Les Brown - Getting Unstuck in 2020

[Music] [Applause] [Music] this evening we're going to be looking at how to get unstuck i think some of you know what i mean sometimes we have to ask ourselves what's using my life heard a guy give a lecture one time that says we are today what we were when and he was talking about the fact that we to a great extent behave think react because of some previous experience that we've had one of the things that we know about life is that it is always changing sometimes you're up sometimes you're down sometimes things go real well and sometimes they don't sometimes you're happy and sometimes you're sad now that's that thing called life and when we begin to understand and know that accepting that reality that that we will never ever have things just on an even kill all the time that you're going to have some ups and you're going to have some downs but during those down moments that's where the growth takes place that's where the work is anybody can feel good when they have their health their bills are paid they have happy relationships the children are acting normal business is successful anybody could be positive then anybody can have a larger vision then anybody can have faith under those kinds of circumstances am i correct see but the real challenge the real challenge of growth mentally emotionally and spiritually comes when you get knocked down somebody said that that adversity introduces a man to himself or woman how you handle it that's where the growth takes place when i was facing some challenges i had a guy say something to me and i suggest this is one of the first things that you want to do when you're facing a challenge you want to get unstuck evaluate where you are look at it assess yourself assess yourself and assess the situation what brought you there what role did you play earl nightingale had a saying i like he said all of us are self-made but only the successful will admit it [Applause] what has brought you to this point what did you learn from it are you learning anything are you doing it over and over and over again somebody said that insanity is doing the same thing in the same way expecting a different outcome are you going through it or are you growing through it are you bigger and better because of it because it's not going to leave you until you grow through it i was going through a major challenge in my life that was wearing me out that was using me and one of my students told me in a class that i was teaching lessons in truth she said les until you handle it with grace it will stay in your face and it stayed there a long time [Music] the challenges of life how do we get it how do we get stuck a friend of mine went through a divorce my best friend he had a wife that did not love him as much as he loved her it was this first real true love he was a very religious man did not believe in divorce he made a mistake and he paid for his mistake with a lot of pain a lot of tears and there came to a point where he knew he should have gotten a divorce but he was stuck he was stuck in something called revenge he said she's made me so miserable i'm going to pay her back he was stuck and he stayed in that longer than he should have because it began to attack him it began to affect him psychologically and as a result of that when he eventually did get a divorce he took that same attitude to other relationships looking for something to go wrong he was burned so badly he did not want to risk pain again he was going in relationships trying to avoid pain when it became too close he would do something to make sure the relationship did not work he would always try and find something wrong with the person because there are no perfect people so if you look for it you can find it he was stuck in revenge another friend of mine working on a job loved the company very much expected to retire there and one day they call him in the office ask him for his badge and identification told the security man up walked into his desk told him he was fired and he had to leave then he was devastated and if you came anywhere near him he will tell you his story as we all have stories even when he got a job he went on the job telling anybody who would listen how they fired him unjustly and he always ended with it wasn't fair life isn't fair life just is it's not fair that birds eat worms and they do so we can't even deal with what's fair but he's stuck in the fact that it's not fair i don't deserve that they were wrong i used to be a state legislator in columbus ohio during the break we used to go out on the front lawn of the ohio legislature at the capitol there and observe people as they came by there was one particular person that all of us knew the children adults everybody used to pick at him when he came by we called him chicken man he had a feather in his hat he had a toy chicken on top of his car that he would drive around the area in downtown blinking his lights and occasionally blowing his horn when he got out of his car he would drive he would walk downtown with a baby carriage with two little baby dolls in there and a picture of a woman and when you say something to him or came near him you would hear him making the sounds of a chicken all of us used to laugh at chicken man we didn't know chicken man's story chicken man woke up one morning around 3 a.m and his house was on fire he panicked and he got out of the window left quickly only to get outside to hear his children and his wife screaming for help he ran back to the door to go in to save them and the flames were too hot too awesome he tried to get in he couldn't get in he was desperate frantic pretty soon the cries stopped they perished in the fire his brother-in-law came found out that his