Late Night with Fr. John Riccardo

[Music] as iris is getting wired up maybe I can just share a couple things I might just share something with you if I can about a vision that I have for us right now and particularly as kind of a young family community so I think a lot of you know we were away this week at the convocation with the priests and the archbishop it's about two hundred and thirty of us or so we're up north and Archbishop just did a great job at one point just kind of talking about the pastoral letter unleash the gospel in it as we were talking about families and the importance of families and you know he just seep saying over and over again like families is at the heart of everything right because there isn't anything that that you care more about than your family and so on so many levels you know what sandy and Anne and I and kind of our whole pastoral team what we're trying to do is just look at different ways we can equip you walk with you encourage you so that the way I would put it to borrow a phrase from a guy who I think really highly of it you guys can spiritually multiply so these Knights are one small attempt right this is just a little modest thing where we can kind of get together meet people like iris and see some of the good work she's doing get some good insight from her maybe learn some things not maybe learn some things you get a sobered perspective because the the kids that I receive we're hoping that she wouldn't see oftentimes so so this is a modest event the connect Knights that we're doing on Wednesday nights is another attempt so maybe just to put a little plug in for the connect Knights these are open for any parent whether you're in the school you know delicious ed program with your homeschool the idea behind to connect is to try to gather families together have the kids go off at kind of age-appropriate levels where they would learn particular information while they're gone myself Deacon Dave father Dave will teach basically a month's worth of material to you to teach to your kids so I keep thinking back some of you ordered here at the time 10 years ago or so I called a a mandatory parent meeting everybody got all upset I don't really care I'm gone a year and a half you get set at me all you want I'm just free as a bird right now and I remember one of the guys stood up and he's very active in the parish and he just said I am so sick and tired of being told I am the primary educator of my child I have no idea how to educate my child in the faith and that's been in the back of my mind for so long ever since then right so the connect groups are an attempt to help you educate your children in the faith so that's what those are about you're all welcome there's info and how do they get info on that from the website yeah yeah so just old juicy parish net reading encourage they can still sign up right first one is next Wednesday okay first official session October 11th that's another attempt here's a third thing so this is kinda like my big vision for what I'm hoping to do so some of you if you got a pen write this down Curtis Martin see you are T is Martin seek SEK 2017 keynote address and I think it's entitled you can be a game-changer Curtis is the founder co-founder of focus ministries focused ministries is the fellowship of Catholic University students it is in my mind anyway if it's not the best and most vibrant apostolate and college campuses right now I don't know what is so they do an annual conference the one last year was down in San Antonio they 12,000 kids Curtis Martin seek SEK 2017 you can be a game-changer I believe is the title of it so Curtis talks about this is basically their methodology and focus so focus is just an extraordinary outreach which doesn't just evangelize kids it Disciples kids huge difference right so evangelization is just sharing the gospel with people it could be a one-time thing right discipleship is walking with somebody mentoring somebody and so he talks about what he calls me borrows this phrase from a I think a Pentecostal an evangelical which is what's called the method of the Masters so it's actually really humorous you know he says so you know here's the here's the Bible and you know the way he does it like we get in trouble like right there page one and then we wait you know we wait all this time we wait all this time and then boom here comes Jesus Jesus shows up after all this waiting and what does he do so he's the savior of the world he's gonna redeem all of creation what does he do he finds 12 guys and he goes camping for 3 years he invests this the way Curtis puts it he invests deeply in a few that's how you disciple people like like I can't disciple a parish I can evangelize a parish as a priest I can't disciple a parish I can disciple 3 people maybe it's been a really convicting thought for me personally I share that with you because one of the challenges I'd begun to do this with families so I did one we've set aside these Friday nights where we've done one I'm doing another one next Friday where we've got couples that I've just reached out to I might reach out to some of you so we set aside one a month and I just asked them invite six seven couples to your house and I go I say Mass you bring the kids whatever it's great love that the kids we have a dinner we pay for the dinner feed people really well around here be like should be like 350 pounds you know but um because I can eat and then afterwards we just I just kind of lay out a vision and a challenge and the challenge goes something like this so what I'm doing right now is I'm getting people together who I think are disciple makers in other words they they have a desire and an aptitude to make disciples themselves so they are disciples and they want to make more disciples so we have dinner we have a great conversation kind of show the Curtis video and then I just offer a challenge to them and I say here's the challenge guys consider as a couple pray talk amongst each other who's the one or two people Lord right now maybe it's a single man or woman maybe it's another married couple that you are asking us to mentor to disciple and then invite them to your house and just start walking with them that's the only way the school culture changes it's the only way people the school culture changes it's the only way the after school culture changes it's the only way the culture changes it is the method of the master and I shared this with a young guy he's younger than me when I came back from an event and just kind of threw out a challenge to him I said hey I want you to think about this he says I already got a guy in mind so he he tells me who the guy is young single guy so we ran into him at church and he this is all he got out of his mouth hey would you like to and the guy said yes which is just indicative of the hunger of younger people from Mentors and so this guy is in college he goes out with them they grab coffee every week every other week he stays in touch with him he can have conversations with him he just he just loves him you know hey you're dating my see it's great she's really beautiful Cassie's got to be an issue how's that going that's mentoring that's disciple embody that's walking with them and I shared that with you because you wouldn't have come tonight if you're not interested in doing something similar right that's why sure so I would ask you to think about that as well as you're leaving here tonight and over this you know it could be this weekend at mass cuz it could be somebody who's at mass or who's there sometimes it could be somebody in the school maybe some of the after-school program could