Joe Rogan Experience #727 - Bill Burr

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forum I show and we're live this is what I'd love about bill burr you're not like a regular comedian you're I mean you're a great comic but you do shit you do a lot of shit you don't just sit around and get lazy and fuck off in it you make cakes youyou made pie homemade pie face Gretch bill burr brought in pumpkin pie that I can't wait to dig into it smells fucking fantastic that's a pumpkin pie that's a cream pie and an apple pie it's really smells fucking awesome oh yeah it's a butter bass crust I switched over I switched over I used my parents the one that we grew up on was was shortening like Crisco right and I thought I had too much salt in it and stuff so when I bought the Big Green Egg which is this insane thing that gets impossible to walk up on yeah I'm actually learning how to smoke me guy this guy's been helping me out and I just been on the road so I'm gonna try start back up again this month but they came with this giant cookbook like I made this turkey potpie and everything that tasted fuckin insane from scratch yeah but the the crust is on the one from the big green egg is a recipe that I use which is two scoops of flour and eighth of a teaspoon of salt and then it's like a whole stick of butter and then there's a little bit of shortening like the Crisco shit net but it so it's not like mine was it was too greasy too salty this one is like that flaky that fucking awesome crust yeah it's the best so you're like you're like a chef you're like actively cooking there's like a regular oven failure oh I like it I like to like degrees of difficulty and I actually learned a lot back when the Food Network was awesome like the Food Network is going on the same trajectory that MTV went on you know I mean like it started off MTV it was music videos and then now I don't even know what the fuck it is it's teenage pregnancy there's no music on anymore the Food Network used to be Top Chef teaching you how to cook now it's a lot of just you know their fight of competing with each other like I don't know I don't know what goes on in this and it's a lot more personality driven like that diners driving and dives guy you know what I mean like know what that is what is a he just you know he drives around to these greasy spoons and he lets you knows what's up and but dude the guys restaurants get horrific fucking reviews like just it's like one of the most epic Slams of any fucking restaurant that opened was Fieri yeah yeah that guy yeah that guy so like they went more in that direction where they they went from guys just knowing how to cook to like Guy Fieri he's got a look he's got bleached blonde hair he wears his sunglasses backwards we haven't drive around in the car I'm not really shitting on the guy but they were they went more like that and they tried to like you know and this is okay so Rachel Ray pops up okay we got to find another one of those you know II just I it was really sad to watch because I used to just watch multa Mario was my favorite and he would just be in a kitchen and he would just heard a guy fieri him he's a beast really always a beast this guy would be like comparing to a fighter John Jones he'd be like someone who held the belt for awhile you know what I mean Anderson Silva of cooking I would say that or maybe Jay people go with the flash or George st. Pierre yes SP of cooking Wow although he was early on so I think maybe he's more like those guys when it was born it was literally Taekwondo versus a boxer he came on early so that's the guy yeah so you were that's an unfortunate picture yeah he's um he he so he used to have this show multa Mario and it was just him in his kitchen it was him in his kitchen and he'd uh God he needs he needs somebody to take better pictures though but sausage or on the next a great look yeah it supposed to look like a scarf I don't know so he would just have people over in his kitchen and he would make authentic from scratch just Italian meals and he went over to Italy learned how to cook he can tell you about all the different parts of Italy and the rivalries that they have over there with their food that's why Italians are the greatest fuckin cookers ever because like they get upset with shit like sauces and stuff the way other people kill each other over like their football team you know what I mean like they just don't know this this part doesn't do it right this is the way we do it and I learned I just watched him making these meals and it would be like he would eat a little a part of the meal would have the three or four ingredients and then however he was getting it going and then it would all come together and he would just be shooting the shit talking about Italy as he made his friends a meal which is the greatest thing you could ever fucking do was cook for somebody I think one of the great so it was just a simple show I used to come on in like noon time I watched it every fucking day I would wake up after doin spots late at the the cellar and all that I mean Rebecca was living like I was after I lived at Bobby Kelly but you know we'd stay out late and shit and I would sleep till like fuckin 11:00 I would wake up and rather than watching like The Price is Right or some shit I would just pop that on and I don't know just watching him was interesting and then I I learned I just learned how to cook you know making fucking pasta from scratch his well method you make pasta from scratch it's not hard dude really so you do the flour the eggs it's having the balls to just allow yourself to fuck it up going like I'm gonna fuck this up like I made a key lime pie and I fucked it up because they want a little bit of the I think it's called a rind which is just a little bit like the zest of the lime and I didn't know what I was doing I went to t2 deep and I got to the white part and that's when it gets bitter and it fucked the whole pie up cuz I got fucking I had to throw the thing out but then you know is you know it's anything if you just fuck it up and then fix it it's like if I had the time you know I would learn how to rebuild an engine on a car I love watching those fucking shows but like I've always thought like you know I'm gonna buy like a fucking 82 Chevy citation just some fucking hunk of shit start with that yeah well just because I don't give a fuck about it and like you can screw up on that like I try to learn how to rebuild a carburetor and rather than doing the one on my truck the 68 f100 I bought the same carburetor off of ebay that was fixed and I just took it apart and then tried putting it back together I fucked it up that's that's still something that bugs me it's sitting in my garage like in pieces but like how do you take lessons or do you just try to figure it out on your own who to YouTube just YouTube YouTube drum lesons I take those but like YouTube and shit like there's certain things like I would take a cooking class or something but most my fucking ad like the internet is perfect you can shut it off when you want I mean about the Illuminati and then I learned how to make high and then watching a bear fight an eagle just like like like fucking the internet was made for fucking a DD psychos like me and I just will literally just fly through all of this all of that stuff and uh I've learned to like I didn't think I had a DD then my wife said I had it and then there was that whole well should you fucking you know do something about this and I just really realized that I just got to learn how to make it work for me so what I always have is I always have like nine things going at once you know I mean playing drums learn how to fly a helicopter and make a pie from scratch but the over - over the thing is the fucking comedy but the thing is is doing all of that and fucking up and failing and all the people that I meet in these different parts you know hobbies and shit ends up in forming like characters and shit when your points of view and stuff like you know like shit I used to buy into that you know the flyover States people down the south down south are dumb all that stupid shit that people on the coast thing and then you go there you're like wait a minute these people are fucking cool they're doing different things so that's how I got it - like barbecue and smoking and stuff so like when I go on the road I try to do that when in Rome thing it's different now than I think when we were kids when we were kids I think that was more applicable because but the Internet has informed more people and sort of educated people in a way there there's this cool people everywhere now yeah but it also it depends on how you use any information you get like if you if you just wanted to reinforce it like the joke I always do in my act is everybody just goes - I'm right calm and just reads a bunch of facts and then just throws it at people but I mean I'm guilty of that too but I don't know III I have faith but like watching the kinds of people that have been coming out of the woodwork and this this latest election you know a couple of those guys like watching Ted Cruz now just watching like I would say what's-his-face they're Donald Trump the way he bullies the media and when what pussies they are how they just back down they really just back thing all you gotta do I just gotta give him shit back he just like gives him shit and they just say fuckin sit there and take it it's it's well at first it was funny to me because I used to love watching Bill Parcells I was one of my favorites to watch when he when he would do coach of the Giants and Patriots Cowboys a bunch of places he was at but he would in his press conferences if you asked him a stupid question he would tear your fucking head off in such a perfect way that everybody else in the room was like oh shit I'm not asking him this one I got to make sure I'm on my game like and and he took charge of it because I that's one of the ones where I'm rooting for the guy because I feel like this is a bunch of nerds who maybe they played varsity fucking bass but you know you know the way they come at him like well would you do this you know now that they know the result was something bad I like when he's giving him shit but like I just you know some of this shit that just watching him I like that he's going back at him but the way that they just are backing off him like oh I didn't know he's gonna make me look stupid they just like implode like he sat down once it was fucking hilarious he was in that first Republican debate they were going you said this about women you've said that about women you said this about women he goes nah guys I said that about Rosie O'Donnell and it got a huge laugh she goes no you've said that about other bla bla bla bla the woman and he just goes hey probably right and then that was it and it just went away and I think like he's he's really it's fascinating he's like exposing you know that there are now it's like that Wizard of odds thing that there's just a little guy behind they just have the one question and they're waiting for you to stammer and if you kind of throw that hit the ball back in their Court I just don't think they're ready for it I don't think they're not ready for that kind of a personality in politics they I don't but like some of the racist people and shit that you know that whatever the fuck was going on in that conference room I'm not saying the black dude was a hundred percent in the right you know this guy went there and started yelling some shit at Trump he cackled them and you know when did this happen I don't know do you know about this Jimmy yeah and shit went sideways and then the next thing you know there's a bunch of you know eight white people on top of the black dude or whatever so I really actually try what happened I don't know what happened but all I know is the quote that I read in this I was you know was the politician guy that Trump going well you know maybe maybe should have got roughed up it's just like Jesus dude Jesus this sounds like I'm watching a mob movie it's really weird so Trump was saying maybe the guy should have got rough did I think to like I said I got a DD I was on like 20 different sites I think I have a DD too but it was like clickbait like I was probably you know I don't know here it is yeah Donald Trump on his black lives matter huh yeah maybe he should have been roughed up but you know black lives matter I mean that this movement is so strange oh they interrupt shit and scream things like you hurt you saw what happened in Dartmouth in New Hampshire they walked through his study hall these kids were studying they start screaming black lives matter black lives in study hall just their study at that we're knowing people yeah that's the lowest level of like trying to get attention yeah and not and not having people want to hear what the fuck you have to say is it just going in annoy the shit out of somebody it's like those people when they ride the bikes like a thousand of them get together and they blow through lights like that's gonna be like you know what there should be a bike lane out here I just think I wish I had a bus and I could run over all of them right which is why you know I don't know I look at those terrorist acts like I would think that if like a lot of the complaints legitimate complaints that being oppressed the their natural resources are being pulled out of their countries and they're not getting the the money for it but to then blow up innocent people go in and shoot them it kills your fucking message do you really need is a documentary yet by some bleeding-heart person would I think would do way more than a dirty bomb or whatever the fuck it is they're trying to achieve because it just makes you think like no matter what that point is it's just like how could you do that yeah I think what their point what they're trying to do if I had a guess is they're trying to get people to not like any Muslims to hate Muslims because there's like 1.6 billion Muslims if they can make it about Muslims and not just about Isis or just about one terrorist group and separate people to the point where it's everyone is just attacking people that are of Islamic faith right then they have we wore I think that's ultimately yeah and you can make a tiny pocket there's a very few people can make a ton of fucking money this is a ton of money they're all so fucking crazy I mean it's it's ideology they're trying to dominate parts of the world I mean money is definitely a big part of it but did you see that that that documentary on Scientology yes amazing yeah and I watched it I was just like if you can't see your own religion in this if you don't see the beginning of your own religion in this yes the only thing that fuck Scientology is this video of the dude he just started it too late if that guy started it in like I don't know 1800s they still give him shit cuz it be a newer one but the fact that there wouldn't have been video of this fucked up teeth looking redheaded dude on some broken-down boat like if there wasn't video of that like I think people could could really see I mean dude my background my my religion I mean this shit that we have done yeah is it just it's like everything that they're saying that every Muslim is doing right now it's like well we've done that in spades it wasn't a couple of extremists it was the leaders of the religion you know Crusades the Inquisition the fucking pedophilia it's dude they were in bed with the Nazis yeah you know when Jews went to find like way to hell at all I would have took my riding lawnmower or whatever they went up at the fucking Vatican like some of this shit was there now always though were those yours sorry yeah they were on both sides they were just like listen I don't know how this is gonna shake out you know a lot of people in Europe were like that they've always done that you know there's there's a dance course the Germans make you know you got to think they're gonna win it's just too small an island small a country it was a big country like the United States and they made shit like that'll be pretty well my favorite quotes from a german general was said one tiger tank was worth four American Sherman tanks but the Americans always had five that's a great quote that's what it was it was fucking McDonald's we were just cranking them out like fucking quarter pounders with cheese it is crazy we think about the fact like howdy Mercedes BMW like BMW used to make jet engines taken that technology was in their tanks dude when I was I mean this shit I've been reading is like when American soldiers killed somebody German they dropped the American gun and picked up the German freely yeah like our machine guns I guess overheated or there's a toast you know come on man you like contra nearing you know how it is I mean that we got the Corvette we got a couple but most of them are kind of a Montecarlo yeah we have like old muscle cars what I like is I like the old muscle cars cause the way they look and the way they sound but the way they drive compared if you took like a 1980s Porsche or even a seven he's good to get look in 1973 Porsche I got 1973 911 they staked handle pretty fucking good oh yeah the pretty goddamn good I mean not like a new car but pretty good the American what the American excuses is we had all this land so he could have straight roads what they had over there dude those were like the original cow paths when they will bring in fucking visions to town and all they just paved over them basically and then all of a sudden you how do we go 200 miles an hour on this that's why you know Formula One has right and left turns best will do is just drive in a circle over here I love it dude I love the more I travel the funnier we are like we're fucking loud we got a lot of shit but we're not bad they try to make it seem like we're bad but we're not but it's just we just are a product of where we're from and who's kidding human it's is it any more fun than just stomping on the gas miles an hour to straight line well finally the cars fly making today like the new z28 or the new Camaros the new Corvettes the new Mustangs they actually hand Analects the Cadillac it was the suspension once they actually put some money because all we would do is just be like what the fuck in this thing hold in this engine bay which automatically stupid cuz you're adding weight there so but we would just stick as far as I can I've seen if you just stick that in there and it was all about doing the quarter mile or something i blowing somebody off at a fucking red light even as recently as like the 2013 gt500 shelby i think it was like a 60/40 weight balance like 60% front end because it was all engine that is it's so out of balance it now that's that's bad thing because I don't know I don't know come how it's like if you want any if you want you really would like 5050 5050 is ideal Porsche puts the engine in the rear but they do that for traction because the engine sits over the back wheels and it helps you get off the line faster and it helps you when you're going around corners to to hit corners faster Jamie can make some tea what the fuck is going on my throat but when you want when you go around corners it helps you get on the gas quicker because there's more traction oh and there's like a pendulum effect too with having to wait in the back that you could actually use and manipulate the guys who know how to drive Porsches really well they know how to manipulate that so they actually steer with the throttle so as they're turning they hit the gas and the ascend kicks out and changes the angle of the turn those really yeah really badass drivers know how to manipulate it so once again thank God Germany was such a small country Donald joke no I think he did it on Letterman well I figured out what went but it was just something to the effect that Germany how small they were like they were basically the size of the state of Maine and they tried to take over the world and he goes and they almost did it yeah they almost closed it is amazing that one country produced so much engineering when you the automotive engineering that came out of that one spot to this day the biggest car companies in the world Porsche Mercedes Audi BMW all those are German that's that's phenomenal we rated their secrets afterwards like everything from audio tape to our like NASA program yeah was riddled operation paper clutter sauerkraut on that paper well not just ours the Russians - they took a lot of the engineers from from Nazi Germany - oh they did yeah yeah there was like a battle between their their Nazis and our Nazis that's the operation paper tell if it was like more than a hundred Nazi scientists they took over it's fucking crazy the whole Nazi like Werner von Werner von Braun the guy who ran NASA the Simon Wiesenthal Center said that if he was alive today they would prosecute him for crimes against humanity he was a fuckin straight-up Nazi oh it was he hung Jews he hung the five slowest Jews in front of his rocket Factory in Berlin the five slowest workers they would just hang them no wait so this guy was could build rockets and he was also into that shit because I always felt like what Germany was like you're the scientist you're under this flag so you got to work with these guys who were gonna kill you I didn't know that you could actually be an egghead like that usually scientists they understand that human beings are human you know what I mean well he might have just complied so that he could get his rocket factory going and have the funds and have all the necessary ie have all the tools and all that jazz I don't know exactly you know how he how he did it but he was a Nazi I mean why he was a Nazis up to the bases Christ yeah how do you get out of that it's a good question you can't say no you run away well they can we just do four is four cool just one no why is enough oh man yeah he's uh I mean obviously he was a brilliant scientist but they gotta lie a lot of brilliant scientists they brought over from Germany and then Germany's never gonna shake that one off that's what's gonna be that's gonna be that's another one it's on it's on like two things it's it's on video you know there's video documentation of it and and that country still exists you know what I mean they won't have Scientology they won't let Scientology in it's illegal in Germany why because of what happened to them like they're they're nervous