>>> ALL RIGHT, WE ARE BACK NOW WITH A REMARKABLE WOMAN AND FELLOW TEXAN JOANNA GAINES, A DECADE AGO THE SHOW "FIXER UPPER" LAUNCHED JOANNA AND HER HUSBAND CHIP INTO THE SPOTLIGHT AND INTO THE HEARTS OF HOME INNOVATION LOVERS EVERYWHERE. >> JOANNA REFLECTS ON HER JOURNEY FROM SHY LITTLE GIRL TO HEADING UP HER MAGNOLIA EMPIRE IN HER MEMOIR, A BEAUTIFUL BOOK CALLED "THE STORIES WE TELL." HERE'S JOANNA IN HER OWN WORDS. >> IT STARTED WITH A PICTURE YOU SEE ON THE COVER OF THIS BOOK. BECAUSE THAT LITTLE GIRL, THE ONE WITH THE MISSING TOOTH AND MESSY HAIR, SHE KNEW WHO SHE WAS BEFORE THE WORLD CHIMED IN. AND PART OF WRITING MY STORY DOWN HAS BEEN IN HOPES OF FINDING HER AGAIN. THINGS HAVE GOTTEN BLURRY. I HAVE GOTTEN BLURRY. MY 44th BIRTHDAY WAS JUST AROUND THE CORNER AND I WAS REALIZING THAT THE FIRST TIME THAT IT MEANT I WAS NEARLY HALFWAY THROUGH THIS LIFE OF MINE. I LOOKED AROUND AT WHAT I HAD BUILT WITH EQUAL PARTS GRATITUDE AND EXHAUSTION, THE LAST 20 YEARS HAVE BEEN A HECK OF A RIDE, MY ADRENALINE WAS SLOWING, REVEALING IN ITS ABSENCE INSECURITIES AND UNHEALTHY HABITS FROM WAY BACK WHEN THAT I HAD BEEN MOVING TOO FAST TO DEAL WITH. I STARTED TO EXPERIENCE ANXIETY FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE. IT WAS TAKING ME LONGER TO BE INSPIRED, BUT LESS TIME TO BECOME TIRED. AND BECAUSE MY WORLD KEPT ME BUSY, I COULD STILL FEEL THE WHEELS OF MY LIFE HUMMING. WHAT BECAME HARDER TO TELL IS WHERE THEY WERE HEADED. >> OH, JOANNA'S MEMOIR IS CALLED "THE STORIES WE TELL." WE'RE SO HAPPY YOU'RE HERE. THIS IS INTERESTING TO ME. YOU DOCUMENTED YOUR LIFE THROUGHOUT. YOU'VE TAKEN A PEN TO PAPER, SCRIBBLED DOWN YOUR THOUGHTS AND EMOTIONS AND WE WANT TO GET INTO THE LITTLE GIRL WHO GREW UP WITH A KOREAN MOM AND AMERICAN DAD AND WAS TRYING TO FIND WHO SHE WAS. >> YEAH. >> HOW WAS THAT NAVIGATING THOSE WATERS? WHEN DID YOU FIRST REALIZE, WAIT A MINUTE, THERE'S SOMETHING DIFFERENT ABOUT ME, I'M NOTICED. >> IT WAS THE YEAR OF THE LITTLE GIRL ON THE COVER. I WAS YEARS OLD IT WAS MEANINGFUL I PUT HER THERE. I FEEL LIKE HALFWAY THROUGH THAT KINDERGARTEN YEAR I STARTED REALIZING, OH, THE NAME CALLING, I FELT DIFFERENT, LIKE ALL THE THINGS. THAT REALLY STARTED HAPPENING THAT YEAR. AND FOR THE NEXT TWO OR THREE YEARS IT WAS A CONSISTENT THEME. BUT I WOULD JUST BRUSH IT OFF. AND I THINK BECAUSE I DID FEEL EMBARRASSED BY IT, A LITTLE BIT OF SHAME, I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO PROCESS IT WITH MY MOTHER WHO WAS FULL KOREAN, I DIDN'T WANT TO HURT HER, SO I