Joe Rogan Experience #1518 - David Choe

hello david what's up buddy if i leave right now this will be the shortest one you've ever done ever ever now you don't have to do this i know you're worried you're gonna say some crazy [ __ ] and uh you're going to torpedo your life now that you're a cult guru with strawberry blonde hair it's more uh strawberry blonde well i did it's a home job it's beautiful so it's more um my therapist would always say lean into discomfort what you don't like and i hate gingers so i said why don't i just become one i'm like your therapist says lean into discomfort yeah if there's something that like i'm in a men's group also and they said and i told them i said i'm going to go back on the joe rogan experience after four five six years i don't know when the last time i was here five right i don't know it's been a while and so they go lean into the discomfort oh start with what you at least want to share and i go this is me trying to they don't know you that well that's [ __ ] terrible advice for you so i sit there i'm driving over here and i go okay start with what i at least want to share i pulled over on uh van nuys boulevard and i puked really yeah i puked wow um i have a i don't get nervous you know i used to have my own podcasts i've talked to you a million times um and like i just had like a visceral response and i was like and i just pulled over on vanity and i think someone took a picture of me so if you're out there and uh i don't get nervous like these things like i'm i'm able to just uh almost disassociate it's like whatever and just go right and just go into any situation and i just felt you know and i was like oh maybe it was the breakfast i had i had a hard-boiled egg and uh chia pudding that's what i had for breakfast so that's it that's it and i pulled over and i was like oh my god i'm [ __ ] nervous i'm just gonna puke puke i look across the street there's a guy like and then i get in the car and i'm like do i really want to share with joe that i tried on like four different outfits last night do i want to share with him that i got caught yesterday at i was eating at the there's a place called johnny pastrami's in west adams that just opened it's an old restaurant that just reopened and i know the the guy that runs it danny and he said um you know there's an outdoor i don't need an outdoor spots right now and i'm like what the [ __ ] i'm so scared i'm gonna be canceled if i talk to joe you're gonna be fine and then i run away through this but then i go i i've been canceled so many times like i kind of like it feels good you haven't been canceled since the age of real canceling though the age of real canceling has been since you were on the podcast last that's when canceling is kicked up to a new level because now the pylons happen right before there was just canceling like you'd get in trouble for things someone would write an article like oh my god what did david do he's crazy but now the pile on the social media and the effectiveness of the pylon has been established so now whenever someone anything happens to someone all the the the pile on people but but i like i like getting canceled like a lot you enjoy it did you see the michael jordan documentary i still haven't seen it all right i'm not going to ruin it for you but it's i heard it's awesome it the the actual filmmaking is kind of amateurish but the subject matter is so dynamic that like you're in it and like the guy's a full-on gambling addict yeah you know and and it's 12 episodes it could have probably been like four and the story's the same it's just this guy didn't give me the best seat on the airplane this this guy overlooked me in high school it's like all these slights and he takes it and he uses it as fuel and so i sit here and i go i'm driving to joe rogans right now i'm scared to be cancelled and i sit here and i go every [ __ ] horrible thing that's happened in my life physical abuse sexual abuse verbal abuse spiritual abuse prison getting my career taken away or this or you know anything has always led to bigger and better so i'm like kind of like it you know that's yeah but that's just because you're a real person like you're not you're not full of [ __ ] in any way shape or form you might be crazy but but you're a lovable crazy and and when people know who you actually are it's like you have these moments where things are uncomfortable and you know and you're confronted with you know bad a bad scene but then you rise above thank you i appreciate that what is your uh threshold with receiving compliments my threshold yeah what's your comfort level i haven't seen you in a long time uh yeah it's been a while i don't know can i give you can i give you okay five sure okay um you you're you only look better as you get older oh thank you you have a beautifully shaped skull like as an artist as a sculptor like i painted you yeah i don't like the painting anymore i think i can do a better one now it's awesome it's an awesome painting i'm like this guy like all artists and sculptors out there listening paint this guy's skull it's beautiful um you're unbelievably uh curious inspirational you give me hope you're funny you're entertaining and you're a leader just talk to all your guys right now like you're leading this charge to texas right now and uh you're a perfectly imperfect unrepeatable miracle of the universe wow that's heavy you're great man well that's very sweet of you i appreciate you yeah thank you very much man that's very nice of you yeah i i i love you know i haven't talked to you in a long time but i told you i just i i'm sure a lot of people feel this way you're just on all the time you're in on youtube or on a podcast or on someone else's podcast so i still i'm like [ __ ] i think about you you're in my you're in my head can i give you uh on air gift sure um i was while i was trying on all my outfits last night i i was like i want to see who joe's talking to this mic smells like post below so i was uh i was painting last night and i made you a shirt oh my goodness because you guys got on a little thing i didn't listen to the whole episode yet because it's four hours but um you were talking about ghosts at the beach ghosts on the beach so there's uh ghosts on the beach right here i made this well i didn't make the it's it's uh you see the ghost you see the ghosts on the front yes it's [ __ ] awesome you could wear it you could give it away i'm gonna wear the [ __ ] out of this thank you very much yeah that's so cool you're welcome that's awesome man yeah coast of the beach yeah you never see ghosts on the beach all ghost stories are always at night it's true right yeah that was a good point i felt like i made a good point that was a great point because like every i mean if ghosts were real like if they were really scary you'd see them in cool times like at the pool you know going back in vegas drinking everybody's having fun [ __ ] go shows up freaks everybody out never so um i got all the embarrassing stuff out of the way i think oh no so i was at this outdoor restaurant yes eating at the corner and not having a full-on panic panic attack but i have a nice beautiful wonderful quiet life now i'm not on the air i don't do podcasts i don't do interviews i'm not i'm not like my life is amazing like i completely changed my life since the last time i saw you and i go i i do want to talk to joe but maybe you know maybe i'll just talk to you on the phone or go visit you in texas like do i need to go on the air well i gave you that option i was like you don't have to do this but right but i'm a sick person but you're a fun guy you're fun people enjoy listening to you so i had this uh sculpture that i made and it was in my car and i just brought it out and i sat next to it and i said i'm just gonna prepare a little bit so i started preparing for the joe rogan experience and i started talking to this sculpture at the and i'm like looking i'm like you know it's three o'clock there was no one eating there and i got caught i got caught talking to a scholar i got caught talking to sculpture i was talking to this thing i made and it wasn't a it wasn't a friend but it was a guy i knew and he's like dave and he comes over and i'm like oh [ __ ] dude and he's like shame red face i'm like oh hey and he's like are you talking to a thing right now and i was like oh yeah i'm going on this thing tomorrow i just wanted to prepare a little bit i'm a little bit nervous i got my nerves i'm because i talked to you what thursday no i talked to you a few days ago and we talked for a while and i'm like this guy is a professional talker he's a commentator he's a stand-up he has this podcast that goes on for hours and hours thousands of hours it's an art you're a painter you're a mma artist in in in my world i'm also an mma artist mixed media artist right that's uh the bisexual of painting it's like you use everything everything anything goes so i go this guy is so [ __ ] good at it because i got off the phone with you and i'm like he's so good at talking he's so good at talking he's just it's like it's like when you practice something so much that you don't even know how how good you are at it you know and um even even even your podcast they they go on for a few hours which is against every everyone's like oh kids they have no attention span this these days it's like 10 seconds 15 seconds it's [ __ ] tick tocks or instagram and here's this guy he's talking to post malone for four hours and and making it seem just seamless and effortless and that's because you're a master at it and i go i'm uh my confidence level as far as this art form is low i don't talk to people anymore i mean i talk to my friends but i don't talk as storytelling or entertainment um my memory is shot to [ __ ] i can't i watch three seasons of ozark and i can't even tell you anyone's name i go there's jason bateman and there's the kid and the kid with the drone and i don't know the wife i don't know anyone's names i can't recall anything um and and you have all these scientists that are brilliant you have comedians and everyone's like quick-witted and they're fast and they're and i go i'm dim-witted i'm like a uh human soft-serve i'm like you're comparing yourself to the other people well i got to let that go right now well you are who you are the other people can't do what you do um that's true yeah your abstract way of thinking like the way you are as a person how you you're so freely yourself that's what allows you to create such amazing art like you just you're free some people can't be themselves they're not good at it you're really good at being david cho thank you you're really i'm horrible at taking compliments by the way so thank you it's uncomfortable for everybody i think unless you're a real creature you did a great right now just you're [ __ ] awesome hung in there that was good could i could have done more could have given you like we're good we're good you want to hear something funny okay so the reason why i kind of did that was i wake up every morning racked with anxiety and nerves and it starts immediately you're a piece of [ __ ] you're no good people don't like you this and that and then like what did i say when you showed me my painting from 2018. i immediately have to self-dep that's not that good i could do a better one so i um i talked to my therapist about it i say i i don't have a self i don't have a high self opinion of myself and they go well an average human living in society today from morning till night will say thousands of horrible things about themselves like thousands like i'm not good enough i'm fat i'm ugly this and that just and for you to say just a few nice things i'm like one of those some [ __ ] stuart smally [ __ ] like and i'm good enough and i'm pretty and they go see you did it again you just went right into it like why can't you say you're a good painter you know you're a good painter why can't you say you're and so they go give me five right now five what say five [ __ ] things about yourself that that and i i i couldn't give him one i couldn't give him one and and they're like don't you think that's has that always been the case i think so i think it's uh to go into that kind of self-hatred is i could sit here and say it's a korean thing k rage but it's gay rage they said you know take a stick of deodorant go home tonight and write i am enough on your on your mirror so you see it every morning and i go i'm not doing that that's so stupid that's [ __ ] [ __ ] the wasting deodorant yeah they go we're at you're paying us you're here just do it all right fine i'll do it i go and i write i am i misspell it e-n-u-f-f i am enough and then i go next week and they go so how's it going you know you're brushing your teeth you look at them enough i can't see it they're like what kind of deodorant did you use you know the clear invisible one no get the thick white chunky whatever yeah old spice and and like like you're a [ __ ] graffiti artist right so okay and i and i said i can do it but i don't believe it because i can sit here and tell you the amount of times in my life that i wasn't enough like i can sit here and go through many many stories of women dumping me for richer better looking more famous better this better that i can tell you of jobs i didn't get so i i'm not enough and i'm not you know so and it's this struggle it's this burning [ __ ] like the michael jordan [ __ ] like i got a [ __ ] i'm not i'm not at war i'm not you can't [ __ ] cancel me i've already canceled myself how are you gonna cancel someone who's already canceled there's nothing you're gonna say there's nothing you're gonna [ __ ] do that's going to outweigh anything i've already said to myself you uh that guy sucks he's ugly he's fat he's full of [ __ ] that i've already said that you know so do you think that fuels your art do you think there's a benefit absolutely yeah absolutely but you know if there's been that there's been that debate forever how do you create great art i'm not talking about good art but like the transcendent art the art that like is you remember it your it'll live on for generations and it's like oh it's like the picasso and and van gogh and all the comedians that [ __ ] hate their it's it wasn't a debate for me when i look at the art that i enjoy the comedy that i like the music that i like you must [ __ ] suffer you must suffer you have to suffer uh comfort is the is the killer of creativity that's what i used to say and you know and i'm you know i'm saying it now but like i'd be like in a room like ranting this comfort is the killer of create you gotta [ __ ] it's the killer of everything man but i'm rich as [ __ ] yeah i'm very comfortable but you're you're comfortable financially but that's how you keep sharp you keep sharp by not being comfortable in other ways so i sit there and i'm going off on this rant i'm like in a [ __ ] echo chamber they're like how long you've been telling the story for my whole life i've believe it's not a debate for me right for do do you know great artists that are comfortable and they're happy and they're like they have loving families and there's always something there's always something right i think you can have a balance but you have to have this thing right whatever that thing is there's got to be some sort of a struggle and and that was never a debate for me i go there has to be that struggle and they go but what if you take it away like what if you chose happiness over great art what if you chose and they go dave for someone who's rebelled and like made your own rules and done everything your own way it's so weird that you just kind of accept this they go can like what you just said can great transcendent next level art be created without that thing without that edge without with you pursuing joy and peace and love in your life and i go you know what never tried it i never tried it why haven't you tried it what'd you just say i don't know f-e-p-s-h fear ego pride shame humiliation that's why you never tried it all right [ __ ] you and i go you know what i'll try it and i'm i'm today i'm the happiest i've ever been you know like i i think i might be a little bit sick because i'm sitting here because i'm like why why would i risk how awesome my life is right now why do you keep saying that what why do you think that you're going to risk you're you're a fun guy to talk to we're going to have fun we we're going but you associate public speaking and podcasts with causing trouble because you were so for people don't know your podcast was legendary jamie from being so ridiculous jamie you're moving you guys are moving to texas right will there be any vacation or break between i associate i i i guess because i tell myself a story i know a lot of podcasters i know a lot of comedians and they don't oh okay you know what [ __ ] that forget i'll i'll use i statements i had a podcast and as buck wild podcast son i would listen to your podcast sometimes i'll go god damn dave holy [ __ ] and you saying that right now i get a hit right now there's a dopamine chart going on i'm like joe the great joe rogan is telling me my show is buck wild and well it was it's like you like even the way you describe your own anxiety and self-hatred it's like you there's a freedom to your expression that you would talk about in the podcast you would say the most embarrassing humiliating [ __ ] and you would say it freely and openly and then discuss why it's embarrassing and why it's humiliating and what you did wrong and what was [ __ ] up about it and what you were thinking while you were doing how you knew it was [ __ ] up it was like riveting man i remember park i was parked in my car once and you and us i forget what you guys were talking about but i was like jesus christ i have to see how this plays out so i'm sitting there i didn't get out of my car for like five minutes just waiting for this conversation to play out wow thank you i mean i don't even know where you would even listen to it i i have a strong support system that of friends and family that care about me and uh when i went off the rails and completely lost my mind they took it off the air which i went crazy like i don't even well this was back when it was on there i'm sure it's like on the dark web somewhere oh that's for sure well we were talking the other day about how you kept recording it you didn't you didn't release any of them i never stopped i know but what i said is what you should do is because you were talking about doing it again and you're like should i do it again like what the [ __ ] my life is so good right now should i do it again guys this is why i'll tell you what i said over the phone and i'll say it to you in person you should do it if you want to okay and the reason why you should do it if you want to is because the world needs more wild people the world needs more wild people people are god damn scared right now david they're scared there's a bunch of people out there that are terrified to be free they're terrified to express themselves because they're so worried about being attacked and it's that self-limiting and self-censoring is one of the real problems with social media censorship it's not just that you're censoring people for opinions you don't agree with but it causes other people to self-censor because they're afraid i canceled i went on stern that was live yeah this is this isn't live no okay but you used to be live yeah it's a [ __ ] high wire act the highway i don't know what they're like i'm a severe like codependent like person like when i go on the joe rogan show like i feel like an absolute failure when i leave here if i'm like i didn't make joe laugh i didn't entertain him you already made me laugh right now no but i'm saying so at that time we're going back five six seven years i felt i need to one-up myself every time like man joe just said [ __ ] man you went to a crazy place with assa so i was like i took my you ever do you have a lot of i know you were talking about alex gray but you have a lot of painters on here um i've had painters on here i wouldn't say a lot but they're horrible speakers they're not they they live up here yeah so they have a very hard time verbalizing like and i and i get there alex is he's he's one of my favorites to have on and to talk to but he's just so deeply embedded in the spirit world right he's got like two feet on earth and the rest of his body is in this yeah dimension of of spirits he's an he's an anomaly but usually artistic types painters artists they have a very difficult time speaking which is why they paint right they're internalizing everything and and i i got bored of painting i in the same way that when i went to go to the you know i'm going to kind of do a weird flex right now but i went to the picasso museum in spain and they have the the all his art displayed by decade here's his art from 0 to 10 10 to 20. if you look at the art that he did by the time he was 15 as an artist that he's bored he knows how to paint whatever like all realistic stuff and then you just see him going i'm bored with that let me go cubist let me go blue period let me and then at the end it just scribbles right it's just like [ __ ] i i'm trying my hardest to get back to drawing like a kid where i don't give a [ __ ] you know yeah and people go i like this stuff and for me i'm like man i people oh man that guy just got lucky everything i come in i come with like a killer attitude you know so when i when i did howard stern when i did your show and i just started i was like a year and a half remember i met with jason kaplan the producer of the stern show and he's like you know we have a channel here at sirius and and i'm like hold on timeout i've been podcasting for [ __ ] one year and i'm gonna be on the howard net like my head was like exploding i'm like so they offered you a show on their channel we were talking about it oh and i was like getting pumped up and i was like i [ __ ] knew i was awesome at talking i [ __ ] knew this [ __ ] and and i go but what am i what are we doing talking about relationships i'm talking to a porn star i'm talking to this how do i take it to the next level how do i like yeah when i close my eyes and i hear a podcast i'm going to interview this interesting person and can you believe this person and this [ __ ] and this facts interesting thing story weird anecdote and i go talking dog [ __ ] no enough with the [ __ ] talking like i'm a [ __ ] artist i'm a [ __ ] artist like i want to bring some [ __ ] to this what does that look like my guest today is yellow what i'm the color blue what what are you talking about dave uh so i'll tell you then you [ __ ] tell me here in person whether this [ __ ] should come out or not i feel like i need to get high go for it just keep going i go what is that like for me to meditate close my eyes and be the color blue not think about the color blue but be the exact color blue and my guest today is yellow okay you don't get high right i don't get high i i thought i think you'll see why i don't need i already see it and then i and then i go oh [ __ ] i'll get triggered one day and i'll think of someone who's like uh like my enemy someone who's coming after me i'll be like [ __ ] this guy [ __ ] and i'll read all the comments and [ __ ] and it's like dave chose a piece of [ __ ] and i'll go i'm gonna become my victimizer right now and the person i'm gonna interview is myself as a kidnap victim what so i gag myself i gag myself and then i become the person who just kidnapped me and i and i start screaming dave you're a [ __ ] piece of [ __ ] because you [ __ ] do this and you steal and you rip off people and you're [ __ ] and i go and then it sounds like [ __ ] and and and i and i'm not pretending i'm not pretending okay i'm pretty i'm i'm so you're locked in i'm locked in i'm like my only goal right now is to try to convince this guy to let me go like i'm a kidnap victim right now right and i go i need to [ __ ] figure out how to like hostage negotiate myself out of this and then and then i play this guy who's like my only job right now is to murder you i want to [ __ ] kill you right now and i'm like my friends come in open the podcast door i'm on the floor in the fetal position and they're like let's go to dinner and i'm like can you guys you guys want to hear what i just recorded this should never go out into the world this should never go out i go hey i'm not gay but what would it be like to just do a podcast with a huge dick in your mouth so i go on amazon i order like a butt plug and i stick it in my mouth and for then three hours for three hours you did a podcast with a butt plug in your mouth two and a half two and a half the whole what does it sound like i'll put you want me to send it to you sure and um why wouldn't you just i i wanted after like the first couple of seconds like oh yeah this isn't gonna work hey there's a lot of nuance to butt plugs and the you know like where it's going to go right there's no standard butt plugs i started getting q-tips it was a huge one i was getting tmj my jaw was hurting jesus and so i'm listening to this stuff and my friends are like at this point there's no difference between you and the homeless guy on the street that's talking to himself that's having a fight with his boss that fired him 20 years ago and what's and i go um were you raised religious at all from the time i was like five till i was around seven i kicked it you ever um you ever um see people talking tongues i have never seen that live but i've seen a lot of videos it looks like it'd be a good time so see you're an adult so you're like this would be a good time as a kid terrifying terrifying right so you've seen it so my mom took me to this church and i mean i'm scarred you know like is it pentecostal it was baptist baptist so i walked into this room and i was six six five years old rising right and i go mom let's get the [ __ ] out what and like these people are touched by god right now they're talking directly to god and i go oh my god like and it stayed with me well you know i start teaching um autistic children when i used to live in san jose art you know i i tried to uh um help you know give back to the community and and my friend uh said can you start teaching this kid joseph and then i led to a network of like all these autistic children that needed art lessons so i meet this kid steven and he can't put a sentence together hi there like oh hey come on let's paint today fearless and we go outside on my deck and we look at the san jose skyline right photographic memory photograph like not to scale like everything's off proportion looks very like i come back okay steven let's paint he starts drawing buildings and i'm like [ __ ] and like this like not looking just like and like like some kind of weird and i go this [ __ ] guy that can't put a sentence together is a genius he's a photographic he's what something in his brain is tapped into something that i'm not tapped into and now some words are coming out of his mouth that sound like that [ __ ] uh tongues kind of stuff you ever see that um jay-z documentary where they say they show him like he never writes anything down like it's all in his head yeah i've heard them and he's like and he does like a weird mumbling he's like oh where he's like doing it but it sounds like it sounds like that so i go i need to do a podcast about that so i go in the room and i go right now as someone who's never spoken in tongues or not hooked into whatever jay-z's hooked into and whatever my friend steven i'm gonna talk that one went on for six hours six hours of me creating an alien [ __ ] language trying to talk directly to god and that one 100 of my friends go you cannot put this out so you have a [ __ ] butt plug in your mouth you're talking in tongues to god you're kidnapping yourself and hold up these aren't all the same episode right no no the many different but the butt plug you didn't talk tongues with the butt plug right this is that it sounds very similar those two episodes are very but the talking tongues so you there was no real words you just sat down and just this is what the butt plug one sounds like how many hours does it go for a while i don't understand why you wouldn't have stopped after the first few seconds that's a hell of a butt plug like a water bottle an eight ounce what is it it's eight ounces sixteen yeah well eight ounces of meat the language thing that you did did you talk any english you just get in there and my goal was podcast just don't don't try to i want this to sound like complete gibberish right yeah so from the moment you started there was no like hello uh i'm gonna try something right now i don't know you know who did that man it was real weird uh mckenna used to do that terence mckenna used to uh he used to do it i think he did it under the influence of psychedelics he would talk in like these weird uh crazy fake words what is that called there's a there's a term for it not just speaking in tongues glossolalia is that oh uh a scat glo it's called glossolalia yeah oh is this mckenna yeah play this just so you can listen to some of this um seems to be it's it's language-like activity because he talks about it oh he talks about it it's very interesting well he i've heard him do it in there was a song he did a thing with uh you want to try it with me right now sure what do you want to do don't don't use any words that sound like the english language just close your eyes and try to think i have to close my eyes just just to like you don't have to close your eyes sounds fake see you need time you need time need time to work on that but i would bet but does anyone need to hear that see i need to get on that level i [ __ ] dare you to do stand up in uh that language no people pay money people pay money i can't do that to them by myself alone maybe but that that thing i was just joking around about it was it with was it the post malone thing i was saying i think that aliens would be so good at language they would be able to talk to us in a in a language and we would understand it that they would be able to figure out sound to the point where sound could trip they could they could embed information in sound with their super complicated language to the point where they could talk to you and you don't have to understand their language you don't know by now well what do i not know you're an alien oh that's ridiculous like the mountain you you don't think there's any part of you that your fascination with it that you might be like a sleeper cell that no i'm serious like what come on oh i've heard all this like simulation theory what are the chances that this man with this beautifully shaped skull is born on planet earth and whatever there's probably some kind of block that's but then you you become this person and you use the human voice to connect with sports science um comedy and then you amass an audience of hundreds of millions of people and i go this fucker's an alien no there's no way you're an alien no i think you're in it i'm a [ __ ] listen to me trust me i just do things a lot that's what i do i just do things until i get good at them i will start the church man i'll [ __ ] join joe rogan i don't have any talent at anything see you're doing it right now then working hard and getting obsessed with things that's my