about people starting movements oh no any kind of cults any kind of mind control shit anything that looks nutty no not here fell not here without dates or people falling Dave Matthews I think too much organization fish fish was one that I never got did you ever try to listen to that yeah I did I just I I had young years when I did so I'd have to go back and let's do like I was coming right out of hair metal just starting to accept grunge and then I went to this fucking jam band I did see them live how the fuck did I end up see I saw them at the old Boston Garden because it was it was WB CN had this thing they had two stages going and they just had all these like every fucking band like the spin doctors and just all of these guys and then fish closed it I forget who I wanted to see though it wasn't either one of those bands it was somebody else was a long fucking time ago and I remember seeing them and the crowd was going fucking nuts and they had these little trampy Knowles workout trampolines they were like jumping up and down on them as they played really long songs that's what I remember only long songs element but I bet if I listen to him now I would like I could maybe get my head around it but that was definitely that's the graceful Grateful Dead did that too right there those really long jam songs they just go on and on yeah yeah you had to go see them live to get it if you were someone like like I went I saw him at Sullivan Stadium and I something right before that keyboardist od'd like literally two months before that and I remember going there and I was sorting into the music but watching how in how much they were connecting with the people there I actually just like I get this I get why people could get sucked into this because what was cool was there was a ton of people there but there was no violent violence vibe there there wasn't like oh hey watch out for that guy everybody was just really fucking cool right and going nuts and was like beyond excited that they were there but once again it just it didn't wasn't really for me but wasn't everybody on acid and that's the whole thing about those things that everybody's tripping I mean I think it's available I don't think literally everybody but there's a lot of people yeah but whatever drugs they were doing I mean I had a cousin that followed them around when I was a high school I guess she went to college for a little bit and then her and her boyfriend just traveled around hit a VW bus one of those buses you know little vans and at the back of the van they would sell scrambled eggs they would like buy groceries and make bacon and eggs and sell them to people that were coming in that was like heard it those are gigs who transplants kind of this there's a night there's a beauty in that simplicity but I think after awhile you want to like do it I got to take a shower I want to be they want to be in a house man thank you swimming in the lake or sleeping up in that fucking the roof of the VW right now camper yeah there are some things I'm fascinated by those things because I'm thinking about putting together pocalypse vehicle like a like a Toyota Landcruiser that has one of those tents on the roof you ever seen those things they have these tents they they pack down to just a few inches they're like you know six or seven inches high like not even maybe maybe six inches high and they you unzip them and then unfold them and they come with a ladder so there's a platform on the top and the platform folds over and doubles out and extends out to the side of the truck and then you climb up the ladder into these tents I would tell you that if you're if the apocalypse happens and you're in LA your vehicle is useless other than to hide behind when people shoot at you because you know you can't get out of this fucking place yeah even when it's working yeah you gotta get that's what that's why I did the helicopter thing that's a smart move man that's another thing you do like you're involved with so many different things I I loved that you do that because it reminds me of me in a lot of way and that's one of the reasons why I think I probably have a dd2 I have to be doing a bunch of different shit if I'm not enough I kind of get crazy but I haven't gotten to the point where I'm baking pies yet I got to do that well you know what the holidays were awesome when I was growing up so I moved so far away from everybody I know that uh you know I just got all the recipes so I was like I want to know how to make this I want to know how to pass it on it's not hard the filling isn't hard the thing is is the crust you got to get that down and just you know you make 2/3 of them you know it doesn't take that long to it I'm not a bright guy I fight I'm sinking hmm I've done some smoking I smoked the ham I've smoked two hams I brine them did you do it on the the egg I did one of them no both of them I've done it Electric smokers but one of them I did on this this I think it's a Weber forget it forget who makes it web but the the last one that I did I just the Boston accent I just I have to do it that well the last one I did I got a pellet grill have you ever used a pellet grill no that's the easiest way to spunk what it is is that they use pellets and the pellets are like say if you were making this desk when you saw the wood they take the sawdust and they compress it and the natural sugars and the wood there's no additives you know they get those charcoal briquettes and they light real easy it's because there can soaked with chemicals and they smell funny that's a flavor burger but those uh sawdust pellets when they compress the sawdust and it looks like little little cylinders and they sit in a hopper and then the hopper feeds down at this worm drive and the worm drive puts it into an element and the element heats it up and it turns into fire and then it's so it's burning wood it's just burning wood and it keeps it to the exact temperature just varies one or two degrees up or down so you know like if you're using the ground egg how it is just the openings the baffles yeah but how is the but the green egg holds its template here yeah amend ously it does but if now how's the taste delicious it tastes awesome because it's just wood this is a music is it comparable to some because we've you said that you can do it in everything but an actual smoker yeah no I've done it I've done it I have a Camaro which is real similar to the Green Egg alright and I never smoked a ham in there but I've smoked chicken in there which is nice tastes great you know just slow cook a chicken like it you know 200 200 degrees 250 and just you know have some wood burn and a little charcoal as well but I just realize this only interesting to us like we're fucking disappearing down this rabbit hole no I I'm interested in things that people are interested in like right here you talk about helicopter being a helicopter pilot I've never wanted a fucking fly a helicopter until I hear you talking about it I'm like oh that sounds badass I never wanted to make a fucking pie crust until I hear someone like you who's into it and then I get into it I mean that's how I am with things I think comics I like that though yeah you have to be kind of general I think the best comic you got to be if you have to have a general interest in shit they you can't be like I'm into this this and this and then that's fucking it then your acts gonna look like that you're gonna have like two three yeah fucking subjects you're gonna dry up like I can't come up with a new hour it's like is you're not you're not you're not challenging yourself you gotta go out and try something new we try something new you're gonna fuck it up you're gonna feel stupid yeah and then you're gonna get a story you're gonna get something out of it so yeah my I Drive my wife a little nuts with the that I'm trying to learn how to fucking relax a little more but I can't like dude she watches that Bravo TV man oh my god that's like housewives Kardashians Oh whole fucking thing dude wife smart why does she watch that I literally say that or no but she want but like this is this is my wife either watches this sickest shit ever on TV like who's that scientist guy the after african-american guy Neil deGrasse my god yeah dude that guy is like terrifying he's so fucking smart just listening to shit that he's yeah I was watching the other day now and I believe we all came from the trees that's crazy he was saying like if people were saying we came from the oceans of blah blah he had this whole theory that you know the the whatever the fucking trees grew first and we came out of that we're all Pike dude and they're doing all the special effects and then he fucking zooms in on you it's like I feel like yeah like I ate a pot cookie too big a pot cookie when I watch that guy but she'll either watch that type of stuff for like Fargo like really good TV or sure she just won't just wants to veg out so how I make my peace with it I'm like this is just as dumb is me watching every Bruins game or every Patriots game that's good be getting like emotionally like like like hating Rex Ryan on some level he's the coach of the Buffalo Bills I don't know the guy I'm sure if I hung out with them he'd be a fuckin great guy we'd be laughing our balls off but it's because he coaches this fucking team that plays my team that I get nothing from other than you know fucking having a heart attack every game I get says it's really you think why do I give a shit to this level I do love sports so I just think it's fucking badass no I listen your podcast you fucking love sports you go off sometimes I can't let have to fast-forward see when you're done talking about the Patriots I know times that'll be 15 minutes but I get it because I you know I've obviously obsessed with MMA so I get it I just don't follow regular I still have enough time I just know that if I got into sports like if I got into football and I had a buddy man who tried to get me into football we watched an awesome Super Bowl game one smells like wow I was amazing the time another time now all the games and pay attention all the shit that's what I always ask people when they go I'm not in this sport I'm like Jesus I go what do you do with all your free time because the amount of time that I spend you know just looking at the standings seeing who's doing what and then it makes me think back when I was a kid I gotta look up this player and then I got to see like all time I'm big on numbers and shit guys I love that about the internet that you can look up like the all-time leading passer ushers are quarterbacks or something and then they'll have highlighted the guys who is still playing and you suck all those guys like a hundred yards away from passing this guy let me watch the game and see if they'll bring it up but he just passed fucking swing in Sammy Baugh have you ever shot about doing commentary would you do commentary if like they I mean you know a lot about football I would do it on my own I would do it on my own book because the thing about it is is you know once you like that's it's a it's a corporation as much as you're enjoying the sport like the NBA NFL NHL is a corporation and then you no matter how you slice it you're in you're in the cubicle and I can't be I can't be saying certain things I have the same problem with UFC but I've been around for so long I kind of get away with it in some sort of a weird way but probably not forever it's probably been you're great at it though but you don't say anything crazy not during the show not during the fights but sometimes outside the fights I'll talk about fighters or fights or things and I'll say something ridiculous because you know especially like Tony Tony inch cliff and I got in trouble recently because we were talking about this woman Chris cyborg do you know Chris cyborg is no Gracie a great name very masculine very muscular female fighter excellent fighter but she's been caught using performance-enhancing drugs she got caught using male hormones and Dana White was talking about roasting fighters on my podcast he wanted to set up a roast and I said look Tony Hinchcliffe the guy he's awesome at roast I go I don't I'm not good at it it's not my thing but he's great at it I go you should you should roast cyborg that would be the first one and he goes I don't know where to start I go her dick like that's what you would start and then Tony went into this whole thing about and then she got mad and she's upset at us now she says we're bullying and it's a problem know them and the people and stuff that's another thing too it's like you know one of the fun things in the podcast is I don't know any of these get exactly I don't get paid by these guys fliers your Conor McGregor Rhett he earned coming out I know he fucking dropped his hands a little bit but I just felt like you know he was doing all right for a guy that had this short thing I was not shitting on Conor McGregor guys obviously a great fighter but he's funny though it's funny I said the Burger King looking guy came out and attacked Barney Rubble yeah something funny about that like uninformed yeah sort of think so my Joey Diaz this whole thing yeah he always gets the names wrong yeah yeah so I got into this business to not have a job I don't want to have and I've done it I said one gig or actually wrote for a fucking like like a comedian that was gonna go out and do the monologue fucking thing oh really and it was just fucking it was weird it would just be like okay the monologues a little weak here we need more jokes about corn hey Bill go in the room and write give me ten jokes about like whatever about fucking longoza five six years ago who are you writing for do you remember but I just got into this da was writing for something very funny I did it like two years in Rouen it just became like like a job what am I doing here and I have like a tremendous amount of respect for writers now that they can I mean that is like I remember a long time ago when mr. show was on the first time seeing Bob Odenkirk on stage and it was like towards the end of like the fifth season or whatever they did and he was coming and just fried from the writers room and he was riffing about how because you know what I'd do during the day he goes I'm I mind comedy I strip mine you just feel like he was just like just sitting there like you know those fucking shows do when you start getting like 70 episodes and you like fuck now what do we do and you're just sitting around I'm trying to think of something don't you feel like that would stand up sometimes like because you would you put out a new hour every year and a half or so every two years or so maybe a little bit more like I do it in a nice like relaxed clip like what Louis does is astounding to me that you could you could just go back when you know Richard Pryor but you probably did that for a number of years like he put out like an hour like four hours out in six years Ireland did it every year of his life every year of his life he put out a new hour yeah I mean it was yeah that's astounding and louie's the crazies because he did it while he's producing a show writing acting directing yeah and on a high quality when the funny shows on fuck and editing it he was editing it you know he was involved every step of the way no I I would have a gun in my mouth III could never sit in a fuckin editing room yeah I can't do it so with the show you know that I have coming out like I actually was in the writers room most probably 90% of the time I just sat there pitching jokes and all that type of stuff and like the work ethic of those guys like we'd start getting up to five o'clock and we get to the last page of the script and I'd be at I thank Christ and every guy all right let's go let's just read through it one more time to see what we did see how it flows and I would literally be like oh my god how do these guys do this and then I would fucking come in the next day and then the got the co-creator of the show Mike Price from The Simpsons was just an absolute force and he's a sweetheart of a guy would come in and be like yeah you know I was looking at the script last night and I kind of switched a few things around it's just like I was like how do you do that like I come home and I just fucking pour a scotch and I stare at the floor and watch a little ESPN and I fall asleep and then we're right back at it again and like it really takes a certain type like you know you know like this guy's a comedian or you know this guy's an athlete like I like to the top level writers and showrunners like I'm Mike yeah Mike price like they literally it's like you look at the guys like you had the you're born to do this shit so it's a lot harder than people think it is it's a lot more work a lot more concentration a lot more F and like you said the hours the hours the crazy thing those guys work insane hours when when you get it done and it doesn't work and you got to start pulling it apart it's just like and everybody's feeling it everybody's like on edge I got a half fuck here we go all right when you were done what were you were done filming you came to the store and you were hanging out in the back and we were talking about it and you were like I feel like you know I love doing it it's gonna be hilarious but fuck I could have been working on and you know I could have had ten new minutes over the time that I'm doing this yeah oh I don't know that wasn't that was a different thing that was a different project it was yeah no it wasn't the it wasn't a cartoon no it wasn't the animated thing now the animated thing was was definitely like from start to finish I mean it took us a long time there was definitely tedious points of it but it was fucking awesome too when we were in the writers room as difficult as it was was we laughed our asses off like every fucking hour because it was it was perfect Netflix was just like like their network notes were push it further really oh dude it was a dream it was all the shit we used to talk about I every mention name is show they name it shows f is for family it's a new cartoon coming up December 18th on Netflix and the trailer it looks awesome let's play the trailer can we play the trailer can we they're not gonna be second oh it's Netflix isn't gonna pause well is that kind of work as far as that don't they need the visual too well the people watch on YouTube will get the visual which is a lot of people but the people that are watching or listening to it only listening they will be inspired to go watch the video all right okay now they know the one draft you won't want to dodge I was watching that now you weren't and now you're not hold down the fort while I'm gone you're just gonna leave me along with these animals you leave them with me but that's our deal you know what you were getting into when you let me get into you kids don't bother your mom today she's busy with their little hobby it's a job yes fine job I'll make dinner Salisbury steak or a pork medley not that shit again yummy hey grab me a cold one out of the cooler you're up little man hold the wheel yes I wish I had me for a dead I'll be right back stay here do not move your ass in this spot you understand me Einstein hmm remember the tests you took are you an abusive parent you know what these fucking hippies I said running around naked soil in each other you're gonna tell me how to be a good parent Jesus Christ watch put some goddamn clothes on Frank focus [Music] no son of mine is gonna flunk out hate school I hate my life but I keep on doing it there's no girl astronauts or vampires women there could be astronauts in the future sweetie so why do you lie to the girl you two know each other he was my special after-school helper remember how we clean the kitchen yeah you fuck the shit out of me charger your sister today you got that yep okay anything bad happens to her I will come right home and I will put you through that fucking wall have a great day princess it's weird seeing a guy like a character with your voice it's like it's you but supposed to be dad no it's an amalgam of like everybody's dad's in the in the writers room I mean certain things certain like catchphrases like I'll put you through that fucking wall my dad used to say that man my mom used to say I'll break your fucking legs yeah push through the fucking wall yeah it was back then were you like just how much shit has changed I remember one time my mother was driving and my two little brothers were just acting up and she goes and she just had had it she goes I swear to God if you guys don't shut up I'm gonna pull over and I'm spanking your bare ass is right on the side of the road and they kept testing dude she fucking pulled over and she did it and people were driving by just blowing the horns laughing I thought it was funny they just like they were immediately like wow those kids really irritated their mom it wasn't like you know there wasn't cell phones away give them to the state and shit so yeah it takes place in like 1973 and now let me read some of the names and so Laura Dern's plays my wife Dave Koechner's in it Justin Long Kevin Farley Joe Buck Phil Henry Haley Reinhart mo Collins Sam Rockwell Gary Cole did I say him we got all we got a whole bunch of people that came on to do it so what's cool is it serialized so like one Episode leads into the next one which I was against and Netflix is like now I'm trust us trust us and then the second we started writing towards an overall arc just took it to a whole nother level and I was there's not a brilliant idea by Netflix they just been awesome to work with and they're fuckin killing it they are just killing it they're killing it with comedy specials they're killing it with series this is like it it's amazing what they've been able to do well I think that they where everybody kind of got caught flat-footed they saw they saw like what it could be it'd be like Damon like night myspace first came out like he saw the potential before everybody else I feel like he just he just got it I think he was D was actually doing shit on other sites before there was even MySpace and what I heard so like I feel like Netflix in a lot of ways like those people that get like I'd say Jimmy Fallon Jimmy Fallon gets what's going online and that's why all that stuff he has his guests do and all that shit because he knows it's gonna go viral yeah so he gets him on TV and if he doesn't get him on TV then it