WOULD COME HOME AND PROCESS BY MYSELF, WHICH, YOU KNOW, I WAS TRYING TO EXPLAIN TO CHIP, HE'S SO POSITIVE AND HE'S, LIKE, TELL ME WHAT WENT THROUGH YOUR HEAD. AS A 6-YEAR-OLD LITTLE GIRL, I'M BELIEVING WHAT THEY'RE SAYING, I'M THINKING BEING DIFFERENT ISN'T A GOOD THING. HOW DO I FIT IN, HOW DO I EAT LIKE THEM, HOW DO I TALK LIKE THEM, HOW DO I SOUND LIKE THEM? IT IS A CONSCIOUS SHIFT THAT I REMEMBER MOVING INTO AS A 6-YEAR-OLD. >> YEAH. IT IS SO INTERESTING BECAUSE I THINK IN SO MANY WAYS WE CAN ALL RELATE TO THIS FEELING OF NOT FEELING PRETTY ENOUGH, GOOD ENOUGH, LIKE THE OTHERS. AND SO THEN, IT IS SO INTERESTING, WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT THAT, THEN YOU LAUGH AT THE JOKES YOU DON'T EVEN FIND FUNNY, YOU CHANGE YOUR MIDDLE NAME. WHAT DID YOU LOSE -- WHAT DID YOU FEEL LIKE YOU LOST THAT YOU'RE TRYING TO COME BACK TO? >> I THINK THE PICTURE. I SHOWED UP EVEN FOR THE CAMERA, LIKE, I'M GREAT AND MY HAIR WAS WILD, I A TOOTH MISSING, BUT I DIDN'T CARE. MY SPIRIT WAS LIGHT. I WAS FREE. I FELT CONFIDENT ABOUT WHO I WAS AS A 6-YEAR-OLD. AND FOR ME, NOW 44 YEARS OLD, IT IS, LIKE, HOW DO I GO BACK AND REGAIN SOME OF THAT SPIRIT? I THINK THAT'S VALUABLE. THE OLDER WE GET, SOMETIMES I THINK WE'RE MOVING THAT WAY, BUT IT IS LIKE THIS FULL CIRCLE MOMENT OF ME MEETING HER AGAIN. >> I THINK A LOT OF US, ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE A CHILD OF IMMIGRANTS, LIKE I AM TOO, YOU ALMOST TRY TO BECOME INVISIBLE. MAYBE THEY WON'T NOTICE ME. I'LL GET SMALL BACK HERE. I'LL BE IN THE BACK ROW. PEOPLE SAID USE YOUR PLAYGROUND VOICE WITH ME. BUT, NO, NO, I LIKE NOT BEING SEEN. ONE OF THE TRICKIER PARTS FOR ME GROWING UP, I DON'T KNOW HOW IT WAS FOR YOU, WHEN IT CAME TO DATING, BECAUSE DATING WAS A THING. NOW, YOU'RE GORGEOUS, MAYBE IT WAS EASY FOR YOU. DID YOU EVER GET -- >> CHIP WAS MY SECOND BOYFRIEND. >> DID YOU GET ASKED OUT TO THE JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL DANCES AND ALL THAT STUFF? >> I HAVE THIS FACADE OF, HEY, I DON'T -- IT IS LIKE SELF-PROTECTION, I LEARNED AT AN EARLY AGE IF YOU CAN PUT THE FACADE UP OF MAYBE I'M NOT APPROACHABLE OR SO EVERYONE WAS ALWAYS A LITTLE SCARED BECAUSE THEY COULDN'T TELL MY FACE WAS, YOU KNOW, KIND OF STOIC, BUT GOING THROUGH LIFE LIKE THAT, I THINK IT WAS JUST SO GUARDED AND SELF-PROTECTED THAT I THINK THEY COULD SENSE THAT. CHIP ALWAYS JOKES, LIKE, I WAS TERRIFIED TO HOLD YOUR HAND THE FIRST COUPLE WEEKS. I JUST -- >> YOU GAVE THAT OFF. >> I WAS SO GUARDED THAT I -- >> DID YOU