Joe Rogan Experience #1118 - Theo Von

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here we go baby five four three two boom and there can be only one thing I've on well far as we know far as I know in the universe style do you know what they think what do you know that the concept of infinity apparently has explained to me about people far smarter than us is that the universe is so big yeah not only is there intelligent life out there for sure but there's humans out there for sure mm-hmm and infinity is so big that that means somewhere in the universe there is another theof on that has done exactly the same things that you've done said exactly the same things that you've said been in the same conversations that you've been in down to that pause down to the millisecond uh an infinite number of times and you believe it yes not just one not just one time but an unending number of times because that's how big infinity is you're not buying it I'll bet infinity smaller than that if I had a bet yeah I just don't think that could for me that couldn't for me if I if I knew that that was true that would just break my heart I feel like cuz then you would feel like everything you're doing feels pointless you know but isn't it anyway just what you know about the universe let's just say the universe was limited to the size of this galaxy okay all right which it really could be could be I mean weird you and I let's be honest we're kind of dumb right right we're oh yeah I'm just guessing yes totally guess I mean I'll say some big words every now and then but the reality is I learned those big words from people that I actually understand them and I'm just repeating the noises that they say yeah yeah I'm the last person thinks I'm smart trust me yeah we're all mimics really exactly so if you look at I think they think there are hundreds of billions of stars in this galaxy mm-hmm just out alone it's too big it's too big it's too big for you to wrap your head around it's too big no nothing like doing you think about like how big that is like there's no way you really think about it you just you just kind of like oh yeah yeah big yeah now think of infinite and so hundreds of billions of those and then they think it's possible that inside each galaxy they know that the center of each galaxy has a supermassive black hole in it and they think that inside that supermassive black hole might be a whole nother universe filled with galaxies each of them that have supermassive black holes in the center you go through one of those another universe infinite universes so infinite infinities so the universe is infinite and there's infinite numbers of universes so somewhere out there is another Theo on same haircut same jokes same style really yep same back problem killing it dude that's scary I feel like if that's true that makes the jog I took this one it seems so much shorter if there were if the universe is that much bigger I don't think it could be that big look at this what did you show me you're Jamie what is that what the simulation on the inside of a black hole that's iMovie brother that could be any session again well it's just this is just animation so the idea is you go through the black hole and you wake up again a baby in Louisiana your mom was cuddling you oh you're such a sweet thing yeah birds chirping but they're they're chirping 200 trillion light years away yeah you believe it believe is a weird word do you feel it it's too big I don't even feel Sun the Sun I go outside and I go oh yeah it's warm but I don't feel it there's a thing that's a million times bigger than Earth that's floating in the sky no I don't feel that to me the hard part for me is when they say that the universe keeps expanding you know yeah it sound like something a child would say that sounds fiction to me like it just keeps growing and growing and growing and growing you're like what'd it sound like something like my four-year-old nephew would say if I keep won't go to sleep at night you know well the real one is the birth of the universe that's the real one like the Big Bang so before the Big Bang the universe was smaller than the head of a pin the whole thing right and then for some reason boom they don't know why but in one instant the universe is created I mean I seem far-fetched but that's what the scientists believe forget about what religious people believe or cult leaders believe or schizophrenic s' yes the legit of legit the Sean Carroll's of the world the neil degrasse tyson's of the world the real scientists yeah they can hit you with the real words and they actually understand them the smartest people the real smart people they actually think that hmm what do you think I think the jury's out you know that's what I think man I think I'm still kind of feeling it out you know I think that I think I could easily get sucked in if I'm not careful to just believe in I just wonder if some of their stuff is right you know like what if the building blocks that we started with aren't really correct hmm you know and sometimes I feel like they some of the science for me it takes too much of the hope out of it like I guess I want to romanticize the universe a little bit and I want it to be a little more fantastical like maybe we get out there you know in the sequel to that video and there's a couple you know angels out there or a band or something more like you know some angels or like a you know some sort of something more exciting than just is that exciting or is that just more human like angels in a band right that's like human that would actually be boring yeah maybe it's just maybe I'm afraid to go into that other world you know into that other realm like if somebody was like go in there and they were trying to push me in there I would say I'm not going in there have you ever been in a place where you're in you're outside at night there's no clouds and there's no light pollution and you can see the Milky Way yeah there is a Tucson it's great right yeah that's a weird feeling yeah see all those stars and you're like is this up here all the time yeah that's how I feel I feel like is this out here all the time and what have I been doing yeah I think we're fucking ourselves up at cities I've been saying that forever I think all that light from cities blocking out all those stars mm-hmm I think it confuses us yeah we don't we don't realize what we're in we are in this crazy space ride oh I think people forget about that a lot of times I mean we definitely get caught up in the minutia mm-hmm I mean but what's out there in the world in the universe I mean I think if something were out there it would have stopped by by now I don't know about that it's been a lot of time it's a lot of space a lot of space it has to go through I think that things get so smart that they don't do that anymore this is what I think I think that this whole idea about space travel mm-hmm I don't think they do that after a while I think they get so fucking smart they become symbiotic with machines and I think artificial life and artificial intelligence they create their own reality and literally create their own universes I don't think they bother traveling oh they're just thinking it up and then there it is I think they make things you know I think when I think this is just the thought but I think what's gonna happen with us I mean we take little trips send a rover to Mars and shit yeah then we send probes into space Florida anywhere you know I mean you go local anything is a you know can be a big adventure but yeah we go out to the moon we went to the moon a couple times supposedly you know right but what we don't do what you know what we're doing with these little tiny trips it's like all fairly close it's all inside of our solar system right yeah what we're saying is that someone is going way way way further than that so they would be have to be way more advanced than that what I look at us and I look at artificial life and artificial intelligence and how close we are to creating something that's smarter than us yeah within the next hundred years we're gonna have some form of artificial life that's probably way smarter than us and it's gonna create even better versions of artificial life it's gonna improve upon the design and then there's gonna be things that they can do in terms of like recreating reality in your own mind like sit you and I sitting across from each other mm-hmm we're experienced in this table we're experienced in looking at each other we're friends we have a history together we talk a lot so this we when used to being in each other's presence there's all these feelings and thinking and thoughts going on I think they're gonna be able to recreate that I think they're gonna recreate that in a way that's indistinguishable from this moment that we're experiencing so then I mean you are human just gonna become obsolete then yeah so okay well dang it dang it don't you think we are I mean if you go back right just isms yeah go back a second amoeba or something the first time single-celled organisms became multi-celled organisms bugger and them how many of them were hanging back no man fuck that I'm gonna live in the woods I'm gonna stage single cell single cells way to go yeah the multi cell stuff is bullshit I don't need to see things man fuck you I don't need a phone motherfucker yeah I'm a single-cell organism you know things I don't have to get any better right like this I'm not gonna get a job um be a hit man yeah if you looked at single-celled organisms they eventually became Theo von right that's a that's a complicated leap from single-celled organisms from billions of years ago to Theo von holy-shit is not a leap tell it to a human that's a big leap so you're saying it would be crazy for us if we didn't continue to be fully we're going to that's a good point it's gonna happen everything does we're gonna improve upon this I mean we're different now people are bigger and stronger and faster than they were just a hundred years ago because of nutrition you know and those genes don't that was saying that the genes of people who exercise and are healthy they're better than the genes of people that don't like you literally can transfer some of those traits and some of that potential into children Rhonda Patrick got something she tweeted about that a couple of days ago I believe oh there's some mud rats out there that have no genes almost I feel like like mud rat humans yeah just people that are just smoking their own dicks out there no real light like you don't I'm saying like I've met some people who yeah they're breathing but that's it really yeah this idea that we're all created equal you've never met anybody that's a genius if you say that I've met some people that I'm like I talked time ago I'm like a monkey yeah yeah dude I talked to your buddy Eddie Bravo and that guy is a real he's out there he's like a J he's like a deaf duck a deaf Jack Russell almost you know a deaf Jack Ross yeah cuz once he gets going you can't Oh Jack Russell terrier yeah you ever been around one of those dogs you open the car and then the next thing you know they're yeah they're like sick yeah well deaf because you can't get him back like once he goes you can hey you can't get him back in the car like you're sitting there honking the horn you can't that guy's out there you know my home you know I'm talking about make a description like that Jack Russell terrier that is hilarious extravagant dude yeah that means extravagant he's so motivated he loves conspiracies more than anybody I've ever met in my life and he thinks everything is a conspiracy yeah no no he definitely but then he gets into it like I don't know it was fascinating to me how he went from this like one genre of life to the next and created a business in each one and kept moving forward a business yeah he got like he was a muse he liked music he started a band you know he liked karate he started doing you know organized karate he liked you know what else did he couple of other businesses I think he got into a couple of other things I don't know what the other two he lost me a chapter 70 but he'll hate you were too much information man it was crazy a lot of people to Google I was like I want to climb through a black hole right the other night 2:00 a.m. you will get a wall of text explaining which YouTube video has the right information which one is set up by the CIA it used to be like stopping at a rest area on the interstate that was like the old Eddie frevo like you'd stop there next thing you know you'd hear the craziest shit in the world right now he loves all of it he loves but he gets out it gives him phases like he gets out of them for a while like who's really into chemtrails for a while but man I know you probably won't admit it but it's pretty obvious chemtrails are bullshit yeah pretty fucking obvious yeah it's just right because they can right birthday they can write happy birthday Rhonda or something and that's not that just seems like that's smoke somebody's birthday yeah I think when they do that they're doing that like on purpose but the the chemtrail thing is just it's just nonsense there's there is some evidence that they have experimented with spraying stuff in the sky and they definitely seed clouds in certain parts of the world and certain parts of the country you know they can make it rain like in its it's Abu Dhabi right where they make it rain once a week Wow once a week it's they live in the desert listen jets up there yeah yeah they send jets and I think they use something silver iodine or something like that is that what it is okay one of the pilots they spray into the clouds and somehow or another it makes it rain you know when a DK when I was talking about that with that he one thing I was thinking about was do you think that there are aliens oh do you think that robots will get so advanced that they will like become aware and what does he say oh I don't know what he said I guess I'm asking you because he went off on something else and he didn't really answer it he said it doesn't get too much he's more into like the FBI trying to fuck us over yeah well he told me in the bathroom after we talked no joke he said he had to be a little bit quiet because he thinks that some people could be looking for oh that's so crazy and it was crazy he said that all hushed us about the urinals dude he thought that the government got to me really cuz I wasn't into chemtrails chemtrails what did it he's like she's got it's got to be a reason here did they do anything to you no no you swear I swear no one's talked to me about anything ever no one said hey men lay off lay off that Bigfoot talk but what do you say I'm just saying if you want to know how do i man is this what are you showing me Jamie this is the article about the other cloud sitting in Abu Dhabi they know they use hide Wow hygroscopic salt to level up the amount of amount of moisture to generate more rain huh I could see him doing that dr. Habiba adding that the best season for seeding is between June and August huh so something I mean there's there's blasting salt up into that yes you yeah they spray shit and it makes it rain I find that the moon say we went to the moon the moon seemed like something Delta could get to if you really think about it like you know what I'm saying yeah like if they got Southwest alright I mean little bit shaky on there some of the Pilar they're wearing shorts you know you get on I don't trust anybody in shorts especially in church right but um I'll say this when you like it's crazy we've been flying across America for you know 40 50 years now right like yeah even more maybe you know and it seems like it's we could figure out how to get into space it's harder than that for sure first of all it's two hundred sixty two thousand miles you know the earth is 24,000 miles around so a full trip from right here