goes on the internet and they all of his clips get like fucking like you know 10 zillion hits but like there's certain people is early on as is where you know you know the TV and the computer are all just gonna become the same fuckin thing yeah it's inevitable now yeah but so it's the people that kind of like get it I guess I was the only way I can put it they just they can see where it's where the hurt is going they took chances a long time ago - I did a Netflix special in 2005 that was the the like that was one of the first ones they did I would think so like I didn't even hear like that's back when they used to deliver the movies to you right yeah yeah yeah you would get them in the mail or something like that yeah hilarious they they're they're doing so much shit now they have that Marco Polo thing that's about the the Mongols you ever watched that series I didn't see that fucking expensive I don't know how much they spend on it but it's a period piece and it's all they do these elaborate sets and incredible fucking acting it's the David they've done so much n the beautiful thing about Netflix is when the series comes out you can binge watch right away so December 8th when this come 1818 teeth December 18th when this comes out you can watch the whole fuckin Siri right and they timed it because they think young kids are gonna like it they're like well well let's wait till erotic College enter the home a few days their parents are dry nuts they just want to go to the wrong they're really smart and then I think the first one I did with them was my first special and I remember it aired on like Comedy Central and did okay and then you know it gets thrown in today a mountain of specials you never know when they're gonna show it again yeah we're Netflix it was like on Netflix so if you saw it you could tell your friend at work and then it was just like you know I just saw them I was like wow these guys it's like almost like they've they've taken the best shit from YouTube and put it all in one place you know what I mean and but you can actually watch it cuz they take down so many movies and shit and comedy specials from YouTube and what was great was that was right then when I was starting to go to Europe and they were just starting to go to Europe so I was like half a step ahead as far as my where initially where I was where I would do stand-up it always felt like right after I left the next time I came they would be there and then like two years later it flipped where I would be getting there right after they got there and then that's when my ticket sales really started going up when I was when I went overseas was because that's like this this show you know when we were finishing them they were dubbing them into like a zillion different languages like there's a clip of it all in Russian already not so did you see a big bump when you did your Netflix special a big bump in like ticket sales yeah I definitely did and the thing about it is is in but like most things it's like you just don't get on Netflix and then that automatically means that's going to happen it's it's the combination if it's like if you deliver an hour that's going to connect with people that watch Netflix it's gonna be on there and then it's gonna start moving up and get to that front page and then yeah when that happens that's when you know you definitely see like a bump and then if you just you know keep coming out with good hours hopefully you can hang on to yeah that's a segura said mmm cigars said it had a huge impact city as soon as he put his first special on just boom everything just took off doubled tripled now he's doing theaters like it just made a big impact for him and then a you're plus later he just recorded a second one so he's getting ready to release that now yeah but the thing is though Tom's also a he's a monster common so there's a lot of people you know back in the day like the myspace thing hate to keep going back to that but it was like well I'll get on MySpace and then I'll sell out fucking the forum and it's just like well you're not that person yeah you know what I mean you don't have like like whatever that yeah you have to have everything you have to have a whole bunch of shit going on at the same time but also you like toms got a great work ethic which you do - you know you he's always working on new shit and you are - you know that's I think that's one of the most important things for a comedian is to constantly be working on stuff we all know like especially where we came from guys would develop an act and they had that fucking act locked down for decades no and if you're doing that then which when you go home you're like your hobbies get more attention or if you don't even have a fucking hobby at that point if you basically have your life down like I live here and I drive here and this is the jokes I tell and then I come home you're just waiting to die yeah I think and I think it fucks with your brain mm-hmm I think your brain gets just turns to mush so do you is this something you read about or is this just like your instincts now this is all figuring out your own mind yeah how it work because I feel like when you get into this business like you have to as much as people can give you advice you have to figure out how you create what works for you because I used to get into brutal writer's block and I didn't know how to get myself out of it and what I do now is I know these tricks that I use that fuck with my brain and open it up rather than close it down and basically what it is is like I I just don't have anything new to say I'm just gonna improv on all my existing material and I'm going to try to expand it as much as I can so then this old fucking thing that was weighing me down becomes you know it's like you crack the window because a little fresh air comes in there and it's it's really you know how your mind works is really you know the vibe my dude a few if I was in in here and it didn't have all these fucking antlers lava lamps and the mummies in check there's a vibe in this room yeah but if you just had overhead fucking lighting and we were sitting at some horrible table you get its staples and it was just a tool but it would affect the vibe yeah yeah no I agree if we never addressed it maybe we could riff on how fucking sterile it was but so like like mentally you do the same thing rather than sitting there at that fucking you know when I'm a writer's block that's what I feel like I feel like I'm sitting in like that overhead lighting and it's just it's horrible so you just do go on stage with with like a half idea and dig yourself a hole where you have to kind of figure out how to get out of it I do that yeah yeah all the time a lot of guys do that right yeah I got this new thing on McDonald's of all things that I'm talking about just how they've I'm trying to combine it with like the bloggers how they bully people and if you apologize they see the weakness and then you become the person they're always going after I feel like McDonald's did that when they started making salads like they they admitted they meted this wrongdoing and now look another servant breakfast all day that was the best move they ever did I had a bit about that years ago like why don't you fucking keep making that McGriddle it's the greatest thing on earth and you stop having it at 10 a.m. like it's so true that McGriddle is I don't I try not to eat those dude is that like with the pancake with soaked in syrup is that way but like the bun is a pancake that is one of the worst taste because it's fucking like 20 grams of sugar it's so bad for you know everybody's got their thing I like I like the the double cheeseburgers yeah I can't eat McDonald's matter it's not a Burger King guy I can't eat dumb either if I eat at those places I have to eat something chicken or fish I just know that that burger is just who knows what the fuck is it yeah yeah I know but why would you start serving salads and if you got many more a salad bar everybody a stupid place with the playroom next to it because you're stuck if you're stuck somewhere and there's n't the only one thing to eat like if you're on a truck stop on the highway and it's just a McDonald's try to get something with some kind of vitamins in it dude you know what they're like they like you know when like a filthy comic decides he's gonna work clean that's what they're doing all right McDonald's ass you work blue there's no cast when you see a filthy comic trying out for The Tonight Show their fucking act is empty it's like an empty box no you can do it though you can do it but it's not look if you choose not you look if you're just being dirty because it's punching up your jokes that's one thing alright but if it's really how you are I mean how I talk on stage is how I talk that's how I talk so for me to go up there and actually to work clean and do all of that is is me being a character yeah so that's why I just went like I think you know George Carlin you could consider that guy blue a prior those guys were fucking brilliant as Bill Cosby you know Bill Cosby himself is thick to me he's like arguably the greatest special of all fucking time yeah you know I mean to shame what he did after the specials or before or before that's during yeah I mean I guess he's just always doing that yeah I have no idea do you think this is something I think you and I are the last two that he never I feel I feel left out but do you think that you know are we talking about your mom you know could pull you over and spank you on the highway like someone could do that like my mom could say that like I didn't even realize what my mom was saying was fucked up until her brother goes Jesus Christ what the fuck you saying she was yell at me well I'm gonna break both your fucking legs and my uncle was like Jesus don't talk to the fuck like that and then I was like yeah that is kind of fucked up but I didn't think anything of it cuz I was seven or Mille it's normal do you think that back in Cosby's day like back in the 60s do you think that that was a regular thing that people just would roofie chicks or they would give him quaaludes or they would give him a Mickey they used to call it drop it a Mickey do you think that that was like a more normal thing um I have no idea I have no idea no idea but I do know back then there was all that what were you wearing well what did you think was going to happen I mean it was really it was yeah dude it was I mean all of that that frat boys shit all of that reputation was earned just some of this dude I I've talked to guys like 10 years older than me and they tell me like half the shit that they you know not have to ship a sizeable chunk of some of their stories with the hazing and shit they did with chicks who'd be like dude you guys would all be in fucking jail for a long time yeah like the 70s those guys that came of age in the 70s yeah I remember how god I'm not coming I got named name that no one hon I i'm ryan in the car it was me and another comic and this other comic who was older and we were driving killing time we started telling pussy stories dude and this guy's stories every fucking other story mean the other comical look at each other like dude what the fuck I'm one of his stories ended with yeah there were a lot of knows that night I just like dude we literally changed the subject Jesus Christ yeah and he was sitting there laughing because like to him it there wasn't that was what was done so you know I I don't any anybody that says from back then that that was done to them after just listening to that guy talking about the 70s I'm like Jesus Christ the 60s were like so I believe you know all of them yeah I think I think that's what I think the behavior that people had if you've watched like those old movies where men would smack women all the time I mean it was a it was all the time someone say something backhand him shut up dude there was no pedophiles back then they will consider dirty old men say he's a dirty old man that guy's a drunk he's a bum it was very just sort of broadly defined yeah there wasn't even like a Catholic pedophile scandal back then was there my man that's what was going on we knew about it right we knew through a certain priest how to say this is so beyond any of anything that I even investigate I have no fucking idea I just in general I here did the thing that we're basically hairless apes that can drive a car I mean I really just think that that's what we that's how we've like when I watch when they first discovered that chimpanzees like eight other monkeys and that when they fucking killed a monkey they got off on it and they almost like walking around talking shit about what they did and just like I saw this thing where they talked to this one chimpanzee how to do sign language and within like a fucking month his ego went through the roof he thinks started sexually assaulting other fucking yeah I feel like it got its own show he's unreal just walking around like some spoiled star and when I just see the behavior of those fucking things and this is I saw one this chimpanzee caught this other smaller monkey right and it's standing on the fucking thing he's up in a tree and the thing can't move and rather than killing it it was just taking its index finger and thumb was just digging meat out of the things back and the thing was screaming and the fucking chimp was getting off on like torturing this thing to death and it really was like it was fucking depressing to watch I'm like that's that's what we'd like we're so much of that is in it like I really believe that I know I'm a pessimistic guy when it comes to that shit well I mean that's undeniable when it comes to chimps and we are a close relative to chimps but that when they found that video when they first started filming that I think that was a David Attenborough nature documentary I might be wrong but when they first filmed it that was the first time they realized that chimps even ate meat oh yeah and did anything no no they eat monkeys all the time it's like one of their favorite things to eat and they have these sophisticated ways of capturing did you see all that yeah the way they flush it out and everything and then they surround it and then they just get in dude and the way they sinned the end like they're all amped up when they killed the fucking thing like yeah like I know them they eat them like from the asshole first they eat their guts like they pull them apart like they're hold onto their body and they pull like there's a video of one like literally biting it through the hips and like pulling it pulling it apart still alive yeah that's screaming it's screaming it's got this little face a little face since little hands and screaming and this chimp is just eating it alive I mean that's that's our closest relative it's crazy but you know rather close it made me feel fucked up just visualizing that you watch it we could pull it up no there's a I saw the back one I had to shut it off it was on YouTube there's a bunch of them now they've they've caught quite a few videos of it now but what's more fucked up is fucking hate chimpanzees now but those other chimp I think they show able to live but I just fucking I don't want anywhere would be anywhere near one they're scary they're very scary we didn't you know we had this idea that they weren't scary because of BJ in the bear and all that Tarzan yeah all that stupid shit from television we we decided today were these peaceful banana eating you know we thought they'd eat bananas until like a decade ago we didn't even never hear why they're so strong why I saw this whole fucking thing is the way when they their brain fires a message to whatever the nerve endings or whatever when they they can't do obviously they can't sit down and like play a guitar like they don't have that type of thing it's just like when they they want their right arm to do things like all the muscles from the tip of their fingers all the way their shoulder all the way to their back or whatever I mean I think you're using those anyways like our stuff is more like precision their shit is just like fucking it's like a like a defensive blitz like everybody's fucking coming so I mean I don't know I just realized halfway through that it was beyond my fucking understanding of the human body but evidently like they just say like just giant like areas of muscle all just just enact at the same fucking time so have you ever seen one one looks like without their hair the jacked right oh my god pull up pull up a hairless chimp no but you know something but you look at him but they don't outweigh you so you feel like I your fuck or let's tits you know no biting no biting alright I ought to be able to come out of a dojo right with a brown belt in jujitsu and if you've looked at the fucking weight difference that ludas balls Jesus Christ look at the size of the sack on that guy dude that looks like Ivan putski the Polish power WWE oh my god dude look at those fucking hand I mean you know what now I don't I don't wonder yeah look at the size of the arms on the fucker yeah he's probably a hundred seven hundred eighty pounds pública as big as a man but they're the strength they have is just unbelievable I had a baby monkey on me hmm a baby chimp on me wants on Newsradio we had this episode that they they brought in a bunch of cameras for the scene he was a baby he was like 2 years old and this little guy was on top of me and he just started hitting me in the back and I was like whoa like what the fuck like it didn't make any sense was it testing you I just beat my ass there's a little tiny thing just decided to start beating my ass I mean he was little like I could pick him up but I could hold him like this but I knew like just from this two-year-old chimp that if he decided to just fucking go crazy on me I would have to fight for my life this little two-year-old oh yeah absolutely two-year-old person beat the fuck out of a two-year-old every two-year-old on earth doesn't stand a chance this was so slow yeah welp like a fucking squirrel ran up your arm and started eating your ear like how far that thing would get before you even just grab its tail yeah like you wouldn't even know what to do like everything snakes just lightning-quick how fucking like the fastest hands in boxing is nothing compared to reptilian speed yeah yeah they're fucking strong they don't have any fat either there's a theory because that's called the aquatic ape theory they think that people evolved around water and that's one of the reasons why you throw a baby in the water they close their mouths and they hold their breath immediately and they can actually kind of float and float up to the top people in lab coats just grabbing babies by like the back of their pants right but if you throw a chimp in the water they drown if you throw like a baby chimp in the water they just start breathing water they don't know what the fuck to do but babies instinctively hold their breath alright it is a human did you see that video of those chimps fucking with like that otter or some shit it smells overseas zoos where they just stick animals together that fight because they don't give a fuck I don't know why definitely there's no way with PETA and shit you could do that in this country with some sort of fucking the otter or China they'll put like a bear in with a lion yeah and then watch it as they eat some fucking yak because it makes a dick hard that was very stereotypical so this fucking otter or whatever the fuck it was sea lion I don't know what it was this think can't slapping the fucking thing like that thing was slapping your back and what ended up happening is they got ahold of one of them and they just fucking dragged it and the monkeys were flipping out and they couldn't save it dragged it into the fucking water and they drowned it the otter yeah whatever the fuck it was it was steel or something it was something like that dragged the chimp into the water and drown it bit it and fucking whoa dragged the fucking thing in there and the fucking monkeys were flipping out and I on such a sadistic level enjoyed that video like yeah you fuckers cuz I don't like bullies I just felt like they were bullying whatever the fuck was in the water this is gonna torture your your listeners because I can't remember what animal animal it was cuz like I said I was probably doing 20 different things at once and I watched them I don't know if he if he go on their monkey verse something eventually you ought to get to it was it a chimp or a monkey I know it wasn't a chimp it was smaller it was it was a baby baby one like I don't know okay it was small enough that this little brown thing could drag it in the world that's the best you're gonna get out of me I would be the worst witness in a bank robbery they had legs and they were yelling a lot pretty sure there were people yeah I think they got what they wanted cuz they left that helped you guys out there's a lot of those fucking videos out there too if you if you go you know bear versus or chimp versus or tiger vs. I watch them all the time i watch slap fights you know it's the funniest I've I it's what slap fights just people it always ends up in a real fight or somebody gets knocked out it's just I stand with my hands behind my back you go first and you just wind up and slap me in the face and then it's my turn who ever quits first so there's always that one guy who slaps with this meaty part here and catches you on the jaw yeah and then the person gets knocked out you know one of my favorite things is is the people when they scream worldstar like it this part they're so excited that they're finally part of it that they filmed another human being getting knocked out like the level they're like this fucking goes through the sardian are just blew out there how fucking high up and bitchy their voice goes and they scream it like 20 fucking times it's amazing that one site became the spot where you would go they have the most epic fucking knock it's just not like like they you know what it is what them is they had a standard like you couldn't just get knocked out you had like the base level is knocked the fuck out all the way up to like I guess you know is that guy dead I mean it's fucking insane there's some brutal ones yeah there are their own without a doubt like I have a certain like my thing is I like if two people are squaring off they go at it and one person gets