up joke to another kid he doesn't know it's wrong that's right he doesn't know if a kid calls another kid fat he's not doing it to be mean if they're young young really that you taught him you taught that kid that's right but if your kid is fat maybe the parents need to stop feeding your [ __ ] kids to make them so fat it's not the other kid's fault it's your fault if you if you're fat at 25 that's on you if you're fat at six your parents [ __ ] up yeah parents so the adults constantly [ __ ] up the kids and for some reason we're putting a responsibility in adults who don't even care about the kids to make them better the kids are good leave them the [ __ ] alone let them be kids drives me crazy when i wasn't first taken off as a devil huh understand that's what all parents used to tell me jerking off of the devil i never heard that my parents never told me anything about that that's what i'm saying they don't know why you don't do it my mom and dad have never had conversations with me about masturbation nor did they ever teach me how to masturbate i didn't start masturbating till i was a teenager i started masturbating after i had sex they're not safe the girl i was with was like i was in love with her and you know we weren't together no more so i was and i actually remember jacking off thinking to myself like man look what she's making me do like why am i like why do i have to jack off you drinking out without porn on your knees yeah i didn't use porn until like late in life over here pencils bro use your [ __ ] music you don't have magazines or i didn't need it i had everything right here i never dried jerky also i don't like jerking off with my eyes open i don't like looking down and seeing me jerk off i get that that's just weird yo if you look in the mirror you will never take off again that's arrogant that's how narcissistic you are yo i'm killing it right now i'll be looking down like this how it looks [Laughter] if you could look in the mirror or jerk off to the same porn twice you'll kill her why are you looking in the mirror though that's true making me make sure i never do it again see how silly oh you said to make sure i thought you said jokingly being off this game he's looking at himself yeah that's why he's never doing this he's looking at himself that is you know sometimes that's why dudes are dating dudes that look just like them i'm like you arrogant the [ __ ] is wrong with y'all like which that don't make no sense let's try something new and i should have did it because now i don't ever want to drink off again it looks so stupid i often wonder i often wonder if i had never um gotten molested when would i have started thinking about sex i don't know why you had to make it all about that but we was having so much fun talking about jerky talking about corruption you need to bust twice you're a serial killer yes you are no no that's not you gotta have your favorites no no watching it guys no [Music] seriously can thinking about it yeah mine was too early too because you used to get molested yeah no i was humbling the [ __ ] out of this teddy bear i had a big ass teddy bear and i was giving that teddy bear the work at what age oh no maybe eight but teddy was the only guys teddy bears only guys back in the day teddy bears wasn't a girl what are you talking about they never made a girls teddy bear they had a daddy girl teddy bear they had a bunch of girl care bears where man you are a teddy bear is a boy right say what you never had a girl teddy why is that teddy bear a boy teddy bear care bear teddy bear cat bear's betty is a boy teddy's not a boy teddy's who teddy says with tenderilla no he's a dude yo teddy bears are if it could just be a stuffed animal we don't got to be a teddy bear yeah teddy bear is really named after theodore roosevelt so it is that it is the president it is based on so according to kidshouse.org i'm sorry you did you just interrupt fun are we having too much fun you interrupting fun wait a minute at least read it get it get is yet yeah oh yeah it's starting to come really they're starting to grow ready and the balls too according to wax podcast and everything else so keep coming now you find out you got a dick anyways anyways uh children five to nine start masturbating children are five foot nine five to nine like the age five tonight let me explain what this is this is not i don't like the use of masturbation it what it is is touching yourself exactly they're like touch themselves and rub their [ __ ] up against yes you know i mean this is calm it's common because it feels good it's a sensation they'll do it right but that doesn't mean they're actively trying to jerk off you just feel a good thing and then yeah you got you got to wipe off you gotta do this when you go in the bathroom after you finish i don't even think you can come that young say what you can't come next yeah you can't come that young yeah you ain't got balls yeah your balls are good but y'all