be some of your kids play sports with could be somebody lose across the street but if you pray and talk as a couple Lord who are the hoos though either the one individual or the one individual and the couple that you're inviting us to walk with to invest in it will be huge so he Curtis calls up this woman at one point it sounds the reason why it's difficult for me is because it sounds like this is just not going to work so he calls this woman up in the video at one point who went to Kansas so she graduates graduate from Kansas she herself was discipled by a young student at Kansas and then she started working for focus he says how great you know so tell me about that and her routine is something like wow you know first year I just I pulled two girls and then five and then seven he goes great okay so you did two five seven okay it's not ten thousand fifty thousand one hundred thousand two five seven great you know what happened to them are any of them here yeah actually they're all here boom they come under the stage then he says so what happened after that well these these five the they discipled 71 more whoa great are any of them here yeah call them under the stage what they do well they decide what eighty-six more already them here yeah so sure enough sooner or later there's like 120 people on the stage and Kurtis just steps back and he says do you see what happened here one person invested deeply in this girl Kelsey and this is the fruit so focus talks about it sounds like a shameless plug for focus I don't work for focus you know focus talks about four things and the fourth thing that they talk about and this all ties in with what we're doing here this is why we try to gather you all together is something that I don't think most Catholics think about and I'm not sure about most evangelicals either certainly not most Catholics so he talks about here's the four marks of the disciple maker divine intimacy with the Lord in prayer so it's just a non-negotiable my life that the center of my life is prayer authentic friendship with others so deep love for the Lord that's the vertical relationship deep friendship with others which tragically is something we just increasingly realized that's just it's not just a problem for young people we got people in the school in the after school program who have pretty much admitted to us I don't know how to make friends I just know how to go to my kids game that's what we are so divine intimacy authentic friendship faithfulness so a desire to be holy right to give my life to the Lord to really place it under his lordship but for most Catholics but you know what are you go to church or now okay a og okay most Catholics it kind of stops there hey I'm holy we don't say that of course cuz we're not there but that's like that's the Echelon like made it I'm really living a righteous I'm living a virtuous life right Curtis adds a fourth thing so divine intimacy authentic friendship faithfulness and forth fruitfulness you don't even so when you die and it's just a question of wind the Lord's gonna say who'd you bring who's with you and I think you know one of the one of the big radical overhauls that the Archbishop's calling for this culture change that he's asking for and praying for in the archdiocese right now with us unleash the gospel is that we would stop looking to the clergy and to the staff as the people who are gonna do this Oh our task really is is simply it's so backwards it's our task is just to equip you to do it that's why this is going on that's why connect groups going on that's why we're doing these Friday night initiatives that's really the heart of every that's what acts 29s about that's why that tents up there still time to join that that's really worth coming to it's just trying to equip people to do the work of mission and you all live in Mission territory and you know the people who aren't there every Sunday you should be looking around a church going who is not here that should be here because there are people not here right now that should be here where are they well how're they gonna get there they're not gonna get there with a call from me they're gonna get there from an invitation from you but the invitation from you might be just hey you want to come over for dinner and and and even in that dinner maybe maybe nothing explicitly happens about the gospel maybe just grace or maybe it does but you're just building friendships this is not a Ponzi scheme you don't get anything out of it huh you're giving something I'm given faith I'm given witness I'm showing somebody the difference that only Jesus can make in a family and you guys know better than me what's going on families so I drove home yesterday from up north for hours and and the entire car ride I mean the entire car ride was talking to people whose families are just busted abuse issues divorce issues unfaithfulness issues doesn't matter what it is addiction issues this is the common lot of all of us right I mean this is our lives it's not their lives it's our lives where we're all in this together right and so as you keep getting closer connections with each other you know you come to a thing like this then you Sunday you see each other it's like there's the chanson it's great you know there's the more it's great like I know I got allies here it just helps to find people that you can link arms with so that's what this is all about that's really the vision that we have okay so iris has become just a dear sister she knew my brother because my brother did work in crisis pregnancy as well and so I think he knew you before I did and so we met late spring maybe I think and I just kind of like instantly fell in love with the passion and the vision that she has and her desire to really work with with young women and I asked her at a certain point we had breakfast sometime after that do you ever go to Catholic schools and teach her what not different just go to talk to parents well I would like well good you're going to so I asked her she'd come here and I mainly asked her to come here because I heard her say in a conversation I won't name the Catholic school but she was given a presentation at a Catholic school but the work she does at arbor woman which I'll let her describe it's it's a tremendous outreach for women who are facing unexpected pregnancies so she gives us you know presentation and young woman walks up to her and sees her at the offices hey I know you if she's like you do she goes yeah you gave a presentation at my school that's the wrong response oh you don't want to know that right you weren't listening right like you shouldn't have come to me after I gave a presentation at your school new you know so the moment I heard that I just thought well we got a lot of kids like that um and I just thought the wisdom she has in the unique perspective she has you know that that tent over there the vision that we have for acts 29 and what we're doing on Wednesday nights is just trying to arm people to to live as if we are all trauma doctors in the field hospital and she is at the front lines of the trauma so we're really honored to have you with us and grateful and and you're gonna have you may not be I don't hate because I can't hear you yeah you know I might pass this to you when I'm done cuz I'm gonna let you talk for a second with this but or just hold that in front of you so tell us a little bit about yourself and about your work would you iris that's for myself I am I was born and for the first probably seven eight years raised in Chicago Illinois in a neighborhood that is now boarded up because I grew up in the ghetto I am the child