number one time you're extremely talented well i had physical talent when i was when i was started doing taekwondo i had physical advantages that i recognized very early they're real advantages like some people just have extra speed they have extra power they have things that their body can do that's not it's not warranted by the amount of effort they put into it there's there's that but aft outside of that everything has just been being obsessed with things and that's a human characteristic that's not an alien characteristic and uh a lot of it is like we have our own struggles right like your struggle is you tell yourself you're not good i don't tell myself i'm not good but i'm never i'm never fully satisfied with anything like anything that i do personally whether it's the way i behave or the things that i write or or perform or podcast or a stand-up comedy special so you do the same [ __ ] i just did yeah but i don't hate myself but i'm never happy i'm never happy with myself but i'm never i get to a point where i go all right let's i did my best i know i put in the effort i know so that's researched it so that's what makes you inhuman because most humans do hate themselves well what it is is that alien [ __ ] because of the fact that i'm obsessed with doing better at things i put the work in and from my own personal experience when i have had moments of self-hating it's not like i just never had any self-hating it was mostly because i didn't put the work in you spend a lot of time with this guy have you ever seen him do like weird bathroom rich or like anything that would be like non-human maybe you're [ __ ] alien too jamie's way more of an alien than me he jamie reads my mind 100 wow i'm about to say something and jamie will just go and he'll type it up did you know um chester from linkin park i did not i met him once but i did not know him so i know joe han in his band the dj guy so um i went to his house once and he played i don't know what you call scratch tracks or something and the way i know that they make music is they all live in different cities so they just like the guitar player will make something and then send it to like mike shinoda and and joe played me an entire album where chester just sings over every track gibberish oh wow and it sounded better than any other music that i've ever heard and it was like because he's just trying to get the and it was like scat i don't know what you call it do you know um the the black keys i i've heard their music i don't know that dan an hour back yeah he told me he just makes up words that's [ __ ] awesome yeah yeah he just like he first of all that guy smokes tons of weed i mean just constantly high right he's like i get high and i just uh i just come up with lyrics i just start singing i start playing and i make up words wow like you make up words he goes yeah yeah yeah so that's sound yeah [ __ ] yeah it's hard so you just said something my keys are phenomenal these people are paying money to come see me do comedy so i'm not gonna do my true alien tongue version stand-up set that's something i would have to practice right see that's that's the thing like if i'm gonna that would be too indulgent to do it in front of them without any practice if i knew that there was a way that i could do it that i could distill it down to an entertaining form right i would definitely do it so you've you've done like thousands of these now yeah you've had every single different kind of profession and weird personality sitting here and and i was getting to the point in my podcast where i was getting pretty big guests and and i was finding myself dissatisfied but unlike you hating myself and becoming very bored and i said i'm i'm not good at speaking because i have blind spots i stutter i say like a lot i say um i talk over people and i'm trying to sort of like wedge my agenda and try to get my point across and i go if my consciousness my soul who's talking in this mic right now is what is the interview we want to learn about ourselves through another person we want to learn you know and i go there's a lot of people living inside me there's a lot of there's like i'm like oh there's a guy here right now that's [ __ ] puking on this on van nuys boulevard and there's another guy that's super confident and cocky and so i go there you're a collective there's a short bus in my brain and the person driving right now today right now is a confident sober mentally stable but on that bus there's a racist dave there's a sexist dave there's a werewolf dave there's a trans dave there's a uh experimental butt plug dave there's there's many daves and there it's whatever attention i i want to give them yeah and um you ever done a psychodrama psychodrama yeah what is that it's like a therapy tool where um you're in a room like this with uh like five other patients um and or i don't know it could be like up to 10 i guess and you identify one of the most traumatic moments of your life and that you can't you're stuck you get you can't get past i can't get past my parents divorcing i can't get past failing at the you know national you know whatever that moment is okay and so then you keep playing that on a loop in your brain and no matter what you do in life that's always still going on and so it's a tool to to rewire your brain so it's like okay you're going to play yourself how old were you then 16 okay so you're joe rogan 16 who was there my dad was there my mom was there my coach you know and then so all the other people play the roles of those things and then you just go through and then what happened and then this guy punched me pause what are you smelling right now you go around the room then it you just dissect the moment and you're like so what did you need at that moment well i needed my dad to [ __ ] step up for me and but did he no so in this version have him come in so you're rewriting history and um i go home i've done hundreds of these now and i go has anyone ever done a psychodrama with themselves right because there's many voices on the 101 over here it's like dave turn the car around who's talking right now scared [ __ ] confident dave we need you up on the bus come to the front okay hey um why the [ __ ] did you stick a nestle pure life water ball in your mouth because you wanted to explain to joe what a butt plug did you need to do that and then so i do this for a few hours of course i'm recording and once again i'm in a [ __ ] room talking with a hot mic crying laughing screaming to myself this sounds like an awesome ad for a patreon page this is what you do you take those episodes you start new ones and you take those crazy ones and you just put it put it up only for patreon members and just ask him to please not share it unless people are paying and then use that money for charity probably make a million dollars in a week i don't know i i'm i'm trying to heal myself we all are right we all are what what you're saying is it mirrored in a lot of people especially the you're you're different i'm different person all the time i'm a lot of different people and um some of them have their [ __ ] together and those ones guide the other ones away from the the [ __ ] rocks in a in a fight flight or free situation what are you because i'm i'll i'll just tell you i could give a master class if you can't get out you should get out always [ __ ] you can fly if you flight is always the best option i'm a master freezer you can't freeze flight i'm either flight or fight those are one it's one or two and you can't take either one of them lightly okay so if you're fl if your flight you have to know there's a reason to get out and that reason has to make sense and you you have to be able to assess very quickly whether or not this is even going to work are you going to get out of here is this going to work or am i gonna have to fight and if i'm gonna have to fight i should fight now and i should be only thinking about that you can't if you're gonna fight you can never think maybe i shouldn't be doing this or maybe i should get out maybe i should back off maybe i should uh i don't know maybe i [ __ ] up you can't think that once you pull the trigger you got to let the wolf out of the cage okay and if you're gonna run you gotta run you gotta you can't you can't go jesus am i really running what am i doing no you just gotta go you gotta get the [ __ ] out of there you can't worry about your ego if you can escape especially violent encounters if you can escape and your ego's the only thing that gets damaged congratulations your ego can you can get over that but physical violence is terrifying so i need your help then okay okay i told you the other day um this this is pre-quarantine pre-panda i'm in the car with my dad and we were going to our favorite chinese restaurant in san gabriel valley which by where we live should take 15 20 minutes tops we live in los angeles i look at the google maps says an hour and ten minutes to get there primally traffic my dad had a stroke two years ago so he's got a kind of gimpy leg he sort of drags his foot so i'm like his uh uber driver now i take him everywhere and um and he's he's like a typical old korean guy he doesn't he likes to eat close to home no lines fast in and out done so yeah we get in the car 5 30 6 at on a weekday night and it's just traffic bumper to bumper and uh he's like [ __ ] look at this traffic and the thing that added to this which i didn't know was it was the academy awards night oh no so now it's like we're not moving and we're sitting we're sitting at the light and my phone starts blowing up like congratulations like [ __ ] like all caps you know what what's going on i look at my phone my dad's like hey don't look at your phone when you're driving like we're not going anywhere bro chill the [ __ ] out and parasite the korean film had just won best film like in the american academy awards and all my non-white friends are starting to like because asians all know each other right we kind of do but congratulations on parasite and i go i had nothing to do with that movie well you get waiting you're getting congratulated because it's korean yeah they're like you must be so proud of your people like you you did it man let me ask you this is that racist for them to do that it seems a little racist it's a racist congratulatory thing like people like if somebody called me up and congratulated me for something italians did i'd be like what beautiful [ __ ] is wrong with you beautiful meatball i don't even know that guy so that's what i'm saying i'm in the car going i don't even [ __ ] know that guy is it all white people that are calling you congratulations one one mexican guy two two white guys it's three people three people and it's the news just hit okay first time in history non-american film wins you know it's a big deal the koreans are [ __ ] like going crazy in koreatown and and then my mom who's in another car calls me and she's like get that guy over to her house for dinner i want to cook for him and i go mom you [ __ ] think we all know each other you know that [ __ ] guy you know that guy mom just cause i'm a a korean in the entertain i don't know all of them she's like you know stephen yoon he was in uh okja ocha he knows [ __ ] you mom the [ __ ] off like your mom's even more racist but my dad he likes that [ __ ] he's very prideful he's a prideful korean guy except he was born in china oh wow so during the you know war times he's you know he's korean but he was born in china he was on the run and when i like to [ __ ] with my dad i grabbed him by the neck and i go hey you chinese [ __ ] ching chong [ __ ] is it racist i don't know no i don't think i grab my dad by the neck he's ver he's one of the most prideful korean people and i and we're not going anywhere we're sitting at the lights and i go [ __ ] did it man what you know i'm having a uh you know connection with my dad i go you ching chong chinese [ __ ] came to america in the 70s he's like yeah there was no traffic then i go yeah just let me [ __ ] let me let me let me tell my story you come here they try to [ __ ] burn you out of koreatown they burn your [ __ ] shop down they call you [ __ ] they call you [ __ ] [ __ ] you come here with nothing you're working on an assembly line you're poor you have you raised three boys you have no [ __ ] money and look at us now parasite [ __ ] [ __ ] parasite dave chang best [ __ ] chef in america roy choi [ __ ] kpop dominating dominating the [ __ ] um bobby lee bobby lee steve lee like we're kimchi on the menu everywhere now everywhere every eric you want some kimchi pizza you want some probiotics probiotic [ __ ] up in your gut you know like everywhere this tiny [ __ ] country in korea you know my dad's getting pumped up he's like yeah we [ __ ] did it man and all the texts are still coming yes there's a there's a racist uh what the [ __ ] the term it's called a perpetual foreigner where it doesn't matter that you i was born in los angeles that you always feel like a foreigner growing up the message from my parents was don't piss off the white people like we need to act in a way that's uh what's the other one model minority we need to we can't do anything that like upsets them because we might get sent back on the boat you know it's like you need to act in a certain way you have to dress a certain way you have to comb your hairs you have to get a certain kind of job doctor lawyer doctor lawyer and you need to act that [ __ ] way because we don't want to get sent back and so yes yes father yes honorable father so i'm sitting there and i'm feeling myself i'm feeling my race i'm feeling my dad and i'm like i [ __ ] did it [ __ ] man everywhere kpop cape food tiny [ __ ] country that's been under attack for generations barbecue [ __ ] dominating now they'll like us now they'll let us into the club now you know and uh we haven't moved an inch we're still sitting in traffic and he goes i would trade all of that for for us to [ __ ] go home right now or beat this traffic all right whatever cut to academy awards to what was that it was the academy awards and then when was the the quarantine two three months later no traffic no traffic i can get to the beach in 15 minutes from my house it used to take an hour and a half i go dad let's go to the beach let's get the [ __ ] out of here sitting in the car and you remember when the quarantine first started you saw families walking down like entire families walking the dog everything was closed like there was no smog in l.a we [ __ ] drive to the beach we're almost there at a red light and there's a guy walking his dog with his kid and i and i get a kind of mad dog kind of vibe like he's staring at me and our windows are down and i'm i don't know i'm always talking really loud to my dad because he's hard of hearing and the light turns green and he just he like with like disdain and disgust he just goes like this he pulls his eyes back he made he did the shingles yeah he did the the did that to you and your dad and i can sit here and call tough guy from the [ __ ] that guy i got a thick skin and maybe because it was i was with my dad and i love my dad um and i i saw that my dad saw him do that and i was like like [ __ ] man like and i froze i froze i was like my dad is that that's wise that's wise i mean he's with this [ __ ] kid and i go listen it doesn't matter you never know if you go over and engage some guy in a physical confrontation and he beats you to death there's no comfort in the fact that his kid was there to watch you have to really people are so flippant about engaging in in physical violence it's very [ __ ] dangerous it's dangerous for everybody especially you never know what someone knows so i snap in those moments i go to rage and like maybe if i was by myself maybe i would have been more quick-witted and had a snappy comeback but someone hasn't done that to me the last time someone did this to me i was probably in a third world country 15 20 years ago and before that maybe i was a in in grade school and as a 44 year old man who's in a lot of pain that's been working on himself to heal it like hurt me well [ __ ] that guy just just get away from him that's the best you're not going to fix them by beating the [ __ ] out of them you're not going to change anything you can i mean the idea that you're going to punish him for that and it's going to no it's going to make him hate asian people more he's just a [ __ ] up dude and a guy would do that to you for no reason at all just sees you and wants to hurt you and make you feel bad that kind of guy is hurting man he's probably been abused his whole life there's probably something real wrong with him he's probably had a [ __ ] up alcoholic dad or something or some uncle did something to him that's always something people that lash out and try to hurt people randomly for no reason are all in pain you know is that old expression hurt people hurt people definitely and that's true and i'm hurt yeah but you're but that's not a that's an intelligent thing to do nothing because you're paused your pause is wise because you can call it freezing but you're stuck in an unwinnable situation if you go over and beat that guy's ass like that is violence it's dangerous you never know how it's going to turn out you never know if he has a gun or a knife or [ __ ] i go darker than that kill him kill him i go darker than that [ __ ] him just beat up his kid in front of him oh jesus i mean i don't think he would let you do that then he would really kill you but the the idea is that the best thing to do is get the [ __ ] out of there so the freezing and trying to figure out what because it's a it's a real decision if you run over it but if you get the [ __ ] out of there then that guy hurts you and then you feel bad you never feel like you got him back but growing up in the 80s i got that all the time and i and i built up a thick skin to that and i was i was like i'm going to go to a new black school i'm going to go to all mexican school and they're going to make fun of me they're going to do that they're going to call me mr miyagi there so i pulled into the beach parking lot and my dad had just already deleted it from he's like i was like sorry dad and he's like i'm like what the [ __ ] am i apologizing he's like yeah whatever and um and you know i'm saying it with my whole chest korean i was feeling very braggadocious and proud and it all it like deflates and i go parasite got us here and then a virus sends us right our dick shriveled back into our body and i'm like oh [ __ ] dude well that is a virus too well yeah that guy is a virus well look it's like like that's that guy caught that from somewhere well it's our leadership they're calling they're calling us they're calling it a 40 year old man and that's that's who it is it brought it back he's not gonna no that guy probably has always been like that man it but it's like people are inspiring right if you inspire hate then people become if they have that in you it brings it back out and i think by just him saying that it's a chinese virus dude when he called it chinese virus when he called it kung fu and not correcting it the violence towards him he didn't call it kung flu he didn't well if he did he didn't say it publicly i don't know if he said that but he like there's all those things showing that he crossed it out and he still he says chinese chinese virus right the little kid got stabbed at the sam's club in texas an asian kid and violence and you know it's asians don't speak up we don't ask for help we [ __ ] store it inside and then we explode so a little kid got stabbed look it up uh no i believe it right so because just because he was asian just because he was asian because of the chinese flu comment what trump they they did a thing where they measure it every time he calls it chinese virus the violence towards asians goes up in this country really yeah it's [ __ ] crazy oh he did say it yeah oh jesus that's crazy because remember that lady in the white house was saying i heard someone in your administration called it the kung flu right and he was like remember he was like what yeah so he was pretending he didn't know what but he had already said it he unless that was after that i think this was after that event this was after that so he's like that's a good name the kung flu i'm gonna use it he said and this thing where he was saying is like people call lots of names there's lots of names right coronavirus right kung flu yes kung flu yeah he said a bunch of times well there's been a lot of viruses named after other places like the spanish flu which killed a [ __ ] shitload but if someone shows you the stats and they're like look yeah you choosing the words you want right now is causing violence towards asian people in this country and he's like yeah [ __ ] him you know i don't think he's uh that insightful right i don't think he's thinking about it [ __ ] trump anyone else that's saying that right it's like no but i'm saying like that maybe someone needs to say it that way because you saying it that way and um i didn't know that there was a stat that showed that violence against asian people went up every time he said it then it makes that first of all it has a name right yes coronavirus covid19 it has name to call it anything other than that name it should either be funny or descriptive now if he calls it the wuhan virus that's really technically where it's from right i don't think there's anything wrong with that but the problem is actual racism and actual violence that's the real problem now the other thing is when you're a leader that's when things get slippery because then you can't just just be a regular person because if you're a leader you literally can help other people like you don't maybe he doesn't even realize it but you really can change the way people think and behave when when a really powerful person like him right the most powerful in the country arguably when he says something that prescribes unity that that that promotes the idea of companionship and a friendship of love and of support and camaraderie literally can change the way people feel and also if he says something hateful it'll change the way people feel like we move whether we like it or not there's so many of us there's 300 million in this country plus and we move to inspirational words or angry words that's you man that's you you are an inspiration like you when you say things like that people listen you see how people are if you wanted we were joking right now but if you did start a cult there'd be [ __ ] millions of people signing up tomorrow and they would listen to you and if you said this is a [ __ ] [ __ ] these chinese people then they'd say we're we're with joe you know i don't know i think most one would leave me if i said that they would be smart enough kanye fell over and tupac come on tupac stay with us bro this kanye one does not want to stand up it's so ironic so this is what i need help with okay how fast did i answer the phone when you called me the other day like it was like a normal it's it's like the first i i weren't we texting first texting first but then when you called me i'm so thirsty that people people assume right in our in our workaholic culture people assume that you must be really busy i mean you actually are busy i'm not busy i don't have anything going on like when someone calls me i make it a game now like here's another thing i don't want to admit to you like i pulled up right here i was sitting outside for an hour i was sitting in a uh like i was talking to this homeless guy outside for an hour before i pulled in here and um so when someone calls me now i you know it's cool to let it ring three times i'm like boom i do the same thing i just answer so i don't got anything going on listen i know i know in our culture it's really cool to be like hey bro what project you're working on what are you doing i'm like nothing i'm working on myself that's what i'm working on now that's really cool yeah so i i i take my dog i got a rescue from costa rica i love my dog and i go on walks with my dog now that are so long that my dog looks at me and is like dude when the [ __ ] are we gonna go back home and i'm walking and i'm smelling i'm taking in my neighborhood i'm smelling the petunias i literally stop to smell the roses i go this is my life now i stop to smell the roses i walk to this underpass where there's like the entire homeless community i um you know i give them snacks clean underwear water i just talk to them and they see me coming they're like oh there's that [ __ ] guy that's gonna talk to us for like six hours again and then i'm really busy today dave uh sam don't we got like a one o'clock brunch you know and and this is my life now not much going on and and and you got to tell me all this just because you answered the phone quick like no i'm not i'm trying to set you well i'm trying to set up how soft i am that's not so i'm not hard i don't have i'm not on it okay i'm not on it let me pause you for a second okay let me help you out here first of all if you just stat sat there and you weren't busy and just stared at your phone and let it ring three times you'd be a [ __ ] idiot but people do that there's people idiots you should you should record them everyone should have like a secret video of your friends staring at the phone deciding whether or not to talk to you or whether or not to let it ring three times you you see the phone ring and you pick it up right away yeah if i can you don't do that you don't do cool guy like no let me i'm not cool guy someone calls me i'm like what's up jamie first ring first tell my friends i miss him i tell him i love him i'm not cool guy i answer the phone i'm not i'm i'm thirsty desperate as [ __ ] [ __ ] you don't even think it rang my game that i play is that i try to i try to pick it up before it even rings once it's like like like oh [ __ ] this [ __ ] is telepathic if someone butt dials me i call them right back so my point is i don't i don't got much going on i'm working on myself i'm i'm trying to stop and and be present and enjoy things and i'm having a great day beautiful this is this happened last week by the way walking back home like i've been gone for like two and a half hour walk i'm walking back home once again i'm at a red light car pulls up window comes down and i'm just sitting there and i get that feeling that something's about to happen and the light turns you know on the other crossing light turns uh it's about to turn red and he goes hey hey hey and i look over and he goes go back to where you come from what do i got seven seconds before you know like i got a few seconds and i go once again this to go back this is the second incident since the pandemic started and i go i got this i know this one people used to say that to me [ __ ] and like there's there's like if you if you asian people that are born in america go back to where you come from bellflower whittier garden grove like that's and i and i and i froze again i go i have this uh come back clap back whatever i have that and i go joe will know what to say he's a comedian he's on stage with hecklers the best thing you'd say to someone like that is stare at him but he's gone already luke is a [ __ ] let him go like mad dog stare gorgeous empty blank you're a mirror doesn't mean anything go back to where you come from the guy's a [ __ ] again like why why would he yell out at you you're not an argument with this person he's a piece of [ __ ] he sees you on the side of the road and just yells out at you again guarantee you that guy was abused his life sucks go back to where you come from that's a crazy thing to say to people and then it's like what my mom's [ __ ] buddy your mom's [ __ ] do i go offensive or do i go self-suffocated [ __ ] everybody is from somewhere else this is the place unless you're [ __ ] cherokee unless you're a native american so the best comeback for that is just stare down just nothing just give him nothing you want to argue with the guy then he gets out and beats your ass yeah he threw my whole [ __ ] day off i i went home i put i i laid down on my bed and i was like god damn that's what he wanted to do you know and i go when was the last time i got that high school high school some persian kids said go back to where you're going twice since the pandemic and all from from high school on always out of red lights maybe i should just maybe i should just run the wrench maybe we should just roll the windows up and just look straight and and there's gonna be [ __ ] this get look life is an unfair game it's unfair it's unfair with your mind like the the idea that everybody has the same mind is ridiculous i know my mind is dog [ __ ] compared to elon musk's i've talked to him everybody has different different attributes every has everybody has different environment everyone has different family life genetics influences abuse assaults different things that have happened to you that have been horrible that you've had to get through you know the loss of loved ones all these different things they vary so much from person to person we have a rough idea of what it means if your mom dies when you're five we have a rough idea we have a rough idea if it means if you got beat up when you were 13 in front of your girlfriend we have a rough idea right we don't know until we experience it and everybody experiences a different [ __ ] hand of cards and then here you find yourself you know whatever age you are in life just still battling demons from your childhood and all [ __ ] up from things that have been happening to you and you you've never had a good path your [ __ ] brain doesn't work that good you've never had a thing that you do that makes you feel special right when you paint and you get rewarded for that painting and people love it there's a charge there's a thing some people don't have a thing they ain't got [ __ ] and that kind of person sees you on the side of them at a red light and says go back to where you come from and that gets into your head and it [ __ ] you up that's what they want to do they want you to feel what they feel when someone says something hateful one of the reason why it works is because like you feel their hate it's like it comes off of them like you get it on your system and that's one of the ways like men intimidate other men when men are angry and scream at men and get in their face one when they're doing is they're not just puffing their chest out they're not just signaling that they're aggressive and violent they're getting their hate in you you have to feel it you feel it like a drug like if someone's mad at you you feel and it's all about how much tolerance you have to that drug of other people's aggression and anger and resentment and jealousy and all the the various toxic emotions that people have when someone's at you yet like if you i'm sure you've dated crazy women right and i don't even have to ask so there's a moment in time when a crazy girl is yelling at you and they're mad at you and like jesus christ you're making me crazy it's getting into me like you're crazy is on me it's like i gotta get out of here it's [ __ ] contagious and like a virus it can change the way you feel and if you're in a [ __ ] hive just like a if you're in like uh just a hot spot of nasty thinking and behavior you grow up in