Jim Gaffigan - Camping, waking up, and bacon

I married a woman who loves to camp and I am what you would call indoors II I'm surprised we can still get people they can he want to burn a couple of vacation days sleeping on the ground outside uh no what if I told you get to crap standing up in the woods I still wouldn't want to go you'll wake up freezing covered in a rash all right I'll go my wife always brings up camping is a tradition in my family it was a tradition everyone's family till we came up with a house my parents never took me camping you know why cuz they loved me it's so great outside why are all the bugs trying to get in my house someplace you have to pay to camp you have to pay to sleep outside that's got to be insulting to the homeless people happy camper has anyone ever really been a happy camper cuz whatever we used that term we're being sarcastic he is not a happy camper well why don't we just call him a camper he's miserable you know he's a happy camper the guy leaving the campsite he's the happiest camper he gets to take a shower I probably wouldn't be so scared if I wasn't sleeping in a bag hey let's prepackaged ourselves for the serial killer huh I can't get away can you I could hop for a little but I'm dead meat you ever have to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night you know it's like your friend's nice knowing you and want to come and get killed with me or you want to get killed looking for me we're all dead it's not just serial killers there's bears out there last time I went we got this pamphlet that said if a bear approaches you're supposed to play dead really we're gonna rely on my acting skills play dead who came up with that maybe the Bears play dead cover yourself and honey climb at a large white plate don't try to run away from us I mean the Bears as it bears have some ethical code hey I don't mess with dead bodies I'm a bear not an animal that was the worst impression of a bear ever I don't even know why we're camping where there's wild animals that won't be a selling point for anything else yeah oh it's a beautiful Golf Course Plus around the Knights hole there's a pack of wolves if they start charging a it just play through I'm endorsing the only thing I like to do outside is lying a hammock it's hard to do anything once you get in the hammock cuz you can't get out it's like a giant net for catching lazy people can't even drink an S all you can do is relax ya never see someone crying on a hammock my life is row this is delightful you ever get in a hammock with someone else you better be dating them cuz it looks like you're trying to start a family I got in the hammock with my cousin he still won't talk to me that's dirty of course the hammocks just the outdoor bed yeah I find it hard to get out of a regular bed it's always sad in the morning you're like I'm gonna miss you you were wonderful last night I didn't want it to end we never want to end right that's why there's the snooze bar as my first decision of the day I will go back to bed how many plans has the snooze bar destroyed yeah you wake up yeah you know what I'm not going to the gym this morning's news eight minutes later you hear the alarm you know what I took a long shower yesterday snooze eight minutes later you hear the alarm you know what I always want to go on welfare snooze the best is when you wake up you look at the clock and you see you still have time to sleep it's like finding a thousand dollars love that breakfast in bed that's like a fantasy isn't it bacon my greasy lover Bacon's the best even the frying of bacon sounds like applause it's like you are now how good bacon is to improve other food they wrap it in bacon four weren't for bacon we wouldn't even know what a water chestnut is Thank You bacon sincerely water chestnut the third and those bits of bacon bits of bacon like the fairy dust of the food community you don't want this baked potato now it's your favorite part of the meal not interested in the salad bibbidi bobbidi bacon I just turn it into an entree but won't you put bacon in a salad it's no longer a salad it just becomes a game of fine the bacon and the lettuce it's like you're panning for gold the only bad part about bacon is that makes you thirsty for more bacon I never feel like I get enough bacon if breakfast is like their rationing it here's your two strips of bacon whenever you're at a brunch buffet and you see that big metal tray filled with a four thousand pieces of bacon don't you almost expect a rainbow to be coming out of it bacon trays I was at the end of the buffet you regret all the stuff on your plate what am I doing with all this worthless fruit I should have waited bacon how many bacon jokes is this guy gonna do I mean I like bacon Beck come on I've if you put bits of bacon on a strip of bacon you could travel back in time it's like a tasty vortex it'd be kind of redundant for me because I would just travel back to when I was eating bacon the a bacon - bacon time-space continuum that's gotta be the end of the bacon jokes I even like the name bacon you can't tell me the success of Kevin Bacon isn't somehow tied to his name you're not going out to see a Kevin hotdogs movie who's in this movie Kevin Bacon sounds good if he does another bacon joke I'm gonna kill him

Channel: Cody Anderson

Views: 5,451,243

Rating: 4.8149066 out of 5

Keywords: Hilarious, comedian, Jim, Gaffigan

Id: UahqgK60vuk

Length: 7min 44sec (464 seconds)

Published: Mon Apr 11 2011