that today is part of a campaign that says these children should be aborted they're born to single black women my mom was 20 when she realized she was pregnant with me she had her life ahead of her she wanted to be a Spiegel's model I'm 57 so if anybody remembers Spiegel's she was on her way living in Chicago and when I came along she decided no I'm gonna be a mom but again she had no resources I was actually raised by a woman that I grew up calling mother Bell thinking she was my great-great-grandmother come to find out the woman wasn't even related to us she was just willing to take in three generations of the Johnson clan because we were that dysfunctional and we were that needy but she raised me she taught me how to read the Bible because that's where she read she taught me how to cook she taught me how to clean she taught me about life and she loved me she loved me I never saw my mom for the first seven years of my life I have no memory of her she was out celebrating her singleness and then she married and suddenly there was a sibling and then my mom showed up and then there was another sibling and there was a stepdad and for me that began two of the most memorable hellacious years of my life because whereas I had never met my biological father I suddenly had a stepfather that brought hell in with him because my mom wasn't very good at picking men so those abuses that they say come with children born into poor single-parent families yes yes substance abuse deprivation because you have no income and my mom was not a fan of welfare so I grew up believing that if you don't have cash then you don't have it so okay we did not have a lot of it because there wasn't a lot of cash but substance abuse sexual abuse emotional abuse domestic violence I saw things I didn't even speak up until I was 40 years old at the same time in the midst of it all I meant the Saviour I meant - Savior I'm telling you the truth when I said I would change nothing nothing about my life because it made me me it allowed me to see that God can bring Beauty out of ash my father John was better you know you got bricks scattered around my thing with God was you don't know I don't have any bricks I can't dust I have been ground into the dust if you can resurrect dust the naam you worsen it got me and he did so I am all about me some Jesus now I work on a campus the University of Michigan I'm a graduate of the University of Michigan however at this time in my life where I to be blessed with children my job that's cool wouldn't even think about it especially if I'm raising a child of faith unless I'm quite confident that they can withstand attack the University of Michigan no offense to anyone who is an alum or works at the school but I am there I work with students the University of Michigan today in my day you just had to be able to stand up for your beliefs which is why I chose to go there I went to a very conservative Church but I chose to go to the University because my thought was if faith is real then it needs to live here if it doesn't live here then what good is it it's a waste of my time and it lived at the University of Michigan in that day today the University of Michigan absolutely wants to grind a child of faith into the ground they want to break him they want to take them down in their education but their future they want to rob them of their dignity and to me part of my role is to help build disciples to beg God for ways to build disciples disciples of the women that work with me and for me disciples of the women that I have the privilege of getting to know in the community this summer we're gonna start my Bible study seven-week Bible study where women and all levels of faith okay on campus all levels of faith are going to get to talk about what it really means to be a woman title of the study being the female doesn't have to be that complicated and we're gonna talk about gender and gender roles sexuality and identity and empowerment but we're gonna do it with the basis of faith we're gonna start with Genesis 1:27 in the image of God let us make man in our own image and he made them male female and my premises and that's not negotiable it just is is a black can't change it can't change it don't know how many years I cried about the fact that I wanted hair that looks like yours and I wanted to be tiny and petite like you are and God made me 510 lots of curves my family's big butt and black and hair that was crazy kinky I spent $75 a month when I had no money to straighten out my hair only to have it look at humidity and go wah hence because no offense y'all I can rock my bald head but that's why my hair will never be as lovely as yours it's in my DNA but the beauty of being me that's all part of that and that's what women today they don't know so when it gets rough they think they weren't supposed to be women some other cosmos made a mistake my thought is no what if part of the bumps you're learning how to ride to navigate the bumps is part of what's gonna reveal the beauty of you coz you're gonna ride those bumps like nobody's business like nobody ever dreamed you could like you never thought you could as you get to know who you are what you're made to be who you were made to be what you how you were made to function to me that's the beauty of suffering and United with God releasing the power of heaven no stopping it so Darbar woman what we do because we're not allowed to proselytize we don't proselytize we could but we do not here's why we don't we're on one of the most secular college campuses I believe in the country and that's because we get people from the west and the east and here.then and so we have what's going on on the west coast right on campus we got what's going on in the East Coast right on campus and we do not proselytize our staff team is composed of licensed professionals licensed counselors licensed medical professionals we use volunteers but our volunteers on the medical team are licensed our volunteers on the counseling side it takes seven months to become a counselor rubber woman because we believe we are a NICU a woman comes to us in crisis she deserves the best that we can give her in addition to that our people our people face we absolutely pray you in we pray you through and we pray you through after you leave and we will stay with you and follow up with you from the minute you come in if you give us permission until the minute you deliver we are with you hence our tagline is by your side we believe in how God made the human heart and I do not believe even though I do not believe even though we see it and we see in large numbers throughout the country God did not make a woman to abort her child hence you don't see very many women out there going you know what I bored my child and then I went to Macy's and hooked up my clothing you don't hear many women say I aborted my child and I'm proud its sorrowful once a woman realizes all that that decision entails am i condemning the decision no am i condemning the woman no well could I have friends one of the women you've got to get a little business card there on your table she's a dear friend and we met because she tried to sell me ad time and as we were talking and she figured out what we do and we were getting along she told me her story she had had an abortion and then she just said okay I'm going for it is this really who you people are the way you talk then were you talking to me is this who you are but yeah your whole team functions like you're talking to me yeah Wow if I only know sure I'll be your face because if you had been here I don't know if I I mean I may have made the same decision