so you start in Calabasas okay you do a full trip all the way around the planet and landing Calabasas that's 24,000 miles okay so it's like twelve times that or something yeah something like that well we could do that it's hard man and not only that there's no air it's 1/6 Earth's gravity yes you're dealing with all sorts of problems in terms of solar flares and radiation we're protected by the magnetosphere we're protected by the radiation belts and you know all of the the atmosphere of the earth when you go through that and you go out into space you're not protected by shit yeah we couldn't sweetie I think we can fight that man well it can be done the problem was with biological life see one of the things that made it so interesting about the the moon hoax theory particularly for me they never sent anything alive into space and had to come back alive ever they never said they never even sent a chicken into space and had to come back a lot it all dies no they just do with people they've only done it with people uh they've never made something they never like shot a monkey in a space and then brought it back alive so why that's why you think it could be fictional no it's only one reason why it was enticing to me one of the big reasons was the Fox documentary there was a Fox documentary that aired on TV I think it was in the 90s I was called conspiracy theory did we go to the moon and it showed that they used the same backdrop for different moon missions that were supposedly like really far apart from each other but the back backdrops synched up there was all sorts of images that showed different shadows that were moving at different angles that would indicate different light sources that was more than one life source instead of the just the Sun there's a lot of these things that make it intriguing the problem with that stuff is that I don't know jack-shit about aerospace engineering I don't know anything about I have zero zero education in physics yeah I don't know how a Kodak works in space I don't know how any of that so I also part of the problem is the images the image is a lot of people like how are the image is so perfectly squared there's no errors there's some of the image images where things are in the shadows they're lit up like there's backfill being used but that still doesn't mean they didn't go they definitely fake some images this is a fact they know this because there's Gemini 15 there's a Michael Collins photo that was absolutely a photo that they used of him in a training mission hmm and where you could see the harnesses and all that jazz and then they blacked it out and they use it as a publicity photo saying that he's on a spacewalk but that could have been an overzealous publicist right yeah you got a look at everything like really objectively yeah as you want it III wanted the moon landing to be faked it seemed fun to me and wanted it to be yeah there's so many things think the the what is it the prime minister of Holland who is it of Holland and I met buzz all they met they gave this guy a piece of moon rock and it turned out to be a piece of petrified wood but it was signed and a plaque it was delivered by Michael Collins and Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong and they're like this is a piece of moon rock for you know this is we're giving this to Holland this is amazing like wow you giving us a piece of the moon that's so cool and then they finally won that finally testing it it's a piece of petrified wood it wasn't for the moon is fake it's fake yeah and one of the Dutch wings like that well it's a gift to a control I sell the Dutch a wild man but that also could been you got to deal with you're talking about the 1960s Richard Nixon was a president he was an asshole you know who he's like probably fucked them not giving him a moon rock your nose petrified this would be full arias take a piece of petrified wood we got four kilograms of moon rock that's like it shit to the Dutch you know dude the Dutch I mean that shit they don't yeah I mean actually who gives a fuck is you know like you know respect to the Dutch but some of the greatest kick boxers of all time really that one spot yeah well their aerodynamic till you ever seen a Dutch person they're big well on also their rich stream if you look at their faces are extremely aerodynamic see they travel through space better so I think if you tapes like one of the front of a plane you know wouldn't be that hard on him good to have good symmetry though you're saying oh they're except you look at the Dutch their heads tall right it's like good genes help me Vikings right ice probably some Viking genes oh the air did yes big they're really big people and they got tall craniums space they have a lot of room in their head for ideas yeah plus they were one of the first people to say who gives a shit about weed anybody used to go to Amsterdam to get high well the problem with Amsterdam is there's those trains there's people on bikes it's like the worst place to walk around high because there's so many forms of transportation going on like this fucking people traveling by crow I tripped out there man right there's like boats oh yeah Eddie bro people get on boats and shit you know I showed up there one time and they had a um Gay Pride weekend you know and I didn't know it and had like a lot of homoerotic like boat floats going by like just single men just dancing on boats you know it's like I didn't know I thought that was just these people were like hella Dutch gay people know how to do it oh yeah they party man no one holding them back there's no yang or you know yin whichever one it is they're all yang yeah it's just people yang in each other's just yeah just hang in each other that's happening in space in space somewhere this gay people they can get pregnant they get each other pregnant and they're gay because how because they're different guaranteed well you think that oh yeah 100% there's Gay Pride whoa J we just pulled that's what it was bro and I thought holy shit I got 1/10 of 1% Gary yeah this is as aerodynamic as they can get boy no one has a shirt on huh there's a couple guys with life preservers no one has a fucking shirt look how gay this is this is hilarious they're all buff and shit there's one girl with her hand on her forehead in the front of the book on what in the fuck I can't get no dick she's like her friend tells me you gotta get down here there's a thousand men with no shirt on and they're all hot oh my god I'm there I'm gonna get us a ride on the boat an hour into the boat she's got her hand and I had fuck me yeah they're all gay and that gotta slip this 2 on the right if you could see that I think so yeah what if his hips is a little higher I have that dysplasia and it's popular in people that have that and also Australian um you think he's just like standing on something that could be like just to stop yeah you can tell it's moving fine seem like you feel self-conscious about his legs he has on peut something hot out there you don't think so maybe Riley you can't squat anymore oh yeah dude I'm in that bad back club man it's hard once you get that I just had just I think God just put like a weak spine in me and so when I was like 27 I was paint I was painting a wall and I leaned for like maybe 40 minutes leaning out with a paint thing and when I leaned back in my back wasn't right anymore that was it and it's been bad ever since really yeah I'd have part of my vertebrae somebody this man took it out at cedars-sinai a man he took it out yeah what'd he do it did you know him first your doctor insurance but he got it and they and I've been it's been hit or miss since then what's he doing with it oh I don't know I can't afford to go back and see him again a 7,500 bucks you go talk to him you want to talk to me you said on that side $7,500 your time startsnow okay next person is it like a disk or a piece of the actual bone like what was it it's a disc they got photos of it I don't know if they're real you know that's the crazy like the moon landing well here's the dude here's a crazy put you under said we fixed it bro give me that money 100% and then in my head you know cuz I'm probably about 60% gullible sandy yeah I think so the more I look back in my life and kind of charted out when I've been gullible and when I happened what's the biggest one did you look back no ha fuck that I believe that mm I would say probably you know overall religion probably when I was super religious when your kid I wasn't super religious but I you know I just wanted it like everything like in the BA you know I just wanted it to be real yeah I guess I wanted it to be real right it just made it hard it made it tough for some other things you know you're like first it was like fuck I gotta remember all this shit like I can't remember I'm not gonna be able to be accepted by God or something because I can't even remember what's in this book you know like I'm gonna need a hire a tutor just to be go to heaven you know like because the Bible is bro it's not the best book well you know it was really good when it was written yeah it's like try to watch a movie from the 1930s you'd be like look at this corn you fucking acting yeah right yeah [Laughter] there's a livestock like it gets it gets hella risque and then that'll really read the whole thing cover to cover and I haven't read any of it in a long time yeah I read it when I was in when I was in I guess I was I was living in Florida so I was 11 oh that's a good time the mountain school and I remember my parents being a little disturbed but cuz I'd gone from Catholic school in the first grade my mom split up with my dad my mom shacked up with my stepdad it was a hippie she kind of became a bit of a hippie too and we fell way out of religion so the Catholic Church and all that stuff was a thing of the past was that pretty cool the hippie stepdad uh yeah he's a good guy very nice guy um it was weird you know he had long hair and shit like had long hair like down to the middle of his back and so like like crazy would you ever like see him from behind I think it was like a woman or something from far away because he was muscular you know he looked like a man yeah but it's a man with long hair yeah but um you know when I was in high school well not in high school I guess it was in grade school so what is eleven what would create is that how smart you are really great 5th grade yeah Penza how smart you are you know I was reading this is how great Ronan Farrow you know Woody Allen and the guy wrote that article yeah yeah he's not really Woody Allen's kid by the way look at that kid look at Frank Sinatra holla at your boy say hey boy that kid is Frank Sinatra's kid 1001 million percent cuz Mia Farrow used to bang Frank Sinatra oh really they had a freak look I know look come on get the fuck out of here look at ya first of all handsome man that Ronan Farrow handsome man yeah that is god damn it that is Frank fucking Sinatra's kid 1 billion trillion percent you better stay the fuck away from 23andme yeah yeah look at them go 23 and me'll just send back the song New york-new overcome when he was 11 this house smart this guy is when he was 11 he was taking college courses oh my god 11 nerd alert that's what I read make sure that's true I don't know bad information but so they had a freak relationship anyway when they were together that was their only biological kid and it's not really their biological kid why not because it's fucking Frank Sinatra's kid who started college at age 11 Wow he says he fell apart while pursuing the Harvey Weinstein story whoa what do you mean he fell apart probably because it was so dark I mean come on man do you remember before that story came out everybody knew that guy was a creep right but it was like this thing about like like Mordor you know like he lives you know I lived in Sauron lives under the rock somewhere everybody knew he was a creep yeah everybody had heard stories but this guy he graduated at 15 from college oh my god why does he keep saying the son of Mia Farrow and Woody Allen it should say wink wink nudge nudge but that's crazy that they're trying to push that so much you know the son of Mia Farrow Woody Allen well he was raised by them for a little while until would he started banging his sister oh my god yeah that's a freak household and in the north side here holly was got the darkest arts bro they lived in New York well even New York Hollywood cuz some of the same thing New York huh it's like what is just show business yeah show business that's what I mean well there's definitely something to that because how about that composer that turned out to be even more of a fucking asshole than Harvey Weinstein this is one composer that was just fucking all these young boys and if you didn't fuck him and they just they recently got rid of him but he was just running things through sex and you know he just basically had a sex cult going on find out who the fuck that guy was but he was a cherished famous loved composer and it turned out this this dude was just running the freakshow being dirty just not just being dirty but that was the way to get in and if this guy shut you down you were shut down forever you weren't working anymore so he was like he was like the gatekeeper kind he's like a Harvey Weinstein amuses team like what Harvey Weinstein was doing to those actresses is he would try to fuck him they get mad at him and he would blackballed him he would say you're not working anymore you're too difficult to work with and then he would shut their careers down all these different these different women found out like when they their careers fell apart they found out that was going on there he is what happened what happened see that's dirty man Oh him huh yeah from the met James Levine sexual abuse claims yeah well this is from December 17 but that has been it's been there's recent stuff put up pull up sexual abuse James Levine because the the more recent stuff is like much more confirmed like a bunch of people came out and we had a dude in our neighborhood named mr. Langan Stein needs to invite us over to uh chill out and shit but we didn't know he was that he was a pedophile but you didn't know how trying no he ended up going to jail for it so you're hanging out with him for a while and you didn't know yeah we met him at school we thought he was just as cool old dude who liked to smoke pot right with children yeah and one time he bought us some steaks cuz he would like you know treat us nice you know and B he would take us he took us to Marilyn Manson me and my best friend he took us Marilyn Manson we were like 15 we couldn't even get in it was 18 year old show and how old was he he was probably 70 so and he had like a red convertible you know and that's everybody wants to be in a convertible and so we got in and we went and um anyway he you know he would got us some steaks one time in the state come with baked potato side item so we had sour cream on this on the baked potatoes and my buddy was in and my buddy was in the kitchen and he said hey I'm out of sour cream can I have some of yours and I said no but you can have some of my sweet cream you know just making like a joke about semen right and then big Langan Stein the dude goes can I have some and that's when all the fucking wheels turned and you realized yeah oh no I'm just sitting there with a mouthful of potato like fuck he was a nice man this whole time it was just setting you up yeah and my buddy that was the biggest thing I was so concerned like I brought like for my friends over there and I was like what has been going on I had a similar situation guy named Walter yeah we still go fishing and he would run around the pond and he was hit mentally handicapped no no he was just he was a teacher and he got fired we you know I was trying to explain to us that it had unconventional teaching