that maybe you have abusive family maybe your dad beats your mom and your mom beats you and you beat your brother and your brother beats your sister it's just [ __ ] madness and then you have neighbors that suck too and everybody sucks and that's as much of a virus as the flu it's a it's a mind virus that gets out into the other people that around you and you could be real lucky and you could live in a uh in an area of uh mind nature a peaceful valley with a beautiful mountain and a creek that goes through it and that's the that's the community that you're in you got lucky you grew up in a wonderful community with fantastic parents and great neighbors and your your aunt your uncle come over and everybody has good times and oh sure there's a little bit of hardship here and there but for the most part people love each other it's the [ __ ] it's not fair right it's not fair when that guy yells out at you like that man it's hard to internalize all this in the moment because you are feeling his hate well i'll tell you tell you what happens i go i i become jealous of comedians because when i'm at a comedy show and i see hecklers and i'm like that guy was so quick with that comeback yeah but i won't do that in real life oh i don't do that in real life really no some guy cuts you off you don't have a fast one ready no no but you know what it so i reflect on it when i go home and i go what did i say the last time this happened and then i started laughing because it was high school a guy said hey why don't you go back to you know we got an argument he goes hey why don't you just go back to where you come from uh i go home i'm like oh [ __ ] but it's a learned thing years went by years went by the guy was a senior in high school and i said i got it i got it complete the revenge is the best dish serve cold or all that like not for comedy i see him in class and i and i get my balls up and i go i got it completely out of context four years later right your mom's [ __ ] the guy's like what the [ __ ] that's where i come from and i just walked away and i go that that landed so flat like that not really though because think about it right now we're laughing like it's a slow burn a four a joke delivered four years later worse even worse a joke delivered four years later and talked about 15 years later see see now it's effective it's just a real slow bomb hurt whenever i see stuff like that i i go because i grew up with it if if you know when you're in high school and people go hey pick a superpower invisibility or flight right i'm already invisible like being an asian and growing up in the communities that i grew up with i was invisible like i don't even have a voice like you might find this hard to believe but i never talked growing up i was the kid in the corner and like girls would form groups and talk about which guy they want to [ __ ] and i wouldn't even be they're like dave's sitting right there and they're like yeah he's not even he's not even on the [ __ ] roster and i'm like so i i i go wait is this racist yeah but what has it how can i turn this around what it did for me the asian superpower is if you're not seen and you're not heard and we're seen as non-threatening i can go anywhere i can go anywhere and people open up to me i've been to the congo i've been to third world countries i've been to every [ __ ] state in in america i might be the most american person like i've been to every [ __ ] state i've hitchhiked from the time i was 15 to every [ __ ] state every country and i've talked and and because would a black guy be able to do that would a white guy be able to do that when people see oh that guy's chinese he's like jackie chan or he's uh whatever they think they don't think that i'm gonna do anything or say anything or i'm gonna you know pose any threat so they just open up and they say the most i don't know like when i started hitchhiking people said no one's gonna pick you up right like 60s 70s everyone hitchhiked and then something weird happened in the 80s where like you're going to get raped kidnapped murdered you know but i go i don't think so i think if i put my thumb out and ask for help someone's going to give it to me and with that i got to see the world for free i got to go everywhere and much like what happened was i would sit shotgun and i'm getting these free rides and two things would happen either the driver has a long drive and they want someone to talk to or they want me to talk to them and something would happen and like i'm in the car right now with a complete stranger anything could happen and the first hour is always small talk how long you been on the road what would you do you know it's all that kind of stuff something switches when they know the rides about like i'm about to get out or whatever i'm never going to see this guy again i'm never going to see this guy again so now we've been talking about new sports and weather for an hour last 10 minutes i [ __ ] my sister when i was 12. whoa everything comes out so i've heard think about how many rides how was he he was 12 how old was his sister i don't know eight i mean everything drugs incest you know i i killed somebody like murder a guy called murder confessions really i've heard the most insane hold one at a time murder confession i don't know if i shouldn't retell it you definitely should be a guy confessed to me that he was thinking of raping me when i stayed at his house oh jesus you stayed at his house you didn't just hitchhike you hitchhoused i was in uh i was in the deep south i was in the deep south it was like my i was trying to hitchhike from la to to new york city i was with my friend brian same thing no one's going to pick up two two [ __ ] dudes and john wayne picks us up cowboy guy what a 10 gallon hat you know damn you boys look you know hot out there get in the car and he's telling us about shrimp po boys and you know he's just he works on a um offshore offshore oil rig and uh it's uh two weeks on two weeks off and it's just two weeks off right now so he's like where are you guys headed and we're like we're trying to get to new york new york but you want to go there for a bunch of queers out there i don't know we just we want to check it out you guys want to stay at my house tonight like this guy looks like grandpa just cowboy boots cowboy hat just big gut like he's a dude right yeah i'm young i'm 17 or 18 at this time we get to his house and uh oh [ __ ] this is what i'm talking about tiny town in uh louisiana deep south like we get in his house die hard movie collection rambo movie collection shotguns and uh lube just just just the dude just a man's man and he has uh and his side in his part-time job as an anesthesiologist but part-time anesthesia part-time medicine and then part-time offshore or oil rig and uh i'm you know this is summertime deep south covered with like grease and mosquitoes living outside on the road hitchhiking he's like you guys want to take a shower i'm like [ __ ] yeah i'm the first one in the shower and uh and then i come out i got the towel wrapped on he's like he made us like a frozen pizza or something and there's a protest on the television it's uh sanford this this is 1993 or 94. there's a protest of uh something with gay people in in san francisco and they were protesting and he's watching it i'm like what he's like i'm queer you never see me out there protesting and i'm like oh [ __ ] and then he and then my friend brian who's covered in grease and dirt he hasn't showered yet and i'm like oh [ __ ] and i started getting my clothes on and uh you know it's one thing to be gay and then it's one thing to be picked up by like a you know a big gay guy with a cowboy hat takes it to his house so and and and i here's the thing i don't want to discourage people from hitchhiking this is one weird incident that's happened in like 15 years of hitchhiking so he's like hey hey brian why don't you it's your turn why don't you take a shower i know i'm okay i'm all right you're filthy once you get in there take a shower he's like nah nah i'm all right i'm okay and i go oh [ __ ] what do we do you know i do a little pow-wow in the corner he's like he's old we can take him if he tries anything we're tired we were [ __ ] so tired we're like he's he looks like he was like falling asleep on his on his couch and he goes uh he's gonna go to sleep soon let's just [ __ ] stay the night it's [ __ ] air-conditioned in here and then let's leave first thing in the morning before he wakes up like okay [ __ ] it let's just do it all right boys i'm gonna turn in like yes so we we take the couch and i go let's sleep in a formation and let's take turns you stick we should have just left you go you you stay up for an hour and then wake me up i'll stay up for an hour we'll just and then we'll leave crack of dawn you know um i had a pocket knife so i slept like this i took the knife and i put a thing like this and i slept like that and i stayed up for the first hour and i see his him walking around his room and the lights are on and i'm like this this guy is not going to sleep midnight one in the morning he's still i'm like what the [ __ ] why won't this guy go to sleep putting his masks on so i nudged brian i go hey it's your turn i got i got him i'm gonna [ __ ] pass out he's out cold i'm like [ __ ] dude [ __ ] man i'm too tired and i go okay i'm just gonna stay up the whole night so i'm up i'm like guys are closing bringing back up again gripping the knife and then sometime around 5 30 in the morning or something my eyes are closed but you know when you feel someone so he comes out of his room and he's standing there and i could see and then i oh [ __ ] and then i grip the knife and i go this is it this is it it's going to happen right now and he just leaves he goes out the door and i go oh [ __ ] like and then i wake up brian i go brian let's get the [ __ ] out of here he's like what what's going on he's like dude he just left he's like okay i'm gonna take a shower then i'm like what are you talking about he's like if he went to the store or something like he's not gonna get some ducks yeah he's not gonna be back for a little let me i'll just jump in and jump i go dude let's just go right now like he was i don't know if he was jerking off or what like he was i had my eyes closed but he was standing right there and he's like i'll be i'll be quick so he runs in takes a fast shower we get our clothes on and like just as we're walking out he's like hey he's he like pulls in you guys are leaving without saying bye i just went to the market to get some eggs for breakfast and i'm like oh [ __ ] dude so i'm like i have no knife in my hand the whole time i go uh like it's that that uh thing where i i'm a people pleaser you know like i'll even put my own life at risk to like this guy went to the store and got eggs for me you know like uh yeah sure we'll have some eggs so we go in and the guy starts talking about um his wife and how um he works on this offshore oil rig with like a younger dude it's just two guys running this whole oil rig and the other guy just talks about how much he hates gay people the whole time not knowing that this guy is wow and um and then he just like like uh like all the other times i've been picked up it starts opening up about how he was married he has a bunch of children and then he figured out he was gay and uh and then he was like i could see it he he knows we're on our way out he's never going to see us let's just [ __ ] let it off you you boys look so cute on the side of the road there last night and it was like i was so like i'm so lonely i i don't get to you know you don't know what it's like to be a queer guy in in the deep south and uh man i when i came out this morning and i saw you guys sleeping together you guys on the couch you look so beautiful and perfect and i'm like oh my [ __ ] god dude and then he says i thought about just you know if you guys wouldn't mind if i just touched you a little bit and i'm like what the [ __ ] and you know we've once again i froze i'm like oh yeah yeah cool yeah so i'm and so i said yeah we're gonna we're gonna leave now so we just [ __ ] booked it and then um all of his neighbors were black like he lived like in a black neighborhood and like the houses are on stilts because of the swampland and whatever and i don't know if he's done this before but as we ran out like i heard like the kids laughing and they're like oh tom they're trying to do it again or and i'm like oh [ __ ] like this isn't the first time like of course and um look man this is looking for hitchhikers i've hitched all over the world that was the only time right and yeah and and so i i highly recommend it but um yeah what i was saying about being invisible is a lot of times people will do this or say come go back to where you come from because they're like this fucker's not gonna do anything and that's just not the way the world works you know like someone was explaining to me the other day that no one ever wins a war i go what are you talking about we come in we blow [ __ ] up and then we take the it's like if you look at germany and japan right there's two countries that are very small you look at a globe and you look at how small they are these are two countries that are very tiny that have tried to dominate every country around them and japan has started you know they germany starts every world war right and so you're like oh but we won those wars but we drive their cars now we drive lexus we drive they want in the end and then you think of the soldiers that come home the ptsd the drug addiction the homelessness it's like look at our country now it's like did we win like you won like on the charts you look at the numbers we took this town we did this we did that and when you [ __ ] with people when you hurt someone it stays with them forever like it stays with them for a long time unless you have tools and different things to like work through those things which i i i've been working on a lot but yeah being oh [ __ ] that's sort of racist that no one really thinks of me as a threat how can i turn that to an advantage i'm gonna travel the entire world i'm gonna train hop i'm gonna hitchhike um vice gaming like one of the first vice shows was thumbs up i i uh gavin mcinnes uh shane smith those guys i used to i've been writing and drawing that's how i found out about you really yeah i found out about you from well from two places one from bourdain but two from a video that i watch of you going to the congo looking for a dinosaur that was the first thing i ever saw of you i think that's like then i talked to bourdain about you and he was like you got to talk to this guy and when i saw your show i was like look at this dude this is crazy he's looking for a [ __ ] brontosaurus in the middle of the congo in 1994 i was living in israel in a farm called ramat hakovesh and it was a kibbutz and to live on the kibbutz you have to work and i was the illegal immigrant there so i'm trying i have no money so i'm making enough working on the farm just to live on the farm and at this point i'm 18 years old i've been hitchhiking since i was 15 and i've seen the whole world i've hitchhiked through europe i've hitchhiked through the u.s back and forth and i'm bored this isn't 19 i'm like what you go to the eiffel tower you take that same like this right where what haven't we done yet we've been it's all mapped out we've been to everywhere we've seen everything we've done everything i'm a i have a heart of a of an explorer i want to find new things you know and so i'm living on this kibbutz most of the other people that are from australia and south africa and what i love about them is they're so racist that they don't even know they're racist like i'm the only asian guy there and they're like nintendo sega genesis like they i'm like i got a name and they're like no your name is nintendo i'm like okay and so i'm working illegally in a casino illegally at a wedding catering place and then working on this farm so i have three jobs i'm making like you know under the table and there's a a library on the farm of books that have been left behind by past travelers and of course there's a old from the 70s or 80s a national geographic catalog and i start reading about mokele membe i don't know if that's how you say it but it's scientists national geographic people have spotted this [ __ ] brontosaur-like thing in the congo and and it's still there and the congo is still it's the heart of darkness and i gotta [ __ ] find this thing i gotta go there like i i was i was how old were you at the time i was 18. you decided you were going to go there i was like i have to go there how old were you when you went 18 years old oh no no and then vice i'll i'll bring it back to how that turned into vice but so i i get on a plane and tons of lying and manipulating to get the visa because it wasn't open to tourism it was only open for business and so i i make up the story that i'm a i'm a bodyguard to a toothpaste executive and i work day and night to get a ticket to the congo and there's no tickets it's this airline aeroflot and i'm in israel which is close to africa but because it's this russian airline i get on this flight it goes to moscow and then malta and then like six other african countries and then it lands in brazil how long like three days almost like like in like a shaky airplane you know and and you know everyone in there is the ones that got to get out right so when they're coming back they're bringing chickens and goats and all kinds of [ __ ] on the plane and wow it smells like [ __ ] and i don't know this is pre-internet right i i don't have any information on the congo except for i heard that there's a dinosaur there what year 94 94 95 i i lost track of time but it was right after high school so eighteen so no you don't have a cell phone either no cell phone nothing and the second i get off the plane it smells horrible because it's just burning trash everywhere and it's hot and it's oppressive and i go what the [ __ ] am i doing here like why am i here and everyone there asked me what are you doing here they don't speak english they speak french i didn't know that they're in the middle of a civil war uh i think the two factions were called the ninjas and the cobras like little kids shooting at night the every third bullet is like a tracer bullet so it looks like fireworks like what is that they're like oh they're just shooting into the air first breakout of ebola malaria and people go why did you do that it's not normal behavior and i go the l.a riots happened in 1992. i watched normal civilization normal civilized manners you know this is how people are you go to a store i saw that crumble overnight in one night it went from [ __ ] you everything let's burn down let's rob pillage steal everything i go oh it could happen that fast and once again that same kind of oh i think i'm accepted in this country i think people like me for me and it's like no we don't want you get the [ __ ] go back to where you come from so i think you know and i could go on and on about all the traumas i've experienced in my life but i heard people hurt people i was in a lot of pain i was like i i didn't like korean people i didn't like myself i didn't like i'd experienced a lot of a lot of abuse from black people and i just wanted to i didn't know anything there was no internet i didn't like i felt like an alien i i'm like i don't belong anywhere i just so i would go everyone go don't go to bosnia don't go to the congo don't go to the gaza strip and i'm gonna i'm gonna go every [ __ ] place my life has been very reactionary right my life has been like you don't tell me what to do you don't tell me how to podcast i'm gonna stick a butt plug in my you know right i'm gonna do what you know so i'm in the congo and it's in a full-blown war there's people being um uh we and everyone's like who are you oh my god who is this blonde asian here like i had my hair dyed done too and they and so i could go and tell a million stories about the congo but at some point why you were looking for this brontosaurus for real or you just wanted to go to the congress one as well what i i know the kids like to say 100 percent i've heard you say it too yeah why not 99 just to leave one percent 99 i was there for the dinosaur like like i was so young and dumb and stupid and ignorant where i truly truly thought i was gonna find it like i i didn't know enough about like the everything made sense to me because anyone listening to this right now we're talking about a story from 20 years ago right right i was a stupid kid i believed in santa claus very late you know like i i was a bedwetter i'm [ __ ] up man so when i finally did get to the jungle i got out of brazzaville i got up and i got to um this jungle area called hueso then i believed because the spiders are this big and the frogs are this big and how big are the frogs just everything is looks insane the snakes they got snakes out here this big like it was like okay now i believe like every year scientists were finding a new species of something that they thought was gone and i'm like okay the and and it's and then and then i and then i meet the pygmies whoa and and that was ah [ __ ] i don't know what version of the story i should tell because it gets so dark i met a german guy named [ __ ] i shouldn't say his name i met a german guy there who was the same age as me and he could this is in the city and then he could tell that i was lost i didn't know who this guy was he was being groomed to be like the next big politician in frankfurt or something right and so i didn't i didn't get this until later but he was here as his like sex vacation to [ __ ] as many black he liked black women so he's gonna [ __ ] as many curb your language dave to have as many intimate relations with women as possible is that better no the other i'm trying i'm trying to be better for myself that's what i'm trying and the way it was better you're explaining what it was it's not a bad thing that's that's what he was doing so i figured out so he sees me as another bad thing to explain things accurately you know you could use other words though yeah but that's what it is right it is what it is but i i i can i can come off i can turn people off when i use that language i want who are these people um people that don't like you no no they're people that they want dave no swear dave i came here for g rated dave and i want my mom to try to be g rated i'm just trying to pg 13 dave that's what i was signing up for occasionally the word [ __ ] pg-13 they have like rules right like two shits 99 okay so i'm with you thought that there was a real dinosaur in there and when you got there and you saw the big frogs and the big snakes i'm like maybe it is yeah maybe it is and what happens is we we go to the last spotting of it right and then i meet is there any evidence at all like everyone i talked to oh yeah yeah we've seen it like there's no like no that's crazy every [ __ ] person i meet is like oh yeah it's in in the last so is it one of those things where realistically there's not a whole lot of people looking for it anyway no but there are scientists that go out there and in the meantime i've never seen anyone murdered before until i got here right i've been through the early riots i've seen things broken and burned down and guns pointed but i've never seen anyone hung i've never seen anyone stoned to death and and it's absolute chaos i'm seeing people murdered i'm scared for my life i got attacked one time so i go i need to find now i have to find this dinosaur and i also know that there's a chance that i might never go home again so i write a letter to my parents they don't know where i am they think i'm in israel on this farm like i didn't tell anybody so i wrote my parents this long letter of i love you guys i'm about to embark on a journey to find a dinosaur and i sent it at the airport before i got on the plane to the jungle i have no money i have only one change of clothes i have [ __ ] blonde hair and i i go into the jungle and we get lost immediately i'm a [ __ ] city boy what the hell do i know about the jungle what do i know about the jungle did you have any direction nothing i just i just knew what you know you know what when i landed in the jungle there was a guy that i think i want to say his name is chris that was a peace corps guy and he was there to help build welds in uh this bantu village and he said the place what you guys are looking for he's like it's a you're not gonna find a dime you know he was like the reasonable one and i go how do i know if you don't try you know i still believed i still wanted to believe i was willing to risk my life for it so we get i haven't [ __ ] told this story in so long so we get to the jungle and and we start walking there's a minor trail and then it disappears it's just gone and i'm like we're [ __ ] lost in the jungle we're lost in the jungle so i'm with this guy that the the what we told people he was here to [ __ ] as many women as possible but we went with the story of he is the toothpaste executive and i'm his bodyguard that's a fake [ __ ] story right as we're lost in the jungle he starts to think that story is real hey go fetch me a pineapple i go dude i'm not sure he's like you're not a real executive bro like i'm not gonna get and he starts like telling me like like i'm like hey you know that was a fake story right like he's like and there's no one around so we get lost for days and he starts to really be like humiliating towards me and right on my nerves and we had rations we went in with some crackers and some like tuna in a can thing and i go hey man we're [ __ ] lost i don't know how to survive we need to ration this food out i come he ate it all he ate it all wow and and and and now like have you ever been in that kind of situation where you're like i'm gonna die here like i'm never gonna like hope is gone like i'm in a thick thick congolese jungle like i don't know how to get out and we've been lost for days like i don't know how to survive i don't [ __ ] know how to like i i this is it you know it's insane and on top of it i have this [ __ ] german [ __ ] who's like talking down to me making fun of me and eating my [ __ ] rations like i would pump all the [ __ ] water and put the the water purification tablets and be like thanks and i'm like dude what the [ __ ] man like that i did all that work so we could share it and so he was just he was a dick and so man and you're stuck in you've been in a jungle like that before no dude so we set up a tent we have one tent and so we're we're in close quarters with each other at night the moon is like this [ __ ] big like it's humongous and you hear the entire jungle come alive what are like [ __ ] monkeys and like things are bumping into the tent at night like huge insects and like and i'm like i'm i'm like i'm gonna die here i'm gonna die here so the few times in my life where i've been in this kind of hopeless situation the only thing that's gonna get me out of it is if i can control my mind because if i because i'm fall i'm i'm like falling into despair and in the daytime i'm doing stand up to the trees because we're just walking in like circles and i'm like hey how are you guys doing all tonight you know so you don't know where you are i don't know where i am i'm talking to the vegetation oh my god and this guy is riding my last nerve and he's and so i could safely say i lost my mind and so we're down to our last food and he and he did it again and i said bro what the [ __ ] did i tell you we got to make this last i'm starving you ate the rations that were supposed that was it and he's like whatever and he's he has a more like dissociated like checked out like like we'll get out of here somehow and part of i don't know his coping thing was to like talk down to me or whatever and so that night and we're we're lost at this point a week and a half maybe we haven't you know i'm [ __ ] 90 pounds i've lost all this weight i'm gonna kill this guy i'm gonna murder him i'm gonna [ __ ] murder him because i don't like people talking [ __ ] to me like that i don't like i've been a punching bag for this guy for for weeks now and i'm just gonna [ __ ] kill him and if i have to eat him to survive i guess i'll do that and so he's out cold he's got [ __ ] crumbs on his face tuna [ __ ] juice from the food that was supposed to be shared and i pick up i go outside the tent and i pick up i pick up a huge rock like bigger than this and i go i'm gonna [ __ ] kill this guy i i have officially lost my mind like i can't i'm barely gonna survive i can't do it here with this guy so he's out that's [ __ ] looking at his face and i pick up the rock and i go just like i don't even have to apply any pressure if i just drop it he's done like he'll he'll be [ __ ] dead and i go oh [ __ ] is there anything left is there any common sense is there any light left in my and i uh ah i i gotta [ __ ] kill this guy he has to go he has to he has to he has to die he has to die he has to [ __ ] die ah and then i just i didn't do it i'm not a murderer i can't like and in the mind i'll do it i'll do i'll do what murder dave come to the front no one's ever gonna know he does his family doesn't know he's there your family nobody knows who you are this guy chris the peace corps guy he's not gonna [ __ ] say anything you can kill him right now he has a ton of cash that he hasn't been sharing with you you can get out of here you can [ __ ] get some of your pride and your ego back those [ __ ] guys treating you like a [ __ ] like like a chinese waiter or something do it no one will ever know no one will ever [ __ ] find out you are you're probably going to die too you want to die like [ __ ] catering to this guy just do it and i'm sitting no i don't i don't want to i don't i'm not a murderer and i didn't kill him i woke up the next day and i'm just looking at him like [ __ ] you don't even know you don't even know what almost happened last night we're walking around hey what's that there's a [ __ ] pygmy up one of those 200 100 foot trees he's just sitting there chilling and i go what is that is that a person waves at us 200 feet above you huge tree like just i don't know that's so high it's so high it was so high how did you spot him he was he was like it was shaking a little wow from the place he was to get in front of us was seconds like hi it's like this short what's this jungle that i mean when you when you're in there do you even see sunlight through it or is it just no it's so dense i mean like yeah there's some cracks but it's just this was also in the national geographic why that the dinosaur would be here is because cameras can't see it because it's such a dense thick forest and there's things in there that are like moving and you know dude your description sounds terrifying it's terrible trying to sleep in the tent oh my god god dude i'm freaking out over here um so so the the um the guy comes up he's this short he's like tiny he's like you guys want some honey what oh my god and um this is this is where my skill as an artist has got me out of so many situations right because if you're in if you're in jail and you have any kind of skills singing dancing telling jokes drawing you're a celebrity so this guy doesn't speak english we don't speak whatever