knocked out and after then knocked out that's it that I can watch those but like you know when the person's on the ground and then they catch like another two three or they kick him when they're down there's a video of this one guy he was drunk and he was mouthing off to all these people and one guy stepped up to a knocked him out and after he knocked him out while he was laying on his back people came over they pulled his pants down people started kicking him in the face while he was unconscious and then he was like making these horrible moaning noises and guys would just run up and punch him in the face not just one like many many people did it and people died I don't know he could have easily died he could have easily died no that was that kid knocked out that kid the kids score I was getting bullied by other kid he knocked him out and he was like I don't know I don't know in the area where the kid hit the classic thing he's back of his head any window comon he died that happened with one guy that Kevin James worked with Kevin James worked as a bouncer in Long Island and one of the guys he worked with got in a fight with a drunk K Odom knocked him out the guy fell back hit his head on a curb dead and the guy wound up doing time you know I mean he was just stupid fuckin you know $10 an hour job as a bouncer and inmate maybe shouldn't hit the guy maybe shadow I don't know what happened I don't know what the circumstances was I can't picture Kevin James as a bouncer he's such a sweetheart of a guy he can fight I know he can fight he's a tough guy you don't you don't think that looking at him but Kevin James hits hard and I wasn't saying that I'm just saying such like a nice guy he's a nice guy but he's got a switch like if people pissed him off you know would want to be he's a fucking gorilla that guy he looks he's just sweet hard he does all this like physical comedy laughing and joking around but he's like can I open with him a long time ago yeah new 250 he's a great guy like certain people who come like like bouncers yeah they want they want to fight and they like a couple buddies of mine from high school and on a slow night they would just walk up to somebody and just say I you gotta go you gotta go and they would just escort him just cuz it was funny to them so they pretend to be a bouncer no no no no no they were bouncers but if it was a slow night they were just they would just walk they picked some nerdy guy just say listen you got to go you got and just watch the guy and then every once in a while they'd get somebody that would get upset and would start fighting and then they would beat the shit out of him I just would just be like ATS doesn't sound like a good time to me I saw a guy one time at Boston right he got into this fucking fight and they the fucking bouncers came in and grabbed him and I remember they just picked him up by his fucking neck two guys and just started running with him it was the worst secure because there was all these people that had to scamper to get out of the way and they're running with this guy like I swear to god the guy's head was like nine feet in the air and he was up there like on all right screaming all right is there running aghast and all the dancefloors party and they got to the fucking door where they were gonna go out and the door was a typical was only like eight feet high so I could shoulders and head were above it he did running like a 440 and just boom hold it in half and then they just threw him out into the street and I weren't even back then just going like that was so fucking overly excessive and if I was running this club I would be like dude do you realize that you almost just ran over 80 innocent people I mean at this point do it up 47 so like my idea of the way young people think is from fucking 25 years ago so like like my idea of what like what a bouncer is and to me they would just guys used to beat the shit out of people and you know in school and now just wanted to do it for a living you know yeah there's definitely not I think Kevin got the job though because his kung fu instructor Kevin used to be really into martial arts and his kung fu instructor worked there and he got him a job it was just like a thing that he needed I think he quit when all this was going on you know when I was 19 I worked as a not a bouncer but I guess like a security person at this place called great woods center for you know great Eddie Murphy on the rock tour did you really saw I saw Rodney Dangerfield right after back to school and he got bigger I was probably working there when you saw Rodney Dangerfield I was probably working backstage because that was when Rodney was wearing a bathrobe was it though they those when his hair was like yellow almost orange did he wait no I think he came on a tux Oh real I can't remember him I remember Eddie came out in the blue suit but going um I saw Bill Cosby there too Bill Cosby was there I saw I saw Kennison they're like right after his first special that was interesting because Kinnison did his HBO special HBO special was fucking giant right he was the biggest and he had to write a whole new hour and he didn't have a whole new hour and it was kind of obvious like you could see like oh there's a lot of filler and I remember thinking like wow this is interesting like I hadn't even thought about doing stand-up yeah because it's like 1986 but I remember seeing him I was going whoa like this guy doesn't even have that he doesn't have like the jokes like Carla beau would go on before him and there was a couple other guys too I think but and Carl had a pretty good act you know but Carl's act is his act was it might not have been as good as kinnison's was back in the day like you know during the HBO special Tom but it was tight like you can tell his punchlines were solid he knew we were he's going with it but with Kinnison you could tell that he was like kind of filling time you know was it it wasn't wasn't there anymore you know I because he had worked for probably 10 plus years on that one hour I never saw a guy like so adversely affected by famiiy because I was such a fan of his just watching like he kind of was every cliche and what kills me is one right when he died was he was getting sober and he was gonna like he was gonna turn it around I thought no he died with cocoanut system like I said I mean yeah kokkonen system when he died he's autopsy revealed that he had done coke he I I think Edie died the ironic thing he was killed by a drunk driver because he used to do that bit we're gonna drink we're gonna drive I'm gonna pull it off you know why cuz we do it every fuckin night yeah that was like one of his things like that was one of his filler bits you know after uh just the first shit was so good like the homosexual necrophiliacs and the fucking starving kids and uh oh there's a clip of him early on on YouTube where he doesn't have control of the yelling yet so it's really just like you know cause like he'd learned by the time of the HBO especially you know I bring it really down right yeah it's not to come and then just fuckin launch it and then go back to being quiet again there's a great one where you're watching him the clip you see it's before he quite has it figured out and he's just way more yelling than he needs to do but I get chills when I watch the video because I just like like this guy is like like knows he's on to something mm and he has like sunglasses on onstage he's got like driving gloves it's not this before the trench coat and all that I've seen that video he has a comb-over yeah yeah comb-over thank God he went to the Hat yeah yeah yeah and in the end he switched from the beret to like these rock and roll poisons style bandanas remember he had those crazy bandanas and they would get long and his hair was long and the whole thing got baby fat he just every indulgence he just I mean Jesus Christ I mean he's one of those guys that probably you know his autobiography be like 12 books yeah his biography is good called brother bill by his or his brother bill wrote it's called brother Sam my brother Sam oh I gotta read this really good cuz it talks about how he had a head injury like a bad head injury he was hit by a car when he was a little kid and it changed him totally it's one of the things that happens to people that have head injuries like sometimes they get crazy impulsive and they lose they lose like whatever personality they used to have saying yeah completely fucking insane yeah absolutely people but he got hit by a car got all fucked up and when he got out of it when he healed up he was just this fucking maniac just didn't give a shit he's like the devil entered him or something like that it was just a wild man just was had no impulse control just was going crazy and it's also when he was trying to be a preacher too so like it sort of fueled his preaching yeah man it's really good it's a really good book because his brother Bill is very honest in it and he even talks about Sam just Sam stop writing it was just partying all the time he wasn't coming up a new material and talked about our Sam before he made it was just this machine it's just like he was partying a lot but he was also working on his act and it was important to him and you know and then oh yeah the difference between his first and second letterman you can already see the fame thing coming yeah his first letterman is just fucking it's unbelievable it's unbelievable the Rodney Dangerfield one though when he was on the run at Dangerfield special that well yeah that was it that was it that was just dome you know the the owner of a Dangerfield Tony told me one night that you know how they used to just let Sam do whatever he wanted but it was just fucking crazy said one night he went onstage it's probably isn't funny now because of all the shit that's happened in the world but he was staying there with this trench coat for this late-night crowd right probably a half-full Dangerfield's you know and he's just sitting there when he had his hands in his pockets he just just came on stage right and he's gonna look at you people you guys just sitting there drinking you know you guys on a date you having a good time you just sitting there how do you guys know what I have under this coat how do you I do you not know that I don't have to 12 gauges under this fucking coat I could just bring him up and just fucking blow all your brains out and didn't let up he just kept going with that and going and going gradually people started getting up and he just kept you know that low evil fucking voice he would do he just kept doing like how do you know how do you know if you were just kind of fucking looking around and gradually and Tony was telling his own like hey he fucking walked like half the room because I was pissed because they were buying drinks or everything but you know anybody know that's how samurais but you know it ended up working out he ended up getting a good bit out of it or something buddy he like to me what I think is cool about that is the 80s just seemed like it was so much like like you know so many comics that were just because I needed a warm body we're actually getting like TV credits and to know that it just wasn't all fucking big hair and you know what's the deal with this and what's the deal with that that there was actually a fucking guy doing that taking crazy chances yeah well that's one of those things you just going up there you're sick of your fucking act you hating people or whatever you just feel like doing that but the I never had the nerve to start walking the crowd I never did that was like I'm supposed to do a job here you ever listen to the day the laughter died the dai sentai special loved him I love that it's a two-disc album like a two-disc CD of him bombing at Dangerfield's unannounced decided this film will record his commie CD after he did dice rules right there was the first one just called dice right first one just called dice the first one was about instead of that album the data laughter died is him going up to a crowd of tourists they have no idea he's going to be there there's not that many people in the crowd it sounds like there's probably like 50 people in the whole fucking room and he's just ad libbing to his ad libbing and doesn't give a fuck and I remember was one guy gets up and as he's leaving the guys leaving goes you're about as funny as a glass of milk that's what the guy said to him I just remember my favorite one was when he was talking about how not to get into a relationship remember that bit no how did it uh it was just I I can't listen to it yours versus being like you know you meet some chick you know you like her you take her out you whiner yeah diner and all this shit saying she's not gonna fuck you so you just keep taking her out until you're gonna fuck her so then as she finally lets you you meet her parents and all that you're banging away and as you're banging or you think enough fuck now I'm in a relationship with this girl she thinks I like her he goes this is how you get out of it he goes you keep tagging it and right before you come you go okay sweetheart get ready for the gook something like that here comes the gook I remember listening to that by myself and I literally fell off the couch it was so fucking gross and so it was just so like I can't even describe it was one of my one of my favorite fucking now I saw him at the the Worcester Centrum at the height of when he first right after that New Year's Eve special that had 88 89 88 so I'm like November 88 so it was just like you know everybody liked the end of 87 all right Happy New Year see everybody or maybe it was a memory was 89 it might have been 89 maybe it's thing I remember he had some special that came out towards the end of one of those years and I used was working in a warehouse unloading trucks and shit and we were all just like it just want those classic moments back then when there was only so many channels so we were just like I'd see you later nobody said I'm watching that dice shit but this we came back Monday everybody had saw it and and just I was just weird it was just it was telling everybody a new sod somehow everybody fucking saw it right and that he became the biggest thing ever and I'm I went and I saw him and there was an unknown Eddie Griffin opened really yeah I mean I was thinking like I think believe it or not I'm like a year older than him or he started really young Eddie Griffin yeah really yeah and he's not even 50 that guy's like 46 40 saying Google a man something like that but wow he opened up and people being rude and boo and I was doing the same thing with toys like I thought so I kind of deserve the Phillie thing but I thought it dice we backstage going yeah these guys really like us like it didn't dawn on me like hey maybe he's friends with Eddie and he respects his comedy which now I know that that was the case and I just remembered ice came out and it was just it was he came out and he did like 10 nursery rhymes that we had all heard so he would do the beginning and then everyone would yell out the punchline and then he got to a certain point you'd be like yeah that's good you did your homework well I too have also been working and then he just busted out like five new ones do it and it was just it was the sickest fucking thing our place was going crazy there was something some starlight Starbright something I just remember it ended my girlfriends twat the punch what is such a funny fucking word in the place dude I'm telling you like murdering yes murdering this place I never got a chance to see him live in his peak I only saw him live once I started working at the store and saw him there we went to see him live me and Norton and Bobby Kelly and Anthony from Opie and Anthony and read ban went to see him live at the Riviera like a few weeks a few years ago okay in the upstairs room in the big room upstairs it was fucking awesome it was we were in town for the UFC I wasn't working on Friday night and they were like Tice's in town let's go let's go so we went and got a steak like gentleman went to a nice restaurant had a great time had some wine clink glasses got on a limo went to the dice show Oh was fuckin legendary that's fuckin great it was so much fun but he still does like a little bit of nursery rhymes and stuff but he's he's got a bunch of new shit now but that the thing that was different about him than anybody else was that it didn't it didn't it was good that you knew the bits like you could sing them like a song like yeah you would yell them out like what's in the bowl bitch everybody would go crazy no he was giving you what you wanted yeah and then he was also still moving it forward so it was yeah and the new new ones we're every bit as good as the other ones and they were new and then you were trying to remember him so I member you go the warehouse tell he's got new ones he's got new ones isn't it crazy though because back then there was no YouTube there was it but you had like go see it and remember yeah yeah yeah go see it no and that was another thing too when there was so few chant even then there was still like 80 channels or whatever but like there was always those things like nobody said I'm watching that Dangerfield special right it was just all of a sudden Monday everybody came in and everybody you know do you see that guy move him where the food is everybody knew who fucking Kinnison was or everybody knew who dice was Eddie Murphy delirious I don't know and that came out oh yeah that came out and like everybody just fucking saw it everybody saw it it was it was a special came out back then it made you a star it was a different thing as today like an HBO special today you don't hear shit you you know they come out nobody hears anything about it oh yeah you've got TiVo's it she'll watch it like 30 later yeah you know I finally said I watch part of it and then I had to go well they're figuring it out now with HBO go you know they're making HBO on demand stuff like that they're figuring it out they're catching up the Netflix yeah but they are I found out all Kennison because a girl I worked with I was working at the Boston Athletic Club I was 19 and this girl I worked with she was fucking hilarious just big Boston girl she was like 511 she was hot but she was this fucking big brash girl and she goes oh my god this is fucking guy named Sam Kinison have you heard of him oh my god he was so fucking funny I go what he do she goes come here she goes out in the parking lot and she does the homosexual necrophiliac bit for me in the parking lot she's lying on her stomach oh my god you mean life keeps fucking me ass even after you did and I remember thinking like try like laughing at this girl who wasn't a comic she was a fucking fitness trainer right telling me about this guy and I had to go see him and then I I think I got it on VHS tape if I remember correctly right the first time I saw it his HBO special and I was like wow this was a game-changer yeah he was the first guy that made me think that maybe I could do comedy because before I would see like Seinfeld or I would see like you know someone who was like like just evening at The Improv type guy with the rolled-up sleeves and did you ever notice and I'm like that's not me I'm just I'm too fucked up my sense of humors too fucked up I've been too fucked up right then I saw Kenneth and I went oh that's comedy - Oh comedy doesn't just just has to be funny like maybe I could do it maybe I could do it he was like - all of those guys I like I like Seinfeld ice Kennison all the car leaves what's with Karlin ones I liked all of those guys like basically if you were funny no you know I totally I got into all of that shit but what made me think I could do comedy was actually those vh1 stand-up spotlights towards the end when guys were doing like their fifth one just scraping the bottom of the barrel and I remember the this guy I worked with we used to before we'd go out we'd drink beers in his room you know I go over to his house hey you know mrs. whatever we fucking go in his room and you know to save money what we go out and try to hit on chicks we'd fucking we drink like a six-pack or something so he was in the stand-up the way I was and we'd fucking watch it I still fucked up we would get legally drunk and then get in the car to go drive this was like the late eighties and nineties just what you did and we have breathalyzers back then yeah they just were stuff that came out somewhere like the late 80s or something like that something like that but I I had the total fucking classic you know Boston upbringing where it ended with the fucking DUI and all of that shit did you get a DUI yeah it's been a fucking couple hours in jail my dad came down and got me out does that fuck with you now if you try to get into Canada no because it doesn't officially show up on your record until you get the second one that's how it worked in the state I was in and then the second one then it says you got to but what it would fuck with is my pilot's license like if you get a DUI you're done oh really yeah are you done yeah so you can solve it now guys can I take this thing up yeah Landon plow into somebody's fucking house no you can't do it so you can get a pilot's license you can now even though you have a DUI yeah wait but I mean it's not officially on okay yeah so if you had the second one if I just got one I think once you're a licensed pilot if you just get one you just say just take it or it's gone yeah yeah that makes sense yeah that's a fucked up thing to do when you're drunk didn't like Patrick Swayze do that and he crashed his plane drunk and then fucking run then he do that like towards the end I'm pretty sure I mean if there's ever a time to leave a scene well I think he was I think it was when he had cancer I think like when he had cancer he just said what fuck it let's just let's just burn this baby down to the core I think he decided to just go out guns blazing they did he didn't quit smoking or he really went out like you know I can't I didn't see all the things he did but he wouldn't stop smoking he's like I don't give a shit yeah I think he just decided I was just burning out just ride that bitch right into the rocks just take that which is his right yeah I don't think you know that's how he wants to go well if you don't do that you die eventually anyway right you know why not end the game when you want to end it I