can't you okay i could calm that young i was coming young no young age but i know i was younger i was younger i was younger i'm okay with a young age it's a young what's a young age i was like seven or eight i was just six months i was about five or six yo you were [ __ ] going on marion you were old but compared to everyone i don't know i just knew that felt good and i would jesus i was coming or not but i i felt like come on yo why you this is weird yo go watch that [ __ ] you you need that taylor that they gotta bring that i can't believe this taylor what does your mom know about this say what have you gotten caught hell no you get caught by your mama you don't care seven years old playing with their lower marriages listen if you ever get caught by your parents you probably get you probably get caught in going to jail there's a lot of i know a lot of people that was that age doing that i didn't start mathematics teenage stuff but i didn't know what sex was nothing like that did you grow up in the church or something i don't know the catholic church they'd be stupid this is crazy what it's true i remember reading this in chelsea handler book she said she used to do it when she was mad young but she used to do it in public so somebody had to tell her to stop doing her parents used to act like they didn't see her at first and then somebody had to tell her to stop doing it that's why i say the only thing you got to tell kids is not to do it in public because they don't know what they're doing is wrong yeah and it's not wrong let me take that back it's not wrong but you know inappropriate inappropriate devil exactly you don't touch that what are you doing relax and then especially boys what if you tell them that it's the devil and then they start getting boners and they're like oh my god the devil possessed me ordered mom the devil the jerk i mean we did we know what it meant i'm saying we just like yo that mean don't jerk off who want to get caught jerking off anyway i don't know how you get caught this is the stupidest thing that's the dumbest thing in the world lock on the door go jerk off in the bathroom like everybody else pants like you lock your door in the bathroom in the bathroom you can't lock the bathroom door you masturbate i used to do two a days i get home from work down work i get home from school jerk off relax a little bit take a [ __ ] jerk off again no you did two days two days around my thighs and butt cheeks you're a wild guy for real you must have been on the toilet two times a day you can have two-time jerk jerk off [ __ ] jerk off again all one second they have nothing to [ __ ] do for the rest of the day after you get home from school you have nothing to do with the cold grass you want to do a [ __ ] bro cut grass i grew up in manhattan they know grasses cut that's what i'm saying i thought you were able to jerk off yeah i was jerking off like non-stop i didn't have chores i need your help i need you to love yourself man say what love yourself why y'all smoking yourselves out i was loving me you just going to the bathroom and just no man make love to yourself no man hell no yes man put it make sense you still you still got to meet in your hand you got to think about that you you got to have a drink before you think like because you know you've never finished a tub of vaseline like that [ __ ] i've never jerked off with vaseline i tried it once i think it's stupid no you gotta smash the vaseline jar you gotta smash it put your meat in there that's exactly what he says i bet he's way better for that bro you're way better than what you're gonna grab me to put in your hands yeah but later i'm gonna do that they need to teach masturbation in first grade i think we should have been there for the course i think we missed out can we get one of the teachers from the school to come on yeah you might be there i learned some other [ __ ] this week man what else stop i'm smashing vaseline jars yeah he stopped doing that after he or before he met carla yeah that's cool yeah um the 20 year old girl on only fans they have a new challenge on only fans where they eat a scoop of workout powder with no water similar to the cinnamon challenge lady had a heart attack yeah some sounds no no she didn't die she had a heart attack though yeah that's one slow down yes at 20 years old doing that [ __ ] stupid ass can't breathe i just don't understand the point yeah when i do things i have to ask myself why yeah what is the why of taking a spoonful of workout going viral with no water bro how about let's uh focus on the let's see how long we can live challenge you know what i mean stay healthy like to stay healthy challenged physically mentally spiritually emotionally let's grow old people yeah like you can't be 20 years old have a grandkids challenge yes have grandkids child what happens when you die about something over something like this yeah that's what people are willing to do though how to be stupid