language he speaks so i start drawing stuff like food like you know in the dirt and he's like oh yeah i got you and he and he and he goes and um he brings us some meat that's all charred and i'm like i don't know what that is you know and and i took one bite and it tastes horrible and i'm like i'm gonna starve to death but i can't eat that wow and so it was like a movie he's like come on come on we're walking and you know it's us like stumbling machete trying to he's just like like we get around a corner entire village of pygmies they've never [ __ ] seen an asian person before i'm c3po and they're the ewoks from blonde they're coming they're touching my face they're like yeah look it looks like he's like i don't know what the [ __ ] they're saying like um the kid keeps doing this thing like uh i go what are you saying there was one older older guy in the village that i guess spoke a tiny bit of uh french so my the german guy can translate he's like they're saying you come from the stars you're coming from the stars and i'm like oh my god that's heavy so i'm like so i'm like we're saved they bring us some honey they bring us some fruit and i'm like oh god i'm like just devouring it they're laughing at us and you know it's like the national geographic the women's tits are like down to their ankles and um this [ __ ] guy he's an alien he's an alien i told you 1995 i was uh yeah i was 19 years old yeah 19 years old wow yeah and and they put that um they put their clothes on for the picture they were all naked when i got in there wow um look at my tivos that's amazing that picture is amazing so i um now had any of these people seen it did you ever describe it to them oh yeah so i draw the dinosaur i go here's the dinosaur and what were they saying they go oh yeah yeah yeah there's never like no it's always like okay there's the dinosaur and uh they go let's go and i go they go it's it's through wetlands like this there's gonna be leeches like uh there's a disease called bilharzia where uh there's like uh snails under like still moving waters and the second a mammal steps in the water little [ __ ] parasites shoot off the snail like uh like heat-seeking missiles and they go in your dick hole and then you piss and [ __ ] blood till you die and i'm like okay i'm done like i tap so they're explaining like all the the trek and the way to go find this dinosaur and i'm like and i went i went up until the leeches and then when i came out with the leeches i go all right i like this this is it you know i go can you help us get out of the jungle and they're like it took less than a day that's how close we were to like really yeah we were probably [ __ ] walking in circles so we get out in less than a day i get i get back home i'm 19 years old i start writing for uh for vice i start drawing pictures for them i do comics i'm writing and uh oh no i was writing for a magazine called giant robot and uh gavin and shane would read that magazine and they're like they were ahead of the curve right like when all print magazine right existed they were like we need to go to digital like like they were you know vice has always been free everyone feeds it they go to those magazine shops or wherever and yeah and they're like we need to have online presence the internet was brand new and they said dave that is the [ __ ] and i told you not the pg-13 but that story gets very dark darker than what i said they go will you go back with a camera and a camera crew and i said that was one of the most traumatic i almost died i saw people murdered there was a [ __ ] virus where people were bleeding out of their eyeballs no okay i'll go enough time had passed it was 10 years later actually it wasn't it was that was uh 95 and then it was like eight or ten years later and um so that was the one that vice filmed they're like can you go about that photo for the mickey mouse shirt that was earlier that was from when i went with the film like just my camera so i go back and um how did we even get to this the dinosaur the tightness they all see this same dinosaur have you [ __ ] look at that there it is dude you're [ __ ] on fire jamie holy [ __ ] yeah that one number three number three is bonkers what is that unless it's a log it could be a log so i on my on my second trip back i met the doctor there was a doctor that lived in the village close to that river look at the track and he said he'd seen it really and he's like not uh you know i wonder if any like real legitimate biologists have looked at those tracks maybe they could tell you by the way the footprint like they can kind of tell whether things are fake or real or not based on like how where the weight is distributed like someone who really understands some how these animals would would walk i think it would be really hard to fake dinosaur footprints right because the weight it would have to have like it there the description i just read this said it wasn't that big i shouldn't say it's not big but it's like 30 feet 35 feet it's pretty big it's like a big big giant elephant think about how big those [ __ ] alligators were that we were just talking about yeah so it might be a turtle they were seeing that's what i don't know if what they actually found a turtle through here their dicks were so big like when we went to the river to bathe they were like okay they just take their clothes off and i'm like oh i'm going to keep my clothes on and i go they go whoa i go dude i have like a normal penis for like i'm proportioned correctly like your [ __ ] is down to your knees and this was back in the city when i got back to brosserville and they're like bro you know why our dicks are so big i'm like why there's all these naked kids running around like because we never wear underwear and i'm like what like see the girl whose tits are down to their stomach never wear bra it's gravity bro everything just droops i'm like that's why your dicks are so big i'm still going to leave my underwear on like this takes too much time wait you've never you've never been africa no never been after dude i'm begging you i i know you're into the hunting and the bow hunting please like so when i texted you like does it have to do with anything africa man hunting in africa you mean so when i texted you the other day i saw that the last time i texted you was 2018 i was like dude i'm going to africa i'll see you when i get back that's right yeah and um okay this is the this is the yes yeah you're telling me this please very heavy so there's uh there's hunter-gatherer tribes in like the arctic papua new guinea the amazon africa but very few like they're almost gone there's very very few people that live off the land and i i just whenever the podcast went off the air and i and i ghosted i i just lost my mind i hit my rock bottom and very similar pattern of what i always do when things get rough is i just go to africa i go it's a weird thing to be like rich or be in a country that's rich or have stuff and some as an adult someone has to teach you gratitude like i hear you say it all the time i'm thankful i'm thankful i'm i'm grateful i go but i'm not i have everything and yet i [ __ ] complain like crazy i'm like i need to i need to get the [ __ ] out here i need to go someplace where where i can i can learn humility i can learn to be grateful so i get to i'm traumatized now by the congo i didn't even go into my second combo story when i went with vice that was even crazier with the [ __ ] chief try to kill us but um so congo is the heart of darkness i get why those books are written i get why people have these mind losing experiences out there because it is one of the [ __ ] darkest countries i've ever been so i don't want to go somewhere different this time do you know the european settlers they tried to live in the congo for a while i met one did you see the houses that they left behind dude when i got to this bantu village and uh chuck his name was chuck chuck if you're listening i know it's 20 years ago long blonde hair from oregon peace corps guy he got malaria while we were there and he goes please contact francois and i go who the [ __ ] is francois and he goes he's he's in the jungle and this is this isn't in the congo village is the bontu village and he goes you go down this tree and you go so it's he's deep in the in the but this is still near a village it's not you know so we go into the in the jungle and there's like a giant victorian french like european house in the middle of the [ __ ] jungle and i'm like how did this happen and he's like so we go in there and uh francois is just like like uh some [ __ ] weird french dude that just said i'm gonna stay here he had like 12 bantu wives there's all these like half black half white babies crawling around and he has a ham radio and he's like what's going on i'm like chuck is [ __ ] dying can he said to come contact you he's like okay i'll contact the aircraft carrier and they'll send a chopper in for him i was like oh [ __ ] but yeah that's that's the one time i saw a french victorian i don't even know how to describe the architecture it was like a beautiful french home in the middle of the [ __ ] congo jungle yeah there was a website dedicated to uh those people that tried to do that and it just detailed how it all went terrible for them the jungle just over came the house like you can't keep the jungle back it's too powerful there's too much there the jungle everything grows so quickly it's just [ __ ] i mean you'd have grass popping out through the middle of your floorboards and [ __ ] and trees trying to grow through the side of your sewage system like they're just it's just too much it's wild when my life when you just said too much like i just thought right now every time in my my i hit a rock bottom and my life gets too much i go back to africa so when someone says go back to where you come from maybe it's africa well we all do right we all do so i look at tanzania on the map and it's pretty close to the congo and i'm like [ __ ] am i ready for that and i heard from so many people how nice the tanzanians saw i went life-changing experience i meet i meet the hodza who you gotta understand this is how humans have been living for two million years and the odds have been in this area for 50 000 years and and uh i go same thing they're like who are you know are you tourists i go can i just like live with you guys for a little bit they're like they're they're so nice they're so welcoming they don't even um they don't even have like the words for like violence and hate and you know they're very present and um i go i i i my my life is falling apart like i i'm i'm mentally ill i'm bipolar i'm manic depressive i'm addicted to [ __ ] everything my disease is a disease of more i need more there's a bottomless pit i can never feel i just need to like run away that's that's my action my my action response to everything my whole life is to run away so i'm in africa no one's gonna [ __ ] find me here and i'm living with this tribe the hodza and they go so i say living but it's not really living because they're living in a cave they're hunting they're gathering i stayed there for a week doing the fake living i am in a tent i have a gen like these guys are carrying all this [ __ ] for me my water like truckloads of water and in that time i saw in one week how much trash i live leave behind like i don't see it here because it goes in the bin the trash man comes in one week these guys leave zero carbon footprint they come to a place they're nomadic they set up the shop they hunt they live and then they go to the next place i left a mountain of bottles toilet paper clif bar wrapper you know that's what i was eating there and i go this is sad one human being left a mountain of trash and i go what do we do and they're like we burn it we burned trash and i was like whoa environment and uh they go do you wanna do you wanna really live with us because one week in any kind of situation like that is it's just withdrawal right i mean i mean internet withdrawal phone withdrawal friend like just comforts of of normal like western society and i go [ __ ] it [ __ ] the tent the general i'm gonna live with you guys i'm just gonna [ __ ] you know so i'm in my [ __ ] underwear and i'm living on top of a rock in this cave and the oldest guy in the village is you know when he starts talking it's like uh i'm in like lion king or he's like when i was young and all you know i have a translator with me he's translating to swahili to english he's like elephants lions hippos like everywhere and like it was like a buffet we just wake up we could kill anything and in my lifetime that has been gone it's gone it's like there's very few animals left to hunt and the ones that are like they're endangered you can't kill them so life there is very very hard and they go you want to hunt with us and i'm like dude look at my body do i look like and um there was like a catholic uh priest that set up a mission in that area and he's been i met him he's been trying to convert the hadza to catholicism for 20 years and he's like they use the the bible pages to smoke weed so what do they hunt with bow and arrow like homemade bow and arrow homemade bow and arrow like like just they they take this wood and they spent all day making the arrows yup they use their teeth yeah i'll show you how they did i learned how to make it and then i they use their teeth to i think i know that guy that might be rasuli um and then they um there's a plant that they um they harvest and they they do all the stuff to it and then that's the poison that they put on the tip of the arrow and these guys yep there it is how crazy it is to think that this is how people hunted dude i lived the longest time dude i lived in a state of the art i lived like this for [ __ ] months man it was like so you did this as well dude so first first day of the hunt they're like did they teach you how to shoot a bow first dude my bow shooting is so off and um yeah so we practiced had you had shot a bow in the past i've never shot a bow in in my life there's one of these one of these guys see it it almost looks like a toy like you think it wouldn't work there's one guy in the village shawnee that's so strong that he could shoot the arrow through the [ __ ] kudu and i was like you're [ __ ] super back muscles oh my god they're [ __ ] ripped dude my god that guy is jacked they're ripped so they have really these are very strong bones so pulling them back is probably tremendous like back muscle everyone knows how to hunt the kids know how to hunt what are they using for the feathers at the end of i know that i know i think it's the one that's the which guy no yeah that guy yup i stayed with that guy whoa really yeah he's older now see the cuts on his face yeah i have that they cut my face yeah yeah i asked them too because i like paint for real but but look at that guy doesn't where's your cut it's almost gone now this was a damn dude but don't don't they look like supermodels like they're like really powerful cosmetics yeah i'm like just and also you got to think of the amount of effort they're it's like they're doing crossfit classes every day right i mean think about just getting by as a hunter-gatherer with a crazy bow that you have to pull back and you're running through the woods all the time like you have to be fit it's it's unbelievable then what a crazy way to live yeah look at that i mean walking in for the feathers for the fletchings do you know dude these [ __ ] are so in tune with nature that they'll go they'll make a bird sound and they're talking to the bird and the bird will show you where the honey is what like and then there's a pack of 50 dogs following us and the dogs aren't pets they're hunting tools right so the dogs are the first line of defense they sniff it out and i'm like this is this is mental right it's like oh like i'm on a [ __ ] insane experience right now never did i thought i would just wait why why am i going home so if i walk with one of the kids amazing it's a clicking language it's like like that kind of language did you learn any of it tiny bit and i did of course i did a podcast where i speak imagine if they take that out of context it turns out you're saying some really [ __ ] up [ __ ] i try you gotta be careful right if you're making up a language like you might accidentally hit on some real [ __ ] there i tried i tried just say one or two forbidden words so if i walk with one of the kids and it's like him giving me a tour of his house like oh come to joe's warehouse and he's showing me right he's like grabbing a snake biting his head off he's like you want some thing climbing a tree he just grabbed a snake and just he takes out his slingshot the rock a pebble this big bam hits a [ __ ] bush baby out of the tree breaks his leg breaks his legs puts it here it's like snack for later everything is talking they're it's like it looks like they're just goofing off and playing but they're they have like must they have um some uh what do you call it microbes and gut biome kind of things in their stomach that no one else on the planet has so the translator is explaining to me canadian uh science like scientists come and literally steal their [ __ ] they find them and they steal their [ __ ] and i'm like they're actual poop they're actual people to get their bio because there's biomes in there that don't exist anywhere secret to a healthier dude they might have hidden google steal african [ __ ] i bet you it'll come up see look there it is so this [ __ ] see the bees on his [ __ ] head they're lighting them up and he's eating the honey and it does nothing to him really so we go climb hey come on climb the tree guy sticks his [ __ ] hand in the tree scoops that out starts eating it like it's a [ __ ] hamburger bees and i'm like bro i'm cool no no no come on come on like we've been there's a kid doing this right that kid's i go in one sting my [ __ ] hand inflates to like a mickey mouse like it it's j i'm like you've been getting stung since you were a kid so you're like immune to it and they're just doesn't bother them it doesn't bother them they're they're fine with it and their body has also gotten immune to it right that's crazy they're biting that honeycomb like it's a snack and all those bees were on his head his hands and the thing you never see in all the national geographics and all the nature documentaries is that it's always serious and here's the hadzo warrior and here's you know whatever nate these guys crack you know they're like do you want to do you want to come with us tomorrow like none of your eating clif bars and hanging back like you want i'm like yeah i'm in okay we leave at first you know the second how are they saying this all to you i have the translator with me okay okay he he like works with them in the you know it's like worst case scenario when they they don't do food this is the sad part they do the fake show for the tourists like the tourists come in usually european and then they put on the fake it's not fake it's real but they dress up and do like dances and stuff and they give them money um so i wake up at you know 5 5 30. first noise and then laughter i'm like are these [ __ ] doing fart jokes at five in the morning and that's the thing that people don't realize is when you don't have tv internet entertainment and you're just with your family and your homies all day you're bored as [ __ ] so they joke morning till night like i don't know what they're saying laughter laughter someone cuts a fart joke and i'm like all right let's go so you saw the pictures they're ripped back muscles six packs the kids have six packs i was very out of shape i'm still out of shape but i was the most out of shape and think about waking up at 5 30 in the morning and the thing that's the the final animal that's like kind of left is baboons they call they almost call them in in that part of africa like the baboon men because that's what they eat tastes horrible to me baboons look human so we're in a cave men sleeping on the top ben women on the bottom wait wake up there's another cave and you see oh there's people on that cave no they're baboons and they're pointing at us they're pointing they're like look they're coming so i'm like this [ __ ] is crazy we're hunting baboons like there's tons of meat on them we're gonna it's enough to feed our family think about like running again i was pretty fast in high school i could do the 50 pretty quick i can't run at top speed for hours and and i got these i'm drinking water and in this environment it's an advantage to have black skin because it's cooling these guys aren't sweating i'm like what's going on we've been running for five hours you guys aren't sweating what the [ __ ] and they don't get tired and then they'll just start digging a hole and drink like like a handful of brown water and that's enough for them and i'm like dude what the [ __ ] like i and they're telling the translator this [ __ ] looks like he's never caught anything in his life and he's like he hasn't and to me i'm an alien right they go he he gets his food from supermarkets what's that they hunt the food for him they cut it up and package it and sell it like they don't believe it right the [ __ ] i tell them they're like hey you guys you look like a [ __ ] supermodel can i bring you to america and do a fashion thing and get you guys paid and why would we want to go to america well tell me what you know about america isn't that the place where people jump off buildings to kill themselves like that concept is so foreign that when someone explained suicide to them i was like oh my god they don't and in in the time that i'm there like i said that first week is withdrawal i'm like [ __ ] where's my phone and then all of it goes away right i'm not thinking about any of my addictions i'm not thinking about like i feel peace i'm not i'm not miserable my depression goes away and i go morning till night you wake up you hunt for food you get home celebration everyone's happy that the men brought the food back the women you know gathered the berries we have a big dinner celebration because every meal you got to be grateful for dance party by the fire and you're out a couple fart jokes and you're out repeat the next day there's no time to be like bored and sad and upset and been worried about some [ __ ] and so i'm trying to keep up with these guys you know they're they're running at top speed like say this is um say these are the baboons on top of the they're doing a perimeter they're doing them and okay we're going to come up all the sides and the and the and the dogs are on the forefront right they're running faster there's a guy named he's got some dreads he's uh he's the the villain the tribe we pothead he's got the bible he's rolling joints for everyone he's about 50 feet behind you know he's running at like a he's not doing this he's like he's got i'm maybe like two 300 feet behind this guy so they're they're trying to like you know come on so he's running and rolling joints he's running rolling joints and and have you done any running before this not really man i'm a sprinter i i don't i can't i don't have all the time you're doing this for hours oh my god i almost blacked out how many miles you think you were running dude because they're like going back and forth we're like i'm like dude i'm just gonna chill here they just run everywhere run everywhere just running and you know they don't some of them have shoes like they make homemade shoes but some of them don't so it's just barefoot and i'm they're run it's the it's the dry bush right so there's like plants that have like thorns and like it looks like this on them just like that white scratch to me i'm getting cut open i'm like bleeding everywhere ah their skin's tough and they're just [ __ ] they're just clowning they're clowning me they're like bro how did you ever survive and i'm like i'm like come on come on guys i put a gopro on the dog so i go back and i watch it the baboon is like a human like it's talking get the [ __ ] away from me the [ __ ] away the baboon's running the dog [ __ ] you they hunt him with dogs he gets hit right here he's bleeding so he's leaving a trail of blood that [ __ ] hypes up the tribe let's go we got him he's hit the dog gets his nutsack rips his [ __ ] dick off i'm running the guy holds up his nuts he's like look we got the nuts and i'm like why are you showing me that he's like he's we're getting close they finally [ __ ] hit the guy like sort of here and and they're saying the guy too you're not just saying the baboon you're saying it hit the guy it looks human man god it does right it looks real close he backs into a tree like a dog human though yeah and and all the dogs the dogs are dope i love these dogs so much they're all hunting dogs so they all have scars and [ __ ] tails missing like because the baboons have fangs yeah they pick the dogs up and they rip a chunk off oh my god and these dogs are so hardcore that there's a dog that had one leg missing there's a dog that you could see his ribs and they're still down to hunt oh my god like they're in the back with me but they're still like i i want to show value that you know because i i talked i interviewed each person in the tribe and i said what is the happiest day of your life and they all had the same answer the day that i hunted the biggest animal and i got to feed everyone and i was the hero and so i'm all baboons for how long how long have they been only hunting baboons i mean it's been for a few years now i mean they'll hunt anything they'll kill anything right and they'll there's nothing left but baboons just recently it's getting to just that and even even then because this day that that day that i was on my first hunt because there was many days we hunted where we didn't catch anything and that's like super downer for them but this is my first hunt i had the gopro the guy shot he backs into a tree like his last stand and the dogs just start ripping his guts out and start [ __ ] you know and i'm watching this and he's like and it's like he's going [ __ ] you [ __ ] you and he's just like he's like picking dogs up throwing them oh my god and then just come up and they go right in his chest he's dead this is all on gopro i wasn't even close i was like i was like wait up guys [ __ ] they tie the the foot and the leg and they make a backpack that's how they carry it so they caught four that day so they bring it back to the village i i don't know if you saw in that picture i brought my top ramen with me so i was like they don't waste a part of this thing the person that killed it gets to eat the dick in the balls they eat the head they eat the brains they turn the fur into like jackets and um they just they eat the brains dude so at night i thought i thought dinner time was over but think about it how much protein and nutrition is in the brain right and it's the final thing right they stew the head that's in that pot and so the brain gets cooked and then it's like a delicacy at the end they like tap a hole in and it's you know they have black skin like i remember like it was fire it was in the cave it's nighttime and i hear i just hear eating and i turn my my flashlight on and i see like the whole tribe just chowing the brains at the end they're like this is our favorite part and they save it for the end yeah and they're just like and then so it's all those white brains like streaked on their face and i'm like yo you want to get in on this give me some of that brain so i had some brain did you really i ate everything i mean it's there it is oh my god doesn't that look like a person that's so intense so once the fur is not on the screen no yeah good once well let me just say this if that's how hardcore this picture is right you can find it you can find it easily look for like like you want to talk up this is life or death this is you know what this is i understand so when when but i'm saying um it is intense and there is a thing about primate brains right um prions prion diseases that you get uh they find them in cannibals there's something about eating a human smoking weed humans eating human brains oh so they did get a bird there yeah so sometimes they get birds too so i am but they're eating mostly baboons i eat i tasted it i wasn't eating it i'm like i have a million clif bars in my backpack i know that is so intense there's the dogs seeing that guy carry a baboon on his back like the way you're describing is so intense they got a some sort of an antelope or something there and then they're drinking out of that water but they're smoking weed with the bible dude look at this [ __ ] guy um so i'm i i pass out there's nothing left in the gas tank i pass out and the next day i'm like okay like like i'm becoming a man they're like did you eat the actual baboon meat as well i ate the baboon meat it's not for me it's and i eat everything what it tastes like i've never eaten a human but i'm imagining that's what a human would taste like it was just i don't know gamey that's the only it's it was just it was strong but um well you got to think of the physical strength of those animals to how tough their meat must be and all the testosterone and everything is being released it didn't taste good but they loved it they love the they're happy you know steve vanello no stephen nell is the host of uh the tv show meat eater and he went to um i'm trying to remember where it was somewhere in south america and they they ate monkeys there and he had some of it and he said it was uh it's like they smoke it and then they cook it in like a stew and it's like smoked turkey they did that to the head but there he is there's um so they're eating this monkey in uh they're chewing on it like that's that's intense man bolivia that is [ __ ] intense like seeing someone chewing on a monkey leg is intense you know yeah there's just something about it where it's like that's our cousins that's next level i mean there's something about it it's like this is this is life life or death it's crazy how much we but we think that way about mammals in general because if you get to deer like people are way sadder when they see a dead deer then they see a dead fish there's something about like mammals right right like we don't give a [ __ ] about a dead turtle when they throw that thing on the fire and you see all the fur burn off and oh he's like in the christ pose it looks like human so the next day i'm like all right i'm i'm getting my endurance up and they're like we think you're more of a gatherer why don't you hang back today like because they were like humoring me right i was like okay okay and i brought all my art supplies with me and the kids are like they use the beeswax and they make little sculptures and they take little you know i'm like these kids are awesome so i fell in love with the kids i'm like i'll adopt all of you i'll bring they're like we have parents i was like all right so i brought all these art supplies with me i got markers i got watercolor and you know there it's we're in the desert it's all brown so i mean not the desert we're in the bush everything's brown and so i got all these bright blues and reds and the kids went nuts like when you give kids art supplies like and i'm just watching them like this is [ __ ] amazing and the day just went by i just gave art lessons and