sister died and his nieces in the fire grab chicken man and start beating him you chicken why didn't you save my sister you're a chicken you're a chicken when the people pulled him off chicken man they picked him up and said are you all right and chicken man looked at him and he started making the sounds of a chicken he never ever overcame that tragedy he was stuck from that experience none of us knew why chicken man went around with this picture and these little dolls i remember when i was stuck in anger for a long time when i made a commitment to my adopted mother that i was going to purchase her home i'll never forget the experience of working real hard to get the money for the down payment someone had told me of a beautiful home an exclusive area of miami went to see it took my mother there and she said yes i want it it was on the water we went to the closing my attorney said les have you had a title search i said what's a title search well we just take a couple of days to check it out and make sure there are no liens against the property that you might have to pay if you buy this home the guy who was there selling me the house he said listen he said the only reason that i'm selling you this house and selling it at a loss is because i admire the fact that you want to purchase this house for your mother i have another guy who will give me substantially more money but i like you and i've got to get back to philadelphia now if we cannot consummate this deal now then the deal is off i said there are no liens against the property he says no of course not i looked at my attorney i said i believe him i'll sign she said mr brown i'm not questioning his honesty she said but business is business i signed that contract and we had a big celebration everybody in the neighborhood was talking about leslie coming home one of the twins that made me adopted to buy her home child isn't that nice god is going to bless him a few weeks later i received a letter a registered letter indicating that the house was going up for sheriff's sale on the courthouse steps a man had filed a twelve thousand dollar lien against the property because the previous owner owed him that money and if i did not come up with twelve thousand dollars in 30 days he was going to sell the house to the highest bidder i called this man and said mister my name is les brown i purchased this house i had nothing to do with your prior bill pr privilege bill he said that's not my problem he said you should have had a title search i said can you give me time i said my mother is an older lady she has a bad heart and i said please i said if you just give me the time i don't know how i'm going to do it with the house note and everything else but i think i can pay you at least two thousand dollars a month and within six months somehow i will pay your money he said no i want it all in 30 days or you get out i did everything i could rack my mind thinking about how i could get twelve thousand dollars because i took everything i could to get the money just for the down payment and the closing i finally had to face the reality that i wasn't going to be able to do it i was up around two o'clock in the morning walking back and forth thinking how was i going to tell my mother this my children were there in the room sleeping all night long i agonized over this i lost over 23 pounds pretty soon i went in the room where my mother was sleeping and i said mama i got down on my knees by the bed i said mom i gotta talk to you and she said what's wrong i said mama i said we got to get out the house i said in my haste to buy the house i made a mistake she said that's all right baby i didn't like this house anyhow i said mama you told me you loved it i brought our friends out here to see it she said you know i have arthritis in my knees and i don't like going up the steps but i knew it made you happy you loved it so much i said mom i've lost 23 pounds agonizing over this well we had to pack up and go back to the old house down the street from northwestern high school in liberty city all those neighbors who came out and saw us leave those neighbors were there as we were coming back we went in the house the roaches were playing cards saying come on in and take a hand i was wiped out i was embarrassed and humiliated words cannot encompass the symbolism of what i felt i remember when i was unloading the furniture and i began to cry my sister came by you know you didn't have any money to buy no house mr big time hadn't given me a quarter [Applause] you know mama got a bad heart now y'all back where you belong as i was crying in my head down taking furniture and my mama said hold your head up i said mama i said i just feel so bad about this mama she said hold your head up and dry your tears you have nothing to be shamed up and i did as we unloaded that furniture in that house for several weeks i was numb i was immobilized with anger if i had seen that guy [Music] i was thinking about flying to philadelphia i had all kind of dreams about him and i didn't want to hit this guy here hitting would been too good for him i just want to just grab him and just bite him just i just made him found him they say well we found this guy just chewing on him beating would have been too good for him i'd just bit him every time he might i'd have been like a doberman pincher yeah god would just say i thought i made everything but i don't know where this came from i was reading a book on forgiveness and they had a line in that says forgive and grow i had to let that luggage go you see your mind is is you know when you go into a service station to get gas you don't go in there and just start pumping when you push the lever up it clears the previous bill by the same token if you