Laith Ashley on transitioning and life as a model | British GQ

for a long time we were taught that femininity for men was something that that could be degrading or decreases your what it did what it means to be a man and I think it actually it makes you a more rounded more complete person and just be your self own who you are [ __ ] everybody else back to New York City yes your kids what were you like as a young people in school I don't think I always say it wasn't my life as a young kid wasn't out of the ordinary I don't mind referring to myself even then and it took some time to get there too as a little girl because that's what people saw me as that's who I was then I was a star pupil I always wanted to be the best that I could be because of I always wanted to impress my parents and make them proud of me so I made sure that I was on top of my academics if I needed help with something I always asked my dad I wanted to be just like him so I also I played sports so I was a student athlete all my life they just wanted me to do well in school so that I can grow up and be successful in their mind that meant going to college graduating from college and having a good job where I was making decent money very simple yeah for sure and your religious background as well it's kind of been presented in the press that you came from it's not necessarily no so it was very it was very open growing up my dad's side of the family is Catholic so I would I love my grandmother and I used to love spending time with her I still do I think she's in the Dominican Republic right now she usually spends her winters there because it gets so cold in New York but I would go to church with her on Sundays and it wasn't something that was you know forcing me to go I just wanted to go cuz I wanted to spend time with her I mean there was always that presence but it was never instilled in any way until I was older and it was the time when I came out yeah so you didn't feel like you had a complex relationship with religion no I do know that growing up I learned that biblically or however that it was interpreted within a family like mine where they're Latino and they're also pretty traditional anything that deviated from a tradition was kind of you know looked down upon so I didn't know that what I understood then as being like gay it was gonna be looked down upon so I I tried to fight myself a little bit I didn't want to be that I tried to pray it away and eventually when I did when I did come out when I was 16 or 17 I was actually I was outed by my aunt it's very interesting I I kind of owned up to it then because it's just I was sick of hiding who I was and I was getting ready to graduate from high school and go on to college and I was still trying to figure myself out but my gender identity my sexuality I wasn't sure what was happening you know you're a kid and for a long time any feelings that I had I kind of pushed to the side and only focused on my academics and and and sports whenever anyone asked me if I was dating I'm like oh I don't focus on that I'm just focused on school and basketball that's that's all I care about so that's what that was so it been internally I felt like there was something wrong and I was hoping that God could fix it so there was a little bit of that as gay okay yeah because I didn't I didn't learn what trans was until I was 19 I feel I've had encountered trans people before but I didn't in my mind all I knew was it was pretty binary and it was like gay or lesbian or bisexual it was very much just that so in my mind being you know assigned female at birth I was like okay I'm I'm a lesbian even though I hated the word I never really ate it said that word I usually I would use the word gay it was my senior year like second semester of school and I started dating someone who I met online and she asked me I don't know how she found out what she's like who's this person that you were seeing in Brooklyn and I like I froze I was like I mean I wasn't in a line I told her who she was and she told my mom and all hell broke loose I didn't know it was a mixture of things I'm thinking back and it was a relief cause I didn't it was already it was kind of expected to when people would ask it was kind of assumed already so for it to just be out there I was like okay fine this is what it is and I told my mom and my dad and they were not happy for my dad it was more defend the image of this perfect family that he wanted to preserve which was not real and then for my mom it was what would happen to me in the afterlife so she was so concerned with me going to heaven right yeah how did you tackle being able to kind of bring them I just I just let them learn by it through observation and if they had question I try to answer it the best I could I lived with them up until like last year really or a couple years ago I told my mom that I was gonna start my medical transition a year before I actually started and I told her I was like look this is who I am and this is what I want to do it's gonna make me happy she was not happy obviously and she didn't think that I was actually gonna go through with a medical transition she kind of thought she was like yeah sure you know you're not gonna do that when I started testosterone she was like shocked and taken aback at how quickly the changes started like coming about and she had questions I had and I had some answers not all the answers and as time went on and I like move forward with my transition