like to someone who's never seen art supplies that must be [ __ ] insane and i'm yeah and i'm asking them like what you know and they're drawing like the hun they're drawing because they've never seen tv they've never they don't have any of the visual like stuff that we grew up on so everything is pure from that perspective and in my head i'm like i cannot wait to get home and show this to people and maybe we can do prints and books and sell it and help you guys and they go okay they show you know everyone comes back from the hunt they show and they go we're on top of this this cliff the cave and they just throw it hey what the [ __ ] you guys doing man i was gonna you know in my head it's like come home frame it you know there's a memory of my time there they're like oh nomadic you don't guys we were present we created it we lived it we enjoyed it bye bye like what am i gonna walk around with the [ __ ] canvas and paper and i was like damn dude this [ __ ] is these people are next level and so that's a different world well that's why i'm saying like i was like man now i got this experience i feel good i'm going to go home and i'm like why am i going to go home like i'm [ __ ] falling in love with these people they're showing me how [ __ ] up i am and like what i and so i just stayed there i just stayed there about how long stayed there for a few months i bought a huge piece of land i work with um if anyone that's listening right now is interested it's uh hadza h-a-d-z-a dot org and you can you can if you want to like sponsor a kid or you want to see how they live and because it's this is it this is the end for them like it might already be the end like i don't know if anyone listening has tanzania contacts like this way of life is pretty much over like in there's less than a thousand hadza left yeah these are the guys i stayed with they're [ __ ] amazing um and and uh dude will you come yes what do you go to africa is that what you're saying yeah i thought you meant come to like the movie premiere um dude please please i your your daughters your wife will [ __ ] love it like you don't and here's the thing we could set it up where you don't have to like i gave you like the [ __ ] heart malaria tour yeah you take malaria pills you're not going to get malaria and you can't do that for kids though you could malaria medication so i meant good i met a spanish german couple there that has like a nice kind of bed and breakfast kind of thing like not in the that area but a little bit away and the guy raises his kid like at nice private schools in germany and then in on the summer times he comes and the kids in their underwear run around and they hunt with the tribe and i'm like this is life changing your [ __ ] kids look at these kids yeah look at how look at they're all smiling having like the [ __ ] time of their life look at the dogs look at the dog yeah hodza.org how many baboons do you think you ate while you were there i'm telling i'm being honest with you i just it a little bit and then i go into my my my little cubby hole and eat my clif bars so you only ate their meals look at that i painted the oh my god them biting a chunk off the baboon's head oh jesus dude i mean it's it's it's crazy to think that it's like the cure to like future medicines and [ __ ] might be in these guys as [ __ ] and then they're gonna be crazy dude it's [ __ ] insane like we met those scientists that are collecting that data out there um [ __ ] i can't remember her name well obviously neither one of us is a biologist but if you think about it if you're living like in a completely uh natural way in the middle of i mean what a crazy biosphere there's so much life there yeah there's so much so much life there that you gotta imagine there's so much bacteria life too right and if you survived to 2020 like your ancestors got you to 2020 living like that like you have to be robust so all those people that do live there they're probably just a superior version any one of those guys could have been a supermodel because when they take their shirt off they're [ __ ] ripped and the guy shawny that i said when he hits a a kudu like the big with the arrow it goes all the way through and i'm like the other one other guys in the tribe when they hit it it hits the animals they're [ __ ] shrek dude they look like those guys in the center that's insane they're [ __ ] shredded they look like jiu jitsu dude they're [ __ ] amazing they do those guys well you gotta think man i mean the the amount of physical activity and exercise but probably their endurance is like never waning right running doing it and i'm sitting there and i'm i'm thinking with my western brain dude if i take you back you guys are going to be the toast of the town fashion models if if someone trains your bose thing like you could be in the olympics or maybe you could be a [ __ ] baseball player or well how about runners from there runners from parts there's one part of africa in particular that's responsible for a tremendous amount of long-distance runners and they had a um radio lab podcast about it and they said that it was because of their ability to endure pain that they had a ritual when they were a coming-of-age ritual where they would uh circumcise the men like with a dull knife and have them crawl naked through like thorns like they did they did some hard core [ __ ] to these guys when they were young to get them to just be able to endure pain in a way that most people just incapable of they've developed a tolerance to pain because some of the rituals the the episode is called cut and run it's really crazy because this guy talks about it but he also says because he had gone through it himself and he also said he doesn't want to do it to his son he wouldn't want his son to do that it's like it's you don't have to do it it's too hard but that it makes sense man it does make sense it just makes total sense just because i think i look i'm not a long distance runner but those people that are they say it's all about your mind right it's all about being able to endure the pain right and some people can and some people can't and if you're a person who's grown up dealing with pain it's a part of your culture you know you got to be hard as [ __ ] to make it in the congo dude hard as [ __ ] to make it in tanzania you got to be hard as [ __ ] those people like you got to think of all of those different obstacles their ancestors have overcome to get them to 2020 living a nomadic life in the jungle holy [ __ ] man i mean you can't be lazy you can't be slow you can't be stupid you you have to be able and you're taught to be able to maneuver in that world from the time you're a baby joe you can't just read about it you've got to live it what is the fear like that you might get malaria or something i'm really high i took a bunch of uh hits of that blunt during this podcast you too jamie you [ __ ] you're coming too jamie's not leaving this apartment you're crazy i'm gonna i'll make it so it's the most the best we'll talk for your family we'll talk about it after the show i'm going to keep because dude like i love it when people bugged me about things i say no to but please keep going i thought you like bow hunting man i'm not going over there if i did that i would only go over there let's like you know just observe come to observe if i did if i went to hunt over there i would do it because that's what i wanted to live off of i wanted to eat it like you can't i don't think you bring it back no no we didn't donate we were tribes we would eat it yeah trust me we would eat it it would get eaten everything there gets eaten yeah i talked to a dude once who uh shot an elephant over there i was like whoa like why and then he said well first of all the reason why they do it in the first place is because some of these elephants will make their way into towns and start eating in the village and eating all their crops and so they want someone to come and shoot it and i'm like oh man like that's a crazy argument like there's there's certain animals that i feel way worse when they die and elephants there's something about elephants elephants are cute that's it's they're not just cute man they're dinosaurs there's something majestic about yeah they're [ __ ] amazing they could crush you and they they're genuinely pretty cool they're so cool strangers like regular tourists are allowed to climb on them in thailand and ride them through the jungle you ever meet michael jackson the uh the singer yeah no so i got to meet him close to before he died and i got to go to neverland ranch whoa the the mismanagement of the animals there is like the they were already gone by the time i got there but where he used to keep the elephants the bars are like this thick and the elephants were so like depressed and and you know just from like they didn't have an actual zookeeper that knew how to handle him so they would just keep him locked up and like not the elephants would [ __ ] head bang the bars these bars are like this thick and they'd be bent like this oh my god i'm like man these [ __ ] things are dinosaurs they're all so intelligent yeah they're really smart they're smart yeah they're smart they have feelings they feel things like have you ever seen that they taught them to paint yeah i've seen that that's awesome how crazy is that i mean that thing is painting itself i love that here's my question do you think they taught it we we actually talked about this jamie didn't we like do you think they actually taught him to make that shape or do you think they taught him to paint himself right like if you if you could show an elephant like this is the shape i want you to make and it's the shape of an of an elephant if you drew it for him and you said recreate that i give you fruit he recreates that you give him fruit right that's a little different than if he looks at you and starts drawing an image of you because that's we were led to believe that the elephant was thinking of itself and drawing what an elephant looks like right it's just a slightly less impressive thing that it might just be emotion that it's taught to make but the way you look at it like you go no it's too good it's too good like the elephant has a little talent like it's a like i would buy an elephant painting you should just to know that an elephant did it but i don't want the elephants to have to be forced to work right right right you want the elephant to want to yeah paint paint it i'm glad the elephant just leave these paints here and if you want to do it yes like exactly like if the elephant was living a chill life i went to a elephant rescue place in thailand a couple years back and um they rescued these elephants and released them back into the wild successfully wow they've done it with several i think they said seven at the time that i was there but they basically take elephants from like a circus or a zoo and they rehabilitate them and they they they have them out here there's like piles of sugar cane you could feed him sugarcane wow and this thing is like this big it's head's this big and i'm i'm petting it and i'm just feeding it sugarcane but they're so gentle right that strangers like me i just met him right but if you wanted to you could do just you just you're a beer can man you just stomp you [ __ ] yeah pile drive you he do whatever he wants to he's so big and then when you you feed them and you wash them and you hang out with them and then they'll let you ride them like you developed like a little bond with them it's interesting man because like you you're hanging out with this elephant and you're feeding them and he goes to you to try to eat and then you petting them and then you could wash them and he's enjoying it he's enjoying that you're doing this and then then after all that then you ride them i don't like the riding part if i had to do it all over again i'd be like i'm good i'll meet you guys at the end i don't want to worry i don't want to ride them but i get that it's but it's fascinating and they're they don't give a [ __ ] like you weigh nothing you you're a baseball hat to them what's the uh prehistoric what's the mastodon is that the the snuffaloffice guy from oh wells wooly mammoth there's two different ones yeah so when you're when you're in the presence of something so majestic you're like you can believe yeah there's a dinosaur oh 100 well it would be a dinosaur if it didn't exist right like if an elephant didn't exist and someone talked about it giant right giant white teeth that come up up into the sky it's enormous it's as big as a house what i love the babies they're so cute yeah people who if you didn't know what an elephant was and someone was describing it didn't exist and someone's describing it to you right they said it was off in the jungle somewhere you'd be like what right what is it a leftover dinosaur you know we were trying to figure out the other day we forgot to check how old are crocodiles we were saying that crocodiles are dinosaurs but the dinosaurs supposedly were killed off 65 million years ago right are crocodiles something that actually survived before them how old does this say they are 200 million years old holy [ __ ] those dirty [ __ ] made it through the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs those are those are dinosaurs they are prehistoric yeah if they're if it's 200 million years ago i mean of course they're dinosaurs of course they are right jamie are there uh crocodiles that paint i was looking up so that there's one the one elephant that that way you know the viral video of it it's got it's painting in really good detail yeah but right there's there's oh wow that has no way lots of elephant this is like the the conservation elephant art.com so these things are way different okay it's like the picasso is there some cheating going on i mean that's what i'm saying right i was saying maybe he's the michael jordan of uh elephant painters but there was one or two i was like digging through here that was painting like flowers with stems and petals and leaves the rest of this is just like you should see the video play dave the video because the video is interesting so the painting elephant the uh look he's carrying his supplies up and look it does the whole outline itself like no one's guiding it great composition look at that good stuff you're not seeing you're just seeing the trunk is there someone behind it with a stick tape to it like sort of moving it i don't think so i think back here it does show you oh okay all right it's zoomed out yeah i don't think so i think it's got skills man control like look it knows how to outline the ear that makes me feel like it's almost been classically trained though like look how thick the line is of the ear and then it sort of tapers off speaking of painting or are you painting at all no why don't you paint man i never paint i've draw i used to draw a lot i know that i didn't i never i've never really gotten into painting not that i i don't think it's awesome i just look i come to your place you have these [ __ ] paintings everywhere yeah i've seen your tattoos that you that you like to draw you like to draw werewolves you talk all day yeah don't you want to do something where you don't have to talk and it's still expressing yourself and you like art i do sometimes i still scribble i i draw things sometimes but mostly um my days are busy because this is like the best way to like archery i like archery for calming down okay because that just makes me [ __ ] just focus on a target and i just really it's a very zen thing to do i'm gonna send some art supplies to texas you just leave them there okay dude it's like the elephant okay i'm not gonna force you to do it okay they're just there and if you want to then you do it okay i do love drawing still to this day but i've really never i've been drawing a lot lately but i'm i recognize my limitations because whatever particular mental mental health problems that i have i get obsessed with things and i i don't have the time to get obsessed with painting oh i see so if i if i draw like i i've been drawing since i was a kid it's not like a new thing new things are dangerous to me you sound like me now it's true well that's why i i walked away from from podcasting i just i i go i know what this means to me i know what kind of person i am like i'm all in like this is like i'll never paint again like this is going to take over my life and then i remember i went on the stern show same thing like five six years ago and i i was like i don't even know what i said i was completely like out of my mind and scott rudin's assistant heard it the hollywood producer guy and he heard the show send the tape to scott rudin i got a call from scott rudin he's like i need to turn your life into a television show it's like it's it's too un like it's unbelievable like it's like i've never heard that like you're in the congo you're in jail you're this like we gotta turn this into a show so i'm 38 i don't know something like that like [ __ ] i made it i'm gonna be famous i'm gonna be on tv and i i was like man i got a [ __ ] podcast that's gonna be huge i'm gonna be on tv i'm doing the [ __ ] uh news for vice we just got an emmy i'm a painter i i got every [ __ ] thing i do turns to gold i'm the best like i'm i'm uh multitasking i can do it all and at the time is when i got introduced to bourdain and and and scott and scott had this deal with hbo he's like what kind of show you want i'm like i love kirby enthusiasm i like eastbound and down i like stupid irreverent comedy i'm like make me look like [ __ ] make me the heel just [ __ ] clown on me make every episode just whatever story i tell you do the worst worst [ __ ] version of it and they're like okay i get the hollywood lawyers and the [ __ ] thing and i'm like mom i'm gonna be on tv and i'm having lunch at chateau marmont i just met bourdain and chateau marmont's like the hipster hollywood thing where even celebrities get left alone not bourdain in one lunch and you must get this all the time now i sorry i see you guys are having lunch i just got to tell you what you mean to me and he's gracious every time thank you thank you can i get a picture can you sign my book oh can i get another picture for you know lunch is interrupted 20 30 40 i don't know every every five minutes someone's coming to the table oh i know and i go is this how do you get milk how do you he's like he's like everything just takes longer dave just takes longer now and i'm like wait let me let me let me do a quick scan of my life right now i get lots of women i got i i can eat at any restaurant and and i have no wants or desires everything's handled and i have just the amount of little bit of fame for my art where like no one's bothering me when i walk down the street once in a while i'm at a supermarket and someone's like dvd i say and that's it i have it why am i so i i walked away from that deal and at the same time i've been flirting with it bourdain he wasn't going to do it forever and he started grooming me roy choi david chang to kind of take over for him he's like you're you've had it wasn't like a huge step for me because i've already been doing that and i think that's how we connected he's like you know i have thumbs up which is a travel show where i [ __ ] with people and i go meet people over the planet you have yours millions of people watch your show 10 people watch your show but um you can do it with like an art twist you know and i sat there and i was like [ __ ] bro i don't know if i want your life i don't know if i want this you know i had that moment of clarity and all the chaos of i need another thing in my life to show people that the gambling wasn't a fluke the art wasn't a fluke that that i'm not just lucky that i'm talented that i am enough and the anger is like oh i'm going to be on [ __ ] tv now i'm going to [ __ ] kill it and i was like my life's pretty dope right now i don't know and dope like on the surface like underneath you know i'm just a cauldron of suffering but i said i think i'm not gonna i'm not gonna take this one and uh scott if you're out there i'm sorry like we we walked away from that project and then um that's interesting just because you saw the what the repercussions of the fame part well it's isn't it bill murray quote i want to be rich and famous and he goes why don't you just try rich first and see if you want to add the famous to it or something like that it's like you deal with that now right yeah i mean people just some people see what what other people have and they wish it was them like i remember being a comic in the beginning the early days um when i was you know just coming up and opening for people i remember seeing people that would be excited to see a comedian i'd be like wow that's [ __ ] crazy like the person this person i know people want to meet him right they want to see him like man why what do i have to do like there's a part of you at 21 years old right like what the [ __ ] do i have to do to to be like that guy so what is your life like now with like the last time i saw you i mean you've been famous since i've known you but it's exploded since then can you go to the restaurant can you go to restaurants most people are nice most people are friendly so how do you deal with the great joe rogan experience changed my life like say what's up what's up what's up nice to meet you just keep walking moving nice to meet you i gotta get out of here but most people are cool they want they just want to say hi hi is fine man nothing wrong i love it i'm happy i i love that people enjoy it but it's a mind [ __ ] and you got to be careful it is a mind [ __ ] mind [ __ ] is it's a like just meeting people that know you and you don't know them that's not a normal state for human beings it's weird no it's not you know so someone said it best once and i took this on early on that like you meet like you have to have a like reset like the the real problem like sometimes people get upset and they meet too many people but i'm like we gotta have a reset like every person is a new person like this is the first time you ever did they don't it's not their fault you met three people in a row on your way to the bathroom this is still the first time they're meeting you but you could get stuck in a spot too though right you go to a bar where everybody's a little drunk and then you're mobbed and then people want to take pictures and hug you and do you think that's going to be more or less in texas i don't know man i think if i thought like that i would never do anything you'd never take any chances never do anything different i'm jealous man i think it's i think i need to get the [ __ ] out of la man i was born and raised here i'm angelino i think for everybody we're all realizing because this pandemic that there's uh pros and cons to cities but when [ __ ] gets ugly there's a lot of cons there's a lot of cons to being overcrowded right and there's a lot of i mean there's also a little bit of a problem with the just the sheer amount of people if the virus is spreading right because there's so many of us we're in the hot spot we're in the middle of it right now yeah and there's so many of us you know do you see the herman cain thing no herman cain the guy who ran for president he uh just died of coronavirus and this is after he had went to a one of them trump rallies um one of his campaign rallies with no mask on and then it was i think he was admitted to the hospital ten days after that right is that what it was it's a rough way to go man do it this shit's crazy it's crazy you know what it's like dude it's like it's like 10 different diseases like you talk to one person it seems like no big deal the other person tells you they're still not well four months later they've got neurological diseases one person's mom beat it in a day the other person do you remember um in the 80s when aids like yeah like people didn't understand it yet did you speak in a's i have to pee so bad i drank so much water before this so let's pause this is not speaking of aids okay you were making an aids joke i was i just have to pee we'll be right back ladies and gentlemen i just drank too much water my apologies no worries welcome to real talk with david cho i didn't i didn't uh um we'll get back to eights but i didn't i didn't i didn't dye my hair um because i'm uh trying to like empathize with gingers or whatever it's cause i'm going bald and it sucks i'm 44 i'm a middle aged man now i like to think that i'm like a young free spirit but i'm starting to thin up here and i go what are my options right now shave your head shave your head yeah comb over man bun hat uh hair plugs hair transplant propecia wig sewed right into your [ __ ] skull dude i've never thought about it because shave your head i swear to god i wish when i first started going bald i would just shave my head from the beginning but my my answer to it was try to dye your hair the same color as your skin so people don't see your bald spot and then i said and then i have like a a dark week where i'm just like i'm fat i couldn't keep up with the tribes the hanzo tribe that's still feeling old and well it's when you go i haven't seen you in a while you look [ __ ] great man like like you're always been in shape but i i've tried trainers before even like i think i told you last time and thank you for talking me out of becoming a ufc fighter my special you know the korean zombie yes and i go why did i why do they call him that it's like because he can take a punch in it oh yeah he just keeps going that's my special skill every [ __ ] fight i've been in my life that and i've lost most of them i think i told you that i never tap out like you have to break my arm you have to i've had my face disfigured so i don't know that was stupid i i'm not gonna go into ufc fighting but i go i when i think of myself as a person i i remember myself being relatively athletic in shape and when i go oh my hair is going i'm being fat i can't run as fast as i can i need a trainer i need help but what kind of trainer do i need the one like you where they're like hey every morning here sort of like sergeant drills style or more hey dave like so i went with both i went with the hard ass that shows up at my house dave out of bed i don't give a [ __ ] runs me till i puke how was that one lasted a week out done how many days a week were you trying to have them on three monday wednesday friday and after friday like get the [ __ ] out of here i just was like this isn't my style like let me try this the like soft spoken so i got this lady claire shout out to claire and she she would i told her i know myself i don't like to be uncomfortable like i run from discomfort like right i want to get in shape but if you push me too hard i'm an artist i'm a sensitive being i don't i'm not i'm not trying to get into like fighting shape just get me somewhat relatively healthy and then i sort of dropped off with that too and then the pandemic didn't help so i'm sitting here and in my brain i'm like i have a [ __ ] fire in me i know i can [ __ ] you know if i i thought when we were starting the hunt with the tribe i was like i'm gonna keep up with them and i did in the beginning it's right in the front with the the head guy we're running nona that's his name and uh and then i dropped off and and of course you dropped off but i'm like run every day you're gonna drop off that's just part of being a human i mean it doesn't matter all this fire in your heart [ __ ] listen everybody feels that like there's a reality to physical fitness and performance and the big reality is you got to put in work and recover can i tell you how it takes forever can i tell you how i feel when i listen to the joe rogan experience because i leave you on all the time when i'm painting i was listening to when i painted the thing of you is i do feel extreme gratitude because i'm like even though i've listened to joe for hundreds of hours now and there's tons of stuff i do disagree with him thank god he exists he doesn't have much of an ego he like you've always uplifted me promoted me all your friends um you have a great sense of humor and where the [ __ ] was i going with this i don't know but you're making me uncomfortable oh i love it um [ __ ] where was i going like this this is what i'm talking about with the memory and [ __ ] we're talking about the tribes and then we're talking about uh how soft we are and we were talking about how they have awesome poop and people trying to steal that poop i don't know maybe i'll remember it but it's not funny that you would think that someone's poop like i know how to become like him oh this is oh we're talking about feelings oh feelings so i and you know i love you and i love you too thanks man i got really uncomfortable and i and and you have such [ __ ] powerful people on here that are smart that are inspiring that i start to feel self-conscious and and you have like david gawkins on it's like dude this fat guy that just turned his life around and then i start to really feel less of a man self-conscious like a failure i'm like [ __ ] man if i just if i just pulled myself up by my bootstraps and i just got oh who's who's speaking right now [ __ ] you [ __ ] [ __ ] the [ __ ] up oh [ __ ] okay okay and you know which dave was that that's the dave that tells me i'm a [ __ ] that's drill sergeant dave yeah the drill sergeant dave is you know i got diagnosed with severe anti-social personality disorder traits and i said what does that mean why don't have the actual disorder and they're like cause we've never met anyone that's so [ __ ] hard on themselves like what's the first thought when you meet anybody like friend foe anyone it's [ __ ] you that you think that all day [ __ ] this guy [ __ ] you who the [ __ ] [ __ ] but the the strange thing about you is you actually have friends and people like you and you have a lot of people that love you and you love a lot of people so we can't diagnose you with the actual disorder but you [ __ ] have a lot of so you would see people and just say [ __ ] you immediately that would be your i have such insane abandonment issues my parents sent me away since i was a kid so i have a really weird thing with authority or even anyone saying hey david are you open to a suggestion yeah sure let me hear it and the second they opened their mouth i'm like [ __ ] you you don't [ __ ] know me you don't [ __ ] know me you don't and it's like so um that's so funny so i listened to your show and i'm like damn dude joe [ __ ] did this he's got all these inspirational people that turn their life around like why the [ __ ] do i still have a gut why can't i and why why am i still depressed why am i still addicted to this why am i why can't i get off the [ __ ] internet why like i was talking to you a little bit about the video game stuff right yeah yeah when i was in my mid-20s people couldn't wait for warcraft 3 to come out it was like the new [ __ ] coming out i remember right they're like it's going to come out and they delayed it and it finally came out and i didn't i didn't have any money then and i got warcraft 2. and warcraft 2 the interface for the kids out there listening um it's like god interface like you're little peasants and paladins and you're moving them around where warcraft 3 is more 3d what the [ __ ] i'm explaining video games um and i got on there and because the entire world was waiting for warcraft 3 no one was playing warcraft 2. so i was the god of warcraft 2. you know when you go on online games you get a game really quick uh-huh this was back in the this is like 20 years ago so wait i'm 24. yeah it's like 20 years ago so i'd get on the game and i'd be waiting i'd start a map and i'm like who wants to play and i'd wait and i have to wait for people to join my career was just getting started i was in a wonderful relationship with this woman and that i dated for seven years my life was like on the up and up and this thing completely took over my life have you ever seen this documentary called web junkies about um the internet problem in china i haven't seen that but i'm aware of the problem it's 2000 it's a documentary from 2014 and it starts with a kid just crying and they're like why are you crying and so china had declared pc rooms internet video game addiction a national emergency so they said it's okay we set up these centers and you could either poison or drug your kid and just drop them off there like or you could lie to them and tell them they're going to like a camping trip and then just drop them off there and then they stay there for 90 days because that's and it's like a prison and these the start of the movie yeah look at the kid crying you see that wow so so they they can't stop playing video games they can't stop watching porn they can't function so this thing in the movie at some point i'll spoil it they escape like like from uh is this a documentary yeah it's a documentary they escape from the mad house at one point like the kids you know they form a plan and they where do they go they go to the pc room down the street they just can't they can't stop so wow it almost looks like a independent film that's why i asked to visit no it's a documentary the way they've shot it is very interesting because for me you know me i don't smoke i don't drink i don't do any of that but i [ __ ] i've been to over a thousand aaa meetings and i don't drink what people why do you do that i'm like because i can't stop porn i can't stop video games i can't start stop gambling and i know that they have meetings for that too but they're harder to find they're more shameful there's less people and if i go to aa room and i'm talking and there's a guy speaking about how he got clean from alcohol i just listen to him and every time he says alcohol i replace it with porn video game and i and i and i'm like and not just that i'll do that in the last case ditch scenario but i'll i'll go to all the meetings i go to all the [ __ ] meetings and so i'm sitting on warcraft 2 and i'm and i'm something's missing from my life and my rage and my anger and all my my addictions and my my mental illnesses are coming out in this warcraft game and i find this map that's perfect it's a small map and it's called paintball and it's just everyone dies everyone has one hit point so one hit and you're dead so it's more like a like a chess speed ball game so the games don't last more than 15 minutes you have one peasant one paladin and one wizard and i killed at that game i killed ev and and and within five minutes you know like the way it goes you bring down a blizzard storm and you build a cannon tower or whatever and you know if you're gonna win and this is before five minutes because it's a fast game everything moves fast and you don't have to wait for the wood to chop it's really fast and never [ __ ] with those games i didn't have the this was before the ear pieces so within five minutes the game is sort of on auto so you know it's like who can do the things the fastest then i start talking [ __ ] i'm going to skull [ __ ] your parents you dumb [ __ ] this is a kid like oh my god and i'm like like all you know the way people talk like all their demons come out right and these and i'm playing kids and they're like why what is a skull [ __ ] and i'm like like i am a horrible person and then one day i was the king of this map like in this one area in my life where my art career is kind of going good but not really and i don't know how to be in a relationship and i'm just sort of lost in my my mid-20s i don't know who the [ __ ] i am i don't in this game i am god i'm god like and i'll go out and i'll be checked out i'll be out with my friends hours a day playing this game i'm not going to lie it would be like all day i'd be like oh i got to go work and so it's the first time in my lifetime 10 hours a day 12 like 16 18 hours 20 hours a day so i would play this game and i would lie i started lying i started lying to my friends about what i was doing and when i was out i'd be checked out they'd be talking about hey what this new thing we're going to go here and i'd be like ice storm i storm you know it's like dude you're laughing and i could laugh with you today because it's [ __ ] 20 years ago but at the time i had i i had i don't want to admit to you that i played the [ __ ] game 20 hours a day i'd be like yeah i played eight hours well you no listen i know i had a video game edition i know hardcore one right so i get it i get it but but see we're older guys i meet kids today i was talking to a kid the other day he's 20 years old and he said he said i can't get hard and i'm a virgin and i and and i said wait hold on back up guys like you and me like older dudes all have the same story of how we saw our first pornography it's always print right it's always it's playboy hustler exactly it's always print it's a naked photo on a piece of paper you never had a whole bit about how we would find it in the forest like yeah it's in the forest it's in your parents garage stepfather's garage that's our generation that's what we found and then the first time you saw porn how old were you like physical porn like with the moving the moving uh i was in junior high so 13 14. i think i was probably around there too maybe maybe i was 14. and pixelated right it's on the on the show time with the no i saw scrambling tape i saw a vhs tape that was the first time i ever saw it my head [ __ ] exploded [ __ ] couldn't believe you could see it's crazy because you had never seen anybody [ __ ] before then like you kind of knew what vaginas looked like because the playboy and breasts look like but there's something about watching people actually have sex like your whole body take it when you're a 14 year old kid and you see that it's like a drug right like a a drug it's not it's not like a drug it is it is a drug drug i mean for the kids out there just don't take it in a pill or a smoke form but it's a drug we live in a society today where we have a strip club a drug dealer a casino it's all right here you don't have to leave you remember the vhs tapes that were in the oh yeah so i live in a house a small house three brothers me my older brother my younger brother and my head exploded because i saw scrambled porn at my friend alejandro's place i was like i think i could see a two people don't even know what you're saying when you say scrambled it's like it's like a it's like my new paintings there's like glitch like you see a tit or whatever but it used to be let's just explain there used to be there were certain channels you couldn't get to and you doubt your parents would have to subscribe to showtime right but you take like hbo over an hbo showtime package you would decide well let's just get hbo right we can only afford cinemax but there were some of those channels like they'd call cinemax skin and max right because there's some of those right because there was so much they were like um they were like fake movies with an excuse to show like soft core action but you didn't see penetration no like the first time i saw penetration was when i think i was 14 i don't remember who got the video but some one of my friends got a porn an actual porn and we were watching it like in stunned disbelief like what in the [ __ ] right and so that what in the [ __ ] i see the scrambled porn and i can't function as a normal human now i'm 13 14 years old scrambled i live in a two-bedroom house with two like three boys that are all hitting puberty and and i i go i need more i need more whoa so i go i wear my dad's trench coat i walk into a uh adult bookstore on uh la brea in like highland and uh sorry uh santa monica it's where trejo's tacos is right now because i wanted to look like an adult you know i'm like a [ __ ] like zitty asian kid and i walk in and you remember they used to be like 40 bucks and like in a carton they were like expensive like the packaging was really big and i went in there and i um i saw i saw a package it was like and i i remember it perfectly up-and-comers railings first you know and i'm touching the box and it's taped up and there's a metal detector and there's cameras and i go i i lost my mind i lost my mind i was like i have to have it i don't have 40 bucks i'm [ __ ] 13 year old kid i use my fingernail to take the tape off i take the tape out and the guy sees that i'm hey what's going on there [ __ ] jam it on the coat book it i run home you gotta wait there's yeah i i ran all the way that's when i should have been with the tribe that's what i guess when you're 13 and horny 13 and horny and i get home we have a vhs and a beta machine because my dad chose wrong and then we had to eventually get the vhs and my mom my grandmother is watching wwf wrestling so you gotta understand the dynamics of a tiny home so my grandma my two brothers and my parents and i and someone is always home someone is always home so i this thing's burning a hole in my pot i gotta watch it but when can i watch it so i finally put a plan together i go i'm gonna watch this and i don't even know how to masturbate i don't even know what that is i have no sex education i go at dinner time on wednesday i'm gonna eat my dinner really quick run to the [ __ ] living room and uh so it happened so we're eating dinner and hey slow down why are you eating dinner so fast [ __ ] scoop up the rice get some kimchi okay hey can i be excused like no we're having family dinner right now what's going on tell me ah no i'm good i'm good i run to the [ __ ] living room and you can it's not that far i don't live in a huge house so you can still hear the the silverware clinking like they're eating i pull out the there's like a disney movie in there i pull out the vhs i put in my thing there's the fbi warning i'm fast forwarding i'm like looking i'm looking and fast forwarding and you hit play and fast forward and then i see tits and it's and and then she's wearing jeans and then that's the cover no no jamie no don't do this to me i found the actual video too if you'd like to no no no no no no time out time out time out this is outrageous young actually i don't watch porn outrage you're making me relapse right now uh let me see that one more time so i fast forward to this and you gotta understand i had seen print playboy i'd seen i'd never seen that right the moving and the [ __ ] veiny their dicks are and like you know like i'm like [ __ ] man so i am everything's dopamine serotonin you know i'm like well my dad could walk in at any second and i'm like i'm like my i'm pressing my dick against the wall and then i was like okay and i'm studying and i'm like save this for later this goes in the spank bank save all okay this is enough one more second two more seconds okay delete tape put the disney tape back in run back and hey why are you breathing hard why oh nothing nothing and then i i get to my room and i share a bunk bed with my brother oh no and i'm like are you on top of the bottom i'm on the bottom oh no i'm on the bottom that little [ __ ] could just look down see you at any moment so i have i am uh full of there's come coming out of my eyes i'm full i'm like i gotta [ __ ] jerk like i don't even know what i'm like so and i always knew when my brother fell asleep because his breathing slows down so i'm like sitting there i'm pressing my dick against the wall i'm like you know he's like finally he finally falls asleep and i go okay i'm gonna like hold my whole arm because it's a squeaky it's like a shitty bunk bed oh no i'm gonna hold my whole arm against my this and jerk off [ __ ] dave you knew okay whatever and am i talking to yourself again i start doing a very gentle quiet masturbation but it's still doing a light tug with a little bit of squeeze because i don't want to wake up with my bro what i want to do is i want to [ __ ] crank it and then i hear david it's my brother why are you shaking the bed so much i'm like oh [ __ ] man like and now i'm like god damn i gotta find a place in my anyways i could go on and on about my brother's a [ __ ] blocker he's a [ __ ] blocker he [ __ ] cocked me blocked me for myself so i bring this up because this is this is what we had to do to bust the nut in the back in the day it's not that hard today it's everywhere so i meet this 20 year old kid and he goes i'm a virgin i i've heard your story before because your story is every old guy story my story is my mom was watching me she left the youtube video baby shark or some [ __ ] up and i she went to the bathroom and i clicked pokemon and then it was pokemon cosplay triple anal gangbang and that's the first thing i've ever seen at age four whoa straight to anal age four how it's how is that possible dude if you have an unblocked phone like it's very hard he's a kid going to get to pokemon porn is it that quick jamie is that back in the day that could have happened is this also like back in the day when youtube used to have it set up with like did they have restrictions back in the day because when if when things first started going up there was a lot of people sneaking things in yeah that weren't supposed to be on there and then they would catch them but they didn't have porn none of those none of those have had like i don't think so but i think people can probably get away it could probably be up there for like five minutes before it gets taken down or something you know what's so crazy is that twitter still has porn right hardcore right like if you let let your kid look at your phone and they click on twitter they could see someone taking the ass i have a blocked phone yeah that could happen so whoa so this kid's like that's my story and that's most young people's story now it isn't they found their dad's playboy in the forest i accidentally stumbled upon or some kid that doesn't it wasn't an accident someone tells you some older brother goes hey so my first visual burned programmed into my young mind isn't a still image with a woman with a huge bush it's [ __ ] anal penetration that's my first image and as the addict craves novelty as you get older you need more and more so by the time i'm 13 i've already that's i need prolapsed anus stuff i need transsexual i need gay sex i need so he says this kid is 20 years old he's never had sex he's like a what a simp in cell whatever they call him he uses viagra to get half hard he can't even get fully hard and it's his life is just scrolling it's just porn video games porn video games porn and it's we could sit here and we could laugh at it and i have laughed at it but this is that's a problem that's a problem so if i take it back to when i'm 24 when the technology was way less i missed my first deadline i was late to work i didn't i i lost that girlfriend not just because of that because other issues too but i didn't get up for one weekend from friday to sunday without pissing drinking water and at some point i had found my this guy this arch enemy on this warcraft game he'd win one i'd win one more one more one more he'd win one one more and the guy was like a british guy who had a wife and kids he's like bro i got a life dude and i'm like [ __ ] you [ __ ] we go we go we go hours hours i'm seeing [ __ ] wizardry in my mind i'm seeing paladins i'm seeing them or i i feel like god when i finally got up i [ __ ] collapsed my legs were gone and then i almost had to call 9-1-1 because they just wouldn't work for an hour and i called my friend who's a doctor and they're like you're dehydrated go drink some water and if jamie just googles korean video game overdose it's always a korean it's always an asian they play video games to death there's a korean family why do you think that is the culture there it's like intense that's like it's uh if we think we stuff like the the addiction that most people if you play whack-a-mole you're like hey i used to be addicted to sex gambling and i jump and i jump and i'm addicted to this the one where you can hide in plain sight where everyone pats you on the back is workaholism right i could work all day and night and in this culture you get pat on the back asian culture is the same except if you fail you either kill yourself and you're an absolute disgrace and you know it's like um in japan it was the suicide rate was really high now it's in korea but it's all your identity is tight like who are you oh i'm a podcaster i'm this you are only what your job is and if you're not good at it then what's your drug oh i'm going to [ __ ] just zone out in this video game pc room my life's not going well there's a there's a man and a wife in korea i saw this in some documentary that they would keep going to the internet room to play this video game like where you virtually raised like the sims or something like that that they forgot to feed their own kid and their kid died and they went to jail for it and then when they went out it's like this is a [ __ ] problem this is like a real problem and we live in a culture where there's things that are accepted addictions right if you [ __ ] do opioids and heroin and like i've been to those rooms man i see how they treat people if you're like a heroin addict there's a hierarchy you're a real drug addict but if you smoke weed come on man you're not gonna od from that but if if you look at the amount of people that kill themselves now like it's almost normalized and how many of my friends have done that how many of you people that you know that and especially during this pandemic the suicide rate's gone up like crazy that's a [ __ ] real problem man like and people when i think of bourdain and i think of myself and even starting the show off giving you compliments we live in a culture that doesn't know how to when people go don't shoot the messenger the messenger people say that because the messenger gets shot we don't know how to ask for help we don't know how to receive help we don't know even how to give help like if i try to help one of my friends who's like addicted to video games and jerking off get the [ __ ] out of here dave you don't [ __ ] i'm like bro just trying to help right it's very hard to help people they have to want help right if people don't want help you're not going to help them you're going to bully them around you're going to yell at them they're going to eventually do what they want to do anyway but when someone comes to you and says hey i need help that's when things get serious because other than that you're forcing like i have friends that i would like if they did things differently in terms of their health but i can't say anything to them like i just you just have to accept it this is what it is you know they people come up with their own excuses their own reasons you brought this up early and i wanted to ask you now like you were talking about like physical stuff like you get angry and you get anxiety because like you you don't you you let yourself get overweight like how much does that [ __ ] with you and how much would you give to not have that anymore like isn't that wouldn't i mean if there's one major thing that keeps [ __ ] with you over and over again that you could fix i have that's a fixed one like you could fix that one so i have a disease of more like i was saying that i have a chasm a black hole that it doesn't matter how many women i have sex with how many porn i've jerked off to how much money i've gambled and lost in one small fortunes huge fortunes i have had an eating disorder which is like i thought that was a girl thing that's what i thought like i got to when i went to rehab for gambling addiction it was this is the first rehab i've went to i've been to every [ __ ] rehab mental health wellness center in america now um i said hey do you guys deal with process addiction and they're like i sure come over and when i went there there was only meth heads there they didn't even know they just wanted my money yeah i just come over here and i learned there like serious gambling addiction like one out of four kills themselves and yeah it's it's a it's the reason why there's no balconies in las vegas the only place that has balconies is the cosmo i think and they had like two suicides the first month they opened i think because you're so i i i'm like i have things that when i talk about it it's funny can't stop jerking off can't it's all i can't stop working just [ __ ] got a emmy working for vice and i got my podcast and i got this and i got this next project and my next art show's going to make a million dollars you're addicted to that there's no end to it right there's no there's no nothing and when i meet when i watch the jordan documentary and i meet famous people that have succeeded at the highest levels i go how long were you happy for maybe a day maybe 24 hours and then what happens the next day back to the grind it's not enough got the gold medal back to the grind back to the grind and i go it's it's never going to be enough i'll never have enough women money success it's it's this and i go i have so many friends who've killed themselves i have so many like bourdain asked me for help he asked me for help like i'm like yes what did he say he said i'm [ __ ] miserable i'm miserable do you how do you deal with this and i was like i've been waiting for this [ __ ] phone call thank you how how recent or how close to when he died was that it was within the year it wasn't like right but so he said it was miserable and in what way to describe it he said you're successful i'm successful do you find yourself suffering and i go absolutely please and then i called him and uh and i this is what i mean when i say asking for help and receiving for help that was a [ __ ] heart you know people that know bourdain i know his friends i know his manager you won't find a [ __ ] person that will say a bad thing about him that guy is a [ __ ] he's so awesome he's always looking out for you he'll show up for you whatever you need he'll take care of you he's an amazing guy very very interesting guy and so you can't find anyone but i'm like you're a [ __ ] [ __ ] dude you're an [ __ ] you murdered yourself you murdered yourself you killed someone that person happened to be you but you couldn't even show up for yourself you sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm getting real listen i get it you love the guy i loved him too it's um i've known many people that have killed themselves now it's uh it's a very sad thing that was that you can't you can never fix that that sadness is always going to be a part of you you're always going to think maybe i could have gotten to him maybe i could have talked to him maybe if i was there but that was it he he did it he reached out he's like i relate to you dave i connect with you and i was like yes so what did he wind up doing he i talked to him i said hey man here's all the things i've done i'm i'm in a really good place now i can help you i can i can refer you to places i got you and it was almost like thank you for caring for me thank you like he was he was severe codependent like he was a people pleaser right he's like i'm like he never said no he's like i'm gonna [ __ ] help everybody except for myself it's okay man i get it so i'm gonna help everyone except for myself and i think i make this up in my head he's like and i've done this too before it's like i kind of half-ass ask people for help oh dave i got resources and i go that's enough just to know that you cared and that i know that there's places i can go to that's enough i don't have to actually full stop my life and change until you know oh [ __ ] so that's what i mean when i say we don't as a culture people don't teach us this [ __ ] people don't teach us how how to how to [ __ ] ask for help and then receive help and i i [ __ ] gave you five compliments at the start of the show i i can't i couldn't take a [ __ ] i couldn't take a compliment i couldn't say one nice thing about myself five years ago and if someone tries to say something hey dave you're good i'd shut him down okay okay it's like and i turn ever i turn everything into a joke right everything i can't sit here in this discomfort i don't want to be uncomfortable so i find i find this place i go i i'm [ __ ] ready now i'm ready whatever my best thinking got me here like whatever talking to people sitting around like i something's [ __ ] up with me all the [ __ ] that happened in my my life i'm like throwing myself in a [ __ ] jungle with like i'm going to jail repeatedly hold on hold why are you choosing to look at it in a negative way in the way you're describing it right there but something must be [ __ ] up with me i go to the jungle i'm doing all this crazy [ __ ] that's one of the things that makes you interesting is this extreme real curiosity you have a a real curiosity and a willingness to do wild [ __ ] like go to the congo and look for a [ __ ] dinosaur and sleep in attendance i'm telling you this is crawling around i'm telling you this story now because i'm alive i could have easily died there yeah multiple times yeah and then going back yes going back 10 years later yeah i think a film crew is going to make that easier i get it but the [ __ ] chief's sister had a machete in her mouth and it's like let's kill these [ __ ] and i'm like why am i back here why didn't why did they want to kill you because they thought we were uh they wanted money and we we had used all our we gave them all our money for filming rights and the the sister was like they have more like he was like the evil warlord of it wasn't the pygmies see no i still look it's not you're looking at it you're what what makes you interesting you're looking at it as a negative one of the things that makes you interesting is that you're a wild person who takes chances that's why i told you you should do a podcast look joe that's but dave it's not a bad thing all these things you're saying are not bad things can it be both i don't know man i mean i think can i teach you what i learned yes the way i'm talking to you right now is how i talked coming into like these loony bins that i've been to they're like wow the way you talk is very black and white [ __ ] this this is bad this is the [ __ ] bomb this is the [ __ ] this is lit this is fire this is [ __ ] i don't even know i said that i don't talk like that it's like it's like i was in the parking lot in korea town and i'm like i'm looking at the next generation of koreans they got [ __ ] in their face they got piercings i watched these two korean kids talk to each other for 20 minutes and they only said bruh lit and fire and i'm like what the [ __ ] did you guys just say uh anyways um because of my religious background where it's heaven or hell god's way or satan you kind of look at everything like that right joe rogan is the best that podcast is the worst so you ask me right now why do i look it in this bad way and i go can it be both because you don't have a gray there's no 50 shades of grey there's it's just black and white it's only the best and the worst that's if you could you feel something if you [ __ ] come off a big win yes i just want a [ __ ] ton of money in vegas i did this i did that or if you get canceled but in here in the middle you feel nothing so you got to go for the highs and usually you feel more when you lose so you chase the lose like you don't [ __ ] get it what dave you're gonna [ __ ] it i like losing you don't [ __ ] get it i like feeling [ __ ] you almost died in the congo why are you going back because i because maybe they didn't get you know so i get the thrill out of escaping the jaws of death there's something severely broken in me that i get a fix i get a hit i get it and the thing is you've heard heroin addicts that say i get this high now just to feel even i don't even get that's where i was at i'm i'm [ __ ] playing angry birds till my [ __ ] finger is split open i'm [ __ ] gambling you say but you're not saying current tense no no no i'm telling old stories right i know but you're saying it now right no no no no this is i'm i'm i'm soft-serving now i'm [ __ ] smelling flowers you still you channeled dave of old yeah well that's another dave that's inside of you david hey you driving the bus right now you want to sit in the back or you want to come back okay you know what jamie you into dead air can can i can i just do 10 seconds to get back to sure this is the weirdest podcast we've ever done thank you thank you so much i need like because i'm hyped up you saw that you saw old dave come up and i want to i want to amp it up i want to keep going high this is awesome man so i so i i i can't like you meet people and you're like you're wired this way and you can't teach an old dog new tricks and that's just joe rogan that you see today in his 30s and his 40s and 50s it's gonna still be that but a little different version of that when he's 56 and i meet these guys i mean i most of these places are very expensive and the people that end up there it's like everyone has cut them out so they have to be there or they lost their job so i'm usually the youngest guy there i'm independently wealthy so i can pay for it and i'm looking at these guys that have everything they have all the money all the fame every everything and they're successful only in their career everything else they're a failure at their kids hate them their wives ate them they're and i go i gotta [ __ ] i gotta rewire myself like i i can't live like this because you go why is this good or bad and i'm like because i don't care if i live i'm ready to die i want to die like i i wait a minute but you enjoy life today i do today i do sometimes in the time that you met me i really probably didn't enjoy life so much it's more everything feels like a chore everything feels like i'm underwater like now no not now now every now and then now i do like so part part of that is the thing leaning into discomfort but what got you over the hump like there's a lot of people that have experienced what you're describing so what got you to the point where now it's all flowers and and happy friends friends isn't that that that is one of the most underappreciated recipes you have people that will die for you i have people that will die for me that is a [ __ ] rare commodity in this world and when i say friends i mean they left me i i thought i was a genius i was like whatever the [ __ ] you see with kanye that's what i thought i'm like i'm a genius i'm doing and and there was the people that were like you are a genius dave you are great and i go you don't get it dude i want to [ __ ] die right now i want a cop to come out and shoot me because i'm [ __ ] his wife right now that's what i want that's a [ __ ] crazy story for the podcast dave that's i i'm not living i'm not no one's home hello no one's