>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY,
WELCOME BACK. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOU'RE IN
FOR A TREAT BECAUSE MY NEXT GUEST IS ONE OF THE GREATEST
TENNIS PLAYERS OF ALL TIME, AND CERTAINLY ONE OF THE MOST
OPINIONATED. PLEASE WELCOME JOHN McENROE. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: THERE YOU GO. THANKS FOR JOINING US TONIGHT. >> THANKS FOR HAVING ME. >> Stephen: NOW, FOR THE
UNINNICHATED OUT THERE YOU ARE A SEVEN-TIME GRAND SLAM CHAMPION,
NINE-TIME GRAND SLAM MEN'S DOUBLE TITLES, ONE GRAND SLAM
MIXED DOUBLES TITLE, FORMER WORLD NUMBER ONE TENNIS PLAYER. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
NUMBER ONE. NOW, YOU ARE KNOWNS IF YOUR OUST
BURSTS ON THE COURT. PEOPLE THINK OF YOU AS A BIT OF
AN OUTRAGEOUS CHARACTER AT TIMES. BUT YOU HAVE STIRRED THE THE
POT, IN A WAY, THAT YOU RARELY HAVE IN THE PAST BECAUSE THIS
WEEKEND YOU TOPPED YOURSELF. YOU TOLD-- YOU TOPPED YOURSELF,
SIR. YOU TOLD NPR THAT IF SERENA
WILLIAMS WERE ON THE MEN'S CIRCUIT SHE WOULD BE, LIKE,
NUMBER 700 IN THE WORLD ( BOOING ). >> IT DIDN'T GO OVER BIG WITH MY
DAUGHTERS, EITHER, OKAY. >> Stephen: YOU CANNOT BE
SERIOUS. >> YOU KNOW-- YOU KNOW-- THANK
YOU. ( APPLAUSE )
YOU REMEMBER THE HONEYMOONERS, RALPH CRAM DEN? ME AND MY BIG MOUTH! IT WAS A LITTLE BIT LIKE THAT. >> Stephen: WHAT WAS THE
QUESTION THAT LED TO YOU THAT ANSWER? >> WELL, WE WERE TALKING ABOUT
TO SOMEONE ON NPR RADIO, AND SHE SAID SOMETHING TO THE EFFECT,
SHE WAS ASKING ABOUT SERENA, I SAID SERENA WILLIAMS IS THE
GREATEST FEMALE TENNIS PLAYER THAT EVER LIVED. AND I THINK SHE'S ABSOLUTELY
TREMENDOUS. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
AND SHE SAID SHE-- SHE FUMED WITH, "WHY DO YOU HAVE TO SAY
'FEMALE' TENNIS PLAYER? ISN'T SHE THE GREATEST TENNIS
PLAYER THAT EVER LIVED." AND I SAID WAIT, HANG ON A
SECOND HERE. IF WE'RE GOING TO TALK ABOUT
THAT, THEN YOU GET INTO A LITTLE DIFFERENT CATEGORY." YOU KNOW, DO THEY SAY THAT ABOUT
GIRL BASKETBALL PLAYERS THAT THEY'RE AS GOOD AS MICHAEL
JORDAN? FOR EXAMPLE. >> Stephen: THEY MIGHT SAY
WOMEN'S BASKETBALL PLAYERS INSTEAD OF GIRLS. ( LAUGHTER )
SURE. I'M STILL ON AIR TOMORROW. YOU GET TO LEAVE. ALL RIGHT? ( LAUGHTER )
>> PEOPLE ALWAYS ASK ME, "CAN YOU BEAT SERENA WILLIAMS." WHAT IS THIS, "OOOH." MY GIRLS DON'T THINK I CAN BEAT
HER NOW. I THOUGHT I COULD BEAT HER. SHE'S PREGNANT, SO MAYBE I
SHOULD PLAY HER NOW. I'D HAVE A BETTER-- A BETTER
CHANCE. >> Stephen: MIGHT BE--
>> BUT EITHER WAY I WISH HER THE ABSOLUTE BEST. SHE'S BEST THING THAT'S HAPPENED
TO AMERICAN TENNIS IN THE LAST 10, 15 YEARS. >> Stephen: YES, YOU SAID--
AFTER WIMBLEDON, YOU ACTUALLY SAID, AFTER WIMBLEDON IN 2015,
YOU SAID, "SERENA IS ARGUABLY THE GREATEST ATHLETE OF THE LAST
100 YEARS." >> SHE'S CERTAINLY ONE OF THE
GREATEST ATHLETES OF THE LAST 100 YEARS --
>> Stephen: I WAS GIVING YOU THE OUT. THAT WAS THE EXIT DOOR. THAT WAS THE LIFE BOAT I WAS
THROWING YOU. WHY DID YOU HAVE TO STAB IT WITH
A KNIFE? THERE ARE SHARKS IN THE WATER
AROUND YOU RIGHT NOW! >> THAT'S-- THAT'S WHY YOU'RE
KICKING ASS, AND MY SHOW LASTED ON SNBC FOR SIX MONTHS. 12 YEARS AGO. >> Stephen: THAT'S RIGHT. YOU HOSTED-- NOT ONLY DID YOU
HOST THAT, BUT I FOUND OUT-- I FORGOT THIS-- BUT WHEN DAVE WAS
HOST OF "THE LATE SHOW,"" HE GOT SICK AND YOU HOSTED ONE NIGHT? HOW MANY NIGHTS? >> JUST ONE, ONE WAS APPARENTLY
ENOUGH. >> Stephen: JUST FOR THOSE OF