but at least I would have known that somebody cared somebody cared so women come into our bourbon who think they might be pregnant you don't need to know you don't need to have decided more than 60% of the women that come to see us say that if the test is positive I'm definitely going to abort or I'm undecided abortions in my mix somewhere we pray we believe in the power of prayer we believe that if a woman is allowed to connect with what is in her heart and interact about all three of her options we believe that as we draw out what God has placed in her heart allowed to be in her and she really sees what am I think I'm not making a decision for just today could I live with that tomorrow and she connects the dots she'll know she knows what she wants to do as a result 74% of the women that come into arbor woman choose to carry to term 100 pregnant women walk into arbor woman 74 children are going to be born we know this this is multiple years of data for us that's awesome especially when our numbers are higher than national numbers for a pregnancy center for those that come in knowing they want to abort so it doesn't matter what their initial decision is it's about drawing out of that heart that God made what's in the heart that God made so the way they can see it to us 2017 has been a hard year for the first time we saw two young women come in who are 12 that's never happened never happened beyond that our demographics meet the national numbers for those who are bored most of our clients are single most of our clients are ages 20 to 29 many a majority of our clients are non-white but many are students many are single many are married you know I mean it's like we see everybody they don't have jobs they are professionals they are not gonna have the park they are grad students they've got multiple kids we see and you would think for some of our clients if you just look through their life circumstances why are you even here this shouldn't be a question for you you got this and yet there is something in the heart that says no I don't can you talk me through this we have women call whispering into the phone can I come see you yes okay yes that's okay they say quite well we wanted to get but not this fast I'm not ready I'm just not ready I thought he's let's talk this through the truth is once that test is positive it freaks everybody out a member of our staff team found out she was pregnant with her first child and I remember that staff meeting Casilla and said ok guys you guys did you give me the ultrasound we're like oh are you sure I think I'm sure how do you know I took a pregnancy test really well actually I took nine were what they say they were all positive you work for us you took nine positive tests you're the counselor I've hired and hmm it's because I didn't think we'd get pregnant this fast can't you talk me through this just talk me through it by her side that's what we do if a woman comes in decides after the appointment that again I'm not gonna carry this baby and she lets us follow through we follow through up until the time she tells us she's aborted if she says she's aborted our last thing is please know that if this decision doesn't work for you the way you thought it would we're here we're right here come back anytime call anytime we live with hard things on Tuesday you said life life life and you said this was like the ninth time because we fall on your with you following up with you every couple of weeks and then Tuesday you said oh there's additional information I need we said okay great we're over together on Thursday we'll call you Thursday with it we colored Thursday and she says I don't need it now she aborted Wednesday the temptation is to think that we failed in some way and the truth of the matter is that just like all of us we make those decisions we need people to believe for us to walk with us and to say I got you I got you I'm not gonna let go until we pray don't keep praying and if they'll let us follow if we keep following up just so you know you're not alone someone sees someone cares like God does for us the way he did for us to me that's been the biggest pro-life thing for me is to realize it's not then they cuz when I started six years ago I used a lot heard myself I've talked a lot about Vemma vey and God very sweetly said you do know it's you right they use you cuz I love you no matter what you do no matter what you think no matter what you have executed and you know how your heart iris you know boy girl you can be cold-blooded you've killed a few people and I have you have harbored anger and resentment hatred toward a few people and I have and iris I've left you the whole time I love you the whole time I'll never stop and now that you know let's move forward in these things cousin how you see what I've always seen that's the work of Harbor woman that's what we do we do not proselytize because again that's father Johnson it would be one it would be one moment we see a woman on average one and a half times and growing up in a strict Baptist tradition we were really big in my tradition on what I call they never called it this but I call this slapping some Jesus on folks you know look at Snapple of Jesus on you and we felt good about what we did but did it really make a difference in your life that benefited you in any real way other than the moment that you were with us the answer's no in fact as you went back to your hoard lifestyle as I went back to my horrid lifestyle it made me question who God is if he's really as good as they said he was because my life's don't my life was hideous my life was hideous and I was attempting to walk with God from the time that I was 11 years old and I never spoke of the hideous until I was 40 so I was doing the best I could in dancing as fast as I can to be hopefully one day acceptable to God and pretending the whole time to all those wonderful people of faith because Jesus haven't slept on me and it was working followed them so why wasn't working for me it had to be me cuz you know I'm just crap the people that had me didn't even want me so if God even kind of accepted me that must be amazing so I just need you to shut up and suck it up but working every woman what we do I've told you we also do a program in the community because we believe absolutely that you have to take care of the woman after she delivers his child we have a baby care program one with Hope clinic our square footage is 1500 square feet we partner with others to do things that we could not do ourselves we do not believe it is possible nor effective to try to be all things to all men so we partnered with group called hope Hope has a medical clinic that works with under-resourced families in Washtenaw County they have a dental clinic they have a food pantry and they how's our baby care program that provides infant necessities to all those within washington county in need on average we give away ten thousand different items and respond to 2000 different requests every year our Lady of Good Counsel has partnered with us does partner with us throughout the year with your donations of items and financial donations you have responded to the needs of 2000 families in Washington County hallelujah because that that's the thing they say those of us who are pro-life don't do and yes we do and we do it well I became connected to pro-life and realized I was when my mom who was a really polite woman called me and said have you talked to your sister today and at the time I was living on the East Coast my answer was no and my mom was very polite she passed away in 2014 mine was really polite so for her to start the conversation