I kind of try to explain things to her the best I could in the very beginning I would be very angry whenever she misgendered me just because I felt like I wanted to be affirmed and I wanted my family to affirm me and who I was and now she still calls me she and her daughter I called myself she and so it doesn't matter yeah recognizing that you didn't identify as female right you mentioned being about four or five and yet so the whole language is non-binary anything was not available to you that vocabulary I did right now I didn't know when I would stay at my grandmother's house for example we would go to church I used to pray I used to pray to be tall and I used to pray to be a boy like I would pray like I wake up and I would be a boy I remember that very vividly so I knew that that's just who I was but again I didn't have the language to kind of communicate that I didn't know it existed sure yeah getting your information Mason honest 504 Cabul area I'd have no idea how I even came across this stuff but I was on I was in college my sophomore year I was on YouTube I don't know what I put into that search but I came across trans people documenting their transitions on YouTube when I remember to accounts to specific accounts that I started following religiously and I was just like oh my god this is Who I am can I do this I'm never gonna be able to do this but I was like obsessed with watching them and watching the change and I was like this could be me if I had the guts to actually go through with it I wasn't I was just so filled with fear because I was still in my mind I could still pray the gay away if I wanted that to be I want to just about want to be normal I want it to be what my parents wanted their child to be without those videos yeah do you wonder whether or not yes after I graduated college I started working at an LGBT Center right and that's where I encountered and I formed relationships with queer people like LGBTQ everyone on this on the spectrum and I just saw everyone living their authentic lives being able to go to work and make a living and being happy and I was like wow I can do this for a long time my mom told me that even me presenting myself the way I did you're not having a short haircut wearing men's clothes it was gonna be very difficult for me to find a job and she would say at one point you can love whoever you want but dress like a woman would tell me that all the time because she feared that I wouldn't be able to get employment dressing the way that I did yeah it was it was tough but I knew I told myself I'm capable of doing the work so whoever hires me is gonna hire me this way or I don't need to work for them when did you start moving from working yeah so I was working at callen-lorde Community Health Center in New York for about almost three years I started my transition about a year and a half in and I was a friend of close friend of mine who's also trans he contacted me and told me like Barney's was doing a trans campaign and they were looking for a trans models and he said he suggested that I I go to the casting or I sent some photos in I was like sure I didn't I didn't really didn't think anything of it I didn't think I was gonna get it I didn't I just did it because he he was doing it too and we're like let's do it together why not I go into Ford models and one of their the age their men's agents took some digital's of me and my friend and sent them in and I got a callback and that was the first time I did any modeling work it was before my medical transition but I had already come out as trans and was that the same as the shoot where you're in the Calvin Klein briefs no that was I was later that was after I started that was maybe a year and a half later okay yeah cuz that was your major break yeah that was that those wouldn't buy yeah so that happened I met a photographer named Nelson Castillo he's a really cool friend of mine now and he he said he just wanted to do some portraits of me and I he had a stool set up in his in his like home studio and it was just supposed to be like waist up on on the on the stool and we still have some of those shots but I brought with me a pair of Catholic Calvin Klein briefs and I said hey let's take some photos and these and he was just like huh good idea why not and we did those that same night he edited two and he sent them to me and I posted them on my Instagram that I was so excited to post them I posted them on my Instagram dating went viral I woke up to a ton of messages and it was mostly negative something along the lines of trans people fooling other people yeah yeah it was mostly negative very transphobic all of a sudden I felt exposed and I didn't know what to do did you feel somewhat like you had been in this in a way in this kind of protective bubble oh yeah right well that's what I guess when you put yourself out there it kind of that's what happens and then that's why I think things like social media if they're they're amazing tools but they can also be very dangerous because all of a sudden you have all these people that you have you don't even know like telling you who and what you are and kind of just stripping away of everything that you've built and if you're not strong enough to kind of keep that at bay can really it could tear you down you know imagine that that was the first instance that you've experienced right and I had just like this this was one year I had just come out and just start like just started the