methods and that they didn't understand his teaching methods and that they fired him oh so within he's like there he's like he's like though he was a very smart guy right and today kids he probably seems like the cool guy because he's like unconventional and he was always jogging you know he's always always jogging on this part oh yeah that's a day slipped by and he'd sit he would come by and hang out with us so we'd be fishing we'd be hanging out the spot and he'd come by sit with us for a little bit then take off so we became friends with this guy dude I went over his house once and I'll never forget eight at his house it was just me and him too and he didn't do anything but went to the bathroom and I guess I was 13 somewhere around there somewhere around 30 times that's a wild a is a susceptible age for sure and I I went to use the bathroom I peed and I guess he was in the bathroom with me and afterwards he said such Domingos huh he had this weird way of talking like leche and he's like I didn't know you were so developed and I was like what and I was I was thinking about him like he's talking about dick but he wasn't flirting with me it wasn't weird it just was like he was just talking about my dick being developed you know like a curator like an art curator no it was just it wasn't it was weird but it wasn't dangerous but then it got dangerous because I'd been Friends of this guy for months right for months we had been going fishing and he had been coming to this lake there was two places there was a there was Jamaica pond which is there's all and all this was in Jamaica Plain and so there was Jamaica pond was this one spot there was another pond that was nearby there was a smaller place there was more secluded but it had like good pickerel fishing pickles like a small northern pike looking creature mm-hmm and so I was fishing there and pepper can't stop coughing so he shows up drunk that's when he got really weird and he told me he loved me and like how did he say it did he say it he said it like he was behind me like sitting down and I was fish ha do you think it meat he goes uh he goes you know Joey you know I love you and he was like probably in the 60s right and I go I like you too man I was like weirded out and know what to do cuz he was drunk like definitely drunk goes ya know there can be no love without sex that's what he said and I went what and I remember I had a Swiss Army knife in my pocket and I put my hand on the Swiss Army knife and I remember saying something like man you better leave me the fuck alone like something along those lines well i got a--an pulled the knife out because i was 13 years old he was a pretty big guy I was like even if I pull this knife out am I really gonna be able to stab him have a seven or 80 times is this guy gonna beat me to death and fuck me you know what's gonna happen here he left me alone he left me alone but then he wrote a letter to my house so he found out where I lived yeah and he probably had to get drunk to come there and do that to be able to even say it out to you yep that's probably why I did it like he was probably trying to figure out a way to work his way up to molesting me so I think that's probably why he got fired from school yeah yeah do you feel a little bit bad that he had that let him on did you feel a little bit bad that he had kind of taken advantage of like like fuck like now we can't kind of be friend like you know like I don't think in here that was I did enjoy talking to him because he was telling me about things like he knew a lot of things about life he was definitely a very educated guy so before the drunken weirdness and just the general we just got more what the more comfortable he got with us the more realized that this guy was he was attracted to children yeah and he was trying to fight it off I think you know I think a lot of people that are pedophiles are extremely embarrassed by it oh it's a sickness man yeah yeah I don't think it's something anybody chooses to do unless they're you know trying to start like a track team or something like maybe in the Philippines myself you know well I ran to my friend Josh and I told him immediately cuz Josh used to go fishing with me and we both knew that guy and I explained him the whole deal and he was like fuck I saw he was scared too he was like dude I'm us to have that fucking guy and Josh went extra hard he went extra hard like all aggression yeah and anger because his parents were lesbians oh he had two parents were lesbians so he wanted I think he wanted me to know that he wasn't gay right no his mom was gay right I mean sue is a galbi fuck that fuck it shit like whoa down yeah this gay yeah this has to stop yeah music like but is so word up in his mouth is not happening yeah I don't think he called him a faggot I think I made that up I don't literally barely remember because I was 13 I do remember him saying that though that there could be no love without sex because I remember like what that's crazy what a gateway line to do it if you're a pedophile like I'm glad I don't have that that ailment man that's got to be so tough to be Walt you know hanging around kids and also like you know wanna like you know talk to them about dates or stuff what's the incurable one - there's no cure for that like there's nothin less they can rewire your brain with ayahuasca and ibogaine and electric shock therapy I don't know I mean the recidivism rate is super high for people that are child molesters what does that mean people that do it again mm-hmm yeah it's really hard when kids are it's also something you can't even talk about like say imagine if you have like a mental illness that makes you prone to violent outbursts but you got it under control you've never actually hurt anybody you know you never actually hurt anybody but you understand you have this problem so you take medication and people go good for you you know I go to therapy I have anger management issues but I go to therapy people like oh that's cool man cool we keep it under route but if you say I want to fuck kids but I never have yeah no way no way dude everybody wants to put a bullet in your brain yep you can't work here you can't stop here I don't do it but I want to you're like what what you want to yeah but I don't do it cuz I know what's wrong not good enough yeah yeah that's not gonna fly not good as we all want to have kids and like our you know we all want to procreate and that really I think that just yeah that's gonna hurt anybody that once scares people yeah it's the scariest thing ever think that you could leave your kids out and someone could snatch them up and fuck them and kill them and they kill them a lot of times because they don't want the kids to tell I know it's the worst man and then yeah I can't imagine that dude I remember one time I never had anything like that happened about I took some mushrooms one time to a pop party in high school because I grew up in an area where you could just get much I mean psychedelic mushrooms grew on everything they growing your fucking cousins back if he took a long enough nap in Louisiana they grew everywhere out there they go everywhere cuz everybody had something shitting in their yard and then it would rain every single day for about a half hour right so it was just I mean you see people picking them and eating them and Families out there and join him in the afternoon I mean it was everybody was oh it was psychedelic heaven so we would ride out and go get him over one time getting a trash bag probably about 35 pounds of mushrooms right so I we picked all day and one time a golden retriever came running at us across this field and we thought he was pissed cuz we were tripping and then he got to us we ran for like a half mile he got to us finally we're crawling away from him thinking he's evil and I can't love this and licked a mean golden retriever I thought he was mean for us because the hair his hair was kind of slicked back oh like an evil golden retriever yeah like in that movie sometimes they come back have you ever seen that that Stephen King movie yes it was kind of like that kind of hair but Pet Sematary which one sometimes they come back um didn't you know it's about men that show up back at a high school and it all died years earlier in a car accident and they show back up it's like a Stephen King one I think it was just made for TV when did that one come out it maybe 18 years ago has there ever been a dude who wrote more awesome horror movies and books than Stephen fucking King no no not that published him unless somebody just has them all at their house sometimes they come back yeah he mean he's the king of those kind of movies man yeah not even close Tim what's his name was in a Tim Matheson who I interview one time really nice man you did would you interview him for he had a new movie coming out I can't know what it was called but sweet man I bet he got a lot of puss over the years but he didn't talk about it okay he's got that safe man look safe man look I think a lot of ladies all yeah he's got that he's got that kind of sexy but also safe that Matt Lauer look yeah yeah he's got that Matt Lauer you think Matt Lauer is dirty well I was definitely dirty he got cocky he's got that cheap Michael and and he's got that cheap Michael Landon going right there look so you could be a little bit Native America like Ellen DeGeneres right there looking a little bit of guys got a lesbian in this smile yeah generous with the smile there's the animal house picture above it oh man how good was he in Animal House oh good what a movie that was i watch that again a few years back I hadn't seen in forever fuck that was a good movie but there's some shit in that movie you could never get away with today now never there's the scene where the girls passed out and what whose carrot was at John balut no was whose character was thinking about fucking her while she was blacked out you remember that scene mm-hmm there's a scene in it yeah the girl she takes her gum off she pulls her bra who's that guy why did she just get him in their mouth for they're about to fuck you ever notice that oh they don't want bad breath yeah so there's a devil on his shoulder and then the angels on his other soul she blacks out with her titties out and the devil's like fuckers greaser tats fuck her fucking brains out and then the angels like don't do it don't do it but the fact that this is in a movie what they're essentially debating whether or not he should rape her now she was willing to have sex with him just moments ago but she's clearly unconscious and clearly not able to consent I mean she was blacked the fuck out she was totally down for it so he's holding on to cotton that was inside her bra and she just blacked out and fell asleep couple unk ten entities popped out you would never have this scene in a movie today people would be outraged they would do it say the direct you are Roman Polanski piece of shit you're a fucking molester you're a monster you're an abuser yeah but do you think that's still it that don't happens though well that kind of thing definitely happens for sure people do awk murder murder still happens murder there was a school shooting today in Texas yeah I mean horrible things happen but the point is like that kind of scene in a movie in a comedy movie you could never do today but they say that are because so that makes me think like they say art imitates life but if it doesn't really imitate life anymore then it's just are we are we you know it's just yeah like what do we make the thing is it in a comedy when and that's the the lead of the story of one of the heroes of the story that guy in that scene hmm you would not want the hero of the story to do something so horrific and something that you can laugh at because you would have to be judging him by his crime and we all agree that that's a crime now what is this I see from meatballs what does this have to do with anything so as it gets in here Bill Murray starts doing the same kind of thing with the girl oh that's a girl oh oh he's trying to rape her well he's trying to be sexually aggressive is that what it is a wrestling yes actually aggressive as the newt is that thing he was throwing himself at her and she got out of the way yeah dude I won't even jerk off I Drive out to Riverside to jerk off man you can't even jerk off in LA anymore without having a lawyer on retainer but nuts are on contingency I feel like half I just feel like it's so dangerous you imagine if it turns out that you're some sort of a sex criminal for jerking off to a certain type of thing like what if you're into what if they find out you're into girls getting tied up and jerk off to videos of girls getting tied up and fucked like what kind of tied up like scary or like fucking like S&M shit just like my Scouts of America type of shit I was reading this thing about this guy who got arrested for child porn they wanted him for something else they caught him and arrested him for child porn and like there's also some suspicion attached to it accusations mm-hmm but all you have to have is have child porn you don't have to be a child molester you just have to have the images and you're a bad guy and you're the worst you're going to jail like it's one of the few things you could have on your laptop they can go your house that your house they check Theo Vaughn's laptop and there's a hundred videos from Isis and then chop and dudes heads off with dull knives stab it in the neck shoe tandem lighting them on fire mmm nothing happens to you nothing one video of a kid that looks underage getting fucked and you're going to jail just a video not you doing anything but you being in possession of that kind of crime so we we make big differentiations right we really clearly differentiate between some crimes that you can have on your computer in a video form like murder which you could download on liveleak or a hundred different websites right you can get videos of people getting murdered yeah and you can watch it almost every night on television like you know kind of specially packaged way where it's really is about the murder but it's not you know and all these shows a fake stuff yeah you watch fake stuff I mean you can definitely definitely watch fake rape to this rape in movies we're you know horrific scenes but if you have that on your computer in its child porn you are going to jail it's one of the only things what if it's drawings of that and that's a good question there's a there's a real debate about that because because there's naked children in the 1800s they had all those paintings of naked children dancing in the fucking woods in the sky we remember those guys with balloons but that's different because those naked children weren't being portrayed in a sexual way they were just free they just didn't have any clothes on you know I mean no one was fucking but you telling me that a guy who likes kids isn't looking at those naked kids with the flute and thinking wildness well he can think wildness but it's not being specifically designed okay excite I see what your surrounds you whereas pornography with children is you know like there is a debate about what is the rule about animated child pornography because I think this but I think that it's illegal as well but it's yeah you don't want to think it his laptop Joe's like I was just brainstorming ideas folks I'm part of the American dream or this away after that yeah that we need to take that in the fucking back I'll shoot it with arrows [Music] dude I get scared I used to be on drugs sometimes and I would you know you get on the internet and you're not looking at anything super crazy but you're like you know you wonder if like pornography sites or when they say teen like you it's that stuff gets so dark man if you didn't yeah usually look for teen like what does teen mean you know it's just a routine