Marriage and Divorce: Matthew 5:31-32

[Music] please open your Bibles to the Gospel of Matthew chapter 5 we're only looking at two verses here tonight because we're making our way through the Sermon on the Mount and we're sort of taking it piece by piece so remember put it in your mind that Jesus sat on a hillside sloping up from the Sea of Galilee on the northern side of the Sea of Galilee there's the grass all around and some flowers and he's speaking to a group of disciples now these are disciples in the broader sense of disciples not just the twelve ten twelve no not just the twelve but maybe a couple hundred of people who are interested to hear what Jesus has to say about what his kingdom is all about what it means to be a citizen in his kingdom he's announcing the revolution of the kingdom of God and he began with a section that we call the Beatitudes and then he talked about persecution he talked about being a light in the world and then he started on an extended section where he's going to correct people's misunderstandings about the Bible and what it says about how we should live so he talked about the law against murder you've heard it said you shall not murder but you only applied that to actually committing murder which we all understand is bad but it also refers to hatred in the heart Jesus told us that and then last week we saw in the section we went through in the Sermon on the Mount that you heard it said that you shouldn't commit adultery but God isn't concerned only about the actual act of adultery but he's concerned about having purity in our heart as well so now in the section where Jesus is challenging what they heard or understood about God's commands God's law now we come to verses 31 and 32 furthermore it has been whoever divorces his wife let him give her a certificate of divorce but I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery what we're talking about in this section is what God's law says about divorce and of course you can't talk about divorce without talking about marriage as well this is a heavy thing to stand in front of people and talk about because you meet a lot of people whose lives have been profound 'add profoundly affected by a bad marriage and divorce and there's a sense when I talk to people who have gone through this in their life there's a sense in which every story is the same and every story is different all at the same time and you talk about the pain that some people have lived with because of a broken marriage you realize that a message like this you're going to be pressing on some very tender spots in people's hearts so I pray that as we take a look at this here tonight that God will give me the grace and that the Holy Spirit will help you to hear what the Lord would have to say to you tonight about what Jesus said about divorce and marriage let me begin with this this simple thought that among the Jews of Jesus's day marriage was considered to be a sacred duty if you were a unmarried man and you reached 20 years old in jesus's day they thought you get married or you're in sin they took God's command in Genesis chapter 1 verse 28 where he said be fruitful and multiply they regarded that as an absolute command that men needed to find a woman to marry and have a family so it's said that in Hebrew and I'm not an expert so I can't really verify it's just one of those things I read in a book somewhere they say that in the ancient Hebrew language there is no word for bachelor they don't have the word because nobody was supposed to be a bachelor it was a strong ethic that you had to get married now what I want to understand is that Christianity brought into the world the idea that singleness is also a calling of God and that in some cases singleness is to be preferred over being married for fulfilling the will of God in your life ancient Judaism had the idea that no know if you were righteous you had to be married but that's not Christianity the New Testament teaches us that God has a gift and a calling and a purpose for people in their singleness whether they're singleness is for their life or just you know for a season of their life that God has that for them the reason why I want to stress that is I always imagined when I speak on a subject like this that if somebody's single they're saying well I'm just gonna play around on my smartphone for a little while and if I ever get married and need to deal with something like this then I'll look up the message online or something like that no this is the Word of God we should all be interested in what it has to say but but it's also important to know that Jesus has something important and good for people even in their singleness and that even though in the church and in the Bible we talk a lot about marriage we talk a lot about family I think that's okay we never want anybody to think that because they're single there's somehow second-class citizens in God's kingdom or excluded from the fullness of what God has for them but whenever anybody starts making you feel that way or you start thinking it yourself can I just give you a piece of advice remember that the guy who said this was a thirty year old single man so obviously God doesn't look down upon the single state now having understood that we understand that in theory the Jews of that day had a high ideal of marriage yet they had what we would consider a love view of women according to the scholar F F Bruce they said quote the Jews had a very low view of women a wife was bought regarded as property used as a household servant and dismissed at pleasure now this low view of women meant that their high view of marriage was constantly compromised and those compromises were usually made to favor the position and the power of men in the marriage and in society in other words men were in the position where they could do whatever they want in a marriage and a wife had to go along with whatever the husband said at any time they used that thinking to shape their interpretation of the Old Testament law regarding divorce now this is exactly what Jesus is speaking about here in Matthew chapter 5 verse 31 look