Managing Pushback and Conflict as a Facilitator

in this video I'm going to share how my strategies for handling push back have evolved as a facilitator particularly in the realm of anti-oppression or social justice education I'm particularly talking about push back that I diagnose as stemming from oppressive dominant narratives you know comments that are problematic and that feel tricky to deal with I'll also be referring to these moments as hot moments because I know some Educators use that terminology ology and honestly to me that is what they feel like when I started facilitating this type of push back used to really rattle me um I would say that it's the area that I've had to do the most growth in when a participant would start to say something that sounded like it was reinforcing a problem a problematic idea um my heart would start racing and I would start to frantically formulate responses in my head while this particip was still speaking as you can imagine this often led me to respond in ways that were rather unsatisfying and insecured for the participants where I'd rush through an explanation of what the person was missing and then I would move on um not inviting further discussion theoretically I knew that this was not ideal um I knew it was in contradiction to my stated intention of cultivating an open and participatory space but in practice my fear of everything potentially going sideways and maybe there being this Avalanche of reactions that I wouldn't be able to handle led me to control the conversation very tightly today I'm relieved to say that things have improved significantly I'm going to walk you through a four-step framework that I use for addressing push back I think that it has freed me up to treat each participant with a lot more respect dignity and care I have a lot more patience I'm more open and more present and just it's made me a better facilitator before that let me quickly introduce myself if you're new here hi my name is Marine I am a facilitator and the creator of rethinking normal which is a platform where Educators come to get engaging activities and strategies um to to rethink dominant narratives in their [Music] curriculum one of the first or even the first thing that I like to say in response to the person who has just shared is that a lot of people feel the way that they do um or that they have just a offered a view that is commonly held um I if that's the case right maybe once in a blue moon someone shares something that you've never heard before but even if I don't agree I can acknowledge that I've heard this before so I like to say something like H thanks for sharing I know that's a commonly held concern or I know that other people feel similarly and it makes sense that this would come up and I'm glad you brought it up here so we have an opportunity to explore it together notice that I'm thanking them for bringing up the point I'm not validating the point itself I'm not saying for example thanks for bringing that in that's a great point because again I probably don't feel like the point in itself is great so it's a subtle but it's an important difference also as a part of acknowledging the comment I might remark on what happened in the room when the comment was shared if I noticed a shift so I might say something like I noticed that the room just got very quiet or I'm noticing some fidgety energy and I think that might be because a lot of people have strong feelings about this issue and we know that it can get quite controversial so we're going to tackle this together and unpack what's going on here basically if an elephant has just walked in the room name the elephant I think that when facilitators model some vulnerability by saying the uncomfortable thing it encourages participants to be braver in the learning and to lean into that discomfort when it comes up for them so that's it that's phase [Music] one one once you have acknowledged the comment ask a clarifying question but this is the hard part this question has to be authentic rooted in a genuine desire to understand because if it's not and if you have ulterior motives it will likely sound scripted and maybe even calculating to the participant receiving it so before speaking I suggest checking in with yourself even just for a second to ask can I truly suspend judgment for long enough to get curious about what this person is saying um and am I open to being wrong or at least to learning something new about how this person thinks and I found that the more that I check in with myself the more the step becomes automatic um as a facilitator usually I've prepped myself so I'm in the disposition to hear other viewpoints um in my personal life things are a little different sometimes if you're really able to check the box then proceed to asking your question and if you can't make sure you stick around to the end of the video where I'll share what I do when I don't feel equipped to handle a hot moment so then you can narrow in on a part of their comment that pequs your interest and ask a question about it and I try to do this in a way that compels them to share a bit more about their own personal story so something like I want to make sure I understand what you're saying can you tell me a little bit more about your experience with this it sounds like blank is really important to you do you think you could tell us a little bit more about why or even just something like you said blank could you walk me through your thought process here try to not start these questions with why if you want to know why that is make sure you check out my video on asking good dialogue based questions in the description box there are a couple different reasons for why asking a clarifying question is a really good idea first it just makes sure that you didn't misunderstand the person's point before launching into a whole strategy to tackle something that was actually never said it sounds simple but I've been there more than once second if they did say what you think that they said it'll give everybody a better picture of where they're coming from which will ultimately put you on better footing to effectively respond to their concerns it's really about finding that nugget of connection or of humanity in their story that will help the group rebuild common ground when they're done sharing it's important to thank them for giving you more information and to highlight something a value or an emotion that they've shared that you can genuinely connect to taking the time to ask a question in a conflictual moment also signals to everybody else that you are not going to write them off and exclude them if you disagree with them you care about understanding them rather than just being right and that disarms a situation that's going to continue to Foster trust and incourage encourage their participation in the workshop or in the classroom going [Music] forward speaking of participation we have reached the moment where I like to ask the group if anybody with a different perspective would like to build on the points that were just made by now it's very common that a participant is raising their hand or squirming in their chair just wanting to jump into the conversation um and this is especially true if I've done a good job job of cultivating a culture of dialogue up until that point and nine times out of 10 I'm Amazed by what other participants bring in and I see how much more powerful and well-received it is when other perspectives are coming from inside the group than if they were coming from me if at this point no one else in the group is asking to jump in I like to directly solicit their participation but I also want to make it very clear that if no one wants to jum dump in at this point I have no problem continuing to Steward the conversation because in the spirit of cultivating trust I