Johnny Carson's Monologue Has Rough Start, But Hilarious Ending 12-14-1988

and now ladies and gentlemen Johnny okay I uh you just want to get this over with so you can get back to the mall don't you Oh your nice mood tonight have you been out don't you don't do the shopping yet have you been in one of the shopping malls at all out here grim it's like downtown Calcutta with music well this is December 14th right you know what that means only 65 more showings of It's a Wonderful Life before Christmas you're just you're just worn out and shopping aren't you you just don't want to let it oh this isn't it's better to give than to receive you know folks I'm the giver and you're to receive but we live in strange times really yes we took - how strange thank you very much today the Surgeon General announ introduced the first safe Santa but we wonder who half of that works here he has a Velcro lap so your kid can't fall off and hurt himself you didn't tell me uh you're from Massachusetts yes you're from or Oregon and I'm from Nebraska and we're now living in California is Christmas a little bit different alcohol it's we're get-- used to it temperatures the other day were 84 um in Malibu it's really weird now when I was back in Nebraska you know Santa would come slide down the chimney put an orange in your stocking out in Malibu Santa jumps through a solar panel and leaves a Kiwi in your Reeboks they had sadly they had to cancel the nativity scene in Malibu's a town square there was a real estate boom last week and the manger went condo ha would that laugh come from one of them Oh from the staff and sit and this morning I really got in the Christmas spirit I saw a small group of Malibu children faxing sanded their Christmas lists from from their car phones for the facility I'm trying to get into it out here but it did stop in Beverly Hills this time of year they want to do something for the less fortunate so they have the they're collecting now for the foie gras drive for the neediest cases and though they go around in Beverly Hills so you live in Beverly Hills we're close to Beverly Hills they go around this time of year and give away coupons for tuxedo rentals to the neediest people is there is there a revolver in the house well I'm gonna keep plunging ahead cuz I I know you're gonna get in the Christmas spirit um I read today that George Bush is sending out 90,000 Christmas cards this year now the big question is will Dan Quayle finish licking those envelopes in time ah thank you for your support speaking of George Bush the White House is gonna have a new dog what's the president's dog's name no rectum no I know what I'm up against we got a crew audience no it was right look they used to have lucky yeah Reagan his hair gray I'm dying the guy in the audience is scoring big no record lucky they sent him on to the ranch in Santa Barbara and then they got Rex they're gonna have a new the dog is called Millie Millie yeah now you didn't know about Mellie because he was kept out of the spotlight during the campaign because Bush was fighting that wimp image so they didn't want him to have a dog named Millie he was replaced temporarily by a pit bull named butch it's all right uh Millie he's Millie's official duties will be the same as a Reagan's dog and that's to pull the president away from Sam Donaldson's questions you know I want you saw the televised address of a Yasser Arafat address the special session of the United Nations in Geneva there was one small embarrassment I don't know if you're aware of this but apparently the airline's lost his luggage on the way over and he addressed the General Assembly wearing a monogrammed towel on his head from the Geneva Hilton didn't Regan make his farewell address to some federal employees four day before yesterday what he has not said goodbye to me yet he said to say goodbye to you sir well I'm gonna say goodbye to you there's a cruel crowd here tonight anyway he's talking about the Iron Triangle oh you hear that he was talking about the deficit and the president says the deficit wasn't his fault a beeper went off in the audience see if you can call my writers on that damn thing I'm no good you know you're not doing well when a guy calls for the paramedics during the mom anybody remember what I was talking about that the president it's taking no responsibility for the deficit he said it wasn't his fault he came up with he think the Iron Triangle which was the news media members of Congress and the special interest groups iron triangles kind of a catchy phrase it'll probably be remembered by historians a lot longer those who think a thousand points of light but a lot of presidents I'm rushing along here we have a busy show and I shouldn't be doing this much actually um outgoing presidents for example like to uh like to want us other things if you remember a person I smile remember aunty was present you knighted States he was born Elvis cool was quite a while ago but was it was in all the papers you must read about eisenhower warned us of the what the hell are they that's right the military industrial complex and Reagan war two Saban see Iron Triangle and Jerry Ford warned us about the third step going up here Force One play poker hey why don't I give up because I am show business folks that's right um ring Regan actually blamed the deficit on what he calls the Iron Triangle now if I was gonna pick a geometric figure to blame the deficit wouldn't the Pentagon be better than a triangle okay uh-huh that's that's about it for me you got

Channel: Johnny Carson

Views: 2,628,988

Rating: 4.5786662 out of 5

Keywords: YouTube Editor, Monologue (Theater Genre), Johnny Carson (Author), Comedy, Hilarious, Funny, Humor, The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson (TV Program), The Tonight Show (TV Program), Stand-up Comedy (TV Genre), Laugh, Lol, youtube, funny videos, funny, Video Clip (Website Category), Funny Comedy, Funny Hilarious, Christmas (Holiday Period), freddie decordova, reagan, Comedy Funny, laughing, 1988, 1980s (Event), johnny carson monologue

Id: jENapQxK6bc

Length: 9min 11sec (551 seconds)

Published: Mon Jan 06 2014

Reddit Comments

[u/ELTEE212]

i dont understand are people just laughing less than usual? like half the jokes are getting pretty decent laughs

[u/Bicurious_MILF]

Ed McMahon's laugh... half great, half annoying.

[u/BadEgg1951]

He was always at his funniest and most creative when the jokes didn't go over.

[u/[deleted]]

Why are all these youtube commentators bringing up politics? Is that really the first place peoples' minds go to in all situations?

[u/spinney]

Man I love me some Johnny Carson. Even though I'm 22 and was only 3 when he went off the air but his magnetism really is something and easy to see in this video. Every talk show host since has just been trying to match his charm.