challenged i know god is like backing people away from heaven at this point it's got to be like a limbo for people who die like this because you you haven't done enough to get through the pearly gates yeah right yeah and satan is like well they didn't really sin they just was stupid yeah but we don't want them here either so it's kind of like you're just hanging out your guy got dms you know the side dms or the side deals he ain't checking those [ __ ] let me in let me in let me in it's just like no bro like it's just stupid what did you think of kyrie disrespect let's get into some other things you won't care about next week what do you think of kyrie irving disrespecting the celtics logo i expected it i also think it's good fodder i mean he's just kind of like an emotional dude so i see him doing something like that but like he's also the type of guy who's like i mean we're just playing basketball this is a game at the end of the day and like let's not take this too seriously and blah blah and then he stepped on an imaginary mascot so it's like is it a game to you too like what is it like i love the wrestling of it because it gets people all charged up and excited and the fans are gonna go crazy blah blah blah but i find him to be a little bit hypocritical because he can't act like he's over all the trash talk and then go and step on the mascot it's just a little interesting interesting thing um i mean it's disrespectful but that was the point he meant to disrespect he meant he clearly meant to disrespect um also i think you know kyrie just i think kyrie should just be cognizant of other people's triggers just like he wants people to be aware of his you know what i mean that's all yeah just be aware of other people's triggers like you knew that was going to trigger somebody that's what i mean that's why he did it so just be aware of of other people's triggers i think that you know you know we've seen kyrie take breaks for his mental health um which he has every right to do but just be aware of other people's triggers because sometimes we do unintentionally trigger people and we don't think about it to him it's just like i'm gonna do this on the celtics logo we sending them home anyway you know what i mean so i'm gonna disrespect him and just be aware of other people's triggers that's all we pulled up on somebody when we they played football somebody stumped all over our logo and we went to union they packed up in cars and went to go fight them just for that that's really disrespectful yeah i thought the fan was the stupidest guy what to throw the water on the water bottle because it's not the fan's job to defend the logo with the team yeah you know they're all in one everybody's one sort of but your team's getting their ass busted that should have motivated themselves when they got when they got sent home monday night tuesday night i don't remember like that should have motivated them to come out there and bust the [ __ ] nuts ass at least get one more game for them disrespecting your logo and then make them come back to the garden and let the fans go crazy boring them and all types of [ __ ] but you know that's that's my thing it's just like it's not the fans job you know what else i was thinking too what's that was ryan i touched wrong no in hindsight nope not at all there's [ __ ] if you spit on me dude yeah come on that's different y'all that's assault you go to jail for that that's assault and we all know what type of spit it was you know what i'm saying yeah come on come on come on come on come in there or you know what i'm saying snot why would they have something i don't know uh [ __ ] we won't care about next week quick let me suck your dick i gotta spit on something i don't think [Laughter] oh who said that before [Laughter] it's so crazy matter of fact let's pay some bills man all right bet let's pay some bills then we come back with uh some asking idiots all right guys we could take a break for a second because some of you guys might be carrying a credit card balance month after month okay and you're not the only ones high interest rates make it hard to pay off your debt but upstart can help you with that join the thousands of happy borrowers who made that final payment upstart is the fast and easy way to pay off your debt with a personal loan all online okay whether it's paying off credit cards consolidating high interest debt or funding personal expenses over half a million people have used upstart to get a simple fixed monthly payment unlike other lenders upstart looks at more than just your credit score like your income and employment history this means that they can offer smarter rates with the trusted partners with a five minute online rate check you can see your rate up front for loans between 1 000 to 50 000 okay you can receive funds as fast as one business day after accepting your loan all right now right now you can find out how upstart can lower your monthly payments yours lower