Hey guys, so despite the fact that members
of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints stopped practicing plural marriage
over a hundred years ago, the fact that it was once a thing is still understandably
hard for people to digest, myself included. As I mentioned in the last episode we did about
polygamy, I don’t like this subject. I’d bet MOST Latter-day Saints today don’t like it. That said,
it’s part of our history, so we’ve got to own it. But while I still have lots of questions
about plural marriage, there are also lots of rumors and misconceptions about
the practice that we can address. One subject of considerable controversy
is Joseph Smith’s plural marriage to 14-year-old Helen Mar Kimball. So that is what
we’re going to talk about in this episode. [Intro] Alright guys, so here’s where the rubber meets the
road. People are uncomfortable with the fact that Joseph Smith married a 14-year-old mainly because
marriage usually implies a sexual relationship, and Joseph Smith having a sexual relationship
with 14-year-old sounds super inappropriate. So, for the record: While there’s not enough
evidence to prove anything, what we do know suggests that the relationship between
Joseph and Helen was very likely not sexual. Helen was sealed to Joseph about 13 months
before Joseph was killed. During that time, Helen continued to live at home with her parents.
Brian Hales, who we’ve had on the show, said, “Helen wrote more about plural
marriage than any other female author in the nineteenth century, defending
it and Joseph Smith. … Through those pages, Helen never describes even one time being
alone with the Prophet without a chaperone.” Helen herself defended Joseph’s motives, saying,
“If Joseph had had any impure desires he could have gratified them in the style of the world
with less danger of his life or his character, than to do as he did.” And for more information
suggesting that their relationship was likely not sexual, check out the notes in
the YouTube description of this video. It’s also important to recognize that
Joseph was not “courting” Helen. In fact, marrying Helen was not even Joseph’s idea. It was
her father’s idea, Heber C. Kimball. “He taught me the principle of Celestial marriage and having
a great desire to be connected with the Prophet, Joseph, he offered me to him … my father
introduced to me this principle and asked me if I would be sealed to Joseph,
who came next morning & with my parents I heard him teach & explain the
principle of Celestial marriage. ...” And forming an eternal family connection
really was the purpose of this marriage. Helen’s son, Orson Whitney, described
Helen’s marriage to Joseph as “a golden link ... whereby the houses of Heber
and Joseph were indissolubly and forever joined.” Some of Joseph’s plural marriages were for time
(or mortal life) only, some were for time and eternity, and some were for eternity only. Helen’s
marriage was probably meant for time and eternity, but due to her young age, it seems that for all
intents and purposes the marriage was largely treated as an eternity-only marriage, similar to
some of his marriages to women on the opposite end of the age spectrum, like 56-year-old
Fanny Young or 58-year-old Rhoda Richards. Now, clearly Helen’s father wanted the best
for Helen and believed that this was it, but that understandably
didn’t make it easy for Helen, and in her writing she talks about how she
“thought [her]self a much abused child” because after her marriage to Joseph she wasn’t allowed
to be as socially involved as her peers, suggesting that she may not have fully
understood the social implications of the marriage at the time. And later in life, Helen did
acknowledge that at the time, she “was too young or too ‘foolish’ to comprehend and appreciate
all that [she] heard [Joseph Smith] teach.” Latter-day Saints consider eternal marriage
to be an ordinance necessary for exaltation, assuming the parties involved stay true to the
covenants they make. But there is some controversy surrounding Helen’s understanding of what her
sealing to Joseph meant for her in the eternities. She remembers Joseph saying at the time,
“‘If you will take this step, it will ensure your eternal salvation and exaltation & that of
your father’s household & all of your kindred.’ This promise was so great that I willingly
gave myself to purchase so glorious a reward.” Now obviously, Helen was under some pressure from
her father to accept the marriage, and Joseph’s status as the prophet surely added pressure.
But some people point to this quote as evidence that Joseph coerced Helen into the marriage
with the promise of unconditional exaltation. I find that conclusion unlikely because on
the very next page of Helen’s recollection, she references the promises Joseph made
to her and says that “with the help of our Heavenly Father I am determined to
so live that I can claim those promises,” suggesting that she was aware that those
promises were not without conditions. Also, Helen’s parents were present when
Joseph made these promises. Helen was sealed to Joseph in May 1843, and we have a
June letter from her mother and a July letter from her father that pretty clearly show that
they also did not consider anyone’s exaltation to be guaranteed through marriage. But you’re
certainly free to come to your own conclusions. My personal conclusion is that while this
marriage was understandably hard for Helen, it wasn’t the product of
Joseph Smith being creepy, but was rather a way for the Kimball family and
the Smith family to be connected after this life. After Joseph died, Helen was remarried to Horace
Whitney, who also later practiced polygamy. While it was oftentimes a heart-wrenching
practice, she defended it. She wrote, “I did not try to conceal the fact of [plural
marriage] having been a trial, but confessed that it had been one of the severest of
my life; but that it had also proven one of the greatest of blessings.” She died as
a believing member of the faith in 1896. Check out the resources in the YouTube description
for more info on this topic, and have a great day!