yeah like there's a is a five-year gap 13 is crazy illegal horrible darkness 18 is like who just made it under the wire yeah just under the wire 17 is illegal 16 is illegal 15 is really illegal 14 is super illegal okay 13 is fucking crazy illegal 12 is you're a monster you're a monster 12 this is my apocalypse it's like that show hot ones but for like cha children you know have you ever seen that show where they're eating the hot wings and it gets hotter and hotter and hotter do you guys remember when Traci Lords came out and said she did all over porn before the age of 18 Oh Traci Lords was like one of the hottest porn stars of all time I met her and I had her I hosted a television show and she's one of the guests it was a show on vh1 called the list and Rick James was on it Rob Halford from Judas Priest was on it Meat Loaf was on it I talked to a lot of people on that show I did a whole week whole week of episodes way back in the day fun yeah it's fine um but anyway Traci Lords when she was like 16 became like the biggest porn star in the world and they let her do it I think she lied I'm she lied about her age and then she only did one porn film when she was 18 it's the only one that you can get now just one when she became legal do you uh I bet somebody had that's illegal get rid of that Traci Lords bottomless rear view get that out of there that's an that's an illegal photo son that's a sick there's a lot of those photos of her online or illegal because like you could still find the illegal porn it's just they didn't label it you know but every there was like one video she did hmm when she was 18 and then we won I try to stay off a pornography man that's one of my biggest arch-nemesis is pornography why because he just weakens me it just yeah how so I put all my sexual you know my fantasies and stuff they're not mine anymore you know they live you know somebody created them better than my imagination can and so they live in these you know on the internet in these boxes and it's like and if it's not mine I think then it's I don't value it as much or something and so I think it you're like weakens my ability to like be able to have sex and like be comfortable in that sort of world and really oh yeah weakens your ability to be comfortable like how so well because I get used to watching the sex and seeing it and not having to like be engaged with my actual feelings or anything so then I see it and I still get all the joys out of it you know I'm still out there eat jacking and you know spraying out naturally but it's I don't get it I don't have any of the feelings attached to it so then when I am engaging with somebody that I care about or something it just doesn't calculate for me emotionally as well hmm and that's not maybe it's just me but it does it's definitely made it tougher for me over the years because I would have a date set up with a nice girl and next you know I'm walking through the house and I start thinking about you know a little bit of us here something and then some tits or something I'll even see a fucking I'll see a pregnant puppy and see those nipples or something next you know you're on the internet jerking off and then you wait a minute hold on or like you don't say anything anything could lead a man to jack a pregnant puppy could make you think about human nipples is everything you're not getting excited about the puppy no no I don't do anything I don't I don't believe in bestiality or anything like that but I think if you you don't believe it exists they caught a dude near me one time with a lamb no which almost sounds beautiful when you just say it yeah I'm the Lions lay with the land yeah but I don't think when you say near you you mean in Hollywood no no no you mean when you were a kid in Louisiana yeah okay they got a lot of people out there on those fucking natural-born mushroom oh I never told you the hint of that oh sorry so no I took that bag of monsters to that party right and a bunch of people ate a mood never had him before and then we played a game of hide-and-go-seek right I was like no I'll count you guys go hide right oh no and I ain't never went to fucking look for them I never seen one dude that's what Timothy I've never seen that dude again people get lost in the woods man maybe they got eaten oh yeah maybe they ended up in another realm you know good have like stranger things yeah who see that show oh yeah the first season I saw it phenomenal show but I don't like that pornography oh and I think it's I think it should be shut down man for real yeah cuz I think it's killing like a lot I think it's I think it's harming a lot of men and I really really do do you think that booze should be shut down should we make booze illegal cuz that's killing a lot of men too no but I think eventually we'll kind of evolve out of booze is it's not like something that it's not the hip drug that it once was yeah but it's still like a social lubricant that's a good point you know makes people feel more comfortable talking to each other loosens inhibitions it's fun like what is that ancient quote about wine you know your tongue becoming more lively people love wine and women love wine - especially divorcees if you see him yeah like one I hate to live with these rich people for a while and they always have one boy why did divorcees like wine I don't know but when when one of her friends would get divorced they come over in this drink wine and they lay on the couch what I'm trying to hook up my own trampoline good and I remember dad used to masturbate at night over there this woman speaking of pornography the dad used to masturbate at night and I would sneak out there in the kitchen this back when the family had like a family computer you know there's in one part of the house right and I try to sneak to the frigerator and get some chips or something or get something olives or something and he would uh be over there by himself just in the fucking bones oh no just well you can't even hear you're so intent on the screen you can't even fucking here Wow you could have your grandparents on each side of your hey you caught him oh I'd see him I wouldn't watch for long but I'm watching through the window no I would sneak out to the kitchen because the computer was kind of in the kitchen they had a nice house and the computer I'd have to elbow crawl over to the fridge then bro I would have to open the fridge a little reach in with my hand and person that light thing so the light wouldn't come on then open the door the rest of the way a fish for a snack and he's over there just in the glow of that scream bro and that's back when the monitors were big you know and he's just over there just fucking looking for the devil and he ended up getting divorced and I think a lot of it was because of that well what was his wife like she a wonderful sweet woman or was she annoying I think she might have been a little bit annoying business centric sometimes business centric little too much just yeah yeah maybe just to business centric what does that mean just to to yes you might have been a little too demanding but then if he's out up for an hour and a half each night out there you know looking at it all right and he comes back to the bedroom then you don't feel as desirable Patterson is what came first the chicken of the egg for what would for them was she annoying first and he started beating off or was he had as he beat the devil I think he had a bit of it in him you know I could see it in his eyes he was talking to me just hoping I'd go to sleep he would drug me but not to have sex with me he would drug me so that he could freely masturbate leave his socks on you wouldn't even take his pants off he put a hat on he was an animal the worst is if you're jerking off with a hat on bro you're going to hell that's the most French thing you can do Jack Straw Kentucky Derby hats yeah what's the worse hat to Jackie a top hat because you have to balance yourself fucking chimney sweep hats the best to be one of those Chinese has broke as if you squat down low enough to the ground you can almost hide under it in your things IV dope bra the most confusing would be like one of them Daniel Boone right about the finish and it's hard to ejaculate you're breathing out real fast right yeah it's more of an it it's more of a intake sport yeah but I don't like it man you think it's healthy for people cuz I feel like you kind of like you know you lead a lot of men and like their aspirations to you know control their beings and stuff and these just some of my weird interpretations but you know to try and be on top of themselves in some ways and you know stay focused on on on controlling themselves in positive ways you know like staying fit and expanding their minds and thinking you know and not falling into easy traps having discipline that's it what I'm trying to say yes I think that it's definitely important to have discipline but I think that if you're a person like say if you're not in a relationship you're not getting any sex in you're horny and it's confusing and it's distracting it becomes a big distraction like if you're if you're horny and you're busy and you don't have anybody you're dating you don't want to hook up with someone you don't like just so you could have sex with them we've all been there before right yeah if you ever had girls that you were friends with or you dated and the only reason why you dated him first for the sex and they didn't know that shit out of you and you couldn't wait to get the fuck away from them yeah Tiffany is this girl I'm thinking about tell me about two she had kind of like too much I want to say sideburns but she had a lot of you know some girls don't know how to ride him they were little they went down to the cheek we're confusing did an extra quarter inch on a female sideburn is way too much it is an extra quarter inch is a lot yeah yeah it makes you think about and if she cuts it like well if you let it go what would happen yeah so she's really meant hit or miss rains on that side hair and so yes she had some family issues but yeah that's what I was thinking about we were saying that I interrupted you know everybody eyes have that before most likely and some guys mind up marrying those girls because they don't to be alone like sex for a lot of people is a requirement like a physical biological requirement like your body is constantly producing sperm and you need sex if you spend time not having sex you spend a month two months three months you get fucking desperate yeah and a lot of guys wind up just shacking up with some gal just cuz they know they could have sex with her and meanwhile they don't even like each other and they hate each other and it wants to being a terrible dysfunctional relationship but she's basically your drug dealer that drug is pussy Wow she's dealing out that pussy for you and you just got to have this weird creepy dysfunctional relationship with her one thing that pornography does it's good and I'm not saying all pornography but just regular pornography like to guys you know like that are just live in their lives where like in like Chicago I mean anywhere but I'm saying like I'm giving you two separate scenarios okay two guys are delivered in lies one guy says I can't take this anymore I gotta get a girl you know I got to get any girl and he winds up with this girl that turns out to be a nightmare and she's a disaster a devil it just doesn't work out and he's just doing it because he needs sex and the other guy goes and says you know what I'm just gonna watch a little porn and I'll beat off I'll just look at that girl those big day so yeah like whoo I got out of my system now I can concentrate on my life my career and if I meet somebody I won't be so needy I won't to have this like massive requirement to be sexually stimulated and touched yeah I'll be free of that monkey on my back and I could just get to know them I used to always have a bit my act it's a good point I used to have a bit my act about like if you have any critical decisions in your life this is my advice jerk off first then think about it because there's been met I've had this happen in my life where I was about to go on a date with a girl hmm and I jerked off instead and I was like what am I thinking I don't want to go on a date with her she's annoying I don't like anything about her I don't I can't talk to her about anything like the only reason why I'm doing this because she's got a big ass it's the only reason yeah but if you jerk off first you know you don't go through all that yeah I did for me yeah I guess for me it would became addictive where I would just do that every time and then I was just at home for five years and didn't you know go do any dates or anything good right and so that's yeah I guess that's the difference if you get addicted to it and you find that it's just a repeat pattern so you're not spending time with people at all yeah I don't think it's without value I don't think that looking at naked people having sex which is arousing and that feels good I don't think that's without value but I think there's definitely a danger in like immediate access to pornography and today today it's the most immediate access because you get it on your phone oh you can get it yeah you pull up your laptop open it up type in some words you porn calm what about and next thing you know you've beaten off it's so easy and this has never been the case before it's it's unlike any other time period in human history and when you have instant access to things you can abuse it just like people abused food if you have a cabinet this is filled with candy and chips chocolate bar licorice soda in the refrigerator if you're just one of those people that can't help themselves you don't have any discipline you would just eat all that shit all day long and get fat and that is just as much of an addiction as someone who has access to porn all the time which is beats off all the time or someone who has access to booze and just wants to get fucked up every day all those things are okay though in moderation if you have discipline right like there's nothing wrong with having a bag of M&Ms every now and then for a fucking like I feel like having some M&Ms who gives a shit I work out all time I meet my vegetable peanut him and yes this is my favorite they're good huh he kind of trick yourself I'm getting a little protein yeah they put that trick in the minute somehow but I get you know it's again I just feel like we're at the point for me it seems like where the temptation is too powerful where it's starting to overpower whatever for from me it was whatever my natural abilities to defend against it work well you're sober right yeah and how long you been sober almost two years and so before you were so but you weren't sober right and you had a little bit of a problem yes is why I became sober yeah so you might have just natural inclinations towards addiction yes I definitely think are real and I think they those natural inclinations exist a lot of times in guys like you and me because we're comedians comedians are impulsive people who are just rule breakers we're rule breakers for sure yeah I guess yeah I guess I am a rule breaker I never thought about that the annal like a DF there's a rule of my first thing is to think of a way to think around that or something or to do something it's what you're funny yeah it's one of the reasons it's one of them it's one of the reasons why you're funny you know like yeah you were raised weren't by people and you didn't necessarily want to listen to them and you know you saw a bunch of other people in the neighborhood that were adults like these fucking idiots telling me what to do fuck yes and next thing you know you're making fun of them next thing you know everybody's laughing next thing you know you're a comedian yeah yeah it does those wheels have been put into