want them to know that as their facilitator I got this I don't want them to ever feel responsible for tackling a really tricky learning moment I'm not going to put that on them and like Fade Away into the bushes so to speak I like to say I have some thoughts that I'd love to share but first I wanted to see is there anyone else that would like to offer a different perspective on this [Music] issue so finally in this phase we get to ask questions that Foster critical thinking and to speak our own truth I say finally because it's taken me a long time to explain this in a video but really when you're facilitating in a group steps one through three don't really take longer than a couple minutes like it's very fast here are some examples of critical questions on the screen their point is always to encourage participants to consider their belief from a different perspective specifically in this context a counternarrative perspective and a well-crafted and well timed critical question can be so powerful in helping participants rethink their framing of an issue and start to notice how their own thinking is influenced by dominant narratives and often times by their own privileged lived experiences so critical questions are wonderful truly one of my favorite parts of facilitation but I want to issue a warning about them I think too many people and this was me for years think that they have to be the first response to a problematic or oppressive sounding comment and I think that this expectation is really stressful for us as facilitators and it's really stressful and ultimately unhelpful for the participants let's get really honest about something critical questions are leading questions they have a purpose we're trying to do something something when we ask them don't get me wrong this does not make them bad but they are a different type of question than the dialogue based questions we've been asking up until this point in the conversation this is why in my view they shouldn't be posed as just another question seeking out information without any ulterior motives or deeper implications because participants see through it and we risk losing the trust that we've worked so hard to cultivate with them up until that point this is ESP especially true in any kind of anti-oppression or inclusion program because participants are likely kind of nervous coming in maybe even a little bit defensive um and are nervous to be cast in a certain light for saying or being the wrong thing so from what I've experienced inviting open sharing and then relying too heavily on critical questions to steer the conversation in a very particular direction is a recipe for alienating participants because if the intent behind critical questions is not announced by the facilitators or the facilitator they can start to sound a lot like gotcha questions but they don't have to I call this an ethical approach to critical questions and adopting the core idea behind this only takes a few extra seconds you can simply be honest and say I appreciate you sharing your perspective on this and I would like to invite you to witness another perspective how does that sound and then once you get the okay intentions are transparent and you can ask all of the brilliant critical questions that your facilitator heart desires I would also recommend asking critical questions to the entire group rather than to a single person um we never want to get in a standoff with one participant so critical questions are usually a good time to Pivot from addressing one person to soliciting the feedback of the entire group before moving on it's okay to share your perspective especially if the participants don't get there on their own with the critical questions um in some instances it might even be necessary to the learning this involves going into a brief teaching moment where you share what you know and you bring in any facts or historical knowledge that you have on the issue from a counternarrative perspective so that's the four-step framework I like to follow as a facilitator to unpack comments and questions that lead to hot moments okay but remember how earlier I said that I would speak about those times when we genuinely can't get curious about what someone has said maybe we feel like we do not have the emotional bandwidth to deal with it for whatever reason I mean we are human we can get activated we don't leave all of our identities and our experiences at the door so I want to briefly talk about what we can do in that case this is a reminder that we can always Park a question or comment if we do not feel like we can adequately respond to it in the moment there are many different reasons that you might want to park something maybe you simply don't have enough time in the session uh maybe you feel like the group is really not ready to productively engage in the conversation or as I said earlier maybe you yourself are not equipped emotionally or logistically to lead the discussion at this time I know that I was really worried about parking Hot Topics in the past thinking that it would lessen my credibility but it really doesn't as long long as you do it sparingly so a theme of this video I'm realizing is that being transparent with the participants about your intentions pretty much always makes you seem more trustworthy and credible the longer I facilitate the more I realize I don't have to be like this con artist and it's quite nice it's made it a lot more enjoyable for me the one way of parking something that I would never recommend is just pretending that it did not happen that's pretty anxiety and for everyone and it also allows the oppressive comment to go unchecked which we definitely don't want right that's counter to the reason why we're here so before parking it I like to acknowledge the comment and to state that many people have a different perspective on what was dis shared so this can sound like ah thanks for sharing your perspective so while I know that some people share your concern I also want to flag that other people feel this way insert counternarrative perspective here there's a lot to say about this but it's a bit outside of the scope of what we can cover today so I'm going to park it or put it aside for now and then you can tell them what your plan is for that thing that you've just put in the parking lot maybe you intend to return to this conversation first thing next time you meet or if there is no next time you can send them a follow-up email with some relevant resources or for another reason you might also decide that you are parking this for good in an interview that I recently posted on my Channel with sopia sopia actually recommends quite a few ways for parking comments and questions so I'll link that in the description box below so that's it for this video but wait a huge part of the art of handling push back starts with the art of asking good questions and this is something that I made a video on recently I talked about three strategies that really help me ask good dialogue based questions so make sure you check that out next if you have any questions on this topic at all I know that it tends to be a big scary thing for lot of us please put them in the description box and I would love to make more videos on them in the future I covered the basics in this video but I certainly didn't cover everything that I do in this realm of push back thank you so much for watching please subscribe and like the video and comment and watch my next video do all the things I really appreciate each and every one of you that's here in the really early days of my channel I'm wishing you a great day bye

Channel: Rethinking Normal

Views: 163

Keywords: conflict, pushback, social justice, DEI, facilitation, diversity, facilitation skills

Id: 8HZt77vTvGM

Length: 16min 26sec (986 seconds)

Published: Wed May 08 2024