testosterone just had Top surgery and it was like whoa I got really depressed really fast I internalized a lot of what what was said I felt like a liar like I was lying to myself like I was lying to everyone else and I wanted to disappear yeah how did you move through that you obviously got a buzz from the idea of doing this model yeah I'm continuing that right what was it that gave you the courage to continue to pursue it I had to kind of step away from social media for a little bit was that I almost thought about deleting my page but for some reason I saw how quickly even though the the attention that I was getting was kind of negative for the most part my followers shut up that was I was thinking I'm ok you're all these people are saying these negative things why are you following me so I thought that was very interesting and two weeks later Laverne Cox reposted the photo and all these folks that were supportive were contacting me and sending me DMS and very positive assistant outpouring of love and positivity from people within the community so and I definitely needed that and that kind of changed everything changed everything about did you also did you feel conscious at that point of the opportunity that you have to be such a groundbreaker no no no I did not had no idea that that was gonna happen at all I thought that I don't know would maybe do a few modeling shoots every now and then I didn't think that I would be like leave my job and make this a career not not at all it's something that I've dreamed of doing I've always wanted to be an entertainer but I didn't think that it would just happen that way I think shortly after that I was contacted by NBC and that's when we started shooting that reality series shot and things too started going from there so that kind of opened me up to two more and now I'm doing like music and I'm super excited about it because I vote I love being on stage I love to sing and I used to be I was just such a shy kid but I wanted to showcase my talent in some way and I think I felt so comfortable playing sports because you're you're out there with the team as well I started doing it so young I felt very confident and I was I'm okay I'm good at this I can continue doing that and it was very affirming in that sense but to be on stage it makes me it feels great to be able to be able to do that to be able to entertain folks but do you find it be quite objectifying of you that's something that acting and music can I think they all are they all are objectifying and I you kind of have to own it it's kind of owning your sex appeal I never really felt a sexy until after I transition and to be I feel confident and comfortable in front of the camera I'm a dancer too so I can move around and create shapes and it and the beautiful images with you know working together with with a photographer when you're on stage it's with my music and what I perform it's also very sexy so I'm bringing that to the table as well and in acting I'm just getting started with acting but what I've gotten so far has also been very sexy it's so it is subjective I'm like okay I can play I can play like the dorky guy next door too but it's not what I've gotten so far and I think it has to do it's because I started off in my underwear so people just want to take your shirt off that's something when it's it is hard to keep up with that that image like I love it I like to work out I like to look the best I can but sometimes I'm just I'm sick of having there feeling like I need to look perfect I am we're all flawed we're human beings and I want to be able to just be yeah it's that power as well that comes from you you have to be such a vocal activist yeah constantly as a represent it's really it's hard to be I always say I'm not I can only talk when I'm speaking I'm speaking on behalf of the community but I'm speaking about my own experiences it's hard to be that post this poster child for trans masculinity because trans masculine trans period just people where it's all diverse no matter where you are on the spectrum there's another spectrum for you so I can't I can't speak on behalf of everyone because everyone is not looking to look like me or it doesn't there they don't identify or they don't may not agree with what my perspective is on life or on anything and that's the beauty of the world we're all different and no two people are gonna agree on everything so I was actually wondering if you know all the time it does showcase you're more than just your physics right you know but I think well with that a lot of people forget because I I remember when I first when it when those the first Calvin Klein images went viral I got a lot of messages from people like go to school like don't be a stupid model or things like that and I was just like have you listened to anything I said I graduated like three years ago and I have a job this is before I I stopped working at the center and even that became a little weird because one side those photos went viral and I started getting more jobs doing that I would come to work and people would I would be at my desk people were take photos and it got really weird people were making appointments with me that weren't necessarily patient yeah then they had to move me from the front to there like another office in the back and I would check my messages and people would be like I'm calling the speaker with laith I'm like who is this person are you a patient they're like yeah I think they just