your monthly payments today when you go to upstart.com idiots that's upstart.com idiots don't forget to use our url to let them know we sent you okay one let me tell you something one loan amounts will be determined based on your credit income and certain other information provided in your loan application all right so go to upstart.com idiots go get your loan consolidate that debt and pay that thing off so you can be financially free now let's get back to the show financial freedom is our only hope let's go i'm beyond john no [ __ ] about uh stocks but boy that amc stock jumping i'm so glad man humming and that's the the craziest part is knowing i guess when to take your money out i told you i took out my initial investment but now i'm looking at this money and i'm like do i just take it now do i you know what i mean you believe in it i do believe in it but it's like yeah it might go crazy if you maybe jump up this fast it's going crazy i think the highest it's ever been is 35 that [ __ ] is at like 45 right now there's a very famous uh investor his name is bernard baruch he's the guy who broke uh college is named after like this bunch of baruch things here and he said uh i made a fortune selling too soon a lot of people go oh you don't want to sell too soon you don't want to sell too soon they act like that's a bad thing i made a fortune selling too soon yeah because the opposite is selling too late you know you lose a fortune it's all too late so if you want to take your better know when it's got no way exactly there's no way you're going to predict the exact height so as long as you take your money out you make some you'll have other things to invest in in the future 100 it's just like knowing when to pull out when a girl like everybody goes all the way to that last then we pull right out nobody's pulling out too soon nobody got pregnant right why should we listen to you you don't know how to have sex so says the sex therapist that's a good point i mean i know how to pull out but i just don't know how to like we had three girls pregnant at once bro i thought i pulled out you had three girls pregnant at once i was on purpose i want i wanted 20. if i have 20 girls at those two weeks that i was thinking like that if those two have had 20 girls who came i would have pregnant all 20 of them girls why are you thinking about that i have no idea i was just like in my life that that time didn't have anything going on for yourself i did i actually did i was playing ball and i just like yo i'm playing ball and i know i'm gonna make a lot of money you want to turn your back on and i was like yo i'm about to have a bunch of bunch of kids and all the guys that i was around everybody was just like nothing and everybody was like a free frog all the guys that she was around i was nothing no i'm just saying it was nothing a bunch of girls it was just like a bunch of wild [ __ ] happened in miami i only see how y'all survived man you okay all right yes let's do some asking idiots taylor let's go knock on one wants to know schultz yup what do you feel about bonnets how do i feel about bonnets what's the bonnet is that the uh nick cannon [ __ ] don't act like you know a black woman that's determined bonnet is what they put on when they go to sleep yes yeah i keep our hair yeah uh you use one every night no not every night so is it like a do-rag for a girl yeah we wear a bonnet and stuff i guess i'll wear a bonnet that's fire but you didn't ask the full question no taylor like that's the whole question monique was saying that you shouldn't wear that type of stuff in public yeah why not like if you're going to the airport stuff like that why not maybe girls i kind of look maybe i'm weird black woman is presentable it's not presentable that's right but that's how i would i was gonna i don't think she would do that i wouldn't want my girl doing that what a hair bonnet even if you know she's going to the airport maybe if she going to maybe i don't know the grocery store i don't know how i look at it can i see what it looks like like it's like a ham on it it's like you're going to bed and i was flying somewhere i put my hair on it on but can i see what it looks like if she now she in a chair but she walking through the airport maybe a little different i don't see the problem what's the issue actually if it's early in the morning show me a hairball hair bonnet oh yeah yeah you can't wear that too like that shower this is how it was on yesterday [Laughter] jamaicans dude i thought this was different i thought it was the tight one the one that's like wrapped super tight but i don't know how jamaicans wear but you're making men with long dreadlocks they wear bonnets alex type in dreadlocks and dreadlock in a bonnet and see what's up or yeah donovan put your hair in your bonnet say that [ __ ] happens wearing a barnett that's a male body that's a male 1 look look at the look at the set come on man look at the dude in the blue