want to begin to move you've got to clear your mind of all the unnecessary luggage and baggage that's weighing us down i couldn't move i couldn't think about what am i going to do to get out of this situation because i was so concerned about what happened and what he did to me and how bad it was i was so stuck in that i couldn't even focus on what i should have done feeling sorry for myself and angry and none of that was taking me anywhere so pretty soon i i learned through effort made a conscious deliberate determined effort i had to let it go i had to forgive it let it go and begin to focus on developing myself and i say to you you're going to have people to do things to you things are going to happen to you and the most important thing to do is to harness your will and let it go and move so you can grow so you can get on with your life it doesn't matter about what happens to you what matters is what are you going to do about it amen what are you going to do now less huh how long are you going to tell everybody at the bus stop and anybody who would stand and listen to you how long you're going to repeat the same thing over and over and over and over and over again how many times do we have to hear that don't go around telling people what your story is everybody has a story 80 percent don't care and 20 glad it's you [Applause] they say i'm glad that didn't happen to me sometimes you think you got some problems you had somebody else problem and if that problem is real bad it make you feel good am i right all right decide to let that go all of us got stories to tell chicken man allowed his tragedy to destroy his life all of us have experienced some tragedy and if we haven't we will and you can either let it destroy your life or you can build upon it you can permit it to let you let it hold you down or you can decide i'm not going to let that happen to me i'm bigger than this make a declaration to yourself declare all out war that you're going to get out of this rut i don't murphy's law will be knocking at your door why i don't know why that's called life and you have to deal with it sometimes your life will be in a slump just like sports some of the best shooters can't hit baskets different times in games they get in a slump do they sit on the sideline and say you know i just didn't hit a basket today no they continue to execute i suggest to you that if you are facing a challenge don't stop stay busy work your plan continue to do those things that you know that work for you after you have evaluated yourself in the situation continue to move stay busy stay busy stay busy repeat after me help somebody and help yourself because what you give is what you get find somebody that you can help so you can forget about you for a moment see sometimes the best thing to do is to be sometimes you have to just back up and go within yourself a bow and arrow you you can't take a bow and just push it out of there you just can't push the arrow out you have to pull it back and then release it sometimes you have to back up and go within and pray and meditate and recharge your batteries go away clear your head and then come back and look at it from a different vantage point don't operate while you're under the spell or the effect of what's going on next thing is that you've got to activate the thinker in you don't allow your emotions to control you we are emotional but you want to begin to discipline your emotion if you don't discipline and contain your emotions they will use you your mind goes on automatic just like a god you know i loved reading the book called as a man thinking by james allen he uses the analogy of the mind being like a garden you know weeds don't have to have any encouragement to grow you don't have to water them they don't have to get sunshine they don't have to have feral ground they will grow through the cracks of a sidewalk am i right but if you want to grow orchids or roses or any kind of exotic flowers there are special processes and procedures you must go through well by the same token you don't have to force yourself or motivate yourself to think negatively to be depressed to hate somebody to want revenge you want to get back at somebody to beat yourself up over the head to feel loaded with guilt you don't have to make any effort to do that your mind is on automatic it will do that by itself but if you want to begin to move into your own personal greatness if you want to begin to really enjoy a happy successful healthy life you've got to be willing to go against the tide you've got to be willing to harness your will and say in spite of this i'm in control here i'm not going to let this get me down i'm not going to let this destroy me i'm coming back and i'll be stronger and better because of it you have got to make a declaration that this is what you stand for you're standing up for your dreams you're standing up for peace of mind you're standing up for health [Music] you want it and you're going to go all out to have it it's not going to be easy when you want to change it's not easy if it were in fact easy everybody would do it but if you're serious you'll go all out to yes i'm going to turn this situation around i'm not going to sit back and and moan and cry over what happened and what went wrong and who did what i'm going to do something about this situation [Music] the next thing that is important is that expect things to get better for you because they are see life is cyclic you're not what is exp whatever experience you're having right now it has not come to stay it has come to pass not to stay just to pass it's just going through the biggest challenges is to know what's happening this is a part of this thing we call life this too shall pass and maintaining