wanted to see me because it became this sensationalized thing because people didn't I think people a lot of folks didn't know any trans-masculine people or they thought they've never met a trans-masculine person and it was it kind of blew their minds that like China's guys can be so invisible in a sense because they're there I always say it's because we're not there gaze is not on us it's usually the Khazar on is on it's on women and people are looking and constantly trying to spot something that's not normal whereas with men you kind of slip in to whatever is normal yes you have expressed that you are completely comfortable with we're talking about your previous expression right yeah so you know I wondered when the point was that you adopted the name Lee yeah yeah I got the name so I will actually I wanted to keep ashley exact thought Ashley was such a it's I prefer it for a boy anyway but because I transition kind of the public eye I would always get the question because people kept associating Ashley with my female self if that makes sense so I said I was getting sick of getting that question asked on a daily basis especially working at an LGBT Center so all the younger patients that came in and we're watching my they were watching like the transition happened and all the changes happen they would ask me so what are you choosing your name where you change your name and I'm like I don't want to change my name not to explain actually as the unis except if no one wants to no one wants to buy that I was like okay whatever so I was just I was researching names initially I wanted my parents to rename me they didn't they refused so I was following an artist named late Hakeem and I thought that he was he was so cool his our art was amazing his taste in music was really cool he had a very cool look kind of close to mine as well and then I looked up the name and what it meant and I fell in love with it and I even googled more guy's name at lame lathe and I was like oh we all look very similar this is me so that's how we came about I like to liked what lathe actually sounded like it sounds like an artist named hey let's go for it yeah and I definitely wanted to keep Ashley and I definitely I still have like my family still calls me that close friends still call me ash or actually which is fine it's fine with me yeah yeah I was going 24 going on 25 so January 22nd was when I started testosterone right yeah and why that moment was it a logistical thing that had taken you to oh no it's just when I I felt comfortable I did I didn't think it would ever actually happen I dreamt about it I wanted to but I didn't think I would ever have like the courage to actually do it and I got to a point where it was I was either gonna be unhappy forever or I was gonna take these steps to kind of live the way that I wanted to yeah and be me yeah yeah and all the doors started opening right after - I didn't even have to try not initially here was like oh these things just it's like the universe handing me gifts I was thank you thank you thank you it's it's and it's a lifelong process it never really ends so but the change has happened for me right away in terms of like just any masculinizing effects testosterone is gonna the effects are gonna be different from person to person the same as with any sis kid like some boys go through puberty earlier than other so it's pretty much the same for me it happened it happened very fast it was just like boom voices changed Beauty now me yeah it's looking about it in a year I had like a full like full face fair yeah the hairs were obviously they were finer but they were they were all of it yeah yes and as time goes on they just they got coarser my voice got a little deeper I got more comfortable with speaking in this lower tone you have to it's the same thing with like a teenage boy going through puberty sure yeah did you help you double mastectomy before you know nine months I started okay I wondered what your major fears were before before it's taking testosterone even it was very superficial losing my hair that was a major major like fear because the balding does run in my family my dad my dad out of all his brothers he's only one with any hair left all his brothers like went bald so I thought that was a cough goodbye and I still have it something I think so that was that was pretty much the fear was that obviously I knew that I had to take care of my health because I did some research it's you know I take a toll on your liver I don't drink so it's very rare if I do have a drink I can I don't really like alcohol I don't like the taste of it so I wasn't too worried on that end anyway but that's basically that was those were really my two concerns yeah I imagine it was a process yeah oh yeah you have to you I mean it has those psychological effects you know you it's it's basically it's literally puberty again so you have you're on an emotional rollercoaster you're also your body is getting used to processing something that wasn't there before so you're you're going through that as well and then the physical changes you're you're looking in the mirror and you're having all these changes that are that you've always wanted they're just they're becoming real and you were filled with all sorts of emotions I was really really happy until obviously where I would be see received pretty much like backlash from folks that I didn't even know but it was it was hurtful to me because I was still learning who I