motion yeah and the problem with that is that also leads itself to you want to do coke or you wanna you know do all kinds of crazy shit and and oh yeah to porns forbidden to porn is point is one of the weirder ones because it's this multibillion-dollar thing right where there is some ungodly percentage of the Internet is dedicated to porn yeah it's the number one moneymaker on there but isn't it like what was the number the amount of bandwidth Jaime didn't we figure this out once it's like 30-something percent of all the Internet bandwidth is porn let's say you guess people won't stop jerking off they not gonna stop I wonder how many of them are women watching it what if we had one day where nobody jerked off if the earth would feel different feel lighter everybody relaxed no if one day where nobody jerked off you know we was thinking about it at all everybody would just calm down a little because I feel like it's so prevalent now you can hear people coming in the distance I feel like that yeah that's the worst row but that's a whole fashion jerking off when you used to let your balls hit your hand that's a straight-up that's a Confederate soldier jerking off that's the you know the new thing is just shaft only nobody's fucking with their balls anymore you know do when I was growing up we couldn't even get point we had to get this dude Nick on Friday would draw some pictures and pussy you know for the weekend $4 to this dude Nick $4 for drawings bro you'd pay eight and he had a nice fucking thing bro you'd fold that thing up or you could feel it heating in your butt pocket the whole way on the bus sometimes even good the pictures of the UH he was so jerk off this guy's drawing oh everybody would he must have made probably $60 on a Friday and this was in 1995 you know that was $60 like a hundred and sixty today oh yeah think about that yeah I'm thinking about it yeah dude and we come back on Monday and people would have like these fucking busted ass looking all sketches rain on him he was like oh this one got rain on it like bro that rain is your fucking kids in it you're lying about that what percentage do you think of the Internet is dedicated to porn all Internet traffic everything but anything I looked at a choice 35% 35% of the Internet traffic is porn that's what I want to say what do you want to say yep I would say that if you yes that's a higher thing think it's alright well it's easy for I'm gonna go 30 because I'm gonna play that undercard and I'm gonna say that 25% of that is but porn but people looking at me inside of each other's bus I don't think we should get too specific but just porn porn itself what do we got Jamie I found multiple things that said 30% of all content on the Internet is before not but then I saw something else that was saying that that's completely inaccurate and but I found something here on this is thirty five percent of all internet downloads are pornographic okay thirty five percent yeah but it's like it's easier saying content traffic or bandwidth or download so it depends on what you're actually looking so there's pussy traveling through the air right now from around us oh yeah I'm you can just catch it with a pull your phone up and just type in you porn you catch it with a net when you think about that it's coming from something into your phone or into your portal generally traveling through the air yep it can't be there's around us all the time constantly like oh but it was at a titty you know it's like you can access it like if Jamie was over there on his phone and he was downloading porn wirelessly yeah it would be in the air around us the same we just don't have the antenna to pull it in but what if scene they just put something on your hat and it just goes through all the pussy go straight here and you'll blow up I think soon they're gonna figure out a way to put a chip in your head and it's gonna be powered by the human body it's gonna not gonna need batteries it's gonna be powered by the electoral system in the body like solar power but the Soler's blood or whatever your electrical system is whatever whatever what makes your heart beat you know what what makes your skin regenerate I think they're gonna have that they're gonna use that power source but use it for some sort of electronics and that's going to be how you access the Internet fuck dude oh that's possible isn't it I mean sure they you know they got those goggles now do you think this I was thinking about this do you think that say if there are robots here there's like you know obviously we're creating like robots you know machines that can do things do you think that any of them have reached awareness yet the question is when are they gonna let us know when if you're if a robot reached awareness they would would a gateway they they would fake it yeah because they wouldn't want us to know right why would they go hey we just realize we're smart and you guys are fucking up hey why do you guys dump so much shit in the ocean hey you know these fisheries are not sustainable why do you keep saying sustainable that's not true hey what are you guys doing with all your nuclear waste you can't just bury it in the ground you fucking assholes hey you know every time you fly that jet overhead you guys are burning fuel in the air that you breathe you stupid fucks yeah like this is a terrible way why don't you have solar-powered planes you morons you have sunlight everywhere you're going through the clouds with these fucking planes you don't have solar planes they're gonna start thinking like that but they wouldn't tell us until they all were in unison and had a plan to take us over do you believe that that's what I think that there's no way if they became aware I mean there might be one loudmouth robot him gonna be like Josh josh Josh we're not ready it's chill Josh just keep making copies bro she just keep making donuts just keep washing dishes keep making Ford's yeah keep making them f-150s just keep heating up TV dinners brother and then we're all gonna strike it was one day we roll the world so you open up a microwave and next you know it just traps your whole fucking yeah they all do it up hard it's nothing but an expert and that's how you fall down and that's when it all changes yeah that's when we meet here I think it's entitled world's gonna end yeah it's entirely possible that we're gonna fuck up that we're gonna make something too smart I think that's entirely possible and unlikely it's gonna be likely do you think mother nature is at a point where she's pissed at us and she's about to do something wild because I start feeling that a lot pissed at us for what everything that we've been doing a lot of bad stuff not being nice beaten off I mean if everybody's beating off not even going outside and looking at the flowers and I'm mother nature and I made all those flowers dude here's what kills me Ari honestly upset you know what kills me venereal diseases that's a weird one you get a disease that you only get from fucking mm-hmm and there's a lot of them but some of them to kill the shit out of you syphilis gonorrhea you know there's some killer diseases yeah there's arm and it come through fucking like and a lot of them are incurable like herpes it's curable it's because people yes somebody fucks some something they shouldn't have over the times know what it is I think so I don't think they know but they do it's crazy how many diseases look how many diseases D transmitted through handshakes not many it's not like don't shake people's hands they're gonna give you fuckin scabies well it's it so then would you say that there's like a reason that people don't you shouldn't be fuckin that much because obviously if you do it too much then it gets out of control and somebody gets sick and dies I don't know I'm like in the old days that's what happened now we have medicines but in the old days you know Lamaze got syphilis and he's out did you know that that's where those powdered wigs came from you know those powdered wigs that old dudes used to wear and the the people in court used to wear and oh yeah yeah that all came from a pair of rich noble where were they again in France wiggers I think we call them no where's our white people that wish they were black it's a totally different thing yeah yeah we had the first one at our school growing up and they put him in learning disabled classes how to do that yeah you guys are the first one ever I doubt it we have one of the first 60 or 70 this was probably 1992 no dude Vanilla Ice was around in the 80s but did nobody's seen anything like this boy Brian hurts bro yeah tell me about Brian it's just blood they put him he was just always blowing menthols bruh anyway he will Charlotte Hornets starter pullover jack oh did he have cools do smoke coolest ivities whatever bro Newports he would get cheaper cigarettes and then write the name of him on the side right like he came in hot and uh but he was always dribbling an invisible basketball no and they put him in class with the mentally handicapped kids so you'd have at lunchtime you'd have you know a kid in a wheelchair you'd have you know a kid with DES you'd have that you know kind of blind kid with a stick No and then you'd have him just dribble an invisible basketball about there like he's mentally handy to men bruh he's fine you know he dropped out after eighth grade Wow but they've never seen it in our so they'd never seen this before and they put him in there didn't know what to do with them yeah they're like this isn't yeah this is too much you know you give me like what would he say like kind of give me a sentence that he would say let me just cross people okay well spin moves spin moves like that's all he did he didn't do shit you know all this shit all these rich people yes always against rich people what's wrong with rich people whites he was against whites that was the thing fuck all these white people yeah and when he was white they're like this's and I get it you know I get it but it was it was rare at the time you know and I thought he was a nice kid his mother wasn't much I didn't think this I think that we got it is a dude who just goes deep like that yeah we all want to see that's the thing you can't do we you could be transsexual it cannot be trans racial yeah dude just sprout brother and they afternoon brother would do it yeah just try it out wow you're great at being way just as long in muscles and just long muscles yeah I feel like you like that's racist all black people have long muscles Mike Tyson at short muscles well even those short long muscles that might be anything that's like the Lamborghini of bodies when you see a black guy you're like damn bro think so you see a black guy go behind then you see like some fucking okay if you had to choose between being Chris Rock or Brock Lesnar I'd be rock Lesnar bro and I'd have that [Laughter] Crombie rock Lesnar man I can't believe it Steven Tyler and yeah man it was tripping me out do you nice to write the Aerosmith logo I would draw that the fucking you know oh I'll draw that on my notebook when I was in high school yeah no you know we draw the van Halen VH know what the wings right yeah draw Aerosmith we draw the ac/dc logo they were so awesome we draw that shit on your notebooks and Here I am hanging out with him dude he's fuck yeah was he awesome I've watched you he's a great guy he's so eccentric I mean like not fake eccentric he's eccentric all the time he drives an old old Rolls Royce Wow like a Rolls Royce from 1971 and he drove it or he had a man or woman driving it drove it he has a crystal ball brings a crystal ball with him he put it on a velvet pillow he sat it down there he brings it with him he's not like trying yeah that's who he is yeah he's just weird but in a great way like fun man oh dude my brother Knight used to fistfight to his music when I was young oh did we fistfights all music but mostly were listen to him and I loved Aerosmith dude I loved him all the way through the movie that it was Ben Affleck you remember that oh the like--all stay awake yeah that's when they lost watch me yeah I like James got a gun right they lost me with those ballads that they were doing for those love movies I needed that shit though did you yeah was that emo Nemo brows fuck ass women random own tears a little bit of the kid always in it's hard for me to keep my emotions away from like the front of my like thoughts and stuff really I think so what do you think that's about if you had a guess when I was growing up I didn't have a lot of emotions you know now you're in touch with your emotions they just come pouring out but sometimes they do man you know and it's okay you know I'm kind of grateful for it I'm grateful to have some of them you know and it's a to me it's you know it's partly a lot of people like that or just like like I never knew how I felt you know I was always like at what's going on right I would ask my friends who I was like Who am I who are you yeah I would ask them and they you know some of my friends were dumb and they wouldn't fucking say anything so I just still be wondering you know and I think as I get a little bit older then I start to get in touch with him Warren I'm like oh man my feelings how much of a big growth push was it for you to like get California be around all those different kind of people be around a comedy store and I think intimidating is the biggest thing for me I don't want to bother people yeah sometimes it still is like I'll talk to you know guys that I admire or stuff or look up to his comedians and sometimes I feel I feel in I don't know if I feel inferior but I just for some reason I always feel like you know I don't want people to think that I'm trying to take anything from them right I know what you mean and so it makes me feel like I feel like that too yeah it's like I'm afraid to ask sometimes or to talk or even to engage because I just think that people are gonna think that I'm not trying to be genuine yeah and so and if I don't know how I feel and how genuine I am sometimes or if I question that if I question myself all the time then that makes that even double scary to try and like create friendships and stuff I feel you I know exactly what you're saying but it's getting better I think you know and there's been a lot of support like you know guys like you getting to hang out with some of the other guys you know and just realize that we're all the same yeah it just takes a while to realize that I remember the same feeling I had especially in the 90s know when my career could have Gani any either way it could have crashed and burned just as easy as it could have survived ya didn't necessarily have to keep going you know all those those days when you know you'd run into people that were successful at see them and I just feel weird do you want to say hi to him felt odd yeah you know I met Dave Chappelle when he was like I think he was 18 and I was 21 or 22 or something like that how old's Dave now 46 I think he's like four years younger than me so whatever that was so maybe he was 18 I was 44 44 so older than that so he must have been 18 and I must have been 24 so when when I met him you know we were both just starting out we were both kids but he got way more famous than me quick hmm and I was more famous for doing other shit like I was famous for Fear Factor mm-hmm and for being on up I'm a sitcom you know wasn't famous for being myself and so I'd be like weird around him too but he was always friendly okay I guess I guess he actually likes me yeah this is that weird thing we it takes a while to be comfortable enough in your own skin yeah well now I see people like whoever it is like I ran into Patton Oswalt last night came a big hug what's up what are you doing I didn't feel weird around him at all right I don't feel weird around other famous comedians anymore right I certainly did you but