Khuṭbah: Towards A Blissful Marriage (Part 1) | Shaykh Dr. Yasir Qadhi

foreign [Music] foreign alone [Music] [Music] my foreign ah i know [Music] if i can ask all the brothers to move forward we don't want people sitting in the back so if you have any space insha allah please pack yourselves to the front as much as possible alhamdulillah all praise is due to allah who created everything in pairs he is the rob of the world and the master of all of our affairs he demonstrated his power through the perfection of creation and he manifested his knowledge through the reality of predestination he created death and life as a trial for us all and attest and to separate the pious from the wicked and to select the best so tabari one to whom belongs all power and majesty and may salat and salam be upon muhammad the mecca and the hashemi as to what follows allah reminds us to be conscious of him when he says in [Music] dear muslims of the greatest blessings and gifts that allah has given to all of mankind the muslim of them and the non-muslim of them of the greatest blessings is that of family and insha allah today and a series of future khutbas we will be talking about the family and the blessings of the family and how to have a blessed family in light of the quran and of the sunnah so today will be the first in a series of khutbas about this topic and today insha allahu ta'ala in particular we will begin with the blessings of the spouse now much has been spoken about when it comes to the rights of the spouse but i hope insha allah in this series to go beyond just the legal and the technical terminologies and to think of the spirit of marriage and to think about how the quran and the sunnah and our human experiences tell us to live a better life and let us begin from the very beginning let us begin from the story of the beginning of the creation because even in that story there are lessons for marriage how beautiful is it dear muslims that when allah created the first human being he didn't leave him single when allah created our father adam as soon as our father adam was created from adam our father was blessed with a spouse and our mother hawa was gifted to adam even before the two of them were told to enter jannah even before allah told adam to enter jannah allah had created a spouse for adam you and your wife the two of you live together in jannah it is as if even jannah is not jannah without your other half the two of you together live in jannah and allah showed us in the creation story that our spouses are from us and within us allah azzawajal did not create the creation from anew adam was created from anew adam was created from clay hawa could have been created from clay how what could have been fashioned as well but to demonstrate the fact that men and women bowed as the quran says to demonstrate that the man is from the woman and the woman is from the man because if allah had wanted to he could have fashioned like he fashioned adam but no to demonstrate that the two of them are from and to each other allah created from adam and from him he created the spouse and allah mentions in the quran as well that hawa and adam lived in jannah for a period of time then what happened happened and the two of them came down to this earth together the both of you come down together so subhanallah brothers and sisters think about this story which is the first marriage in all of the creation because it is the marriage of our mother and our father adam and hawa think about their lives we do not have stories of their time on earth but i want you after the khutba is over when you're alone by yourself i want you to imagine and visualize two human beings with no companionship other themselves without knowing any aspect of technology not having even the knowledge of how to light a fire not having knowledge of how to harvest seeds and plants think of those two human beings once upon a time they were in jannah eating and drinking and enjoying jannah then instantaneously they are on this earth struggling and toiling they don't even know how to build a shelter they don't even have anything other than the clothes allah azza sent them down upon but you see allah knew that the two of them would be on earth so it is as if allah prepared for the difficult times ahead that the two of them had each other they had no other human being they had no knowledge of how to live on this earth they were the first human beings but allah subhanahu wa ta'ala created them for each other can you imagine the difficult times they would have lived in can you imagine every single day and hour struggling where to eat how to survive after having been in jannah but allah azzawajal wanted to show mercy to our father adam he didn't leave him alone and that story of the very first marriage it is as if it is a microcosm of all marriages it is as if allah is showing us divine wisdom they were created together they worshiped allah in jannah together they brought down on earth together they repented together they lived the most beautiful days together and they lived the most difficult days together it is as if allah is saying through the thick and through the thin through through the difficult and through the easy through the ups and through the downs it is the spouses that comfort one another this is the wisdom this is the goal of why allah subhanahu wa ta'ala created us in pairs we all understand that if allah had wanted to we wouldn't be in these pairs we all understand that this is of the divine gifts that the quran explicitly mentions multiple times the quran asks us to think about the fact that