Jimmy's Funniest Moments From Season 18 | 8 Out of 10 Cats | Jimmy Carr

did you know for example 60% of moms like to get dolled up to do the school run and in Russia that figure is even higher as each dolled up Mom contains another smaller mom 47% of Brits have used a public library in the last 12 months I think libraries provide an essential service for people on the High Street who need to take a [ __ ] and a third of women choose their own engagement ring because they don't trust their partner's taste well he chose you Char what you think the nation have been talking about this week is it the uh the the the car racing guy Le Lewis Hamilton yeah one of the World Championships world champion of the you got the fastest machine competition appears to be whoever's got the fastest car wins should be the car that wins and at the end the car doesn't get anything doesn't get like a nice tank of petrol or right out in the countryside instead of going R around a [ __ ] [Laughter] truck Le would you would you fancy a go there I mean you're you're a sportsman I'd love have a go yeah I like a bit of adrenaline you like a bit of adrenaline oh yeah gymnastics I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry have you tried doing a back suum assault have I tried doing a back suum assault how do you think I got on stage this evening my Som assault in oh really we must have missed that one please show again for the camera he fine well no because of health and safety I probably I probably shouldn't in these heels you can't do a back somersault just off the bat you can't you have to you have to warm up you asking me or telling me I think we're flirting can you do a back come on do a back Som all right let got warm up you got a warm up I told you you had to warm up what oh Jesus don't do that what's up this is you're next yeah yeah yeah yeah I know straight after but I'm just going to I'm just going to just watching cuz I need to learn the technique okay yeah sure okay so just I just and then under a few buttons fast is that it yeah yeah oh yeah it oh ready no don't actually do I thought there was no adrenaline gymnastics so this would be easy yeah all right there is some can you can you I mean did you know for example according to experts people on diets lose two friends for every stone they lose and those two friends are Colonel Sanders and Mr Kipling the average Brit will spend £1,000 on dates before finding the one so viewers at home men and women alike just turn around now and have a quick look at your partner hard to believe isn't it you spent 11 Grand on that and people in Sheffield have the most missing teeth in Britain and that's because in Sheffield the tooth Fair is their main source of income well Paul as you on the show tonight we thought we'd have a little sort of 8 out 10 count Bake Off Sean what have you got oh I went to town what did you well you you've heard obviously you've heard of the famous uh layer cake oh yeah the layer cake of course well I went I went for a layby cake talk us through the cake that's an extraordinary thing well it's a lby and we've got here we got a a badger that's been run over there's a mattress there's a battenberg mattress I've done with with some stains on it dumped mattress on the LA some toilet I didn't have time I ran out of time to do the pants on the Hedge in Battenburg and then there's little bin bags here genuinely spitting that out not SE he's got to taste a lot of cakes he just tastes it and then he spits out what's this made of this sugar paste are you sugar paste and a an actual turd I found in a labor I think it looks fantastic I like the sponge it's nice and moist it's got a good bake honey no soggy botom well done thank you no soggy botom do anyone John have you baked anything my favorite thing that got made this series was the baked Alaska so I thought I could present that in the way that you are accustomed to from Bake Off so there we go you really don't want have a look at what that looks like yeah you do you do I got a little bit excited while I was making it it does not show really how excited you are about that cake they're going to see how excited I was to this great Alaska [Music] I see you've already got some cake down there for later thanks Baked Alaska Al was it alab bin Joe I believe you've got you've got some cake yeah well actually gone a little bit different I did a pastry but it is a pastry with a Twist because I've decorated it with uh me and Paul naked in a treehouse uh if you notice Paul I've given you quite a large plonker so I'm hoping that will swing it for me sorry what did you bake oh it's h it's a pasty that I decorated with us on holiday I assumed you had gray pubes who do you think the one of of cat's bake office it's got to be Joe you're going Joe did you know for example 3.5 million londoners use the underground every day my Grand's been using the underground every day for years we buried her in 1994 43% of men over 36 say they don't have any close male friends so mission accomplished day ladies and 33% of Brits have mistakenly called or text the wrong person I accidentally called my mom the other day while having sex it was so embarrassing I said I'm sorry Mom I'll call back I didn't realize you were having sex do you think you're cool Sean no no no I think I'm terrific yes you are I think I'm terrific yes you are I don't think I'm cool no John what what do you think makes someone cool sitting the wrong way on a chair is cool isn't it in the '90s now come on so hang on if you were going to sit on that chair in a cool fashion show us how that would work on I think the arms are going to get yeah it feels like that was the wrong way to do that I'd agree with you you look like you're waiting for something else to happen I do feel happier though carry on Daddyo on with the quiz JC okay so most people think they're cool true or false what are you going for before we go false I just want to say in their home when they're looking at a mirror when they're going to go out they're dressing up look at this audience they they prepared to come to this well you didn't and I think before they left the house they thought wow I I look good I like look at that jacket come on stand up show that jacket