sleep cap saddle in a sleep cat yeah look at dude wasn't everybody clowning that girl no we on the plane that she do it that's cool hold on what you know the guy who cheated he got coaching and then his girl came out and she was like we have a bonnet right sitting next to him was everybody crowned with that clown ass dude loser yeah that clown that clown [ __ ] and people were clowning shorty because she had a bonnet on in the video yeah yeah you're right i mean different contexts different circumstances you see that young lady in the airport you mind in your business you know what i'm saying she's at the airport with that on you not white people have no [ __ ] clue like what black people wear their hair ass like black people it's like you can have short hair taylor all of a sudden has dreads out of nowhere like we don't even know so like like the idea that we could be like oh that's an appropriate like we don't care like whatever you do that's fine we do it's cool we'll try to do it it looks weird and then that's it so you guys get to decide what's appropriate or not but white people aren't going is she wearing a bonnet on the airplane i don't even think about it i'll be minding my business now one thing we'll need to say that i agree with the pajamas i think pajamas pajamas is wild to be at the airport do you see what people wear out like have you been to a club they wear bikinis out like th wear pajamas please wear pajamas i hope my daughter wears some [ __ ] pajamas before she wears these outfits these girls wear pajamas to the club wear pajamas everywhere yes of course everybody mind their [ __ ] business you don't know why she got the bonding on that one he might have a bald spot you might have a bald spot yeah [Laughter] alopecia let me see that no these guys it's cause the dreads are weighing down too much it's pulling your hair apart yes i guess why not buzz it up why do you do that just buzz your hair then you just don't say you don't tell black people to do with their hair i'm not don't let him tell you what to do with your body okay your body your choice wax all right stupid if you look with dreads in a bald spot no crazy dumb bro what are you talking man that's about you got full long dreads and you got a bald spot up there that's nuts yo that's nuts if what hey what if i had some long ass hair and then just the middle was missing how many people are knowing white people like that yeah plenty and you all think they're crazy no no looking i was like oh okay if a white man with a [ __ ] long ass hair and a bald spot in the middle walks into a crowded area with a backpack i feel like you don't want to let it go yes you don't let it go you don't want to let it go that's what you guys are thinking so i'm a little bit more prejudiced to my own people than you all are if a white man without a haircut with a backpack walks into a crowded area i'm jumping on that [ __ ] so hold up so what's your name guys what do you mean the opposite bow um bowl cut the opposite bowl cut yeah it's you know the bowl cup you have the all the sides done but now it just got the middle gone and the middle gone yeah any you see a white guy that looks like he doesn't care about his hair at all that's cause of concern then honestly that's on you with the hair on the edges is done right though like it might have the ball but everything else is gelled nice and neat brush down i don't trust that guy no no it's different with you something's off i don't trust the comb over guys no the commonwealth guys i trust no no no no the guys that got the ball but they try to take some hair from this side i don't trust that guy i know i don't trust that you're trying to work at the bank or a car lot guys i trust them they care about the way they look they're trying to fight for it they want to be here they want to be here for tomorrow right they're going i don't want my hair to i want to keep as much of my hair on top of my head as possible because i like this life i'm going to keep it going the [ __ ] just stop doing their hair yeah the white people just don't care about the outfit or nothing like that you should walk up to white men would come over and say you ghetto yo you know what i'm saying and you don't even have to be stuck they do not like being called ghetto we called this white person ghetto in mexico because he was fighting and my friend's like you mean little ghettos he's i'm not no ghetto or not exactly yo stop stop backing so ghetto would you like i don't i don't mind i never i never got that before if i said get away so tell me what ghetto is not ghetto yeah i don't think i don't think brax is ghetto tell me what gato is i don't know bro my girl's at home wax presents ghetto he's not home don't disrespect people in the ghetto yo people together with tim's way better than that they keep them way cleaner than that my girl your tim's a disaster yo you took that homeless man's socks yo that's what he didn't tell us you took that