WANT SOMEONE TO ASK YOU OUT? >> FOR SURE. BUT I ALSO THINK THE FEAR OF NOT BELIEVING IN THE VALUE OF WHO I WAS, OR THAT I WAS GOOD ENOUGH, I WAS ALWAYS SCARED IT WOULD BE LIKE FIRST DATE, BUT THE DEPTH WAS MISSING BECAUSE I HAD HIDDEN THAT, WHO I WAS, AND SO THAT'S WHY WHEN I MOVED TO NEW YORK, WHEN I WAS 22, ALL THAT KIND OF MET ME -- I FELT LIKE MY SOUL MET MY BODY IN A WEIRD WAY, THE EXPERIENCE HERE, AND REALLY DIVING INTO THE CULTURE, THE KOREAN CULTURE. THERE WAS SOMETHING ABOUT THAT THAT SHIFTED AND I FELT LIKE I WAS WHOLE. WHERE BEFORE, I THINK I WAS ONLY STRINGING PEOPLE PIECES OF MYSELF WHICH WAS PROTECTION. >> THE PERFECTIONISM THAT YOU NEEDED TO HAVE CONTROL OVER EVERYTHING. >> YEAH. >> WAS THERE EVER A BREAKING POINT WHERE YOU'RE, LIKE, GOSH, THIS IS CONTROLLING ME? >> I THINK AS I WAS WRITING, I REALIZED HOW CONTROL AND PERFECTIONS SHOWED UP IN DIFFERENT SEASONS. AS I WAS WRITING, I REALIZED WHEN THAT CREEPS UP IN ME, THERE IS AN INSECURITY THAT IS STILL -- >> WHAT IS THAT INSECURITY? >> THE NEED TO PROVE YOURSELF. I AM GOOD ENOUGH. I AM WORTHY. I'M VALUABLE. IT ALL GOES BACK TO THE LITTLE GIRL WHO STARTED BELIEVING SHE WASN'T. AT 44, I WAS LIKE THE FACT THAT SOMETIMES I'M STILL DRIVEN BY THAT MEANS I HAVEN'T REALLY TACKLED THIS YET. IT WAS A -- FOR ME, IT WAS A DEEP DIVE OF GETTING THERE AND IDENTIFYING THESE THINGS THAT ARE THINGS IN MY LIFE THAT MAY NEVER GO AWAY, BUT I KNOW HOW TO IDENTIFY THEM AND MOVE PAST THEM. >> YOU WERE ON A PRECIPICE OF CHANGE. SOMETHING IS GOING TO CHANGE. IT IS COMING OUT OF YOUR PORES. YOU SAY I FEEL LIKE THIS. I'M FEELING -- YOU SENSE THAT SOMETHING IS GOING TO CHANGE. WHAT KIND OF A CHANGE DO YOU FEEL IS COMING? IS IT A PROFESSIONAL CHANGE, A PERSONAL CHANGE? AN INTERNAL CHANGE? >> I THINK IT ALL STARTS FOR ME, IT STARTS THIS INTERNAL JUST GUT INSTINCT. AND I FELT LIKE WITH THAT INSTINCT I NEED TO READY MYSELF. WHATEVER IT IS. I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS. THAT'S THE PROCESS OF WRITING THE BOOK OF WHAT HABITS DO I NEED TO LEAVE BEHIND, WHAT LIES AND THOUGHTS. THAT WAS AN IMPORTANT PART. >> WHAT HAVE YOU LEFT BACK? >> THE FEAR OF FAILURE. THE IDEA THAT I HAVE TO CONTROL. THAT EVERYTHING HAS TO BE PERFECT. THAT'S NOT EVEN POSSIBLE. I KNOW THAT NOW. IT MAKES ME SICK TO THINK THAT'S HOW I OPERATED FOR SO LONG. BUT, LIKE, GET THE INTENTION RIGHT, WHY AM I DOING WHAT I'M DOING. >> WE'RE GOING TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK. >> WE DON'T WANT TO. >> W >>> ALL RIGHT, WE'RE BACK WITH
