Living with Courage: Embracing Fear to Follow Your Heart: Kelley Kalafatich at TEDxBend

hello I band thank you it's an honor to be here it was going into winter solstice when two friends invited me to go down the Colorado River through the Grand Canyon it was for nineteen days we went into winter we were using River boards and they're like a souped-up boogie board and because it's illegal to swim the Colorado River we had to prove to the National Park Service that these river boards were a certified vessel by the US Coast Guard and we did yeah when we got off that River a good friend of mine we went over this footage because I got to film you know I tried to do this footage of our trip and when we got home and we looked at it our journey was really about facing our fears and doing something we thought we couldn't do and it showed each of us individually facing our own fears and when we ended that trip looking back at all the challenges and the beauty and the essence of the river we were so elated and so happy and so fully alive what is fear what do you gain Eleanor Roosevelt said you gain strength courage and confidence in every experience which you really stopped to look fear in the face you must do the thing you think you cannot do remember the that rush of energy part pounding goosebumps chills well those feelings most often happen when you're really afraid really happy or truly touched by something and it's not just its it's when you're touching your essence what are you afraid of well that question was asked when he stood on that high dive for the first time looking down and it shouted at you by teammates wondering if you're going to make that free-throw shot to win the game it was whispered to you by waiting to you're waiting to ask that special someone out for a date and you consciously and subconsciously it goes through your mind as you ponder your next big move what are you afraid of failing rejection many dreams and goals are never realized because the fear of failing or being rejected and failing and rejection it's the common barrier but not the driving emotion it's the after effect and the real fear is deeper there's the the fear guilt or humiliation shame embarrassment injury and even the fear of dying author philosopher and Holocaust survivor Elie Wiesel he once said the opposite of life is not death its indifference and not acting because of the of the of not acting because of feeling unmotivated indecisive apathy too comfortable even feeling lazy about doing something these are sometimes hidden fears or anxieties that hold us back from doing something really great or you know if or it eventually could lead to lifelessness or indifference embracing fear and getting out of your comfort zone this leads to courage and confidence and life becomes this upward spiral and as this circles and builds on itself and as your personal greatness is more and more revealed and shared this helps those around you helps lift you and the state of the world how do I know this because I lived it it was in the late 70s when I was just one of a handful of women well I was just a teenage girl at the time when I found work as a river guide and that was a challenge cracking that ceiling I started working on the South Fork of the American River and a good friend of mine he helped me down the river and he'd let me row everything but meat grinder and trouble maker the two big class-three Rapids on the river and the third time I went to the river the river talk makes me thirsty but anyways third time I went to the river they asked me if I had rode these extra six clients down and I realized that they just asked me would I not could I and I just got that instant energy rush that I was talking to you about the heart pounding and they had more confidence to me that I did and I don't know if you guys have ever experienced that before but where someone's actually taking the leap for you and expanded your boundaries for you well that happened to me and I hadn't even rode the big rapid jet and I did make it down river that day and they gave me my $25.00 and I was on my way and I was in love with the river for the next 30 years and I would guide during the summers and go to college during the winter and I thought I wanted to be a teacher but um I got this invitation to be a guide in Africa and then it to be a guide in Africa to join these guys to who are pioneering the Zambezi River and I thought oh my goodness this is a tough decision I'm going to have to side is this you know Africa or school and I had I was so excited but I had a lot of apprehension and there's times when you are asked to do something and you have that you question and you have that fear not knowing everything about the trip and it holds you back and sometimes keeps you from doing something really great and well I you know I went over in my gut and I asked myself what was the right thing to do what would my mom and dad tell me to do and it was a pivotal moment in my life and a turning point where you know my path was going to be in a maybe a totally different direction you know what would you ask your your daughter or son or your young child what would they do but what would you have them do would you have them follow their heart or would you have them not take the risk all you being here at the TEDx event listening to all these people that are you know sharing the leaps and bounds I'm sure you would have said follow your heart right okay I would say and I did I followed my heart I took the leap and I landed in Africa the Rhodesian bush war just ended and we were not only worried about the landmines but we were worried about the big hippos and the big Crocs and the big whitewater and we would put in along these cliffs below Victoria Falls and Victoria Falls was it the locals called it the most you Tania the smoke that thunders and it was it was this beautiful curtain the storm of water falling water it was beautiful and terrifying and the Zambezi it was this massive flow of water with powerful Eddy lines and tremendous drops and wave trains that were mountainous and just we dubbed this run the wildest one day in the world and it was and we also trained the Africans the zambese ambiens to become River guides themselves the first in the world and these young men and you know they also face their fears every day learning to row and they also supported their families and also their entire village there were rock stars in the community for sure and if the white water was it enough the wildlife certainly kept it interesting for us and I was in love you know it was a dream come true for me and I lived in Africa for almost four years in there you know I found my one true love there and every day I felt full alive and I was so you know just to think about you know not even