perspective putting it in perspective i was doing a training at a college and it was a two-day training during orientation and in the training that i provide i'm a motivational speaker but i conduct processes in personal dynamics where people begin to go through changes that stimulate the right and left hemisphere the brain enable them to see themselves differently i conducted this particular simulation with these young kids 17 and 18 years of age so that they would begin to see how they make decisions and how they would survive in this particular simulation process we gave them we had them to do it individually and then collectively over 30 percent of them wrote down as their first option in order to survive they would commit suicide first thing they wrote down suicide among young people has increased 300 percent over 5000 will successfully take their lives this year why why did he do that they defensive i was so shocked i said what do you mean well at least we would not suffer and then they had the nerve to write down all of the other things they were going to do after they committed suicide i said listen codumbo now when you when you come up with a permanent solution for a temporary problem that's it game's over that's it you're not going to do anything anybody wrote suicide at the top you can put your pencil down [Music] see a lot of us because of our limited vision of ourselves a lot of us who begin to focus on problems and enable them to overwhelm us we begin to think that we have no options we begin to believe that there's no way out repeat after me there's always a way where there's a will there's a way shake somebody's hand on your right left and say i'm unstoppable you've got to make those kind of declarations to yourself i'm unstoppable this will not get me down and if i get knocked down i'm gonna be like um leo pascal you said you're gonna have some low moments in life but when you do you will have high lows when you work on yourself what are some of those things that you can do during this period of time go for walks do some things for you just go for a stroll so you can engage in some reflective thinking on life on yourself looking and enjoying the universe smelling the roses along the way listen to upbeat music music that inspire you i have only but goodies i have strategies that i engage in to recharge my batteries i'm preparing for that because i know things are going to happen that i cannot anticipate very good friend of mine died the other day i had a program for myself i have books that i read that inspire me tapes that i listen to that fire me up because you're going to have sometimes low moments when you won't want to get out of bed you just want to stay there at times you won't want to come out the house the times you'll be feeling bad and don't know why what's wrong i don't know just leave me alone why did that happen i don't know it's called life the other thing is take full responsibility for your life accept where you are and the responsibility that you're going to take yourself where you want to go someone said we have two primary choices in life we can either accept conditions as they exist or we can take the responsibility to change them see a lot of people want to exempt themselves from taking responsibility all they want to do is talk about the problem every time you see them they'll tell you their story over and over and over and over again no no you want to take responsibility for your life i got me here i can get me out of this and i'm getting out i'm not going to be a volunteer victim george bernard shaw said there are two kinds of people in life you know he said those that make things happen those that watch things happen and those that don't know what happened and he said the people that get along in this life look around for the circumstances that they want and if they can't find them they make them they create them so part of beginning to get unstuck you've got to decide that the behavior pattern that you have adopted doesn't work for you you got to change your strategies and changing your strategy means reinventing your life recreating you and you have the power to do that you can decide that you're going to change that you're not going to be a wimp you can decide that you're going to stand up to life you can decide that i'm going to live each day as if it were my last you can you have the power to make that decision you can decide i'm going to work on myself and develop myself i'm going to empower me and all of these things that are happening to me right now they're just temporary inconveniences they're not stronger than i am i'm in charge here next thing is separate what you do from who you are that's what the guilt trap is about see a lot of folk won't let you forget what you used to do or what you have done what mistakes you've made all of us have made some mistakes in life all of us have done some things that if we had them to do over again we wouldn't do it again a lot of things that if i had it to do over again if i knew then what i know now i would have done it differently well it didn't happen that way and that's what you call life i didn't do it like that oh you don't want me to let that down you want to keep on putting that in my face about what i did guess what i'm not interested that's what i did then won't do it today so you're picking on an innocent man hello [Music] so as you're in the process of reinventing your life write a description of the kind of person that you want to be what are the things that you must overcome what qualities about your personality you know that you're going to have to change because those particular characteristics are liabilities to you what are your assets what are your strong points look