at 5:31 again it says there whoever divorces his wife let him give her a certificate of divorce now when Jesus says that phrase he's quoting directly from the Old Testament from Deuteronomy chapter 24 verse 1 it says this quote when a man takes a wife and marries her and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some uncleanness in her and he writes her a certificate of divorce puts it in her hand and sends her out of the house it says that's what he used to do now once you notice something if you look at Deuteronomy chapter 24 verse 1 the whole issue centers around one word in that verse and it's the word uncleanness here the law of Moses gave a man the permission to divorce his wife if he found some uncleanness in her what questions what's uncleanness mean in this context well there was one way of thinking voiced by a prominent rabbi named Shama this understood that uncleanness in Deuteronomy 24:1 meant sexual immorality and that was the only valid reason for divorce under the law of Moses there was another way of thinking however the other way of thinking was voiced by another prominent rabbi named Hillel this understood uncleanness to mean anything that displeased the husband in their thinking there were many valid reasons why a husband might divorce his wife for example and this is from the writings of these ancient rabbis you ready for this for example it was valid for a husband to divorce his wife if she cooked a bad dinner it was valid for a husband to divorce his wife if she spoke to another man in the street it was valid for a husband to divorce his wife if she spoke disrespectfully of his parents in his presence it was valid for a husband to divorce his wife if she spoke in an argumentative way that could be heard next door and and to me this is the the biggest one it was considered valid for a husband to divorce his wife if he found someone else prettier who pleased him better that's it so do you see what I mean under one way of thinking unclean this meant sexual immorality under another way of thinking unclean this meant anything that displeased the husband and under the second thinking they said that it was a religious duty to divorce a bad wife according to William Barclay the rabbi's had a lot of sayings about bad marriages in the bad wife including this they said that a man with a bad wife would never face hell because he had already paid for his sins on earth I didn't say that I'm just I'm just the messenger on that one now again they thought it was a duty to divorce what they considered to be a bad wife so do you have the picture here in Jesus's day among the rabbi's one way said no divorce is only valid for sexual immorality the other one said no divorce is valid for anything that displeases the husband and I have a question for you you don't even have to be a Bible scholar to answer this question just put on your thinking cap among the men of Jesus's day which view was more popular that's not a difficult question is it the answer is pretty plain the men liked the approach that said I can divorce my wife for any reason I want to for anything that displeases me and you can imagine how this victimized women and made for so much brokenness and destruction in the family so with that in mind look at what Jesus said he says furthermore it has been said whoever get divorces his wife let him give her a certificate of divorce now verse 32 but I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery what did Jesus say he said hey this business about divorcing your wife for any reason just because she displeases you because no that's not what God ever intended by the law in Deuteronomy 24:1 he says I'll tell you what that means he says uncleanness should be understood as sexual immorality it's not for a bad dinner it's not for argument it's not for finding a prettier woman it's for when the marital promises are so broken by infidelity and sexual immorality that it was believed that the marriage could not continue now allow me to make a few observations just now just based on what we've heard already number one Jesus believed in marriage he thought marriage was a good thing and he thought that marriages should stay together now I don't think anybody goes into a marriage with the idea well this will last three years and then we'll split up if you're thinking that way you probably won't even get married but what's far more common and increasingly common today is people don't get married they just live together ladies and gentlemen Jesus believed in marriage and he thought that if a man and a woman are going to live together as husband and wife they should be married according to the laws of God in the laws of the state Jesus believed in marriage and this is one of the several places where he affirms that belief now I I don't know most of you and your individual life situations so I please you don't take this as condemning or anything like that but let me just tell you and I tell you this in love if you're living together and not married you need to get that right before God again we don't have like a sin scanner at the door that that closes the gate or something you know and can we be thankful for that this might be a pretty empty room if we did have a sin scanner at the door so I don't know your particular life situations I'm just here to tell you that God believes in marriage and if you're living together but you're not married we want to help you get that right before God I'm not shaking an angry finger at you telling you what a terrible person you're I'm just saying you're missing God's best for your life you need to come into obedience to him and see God's blessing on your relationship let us help you make it right make an appointment with of our pastors our church office is open Monday through Thursday call the office drop on in make an appointment say you want to speak to a pastor and sit down and we'll talk about it we'll see what's going on in real life we'll see how biblical wisdom applies to it but I'm just giving you an exhortation as a pastor if you're living together let's get it right before God let's make it right before