going thinking about not going was a bit a bit of crazy idea remember when you've looked up to people and admired you know your heroes well I was in nineteen I'd get the year I was a while ago but I had an up-close you know look at my hero facing her fears just like we would have to do and the plan was no the plan was for me to take over rowing for Merrill we were in a boat together while she was doing her one day whitewater I was in the raft coaching and and helping her and we were on this this float with the big giant camera and it was focused on Merrill and I would maybe take over if we happen if she needed me to take the oars and she was running this wave train and zodiac would come in a power boat with a motor at the bottom of the rapid and and it would bump us into the Eddy and we'd ride this Eddy line back up and this was big like the Zambezi or the Colorado River so the eddy lines are quite huge and we just ride that current right back up and we do it again and we did it all morning over and over and one time we got to the bottom and it surged and the power boat came in and met us and the two forces met and it forced one tube down and we started taking on water so all this happened at the same time I'm yelling for the power book to back off I put a hand on Merrill shoulder ask her to change it was a signal she gotten back I got a new yours and things were okay and I turned around to tell her you know it's everything's fine and I look and alls I saw was her two sandals and she was leaping into the river and I thought oh my goodness but but I Meyer most about Merrill and that and how she looked at the situation and how you know she was in she was not a whitewater expert at all our water expert and just how she faced that fight flight or freeze and she didn't freeze and that was a just this extraordinary example of taking a leap in the face of fear for sure that was Merrill but in 2004 two men they wanted to descend the Blue Nile River and be the first to do it all under human power and that was 3,000 miles and then they realized that there were some tough whitewater at the beginning of excuse me and they were needing help so there was six of us experts that would help them through the whitewater I was one of them and we put in in Ethiopia at the headwaters at Lake Tana and we helped them down to the Sudan border which was about 800 miles that's Lake Tana and with just this calm warm water we're ankle deep rigging the boat and just this perfect temperature for this very small parasitic worm to thrive called schistosomiasis or bilharzia and this could get into your body and lie dormant for years and wreak havoc without you even knowing it and none of us did we never we didn't know we could have this inside of us and not until three years later and I was the canary I was one out of eight who first started showing symptoms so I asked them to go ahead and you know get checked all everybody had this parasite so we're still trying to keep tabs on those guys and you know they've taken the praziquantel that's the medicine to get rid of this nasty bugger but anyways I had this itchy tingling on my thighs with a really severe you know back ache and the next day it was excruciating back pain and I had quit urinating and I was becoming paralyzed in the trunk area and I didn't realize it and a good friend of mine he helped me check in to the ER and I walked in but I never walked out and I laid there in the hospital bed that night and you know no one there the first time it's like what nothing has happened to me and I was becoming paralyzed down my body except for my eye feet my toes and I was coming up and I was I see my greatest fear and I thought I was going to die I don't know but if you experienced no or had a friend she experienced something like that but it's hard it's funny I haven't talked about too much to people but Here I am today I'm in a standing wheelchair and is five and a half years later that's about what it is to this to eaten right now what I fear the most is maybe not living a halfway normal life and I met a couple folks in a wheelchair today coming in and but it's not the chair for me it's the pain I got a lot of nerve pain that I battle with every day it's a spinal cord pain and but I'm adapting and coming up with new dreams and goals to UM replace the old ones I also learn you know being a paraplegic hard work takes a lot of determination and courage and hard work energy gratitude and love every day to move beyond you know to move forward beyond my your physical and mental limitations and the first steps believing and believing that you could do it and taking the leap and going forward and you yes well how you do that you know how do you take the leap and move forward and expand your boundaries you know your self created andris and in answering that question you know i thought back you know since i spent most of my life on the river and the last few years paralyzed i imagine myself going back you know when i was a young girl and i was learning to raft again and i would ask myself you know and i would tell myself number one is to not dwell on your regrets and I'm glad I did what I did when I did it and I wouldn't change a thing I wouldn't you know go back and do something different number two what I would tell myself is the fear will never go away in our lives you know I was fearful when I was a young woman I was fearful doing extraordinary things and and I'm fearful now and you know many people think that the fear somedays somehow will go away but it doesn't and to expand our boundaries is to fill the fear and be with it and and to take the leap anyways number three is courage and determination while you take the leap you need courage and determination and no matter what you want to do you in your life you can do practically anything with courage and determination you can start your own business go back to college write your own book take that drawing or painting class surf lesson you've been dreaming about or open your heart to love make that a doctor's appointment you've been putting off doing or that phone call of apology you know whatever it is that will make your dreams come true and meet your goals and give you peace of mind it will take courage and determination so I know that these three points seem quite obvious but what I would love for you guys to do today is to do the thing that youth that you've been putting off doing and to do it take the leap and put your dreams and goals into action now and that's what I did today I faced my fears thank you you

Channel: TEDx Talks

Views: 199,738

Keywords: change, tedx, Bend, ted, ted talks, Orgeon, TEDxBend, ted x, disabilitiy, tedx talks, tedx talk, ted talk, Rafting

Id: jIlHxjj36vA

Length: 18min 41sec (1121 seconds)

Published: Mon May 20 2013