Leaders Eat Last | Simon Sinek

when we feel safe amongst our own the natural reaction is trust and cooperation when we do not feel safe amongst our own the natural reaction is cynicism paranoia and self-interest so the question is how do you create a circle of safety as it turns out the human body is built the exact same way as any organization if we want to direct the behavior of people inside our organization what do we do we develop all sorts of incentive systems we give them a target we give them a goal we offer some sort of bonus and what do people do they work towards the goals that we set we direct their behavior works perfectly effectively it works the same way with children we give them gold stars and we get them to do the things that we want it works perfectly fine inside the human body are certain incentives that work exactly the same way and if you've ever had a feeling of pride status accomplishment love trust friendship loyalty all of these feelings that I'll generically call happiness are basically produced by four chemicals inside our bodies they are endorphins dopamine serotonin and oxytocin ed so every single feeling that we basically know as happiness is controlled by these four chemicals and what they're trying to do is incentivize us to get us to repeat behaviors at an hour that are in our best interest in other words to get us to cooperate to get us to trust it is our natural disposition to want to trust and cooperate and we're always looking for it which is why the sense of belonging is so powerful we're always seeking out people who are like us we want to be next to people who are like us the first chemical endorphins we've all heard of an endorphin rush a runner's high endorphins have one purpose in one purpose only to mask physical pain that's it in our modern day and age with supermarkets and cars we don't really use endorphins for survival much anymore but there are other ways you can get into orphans laughing for example when we laugh it's actually an endorphin rush you're actually convulsing your internal organs and so endorphins are released to mass that pain we've all had the experience where we laugh so hard we say stop stop it hurts because the endorphins have run out dopamine dopamine is the feeling you get when you find something you looking for or you accomplish a goal you set out to accomplish you know that remarkable feeling you get when you cross something off your to-do list ah that's dopamine this is why we are told that you must write down your goals if you want to achieve them if you don't write down your goals you you won't achieve your goals there's some truth to this we're very visual animals you have to be able to see the target and then it directs the dopamine directors to stay focused on their target the whole idea of metrics is to count progress to make us feel like we're making progress towards the goal we're not supposed to be obsessed with the metrics we're supposed to be obsessed with the destination metrics are silly it's simply a way to help us feel like we're getting towards it this is why we have a vision statement they call it a vision statement because you have to be able to see it so that it focuses us towards that vision the problem is most vision statements are absolutely useless it's because they're abstract and we can't imagine them in our minds eye we can't see them you know so many vision statements are to be the biggest to be the best to be the fastest to be the most respected respected by whom your mother I can't understand this what if I were to tell you you'll get a bonus if you accomplish more how much more you ask me more doesn't work we're no good with the abstract we need things to be specific we need to be them we need them to be visual among most of the incentive systems that we have built inside our companies our dopamine incentive systems they're individual incentives we give people a target and we offer them a bonus and we offer them that is the primary means we drive behavior and so what happens is people will do exactly what we want and they will work for the dopamine and they'll hit the first target and then we'll give them another bonus we'll hit the second target and you can become addicted you can actually become addicted to performance you can actually become addicted to making the numbers inside a company and the problem is like all addiction in time you actually waste resources waste time and destroy relationships ironically it is not the best way to get a company to grow and the reason is is because dopamine and endorphins are selfish chemicals you don't need anyone's help to get them go for a run work your to-do list get your goals set you're good to go you don't need any help you can do by yourself the problem is the feelings don't last their very short-term you lose them quickly as soon as you achieve something nobody here is excited about the numbers they hit four years ago it's gone on to the next and this is the problem this is the problem we actually work against each other too much dopamine in the system we actually become more selfish not more selfless and as we know from the circle of safety as we know our best opportunities are to work together to face the dangers outside and seize the opportunities not to work by ourselves this is why the other two chemicals exist serotonin and oxytocin are the selfless chemicals there are the social chemicals they are the chemicals responsible for trust and loyalty and cooperation without these chemicals we'd all be working by ourselves and we would not do very well we're not very good by ourselves the first one serotonin is the leadership chemical this feeling of pride it's the feeling of status