was yeah kind of a kind of start to acquire yeah well it's it's really it's hard that's hard a hard thing to discuss but I can say for me you do acquire male privilege in a sense where if people don't know that you're trans I noticed that I was I was listened to in a different way but because I've talked about this before because I'm of color I'm not perceived as a threat whereas the prior to my transition if I was on my way to work or even if I was on the subway and I'm if I'm on my way to work and I'm dressed in a certain way everything was fine so if I'm wearing like a button-up sure I'm I look like I'm going to work everything is okay if I'm in you know jeans and a t-shirt I look like I'm going to the gym where I'm wearing a you know a hat or something now I'm being stopped by the police where is it that didn't happen prior to my transition well yeah well yeah I wasn't expecting yeah and it happened yeah I mean I was wondering if you have examples in the fashion industry of when you have suddenly lost your male privilege because yes I think no one will actually say that right so it's not something that's discussed and they're also I can't say that for sure because to me they're all assumptions I'm kind of gauging things and it's all coming from my perspective so if I'm if I'm at a job or if I'm going to an audition of a casting and certain questions can be asked and I'm watching people's body language watching how it changes if they once they you know learn that I am trans is like you know okay and I wonder okay are they doing this because I'm trans because maybe I'm too ethnic looking or they don't want if I mean I don't have the look that they necessarily want for their brand or whatever it is that they're doing so there's a lot of things that are going through my mind it's not just my my transness yeah I mean what is your experience be as a as a trans male in the fashion industry is it I mean I imagine it's different on a daily base yes well I'm told no all that I'm sure that's true and that's true for a lot of people in the fashion industry so like I've been I remember when I first when I was first starting I was looking for representation I was told no we don't we're not we're your look is is okay but we're not interested in representing you and I took that as oh it's because I'm trans and which is fine I just wish they would say that if they're afraid to maybe go there they think that they they can't really do do much for me because of it which is I think it's just honest um if that was where the case I mean I've been told you're too muscular or you're too short that is understandable especially for a runway like those guys are really really tall they're six two and up I'm not that like I'm 510 and I would argue I'm like put me in a boot and put some lifts in there I'm 62 like everybody else you know I can walk down the runway but which is fine if you don't have whatever qualifications it is that they're looking for but at the same time I think that the fashion industry they control those specifications they can change them if they want to like casting like I said the whole muscular thing that's I think that's it's kind of ridiculous I've seen a lot of models at different agencies they're twice my size and they're there they're out there doing with what they can so I think it just depends on who likes you yeah that's a lot of what it comes down to in it so I'm okay I've become more comfortable as time goes on with not being liked for like I said when we were talking about my child I wanted to please my family and that's how I was always with everyone I wanted to be the best be perfect I wanted everyone to like me I was I didn't want people to dislike me for any reason one huge pet peeve of mine was when people accuse me of doing something that wasn't true because I never I'd never wanted to do anything wrong I never wanted to like bend or break the rules I was always afraid of like getting in trouble like that was me yeah so even now if I if I do an interview and something is is taken out of context or you know you can in it within an interview you can block you can take what someone says put it in a you know write it out put it in a little you know block and say this is what this person said and it meant this and that I'm like if I say something now I can leave right out this door and have an experience I changed something and I might not thinking what I said right now so it's like to hold someone people get crucified for what they say I'm we're entitled one weird title to our belief in our opinions and also we're eight we're allowed to change our minds and we're allowed to learn this what we're doing here never you know there's so many highlights one way to diesel campaign and I wanted for you has there been one specific moment that felt like a real win for you in the sense of how you've been able to impact yeah the commercial every time I booked something it's that's it because it's something that I never anticipated getting and I get I'm so excited I'm overcome with joy that I even got the opportunity to do it so like for example when I got diesel I was like oh my god this is gonna be fantastic I'm working with David LaChapelle he's an amazing photographer like we're out in the desert like rolling around in diesel clothes and it's gonna look at me so that was that was so much fun and then but even it sucks like right as that project is over you're like okay what's next so you you kind of never