he created us in male and female he created you in two zojain in two pairs the male and the female this is of the ayat of allah of the miracles of allah in surat the verse that is recited in every single marriage every time somebody gets married the khatib recites this verse because it is related to marriage but it is a verse that allows us to think and to reflect and of the signs of allah of the miracles of allah allah calls marriage of his miracles think about that do you know what an ayah is allah calls the quran an ayah allah calls the the the camel that was sent to the people of salih and ayah this is a miracle when you look at it you are astounded at the magnificence of allah that's an ayah to look at an ayah is astonishing an ayah demonstrates the power of allah the mercy of allah the kudra of allah that's what an ayah is and allah says and of his ayat is the miracle of marriage think about that think about that we take it for granted because obviously we all are in a world of marriages we're born from a marriage we're married this is how we live but allah is saying just like the sun just like the moon don't take it for granted these are ayats of his miraculous signs is that he created for you allah doesn't benefit if we're in two genders or one it doesn't matter to allah but allah wanted to benefit us allah wanted to make things easy for us it is a gift to you this is for us that allah created us in male and female allah created us husbands and wives it's a gift to you to make things easy for you from you and we spoke about this before from you we are not alien species was not created separate no created for you from you created for you from you and of course the reality here is to demonstrate as the quran says the both of you are from the both of you men are for men and women and women are from men and women we are not alien species we are the same and yet we are complementary the term zoj by the way it literally means pear in the arabic language the term zoj it means pair it is as if the two are meant to be together you talk about a pair of shoes you talk about a pair of something literally it's as if the husband and wife were intended to be together that's what zoge means so allah says then he tells us why what is the wisdom the word second in the arabic language primarily the first thing that comes to mind of our arab brothers is a house second is a house and allah uses the term here for marriage because your marriage is your house your marriage is your house if you build your marriage you have built your house and if you have destroyed your marriage you have destroyed your house the term second literally means the house that you live in and allah says the same route from building a house is used for a marriage because this is the essence of marriage far more important than your physical second far more important than the building and the mortar and the bricks of your house is the love inside the house you can have a house built on marriage of love even if you don't have a physical house adam and hawa did not have a house for allah knows how long they didn't even know how to build a house adam and hawa did not have a house but they had a second of marriage yet there are those who have magnificent palaces but they do not have second inside they do not have households built upon love and upon marriage also one of the meanings of second as well and sukun as we're all aware of is tranquility one of the meanings of second is peace so ponder over this point here brothers and sisters we are being told it is as if the world is a very difficult place it is as if the world is full of problems stress grief anxiety and then we have a spouse and in that spouse we will find comfort we will find peace we'll find tranquility the world gives you a lot of problems but when you have a loving spouse when you have a spouse that cares about you and you care about him or her when your marriage is solid then insha'allah the problems of this world are manageable but when your second is being destroyed when your marriage is crumbling when you don't have happiness inside the house then as we all know all of the happiness outside the house will not make you happy that's what allah is saying your real sequina will be found in your spouse the real happiness is the happiness of marriage and family if you have a blessed family a blessed marriage then insha allah finances everything else they come and go but you will live a good life but if you have all the money in the world but your marriage is crumbling your children are not happy with you well then of what use is all of that this is what allah is saying of the wisdoms of marriage of the wisdoms of having a spouse to find comfort to find happiness to find peace and tranquility within your spouse and this is something you need to find you need to put in the effort it does it's not already there you have to work on your marriages and inshallah in the future we'll be talking a little bit about how to work on those marriages and then allah azzawajal says something amazing we've heard this verse all the time brothers and sisters but look at this look at this interesting point here and he has place between you love and tenderness notice here allah ascribes love to himself and allah says he is the one that has blessed you to have that love literally allah takes ownership of the love of the marriage and allah says i am the one that has made that love in your hearts notice this is the shut off this is the dignity that allah gives to that love this is not a love to be embarrassed about this is not to love to hide