him so that's number one Jesus believed in marriage number two I would point out to say that Jesus did not believe in what sometimes is called open marriage that is a marriage where there's a husband and a wife but there's no expectation of sexual faithfulness in the marriage he's free to sleep around she's free to sleep around and it's all funked in believe in that Jesus said sexual immorality so injures a marital relationship that it is grounds for divorce it is entirely true that a husband and wife have the right to expect sexual faithfulness on the part of their spouse that is not an unreasonable or an oppressive expectation and as a connection to that Jesus believed that in God our sexual desires can be controlled look I don't think I'm revealing any big secrets here when I say it is entirely possible for a person to have sexual desire for someone who is not their husband or wife it's entirely possible well what does Jesus expect a person to do with that desire relying on the power of God and the work of the Holy Spirit he expects them to not give in to that desire and to say no to it this tells us that by the power of Jesus you and I we do not have to be slaves to our sexual passions and that is a word of freedom and liberty that we can proclaim to this world because we live in a world that is in absolute bondage and slavery to their own sexual desires that if the sexual inclination comes into my heart or my mind that I have to fulfill it with my body and Jesus says no I'll give you a power to stand against it and to overcome it ladies and gentlemen that's Liberty that's freedom in Jesus Christ and this is the power that Jesus offers to those who will rely upon him now with those kind of thoughts out of the way Jesus said in verse 32 whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality well what does sexual immorality mean let me note for you that the New Testament was originally written in an ancient form of the Greek language you've probably heard that before because pastors all say well in the original Greek well in the original Greek have you ever seen the Bible written in the original Greek look at it right here here is Matthew chapter 5 verses 31 and 32 our text today this is it in the Greek New Testament now you look at that and I know what you say you say it's all Greek to me and it is Greek to you and but but that's what the word say and you see the verses laid out there now full disclosure I'm by no means a Greek scholar and I know very little New Testament Greek I mean I'm kind of embarrassed to say that because you know maybe I should be more of a scholar that I know how to read the guys and study the guys who are the Greek scholars but but like I can't read and interpret that for you but I can tell you that the word that's highlighted there on the screen that is the ancient Greek word porneia and that ancient Greek word porneia is what we translate with two words sexual immorality now when you see that can immediately think Oh porneia pornography and of course there's a connection because pornography has to do with sexual matters and this is the word for sexual immorality pornea is a word in the New Testament that speaks of sexual sin in a broad sense basically sexual activity outside of the bond of marriage now it doesn't mean any and every sin that is connected to sex for example just last week we saw in Matthew chapter 5 verse 28 that if man looks upon a woman with lust in his heart he's committed adultery in his heart we saw that last week okay now follow with me can you imagine a woman saying to her husband you looked at that other woman lustfully you've committed adultery in your heart that's sexual immorality I'm divorcing you on biblical grounds what okay so Jesus isn't talking about that but I'm gonna try to say this as diplomatically as I can pornea includes sexual activity beyond the basic act of sexual intercourse it's a broad word not a narrow word so if people have sexual activity short of or outside of sexual intercourse that can still be pornea I'm a person who is enslaved to pornography or other forms of sexual stimulation that could be pornea now the New Testament speaks about this word porneia a lot there are many times in the New Testament where it lists sins and often times for example in Romans chapter 1 in Ephesians chapter 5 in Colossians chapter 3 many time the first sin listed in these lists of sin is sexual immorality or pornea or sometimes it's transit fornication and the basic idea is sex outside of the bond of marriage now why does the Bible talk about sexual immorality a lot it's not because there's some weird psychological hang-up on sexual sin in Christianity like everything is obsessed about sex no that's not the reason do you know why the Bible talks about sexual immorality a lot because the New Testament world was soaked in sexual immorality when you look around the world today do you feel like it is okay I'm gonna use an old word that some of you might not know but I'm gonna teach you this word okay because it's a good word okay it's a bad word but it's a good word licentiousness age and immorality is promoted it's expected it's taken for granted the message of our culture is hey sex is just a pleasurable activity the more of it the better with whoever whenever if it feels good do it we live in a very lie census it's much more like census than it was 40 or 50 years ago the sexual revolution of the 1960s had a huge impact on our culture and it's only progressed or maybe I should say regressed further now what I want you understand is as bad as you think it is today it was worse in New Testament times it was an even more licensures age that the New Testament was written in and that Christianity was established in that's why the New Testament talks about sexual immorality a lot because it was a huge discipleship issue and isn't it a huge discipleship issue for us today so understanding that the Bible says that when the is sexual immorality in the marriage that that is grounds for divorce say well how do I know if this troublesome conduct in the marriage actually is sexual immorality according