satisfied you're always like striving to do more do better and the next big thing so I think that's still it's still the case now even with this this is a being undone GQ or in a strategy that was my one of my like my goals my big one of my dreams so the fact that I'm even here I can't believe it and after I finished after I finished a shot with a different outfit the photographer would show me the images I was like wow because it was it was so quick and he's so good at what he does so I was so happy too I can't wait to see the images I'm gonna put them everywhere yeah you were the first trans model in the oh yeah see when I did that I had no idea that impact that it was gonna have at all I literally so I did a campaign with the underwear company round your bum that they were promoting on that episode and they called me up and they said hey are you interested in being part of the pit crew no I was just like how many guys isn't that like 50 of them and they were like yeah you'd be like one of like 28 deeds I was like sure why not let's do it it's job I let's see maybe I'll get so I didn't think I would even get to meet I didn't know I would be in the same room as RuPaul I thought that everything was filmed kind of separately and they would just have like the guys in one room get a shot of all of us and then we're done so I get them like okay is just a bunch of dudes just hanging around they gave us some underwear everybody's like doing push-ups trying to get a nice pump or whatever and then they bring us out and there's like oh I'm actually seeing you in real life and RuPaul he's like 6 Ford is huge so I'm looking up at this guy and he like he he wasn't in drag he pulled me off of the line and he held my hands was like I like what you're doing is amazing I didn't even think that he knew who I was so that was pretty incredible yeah of course the board do you think that both yes I think I think the fashion industry has definitely become more inclusive as time goes on I think there's still a bit of like tokenizing that's happening and I mean there it's a business they're trying to do you want to make money so if something is in and there gonna bring you some revenue that's what they're going with and I I said this before I noticed like during pride for example you know they slap a rainbow on their Brandon hey we're cool with pride and it's you have to include us not just during for the Pride Month like throughout the year especially if this is what you want to do as a career if you're a model that's you're into fashion or you want to sell clothes or you want to be you know model for targa and you want to sell whatever it is if they're selling you know you we can speak to the market it doesn't only have to be you know one look or one type of person we're all consuming these products so I think that we should all be given that opportunity to experience that it's really interesting that you bring that up because this year particularly during parties ya know just even more so than before I wouldn't mention one specific yeah I noticed the front and center you know one of their flagship stores was a huge pride display right it's right and the thing that happens with that would I noticed too is its peak because it's not it's only done during a specific time period and then it's taken down it's also the larger community the world community if you will they're not they're like oh get this off of here I remember even like for example after I did the diesel campaign which was it was a it was kind of a quick it was a very queer campaign my images were taken off of Diesel's website off of their Instagram so they posted it they got a lot of theory they were I looked through the comments that were really transphobic and nasty and instead of leaving it up there they kind of they took the image down completely and I thought that was I was like that's a little unfair and they left I think they they used the only the only images that they left up were the images of the white models and maybe the doors one one African girl that they left up and everyone else was white no I did I wanted to do a follow-up shoot with David LaChapelle but I I think I may have lost Kali I lost we lost contact he was he was traveling and doing work outside of the US but I never I wanted to I was kind of I was afraid to reach out to diesel I was like hey why dude you took down the image from your page it was like I was really proud of that and now it's gone because people were being nasty on their page and they maybe they couldn't handle it and they didn't want it for their brand but they didn't try to say hey like the name of the campaign is make you know it was it was about not building walls it's about love and community and togetherness and you kind of went back on what the whole campaign was about by taking that down and letting them win yeah yeah I mean it's interesting because I wanted to ask you about you know your your identity is inherently political for multiple reasons and you know in terms of a lot of a lot of artists and I mean even that as an example you know you don't have a because you were afraid of having it yeah so I didn't want to I didn't want them to think that I was attacking them anyway I just wanted to know that what they could have there such a big company you know they could they can say no we're standing with this and then with the campaigners make love not walls so we have all these you know diverse this diverse group of