home and so my friends say we're done with you wait you're my homies down for life right right or die we're [ __ ] done with you who who who the [ __ ] are we to you who are we to you you've i've have friends that i've known since i was eight years old i'm 44 now my whole life they go and so in a moment of clarity like the same way i didn't [ __ ] kill the german guy i go wait every person in my life that i chose to have a friendship with is telling me i'm an [ __ ] that that i'm not me anymore that i'm not making sense that i need help and i and the thing is i know i need help but i'm like why did i get sent away when i was a kid there's three boys why did i get sent away because you were the well most well-behaved you know we didn't have enough money to raise three boys so we sent you away because you didn't cry you didn't cause problems so i'm a kid now i'm four years old when i get sent away the wiring is how long do you get sent away for for one year to korea i don't know who i don't speak the language i don't know who these people are and there was no explanation there was no i just woke up one day i'm having the best time with my brothers and they're like bye my mom's crying like why are you crying [ __ ] what the [ __ ] going on bye i'm all of a sudden in this smelly country and and so i'm like i'm trash i'm trash yeah i'm [ __ ] worthless you don't give a [ __ ] you could just explain to you nobody explained nobody explained [ __ ] so now i'm wired when they do explain oh when you get sent away because you're good good behavior is punished why didn't my brother get sent away he was crazy he was like he was a problem child he was like chucky he was like he got into this thing to do what did you do when you got to korea it was just to live with my uncles and my aunts and and just to have other families support me because my parents weren't doing too well financially so then the whole concept of nice guys finished last right right so i'm this quiet asian guy and you could just say whatever you he's a pushover you keep getting [ __ ] up you get [ __ ] over [ __ ] over the guy with the eyes outside the then i get out of jail what do i get sold out show in new york city dave cho says whatever the [ __ ] he wants does whatever the worst i act the look at what's happening to trump right now kanye you act as shitty as you can and you get [ __ ] gap deals and presidencies and you never [ __ ] apologize you never calm down dave calm down the dave of old so you so my thinking is acting right acting like the model minority acting like the good little asian boy got me nowhere when i talk a fool when i do whatever the [ __ ] i want when i [ __ ] when i fight when i gamble when i act crazy i get television deals i get on howard stern i get on [ __ ] joe rogan i get [ __ ] uh sold out art shows women they pause you okay do you think that you are the victim of the attention that you were getting do you think you leaned into it and it became who you decided you were because that was giving you the most love and people got a kick out of the fact that you genuinely didn't give a [ __ ] so you just leaned into that so it changed you it's absolutely that but it's more nuanced than that there's a lot it's everything well i'm already mentally unstable four-year-old thing man right that's it that's right i mean when that i mean that's the [ __ ] that's the gasoline that was poured all over you so things don't make sense to me they can't make sense to you man and as an adult i go i have wealth i have money i know famous people who have wealth why we know the story rich famous uh [ __ ] blow your brains out hang yourself we know that that doesn't have to you're alive right now unless it doesn't have to ever go down that way but when when the one thing that you've got to know is you can't fix any of the [ __ ] that happened to you that's that's a that's a real problem because the [ __ ] that happened to you was titanic for that to happen to you at four years of age as you're growing up and developing to hit us a horrible situation like that at four through no fault of your own that all of it makes sense it's what we were talking about that everybody doesn't starve from the same spot you know and it's it's what makes unfortunately it's what makes people so goddamn interesting sometimes too whether it's joey diaz or whether it's you or most of my friends that are really interesting had these [ __ ] up lives that you would never want to wish upon your kid but see when you say that i hear that and i love it and respect you so i go i this is just how i feel i go joe loves me because i'm weird and i'm interested no no no no and for me no i'm saying how i i remember and i need to stay [ __ ] up to be interesting for me to get help who can i look to who navigated their way out of this jungle who did it right who can i look up to go man that guy was wild crazy he did all this crazy [ __ ] he got rich and famous and whatever and then he sailed half like where where can i find that and i go no i just accept i'm not you know yes i've had suicidal ideation yes i'm [ __ ] mentally disturbed yes i've had to go to jail and lock myself up many times but at least i'm rich you know like let me stop you again okay here's the thing to concentrate on what is the goal if the goal is to be happy right the problem is a lot of people are doing things to be successful could be because they think becoming successful is what makes you happy it doesn't always sometimes you feel empty and you feel angry that you spend all your time working for something that you don't even appreciate when it's over but you're on paper you're successful that's not really successful can i tell you one of the can i tell you a story of how i got better and let me hold you okay one second this is what i want to get to yes some people are happy right would we would can we say that do you think some people you think there's a percentage of this population that's happy some people are happy yes of course some people are happy okay there's no characteristics that exclude you from that group you could also be happy and i say this to anybody anybody who's been happy but how joe but this is what you got to do concentrate on what it is first of all that makes you happy and i guarantee you for a big part of it for a lot of people is their physical health improve your physical health you'll improve your enthusiasm you'll improve your energy and you'll improve your ability to absolutely do other things you'll be happier right and then do what you're doing you've already you've already gone on to this great path where you've changed basically who you are you've become like this this guy is more introspective can i tell you just growing up in america part of being a man because someone asked me where's your idea of a man come from i go from clint eastwood watching guy movies growing up you know the way korean men are so macho and so that's in me and what is what is that what is being a man it's like shut the [ __ ] up and take handle your business don't ask for help yes korean asians we don't like asking for help we never ask for help and so when i tell you that i've been to every [ __ ] mental health institution and like there's sick people all over the country in the world i never saw one [ __ ] asian guy until i saw one for [ __ ] five years i'm going to all these places and i'm and i just don't ask for help they don't ask for help you just suffer silently there's people listening right now that are suffering like because you know what they do the story i've just told you right now i wasn't able to say that for years because i made trauma a competition big [ __ ] deal you left your parents sent you away you weren't starving in korea i'm like i'm four years old dude i don't know where my [ __ ] parents are yeah but your grandpa he has this big ginseng farm you're having a nice life out there okay you know what there's someone else down the street getting [ __ ] molested getting beaten i don't everyone tries to do this like hierarchy of like i got it this bad shut the [ __ ] up who are you and i go but everyone's pain is maximum to them right everyone's maximum pain is right so you when you're getting hurt when someone's doing this and to someone a big deal that doesn't hurt my feelings and i go but to me it does i'm not thinking well you know there's people getting killed in the streets right now so i have no i'll say that to myself there's people getting killed in the streets right now so just because one guy said go back to where you come from i have no i i'm gonna quiet up zip i'm not gonna say anything because what is that that's nothing that's a oh you hurt me with your words but i go but it did your words hurt me and well you're not allowed to feel that and yet i do i feel [ __ ] and my whole [ __ ] life my is reactionary to stop that by building walls and come up with these coping mechanisms and i go teach me i want to [ __ ] learn and they go you're not going to like it and you already know because i already talked about here step one was i was like i'll do anything and they're like it's not gonna happen overnight and then someone said there is something that will happen overnight ayahuasca i'm like i'm in i'm an addict i want it quick i love you because you do [ __ ] psychedelics i don't know what kind of person you would be if you didn't like it changed my life i did ayahuasca 30 when i was 35 years old so almost nine years ago and it [ __ ] the the trip i had in the jungle in colombia and they told me this isn't going to change your life but it'll kick the doors open for you to begin to become a different person and we're sitting here we're sitting on [ __ ] microphones there's this and this there's other dimensions there's [ __ ] and it's like i can't i'm i'm telling you i agree with everything you said i when i exercise i feel great when but i there's something i i'm an addict i'm a [ __ ] up i can't teach me i i need something besides and this is why i said when i listen to all the motivational stuff and i and i get fired up i go yeah if i just [ __ ] got up and push myself and i go but that's not me i need something more and i'm gonna [ __ ] be curious i'm gonna search and so i get to a place where they go dave you turn everything into a joke you lie a lot right starting with up what's up every guy answer to how are you doing i don't care if your dad just died or you just got a divorce great okay right okay is not a feeling good is not a feeling something horrible i could have had the worst day right now and if you ask me how you're doing i'd say good i'm okay and that would be a lie so i go what i'm going to go to a place in mississippi i i'm not going to say the name i don't know if there's like lawsuit [ __ ] but i went there and it's a mandatory place for crooked judges uh congress like hi like doctors lawyers and they have to be there and they have to relearn rewire or else they don't get their um you know licenses back to practice whoa and i was the only one there by choice i didn't have to be there and so i get there and they go why are you here and i go i can't stop thinking a certain way i can't stop lying i can't stop exaggerating i can't stop storytelling i can't stop period i have uncontrollable behavior i'm impulsive and i don't like who i am and i'm suicidal at times and i i i want and they go we're gonna do something here so they they took the yellow stick it pads and they wrote no joking so they put one on here and here and they go no more joking and they taught me different ways to like that guy sounds like a bummer total bummer and they can actually joke and they can act like they go we know that this place that you're at right now is not how the real world exists but while you're here and by the way you could leave at any time we're going to ask you to to change your behavior so what was the problem they had with you joking that was your defense mechanism for him every [ __ ] serious thing right oh here's the [ __ ] i was better i was better at the company i told you before when i saw you do that thing in la that did at ucla i'm like you could be a comic you 100 could be a comic you have a comics mentality you're [ __ ] up like a comic you have crazy ideas like a comic and you're insightful you're a smart guy you'd be really good at it thank you for saying that and 100 like you're there's comics you meet in life obviously you're a multifaceted guy you can do a lot of different things you're a great artist you can do whatever you want but there's something about comics that never became comics there's a lot of them i worked for one at one point time i worked for a private investigator dave dolan the most [ __ ] hilarious guy i've ever met in my life totally was a comic just never did comedy i met a bunch of guys like that were totally comics they just never found comedy like if they did they'd be one of us they'd be hanging out in the back of the comedy store can you admit that you can draw like relatively good yeah i could draw relatively okay so you know through everything else you've achieved in your life if you practice you'd be awesome at it but you said the same thing that's funny dave you're going to keep asking me to paint i'm not going to do it i know who i am i get obsessed and whatever when i walked off the stage at ucla i did two hours like improv and i and i invited like harris whittles rest in peace he's not here anymore i invited comic writers and i said shoot me straight like don't do the like dave you were great they were like you [ __ ] killed two you've never done comedy before and you killed for two hours there's some rusty parts but if you just kept the reps in and then similarly i've always always wanted to be in a band right so uh mca from beastie boys passes away and then money mark who's been touring with them for 20 years is out of work he's a friend of mine and i'm like i've known you for a while why don't we [ __ ] make a ban we do us i formed the band maangchi we uh with bobby lee's brother steve lee is the singer and money mark we [ __ ] tour the us and we sell out like two small like two 300 cedar clubs and every [ __ ] um uh high school like rock band fantasy is fulfilled and at our last show i think bill burr was there i'm like we're playing here in los globos in silver lake and i'm playing to this sold out 200 it's all my friends my family there's comedians there's porn stars and there's like a super famous you know uh one of the most famous uh rock band lead singers in the audience and he's like can i talk to you after the show i'm like yeah and he's like i play to like 20 30 000 seat stadium people now and what you just took me back to was our first days when we started i would do anything for that and i sat there and i was like wait joe rogan told me i like i don't think he's bullshitting he thinks i could really do this comedy thing i felt i felt like on fire when i was on stage this guy's telling me if i just keep touring and i keep putting out videos that at some point i'll be selling out 500 1000 and then in five years and i go i love playing music i love comedy and i think i've tasted just enough where i don't want to [ __ ] i you would these things take time man to [ __ ] perfect it and craft it you've done this for thousands of hours like i i said in this and this is all like after i've done a lot of work on myself i'm like i'm going to walk away from this as someone who doesn't know how to say no and and like i have that overachieving attitude i'm like why not why not did you have a good time on stage yeah i loved it did you love them when people laughed yeah it was like a drug i felt it do you want to keep doing that and the torture of coming up with new material and like you know and the bands if you don't like i'm like i know myself well enough now that i i'm gonna stick to one thing at a time you know so i'm gonna i'm gonna tell you the story and i you know i could tell you jail stories porn star i have all these stories but the [ __ ] weirdest [ __ ] that i've ever done in my life was to go to this place and it's like an intensive outpatient place so i have an apartment with a roommate i haven't a [ __ ] roommate in years and they go in the time that you're here once again voluntarily you can leave at any time we're gonna ask you to [ __ ] do everything you say it's counter-intuitive to who you are and the way you're wired but we're going to ask you to tell the truth and just [ __ ] and i go yeah sure i can do that i don't even i haven't even checked into my apartment i'm opening the door i cohen there is a man that's obesely overweight sitting on a couch in his [ __ ] tidy he looks like he's naked because his gut is covering his white underwear and he's watching uh walter white i see walter white he's watching breaking bad and he's on the couch like this are you my new roommate don't tell me don't tell me bro i don't even [ __ ] know you don't tell on you what it's like i like to do meth and get really [ __ ] up and go to um uh bath houses and let mexican guys suck my dick and i'm like whoa [ __ ] and this guy i don't know where he's from specifically they had to be mexican we got into it later his name was paco it's like mexican guys and i take my stomach and they have to find my dick and i hit their head with my stomach when i whoa i go yeah i said it's a fetish right and i go this guy sounds like he wants to get caught like i'm like don't tell on me and so what do i go yeah okay fine whatever so the next day we go into the rooms and the every morning starts with community we sit in the circle here it's like does anyone have any agenda items they want to put in and i go you know what i got on a [ __ ] plane to come to mississippi i paid the money i raised my hand let's let's call this guy walter because i was watching walter white that's not his name i go walter was watching um breaking bad this guy what the [ __ ] dave what what the [ __ ] your pr i thought we were roommates i thought you were my homie that's not how he talks he talked more right what the hell dave what the [ __ ] you doing man and um i go i'm here i'm a [ __ ] rat i'm i go this is not how i talk back at home i don't tell on people it's like i don't give a [ __ ] you you go we know dave just while you're here we're gonna train you and then whatever sticks we want you to be about your word when you say something and i don't i don't see how this is helping me you're severe codependent you don't know how to show up for yourself you don't know how to say no people just take and take people run over you we're teaching you how to stand up for yourself am i a [ __ ] a grown man i need to learn how to yes yes you weren't taught this you weren't taught this [ __ ] you learned from movies and [ __ ] your dad didn't speak the language perfectly you don't have any [ __ ] no one taught you these simple things how to show up for yourself how to stand up for yourself like oh [ __ ] and this guy's huge he's like a obese guy and immediately i have to apologize sorry man i'm not sorry that's what i'm here for but i have to have him like me so the session the class ends sorry dude sorry walter i'm sorry why'd you do that dave i thought we were friends i'm like dude i'm here i'm trying to get better and i go i have these things on my thing on my legs that say no joking and i go i gotta crack a joke with this guy i gotta [ __ ] like make him like me again i go how do you wipe your ass dude and i'm like what are you talking about because we have a tiny shower and he's he's [ __ ] humongous he's like morbidly obese he's like dave man no like no one ever asked me questions like this man are you my friend and this guy is this guy had in his regular life was like a high power something like in government what yeah every minute he's doing math he's morbidly obese yeah and he has a high power position in government he's let's just say he's a professional like he and so i'd never been to a place like this where every person there no matter what you say they put you on a lie detector at the end of the week they go cool cool story and and i'm like wow they wanna hold you accountable they really really wanna you gotta be on so so i'm i'm like and then so i become friends with this guy over the week and like i'm like okay cool i hope he still likes me and he goes dave you're not like anyone else here everyone else here is like some kind of professional and like you got the weird hair you dressed like a homeless guy like are you famous or something i feel like i seen you somewhere and i'm like no and i had just taken a class on how to uh hold a boundary and stand up for myself i said walter while we're here together i'm going to ask you just know me as david your roommate and if you want to google me when we leave here and the thing is he everyone has different privileges one of his is he doesn't have a phone so he couldn't look me up or whatever i'm going to ask you this is my boundary please just know me as your roommate and if you want to look me up when i leave you know it's like okay i could do that i get home that night i [ __ ] knew i saw you on tv man you're the facebook guy you're the [ __ ] you know so my normal okay cool whatever i asked you you didn't do it and uh i go to my room and i'm like [ __ ] man that really that really chaps my head you know i'm like i asked you and then now he has all the questions man you're rich did you do this i read this story about you on why do you have a [ __ ] roommate that's part of the thing right that's and i sit in my room and i go once again i gotta i'm here why don't i just experience this fully so i go out in the other room and i go hey walter i asked you today not to do that and i'm i'm like kind of shaking because like i don't talk to people this way i just i bury [ __ ] i just like let things go i and it i get turned into a passive aggressive person so i go tomorrow at community i'm gonna have to call you but please please don't please don't do that come on and actually he went to anger first he's like his build is like this giant guy he's he's hitting the table his foot dave what the [ __ ] man i'm one week away don't and i'm like one week away from what from getting out he was almost done by the way what does time feel like to you right now like is it going fast or slow it's regular it must be slow as [ __ ] in there well the way people are explaining this pandemic or the quarantine i'm like this is jail time like when people are like waiting for when when am i going to get out and when do you get out when you're on good behavior when does society get out when you're on good behavior when people start listening yeah and when you're on bad behavior stay longer oh my god we're gonna close the bars down again so he he goes he starts getting really physically threatening and part of what i love about wearing masks now is i don't know what your interaction with your fans in public have been since you become famous is people try to break my hand when they shake my hand do they really they try to break my hand or they they think they're going to have more impact if they talk close to my face so they try to crush your fingers they do this what's up man and then they hold it and then i you know normal and then they hold on to it and they do a little squeeze at the end i go what the f dick flexing [ __ ] was that you know weird flex bro and and so um and then people do the close face talking and i hate so this guy's like dude you know he's using his his girth to just like intimidate you and i'm like and i'm like this is during corona or no no this is like years ago and i say i say you know what i would love walter if you told on yourself if i didn't have to because that's one thing you could do oh and he gets really angry and then he calms down and uh he goes uh i'm gonna do it dave i'm gonna do it i'm like yes [ __ ] yeah i'm i'm changing as a person i'm learning skills i'm learning tools we go to community the next morning and uh i'm waiting we're going in a circle and i'm like [ __ ] dude do it i don't want to call you out bro and he goes yeah i got something i want to put on the agenda this morning um at an interaction with one of the other patients here and we worked it out and i'm gonna take care of it and i was like what what the [ __ ] was that and i go hold up hold up hey walter [ __ ] i asked him not to google me and and the the therapists are like that's a complete violation of the anonymity rights here and and he's like this is and and now all the information this is your 12th time [ __ ] violating a patient's you tried he tried to [ __ ] the roommate that was in the room before me like um the guy was sad and he was giving him a hug and he tried to finger his butthole when he was giving him a hug oh boy he doesn't have phone privileges so he asked another patient can i use your phone to call my wife he calls his wife and then that's what he says and then he gives the thing back to the phone uh to the other patient and then 10 minutes later he starts getting dick pics from paco with his mexican boyfriend that he only [ __ ] when he's on meth right i'm not gay only when i'm on meth and so they're like and so i'm like [ __ ] this guy hates me but i'm like no he's out of he's breaking bad he's out of control and i go oh [ __ ] and he's not on meth while he's in that house no no well i don't know he might have been and because he's he's acting like messed up so they're like that was your last strike you're out of here and pack your bags and you know your wife's gonna pick you up tomorrow morning and i'm like so i i go ex this is me i'm like i did the right thing and i go immediately to shame and guilt i'm like [ __ ] he i take the i become it's my fault he's getting kicked out because of me like oh [ __ ] and and i raised my hand again i go i don't feel safe sleeping in that room tonight can i you know some other guys like yeah you could crash on our couch and i go okay so i'm like wow this is crazy like i'm standing up for myself i i haven't ever done this i haven't ever spoken this way and i get i kind of get what's happening if i could learn how to speak like this to strangers maybe i can come home and finally talk to my mom and and and and have a boundary with my parents my asian parents are [ __ ] boundary-less you know so that night i'm i'm i i'm like [ __ ] i could get my toothbrush i got some stuff from the room and my friends like dude just we'll go get it somewhere else you don't like why you playing with fire again i'm like because i like it when it hurts and like dude the guy is totally made up in his mind he's getting kicked out because of you like i just got to go to my room and i just got to get my toothbrush in a workbook and something and they're like don't do it don't do it i'm like i have to and it's like do you do you have to like okay i don't maybe i don't have to so i go up he's like i'll just wait here in case something goes bad because that guy can get violent and i go in the room and he's sitting there and he's like stewing he's like stewing and he's like watching like the final episode of breaking bad and i'm like hey what's up man and i'm just like sort of go to my room get my [ __ ] and then i had to do it like i'm almost out the door and he's like i was trying to guilt me i was almost out of here dave you had to do it huh i was like look man i don't know you we've known each other for like a week like i don't have anything against you i'm just trying to get better i'm [ __ ] i'm a sick person i can say that i had a hard time saying that i had no voice i'm a sick person and i'm willing i'm [ __ ] helpless right now i'm desperate i'm gonna do anything right now to [ __ ] get better so if it means i gotta tell on you for googling me if i gotta tell on you for watching breaking bad because you like to do meth and suck mexican guys dicks and and vice versa and so i i get a little cocky i get a little and i go same thing like the hitchhiking like i know i'm never going to see this guy again i go hey walter you've told me the whole time we were here you always got to end [ __ ] with i'm not gay but i'm not gay did you ever think that maybe instead of like hiding who you are finally divorcing your wife and like you can go to like the gay parade and wear crazy [ __ ] and just be out you don't have to because his whole thing is i only do it when i'm on meth you don't have to use hide behind meth anymore and he chuckled a little bit and like in my head i'm like oh cool i'm like maybe making maybe some of these words are getting in and he's like all right and so i felt good like it felt like so i leave and then i stayed at this place for six more months and during this time i got to like learn and become like a better version of myself and learn new tools and like even these people forgot how to have fun they're like lawyers and doctors and it's like entitlement out the roof they're all the super best at their job the best lawyer the best doctor the best so they're used to like playing god and saving people's lives and people just catering to them so they have they're all breaking bad they're all walter whites they just and and we're here as adults being trained and i'm like i'm gonna teach these [ __ ] how to have fun so i'm like making little scavenger hunts for them and they're they like love me they're like dave is the best he's teaching me how to be a kid again i'm doing scavenger hunts all across walmart and sam's club i'm teaching people how to like make sculptures out of aluminum foil left over from lunch and people grown people are crying they're like dave i haven't had this much fun since i was like my dad beat me into being the best and so i leave this place and i'm like i feel good and i get home and i get a text from a number i don't know this is like seven six seven months later and it's a picture of me sleeping in that apartment the guy [ __ ] took pictures of me while sleeping [ __ ] crazy it is crazy that's um the messed up dude took pictures of you while you were sleeping yeah and i remember thinking that night after hearing the story of like how he i was like maybe i should lock my door and i never sure you should have i should have but dave that's a crazy story and i wish i could hear more but it's 4 30. is it really it's 4 30. we do this is a four hour podcast right ridiculous can i please please um invite you to my next show when is it so thank you by the way my last show was two years ago it was the cho show and you reposted the billboard that i put up and um painting for me is i won't say it's boring but i just know how to paint now in the same way like you know how to do what you're good at so i'm going to create a joe joe a cho rogan experience for you oh jesus can we just not i really do i gotta go it's 4 30. it's super late okay can i can i just throw out the hanza thing again the just okay so if anyone's interested in sponsoring a kid or learning more about this culture please go to hodza h-a-d-z-a dot org and um if you're in la and you watch your show oh so yes i could talk forever i have a tv show that i just sold that i don't know the name of and i don't know when it's going to be out but just look out we'll check back in with you later on all right that's it thanks david show ladies and gentlemen thank you goodbye sorry that i just [ __ ] [ __ ]