this love is a divine gift from allah this love is a divine blessing that allah puts in the quran allah has placed love between you and allah has placed tenderness a love that is overpowering and as we know is tenderness and mercy the both are in the spouse the both are in the good spouse the righteous spouse and that blessing is ascribed to allah subhanahu wa ta'ala you know this emotion of love wallahi the world knows this emotion of love of what of what what is the goal of poetry except love what is the goal of all of these movies except this love what is the goal of all of these romance novels except love that feeling of love is something that all of us cherish all of us we understand it and allah says when it occurs within a marriage it is my gift to you it is my gift unto you allah brothers and sisters a gift that is from allah should we not cherish it should we not protect it should we not work to sustain it allah is saying this is my gift to you well then what does that mean to us it means we need to thank allah for it we need to cherish and make sure that that gift is not taken away subhanallah we are all see this reality as i said it's a human reality that's why the poets write their poetry and the script writers wrote to write their movies we all know this reality that powerful feeling of love two strangers come together they have not been raised together they are not biologically related and yet their love is the most powerful love the most tender love it is that love that is the love that everybody knows and cherishes and allah says you know that miracle i gave it unto you only what it occurs within a marriage the way that it should it is a gift from allah if it is existing outside it is not that type of gift this is the gift between husband and wife allah begins that of his many miracles is the miracle of marriage then allah says in this are many ayat not just one in the miracle of marriage are many miracles allah azzawajal makes marriage not just one in this are many signs of to those who think to those who ponder the more you think about the miracle of husband and wife the more you think about the miracle of family the more you will appreciate the blessings that allah has given unto us now of course brothers and sisters with this blessing comes responsibility and this is where insha'allah i'll be giving future about this reality of responsibility but today i wanted to just open up the topic to mention this beautiful institution known as marriage and to underscore that it is a divine gift that allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has given us now as i said brothers and sisters many khutbas and they concentrate on the technical and the legal aspects of the rights of the husband and the rights of the wife and that has a role it has a place we must be educated about the hook of the zoj and the zoja and insha'allah there's plenty online to tell you about the legal and issues but i want to mention one point dear brothers and sisters especially dear husbands no marriage is going to flourish if you are interested in the bare minimal legal rights that is due to the other no marriage is going to flourish if you're looking at the technical definitions of the law a marriage is based upon sacrifice and love and not based upon the minimalistic expectations the books of fick are not what you turn to to how to have a happy marriage that is when there's difficulties what is the technical issues yes that's legal stuff it should be done but to have a happy marriage you need to move beyond the minimal requirements you need to move beyond the and to ask yourselves what can i do to make this marriage flourish and as i said inshallah we'll be talking about this in our future khutbahs and topics but i wanted to just mention one point before we move on in future khudbaz one point and that is dear brothers and sisters and i'm addressing those of you that have been married for five 10 15 20 50 years i'm addressing those of you that have been married for a number of years and you understand that marriage has its ups and downs you understand that marriage does have its sweet points but yes it also has its negatives as well i speak to you especially those of you that are struggling those of you that might not be in the types of marriages you think were what you imagined when you were young and single i'm speaking to all of you and i say every single marriage every single marriage insha'allah if the two parties are sincere it can be salvaged and saved this is of the biggest blessings that allah has promised us in the quran our scholars mention the most optimistic verse when it comes to marriage in the quran is the verse in surat al-baqarah when allah says if the two of them want to make peace husband and wife if the two of them want to make things work allah will bring about reconciliation between them this is not just cheap slogans this is a divine promise dear husband and dear wife it is a divine promise to all of you allah has made a hard and fast rule and when allah makes a rule there are no exceptions allah azzawajal has said in yurida islam if the husband and wife want to make things work will bring about tawfiq between them all that is required is sincerity that's it that's it you come to the table with a sincere heart i want to make our marriage work but there has to be one other condition the other side also has to come with that condition if the both of you have that condition if the both of you come and you say you know what we're having problems we all couples have problems but i want to make this marriage work and the