I think that's that's a hoodie look at that yeah but you got like white things coming down you got a red tie going on SCH you look I what is your name Glen Glenn you're too cool for School Glenn okay it is it's funny you should say that actually cuz Glenn has been excluded Glen do you think are you too are you cool Glen my head teacher watching this if you're head teacher will watching this you know forget that your head teacher is watching we got you covered Len Glenn Glenn Glenn Glen you're covered too let me just say if you have a problem you have her talk to me I will set that woman straight Jo he'll get her pregnant [Applause] [Laughter] did you know for example 73% of Women Believe men should always pay for a first date I took a girl on a date and at the end of the night she said I want to go dutch and shag my mate lar 36% of people in their 70s say they live life with a permanent smile on their face they're not happy it's just their false teeth are too big and 19% of men worry about their mobs but mobs are nothing to be ashamed of just as long as they're not so big that when you look down you can't see your man Gina so North Korean leader Kim Yong un has suffered two fractured ankles due to excessively wearing Cuban heels to look taller so we asked our studio audience would you suffer pain to look good yes or no so he was wearing Cuban heels to look taller you're not paranoid about height are you Sean you no no no cuz I'm exactly 6 foot how tall are you John five like 9 10 on a good day yeah i' got a little bit of good news for you I got you these yeah it's the news I've been waiting for Jimmy well they're Cuban Hills but they're in your side so I thought you could you just slip them on and we'll see whether you look more sophisticated why would yeah they're they're pretty good you'll enjoy those I have another fact awesome apparently 60% of people of millionaires are over 6'2 ah ah really does one tuck the gene into a Cuban heel yes oh yeah definitely yeah you definit you definitely [Applause] do I've got I've got a new found respect for you John I just think can you go into the middle can you just stand on the oh sure I'll stand on the glowing line in case I don't like I enough of a b back there I made a dock about a shoe maker recently and um he's been making shoes for 50 years I don't think anyone's listening to you it I just think John has dropped a hip and we are mesmerized look at that pelvis she could be would you consider a Cuban heel would I consider a Cuban heel the answer has already been made James are you am I six foot then can I stand next to you to see what they have well Sean if you can come out this is still bigger I still look [ __ ] I just look like a short pricking heels now I think you might be [Music] about you might actually be technically a bit special the department John I'm 5'8 and you I think we're about the same he I might I think I'm a little bit taller than you mate he says walking away in his Cuban Hills what were you saying about Cuban Hills when John was pring around in the 70s every fashionable man wore high heels not even Cuban heels full on platforms it was like the ultimate Chic I wonder where it's gone because people still try and be out there their fashion but men just don't do it anymore I think it should be brought back can we take a look at your shoes you're wearing you're wearing an extraordinary shoe these days fashion wise let's let's have look at Jamie's shoes just pop them up on the desk I think we can see we can see where the 40% of animals have gone would you suffer for fashion Jack um I've always been lucky and I'm not not not had to sort of push the boat out in any way have you had any work done no but uh I I would like to get that number off you later thank you yeah cuz you you've had your teeth smashed in haven't you and then rebuilt and then all polished up and shined we all volunteered for the first bit [Laughter] serious V They smash all your teeth out that's it's an incredibly vain thing to do it's like it was about 24 hours of dental work mine are like some kind of uh sort of color you paint your hallway in like that I've never yeah Mucky white or whatever go weak mustard you um do you blacken your hair to keep it so black um a diet I think that's the term people are using I think yeah yeah I yeah I don't don't here do yeah what would it be if it wasn't dyed it would it would it would look awful it would look sort of like yours I suppose I've heard of this thing called bleaching bums right I'm pretty sure it's not called that well bleach I'm pretty sure when you walk in they go bleaching B bleaching who ever look so n to no not for me get that tided up maybe mean like it's bit gy that [Music] area you have you lost us all on this a bit gy that area we're all just taking a moment to process that information it's like a bit of your shed you don't clear out you know and you go in there I can't be bothered all planks of wood and stuff down there and someone SP some paint and for that just Chuck and bleach at it yeah um okay so would you suffer pain to look good what what do you think our studio audience said Sean no I think they said no they very s sane and sensible Bunch you you're going now okay what you think uh I'm going to say yes because I'm going to wear those heels for the rest of my life so ankles schles okay I can tell you the answer is yes 56% of our studio audience would suffer pain to look good okay let's have a look and see if you keeps up there Nigel farage has been invited to take part in a TV debate with David Cameron the green party have complained but the truth is they've slipped down the party League table behind n's House Party Block Party number one Party Anthem 2004 Iceland's party flatter and my niece's sixth birthday party ukit politician Roger Helmer has been caught visiting a massage parlor so there are some Eastern Europeans he's happier working here I went on the website of the massage parlor that that MP has been to and all the girls have got like snazzy descriptions one of them is fit for Filth which raises the question of who is being surveyed me I'm afraid you've been declared unfit for Filth one of the girls is uh adorable and affordable I like I mean I read the