homeless hill you took that homeless call her please man please please i dress myself every day now get him some they just got a second shot [Laughter] yeah them [ __ ] look like they do like a comb over fero listen i'm not gonna go shopping for myself when i do go to target and just go in the dressing room you should have gave those to the homeless guy and the socks the whole thing get the whole outfit you got a little white guy why are you wearing white dude's tim's right what's going on man i don't know man she's not here y'all so i'll just play [ __ ] paula please please carla move up we need you please this guy's looking crazy right now give us another asking idiot taylor i [Laughter] stop [ __ ] you're gonna walk around with me all day and then [ __ ] the [ __ ] out of me at night if she'll tell you how soon she got i'm sure she gonna probably put up in here like i just got them [ __ ] i just hey yo yo tim's need a mental health break yo they already know come on they are exhausted bro oh my god yelling at him trying to wake him up that's the most comfortable though what they like that i love them like that i'm not gonna lie yeah for him that's why i always [ __ ] up very uncomfortable [Laughter] it was an asking idiot just truly embarrassing um i kind of wanna know this though they someone shane oh max says what does oink oink shower time mean oh that's an old yeah that's an old school let me tell you that yeah tim you gotta come back around to that the overton windows on that's still up yeah yeah okay talk about that ten years from now sorry okay um i want people to think about all this stuff ten years from now when we really old and don't really give a [ __ ] no more [Laughter] if you could share one life hack with your children future children what would it be one life hack i mean when you got kids everything is a life hack because you know if you're a certain age you've lived so you've had experiences that they don't have yet you know what i'm saying you've learned that things that they have yet to learn so it's really a cheat code that's why i always tell kids listen to your eldest you know what i mean like it's it's a it's a it's a cheat code like it's a shortcut to victory all you got to do is listen to those who came before you by the way it don't even always have to be elders just listen to those who came before you and i'm not saying do exactly what it is that they do let's listen just listen yeah the chico don't shy away from the bad things too no no no i got you actually made me you got to the bad things that made me at least know what not to do same you know what i'm saying so you need the bad things too i'm happy i grew up in the hood because i seen both sides i've seen me growing up in a church and i see me actually growing up in the hood and i seen both sides so i adapted both i knew what not to do and what to do amen um mr does want to know can you learn to become an alpha male or is it something you were just born with i don't even know what the [ __ ] that means i think it's something you're born with i'm saying you're not alpha male 1 guarantee i'm a protector it's like yeah but you're dead but you're protected with that what's the definition of alpha male awful alpha male 1 i would say i i say i'm alpha matter with the second who can handle that handle that i get all the big [ __ ] you know what i'm saying we're just born that [ __ ] right there came alive y'all all right you would too no i won't if that [ __ ] come alive and you don't run something wrong with you i'm wrong whatever it came alive but instead of speaking it's just like [Laughter] sitting right next to him though yeah what if that [ __ ] comes off and it's a rat face yeah it's inside doing the whole i don't care about the rat face it's about the small [ __ ] that i think is gonna go up on my [ __ ] pants leg and i can't take it i can't take it yo what's the definition of alpha male 1 it says a dominant [Music] [Music] [Laughter] mouse run up your leg bro that [ __ ] i would pay to see wax dance you ain't never saw whack dance imagine a rat running up them goddamn tim's and going up them tight yoga pants wow so funny so it says a dominant male animal in a particular group dominant male what animal animal yeah in a particular when i say alpha male i just type in alpha males it's an animal definitely alpha male no they relate it to uh animal more yeah i don't know alpha male i gotta say alpha male don't run from mice bro i don't think that's all it's about i'm saying i mean technically a man tending to assume a dominant or domineering role in social or professional situation yeah so what type could be an alpha male yeah if you're a power top in a relationship yeah huh yes yeah yeah yeah so all right next question do you have any listen wax can be a dominant male power top power if in a group of animals unless a mouse is in the room and then you're a beta that's right you're a beta too nice you're a bottom to