don't know it's fucking hardcore fatal fucking diagnosis and just be like all right yeah guess we're drinking it's hard to imagine that you wouldn't just try to clean your life up try to soak some more life out start eating kale and doing yoga and going on a juice cleanse but the phone enos of it you'd fight like this isn't me I'm just doing now cuz well shit he likes smoking you like drinking you know Christopher Hitchens I mean he died the same way I mean I don't think he tried to clean himself up you know who that is I know the name a famous intellectual very famous atheist that English guy and little brutal brutally honest and articulate gentleman who wrote some great books he also had that especially he was if he ever had that fan of Vanity Fair article women aren't funny and then backed it up with the video explaining why the women that are funny are all butchy they're all like men because women don't need that sort of that that sort of skill in order to attract men all they have to do is be nice and we like them but men need that it's it's pretty interesting because it got a lot of people pissed off I remember that yeah remember that yeah yeah he's like one of the Four Horsemen of atheism he's like one of the more famous of the atheist with Dawkins and sam Harris he seems like that guy's like one of those guys like it's a feather in your cap if he goes to your party oh yeah for sure socialites I was always fascinated by that like you could make a living doing it socially there's just really great at parties so you just invite them and they what do you know anybody that's an artist that's involved in like the art scene where they have like art galleries and people go to galleries and you have to like become friendly and hobnob and these social circles with people that are I hate that shit I can't even tell you how much I hate museums if it's a car museum yeah or if it's got some tanks and shit and I'm gonna like a little kid if it's stuff like that I like it but I don't look at a bunch of old place you know worse you should go to the LA County Museum of Art LACMA I think it's gonna it's the fucking worst it is the fucking worst they have a box a plexiglass box an empty box on the ground and that's a piece of art it's roped off you can't go near it you can't touch it and I go what is that is that the art no that's the art yeah well what is it well it's supposed to represent space it's the artists representation of the spaces and capsules and you just sorta with your own imagination you decide what's in it you own a man imagination you create it because he's not going to yeah that's it's shit there's one one giant wall of videos and the videos it's like a guy throwing a basketball to another guy and then another one there's a guy who pulls a chair out of a way from a desk and sits down and then another one a guy plops down on a couch it's just nothing it's just people doing shit but it's all in like a bunch of different videos that are spliced together on a big wall like this is art this is art oh and those big fucking canvases well they didn't draw anything they just scribbled all over the place shit put paint on that chest and rolled around on it and it's just like yeah man it's like yeah I don't get any of that like what does that say to you what does it say it's like I know that looks like the shit I used to draw when I was 5 years old my mother would put it on a refrigerator you know I mean didn't know how to draw anything you just take every marker in a SIG's egg with it that's but yeah you know Bob Kirsch is guy who owns the Girish agency I went to a party at his house he's got a house and mouth what Aspen well you know Colorado with a rich ski town beautiful house I mean fucking staggering house and he had this piece on the wall and I literally said is this something his kid made like because it was framed no no this is a fruity floral moaning they go that's like 25,000 dollars ago you've got to be fucking kidding me this is just cost $25,000 or whatever it cost it was so stupid look and it was like a bunch of pieces of paper that were crumpled up and painted different colors and they were lewd on to a piece of paper it's it's it's bullshit total bullshit but why do people buy into it what is it because what makes that art and the difference between of a kid because a kid can't sit here and draw you how you sit right okay but those guys can and they choose not to that's that's that's what's in the brochure as to why that's the as far as like their philosophy right like they're bored man withdraw they don't want to fucking draw faces anymore yeah so they want to fucking do some abstract shit it's like I but you got to kind of keep the face there you want to drive let's draw Lee some funhouse mirror looking face that's fine but if you just want to take every color in your crayon box and just start scribbling around I mean more if you can get some asshole to pay 25 grand for that alright good for you good feel you know how does one guy like that get super famous like Jackson Pollock he's a perfect example that I didn't even watch the movie there's an interest and I love Edie I love Ed Harris but I didn't even see them I don't know anything about the guy I just don't give somebody takes a paintbrush and splatters yeah it's shit it's dog shit but they sell for like a million bucks like an original Pollock is worth a fuckload of as you know why I think when you have shit like that it makes people think that you're intelligent yeah like ugly your culture yeah the colors man it's like a it's like a warm kind of thing I don't get I don't get it but I do get it when people collect cars I go into Jay Leno's place have you been at Jay Leno's place huh I'll take you you want to go yes it's a crazy shit ever he has a leather he has 11 buildings what kind of pie does he like pumpkin the pumpkin smells wonderful he's got 11 buildings filled with cars the dad I totally get like if you're gonna spend your money on shit that I told he could like have his own traffic jam on the 405 he could have is I mean it's legitimately better than any car museum I've ever seen in my life I've been to the what's the big one off of the rough lebreton said the Petersen yeah I've been to the Petersen it's very nice nothing can't fuck with Jay Leno Jay Leno's got way more more space you know as a sick car Claire Ralph Lauren doesn't unbelievable it like they were doing a thing one time they were having this debate our cars art so the whole thing was they were taking Ralph Lauren's or I would fuck you say his name is it Lauren Lauren Lauren we he's probably fucking Italian they fucking we're trying to figure out how to get his cars into this museum it was one of those museums in New York and we get up to the second floor so half the documentary was about you know just the the physical endeavor the the physics involved of the crane they had to create to get these fucking cars and in this museum without damaging other pieces without ruining integrity of the structure and all that shit but in the process they were showing his fucking cars and did a brief interview on him on how he comes you know how he gets ideas for his clothing line off of like the lines of like these dude he had all like it was all like Ferraris Lamborghinis like oh wow look at that like whatever the fuck that is I mean it's just like it's an old Jaguar I think I don't know what is right what is it the whole website for it Ralph Lauren car clutch calm all right so flip through a couple yeah if you don't mind no please do whoa what the fuck is that yeah it's all I got that's a Bugatti 1938 and it's all like pristine that Bentley 1929 Bentley God way to get to his newer shit look at that mercy hold on back up that Mercedes look at that thing nineteen whoa look at that it's amazing nineteen thirty count count trow see oh that's the sound of the engine yeah oh you click on it you get the salary and this is why their tanks were better than ours look how pretty that are shit 1930s is like whoa look at that thing an alpha male from 31 that's fucking beautiful no and the whole thing is it's all mint condition too like if they have like you know those old leather straps that held down the hoods like there's not even like a piece of thread hanging out of it look at this fucking 55 Mercedes yeah those are worth of baby boomers pay like over a billion like a million dollars for those the Gullwing Leno's got one of those oh he's got everything I've watched almost every video on that Jay Leno's Garage it's amazing his fucking garage is amazing no cuz he's got the sickest cars and he knows about him and he brings people in that you know he had like Carroll Shelby in there and yeah Russell yeah he's got everything Jay Leno's got several cars that are worth more than a million dollars and he keeps him at the airport at the Burbank Airport because homeland security guards the airport and he's like if the alarm goes off they fucking move in with tanks like they don't fuck around that's amazing that Ferrari click on that Ferrari you just had right to the right of that right to the right look at that good look at that fuckin thing 1962 Jam is one of those I read this book one time called the limit the limit and it was about the first American Formula one racer that one that won the Formula One Championship and that they were just talking all this shit that they Ferrari would do like if you had like a for some reason like if you're gonna race in in the race they had to make a certain amount of the cars available to the public to popped up so what they did was they were required to make a hundred of this one car in classic Italian what they did was they they just started numbering him at like 63 and they only made like 37 of it and now the cars like super super rare they just acted like that they made a hundred them because they didn't come down and check it out they're like yeah this 67 is 83 there's number 100 over there All Right see you later no one ever said where's number one through fuckin 50 or what are they they started numbered like they dig knocked off like 40 some cars but the book the limit is unreal like just as far as the fatalities do these guys have become a flying by and like the crowd be standing on the side of the road behind a rope someone would get hit and they'd just go into the crowd just kill people oh look up that Count von crash or something like that they have his fatal accident on the fuck on YouTube he just goes into the crowd with his car Oh takes out a whole row of people he's still alive and he wreckage aids back out into the track gets t-boned and then I think ejected from the car I'm not sure but the American guy when he his first Ferrari here you go right to the crime right to the crown and he my god yeah what's the slow motion oh this is uh from The Spectator who died you oh my god that person died Jesus Christ well those cars they're so primitive in the way they could handle and the way they moved and broke like when you when you lost I think that's him flying out on the left that might be him getting thrown from the car dude they got another one they got all through they got some sick it was that him laying there oh fuck do this some sick ones there was like this one guy went to a spin and his fucking hood came off and went to the crowd like a Chinese star and just like decapitated a whole row of people like shit like that happened did you ever see Lamar the Stephen Queen Steve McQueen movie there he is you saw him laying in the road these are all the spectators and shit all the people that got killed yeah that's horrific look at that guy's limp arm hanging on the stretcher ya know it's so anyway so the American guy when he first gets the car the last driver had just died in it and there was a fucking hole drilled through the floor pan because the guy got decapitated and like bled out in the car so they just drilled a hole in the bottom of it and drained it out and you talk about primitive you'd think they'd at least weld that over because you wouldn't want the air to get in it for like that extra one hundredth of a second but they just that's how we got the car that's a fucking sick book dude they drained it through a hole in the floor well it was so much blood in there you know Jesus Christ books called the limit I gotta get it did you see Steve McQueen that movie Lamond have you seen that long long time ago I was like the eight o'clock movie good fuckin movie they don't even talk like the first 10 minutes of the movie it's amazing they go through all these things people do things they're just doing stuff setting things up nobody talks it's amazing it's like those old movies which is so different so differently what they could get away with like the attention span that people had yeah you know it was a little late that I saw a bullet recently too it's another one just like long scenes where no one's talking like this is hole chasing which Steve McQueen is running after this guy in the airport no one's talking okay just one thing after another thing and it's just it's kind of realistic it's just it feels different it feels different than what you're watching today I like that old shit although I'm trying to get into new shit I'm sick of being the guy that likes old shit because it's such a pain in the ass to keep it going so I got old drum kits I got an old truck I bought this old lighter medicine to some guy from Michigan this stuff the old stuff is there's something about it that you just can't recreate like new things are cool like a Tesla those are cool they're cool to drive they're cool it's new but that 1968 truck you have there's something about that too oh it's cool but we know what it is you know what sucks is when somebody fucking you know you just how much I have to slow down just to go around a turn I just feel like it's like that the suspension is so primitive on it like I feel like it's kind of it's gonna tip over so would you consider putting a modern suspension all right or would you want to keep it original I for the longest time on it because when I got it it was all original three on the tree drum brakes all the way around the original radiator the whole fucking thing so since then I put an aluminum radiator in because those old ones ran a little hot Titus showed me how to do the front he basically did the brakes but I did one side he was just telling me what to do so we did it yourself brilliant discs on the front yeah Titus is a fuckin nut with that shit oh yeah yeah I know he's born to do it man he's just he's fuckin great at but then so you change the brakes yeah and then but then what happened to was I needed leaded gas and it was so fuckin pain in the ass and somebody had put too much unleaded and I put a little unleaded in there and what ended up happening was the valves got a little gunked up and I ended up cooking the valve so I just said fuck it and we rebuilt the whole thing I say we I sent it to a guy he rebuilt the thing from the crankshaft all the way up to the carburetor and they came with the auto light to barrel I now have a Holley four-barrel on it which is cool because the barrels are actually smaller so when I'm just cruising around I get better gas mileage but if I step on it I get that extra that fool yeah yeah yeah get from a four-barrel yeah so it's I love I like fast and loud one of my favorite fucking shows i watch them all i watch all of those shows so many of those shows that trying to be fast and laughs yeah so it's just like I just wish that they would you know cuz you know it's a television they're like alright this is the formula we got to have this guy yeah we've got the Richard Rawlings guy and then we gotta have the you know it's just I wish they would just be themselves and like you know everybody builds different types of stuff but like you land on it like an artist they're looking at like they're just trying to make widget yeah yeah like well these widgets are selling if you make them orange and this size like I was devastated when that paint guy Casey left I was like fuck I see left yeah is he making fun of me now he left but he did he when they let him when they let him when they let him do his fucking thing he did a lace top one time that was the shit he did another one then they're making a lowrider like when they would let him rather be like painted green painted black you know like I really wish that he had done more they'd let him do more like two-tone shit and stuff it's funny because you you get upset at your wife watching Bravo over you watching this guy I would appreciate it if he didn't was a fucking artist some fucking whore walking around making a porno that's how dare you you know what if I had some place to go I'd walk out on this podcast right now I just I just turned my phone on cuz I want to show you this I bought this thing cuz I'm also a fan of old movies so I'm free Bogaerts one of my favorite favorites and I was watching this thing on what the Maltese Falcon he's got this thing this cool thing in the beginning when he goes to light the fucking cigarette yeah it's yeah I know what I thought was a match he stuck in there and I thought it struck it but it's actually it's a it's a metal wand with like a little bit of flint or something on the end of it it's called a Ronson touch tip lighter and I actually I bought one and found a guy in Michigan that rebuilds the whole things for you really yeah I got it this thing's foolish shit Jamie pull this shit up Ronson touch tip lighter yeah oh here goes yeah yeah alright now watch one watch just say Humphrey Bogart Maltese Falcon I guess lighting is oh that's it right there yeah watch this thing huh how fucking cool is that I just saw that like what is that thing I gotta get one do you use that to light cigars I have it more just as a showpiece everyone's wrong I get a real cigar smoker comes over I'll be that guy you want to see something cool and I'll actually break it out the real cigar guys though they want to use a lighter they want to use a match that's a wood match and then they want to light a piece of cedar yeah and then they light so none of the chemicals and at the end of it they get really crazy with it absolutely they do yeah I have a locker with my business manager and one of those noisy places yes I do I have had one for 10 years I've got the same Cuban cigars in there for 10 years any time you want to go let me know all right here we go the Huff anteroom here it is oh really yeah I'll definitely ghost go so here it is oh wow that is Ecch no does it put any flavor on the cigar no no not that I could tell but I'm not the greatest when it comes to that right like so I don't think if you find a real cigar smoker they think it's this shit they have all these different ones out there but I got some cigars here where they dried out there from that Michael Dowd guy who's from that that documentary the 7/5 they just we just left him here we didn't put him in a humidor you know that documentary is de pollo turned me on to it it's a crazy documentary about police corruption in like the 1980s in New York like during the crack epidemic and these guys are just fuckin out of control just completely out of control it's a crazy documentary but the one guy keeping all the money and shit just not just that just robbing people being involved in drug deals and just all just fucking insanity but one of the guys Michael Dowd just got out of jail a few years ago and they put together this documentary and you know now he's he does podcasts and shit and he came on you know it's fabulous when you go to jail for some serious shit when you get out there's like two jobs you can get it's either you can get into sales you can like sell cars they don't give a fuck or you get into entertainment there's a like or you go back to yeah but dude you could literally come out from a double-murder for some reason they let you out you could just go sign up for a fucking open mic and it's like no there's no background check because you're in show business it's true yeah I've never heard of anybody coming out of jail for murder and going into in the comedy of you well there's that there was that one guy who I don't know his fucking name he would I want to say he was on the fuck show was he on him being on Letterman they were talking about he got to a fight and he killed somebody he went to jail and then he got out and was oh shit Don King Don King the Don King killed two people eizember one-eyed I know he beat somebody to death yeah one of them I think he was acquitted for one of them I think they just they decided it was like self-defense and then the other one was a manslaughter charge he beat some guy to dent that oh the money like when he was a loan shark I think he stomped him to death I interviewed him I interviewed him for the UFC he was straight I don't even know if it ever got anywhere oh the UFC and it ever did anything whether cuz I never saw it but it was a crazy interview man he just doesn't answer questions like you go okay so what was it like you know bah bah bah he'll go only an American can a man of my fortitude and magnitude and come Lada come down from what we're dealing with today is equality between the races and the sexes and women today they're suppressing I'm a FEMINIST like he's like he's got this crazy thing he's covered with flags and he's dripping with diamonds I go I mean like covered with hair see Tyson's one-man show yes it's amazing how Gray's and keeps keeps calling Don King yeah piece of shit he sound like a comic talking about club owners that fucking piece of shit he fuck me on this gig you know you never forget either does he owe him a hundred million dollars is that what he owes him something like that who knows yeah who knows but I asked him like what's it with all the gold look was not gold like platinum white gold he's covered in diamonds just got like literally like hundreds of thousands of dollars in diamonds on them and he's like that's for the ladies the ladies love it they love diamonds diamonds girl's best friend he just got an anecdote in a you know a saying for every single thing he's just prepared and ready to go but you never get to the real guy you know you just get the show like that but you don't ever get to the real that's old-school yeah well he's as old-school as it gets he's as old school as a guy kills people yeah we did he's a loan shark there you go I want to talk to you about masks