other spouse says the same thing then good news glad tidings bashara allah has guaranteed that your marriage is going to flourish and subhanallah there's other optimistic verses about marriage as well brothers and sisters we must have a positive attitude let me give you one other optimistic verse and wallahi this verse is really very profound very mind-boggling if you think about it it's a technical topic and i have to introduce it a little bit allah azza talks about the laws of divorce maybe one quba will talk about the laws of divorce and allah mentions one of the rules of divorce that after you give talaq you say the divorce when you reconciliation fails when the marriage process you think is over you give the talaq allah makes a hard and fast rule that rule is the husband and wife must live together in the same house for the period of the iddah for three months husband and wife are going to live under the same roof this is after the husband says divorce this is after the first and second talaq for three months allah says in the quran do not expel them from their houses neither should they leave by the way footnote here notice allah says to the men do not expel your wife from her house calls the wife's house even though technically generally speaking who owns the house in most societies and cultures who paid for the house in most societies and cultures i'm not talking about dual income i'm talking about generally speaking in most of human history who purchased the house with their money it was the husband correct yet allah says do not expel the wife from her house it is as if allah is saying house isn't just money house isn't just legal ownership you built a life together that is her house as well don't destroy it so easily allah ascribes the house to her even though ownership is his to indicate that there is something beyond the technicalities the point being allah says do not expel them from their houses neither should they leave then notice this verse by the way when is this verse applicable at the very end of the end when the marriage has one final thread then is going to snap and the marriage is over literally one thread left talaq has been given three months are there then what does allah say listen to this brothers and sisters and memorize this verse how do you know perhaps allah azzawajal will bring about a new affair between the two of them a new manner that will bring them together perhaps allah might bring the two of them back together again at the very end of the marriage and allah says don't give up hope do not give up hope you do not know perhaps allah will bring them back together again if this is a verse that is applicable when the talaq has been given and the three-month is in place and the wife is about to leave and allah says how do you know do you know the future can you control the hearts of men and women do you know you do not know perhaps allah will bring about a new reconciliation between them if this is the optimism at the very end of the marriage then dear brother and sister insha allah your marriage is not that bad inshaallah your marriage is not at that stage if we're supposed to be optimistic at that stage then how about when marriages have their ups and downs arguments and love this is the reality of marriage when that is the case then we approach with a positive attitude we think the best thoughts and we put our trust in allah subhanahu wa ta'ala and inshallah as i said in the future we'll be giving more specific mechanisms and advice about how we can preserve and protect our marriages may allah bless me and you within through the quran and may make us of those who as verses they understand and applies halal and haram throughout our lifespan ask allah's forgiveness you as well ask him for his theraphur and rahman all praises due to allah the one and the unique he it is that we worship and it is his blessings that we seek he is the lord of the oppressed and he answers the call of the week dear muslims the reality of marriage is that every single marriage has its ups and its downs it's good and it's bad its arguments and its peace its love and yes even its hate this is the reality of marriage and if allah azzawajal had wanted to create a marriage that has no negativity no fighting no anger no bickering he would have done so in the marriage of our prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam and our mother and our mother aisha he would have done that but we learn from the seerah we learn from the books of hadith frankly we learn from the quran what is go read it we learn from the quran that even our prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam and our mothers there was some back and forth now i want to ask you why why if allah had wanted to he could have made our prophet salallahu's marriage fool proof water tight not a single argument not a single issue of course he could have but then if he did so where would be the role model how could we relate how could we learn anything if our prophet saws and became an angel if our prophet sam and our mothers became angelic where is the role model for us so allah azza demonstrated that even the best marriage even the most perfect marriage you're going to have some bickerings and that's normal nothing wrong with it nothing wrong it is human nature and many are the episodes of the seerah that demonstrate this but to give you one simple example which also has an element of humor to it that inshallah we can all benefit from it is reported in the muslim ahmed it is reported in the muslim that once in the early days of madinah so this is when the