mice yeah you're mickey mouse's bottom yeah you really are you're minnie we're going to call you minnie minnie got way more dominance in the bedroom you think so yeah she was swinging that thing yeah you goofy bro yeah i didn't find that i don't know how to have sex so you might be right you said what i just found out i don't know how to smash okay give us one more um she banks wants to know where do you see brilliance in five years don't know man i mean it depends on his amc stock yeah cheryl might not be here next year no i mean listen i like i like doing brilliant it's therapeutic you know i mean i like coming here and just kicking the [ __ ] you know i just missed the days and we could just kick the [ __ ] without [ __ ] all in our goddamn bedroom okay this [ __ ] we kicking is for us yo i wonder if we get to do that one of these days like in the future like we can find a way yeah let me not put that out there just yet but this is cool to like just have some [ __ ] that you could just maybe we just need to have this live show yes with no phones no nothing and let's just have a you know let it rip and let that guy come alive and by the way people evolve we all grow it's nothing like i'm you know we're not saying it's just that it's the scrutiny is stupid like you get tired of explaining every [ __ ] thing man yeah yeah you know what i realized like people evolve in their behavior but not in their sense of humor like i'm the same that's real because it's juvenile as [ __ ] i like juvenile love it dark you know you want to train the wrath to go up wax's leg that's funny that's that's hilarious yeah but i don't want to put dude on nobody maybe i'll put some dude you know what yo i seen that pico listen you know what's funny that dude had a pea coat and i promise it took me right to that guy the cold i put the doo-doo in yeah that peacoat i'm what the [ __ ] you throwing the pico you know how old that picot is bro yeah with [ __ ] socks on i got little kids too so like my oldest is about to be 13. right and then i got five and two are they playing pranks on you all all day all day long and it's like did they do something to your shaving cream my oldest daughter no but my oldest daughter is at the age where she just laughs at us yeah yeah and i'm at the point where i'm about when she turned 13 i'm like what the [ __ ] is you laughing what's so funny just be laughing like everything's a joke we just joking to you are we clowns huh mom and daddy's just joking you're just two jokey individuals do you huh you're just fine that's funny yeah oh yeah yeah everything i mean like my obnoxious ass laugh at people what is so funny you don't know what's going on you trying to pronounce the old the young woman i don't even know oh she corrected me it's like it's just i'm tired it's really a new language you have no power in your house when you when you're a man and you got three daughters and a wife there's no you have no power you got it you got a girl area you don't have no you don't get no saying nothing you just dare oh y'all punching back you said what y'all all baited yeah we're better than that i don't know what it is i'm a daddy and a husband i don't know it's whatever like punching bags hey bro we could be baiters in the house that's fine what's the date of the fish yep yep goldfish and i get pumped from top to bottom yeah beta is short for masturbator yeah yeah yeah yeah that was something like that i get i get punk from top to bottom oldest daughter youngest dog youngest daughter's two telling me what not to say and what not how not to talk to them yeah all right man no okay what am i supposed to do here i'm gonna go sit on the porch i get punk too that's what i do i go sit on the porch i'm gonna get a dog yeah you gotta get the dog no a listen when you get upset you could curse the dog out and talk to the dog i don't wanna curse the dog out neither yes you will i'm telling you it's gonna help me to pay attention to him and love him he will i don't know he wants but during the training he gonna just [ __ ] on your foot what the [ __ ] and then you get to let it out i'm telling you he's [ __ ] on these tongues that explain it explains it all right guys i think we did it did we do it we did it bro all right as always if you listen to this podcast you think we're smart you think we're intelligent you think we're brilliant you're absolutely right but if you listen to this podcast and you think we're just a couple idiots who don't know [ __ ] you're right too it's the brilliant idiots podcast thank you for listening [Music] you

Channel: Brilliant Idiots

Views: 295,086

Keywords: andrew schulz, andrew schultz, comedy, comedian, stand up, brilliant idiots, flagrant 2, sports, entertainment, pop culture, commentary, comedy club, near me, jokes, charlamagne, charlemange, breakfast club, interviews, wax, paige, taylor, alexx, alexxmedia

Id: YkG5qFw2LjY

Length: 90min 37sec (5437 seconds)

Published: Fri Jun 04 2021