the feeling leaders have this is why they walk like this right it's responsible for self confidence as well right if you think about there are ways to get serotonin one of the ways to get serotonin is public recognition this is why events are very important public events company events are very very important right it's because we put a room of our peers together and we single somebody out just like to single out Peter Peter can you stand up please great job on the meeting today we just want to say thank you did a superb job Peter feels good he feels his status rising feels valuable you know we all want to feel valuable amongst our own tribe you all want to feel that our work is valued by our peers and our bosses and so when we have it pointed out publicly amongst the group it actually makes us feel good and valuable and others see us as valuable and we feel status rise we feel proud and it builds our confidence serotonin works best when it's shared what it's attempting to do is reinforce the relationship between parent and child coach and player bus an employee leader and follow it's attempting to reinforce the relationship between the person who sacrifices so that you may gain and the person who's the recipient of your sacrifice and we like to work hard because we want to make those who sacrificed for us we want to make them proud we want them to feel that their sacrifice was worth it that's why when we give an award to somebody the first person they thank is God their parents their boss their coach whoever sacrificed so they could achieve something on this great day it's the first person they thank I couldn't have done it without their support they love their sacrifice and if we give it to the boss or the coach we give them an award they stand up then what's the first person who's the first person they thanked couldn't have done it without my team they say and the team sits then goes and it's shared and what we do is we work hard for each other the person who's responsible and in the in charge is reinforced to continue to give and see that that they will achieve something great and we continue to work hard to make them proud and prove to them that their sacrifice was worth it we don't want to let people down we're not accountable to numbers we're accountable to people we're constantly assessing and judging each other whose alpha whose beta whose dominant to us it's not a fixed standard it's a relative standard if you've ever met someone in your nervous meeting them you're not the Alpha we've all had the experience where someone's met us and we can sense that they're nervous meeting us you're the Alpha right we're constantly judging and assessing each other we're hierarchical animals you can't put a group of people in a room and say you guys are all equals it doesn't work that way we always self organize and the reason is because when we assess that someone is alpha to us we voluntarily take a step back and allow them to eat first our leaders get first choice of meat and first choice of mate we may not get the best choice of meat but we get to eat eventually and we don't get an elbow in the face good system to this day we are perfectly comfortable with somebody more senior than us getting preferential treatment not a single person in this room has a problem with somebody more senior than you making more money than you doesn't bother us at all we might think they're an idiot but it doesn't actually bother us that they make more money nobody has a problem with somebody more senior having a better parking space or a bigger office it doesn't bother us in fact we sometimes expect it it's because we're proud to do things and shows a deference to those more athletic judges alpha and if you're the recipient of that deference if you're the one called sir or ma'am if you're the one who gets given a cup of tea as soon as you walk into the room even though you didn't ask for it if somebody holds the door for you or carries your luggage for you well you're the one making more money and enjoying all the perks you feel the love you feel valued by your tribe you feel the serotonin you feel your confidence rise and it feels good this is why we're all trying to vie to raise our status in the society because it feels good it comes with certain perks it's good to be the king and you should enjoy those perks however they don't come for free there's a cost for being the leader you see as a Marine Corps general told me the cost of leadership is self-interest and he's right you see the group is not stupid yes we gave our alpha this preferential treatment yes we gave them first choice of meat yes we gave them first choice of mate yes we show them all this deference and they get all that confidence as a result of all the serotonin and the reason is because when danger threatens the tribe we expect the person who's actually stronger who's actually better fed and who's actually filled with all that additional confidence to rush towards the danger to protect us that's the cost of leadership that's why we gave them first choice of mate because they might die first we want to keep their genes in the gene pool we're not stupid that's what leaders do they're willing to take the risk and sacrifice their perks or comfort when it matters to protect their people you should enjoy all the perks you've earned them however are you willing to sacrifice the numbers to save the people would you sacrifice the people to save the numbers only one of those choices makes you a leader oxytocin oxytocin is everyone's favorite chemical it's the feeling of love it's the feeling of trust it's the feeling of loyalty it's all the warm and fuzzies unicorns and rainbows like I said