by saying have you talked to your sister today with no you need to talk to her and fix this and then my mom hung up on me sorry okay whatever it is it's bad it's really really bad and what I found out was my sister was pregnant unmarried pregnant and pregnant with twins and it was gonna be a difficult pregnancy and I just gotten married to my husband who we will celebrate our 20th anniversary next week but I just gotten married we've been married for almost six months and my sister he was not gonna marry her she was immediately put on bed rest and all I could think was and guess who's gonna take care of these kids that would be the older sister I was running a PR firm I had a book of business over a million dollars I was busy and I was supposed to have twins huh I was not happy my sister prayed she immediately decided to keep her kids I did not decide to keep her kids God listened and I shouted for months and I'm Taipei so I rolled out of bed one morning expecting for my feet to hit the ground get up and do what I do my feet hit the ground and it felt like somebody grabbed my shoulder and stopped me and the words I heard were did she wake you up this morning no good well until you can do that there's nothing for us to discuss about these children only time I've auto bleep felt like I heard God it was like well okay then I'm good from that moment on I was on board there is a picture of kids somewhere in there I don't know what you all are seeing but they just turned 19 so fraternal twins Ottoman Sebastian and my husband and I were never blessed with children but a year ago autumn moved in with us so I went from being never having a child in my life to that was a 19 year old daughter if anyone would like to give me counsel after this is over I would deeply appreciate it and I'd probably pay for it so because 19 whoa and we did the first drivin thing where you know you think oh dear Lord oh dear Lord she's about to hit something colder Lord she's watching something on her side of the car then it becomes oh dear God I'm about to die she's gonna hit something on my side so I've done all that you know so yeah but amen as father genre saying it's about this cycle ship I'm realizing parenting as you all parent its discipleship and it's really wicked hard but the thing you get the thing I'm getting is as I do this that vertical prayer thing and I hear stuff and I hear stuff about autumn and I hear stuff about these women that I'm meaning on campus that I'm mentoring and trust me I didn't think of it as mentoring because truly Who am I I messed up I seriously need Jesus I come already family background no one who came from a background should mentor a soul you should be just happy you're alive breathing said quietly maybe make money God willing have a happy life and die that's all you should do and influence as few people as possible because maybe you won't mess anything up but I heard through the grapevine that this young woman said she knew me I was like yeah I know and then I heard someone say the same verse is it she says you're mentoring her and she just loves it I am but the truth of the matter is having no children having never been blessed with children and God had his reasons for that and that's a different story but having never been blessed with children I cried for decades decades every time I friend had a baby I held their baby I smelled their baby you know the baby smell how many people know the baby smell yes thank you and my husband learned honey just go hold the baby you're sitting over here watching the baby you don't even know those people just go see if they'll let you hold a baby so you can smell them go ahead and I'd go smell the baby and then we'd get in the car to go home and I'd cry all the way home and then I'd just say it's so cute like this and his answer was always yeah do what you need to do okay but God as he worked in me and I did this he then started to say there's so many people you can love you can love on and so I just started do it you just do it and who knows you end up mentoring people but it's this and then and then God talks to you like I imagined and I'd have to ask friends who had kids does God tell you stuff about your kids that you don't know but then you know you know don't like oh yeah like so I might know what I know about these other kids I'm spending time with oh yeah just try it and you know if conversation and then you pray you have conversations and you realize the Holy Spirit told you stuff for this kid that's not your kid but God's built this thing and it's love and you're connected I have love what I do I love this and then it shows up like this and then you see them growing I loved the fact that God brought a 19 year old into my life to love is a daughter and 19 year olds will tell you all kinds of things let me just say dressed by autumn so hopefully you're like what I'm wearing because I couldn't get out of the house of that-that-that's my new life but if they tell you things things you don't want to hear things you do want to hear and then they tell you things about them things you really want to hear things you don't want to hear you think that and the first thing I want to do is take it personally have I not known you since you were in utero and that's what you want to do with your life and then I realized Lord back to this because I'm terrified I can't sleep for the first year she was with us I couldn't sleep I rolled over one night woke up my husband up and said okay if I die just so you know this killed me I was in pain I couldn't believe I could think of all the horrible things that were happening to her while she was a freshman in college and she had a boyfriend I knew all those things fear but then prayer and praying not until I got the answer but until I found the heart of God Ephesians 3:19 says when you experience the love of Christ though it is too great to understand fully then you will be made complete with all the life and the power that comes from God I prayed till I found me some life and power that was it because otherwise I was truly I knew I was going to die and I'm not exaggerating I was going to die fear was going to kill me because you know I could remember autumn when she was five and I could palme her you know like you're about to harm yourself I think scooped you up and yes no harm will ever come to you I can't do that anymore in her heart there was no way for me to protect that so all of this that we are talking about is to encourage your your parents you're amazing just by virtue of the fact that you are parents I applaud you cuz your parents that's awesome you took the big challenge right there God's got you oh my god is don't lose heart cuz you said the biggest yes now it's just stay the course cuz it just gets amazing as you discover the love that he has for you cuz as you discover and experience of that you won't be able to help but pour it out this way it's your kids cuz it's that amazing this way to those names that God gives you to disciple because it's amazing so yeah you can see why I asked tires to come so I'm looking at you talking and I'm seeing that red cross behind so the image again I have is so here's here's a woman with us who it's like she's just kind of walked through the the Red Cross tent you know from where the fighting is fiercest and she's kind of talking to some of us so something some of us have kids in college some of us not quite some of us gonna be sometime but one of the ideas of trying to get ours to come here is just to share some things so I mean you get this audience here some of them are yep it's it's now for them some of them