Square Garden you did Madison Square Garden what the fuck was that like I was amazing it was fucking awesome it's great uh I got my money's worth because we I rented a drum kit and some amps and me and my friends came in guys from the goddamn Comedy Jam we came in and Ben Bailey which was hilarious because I wanted mean Ben and Ben trying to get together to play for fucking ever and I finally came in New York you want to come and play he's Ben Bailey Ben Bailey Cash Cab Cash Cab now you don't watch the stand-up comedian no no New York guy while you never lived out here so what's Cash Cab Cash Cab was a TV show where like you'd think you were getting into a taxicab and then you got in and all of a sudden you weren't in like a game show oh really yeah and I asked him about I go did anybody ever get pissed cause they were going to the airport you'd laugh he go all the time but what the fuck at the time for they said that this is a real cab but he had to get like his real taxi like hack license and all that type of shits really interesting that the whole thing but anyway so we went in there at like fucking from like 2:30 to 4:00 in an empty Madison Square Garden like we just fucking played all this arena rock Motley Crue gonna film it film some of it sure what do you do with it oh it's just for me man it's just on YouTube what's a we can tell me I suck at my hobby because it's people who like you will think that's fun to watch a guy they'd like doing something that he always dreamed of I want to see it some pictures I want to see it so what is it like 14,000 people in there something like that but what was cool cuz I went in there and we played there that it wasn't intimidated I felt like I kind of got in there and I got the feel for the room alright and when I went up I could the the lights were in my eyes so I couldn't I couldn't really see anybody so it wasn't bad I was weird dude I was oddly not nervous and I went up and I had a great time I was like after we played I went back to I went back to showing him pictures right now that's awesome oh yeah that looks so cool so yeah I just went back to my apartment you know right after that you keep got Darwin in New York yup yeah do you how often me I bought a place back there a long time ago then you just leave it there well I had a tenant for awhile I was running out to DeRosa and then once he left it's like I don't want to deal with having somebody else like i got the thing paid off it makes me a local hire if I ever get acting work they don't have to put me up in a hotel although that's never fucking worked out for me I never get everything shot in like fucking New Orleans now yeah I'm trying to find this there is a there is a clip here somewhere we just had we just had the best time at it was fucking awesome I'll play it for you when it's off the year that sounds like a fun gig it sounds like it's one of those gigs it's like it's an iconic place to perform it's not just a regular place ya know it's it's definitely totally lived up to the hype but I went up there and I I did 90 minutes to I did all of my jokes and I said at one point that I wasn't gonna light it didn't feel like leaving but I did record it I'm gonna do something with the recording of it I don't know what yet like an audio recording or via just audio not the video thing I just know there's just little me on that giant stage you know the 200-foot curtain behind you just don't think it looks good they have screens up so people can see yeah yeah they had all that so it was it was it was fucking awesome and wire-to-wire I had the best time Durazo and virzi opened up for me DeRosa had this fucking old lady sweater that he had on and it was bugging me when I was backstage and then he was just up there and nobody heckled him for it so I just went onstage and the first thing there was a shit on what he was wearing so it's very like you know comedy club kind of vibe and the people were just they were just in it from from the second I got on there and I yeah I just woke up the next day there was no letdown there's nothing I was like that was fucking awesome I did every joke I wanted to do I can't believe I got to do that it was it was totally one of the most satisfying things I ever did and I you know and then you know the next time I did stand-up you know I was four I'm like fucking twenty people down at the Comedy Store but there wasn't like that oh no would over the dumb shit I was just like well there's never that right no I know I know what's what did fucking write some more shit that's the thing about comedy as opposed to I think music too is that we always have to be you always have to perform you got to keep keep banging at it you always have to keep coming at guys it's a like like you Chris Rock Louie you know it's a handful of guys that never stop doing the clubs I even think those guys that once they get their following where they just you know work out this shit in front of their own crowd I think that even then you know that makes it hurts you a little bit because if you go down to like the Comedy Store you know as much as somebody if they're a fan of comedy might know who you are there's gonna be a bunch of don't and there's gonna be people and so you know and the energy is gonna be different they don't feel like oh I paid to see Joe Rogan say oh cool he's here and then after they get over yeah the five minutes then it's like are it's a different you know it's it's more difficult as opposed to if you're just doing your show and your headliner tonight yeah I did Melbourne couple weeks ago and Melbourne is fucking great yeah it's awesome and I did the comics lounge on Friday night my theatre shows were on Saturday night but you know they have that comedy club in town and we called up let them know we're coming in and they gave us a spot me and Hinchcliffe and it was fucking great because nobody had any idea I was coming there they weren't you know necessarily fans of mine and I got just this fresh packed crowd and a legitimate response to your material yeah that's awesome I also feel like there's something about knowing that the people aren't there to see you it puts you in a different state of mind like you you're you're more like you tighten everything up you know you you you polish it up a little bit you make sure that your delivery is a little sharper because you want to make sure you let them know you know like that that you would get when you first started when when you'd open up you'd have to open up strong because these people are who is this fucking oh yeah you know how to open I'm strong and then once you got them you got to get a couple laughs then they get a little confidence in your hair this guy's pretty funny and then you could kind of carry it on so I kind of felt like that I kind of felt like coming out of the gate like I had to have some good shit right away you know yeah I think that's important I think that's important to do those random things you just show up at these places yeah it's soft if you don't yeah definitely get soft I know a lot of guys they don't they don't go to anywhere they just work out new material in the middle of their theater sets yeah I mean I don't know I'm on a roll I'll fucking throw something out there like anybody but like I you know the great thing coming up in the Boston scene was you got to see at a very high level what killing is and I just you know there's just a lot of guys I've run into like wherever they came up well I don't know what the headliners were doing there but Boston was like you know death yeah it was like it sounded like a like a fucking train was coming through the way yeah they would knock see Sweeney those guys when they would get on a fucking roll to this day people don't know they don't know it's hard to go when you watch their YouTube clips and you go I don't see it you had to be there in like 1989 you know you had to be there when the Thunder was happening like those guys were just on the top of their game did people get tired of me talked about on this pot dude you know it was fucked up there was almost like a height requirement to they were all like 6-2 6-3 all of those guys Lenny those guys are like at least 6 foot tall they were just do big fucking guys and they were men they were like yeah all right they would punch you they would do coke yeah those stories of uh Lenny punched somebody at one time because he stole his joke I got off stage he broke his fucking nose and then went up and closed out the show yeah Lenny was an animal he was one of the first guys the first that guy worked for where I opened for I opened for Warren MacDonald who was uh it was a guy we used if I can do the open mic night bill MacDonald know who is his name uh Michael Michael McDonald yeah yeah the same name as the same guy with the ponytail no I wasn't him George George McDonald yes George McDonald used to host the open mic night and his brother Warren took me on the road with him one night that was the first time I ever got paid the second time I ever got paid was opening for Lenny house that Jays in Pittsfield Massachusetts if you ever worked for normal fo would you ever do any of those games his field is that way out Lee yeah its north-northwest yeah kind of yeah not quite like Amherst way but like it was the fuckin Boondock but it was a great gig it was a great gig I fuckin love jack that gig was so full and I were doing lean mass Lee Massachusetts I think for Jeff up Jeff apotheca was that you just call up his best back they called up answering machines and the answering machine would just go like you've reached Jeff apotheca know you've reached master of ceremonies Jeff apotheca something like that and you like I got 10 clean minutes I can do 50 you know trying to get you a spot so he booked me in Lee Massachusetts I remember it was exit 2 off of the Mass Pike and I went out there and it was the biggest fucking hell gig I ever did it was this restaurant area and then next to it was a function where a bachelor party was going on and there was no door between their room and what I was doing comedy so I was standing on stage and these guys started gathering from the bachelor party and just seeing this fucking redheaded jerk-off the babyface bombing in front of three people eating chicken pot pie and I was looking over I was like I didn't get what was going on because I was so dumb I was just like hey guys you want to come into the shows plenty of seats I don't know why I gotta stand over there right and I fucking looked away and then I just heard boom I turned around and somebody throw this fucking dinner roll like 90 miles an hour at me and just missed me and I looked and they were all gone and then I was on the mic you know I snapped you know as you always do when you're like that I forget what the fuck I was saying a bunch of shit about him and then and they started gathering at the door and then I was finishing my set and I was like these guys are gonna beat the fuck out of me and I'm looking at the owner now the owner told me before I went onstage he goes he goes yeah well the bartender says yeah this is the owner you know he also does stand-up comedy and I was like really and he goes he can guy goes yeah he goes I got like two and a half hours or material I go yeah two and half hours he goes yeah after tonight I'll have about three so I thought he was fucking with me so as I'm standing on stage after they throw the fucking dinner roll and shit and they're gathered over there whatever I'm starting to go back into my act and I look out in the crowd and I finally noticed it and the owner is sitting there writing down what I'm saying on stage and so long story short I ended up leaving get offstage and I was just feeling them like to the side of me as I was getting paid by this guy they all I had to do was look at them and they were gonna beat the fuck out of me was one of those things where I had to literally just I so wanted to just just tell him to go fuck themselves but I mean I would have probably lost the one of them I'm not the best fighter but I was fucking enraged and I just remember getting into my fucking 83 Ford Ranger driving out of there yelling at them as they were like fuck you you fucking Oh high-pitched and just driving home screaming at through my windshield as I was driving home what the fuck kind of a fucking owner has a fucking bachelor party and you're right down my material had a total meltdown driving home and I had to be back up back at work the next day like 7:00 in the morning but what got me through it was I came home that night and I either called Dana Patrice rest his soul and I told the story and they would just laugh and which just me you know just brings you back down and then the guy you know I had this gig and this happened and bla bla bla bla bla but like that's probably the closest I ever came to getting into at least wanting to get into like forgetting that I didn't know how to fight you know I mean like you know I mean I mean like you know could do some bullshit but I mean there's no way I'm taking on fucking five fucking guys but I just remember them standing there I mean I still member the guy that threw the role I still remember the smile on his face who he was just like almost lustfully wanting me to fucking say something so he could just fucking beat the shit out of me like and that would have been one of those Boston beat downs where you somebody fucking bite your ear off or something like it was always that store do a kid I went to fucking high school bit of guy's ear off move he was biting his ear and the guy pulled his head I took that away I met another guy then another comic I knew had his fucking tip of his nose broke bit off oh fuck he got into a fight at some frat and he fucking hit this guy right in the nose and the guy's nose fucking exploding his frat brothers grabbed him they wrestled him the ground and this dude he fucking did it to God got on his chest and he goes paybacks a bitch and as they held him down he fucking bit the end of the guy's fucking nose oh my god and that kid was a rich kid so when they sued him and shit like they got like just enough money to reattach the fucking the guy's nose fuck yeah that's why that's why I those stories were always fresh in my fucking head it's why I stopped I mean I think like the last fight I had was at somebody's fucking point street hockey yourself but so it was probably like junior high but after that everybody hit a growth spurt and that's when like blood and missing teeth started coming into fights and I was just like you know I think I'm gonna stick with being funny I can I don't I don't have I I didn't have that despite my anger I didn't I didn't want that to happen to me and I didn't want to do it to somebody that I really didn't well if you saw enough of it is that that stale awful taste of violence that just sticks with you for like weeks after it happens it just shied away from ever being involved anything like that again I avoided all that shit when I was a kid yeah it definitely it changes you if you look if somebody's picking on you and you knock them out I think that's fucking great I think you'd feel good about yourself with this something about like you know you just say I have friends just their idea of a weekend was going out getting into fights you know dogging you want to go dog in this week dog and that's what they used to call they do this shit with everybody chained in the 80s so all of a sudden when shit was getting you know getting tense they'd all be taking their fucking chains off big Z cavariccis it was fucking insane initially and then they'd be like those 20/20 on 20 on 20 fights and some chick would always try to run in and she always get fucking blasted in the face and then everybody would fucking write it was brutal it was fucking but now I'm not not say this is all my friends this was just this was just the environment and I and I never noticed how fucked up it was until about seven years after leaving Boston and really spending long periods of time away from there that I finally came back and went into a bar and just felt the vibe that that somebody's gonna get suckered vibe just like you just could fit was weird you could just feel and I was just like wow like I live in New York and New York has like this fucking crazy thing about riding Subway's and shit and the Warriors and you think all of that type stuff but I don't feel that vibe in New York like I think I think the great thing about New York is that everybody the writing of the subway actually keeps it safer I think the fact that everybody's mixed in together yeah you know the fact that you're on foot there's no getaway car there's none of that she kind of had to you know be more civil you had to be a great word exactly to be more civil where that shit where you can just fucking go fucking nuts throw a bottle at somebody then jump in you iroc-z and fishtail down the street yeah I really the first time I took Ari to Boston I took him to to Fanueil Hall when they had the comedy connection up there which is about the most pedestrian place you could take them to and Postell filled with psychos oh yeah all the bars down there filled with psychos and like as we were leaving we were walking to the hotel we're seeing fucking street fights left and right they were waiting in line at McDonald's they just decided to get out of there they're like this is too dangerous we got to get out of here and then he goes you grew up here I'm like this is the spot this is this is what it's like they fight here they fight here it's Philly Phillies got a creepy vibe to see really late night getting a steak and cheese you start feeling like somebody's gonna catch one and it ain't gonna be me I'm getting a fuck I'm gonna get this to go what is it is it the cold weathers a fucking or the people that the ancestors of the people that came over on boats think they're all stuck I don't know there's a because to me New York Philly Boston they're all there's a through-line of sameness to those kinds of people and but I think the thing that struck me about New York was you know they always started they used to try to equate it to the sports teams that you know New York would win Ian's ships in Boston other than the Celtics didn't but now that even though you know that we fucking won like a zillion in each like it still hasn't gone away it is a there's a and I I what you were saying how you have to act more civil there there just is that thing in New York where it's just everybody is linked up and yeah and in tight quarters so there's a there's a level of common courtesy that you have to sort of abide by or you're not going to survive mmm you can't walk around being you know like those fucking guys late at night when you're going to get it that lets slice you know to absorb the alcohol so you can drive home which was so fuckin nuts back then like that you you you weren't gonna survive you're not gonna survive doing that there you're just not going to so people I feel like they behave more civilly but um sports people tried to make it about the Yankees and Red Sox and how it was so funny to me like they would say like they Boston has an inferiority complex it's like dude they don't even know New York exists you don't understand like the same way New Yorkers are all about New York Boston is all about Boston they know New York New York knows Boston but they don't know shit about each other unless you've been there and lived there you're not thinking about it you're thinking about your life you check your world you're not going like you know yeah I wish we won World Series like - yeah you don't even think about it until the playoff series happens so I think that that whole thing was just like a romantic version of it but I really just think of socially when you have a city like you know neo I mean look at la shit they have those have a fucking everybody's in cars you don't knocked anybody can pull a fucking shooting each other in the freeways there's that thing when you're in your car you just feel like ya outside of your car it's a movie mm-hm it's not really happening so your car won't start and it's like yeah this is really happening also I think the separation of the classes in New York is is different because everybody gets together on the subway rich people more people they're all together walking down the street together in LA there's none of that there's very few interactions between people from Beverly Hills and people from Compton or people from you know East LA there's none unless there's like a benefit yeah or some shit you know what I mean there's some political thing and somebody's down there that's yeah 100% true this is ultra here there's a great fucking documentary which of course I don't remember the name of it what's-his-face does the Forest Whitaker does the voiceover for it I believe it's Forest Whitaker and it's just about the history of the Crips and the Bloods but what's cool about is is it starts off in it like outlines the neighborhoods you know you always hear comedy you hear watts you hear all these but you don't really know where it is you know it's south or whatever but they would when they would say it they'd show a map and then they would outline the neighborhood but they just showed how like with like racism how they got where they got all african-americans to live and just all the stuff that built but it was a really interesting thing as far as like neighborhoods in LA because LA when you come out here I still have to being on it for eight years there's no Center to the city it's just like it's just this sprawling fucking thing that makes no sense you know like the original center of LA was supposed to be long beach which makes sense you'd want to have it on the water really like most major cities yeah like that's where it was supposed to be like that whatever that pier is out there that's like the second or third largest one in the world I think like just the amount of product that goes in and out during the course of the day so like the the major downtown area was gonna be there but it was just like LA very subtly is one of the most gangster towns that there is out there where it's just everything out here was just like the water everything is just some fucking seedy goddamn story and there's always like a fucking decomposed body in every fucking story no matter what happens they don't give a shit they just pave over it there's