Living with bipolar disorder: Maarten opens up | DW Documentary

[Music] Martin Hammond has bipolar disorder like an estimated 350 million people worldwide his greatest challenge is how to live an orderly life amid alternating bouts of mania and depression I didn't feel so good this morning when I woke up I felt as if there was a gray fog in my head and that happens often how is your office [Music] [Music] it's not immediately obvious that Martin suffers from depression but he often struggles with ordinary daily tasks even getting up in the morning can be tough certain routines can help him get through the day for example meditating frequently or talking to others and speaking openly about his situation I think that I've learned to tell people around me who I am and how I react and this helps sometimes I tell friends to take it easy with me if I'm feeling a bit down in the periods of depression Martin is often plagued by feelings of hopelessness emptiness and guilt six years ago he was so depressed that he decided to commit suicide in the manic phases he is full of energy and feels very creative he explores the contrasts and his feelings in the music that he composes [Music] there are many feelings but I've packed them into different chapters and they conjure up very deep or special meaningful moments for me one of them is the evening that I try to end my life these are all feelings joy sadness the whole spectrum so to speak psychotherapy and medication helps Martin get over his suicidal feelings now he gets by without any treatment sport and breathing exercises help him to keep the depression under control he is preparing to go on stage to talk about his experiences he wants to share his coping mechanisms with others though he knows that they might not work with everyone who is affected with bipolar disorder he's to attend a forum for exchanging ideas and promoting personal advancement I'm very nervous I want people to really understand what's burning in me and what I want to bring across I want to encourage people to make the steps that I've made in life but there is still plenty to do along with his friend and manager max Martin is planning to walk from his home in Cologne to his hometown Sevilla in the Netherlands 200 kilometers away the idea is to prepare him physically and mentally for the speech we talked a lot about different things about Martin and about me as well and then we came to a point where we thought that we had to go public and reach a wider audience that people should listen to Martin and a framework should be created that's something I want to help with Martin has so many ideas so many emotions what's yandi nuts bling schnell invading it and that means he wants to get things done fast but perhaps I could help find a direction definitely to me because Martin is planning to meet people from his past as he walks people who know what he went through King is one aspect and the different people places and stories are another aspect but I also want to show people that they can achieve anything if they want to for him for Martin Sport is possibly the most important means of dealing with his depression it creates a balance between the body and the mind and helps improve to himself that he can do something I know people who don't have legs who can climb there's a woman here who doesn't have any legs and she manages to climb up I think we're only as limited insofar as we set ourselves limits and that's a part of the depression to say that we can't do something but what can we do there are days when I feel I can't get out of bed but I can get out of bed I have arms and legs just before he is due to set off for the Netherlands Martin suffers a setback instead of going to swallow on foot he's off to the nearest hospital and the doctor's orders are clear it's an infection of the joint it's bacterial so it's in the tissue known for being someone who will follow his own plan but the doctor was adamant that I shouldn't do the walk he said it was a very bad idea to walk 200 kilometers he said my body needed calm and relaxation Verena Heinz is Martin's ex-girlfriend he was planning to meet her on his walk but instead she has come to see him in Cologne she wanted to comfort and encourage him ahead of his speech she knows what such a setback might do having had first-hand experience of his depression yepper Maddon was much much I think what was difficult for me was that he wasn't predictable the ups and downs and highs and lows which change so fast and then I would think here he is again and now he's there that was the biggest challenge a few days later Martin is off to the Netherlands by car the cast is gone but he's still not allowed to walk his parents were on holiday six years ago when he called them and told them he was going to end his life we felt powerless and sad and it was very difficult to understand because Martin also has a lot of humor and a joyful side yeah who more and it's and it was really difficult for us as parents we had feelings of guilt you start wondering what you did wrong what didn't you see it's not easy to accept this side that's black you to favor the next day Martin took a lethal mixture of sleeping tablets and painkillers I didn't care at that point I just didn't want to have these feelings that couldn't bear the pain anymore but something made me think that I shouldn't do it this can't be the solution whatever the problem is so I went to the toilet and I throw up I was quite lucid from that point on and I called the emergency services now Martin knows how to deal with the ups and downs better bathing in ice-cold water helps him when he undergoes a setback he tries to use it to find some force instead of sinking back into a black hole that's what he plans to talk about later today the cold does me good so I wanted to make sure that I did it one more time before my speech so that all the energy all my thoughts came together instead of being dispersed audio mind everything in symbiosis so that I'll be able to go in as calm and collected as possible now that he's ready he and his friend and manager max go off together to the venue where the event is taking place there's a bit of fine-tuning before he finally goes onstage he's nervous after weeks of preparing for the 18 minute long speech my name is Martin Heyman and Germany we need to talk I'd rather swim under a sheet of ice climb into the ring or go climbing without a rope should I tell you a few more things that I'd rather do but he doesn't it's time to be serious [Applause] [Music] my name is Martin my name is Martin Hammond and I suffer from heavy depression I always start suppressing myself my questions my emotions hiding everything that makes me me it's probably better just to function I start looking for excitement to find a balance I think everything is a great idea alcohol drugs driving with my eyes closed for more and more time I put my health at risk sex fights destruction six years ago when my depression was so bad that I didn't know what to do I tried to end my life why didn't I talk there's a simple reason why I didn't talk people don't talk about mental problems I learned that early on at school at the club at home always friends but now I'm talking I'm not going to stop talking aney we have to talk listen the baby I forgot half of it I'm so proud of you how was it for you I don't know yet I'm still completely overwhelmed by emotions feelings it was great but I don't know what it was yet I think I'll figure it out in the next few hours the feelings you went really fast there are many enthusiastic people waiting in the foyer for Martin people who also suffer from depression or know people with depression martin has given them hope by speaking so openly hopes that they too will find a way of dealing with depression [Music]

Channel: DW Documentary

Views: 354,607

Keywords: Documentary, Documentaries, documentaries, DW documentary, DW documentary 2019, full documentary, documentary 2019, DW, depression, manic phase, bipolar disorder, Maarten Hemmen, mental illness, counseling, blog

Id: KSwqdl0Q9F8

Length: 12min 31sec (751 seconds)

Published: Mon Oct 28 2019