YOU WHO WANT A TASTE, THERE YOU ARE HOSTING "THE LATE SHOW." THE. >> THANK YOU. >> Stephen: MY BROTHER. IT'S A FRATERNITY. VERY FEW PEOPLE GET TO SIT
BEHIND THESE DESKS. HOW DID IT GO? >> WELL, IT DIDN'T GO QUITE AS
WELL AS I WOULD HAVE HOPED. THE MONOLOGUE DIDN'T GO OVER TOO
WELL, AND SUBSEQUENTLY WE HAD HAD A GUEST, FRENCH CHEF. I MADE SOME TYPE OF COMMENT THAT
THE FRENCH HADN'T BACKED US UP AFTER 9/11 VERY WELL --
>> Stephen: WAIT A SECOND, WERE YOU GUYS TALKING ABOUT
SAUTEING SCALLOPS AND GO, "BY THE WAY, WHY WOULDN'T YOU LET US
USE YOUR AIRBASES TO BOMB?" >> HE DIDN'T LIKE THEY MADE THAT
COMMENT, WHICH I GUESS IS FAIR ENOUGH --
>> Stephen: YOU ACCUSED THE FRENCH OF BEING PRO TERRORISM. >> I DID NOT SAY THAT. WE WERE HAVING FUN DOING A
COOKING SEGMENT -- >> Stephen: YOU WERE HAVING
FUN AND BROUGHT UP 9/11? >> YOU HAVE A WAY OF MIXING
THIS, YOU KNOW, POLITICS AND COMEDY. >> Stephen: OKAY, OKAY YOU
DON'T NEED TO CONTINUE WITH THE COMPLIMENTS. ( LAUGHTER ). >> 10 YEARS LATER, THERE WAS A
SHOW ON TV-- IT'S PROBABLY THE SAME NPR INTERVIEWER THAT
SCREWED ME UP WITH SERENA, AND THEY SAID ERR RUPPIER, IF THERE
WAS ONE PERSON YOU WOULDN'T SERVE IN YOUR RESTAURANT, WHO
WOULD THAT BE, IF YOU HAD TO TICK ONE PERSON IN THE ENTIRE
WORLD." AND HE SAID ME
( LAUGHTER ) PLAWZ. >> Stephen: YOU HAVE A NEW
BOOK. IT'S CALLED "BUT SERIOUSLY." >> "BUT SERIOUSLY." >> Stephen: "BUT SERIOUSLY." TELL ME ABOUT IT. ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
NOTHING. I GOT NOTHING. I REALLY-- I REALLY ENJOYED IT. >> JUST READ THE DAMN THING! JUST READ THE DAMN THING! >> Stephen: YOU HAD AN EARLIER
BOOK CALLED "YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS SM. AND NOW "BUT SERIOUSLY." WHAT ARE WE LEARNING HERE THAT
WE DIDN'T LEARN THE LAST TIME? >> WE'RE LEARNING THAT HOPEFULLY
I'M GROWING AS A PERSON, THAT I'VE BEEN ABLE TO SOMEWHAT--
ALTHOUGH YOU WOULDN'T KNOW IT BY YESTERDAY. ( LAUGHTER )
THAT I HAVE TRIED TO REINVENT-- I DON'T KNOW IF REINVENT-- BUT
TRIED TO LOOK AT THE GLASS HALF FULL DESPITE BEING RIDICULED
MERCLESSLY ON NATIONAL TV AT 12 AT NIGHT. >> Stephen: SINCE YOU HAVE
THIS REPUTATION OF THE GUY WITH THE QUICK TEMPER, DO YOU EVER
DISAPPOINT PEOPLE BY BEING EVEN TEMPERD? >> APPARENTLY, I'VE RECENTLY
TAKEN UP GOLF A LITTLE BIT -- >> Stephen: "APPARENTLY"
MEANING THIS IS A RUMOR YOU JUST HEARD ABOUT? YOU HAVE TO PRACTICE MORE. ( LAUGHTER )
WHAT DO YOU MEAN "APPARENTLY?" >> I DON'T WANT TO ADMIT TO IT
BECAUSE I MAY QUIT SOON BECAUSE IT'S SO FRUSTRATING--
( LAUGHTER ) WHAT A GREAT CROWD. ( APPLAUSE ). >> Stephen: UH-HUH... >> BASICALLY, THEY WANT ME--
THEY GO, "LOOK, DON'T YELL AT ME" THE CADDY WILL SAY BEFORE I
TEE OFF. AND THEY'RE UPSET IF I DON'T GET
UPSET. I'M TRYING TO USE REVERSE
PSYCHOLOGY. IT'S A MELLOWER MORE MATURE
McENROE. MAYBE I SHOULD GO BACK TO THE
OLD GUY. >> Stephen: I LIKE THIS GUY. I LIKE THIS GUY, TOO. >> THANK YOU, I APPRECIATE THAT. <i>( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: THANKS FOR BEING</i> HERE MAN. THANK YOU FOR-- GET BEHIND HERE
FOR A SECOND. I WANT TO YOU SAY GONE. I'LL LET YOU GET BEHIND THE DESK
AND SAY GONE. SAY GOOD-BYE. HE'S GOING TO HOST AGAIN. "THE LA"THE LATE SHOW"" HOST. HOLD UP THE DAMN BOOK AND READ
THAT. >> "BUT SERIOUSLY" IS ON SALE
NOW, ME, EVERYBODY, JOHN McENROE. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A
PERFORMANCE BY LILLIE MAE.