to the biblical definition of pornea make an appointment with the pastor get some wise biblical counsel on this get together with someone who knows the scriptures who knows the wisdom of God tell them what the situation is and prayerfully you should be able to come to an understanding of what the Bible says and how it applies to your specific situation now we also understand and this is important to say that even though jesus said that sexual immorality gives permission for divorce it does not command divorce Matthew chapter 19 deals with this in greater detail and you can assign that for yourself for homework tonight read about what Jesus had to say about marriage and divorce in Matthew chapter 19 because in that chapter Jesus says much the same things that he says in these two verses but Jesus says that sexual immorality gives permission for divorce but it does not command it and I have known personally of many marriages that have endured adultery or sexual immorality in the marriage but but they've stayed committed to each other and they've worked through it and the marriage has come out of that crisis stronger than ever before I don't think somebody should have the attitude well sex Ramar that's it now it may be maybe if hearts are hard and maybe a sum was determined to remain unfaithful to their spouse maybe if the wreckage is too great yes there is permission but please understand it's not a command and when I counsel people about such things as a pastor I never tell them God commands you to get a divorce I will tell them whether or not the Bible gives permission for it but the ultimate decision has to come between that person and the Holy Spirit now I need to add one more thing in addition to the permission of sexual immorality the New Testament also adds the case of abandonment by an unbelieving spouse Paul spoke about that in first Corinthians chapter 7 verse 15 when an unbelieving spouse abandons a believer Paul said you can let the unbelieving spouse go and you are free to remarry in those situations now I need to say something that's pretty hard to hear right here if the two reasons given are sexual immorality and the abandonment of an unbelieving spouse and all that that might entail I want you to notice what is not given as a reason for divorce falling out of love with each other or we just don't love each other anymore now that's hard for me to say because first of all a lot of people get divorced for that reason and and you say well pastor saying I shouldn't god voice well maybe not but the other reason why that's hard to say is to feel trapped in a loveless hopeless marriage is a terrible and painful thing and I don't want to make light of it I don't want to dismiss it what you're saying ah whatever but this is what I would do want to say is that I have seen it dozens and dozens of time in my life as a pastor where a marriage where the love had been lost that under the power and the work of Jesus the love has been renewed I won't even ask for people to raise your hand so please don't raise your hand but if I were to ask people among us here tonight how many of you have experienced this in your marriage where you thought it was gone and maybe you were even strongly contemplating divorce because it seemed like the love in your relationship and just vanished you thought this is it it's never gonna come back but but you sought the Lord you let him do your were his work you you you will act in an obedience to his word and God did a beautiful thing of not only restoring that love but making it better than ever if I were to ask who and I'm sure some hands would go up if I can say my hand would go up God can do powerful works in restoring love to a marriage don't give up now without trying to say everything that could be said about marriage and divorce let me add a couple things in the first Corinthians passage Paul also recognized that there might be situations where a Christian couple could not live together in marriage but neither were they free to divorce so there are many situations where a marriage is separated or maybe even a desire to be divorced for reasons that don't fulfill the biblical allowance but here's the thing it gets so complicated in the real world I've seen this happened dozens of times a couple gets divorced for reasons that are not biblical but then one of them goes off and starts living a life of sexual immorality now there's biblical reasons for divorce so there wasn't before when the original divorce was made but subsequently there is so in the real world this can be a big mess what if sexual immorality is obvious but never admitted I've seen situations like that what do you do what if there is a Bandhan meant but the guilty party claims to be a believer but doesn't act anything like it what do you do then again sin makes for a lot of complicated messes get some wise pastoral Council now one must admit that this is a hard teaching from Jesus there are many reasons that people give today to justify divorce that do not fulfill the biblical allowances for divorce when the disciples heard Jesus teach in Matthew chapter 19 on this principle this was their response if such is the case it's better not to get married they knew that Jesus was very serious you you mean I'm really bound to this thing you you mean I can't divorce her if she burns dinner oh man maybe I shouldn't even get married now I don't agree with their conclusions but I appreciate the seriousness with which they take it but again friends sin makes for lot of messes somebody asked me this morning after service well well what if there's a situation where a husband is physically abusing his wife well the first thing I'd say is I say she should not endure that for a moment and she should get out of there and keep herself safe God doesn't ordain for anybody to be a punching bag in marriage and then as for how that works out for marriage and divorce and the biblical permissions get some wise pastoral Council what's going on in here well what can be done it needs to be approached with wise biblical counsel and I can't give you the three quick principles to decide