prophet shall were you know newlyweds right so relatively early in the seerah uh abu bakr al-siddiq came to visit his daughter aisha and as he was standing outside the door he heard aisha's voice raising high and rebuking the prophet sallallahu alaihi for something getting angry at something he heard his daughter's voice in a loud manner argumentative speaking against something we don't know the details we don't need to know but you know happens between husband and wife he knocked on the door and the process him allowed him in and after saying salaam he immediately rushed to his daughter aisha this is his daughter and he says o daughter of uman how dare you raise your voice against the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam by the way when the father is angry he calls the children the mother's children and when the mother is angry he calls the children the father's children says but now he's not happy so he says this is from your mother it's not from my side so he says oh binta um how dare you raise your voice against the voice of the prophet salallahu alaihi wasallam subhan allah we as husbands do you not think if the process and wanted to he could have silenced do you not think if allah had wanted he would have revealed to the wise of the process do not raise your voices but that would be unreal it would be unrealistic it would be ungentlemanly our prophecism is sitting quiet and ha isha is getting irritated for a natural reason it's human nature nothing wrong with it she's asking or whatever it might be we don't know the details but abu bakr as a man cannot bear to see anybody raise his voice against the voice of the prophet sallallahu alaihi what is allowed for the women folk it is not allowed for the men folk no men would dare raise their voices but this is our mother this is the wife of the prophet salallahu and she is saying what she is saying and so in his anger abu bakr allah he kind of lost his temper and it is as if perhaps he raised his hand maybe to you know discipline and again in that culture the father would discipline the daughter and the husband well this is the way it was so he raised his hand subhan allah we learn in the hadith as soon as he raised his hand the prophet sallam stood up and came between abu bakr and allah you're not going to hit my wife subhanallah he came between abu bakr and to protect aisha right after aisha was rebuking him think about this scene now the hand is raised the process is there what's going to happen obviously obaka's hand goes down he feels embarrassed he excuses himself and he walks away to calm down and the prophet saws now turns to aisha and notice here he's breaking the ice he's now diffusing the tension after all of this anger that has happened he's diffusing the tension this is the process he says don't you see how i defended you against that man don't you see how i defended you against that man meaning after all that you've done i'm still going to defend you and they began talking back and forth until abu bakr assad calmed down he came back again he knocked on the door he entered in and the two of them were laughing and smiling tadaka they were laughing and smiling back to normal and then he says apologizing ya rasulallah ya rasool allah allow me to enter into your times of peace as i entered in during your times of war together subhanallah allow me to now participate during your times of peace as i participated when the two of you were battling one another so our prophet saws smiled and said yes indeed we'll let you come in yes indeed we'll let you come in this was his excuse and apology my point being dear brothers and sisters in these anecdotes in these incidents this is what the humanity of our prophet saws this is where we learn role models yes every once in a while a husband and wife might get irritated might raise their voice it is the reality of being human but the goal is not that you have a marriage in which there's no fighting no raising of the voice no anger no that's impossible the goal is that that is the exception and the rule is that they're laughing together the rule is that they're protecting one another as our prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam did and that is insha'allah the goal that all of us can strive for it is insha allah something we'll be talking about in the future as well dear muslims the norm and the goal is that your marriage brings more sakina and more rahma and yes there's gonna be some tension there's gonna be some downs it is what it is our prophet sasam had an entire month where he slept in the masjid we know this because of marital tensions that is the reality of life but in all of his years of marriage that only happened once only happened once so yes sometimes the situation becomes tough but the go the goal is that the positives far outweigh the negatives and the goal is that the love and the mercy is what it should be and we ask allah subhanahu wa ta'ala to make all of our marriages like this [Music] [Music] me

Channel: Yasir Qadhi

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Keywords: yasir, qadhi, official, islamic, scholar, Islam, Quran, Sunnah, Hadith, Bukhari, Muslim, Tirmidhi, Peace in Islam, Mercy of Allah, Blessings of Allah, Qadr of Allah, Islamic Lecture, Atheism in Islam, Zakat, Yasir Qadhi, Shaykh Dr. Yasir Qadhi, Islam in 2021, Jummah Khutbah, Modern Islamic Issues, Muslim Youth, Islamic Questions Answered, Islamic Theology, Towards A Blissful Marriage in Islam, Tips for A Successful Marriage in Islam

Id: hWa5VMwJ9RM

Length: 35min 19sec (2119 seconds)

Published: Sat Aug 14 2021