at and evaluating yourself to make that determination other thing is that in order to get out of a rut we need some coaching find some trusted critics people that you know care about you love you there's some things that keeps us from growing and getting out of ruts number one we identify with feedback we take it personal when someone wants to give us some feedback on where we are falling short and tell us about our blind spots we want to have everything being positive about us we're not perfect it's it hurts i i have a friend who's a trusted critic i don't like him but i love him he doesn't tell me the things i want to hear he tell me what i need to hear so i can grow it hurts it hurts when he put me on a hot seat i can't stand it but that's the only way that i can grow and i'm glad that he loves me enough to risk our friendship to tell me what i need to hear not what i want to hear get a support group somebody that you can talk to people who perhaps might have a similar problem support groups are very powerful that you can share some of the challenges that you're going through and it might be a situation where one person can give you an idea of how they handle that situation and create an opening for you begin to stimulate some possibilities in your mind on how you can resolve the problem we can't grow by ourselves as i mentioned before we grow from people and projects the other thing is about life when things happen to you when you permit things to use you you can't change the past but you can interpret you can reinterpret how you see it for years i was going around with a heavy load on my shoulders feeling bad because i was adopted doing interviews for adoption agencies in foster homes and i was on television once and i i told these people in this particular interview that i was given away my twin brother and i when we were six weeks of age a friend of mine fortunately was listening to the program and she said les like to have lunch with you and so i went over to see her she said when a woman carries a baby for nine months feeling that life movement in her it's automatic and natural for her to learn to love that baby to expect it to come here when she bears the pain to bring it into the world your mother mamie brown when she came in to adopt you guys she didn't go through that process she looked at whoever your biological mother was and said i'll take him you weren't giving away less you were chosen with love same circumstances same event but it an interpretation that empowers me am i making sense to you yeah so when you begin to look at your past give an interpretation that empowers you that's where i used to be that's not where i am now i'm growing now i want you to think about in your mind right now think about some particular event or act in your life that you feel very bad about you really regret that that took place if you had to do over again you would do it differently with that there i want you to see yourself in your mind's eye and say to yourself i love myself unconditionally and i forgive myself if i knew better i would have done better i want you to think about somebody that that caused you some pain cost you some disappointment somebody that you don't like let me tell you something about the mind how it uses you tell you something super stupid that i'd used to do do you know for years i hated my mother and my father whoever they were because they gave me away as i thought at that point in time and guess what i didn't have any faces for the hatred because i never saw either one of them [Music] and i said i hate them for that and then once i forgave them and said it's okay had they not given me away i would have never been blessed to have the mother that i have who to me is the greatest mother in the world so the universe unfolds as it should but when i went through this process saying forgive them i remember in my mind as i was trying to picture these people i had two individuals in my mind standing there with no faces because i didn't know how they look but i release that i let that luggage go think about somebody that you've heard somebody that you've disappointed either deliberately or inadvertently or someone that has hurt you deliberately or inadvertently think about them somebody that that you really really when you think about them the the room turns red look at them in your mind's eye and say i forgive you i forgive you unconditionally boy that's a heavy load to let off when i thought about that guy i said wait a minute i can't not no you don't know what this guy did this was my mama you don't know what we went through my students said les forgive let it go if you want to be forgiven you better forgive somebody none of us are perfect all of us have made some mistakes and it wasn't easy it's not easy forgiving am i right it's not everybody won't forgive they say i forgive but i don't forget now let it go so you can grow let's get a little demonstration here throw it over on this side here right demonstrate it like this let's go i throw away negative thoughts revenge guilt anything that's been holding me back now with that right hand let's bring something in i bring in love peace of mind good relationships whole lot of money i don't know why people raise their voices when we say hold on i mean they get serious too you know and usually people don't use one hand they use two hands they try to borrow somebody else's head you know

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Keywords: motivation quotes, motivation speaker, motivation, motivation quotation, motivational video, self motivation, les brown, les brown invest in yourself, self investment, les brown speeches

Id: QzeTzOpKd5U

Length: 36min 24sec (2184 seconds)

Published: Sun Aug 23 2020