no plaques there's nothing like our Robert Kennedy got whacked here yeah you would think like what they did with Dealey Plaza which I actually think they went overboard they kept the entire fucking Plaza the exact same you walk they feel like in the zip route if it's weird but like they do the Ambassador Hotel that's where he got what they took it down yeah we used to film say they used to film shit in there took that out and now it's like condos or a school or something something I think somewhere there's a little plaque like oh by the way by the way Robert Kennedy got killed here we walked through the kitchen where he got shot we were hanging around there when we were filming there we're just trying to figure out where he got shot we're like I think it was like right here yeah they didn't have it roped off there was no memorial nobody gave a shit no yeah that that hotel was creepy that was it was wasn't being used for a long time it was just just for filming stuff there's a lot of those things like that you know the original LA Times building was but terrorist act it was blown up I forget why I was reading this thing about it but like there's no information that I can find on the Internet where the original one is there's no plaque downtown it's just it happen all right it's over clean it up bury him let's just fucking move on well I remember from remembers Sopranos episode where they were talking about how many actual shipping containers they a actually inspect like what a small percentage of shipping containers inspected I thought about that war film and fear factor in Long Beach too because we used to film there all the time and we used to be there and we just see these gigantic ships coming and these cargo ships filled with these containers who knew what the fuck was he not one of those things and they were all right they're just coming in big giant giant boat everything from bootleg shit drugs blood diamonds people to work in fucking rub-and-tug prostitutes yeah yeah weird little boxes hell he's a strange place strange when you watch those old movies about LA but it's also great I fucking love it out here it's amazing a great sea but I also loved New York but I kind of learned that because the first time I lived a tear I hated it but I just learned that I was not going to hate where I was gonna live like I was gonna give it a fair shot you know what I mean and it's you know the driving is obviously the worst part of it both the traffic and just how fucking awful the drivers are out here they're just so fucking they're maniacs on the highway and then when they get off it's like they took a pot cookie like making a right-hand turn how fucking long it takes or if somebody's cars just a little in their lane how they have to stop can't just fucking Drive around god forbid you fucking tires going to do there's nobody come and just go they won't go it's just fucking unreal they're terrible with the left lane that's a bad one like people get in the left lane they never move they're straight up terrible they're just terrible this it's unreal and then they get on the fucking highway and they will drive past you a hundred miles an hour pass you on the right and you're trying to get off that's why you sir pass on the left cuz people trying to get off you got to go like like the amount of times people flip me off it's like dude I'm trying to get off this fucking thing you're passing me on the right there's like no car I think because people who like commute on the highway it's such a motherfucker every day that if they see any bit of daylight they just pin it and trying to go as far as they can before they're gonna come to a dead stop again it's nice to deal with their frustration I don't know yeah this is just off there is Joe I think you could live in out in New York again or do you do you like living out here I could live in outside of the city yes once you get a house and you have to worry about where I'm gonna Park I don't think people never lived in a city understand how fucking great it is to just drive home pull into your driveway yeah right and just shut the fucking car off I'm going now I am I know I don't think I would live outside of the city I Love New York and like Westchester or something yeah whatever some Long Island someplace up there I don't know Long Island that's a hall yeah and there's just a lot of meatheads out there I just it's like you're either fucking yeah you're either like you're either like a freemason or you like the dumbest person ever that's my experience with Long Island and that's doing like the comedy clubs or like it's either like you're you got the money to live in the Hamptons and like you know Tom Hanks is at your brunch every other week or like a coward Stern or yeah you got these fucking yeah either got that kind of money or you just I don't know some you know I did a lot of Hell gigs out there so I probably shouldn't judge it that way I did a lot of Hell gigs long so now it was brutal jersey held gigs on Long Island held gigs I think we're worse than the ones that I did in New England because at least New England I was part of the same drink water so it what's the same meathead that we were running to when you went to fucking some gig in western mass or up and fucking God knows we're in New Hampshire or something aim main gaze largest all those those what all those m towns yeah Malden Medford all of those fucking Somerville summer at Somerville now is like nice yeah gentrified used to be called slum Orval when we used to do yeah there's like hipsters and cupcake shops and all that shit that's it seriously they're a handcrafted coffee but like yeah like Revere yeah all of those fucking places those gigs were brutal yeah Revere brutal spot that's one of the most brutal spots still I think I don't think that place has been gentrified Malden Medford and there was one other one I lived in Medford they all yeah all in the land I did gigs and Lin Lin was a riot I think Connecticut's the worst though who's Connecticut's depressing to me can it like Massachusetts was okay because that's where I was living it was no it felt normal to me like even it was a hell gig I was like at whatever it just sucks but there's something depressing about Connecticut where like Connecticut always feels like there's no hope like it doesn't feel like a real estate it feels like a highway between Boston and New York and then these people just live in on the highway and then they would come to gigs like to this day like I did one of the casinos a few years back we did uh you know weekend at the casino and I was like I don't ever want to fucking do this again this is horrible one of those one of those Indian casinos I was like this is this place is fucking depressing these people are like what you want to do next time you stay in New York and then you go to the west side you just chopper over to it chopper over to Connecticut yeah you chopper everywhere need to be just a straight line like if you went to New York would you rent a chopper and fly no no I wouldn't well I wouldn't because I'm not familiar with the airspace familiar with like the the Ray like the amount of work that I would have to do and then also you can get lost up there really easily you know what I mean and plus you're also like I mean do this three international airports this so that's all bravo airspace psycho fucking what are you doing here bestop so when you like when you transition like bravo airspace over by LAX like this like specific like rules of like hardcore like you have to say your whole tail number and the guy has to repeat your entire tail number and if he doesn't you got to repeat you got to say your hotel number just making sure you know number three - 3 CR Hotel you know clearly transition you know 500 feet Sepulveda whatever right but you know you go by regular fucking airports it's it's not that but the level of traffic that you talking about you're in the vicinity of something you could kill 300 people yes people on the fucking ground so it's not you yeah well I mean I look at it if I did it then fuck me you know me because I'm an idiot I'm the idiot who did it so it's it's so if I was to rent something there and the other thing too is you have no idea what's going on with that helicopter eater where I fly out of I fly the same place where I they taught me and those guys a great school and you know the 90% of the flying of those helicopters is basically done with an instructor in there so they're looking to make sure they don't over speed them a the main rotor they're not yanking that guts out of it basically it's because what happens is every like 2200 hours they those things are entirely taken apart and then rebuilt reason why they're so safe yeah I do then I just let you fucking fly over people sits in some shit box 2200 hours everyone yeah Wow so yeah the overhaul like is a zillion fucking dollars which is why if you ever look at a helicopter like why is this thing only 30 grand it's because it's it's due for an overall so and how much does an overhaul cost like hundreds of thousands at all I kind of wondered yeah it's like you almost got to buy the thing again Wow and so you have to do that every 2,200 miles 2200 hours 2200 hours 2200 hours so somebody is a thing so if something has 1500 hours on it but somebody's been flying it like a jerk-off just fucking yank and the guts out of the fucking thing is then what happens is is that 2200 hours where something could go wrong now becomes 2,000 hours or 1800 hours because the thing about metal like a weld failing or something like that is you can't see that until it basically happens so if somebody is is flying it like an asshole and they're not maintaining it you know like if you know you give somebody a fucking car and they change the oil keep it lubed up and all that and they're not redlining it that car is gonna last 10 years you give it to some fucking jerk-off and they just start it up and stand step on it it's a shit box within fucking a couple of years so that it's for me anyways like just the hours that are on it is just the first thing I need to know like I'd have to know the school I'd have to know who's been flying the fuck there's no fucking way I would I would I wouldn't I just want it so do you own your own helicopter or you rent one you rent one no I rent i I can't justify doing that what so I can just fly over Dodger Stadium oh that was cool put it back down you know I you you fly to gigs right like didn't you fly to San Diego for a gig yeah I flew down and I flew down with an instructor cuz I was the first time I was doing it I wasn't familiar and he was handling a lot of the radio and the calls and that type of shit but uh but I flew the thing and it was I flew an hour 44 which is a four passenger I was fucking awesome so you go down there and does he come with you to the gig oh yeah yeah it was perfect him and his brother came and then Kevin Shea wrote in the back and they had a great fucking time and it would have been cool if we could have landed right at the venue but what it was was it was in like this Canyon area and there was a bunch of high wires and by the time we got out it was gonna be nighttime and didn't want to fly out of that so that was the only sort of buzzkill but what's it like flying at night oh I got video dude it's fucking unreal it's really it's really uh it's a beautiful thing to flying out over the ocean and just seeing the shit that's out there that's left compared to what the fuck we did to it but like just the amount of times I've flown out over there and I just see like look at that like what the fuck is that and then you look up couple hundred yards of somebody sitting on a surfboard waiting to catch a wave you want to be like dude there's something I could swallow you whole like what you sing I don't know what it was I don't know what I mean you're it's weird like when you're up high like you know fifty nine feet away when whales come up like when they just right at the surface because they're there Bonni and obviously all wet when the Sun hits it they look like almost like glow sticks it's really fucking weird like almost like I don't know what the fuck is a caterpillar that glows one of those fucking glowing things that's what it looks like but when you're down low there's a couple of times and I've had buddies too I know a guy he was doing you know he was flying a thing out for a shoot and then he's really yanking the guts out of it you know just on that one flight but he said he fucking was coming back around they were filming like a boat race and he fucking came around like that you know he was on his side he looked down he went it was a big fucking great white shark near the surface I mean they weren't like real low to the ground I mean they look you know 500 feet up but deke you can't miss you can't miss a 30-foot 25-foot fucking great white or something I've now think I've ever seen a great white but I've seen like you can't pull in maybe it's because we're up in the air it seems like it's closer to the coast but you can't believe what the fuck is do that's like like no one would walk into the jungle you know what I mean be like dude there's like tigers and lions and cobras and yeah I'm not doing this shit but the ocean is the water version of a jungle and you're just walking into this shit and you're ahead well your fucking eyes are where you can see everything could you ever walk into a jungle like you know I get when somebody finishes their basement you know I can like push your head through those tiles right have one of those on your head you can't see where you're going and just walk into the jungle you would never do that right the ocean is is absolutely fucking terrifying to me and I I will never never ever go in it so one time I did a flight I did a flight to Catalina Island and we're literally we got like you do that man you're flying over water it's a single-engine so you got to have flares you got a fucking lifejacket on and shit and that was the only thing I was worried about I was just like dude I'm not even I'm not even worried about dying right now I'm worried about crash landing into this shit living and then waiting to fucking die it doesn't happen often but when it happens I never forget it there was a guy just a couple of years ago I think maybe just last year in Santa Barbara a surfer got killed by a great white and my favorite story was a guy in San Diego training for triathlon was him and a few other people they were all in a row and they were all swimming and this fucking whopper they said it had to be like 18 plus came along bit the guy in half in front of everybody and just just you know severed them in half killed them right there just bled out everyone's screaming it's the best I swam away the best way yeah just bite me in half get it over with I saw a shark coming at me I would fucking swim towards my head shove it right in there okay have you take a bite in my leg and see if I'm edible and see if you could get a tourniquet on it before you can level the shore and I'll fuck all that yeah it's it's a weird way to go it is a crazy thing because if a monkey's dude with you that fucking ripped that woman's face off oh yeah dude they you know when they fight each other they think fucking fingers pull off and they fucking yank the guy that the fucking balls all bagged off the first thing they go for fuck that they know what makes you a person they know your fingers they go for your fingers they tear your fingers off they bite them off they bite your balls off yeah you know they're ruthless they think - that's the problem is they're thinking do my dog thinks hmm forget about those things that is like you know like when there's just that big guy in a bar owes a fucking psycho and you're just sitting there going I wish there was somebody big enough to fucking handle this so I can feel better like that's that times a thousand if it chimp just goes you know one of the guys bring back to F it's a family when the guy said I work with got attacked by a monkey one time when he was a kid and and to this day he had the funniest thing he goes I hate when I go on shoots and there's monkeys because I fucking hate it he goes cuz what's gonna happen is you know you're gonna get two or three takes everybody knows he goes you do two or three takes and then after that the monkeys just gonna do whatever the fuck it wants to do and then the handlers gonna try to get it back under the hood or whatever the fuck it's doing and yeah it's just I've never heard any good things about monkeys when we were Costa Rica we're staying at this nice resort and they had monkeys there monkeys howler monkey the worst and there was the other ones who's paleface monkeys and weren't the howler ones howler ones don't come close to you but the other ones he's a little wet but they won't shut the fuck up I was I was tareka and fortunately we didn't have those but we wanted to rough it my wife was just like yeah listen I just want to go on the mill we fucking slept under a mosquito net dude we're in the jungle I do we will put it this way we did a zipline tour through the northern part of we did the rain sauce yeah we right there so we're staying under this fucking mosquito net and we have like United States of America bug spray in like the rain forest and they're just laughing at this it's like I'm shooting a pellet gun and the guy's got a 44 dude it was like it was like I might as well put a one on dude i had welts all up and down and they were biting the shit out of us and i remember like the second day this these fucking army ants just took over our fucking little i didn't know what you'd call it there was like these expatriates had a fucking literally this giant tree fort that they lived in and then they had these little bungalow so you had to walk up a ladder to get into and these fucking things just took over the place and the guys like came walk i came i was like a fucking thousand ants in there like they were all in single file and he just came watched he goes yeah those the army ants he goes yeah he just can't do anything about it i was standing there looking at him and i got like these flip-flops on and he goes you can't do anything about him just you just got to let him pass through it take a couple hours and he goes out watch out though they bite and right as he said that one of them fucking bit me and I was just like dude you got to be fucking for them so so they had a monkey and a spider monkey and pet yep not really a pet I mean not pet by its choice but he hung out yeah they had it know they had it as a pet by their choice the monkey was was a prisoner oh so so easy so I went over there it's done oh it's sitting on top of like looks like a birdhouse so like an asshole I walk over to this fucking thing like giving it food and everything and it fucking jumps on me in two seconds it jumped on me inverted at its tail wrapped around my neck reached into my pockets took my bungalow keys and then ran up the fucking tree with the keys to my bungalow so I couldn't fucking get into it and it all it all went down in like fucking like point three seconds that thing just went standing there feeling subhuman I was like I just got outsmarted by this thing like this is one for this side and the monkey was up there looking at me I know it's fucking laughing at me going like all you dumb motherfuckers keep it right in your right front pocket I get it every time so then I was sitting there going like alright alright motherfucker right you want to have a battle of wits here we go so I get some food right so I come down and I know I'm judging it's fucking leash how far I can jump so it kinda get all the way back down on this little fucking bird house which was probably about three feet long so I'm sitting there walking with the food and it knows I want the key and it's actually holding the fucking key away from its body seen if it can have its cake and eat it like a fucking human being who so yeah Wow so I get the food and what I did was I said it I took a big chunk or whatever the fuck it was what so it would need two hands so it set down my key so it set down the keys on the other side of the fucking thing and then it was walking was slowly walking towards it and right as it got to the food this is why I'm a sadistic asshole raised it got to the food I fucking slap the food off the house it would be out of its reach and then I grabbed the fucking keys and ran and this thing fucking left at me I swear to God I could feel its breath and I fucking made it away to the other side of it and it was fucking pissed at me and I was standing there this is middle Costa Rica going yeah fuck you motherfucker fuck you there is a funniest part right so I go to my bungalow and I'm fucking still kind of pissed at that fucking thing and I go and unlock the door and I'm sitting there for like 20 minutes reading a book or whatever and then I just got and I just started thinking about the monkey and I fucking looked out the window and it was sitting there all by itself looking all sad and everything and then I felt bad so then I went and I got food and I didn't have my keys this time I actually kind of made friends with the thing after that but I felt when I saw it all lonely and she was like you know what this thing's a prisoner it doesn't want to fucking be here and I'm being a dick I got to give it the food so I gave it back to ya I felt bad that's a happy ending I don't got it in me ah that's cute in the moment I do you know what else is cute f is for family yes let's say let's end it on that okay cuz that's a fucking fantastic story and f is for family December 18 you know bill bird calms at your website yes it is bill burr on Twitter six episodes and a thanks to everybody involved with the show Netflix Mike Price everybody over at Wild West Vince Vaughn Peter Billingsley Mike like nice Victoria Vaughn all those guys everybody that helped me out and we'll definitely be tweeting it the week it comes out but everybody know when it comes out I'm thinking people hopefully I hope they're gonna like it's hilarious the the previews hilarious I know it's gonna be fucking awesome cool alright brother thank you very much man it's always a place let me know what you think of the pot and it smells great I can't wait to dig in alright buddy I'm gonna give you some help - don't leave without it all right folks we'll see you soon later [Music]