Channel: undefined

Views: 5,348,406

Rating: 4.8540201 out of 5

Keywords: Joe Rogan Experience, JRE, Joe, Rogan, podcast, MMA, comedy, stand, up, funny, Freak, Party

Id: j7T6__UbhBI

Length: 231min 38sec (13898 seconds)

Published: Fri Jul 31 2020

Reddit Comments

[u/_Schwing]

He looks like a psychedelic lion

[u/Impressive-Potato]

You can hear Jamie cracking up a few times this podcast. Choe is making Jamie laugh more than the murderers from the Comedy Store.

[u/Schmedit]

"mic smells like Post Malone"

[u/PedanticWizard]

I feel like this was an important episode for Joe as a person to see that mental illness isn't always logical, despite being a brilliant, well traveled, wildly wealthy guy, he's battling with his own demons.... And while Joe is absolutely correct that physical health makes a difference, there's much more to it than that for a lot of people

[u/vanhuxtable]

David Choe was hired by Sean Parker to paint murals on the walls of facebook. He was commissioned for 60k. Zuckerberg offered him stock or money and Choe being the gambler that he is took the stock. Couple years later that stock was worth $200 million. He became the richest artist alive. He’s also the most interesting person ever. Forever DVDASA!

Edit: It was Sean Parker who hired Dave not Zuck

[u/takeitorleaveit1990]

MAN, this guy had some Crazy appearances on JRE waaaaay back in the day

[u/AJfriedRICE]

Post Malone and this were both a huge breath of fresh air after all the politics/corona talk on the podcast lately.

[u/karlpilkington4]

OH SHIT SON. He's finally back. Dude took a hiatus from the internet for a LONG MINUTE!

Bring back DVDASA!!!

[u/[deleted]]

When he talked about anthony bourdain, that hit hard