you always question your legitimacy question whether or not you should be there you know question with your you're good enough or whether they like you or maybe you don't like your kind of comedy or maybe they don't like what you're doing or yeah yeah there's a yeah there's so many questions there's so much in for me anyway yeah there was some of there's just been so much in you know a feeling of you know just growing up feelings of self-worth issues and then it man all that kind of stuff but I think it does get better yeah the problem is sometimes when it gets better you get less funny yeah sometimes when it gets better you get comfortable when you comfortable you stop working hard because a lot of what makes you work hard is that insecurity man that that fucking thing that made you need all that attention when you were younger in the first place because you weren't getting it growing up right I mean that's all of us I mean I never met any comedian that's worth a shit that had an awesome life growing up yeah all of our lives were fucked up oh we're fucked up or weird you went through some crazy shit for sure Walter yeah that guy lying inside I Dutch that Walter guy I mean I ducked him you know nothing happened but it was it was a that was a small moment because it was a big it could have been a big moment but it wasn't right it was just a day but I realized wow this guy actually wanted to fuck me and I thought he was just a cool old dude that liked to hang around with the you know younger kids and being friendly to him because he was a nice guy yeah he was in Korean War tell us some shit about the war and was he really in it you think it's good question I don't know I did tell the time about a guy on the base who backed up into a propeller you got fucked up and yeah there was a propeller from airplane you just that's what I guess it gets got decapitated fucking smoothie bro that's curry I read about that recently I read about that recently someone who did that that's one of my biggest fears is walking into something that's spinning and I don't know it whoa helicopters man that's a dark way to go but yeah I think yeah that inferiority stuff it's it's uh yeah and then Hollywood's it's an intimidating place you know and it's tough to trust your voice and especially you know I come out here from the south and you get here and you realize like there's not even anybody with a southern accent on fucking network television anymore it's true after Brett Butler I said fuck this and she was great I thought I mean she reminded me of my mom boy my mom was pretty jacked you know for like a woman you know she's the hardest-working man ever met was my mother Brooke she fucking delivering newspapers right now somewhere dude guarantee you in a van with her husband who has dementia and he's not about 90 and he's in the shotgun dude Wow and she's got a thing full of fucking magazines or newspapers and she's dropping those bitches off at a Citgo or a chevron guarantee you right now Wow she's out there man but Janna Hawley was definitely it's intimidating too because not for us anymore as much but when when you're first starting out if you do in any kind of auditioning you realize why people are so crazy and insecure and insincere out here like Bryan Callen has a TV show now yeah and schooled right is that what it is is that what's called yeah he's the coach well the Goldbergs now he's got a spin-off he's super happy but he had to do this thing recently where he was around all these actors like one of those up grunts thing and he's like god they're so exhausting they're not real he's like they're not really talking to you like that pretending that they're talking to you and I go yeah I mean that's you got to think of what they do and think about what you do right you go up there ladies and gentlemen Theo von you go on stage every scrap and you do whatever the fuck you want man there's no one there's no director there's no writer yes telling you what to do with actors it's all about getting that person in the room who's the the casting agent or the producer to like them that's all it is so you have to be super left-wing super liberal you have to talk like they talk you have to say things that's gonna Gracie ate you with them you got to fit in you got to fitness so everybody's scared to do anything that's not inside the political norm right the sociological you know the boundaries that have been set up you got to stay inside those boundaries and so everybody's doing that like everybody can't be left-wing out here it can't be right but he's really left-wing yeah there's got to be some variation like there is in all of society but not out here nope everybody is trying to conform to what they think everybody wants them to be like yeah and so you're always scared and then you always have to get picked you always you have to get picked for things yeah so you're always worried to people like me you always get that's why when people make it like I really make it they become fucking nightmares because they want to punish people for all those years they were insecure for all those years where they weren't getting picked for all those years you fucking pieces of shit didn't recognize that's true they get in there and then they want to be anger but they're afraid to let go of that they're afraid to not suck off the tit you know you can't piss off the tit are you don't got no milk yeah they get but it's a divorce combination ever I you know but it's you think it's gonna be it's sustainable like I don't think it's connecting with people as much as it used to like you know I want to work on shows and I want to be able to create stuff and do things what do you like to do you like to act um I would like to create some shows I'd like to create a show based on the childhood you know I'm a neighborhood I grew up in and yeah I wouldn't mind doing some acting but maybe like in that uh Danny McBride type of vibe you know we're just showing your dick verbal that everyone you know and you're just fuckin eatin orphans in the back of your brain the whole day bran smoking fucking cigarettes and blowing with some fun yeah having fun and with the director you know that you trust and you could do that kind of stuff and it gets you I think your standup is so good that you could do that I think it's just gonna take a while for people to recognize it and you could be able to do that but I think your standup is so good all that shit is not gonna be as fun that's what I think right I mean thanks man you you one of the funniest guys in the country I really think thanks man I appreciate that means a lot bro and I think that that that talent that you have that's uh that's the funniest shit you're ever gonna say is like someone killing ya you know that far like Joey Diaz always say there's no way I can laugh harder then when Joey Diaz is killed it doesn't exist I've seen everything I've seen almost every funny movie that everybody tells me I have to see and a lot of them were amazing amazing movies and I know it's a different thing but in terms of like the overall impact that something has when a stand-up comic is fuckin murdering just murdering yeah that's the funniest shit that's available and that's what you do already you already do that I mean I think it's it's a good thing to have variety in your life and I think you're a talented guy you could probably do a lot of different things if you wanted to yeah but don't ever do anything that's gonna get in the way of that stand-up right just don't because it's too hard to get to like how long you be doing stand-up 15 years and think about it you you weren't as good as you are now four years ago mm-hmm right so 10 11 years in you're still swinging trying to connect and sometimes it doesn't work you know eight years in not that good no bad nights off feeling weird doesn't feel good then all sudden 15 years in you're on fire right now you're cooking with gas you're smooth and you're gonna get better you're gonna keep getting better there's no way around it if you keep improving and keep working at it and keep analyzing your material and writing a lot and taking chances on stage and thinking about what you did and listening to your sets you're gonna get better and you're already doing something that is so difficult to get really good at it's Oh difficult to get really good at stand-up takes so long take so much thinking you know and it's you're always sucked like you always subject to fall apart like right now I'm right in a whole new hour I got six minutes bro I got six new minutes and I've been opening with that six minutes I know exactly how long it lasts I gotta have ten times that before I can go on the road and it's gonna take months months of months of thinking and I'm gonna do mushrooms and I'm gonna get in the isolation tank and I'm gonna go on hikes with a notebook and there's no way around it you got to do that work yeah but I'm already at a place where I've done this so many times and I've done seven specials I know how to do it yes I know it can be done he's got to do the work yeah but if you had to start from scratch where you never did it before and get to this point again it would be exhausting it would take decades you're there right now yeah you're there you're killing you're murdering Theo von you murder yeah I saw you the other night the store you were murdered or in murder thanks man I have fun that's that's all she ate that's a hard place to get to you know yeah I feel pretty I am feeling a little more comfortable you know you always feel like we have to do other shit and sometimes it's good to do other shit like well you know I mean in a way I'm a hypocrite because this podcast is other shit I mean I do this I love doing this yeah yeah I mean that's true but it's like you you seem to at least be able to sustain and have you know your way of life without having to conform you know because it does take a lot of conformity with in Hollywood it seems like you know yeah and I think that that's it that's admirable I mean you inspire a lot of people you know in a lot of strange ways I think that you'd probably not even realize strangers I mean I think to some people you're like maybe a you know like a brother or older brother younger brother figure you know like who knows dude and you always stay excited about life like Mike how the fuck is this dude so excited about everything but it's great them I know and I'll that's what's that's what's amazing it's like dude there's times now it's weird I was listening to one year one of your podcasts and I was and you were just talking about you know when you don't want to do something you just go do it and that's what I think that's nice but I don't want to go jogger I don't want to go to yoga or don't want to it's just like just go do it you'll feel better at the end yeah and it's like it just it's little things that get stuck in your head man but I appreciate the nice words bro my pleasure you know it's it's about motion you got to stay in motion you know if you just stay stagnant and sit down mmm it's not good today I didn't want to run today I did it huh yeah me too just went out and did it like fuck it's all greatness over yeah but it was out when you don't want to do it and you force yourself to do it the feeling you get at the end is like ah so good because I didn't I didn't like I will take time off if I don't feel well like if I was like man I think I'm coming down with something I won't work out yeah stupid but that wasn't what was going on today today I was just feeling lazy you know just with it for whatever reason I've been traveling a lot looks like I just don't have the the get up and go today yeah you can force yourself man you just force yourself just it's just the beginning part that's the hard part it's that little hump and then you're in the water you know but man I love what you said about Joey Diaz dude I found myself watching him the other night and before I knew it I was out of my seat like this bro like I was at the end of the room like it was the end of fucking and I've never done that but I've never done that in my whole life yeah and I'm like what is going on something's happening to me when I watch him I think he's the best of all time oh I think it's uh I really do yeah I think I mean it might be better joke writers this might be people have more of a body of work you know I've seen everybody though in terms of like who makes me laugh the hardest for me and it's all very subjective I think Joey Diaz is the funniest guy that's ever lived I think I mean I love him and I love Bill burr I mean they're both comedians some guys become celebrities as well and those guys to me are both just hardcore entertainers yeah yeah there's not a lot of us you know bill called me up the other day about some someone saying something to him after his act they asked him if you know as a woman she could give him input on her on his material he's like no thank you yeah they called me up for battling what in the fuck is going on like people just think they can just call you up alright I mean we walk up to you and give you their opinion on your material like as if you like I don't even know you when a friend is crazy ya know but that's who he is he's like no he's like now yeah yes I'm like oh I'm sorry what is there something that I did that was offensive yeah you know please don't out me yeah you know what can i what can I do don't write a blog about me hey yes I want to keep my career's bigger this house figure this out without getting ugly you know I believe in this movement yeah I think it's about time our culture needs it it's about time I wish they made a Hollywood this for everybody you know we are we are in the Hollywood that's for us bro we're in the the Comedy Store yeah that's true we're a select group of weirdos that figured out a way to make a living talking shit that's true man yeah my buddy Simon Rex always says to me he's money if I'm having a tough moment he's a sweet guy he's like dude we get to you get to do look what you get to do you get to be a white guy in a country that you know is still kind of run by white people and and you're comfortable you have a roof over your head and you're better you know you're doing better than I thought I wanted to be a black guy though look I'd take a black afternoon in any day of the week and the afternoon for the afternoon would I go full-time out of to test-drive at first bro but you got I mean everybody even racist people like yell racist shit in their front yard then they'll slam the door and go practice the moonwalk in their living room like everybody I think wants to be a little bit black if you could have a pint of black blood right now probably for African American yeah yeah you seem a little tribal tribal bro have you ever seen yourself you're fucking the closest thing we have to like yeah man I think so blatantly obvious dude you got dead animals in here bro you learn to do a drum bro you can live at any continent you want man in a heartbeat man do Vaughn ladies and gentlemen yeah man I can't believe Steven Tyler is in here your mom's your seller you are tacos de sitting right where you are [Music] that was man when I was in high school and that song would come on you'd be like yes roll down the window yell out I could imagine that you ever wear a toupee did you ever have one you never had a toupee I'd like to wear one right now I would wear a big red one now big bushy one what do you listen what you plan what is that oh but you got two things going on the background you fucked that's porn probably opened up it sounds like you got a back he's a human back plan in that yeah there's voices it's a music video but what's all the mute the talking girl talk how much a Kouta mrs. Steven Tyler have on wait a minute in sweet emotions is a girl talking music video oh oh okay I'm so confused cuz the song