multiple ways to get moxie oxytocin one way physical contact right this is why children hold on to us makes them feel safe it's why we hug the people we love because it feels good it's why athletes high-five it's why when someone's hurt or someone's depressed we touch them we kiss them on the forehead we rub their legs hey they're there don't worry it'll be okay we put we put our hands on our friends shoulders when we sense that they're tense because oxytocin relaxes us and it makes us feel safe and it makes us feel that someone's there for us and it gives us the confidence to try again because we know someone's there you think business is about terms and contracts it's not it's about our pursuit to find circles of safety business is looking for human relationships to find people around whom we can feel safe and this is one of the most valuable tools you have imagine you're about to sign a deal with someone and you come to sign the contract and they say we're so excited and you say we're so excited and you say great and they say no no we don't need I don't need to shake your hand let's just get this contract sign and start the deal and you go great and they say no no no I don't need to shake your hand let's just do this I agree to all the terms you just got all the terms you ask for and yet they're simple refusal to shake your hand to create the human bond of trust means one of two things will happen you will either scuttle the deal or you will go into it nervous because they wouldn't shake your hand oxytocin trust safety if someone does a good job you want to criticize somebody instead of doing it on email stand up walk across the hallway knock on the door and say nice job today and if you can't do that pick up the telephone pick up the phone and say hey just wanted to say nice job and they'll say the only reason you called you go uh-huh and they go wow I've done it what should happen people are amazed that you would spend the time simply to say thank you or if there is a criticism that you would spend the time to pay them the service to do it yourself as opposed to on some email leadership is a sacrifice sometimes that sacrifice comes in terms of your comforts your profits sometimes that sacrifice comes in terms of your time and your energy and the best leaders are the ones were willing to sacrifice for their people leadership is a choice it is not a rank I know many people at the top of organizations who are not leaders and I know many people at the bottom of organizations who absolutely are leaders and when you're willing to do that and your people feel confident that you would do that you are rewarded with their love and their loyalty and they will gladly give you their blood and their sweat and their tears and sacrifice themselves to see that your vision is advanced and the more oxytocin we have in our systems the more good we want to do it actually makes us more generous and as I said before it may our immune system it makes us happy it makes us healthier why because the human body is desperately trying to get us to look after each other the greatest feeling we can get is when we do something nice for each other on purpose so that we will do nice things for each other and if we see people do nice things for each other it makes us want to do nice things to each other why because the human body is trying to get us to look after us ourselves happy people live longer happy people oxytocin also does something to the frontal lobe it makes you a better problem-solver it makes you smarter when you work amongst people with whom you trust there's one more chemical I haven't told you about it's called cortisol the Big C cortisol is the feeling of stress it is the feeling of anxiety it is the feeling of tension it is the feeling you get when you're not sure what's going to happen cortisol is designed to do one thing and one thing only keep you alive it is an early warning alarm system the problem is cortisol is not supposed to stay in our systems it's supposed to inject in our system keep us alive at this danger and then leave but when we work in companies when we work in environments in which there is low gauge stress all the time because we don't trust trust each other drip drip drip someone comes to work and says I think there's gonna be redundancies today and everybody goes good now everybody's worried no everybody's paranoid never who knows tense and guess what nobody's getting any work done that day because everything is about stay alive stay alive stay alive we react the exact same way we become paranoid I know I shouldn't spoken up the meeting oh I knew I should have done that because we don't trust each other we fear that our leaders would sooner sacrifice us to save the numbers would never sacrifice the numbers to save us if we just know that that's the case and it happens every year drip drip drip that's why we have stress at work it's because there's this low-grade cortisol in our body is at all time there's a problem with that you see cortisol is an oxytocin inhibitor it doesn't want us to be empathetic when there's danger it wants us to stay alive cortisol makes us unbelievably selfish paranoid stressed tense it literally inhibits the chemical that makes us happier healthier and empathetic to find all that extra energy to make us paranoid and keep us alive cortisol has to turn things off non-essential systems one of the systems it turns off is growth we don't need your fingernails to grow at the time of danger it also turns off your immune system it's not supposed to stay in your system but when you have low grade cortisol in your body what happens is it screws with your immune system and so all of these diseases cancer heart