love without attachment

in light of the recent Jonah Hill controversy and in following a request from a viewer I decided to make a short video on loving without attachment as recognized Hill is engaging in a sort of therapy speak surrounding boundaries this appears to come from a place of possessiveness why does possessiveness occur Eric from notes a sort of love that is developed in modernity love as teamwork where everybody adjusts his behavior to the expressed needs of the other person in the pursuit of common aims modeled after the sort of groups you might encounter in an office space there isn't anything apparently wrong in centering collaboration as the essence of a relationship but this is a naive concept as it fails to account for why we end up in relationships to begin with the neurotic Lover from notes is usually a man who wants to be loved while never having to actually love this sort of childlike State encourages grandiose and romantic visions of their partner they may feel so good about their partner that at first they will display a great deal of charm and affection but there's a significant failure in seeing their partner as a human being with their own agency when they realize that their partner cannot live up to their fantasy their idea of gratification the man may feel deeply hurt and pain in his pain on the idea that his partner is selfish and does not love him pair this with bell Hook's observation that romance is often depicted as a project women are The Architects and the planners namely women are socialized early on to be the givers of love to sacrifice their agency in the hopes of this collaborative project men are generally taught that love is this reward this immediate and sustained high that is received passively that is guaranteed for them if they achieve certain patriarchal standards any extra effort afterwards is taken as a failure on the part of their partner suddenly this love as teamwork idea seems kind of lopsided for men this possessiveness is deeply tied to their identity to be a man is to be loved by a woman and to be loved is to have some sort of power over them boundaries then can be misused as forms of policing and correcting the ways in which their partner is supposed to love them to back up from gender roles in general this possessiveness is deeply tied to our own self-image we do not feel secure in ourselves and so we attempt to own and dominate another in order to regain some security this sort of narcissism does not respect the agency of others and is motivated by one's own desire and fear so long as we depend on another for our psychological well-being intellectually or emotionally that dependents must inevitably create fear from which arises sorrow writes krishnamurti and furthermore any alteration of these dependencies we violently oppose because we depend on them for psychological security to love without attachment is above all else to get over oneself in fact from recognizes the overcoming of one's narcissism as the main condition for the achievement of love in attempting to secure our own self-image through another we create an image or fantasy of that other we imprison them there through manipulation deception and control this is our attempt to possess and we also imprison ourselves in our own narcissism we cut ourselves off from being able to experience true love to abandon the present in order to look for things in the future is to throw away the substance and hold on to the shadow rights tiknot Han what is true love firstly love involves some level of objectivity you need to see people for their own potentialities and your own potentialities rather than the images you have of them this in itself means abandoning oneself prioritization it involves humility and this humility is informed by a significant second face that through recognizing trusting and nurturing you and your partner's potentialities love will flourish yes boundaries still exist in this state but this comes about through education rather than manipulation by telling them your boundaries you hope that this will also teach you about them and their boundaries and needs and they might not be compatible with yours and here is the crucial and scary part about love without attachment you must be vulnerable to the things you feared that things might not last that people die that feelings change all you can do is have some humility and faith that the learning process itself which is reciprocal will bring love to both notably krishnamurti argues that passion comes through learning rather than through desire or gratification it is within this intense curiosity we have for the other where love emerges and how could we truly know those who we supposedly love if we limit them for our own gratification we must listen without judgment we must love without attachment true love is unconditional write spell hooks but to truly flourish it requires an ongoing commitment to constructive struggle and change foreign [Music]

Channel: Sisyphus 55

Views: 1,488,785

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Id: Hm2kgIdnSI4

Length: 5min 36sec (336 seconds)

Published: Thu Jul 13 2023