it's not now but what are some of the things that you want to share with them that you're either concern they might not know they're afraid this true like what what are some of the the key takeaways from the front lines at a place like U of M where some of their kids will go or MSU or CMU or EMU or it's all the same right now yes what's on your heart to them your kids need you no matter what they say they need you for some of the women I work with I'm standing in the place of a parent I know it I know it they wish they could talk to their parents the thing that I hear from these young women is I'm supposed to know I'm supposed to know they don't know why they're supposed to know they just don't they are they don't know what they're supposed to know but they know they are they need you so don't leave please don't leave don't assume they're okay cuz they're there I guess can we ask the question what is it what do you think are some of the biggest changes that your children there are going through junior high school kids anybody okay what are some of the biggest changes you see in the junior high environment there was not there when you were in junior high this came up last time too you know just kind of a stress load on children right I mean like we we had worked but we played oh yeah you were talking at a dinner suicide rate in college campus it was called suicide raid on college campus is campuses is number two for death for death amongst college kids and for teens in 2016 and went from being this third cause of death to number two so just the stress level alone right yes and and so what can what can we do as parents yeah to ease that part of it is talk it's drawing them out what is it that they're freaking out about and don't blow off any of it because for them this is totally legit that it's totally legit so we don't get to laugh it off we need to walk alongside treat it with respect yeah because oftentimes the parents response I hear this is stress you think you got stressed wait till you're my age you got a job you got bills to pay like that ain't I that's true it's totally true but then you true for them no because their whole life right now is I got to get into that college so I can get that degree so I can get into that grad schools I can get that job or I am a failure right in which case I'm also just end it right that's real yes that's real right now and how are they holding our expectations for them again having a daughter in my home I didn't understand I was part of her stress level but our iris you have a great job and you always get it right and and I just keep losing these interviews and and do you really think that I less of you because you've not gotten the jobs youth ministry with kids but you know I mean some of you some of you have kids that were on retreats with me and just saw Chris walked through here and even before him and over and over again I mean one of the things that was the toughest wall to break through with high school kids was they and these are like these are year all kids right these are good kids yes smart kids athletic kids musical kids love high achieving kids they're loved but they don't know when they will tell you tell me I know love as a reward yes I know love so the comments that were said were it was always great job proud of you for X you know made the football team got the Honor Roll made the play all good things right but one of the simple things that just comes to mind isn't listening to iris and just kind of looking at what I mean we talk a lot about honor around here I mean you all promise to do that for each other just a little reminder but there's there are a few things as important for parents to do than to honor their kids because you got to discipline them all the time right I mean that's just the nature they're barbarians you go civilizing but having said that I mean so you're always correcting it so they always hear you correct them right or they hear a correction and then great job 4x2 degree that you can just like catch them like even every night before you go to before they go to bed just lay your hand on um bless them and say you know what I just want to tell you you are a really good daughter yes yes not for anything you've done just for who you are I just love you all those things that we can say man heart rates just slowed down and in the press the pressure that they feel from all these other things like I know I can come home and even if I didn't do well I can still come home yeah and I can still be loved that's that's us that might sound so basic but especially in a community like this where we are so high achieving you know we talk about this right now the parish with kind of four on our level just kind of like encouraging people to drop the masks but to the degree that we can I mean it's even bigger for our kids cuz because they're so consumed with making sure that they fit in Yeah right yes so other things iris mentioned that like the other pressures that you are differences that you see it's totally everybody's trying to evangelize Adele girlfriend has made crazy money you want to get depressed listen to an entire and listen Yeah right listen to what she is saying you will be stone cold suicidally depressed seriously depressed but she's made millions because she's tapped into the heart of relationships today they're all going south a lot of them south so it's about the message so I ask questions what does that mean I mean I truly I sound very stupid but I ask a lot of what does that mean what'd she think don't worry she said where's nothing I was fast what was it I got [Music] you know roll with it so that you draw out and I and this is not a critique because again guardians of the galaxy anyone yes anybody they're playing my tunes so autumn and I are watching and we start singing it and then you realize what you're singing around and then he gives up the guitar solo it just kind of fades away she's like what is wrong with these people like we were all stoned everybody was stoned like you're saying that were high yes absolutely drugged out didn't even know he just stopped playing and why did he keep repeating it he was dragged also we tell the truth we learn to tell the truth so our kids can laugh and then realize oh I get to tell the truth too and then we some of it you make a joke out of cuz it is funny some of those lyrics fooled around and fell in love you know do you you you're you got girls names on the list and when you the grass got greener on the other side you kick this one to the curb and went to the next one and I was dancing I don't I don't know what was wrong as my mind I tell the truth tell the truth so they can learn and see how it's done we learn over time I didn't get it then but I get it now what are you hear when you listen to this is that what you think relationships are tell me oh no I want to know what you think and then know that what they think doesn't reflect on us because again autumn and I have had some conversations that if the Holy Spirit were not in me I would have driven my car into a tree because her answer reflected on me and it meant that my baby could become an arbor woman one day if that's really her answer so thinking of that so a lot of us right so we do question boxes with the kids in school cuz they don't want to ask questions out loud and that happens when we're adults too records so there's things that you know that we're afraid of thinking are true and one of the mistakes oftentimes is well my kids a good kid that ain't gonna happen that's exactly how it usually happens you so what are some of those delicate things that you know that