Info

Channel: PowerfulJRE

Views: 5,919,874

Rating: 4.7690411 out of 5

Keywords: Joe Rogan Experience, JRE, Joe, Rogan, podcast, UFC, MMA, comedy, stand, up, Deathsquad, funny, Joe Rogan (Celebrity), Bill Burr (TV Writer), Humor, Stand-up Comedy (TV Genre), Sketch, Sketch Comedy (TV Genre), Comedian, Brian Redban, Freak Party, MMP, Ultimate Fighting Championship (Sports Association), JRE #727, 727, F is for Family, Netflix

Id: MxrHlhTXUPE

Channel Id: undefined

Length: 152min 28sec (9148 seconds)

Published: Tue Nov 24 2015

Reddit Comments

What time does he start? I'm on mobile sorry

👍︎︎ 6 👤︎︎ u/MrSolus 📅︎︎ Jul 24 2017 🗫︎ replies

Can someone explain to me the phrase "have your cake and eat it too"?

👍︎︎ 3 👤︎︎ u/Jello_Bones 📅︎︎ Jul 24 2017 🗫︎ replies

Never underestimate a monkey.

👍︎︎ 2 👤︎︎ u/dokimasia 📅︎︎ Jul 24 2017 🗫︎ replies

I'm glad I'm not the only one that skips through Bill's sports rants & raves.

👍︎︎ 5 👤︎︎ u/j-bales 📅︎︎ Jul 24 2017 🗫︎ replies

All week I've been listening to these guys talk - so fucking good every time they do a podcast together.

👍︎︎ 1 👤︎︎ u/Phalinx666 📅︎︎ Jul 24 2017 🗫︎ replies