people that were part of this campaign and we're going to show them all you know in our clothes yeah you know and I think they I think that would have been a great way to stop them from talking or have them keep talking and let them kind of just argue amongst themselves yeah sure but um instead they just took the image down I was like ah yes yeah and for you do you just find that you have to just pick and choose your battles yeah it is it takes a lot of energy it's very training because I I hate having like sometimes I do hate having the title of trans over my head over for everything sometimes I just want to be late actually the artist and this is my music or this is what I'm doing this is the project that I'm working on now not the transgender this and that and then and it's like I always want to speak on behalf of my community and like put the put the community in a positive light and I hope that I'm doing that and I'm able to do that well but uh it's a lot of pressure do people treat you definitely know that your transitions so there's there's a mixture of things because I'm not visibly trans even though I'm out as a trans man because of my clone called passing privilege I can get some backlash from it sometimes which is just to explain passing means that I'm not not visibly trans so like if I don't say it people wouldn't know right so they say that not all trans men look like this and which is true every like everyone looks differently and every one you want to present yourself or express your gender in the way of whatever way that you want to so for me this is the way I express my gender it is binary and you know sometimes people don't like that and I can't really I'm not I have to all I can say to that is I'm living for me and this is what I've always wanted it is how I express myself and my gender identity so this is me this is who I am moving away outside of more plain yeah I would say do talking about trans politics right yeah you know what do you what do you do when you're not working what I'm not I'm at the gym some cakes that complete still work is this still part of the whole image so I I do I like to work out but usually I'm a big old homebody I like to stay I'd like to stay at home I usually keep to myself like watched the new TV shows that are on Netflix and things and I walk by next to the net flix building when I walk to the gym yes I walk in LA and I'm like I want to be in a show there so I my mind is almost kind of always on work and like the next thing but I like I'd like to spend time with with the people that are close to me with close friends my family I'd like to fly back home and see what to spend time with my mom and my brothers whenever I get the opportunity to yeah just I just keep to myself and just try to stay around like keep myself centered and balanced I say around like people that that I care about and I care about me sure yes the last great find like if you're having a you just really need to veg to veg out I watch like the corniest little movie the other day is called Napoli ever after it's a it starring Sanaa Lathan and it was it was a really cute little story and it was it's like a romantic comedy it's very easy to digest it's very like some people thought it was terrible but I thought it was really cute and I watched yes I don't I've never really celebrated my birthday like I used to when I was when I was a kid but because in Latin families the parents throw the parties to have a party it's not really for the kids birthday is because they want a party but um as I became an adult I just didn't really celebrate my birthday yeah I feel like I'm finally like sometimes especially being in this industry and that kind of it's an industry that's obsessed with being young and being beautiful there's that like I'm getting old I'm running out of time and I need to do more before I'm like I wanted to do all these things before I was 30 wealthy by this age and I don't whatever that means you know you have all these these things that aren't real but you you think that it's necessary because you're charting a certain age so I just want to continue I want to stay healthy I want to be able to eventually like retire my mom and yeah I want to be able to continue doing I love to do just continued entertainment and doing music and all of it I want to I'm glad that I'm able to do all these things in entertainment I never thought this would even be possible like even sitting here having this interview it's crazy I think that like the person has to define that I can't give a generalized explanation I can define masculinity or being a man for me it would be to be my authentic self to be okay with my my femininity and my softer side like there's nothing inferior about it I think it makes me more complete and it makes it can make any men more complete to be in touch with that I'm not afraid to cry I'm not afraid to be gentle those are I think those are very beautiful things I also like that there's there's a strength behind it so there's there's all of these it's just all of it it's like a flower you don't let anyone else take it away from you no one else defines it but you and no one no one can tell you that you're inferior because they think that you are that's just their opinion happy 30th TQ [Music]

Channel: British GQ

Views: 467,974

Rating: 4.8538966 out of 5

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Id: Khy2hvwQbUs

Length: 40min 3sec (2403 seconds)

Published: Sat Jan 05 2019