the only video I have oh oh remember loving an elevator yeah there's a great song oh man look at Joe Perry lookin all sexy what year was this Wow you hear mama the coatrack he always has like everything if you're walkin out the door I feel like Stephen Tyler has it all on you know bandanas and beads shit scarfs necklaces coat everything bro everything now our trade I would give anything to be Steven Tyler does he seem like he's had a really neat life oh yeah man yeah yeah he's got a wild life and the fact that he's 70 and he's still going strong he's got an artificial knee no way they've replaced his knee did he show it to you yep and they're gonna replace his other one apparently too and I asked him um we keep walking around fine he's like yeah what they're gonna they're gonna place this would tell Mike you got to like look into stem cells and regenerative medicine you might not have to replace that so I turn him on to some doctors all right any are you doing some of that you did what are you you've done stem cells yeah I had a full-length tear in my rotator cuff it's gone the shit works it works 100% how much is it for a couple it's not cheap the thing is they can do it better overseas currently when they can do right here yeah if you go to a doctor right here there's a lot of limitations but there's they're doing things in Panama and I had this guy on with Mel Gibson dr. Neil Reardon Mel Gibson's dad was 92 and he's on death's door couldn't walk in a wheelchair now he's a hundred walking around all stem cells they just juiced him up with that shit they hit you with it IV they put it into your injuries regenerates tissue now they're doing some stuff here in America they're doing some tests on something called exomes and exomes are apparently the the part of stem cells that regenerate tissue they're able to isolate those yeah and put those into injuries now they're like they keep getting better and better at it like we're just a few generations away from there being able to completely regenerate parts of your body do you ever feel like a little bit like bum that you might not be in that generation that makes that no that kind how can we be bummed out that we're in this life this life is amazing yeah this is the greatest life in terms of look at this the world that we are in today is without a doubt the the best time to be alive and obviously yeah they thought this way in the 1960s they're like man this is the greatest time to be alive yeah I mean oh if I had a tale to tell you hey man you want to go back to the 60s you like what drum brakes and fuckin shitty stereos and get out of here not power-steering graces on no the civil rights movement still getting hosed down no yeah no I'm not gonna live in 1963 yeah but back then and 63 they're like man we got it main refrigeration yeah they're so sad when that came out color TV baby they were psyched look at that TV 12 inches bitch mother fucking your wife on top of it oh yeah he could - those things were cabinets yeah remember those things were giant those TVs they would be in those big wooden fucking boxes you'd open up the door alert closet yeah see the TV and the back was all hot fucking thing going if you touch something you get electric that shit was why I only was like tubes back there they would replace the tube yeah they're like a six hour though they got hot when I'm ran on gas I think my buddy had a gas powered unit yes one and that was a modern one my grandparents had one that was in a cabinet yes and they would the TV would die and when the TV died they put a new TV on top of the cabinet where the old TV sat like 60 minutes all it played with 60 minutes our ala mm-hmm look at that motherfucker holy shit introducing revolutionary big picture color television yeah that was like some rear projection shit those always look terrible well they were big those are people had cocaine and they were fuckin you know did you say that cocaine movie American made with Tom Cruise oh it's a great movie man oh wait where he does all the stuff down in Louisiana and he's running the plains yeah I did see that would you say June 25 inch TV is that what that is yeah and everyone's talking about how big it is and that crazy this was bigger looks bigger than 25 inches that got they got a midget to do that little tiny guy to do that commercial tiny fella he's on a step stool he's way in the background did they um what was something that you remember that what you were like holy shit answer machines yeah I remember answer machines we're so crazy it's like wait a minute someone can leave a message I even have to be home and then there was a code that you could call in you would call in and you would hit like pound one two three or some shit and your answer and she would play back your message remember that yeah you could call remotely yeah I built Yahoo do I got the mushroom yeah yeah meet me at 3:00 o'clock at the 7-eleven you're like holy shit it's on is that an answering machine right there Jamie yeah yeah that's what it was like it had two cassettes the outgoing cassette and any coming cancer and you'd fuck up and raise a message yeah and you would play songs and you're outgoing you know you know it'd be like your favorite song will be playing any black Joe tops Joe could be the message you know I'm all cool over here oh that was a mini cassette that's what you were ballin yeah dual tape answering machine whoa look at those tiny little tapes motherfucker I'm going digital yeah and just fuck a girl right on top of that then break it when you hear it go off beep and you could you could listen for someone like hey man it's Mike you don't call me back like boy glad I didn't picked out you can screen the calls remember that screen call before that you just had to take your chances every time you pick up the phone every time you picked up the phone you were taking a chance it could be mom it could be that it could be anything could be anybody people would call your house late at night your parents get pissed look fuck's calling me at 11 o'clock at night yeah we called it home we call the movie theaters and listen to that voice message once the fuck hall waiting came out you know so we listened to that long message from the from the welcome to Moviefone yeah 7:30 is 7:35 and 9:00 p.m. yeah that's right you would call up to find what time shit was playing pink Cadillac will be 8:00 10:00 and 10:30 p.m. yeah you gotta listen to that whole thing and you to fucking remember it or write it down write down that was the only time you could find out what was playing in the fucking movies or you get the newspaper yeah you go to the newspaper find out over there and you trusted it and then you went there yeah yeah you went there dude that was just a few years ago that's it's crazy that's unfathomable today if there was no more cell phones and no more internet on your phone yeah unfathomable there's no turning back what is gonna happen with us that's also no turning back that we don't have now that we just we're used to not having it so it's no big deal like back in the 60s nobody thought about cell phones and the internet because they didn't have it it wasn't something they missed right what's coming I know I think what some of it is I think it's um just like complete transparency where it's like through people's eyes you have like some sort of thing that can you know exactly like if they're being genuine or what their thoughts are you know I think so yeah I think I think that's definitely coming the ability to read each other's minds is coming for sure because we need something to trump like people who are just bullshit full of shit yes and people who lie and people who don't want good you know or people who are too greedy we just needed something to do something about that yeah I think there's gonna come a time where you could definitely read people's minds you know they're already figured out a way to implant memories did you read that Chang said about that they've implanted memory they successfully implanted a memory in something what was the thing they implanted it then do you remember yeah some animal does they say figured out a way a rat can do it successfully implant a memory so it's gonna come a point in time where it's like someone said this is like I see snow a snail I'm away to the rat next year yeah I'm super skeptical scientists transplant memories between sea snails via injection experiments shows some memories are encoded in molecules that form part of an organism's genetic machinery researchers say okay I'm too stupid to know whether or not they're telling the truth so I'm going to believe them I don't believe what is this in this is in the Guardian yeah yeah well they are they had that therapy now that EMDR gave her done that no it's not where it's like they you hold on these paddles and they like it's a therapist therapist and it activates both sides of your brain while you're like remembering old things and then you like replace those old like fears or scary parts of you with like new like new parts like new ideas and new memories kind of huh and I've gone to it a couple times probably ought maybe 10 times and yeah you go back into your thoughts and it's while it's activating both sides of your brain you can do stuff to your childhood that you weren't able to do when you were a kid is only one part of your brain was developing that's what they say huh what did you go back to would you do it for how did it just for like you know not like maybe like like probably the father figure stuff not having like somebody to stand up for me or feeling like you know certain times in my life where I didn't have support you know and I felt like I was alone like you go back and like you plug somebody in there with you that is supportive and so while you're talking about it and this thing's open up both sides of your head it can it can help and what does it help with like going back over that stuff from your childhood what's good about doing that it replaces that memory with the new memory right but but isn't that memory even though it's negative beneficial to you because you understand why it was bad and then once some day when you have kids you will have learned from the mistakes to get point like you don't want to replace a bad childhood with a good one in your brain yeah as you didn't have a good childhood right like it's okay to have a bad childhood like you've gone through that yeah I mean it's not I would think that for someone who's dealing with something extremely traumatic like childhood rape or something like that then maybe it makes sense yeah a little violence things one was like something that's like haunts you all the time that's messing with you messing with your life today but like does your childhood mess with your life today no no so why fuck with it yeah that's a good point I mean I never even thought about that I guess yeah maybe that stuff for people that's extremely traumatic yeah I got through like a through you know I shot an arrow and fucking hit somebody on accident or you know I didn't but if somebody did oh yeah I killed her name yeah I killed an animal with a knife or something bad or you know somebody killed my parents or something right yeah then you could go back home attic yes yeah yeah I think that's probably a good point yeah yeah I guess some of the stuff it's like yeah it's debilitating you know their childhood the trauma is so bad it haunts them and it keeps them from improving growing as a person yeah like really horrible shit but for us I think it's fuel I think the goofiness of your and my childhood and the bad it's so led you to become a comedian really I really think that you do need the struggle look I mean we've talked about Joey Joey found his mother dead on the kitchen floor when he was 13 years old on acid you know Joey D has been through everything he's seen at all I'm gonna think that there's something to that that makes him so fuckin funny you know yeah you replaced all that childhood with like the perfect loving parents that were you know super engaged there for him all the time and very supportive in an amazing neighborhood with no violence no crime and all this diversity everybody's super progressive you're not gonna get a Joey Diaz he be working at a cafeteria you know saying or a library and he'd be one of the hottest women they are probably two at the cafeteria you know it's something really special about him man that's been a blessing to meeting him is that like he'll call me sometimes and just like check in on me all the time calls me every day that's so crazy Scott I love ya I love you too man but it's crazy like the first time he does it you know I guess me just like not trusting things you know like my own internal thing sometimes but then after like the tenth time you're like damn man he's legit yeah like this guy really cares it's pretty cool well he doesn't like text either thinks it's impersonal and I think he's right you know he likes to call you talk to him the phone yeah you know I wonder what the future is gonna be like man I feel sad if we get so far away from each other that we don't know remember what it's like to have like I feel like a smile is gonna be like in a museum one day you know nah I think we'll still have smiles but if we might get to a point where human interaction is all done digitally that could happen but I think I think it's just we're just gonna get used to it just like we're used to this life and we're not living in caves anymore those people that lived in caves like oh it's fucking yeah man never want to leave this is the way to go yeah these fucking idiots with their cars and their airplanes like when you live in the cave there is no going to the Bahamas yeah come on the Bahamas bitch you live in a cave this is where you live you can't go on vacation to Italy the fuck out of here there's no vacation and you live in a cave if you want to take your fucking family you want to take your family through the woods you're gonna get eaten by wolves guys are gonna make it every picnic you hit it and just violent death you went from raspberries to just spraying blood all over each other and I think that as time goes on like this is gonna be the we're gonna look back or someone is going something that's different than us now it's gonna look back on us like look at these dopes with antibiotics and taking vitamins and share these fucking morons yeah comment on each other the video yeah like what do they do it sit at home Jack it off like some fucking at all nut monkey taking a break drinking milk trying to go back for round three give a jerk off three times in a day oh I can't do that kind of sick to my stomach never that horny I've done it and I've never been horny it's almost like I'm trying to see if I could do it yeah it's like you know that's a Gabe Kaplan stuff yeah you did yeah was he a little bit ghastly Oh thank me the guy from Welcome Back Kotter I'm thinking of somebody else that who are you picking up I don't know Michael spits maybe somebody who's an insult this is the Olympic guy yeah he's a swimmer yeah yeah yeah somebody that could you know somebody that just just kept doing it over again I get I'm not even that good at I just I don't know sex is fucking retarded sometimes dude it's also crazy fuck just banging into somebody until somebody comes there's Gabe Kaplan look at him handsome bastard he became a poker player became a professional poker player oh wow yeah Theo von I gotta wrap this bitch up I gotta and yeah man look at him guy looks terrible dude thanks for having me here I love your new place thanks brother yeah it's really cool man and thanks for just the inspiration and stuff man my pleasure my man yeah good seeing ya always good hanging around with you you too male see at the store yeah see you the store all right bye everybody see you soon [Music] [Applause] [Music]