disease diabetes are on the rise not because of partially hydrogenated oils or fizzy drinks our jobs are literally killing us this is the effect of bad leadership we're literally shortening the lives of the people who work for us we are giving them cancer and diabetes and heart disease and because they don't feel safe we don't feel that they have our backs and we're killing ourselves in the process does this work differently we in with gender men and women were differently yes they are wired differently mm-hmm women tend to be more comfortable with this stuff because it's mushy and soft you know it's not that these things are mushy and soft it's that just they're harder to measure right the how do you measure the quality of trust it's very hard how do you measure if we made the numbers very easy testosterone is an is also an oxytocin inhibitor this is why traditionally we like men to be policemen I don't care what your Excuse is you're coming with me you know there's less empathy right men have less empathy because of the testosterone they do biologically there it's an oxytocin inhibitor which is why when you have oh like an investment bank a lot of men and a lot of machismo and a lot of competition it really can be quite destructive if there's bad leadership you have it in the military as well and it is not as destructive because there's good leadership so yes women tend to be better at this I actually believe that we need more it's not that we need more female leaders per se it's that we need more leaders who act like females females just have an inherent advantage you know traditionally leadership has been male leadership aggression make the numbers unapologetic make decisions right and yet the balance of the chemicals which tend to be more traditionally female qualities things like empathy gratitude patience care are things that are very important in all genders and all leaders women have an advantage of those so it's once again it's about balance I tend to believe that great leaders actually come in pairs mum and dad you know you know when we when we when we when we achieve something great in our careers it makes our fathers proud when we're good people it makes our mothers proud right and so I tend to believe good leaders even in companies tend to come in pairs you tend to have the more visionary empathetic people focus you tend to have the more operator let's get this done let's measure everything and it's the tension of the two that actually make a very functional it creates balance yes so thank you very much bit of a follow on from the last one actually but I'm interested in the difference between all the triggers between conscious thought and the kinesthetic feelings yeah and how they actually which which is the Alpha in there in which Lee twitch and how can you turn them on or off boy these hard questions all of these chemicals are produced in our limbic brains and our limbic brains are responsible for our feelings and it's responsible for all of our behavior and decision-making but it is not responsible for rational and analytical thought and it's not responsible for language we share the limbic brain and all these chemicals with all the social mammals we're all the same we have a neocortex which is our Homo Sapien brain which gives us the capacity for rational and analytical thought and language the the problem with being human the problem with the neocortex is that we want to make sense of everything and we want to explain everything and so when we have a feeling where a gazelle just reacts to the feeling we want to figure out where the feeling is coming from you know and so this can drive us mad right and it and it can actually feed it good or bad we create stories in our heads that can really make it quite maddening what's quite remarkable about the conscious and subconscious brains if you will the conscious brain has access to the equivalent of four feet of information around you so this is the information we access when we have brainstorming or we do the pros and the cons or we think about the problem or we access our expertise right this is our conscious brain the subconscious brain has access to the equivalent of eleven acres of information in other words every lesson you've ever learned every experiencing of the head gets stored away and the reality is the value of the brainstorming session is actually not the brainstorming session it's the asking of the question because your subconscious brain will continue to think about things not really think but think about things even when you're not thinking about them right but if the questions never asked it won't so the value of the brainstorming is the posing of the question and then when you're lying in bed or go for a run or in the car or in the shower all of a sudden you go oh my god that's the answer right that they come from nowhere they didn't come from nowhere it's because your brain is always working out problems and posing the problem at work and then allowing it to sit allows your brain to go into all those other experiences you've had and know what to do this is why experiences and curiosity and talking to each other really matters because you will file these things away and you will access them when you need them

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Keywords: Simon Sinek, Vistage, VistageUK, Vistage UK, Leaders, Executive Coaching, Business Coaching, Motivation, Dopamine, Serotonin, Endorphins, Cortisol, Oxytocin, Sinek, Business, Vistage Works, Keynote, MD, CEO, MD Training, Business Training, Peer Advisory, Advisory Board, millennials, IQ, Information quest

Id: 4gUL76lV7gk

Length: 23min 7sec (1387 seconds)

Published: Mon Mar 10 2014