Jimmy on The Medical Profession | Jimmy Carr: Stand Up

does anyone in here work in the medical profession by any chance yeah what do you do you're a what sir a ward sister well done that's a great job I always wanted to work in the medical production I want you to be a doctor well maybe if you'd worked harder no wart cyst is a perfect answer great job so brilliantly but I always wanted to work in the medical profession because you know I'd like the lab coat and I thought that stethoscope is cool and I thought chicks would like me chicks would likely not quite sure why I was thinking but I could never become a doctor because I didn't have the chemistry or the math or the physics you needed to get in and also in quite uncaring person someone's sick I sort of think fuck em but I think I found a hospital in South London where I'd be able to get a job it's the ones worth hospice for incurable diseases how tough could that be you'd stroll in about 11:30 chat up a couple of nurses you know check what's for lunch a patient would come up can you do anything doctor did you not read the sign the only thing better than being a doctor I think would be to be a ver love to be event because that's alight doctors they're admired in the community has any any vaccine by any chance are you you're a bet you're a student vet you are picked a winner the great thing about being a vet you're just a student member that's the great thing about being a vet you've got the Joker card you can play if you absolutely have to be somewhere at 6:30 you can play the Joker card the injection you can't work out what the problem is or it's too much bother what god that problem has gone away the veterinary surgery the local vets has gotten incinerator out the back for a reason is they're busy people I've never once heard a doctor say yeah your ten-year-old boys had a good innings he's quite severely asthmatic you know we could keep him alive with pills and injections and whatnot but it's quite expensive and little bit messy much easier if I just put them off to sleep with this and that's always try and sweeten the deal as well but the I could take care of the body for you yeah 475 pounds it's a spaniel I live next to a canal you work out got strange thing with doctors and nurses tell I really do admire people in the medical community because I don't have you know a God in my life what oh so doctors nurses a lot secular gods that bring us into the world there let's you know take care of us when we're alive and let's die with dignity it's extraordinary thing but I've never asked a doctor a nurse about that the only thing I've ever asked a doctor or nurse about when I met one either socially or a gay jeez what's the weirdest thing you've ever pulled out an ass really you pulled anything interesting out of the other sorry hang on slow down batteries corks bottle tops pebbles tops of hair spray cans that wasn't all one lady was it if it was do you have a number she seems like she'd be up for anything wow that's pretty grisly I just saw we recently from a nurse about she said the weirdest thing she ever pulled out and asked was a vibrator I was pretty plain vanila that's where the mentor guy said the funny thing about it was one day when they x-rayed him it was still vibrating I saw awful isn't it fun for many reason I imagine the poor guy doing the x-ray was hitting the machine going this thing's on the fritz again he's standing there what an agonizing wait an A&E that excuse me sir could you turn a few mobile phone it's not mobile phone well what is it I've got a prosthetic cock vibrating my arms as you were um I'm guessing from your laughter there you pull something weird out of your ass no there's definitely a story there definitely is it just made you laugh did it what when it came out when you put in [Applause] when someone recommends a book to me and they say it's a page-turner I would think yeah and how books work you

Channel: Jimmy Carr

Views: 759,734

Rating: 4.8836217 out of 5

Keywords: jimmy carr, jimmy carr stand up, jimmy carr insults, jimmy carr heckle, jimmy carr funniest moments, jimmy carr comedy, jimmy car comedy special, jimmy carr laugh, 8 out of 10 cats, jimmy carr nhs, comedy, jimmy carr stand up comedy, jimmy carr medical, medical humor, health service, nhs, offensive comedy, jimmy carr comedian, british comedy, veterinarian, gynaecology, gynaecologist, health and wellbeing, operations, vets, jimmy carr audience, funny video, jimmy carr funny

Id: 87bEfPgwFMU

Length: 4min 49sec (289 seconds)

Published: Tue Jul 30 2019

Reddit Comments

[u/GoWithTheLiquor]

I bet "some arsehole's got my pen" is in there somewhere.