news story but I didn't Google the website I went there that's proper research you're adorable and affordable AR you yes I think I know the answer to this before I asked Joe but do you do you talk to people you don't know on public transport yeah that's St really annoys me people say you always meet weirdos on public transport I've never met one I talked to everyone the other day I was talking to this girl and it was going it was going very well we were chatting it was lovely we hadn't made eye contact yet but that will happen then I downed a jar of Lloyd Grossman's Bona curry sauce and and she got all weird I'm [ __ ] off the do they sell that on the trolley G have a load in my bag what's in that bag always make a pack lunch if I'm on this show it's just uh bottler taboo and uh 17 Scotch [Applause] cheggs I've never seen that many Scotch eggs gathered I don't know what the collective noun is yeah a uh a plethora a constipation of do you know why only take 17 though cuz that's all you can fit in I've been on a train with you Joe and it's it's a treat yeah it's nice deceptively long legs I found when I shared a train with you seem to get everywhere can I ask quickly whether you guys are all going on the train what is this eight out of 10 CS holiday is it you know Works outings and things nights out the Christmas D we have the Christmas du and there's a summer trip the summer trip away lunch on Sunday was lovely yeah it was good Scrabble Tuesdays yeah and of course Curry night oh that's tonight oh [ __ ] let's see if xor up there [Music] yes Cheryl's been accused of mining on the xfactor the xfactor ratings have embarrassed Simon Cal he's really lost face and then replace that face with a much bigger wonkier face would you rather get a massage from a friend or a stranger John do you like a massage I don't like a handshake Jimmy I'm uncomfortable with that much physical contacts the idea of stripping naked and having someone touch the backs of my legs and my ass and my neck they don't do your us I know that's why they don't get tipped we've got some massaging tools here do you want to have a crack at those yeah okay Sarah you you do you do John oh hang on this is good it's not remotely pleasurable it's you look really relaxed though that's hands on the desk yeah okay there there's people on their first night in prison that look less stressed than you this is a hand massaga so if you put that on do you want to give she to go with that that's the that's the hand massager apparently don't stick them in your eyes Sean very happy forward all right ready feels like one of my kids is rubbing a car over me I'm falling as sleep piss on the sofa i' been woking up in the morning kid playing on me I don't think I'd even want to be massaged by a block I I went with a my friend of mine and she opted there was like a male and a female uh massage therapist and she said I want the bloke and she said she could feel as gentleman area she said she could feel it on her elbow and I'm just fascinated by that cuz I like my elbow has got like rhino skin on I don't even know if I could do hot and cold at loan tell if it was a [ __ ] or not all right come on oh no I'm sorry I thought I thought we were going to add a bonus round to a and now [ __ ] or not well let's have a look and see if it's up there yes the ice bucket challenge so those were the most talked about stories of the year but in other news Tori MP Brooks new Mark resigned after Shing sexually explicit messages with an undercover reporter I blame predictive text Brooks Newark actually wanted a hand with the coming election the Commonwealth Games took place in Glasgow during the games Tesco claim sales of haggus Rose by 80% I'm sorry but that's a bag of shite or haggus as they're called in Scot okay uh Shan steam what else have the nation been talking about this week the uh the the Band-Aid are getting back together again Bob gildo said he got a call from the UN he's got like a bat phone or something so they're going to do a song to raise money for aola apparently they've changed the lyrics because they you know because it's to raise money for aola specifically so instead of Bono singing well tonight thank God it's them instead of you well tonight we're reaching out and touching you which is the worst possible idea someone has tonight we're reaching out at you Jamie here is a very talented musician I've got a keyboard we'll get him to do a song for no problem at all there you go um what do you want me to do we were going to raise money for like like a good cause John's getting married and we quite like to raise money so he doesn't wear a cardigan so if we raise money for a suit for his wedding that would be okay so you're you're getting married let's hope so John okay every day is a bonus so far do you want miraculus for John okay if I had them I would need to get married sounds like a joke doesn't make any sense I like it I like John John Richardson Rhymes he wears his beauty on the inside that's harsh John John Richardson a suit and tie will make his little face come alive just got a little face he's going to take her up the aisle he's going to take her up the aisle so let's help him do it in style people can you hear me he could look as good as Jimmy John [Music] Richardson he's got he's got the soul of a champion John John John John John John John John John John John John [Music] Richardson there you right before we go all that's left to do is announce who's won the series trophy look at it short to Brighton any wheelie bin or neighbor skip get on me Jimmy I'm holding John's hand he doesn't like it so congratulations to our ser winner Sean Lock there you go Sean a trophy for sha there which is undoubtedly will be described as a blunt object in the police report oh go easy um I just hate myself now Sean how do you feel about the win yeah it's brilliant go let's go I hope you enjoyed those clips uh if you want to watch full episodes of 8 out 10 cats then you can on my YouTube channel um just you know search for it on YouTube and you'll find it because it's there

Channel: Jimmy Carr

Views: 54,453

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Id: xxTa9ACyrQ4

Length: 25min 50sec (1550 seconds)

Published: Mon Mar 11 2024