some of us are sitting here right now going oh I can't ask that I'll catch her in the break alone like some of the urgent things that you just want to like unmask reveal for four kids um there's a stat that I think says today was it like 65 some ridiculous number I think it's like 65 percent ah 72 percent that's it 72 percent of 13 and 14 year-olds are dating dating I wasn't allowed to use the word date until I was 16 we're so frightened by my mom who told me if you ever that you'll die I would kill you I didn't go out on a date till I was 18 I figured I might be able to defend myself against my mom at that time so I went out at 18 but I get the question a lot about dating I get it from my nieces not autumn but her sibling we talk we have hot hot chocolate Monday hot chocolate Monday we just have hot chocolate whatever comes out comes out she's in junior high I found out her friends date what does that mean for 12 13 year old to date what does that look like and they all have these yes yes and these things yes show them all sorts of interesting things so maybe maybe you could draw something like house resources to people towards places what from your experience are good places cuz cuz information is helpful right like I need to know I need to know what's going on I need to know where I can go that's trustworthy what could you suggest one you can actually call Arbor woman and you could call our nurse or nurses and they can lead you to information again beauty of the 19 year old you become a lifelong learner and you decide to learn things you don't want to know you didn't want to know you never had to know yourself and now okay you don't assume that your kids know the truth is teenagers represent 50% of all new STI cases every year because they don't know they don't know and because they're not showing any symptoms they're just enjoying the party so you need to know so that you can then have discussions to find out what is going on again it's not to condemn it's not to lock them down because at some point you got to let them out and you can't keep palming them to move them from place to place I would use our bure woman as a resource nurses excellent practice emmaus health emm a u.s. health HEA LTH Catholic based practice amazing does the importance of Catholic ob/gyn who's actually NFP only is essential yes yes because otherwise there's an agenda always emmaus PMMA us you may as health its in connected with st. Joe's right yes and they are right at Domino's farms so close to here they are in a family practice you'll you'll find them online but you'll be able to see their family practice they have an obg they have OBGYNs they have nurse practitioners they have behavioral health so they are a holistic practice that is going to help your family so they'll take care of stuff like depression absolutely so yes and I needed physicians that were going to speak to her as a young woman and care about the design they weren't gonna Mar the design Arbor woman again we have a licensed social worker but her expertise Elise is to speak with your female child about her reproductive health system yeah sex ed is taught in high school yeah some versions are taught in middle school but nothing I'd want my child to know what we teach at Arbor woman literally is just the science of a woman's reproductive system so that she can know the science and appreciate the design as you watch your young daughters and men forgive me cuz you're living in the house with them too they get to learn about their hormones you become a victim of their hormones they become a victim of their hormones they need to know okay these seven days for me longer cuz my periods are weird I can tell my hormones are wonky I know how to chart them now I could I could chart my cycle Wow I'm a hot mess Thank You God peace and freedom in our house when she learned how to chart her cycle I just needed to keep the ice cream flowing all I had to do because she then could say I just need to eat ice cream and sit on the couch as opposed to lose her mind because she was biting biology it changed our home life Jo got the movies I got the ice cream we all sell and couch was awesome the beauty of it all and it's science it's just the science that we are teaching but a third party then allows you mom to interact with her about her cycle to deepen a comp to to start a conversation and deepen it like to go to a place where I'm thinking seriously we talked about this good you're happy talking about this is good and we're talking about other things and body image things and you know things that you just think my teenagers not gonna want to talk about this she won't ever talk about this but because a third party said it's good a third party said it's a cool conversation a third party blessed her cycle it's not for discussion so that's a wonderful thing so please call us take advantage of that it is what we do at least we'll be back from maternity leave and about tour so you're just oh yeah yeah Reese everything we can find for resources yeah it's just yes crucial but lifelong learning deserts yeah as your child stands up in whatever class to say I disagree it because my faith says the grinding begins faith where's your mind where's your intellect kind of crippled are you and I say that because I work with students who are saying I got friend in med school which do you have in med school who in a conversation so the professor was talking about the dangers of smoking and and how it's an obligation for them as physicians to warn their patients of the dangers of smoking and he raised his hand at a certain point he says can I just ask you a question so based on what you've just said to us about the inherent dangers of smoking wouldn't we have the same obligation to talk to people about the dangers of same-sex activity which clearly just demonstrates which we know medically and scientifically is destructive to a body he was humiliated in public by the professor totally ostracized by all of the rest of his classmates for the rest of his time that's that's common that's just common undergraduates and I'm not thinking right now of the group at the University but it is a group of peer counselors who received 40 to 50 hours of training through the University so that they can teach their peers about how to have safe sex practices and experiment and enjoy their sexuality while they're on campus that will approach your child as a freshman you think lesbians well undergraduates yeah but I'm just saying this is the the school's group training to teach my child about sex and the beauty of their sexuality because we don't want you to get pregnant while you're in college oh definitely do not get pregnant because per the sororities absolutely wonderful to engage in the lifestyle but should get busted some sororities you put on inactive status which means you lose all the rights and privileges as being a sister in this sorority because you are stupid enough to get caught you can walk the walk of shame we can know exactly how many and who you slept with but do not get busted by being pregnant how stupid are you that's the world our children live in but my to me it's they live in that world at college but we've got to prepare them for it before all right because I see those who were sheltered I see those who were not taught to talk it walk it think it and they don't know what to do and religion amongst young Millennials 18 to 20 ish he's taking a nosedive spirituality is on the rise they want something real they want faith they believe in the existence of God whoever that might be I'm not a guy who makes demands no yeah God would never say no