everything it gets into complicated messes in people's lives believe me but let me add one more principle when Paul wrote about these marriage matters in first Corinthians chapter seven he gave a very important principle in verse 17 he says as the Lord has called each one so let him walk and in the context of 1st Corinthians 7 what he means is are you married right now well then serve in your marriage unto the Lord are you single right now well then serving your singleness unto the Lord are you a widow are you this then serving that's and the reason why that's important to bring up is a lot of people here teaching like this and the wheels start spinning they saying Oh My heavens my first wife it was an unbiblical divorce but but now I'm married again what do I I got a divorce my second wife and go back and remarry my first wife and make that one no no no no no no look that's not what God's telling you to do he's saying where are you at right now and if there's sin in the past then take it to the cross and get it cleansed but where you're at right now in your family situation surrender that to the Lord and see him do a great and a glorious work in the midst of it now if you're married to your second wife have to wrongfully divorcing your first wife and then you become a Christian don't think that you have to leave your second wife and go back to your first wife don't try to undo all the problems of the past as the Lord has called you walk in that place right now now one more thing to say notice what Jesus says in verse 32 he uses the phrase causes her to commit adultery what Jesus is assuming is that the wrongly divorced woman would then marry again and if the divorce was not for biblical reasons then God considered her still to be married and then her new marriage would be adultery is this confusing often it is what do you do get some wise pastoral counsel but implied in this is that if somebody is divorced according to biblical permission then that person is free to remarry in the Lord the reason why that's important to say is because there are a few passages in the New Testament that if you took them alone you would come to the conclusion that a divorced person is never to remarry but when you take what the entire New Testament says about marriage divorce and remarriage you come to the conclusion that if a person is divorced for biblically justified reasons then they are free to remarry in the Lord it's important that we take the New Testament teaching as a whole and not just take some verses to cancel out other verses now let me conclude just with a few things to take away number one marriage matters and God wants marriages to stay together that's his great desire number two sex has meaning and that's why God keeps it in marriage to protect it and to allow its meaning to be strengthened number three lost love in marriage can be found again and it can flourish and then number four I think of those who have lived through what most people would say is the trauma of a divorce maybe there's a divorce in your past and basically you were sinned against I talked to people like that one day their partner just said forget it see you and with the laws that we have in our presentations nothing you could do about it if you've been sinned against if you've been rejected with out cause can I simply tell you you have a sympathetic friend in Jesus if anybody knows what it means to be rejected without cause it's Jesus himself and I pray Jesus will draw near to you to comfort you to strengthen you and to bless you even in the midst of your pain but look let's be honest maybe you're on the other side of this maybe you were party to a divorce and you sinned against your spouse in a grievous way if that's you and the Holy Spirit is speaking to your heart about this but maybe even as the Holy Spirit speaks to your heart maybe the devil is screaming at you at the same time you're condemned you're filthy see what the word says you're lost you're no good listen if that is the condemnation that's coming to your mouth with your mind right now in the name of Jesus I rebuke it and maybe you sinned in the past regarding a divorce let me tell you you have a great Savior in Jesus Christ stop trying to justify it stop trying to excuse it if you read this text and honestly say I've sinned in this I initiated I pursued and I obtained a divorce for the wrong reasons then stop spending all these spiritual and emotional effort trying to justify yourself just come as a sinner to Jesus and be forgiven my friends that's such a wonderful place to come to will you just say Here I am Lord I know I've sinned will you forgive me I want to end by reading a prayer of confession from a book of Prayer and I'll just end with this here's the prayer quote most merciful God we confess that we've sinned against you in thought word and deed by what we have done and by what we have left undone we have not loved you with our whole heart we've not loved our neighbors as ourselves we are truly sorry and we humbly repent for the sake of your son Jesus Christ have mercy on us and forgive us that we may delight in your will and walk in your ways to the glory of your name Amen father that's our prayer and I pray Lord that any condemning work that the accuser of our soul would do right now would be silenced in the name of Jesus and that rather Lord we would simply be able to hear and appreciate the beautiful voice of the Spirit of God driving us to Jesus as our Savior and filling us to heal the hurts and the failings of our lives do this work in our midst Lord and lord I pray that you'd bless marriages in this room just bless them Lord make every marriage in this room fulfill the glorious potential that you have for it to be a source of almost unimaginable blessing and goodness in life do it Lord we pray this in Jesus name amen [Music]

Channel: David Guzik

Views: 3,063

Rating: 4.6190476 out of 5

Keywords: Marriage and Divorce, Sermon on the Mount, Jesus, Jesus Christ, David Guzik, Guzik, Enduring Word, Gospel of Matthew, Matthew

Id: c2T-lShcq00

Length: 41min 57sec (2517 seconds)

Published: Sat Mar 09 2019