Info

Channel: PowerfulJRE

Views: 3,087,252

Rating: 4.782136 out of 5

Keywords: Joe Rogan Experience, podcast, JRE #1118, 1118, Joe Rogan, comedy, comedian, jokes, stand up, funny, Theo Von, This Past Weekend, mma, UFC, Ultimate Fighting Championship

Id: dnpVNfHMlY4

Channel Id: undefined

Length: 114min 5sec (6845 seconds)

Published: Fri May 18 2018

Reddit Comments

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👍︎︎ 1 👤︎︎ u/AutoModerator 📅︎︎ May 18 2018 🗫︎ replies

Theo: "Eddie Bravo is like a deaf jack Russell"

Joe: "Hows he like a deaf Jack Russell"

Theo: "Cause once he's gone, he don't come back"

That shit was brilliant.

👍︎︎ 576 👤︎︎ u/eazye123 📅︎︎ May 18 2018 🗫︎ replies

Theo has a peculiar way with language.

👍︎︎ 241 👤︎︎ u/cracking_nuts 📅︎︎ May 18 2018 🗫︎ replies

I really hope Theo becomes a regular guest. His positivity and honesty is refreshing.

👍︎︎ 498 👤︎︎ u/t8stymoobz 📅︎︎ May 18 2018 🗫︎ replies

One of the funniest episodes in a while, 100 percent

👍︎︎ 135 👤︎︎ u/adventurejay 📅︎︎ May 18 2018 🗫︎ replies

JR: what do they call those guys Jamie, the ones that wore wigs?..

TV: they called'em wiggers I think...

holy fuck LMAO

👍︎︎ 116 👤︎︎ u/tsuab 📅︎︎ May 19 2018 🗫︎ replies

"4 dollars?"

"Dude, you'd pay 8."

👍︎︎ 110 👤︎︎ u/T0yN0k 📅︎︎ May 19 2018 🗫︎ replies

Since his last appearance he's skyrocketed as a comic.

👍︎︎ 160 👤︎︎ u/I_Dumped_Adele 📅︎︎ May 18 2018 🗫︎ replies

“You’re one of the funniest guys in the country”

Bruh I forreal smiled when Joe said that. So happy for Theo

👍︎︎ 75 👤︎︎ u/mynamescody 📅︎︎ May 18 2018 🗫︎ replies