Wow so teach them how to think help them learn how to think and stand and let them see you work through the process of life is tough show them how to work through the process because they don't know Pope John Paul would often say you know what we need to find a way to somehow demystify sexuality yes so not to lose its sacredness mandarines but to demystify so I sort of able to find ways much like IRAs saying just to talk about things in a way that is both respectful and guarded of the dignity that's involved but it also just like we can talk about this stuff yes like this is what it means to be a man or a woman right so so what it means to be attracted this is these are things you're gonna face these are the challenges that you're gonna have in relationships these are the temptations you're gonna face it's that's that's all part of being human and then talk to men no please have like man conversation yeah and moms don't talk to yours no no no no talk to your sons no remember I got a fraternal twin I've been muzzled I don't get some anymore let's see just because it doesn't have anywhere close and you can't engage in the conversation that needs to be had mom as we can't one of the most one of the most important things I try to share with wives is not my wives but wives which you can't know right because you're a woman and this thing's we can't know because we're a man but one of the things that's so crucial for a son is at a certain point a son who's usually not always but usually has spent most of his life with you because dad goes to work you might go to work too but at a certain point he realizes I ain't like you yeah and I need my dad to teach me how to be a man and only my dad can teach me how to be a man and so the boy goes through this extremely oftentimes painful experience of I now have to this is why it looks like he's getting mad at you he's not I have to I have to force myself away from you where I'm most comfortable oftentimes because I've been with you so often and I have to get to know my dad in a way that I have never gotten to know my dad or had to know my dad because and I'm now at that age when I am becoming a man and I need a man to teach me how to be a man yes and you can't know that now and then and then that boy gets married and because he marries a woman the woman the wife you do what you do so well and so naturally you mother because you nurture and unknowingly you can end up doing it to your husband who has spent the last 10 20 years trying to separate from his mom and all of a sudden I have my mom again and the guys are laughing but it's true any truth maybe for Ollie but this is this is a huge source of tension and conflict and so you know sometimes guys will just say things like don't don't try to mother me right now like he he has a mom he needs a lover a wife a partner and a friend he does not need a mom and the boy too he's always you're always gonna be his mom but the tough thing is you you're gonna watch him and you experience the pain of him pulling himself away from you that's hard it's hard but it's true I'm mindful of time so I see that let me say one thing real quick a little plug for a new book as we talk about information and things that you can find it's called cheap sex by a guy named Mark Regnerus and you know a little bit don't you subtitle the transformation of men marriage and monogamy I just started to read this it's really extraordinary actually it's all based on interviews and surveys and research that have been done with a wide spectrum of people it's one of the most to throw surveys that's been done out there and it just shows kind of what's going on with people who are in most cases just a little bit older than most of your kids it'll break your heart as you because it's just the dialogues are printed as they answer questions and as you just see the trends that are going on and again these are good kids these are your kids right and they're just imitating what they see that's why the phone is so dangerous like you you don't just do some of the things that kids are doing right now you do them because you've seen them and they see them I mean please please please trust me when I tell you every kid I know looks at pornography yes every kid I know has seen pornography and if they got a phone I just type whatever and they have no idea how to restrain it and the violent behavior exists exhibited important exists in our high school relationships and it starts between six to 12th grade so as a result we see women at Arbor woman that we know for a fact that's abuse yep they don't know because every dating relationship I've ever had had this in it and then the girls spiral into depression absolutely and this leads to hideous horrible behaviors that for some of these young women result in suicide right so dial yeah I mean yeah I mean there are so many things I mean when we work together last time doctor who can talk a lot about that too so I too will leave some books up here so you can get some other titles great us perspective you have time to just kind of know all right so if anybody wants to just kind of like catch iris 101 afterwards great delighted to have you with us and really happy to make you aware of a resource that's there at arbor woman things like Emmaus Health and whatnot glad to see everybody just get together again don't leave I mean I we're sobered here Dan I don't want to end on a down note I want to end on the fact that like the Lord called you to live at this time and he gave to you your children and God is not scared right now like God's not nervous he's not anxious and he's giving you what you need not only from the grace of his spirit but from good friends continue to ask the Lord Lord we need good couples to walk with we need grid families to to partner with and do everything you can each and every night and each and every morning you just say lord I give you my kids back again today watch over them protect them help me to know like Irish was talking about help me to hear things I need to hear to pry to get into their lives my mom was amazingly attuned to what God was telling her it was no wasn't boy trust me okay last first John 4:4 but you belong to God my children dear children the Spirit who lives in you is greater than the Spirit who lives in the world you need to know you mean that's true John 1 4 and 5 in him referring to Jesus was the life and that life was the light of men the light shines in the darkness it's shining through you to your kids you need to know this the light shines in the darkness and this translation says and the darkness did not understand it or overpower it or appropriated or absorb it and it's unreceptive - it stopped shining yeah let's pray and then we can think of IRA son and the name of the Father the Son the Holy Spirit Lord we thank you for our sister and for the great work that she and her partners are doing over at Harbor woman we pray that she would bless them and their ministry that you would use them to bring hope and a restored sense of dignity yes and beauty to the women who walked through those doors where we again pray for our children ask your protection upon them keep them safe from harm from all evil guard their eyes and their ears and their minds and give to us and especially my brothers and sisters here courage confidence trust in you ever greater friends we ask all this in Jesus's name Damon how about a hand for iris [Applause]

Channel: OLGCPlymouth

Views: 10,698

Keywords: OLGC, Our Lady of Good Counsel Catholic Church, Catholic Church, Plymouth Michigan

Id: AiXfKqyNMgM

Length: 83min 5sec (4985 seconds)

Published: Wed Oct 04 2017