TODAY'S A NOTABLE DAY FOR OUR GALAXY. ON THIS DATE IN 161 0R0, GALILE YOU KNOW, THE GUY FROM THE QUEEN SONG? HE DISCOVERED THAT THE EARTH DOES NOT REVOLVE THE SUN. MANY OF THE SAME PEOPLE BELIEVE THE EARTH IS FLAT, LIKE A TOR TEE YEAH. THEY'RE CALLED FLAT EARTHERS, AND THEY HAVE CONVENTIONS AND SHIRTS AND MUGS AND THE WHOLE DEAL. WE SENT OUR PAL, JAKE BIRD, TO A FLA FLAT EARTH CONFERENCE IN DALLAS, TEXAS. HERE HE IS, JAKE BIRD, WITH THE PEOPLE WHO LIVE ON A PANCAKE. >> HEY, JAKE RIGHT HERE AT THE FLAT EARTH CONVENTION IN DALLAS, TEXAS. I GOT THREE FLATS, SO THAT'S A SIGN. FLAT, FLAT, FLAT, FLAT. >> THERE WE GO. >> THAT'S THE WAY, RIGHT THERE. THAT'S IT. >> LOOK AT THIS. >> YEAH, YEAH. >> DID YOU HAVE A HEAD INJURY TOO? >> NO, NOT YET. >> THEY'RE ACTORS, OF COURSE. YEAH, THEY ALL GET PAID. LOOK AT ME, MOM, FLOATIN' IN SPACE. NO, YOU'RE NOT, YOU'RE LIEIN' TO THE WHOLE HUMAN RACE. >> I DON'T THINK I WANT TO WAIT AROUND AND SEE IF NASA'S LYING TO ME OR NOT. I THIS WE ALREADY KNOW. >> WE'RE TIRED OF THE LICES. YOU CAN'T EAT RAW CHICKEN AND PLAY WITH RAW COYOTES. YOU CAN'T DRINK PEE FROM THE PEE THAT YOU DRANK? WOULDN'T THAT BE MORE STERILE THAN THE FIRST PEE? WE KNOW SOMETHING AND THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS KNOWING. THERE'S NO KNOWING ANYTHING. THANK YOU, ERGO. >> MARK SERGEANT WAS ONE OF THE FIRST GUYS I FOUND WHEN I WAS WAKING UP. ONCE YOU GO DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE, YOU JUST KNOW. >> EXACTLY. WHEN YOU KNOW, YOU KNOW. CAN I BLOW YOUR MIND FOR A SECOND? MY MOM'S SEX FRIEND, RANDALL, WAS OVER, AND I WAS PLAYING WITH HIS RECORD CONDITION. HE KNOCKED ME RIGHT IN THE MINI FRIDGE. WHEN I CAME UP, I WAS HOLDING ONE OF THE RECORDS. THE SHAPE OF THE RECORD? FLAT. GUESS WHAT RECORD IT WAS? >> I DON'T KNOW. >> WHO WAS THE BIGGEST BAND IN 1971? EARTH WIND AND FIRE. AND WHAT WAS THEIR ALBUM COVER? LOOK AT THIS. A PYRAMID. THE SYMBOL OF THE ILLUMINATI. AND WHO'S DRUMMER FOR EARTH WIND AND FIRE? >> DON'T KNOW. >> JOHN PARIS. AND WHAT GROUP IS FROM PARIS? THE TEMPLARS. AND WHEN DID THE POPE KILL THEM? FRIDAY THE 13th. AND WHO'S BAD GUY IN FRIDAY THE 13th? >> JASON? >> FREDDIE. >> FREDDIE. >> AND WHAT DO YOU CALL AN APARTMENT IN ENGLAND? >> NO IDEA. >> A FLAT. AND WHO LIVES IN AN APARTMENT IN ENGLAND? WHAT SATANIST? HARRY POTTER. AND WHAT MONTH DID HE GO TO SCHOOL TO BECOME A SATANIST? SEPTEMBER. AND WHO HAD THE BIGGEST SONG CALLED SEPTEMBER? EARTH WIND AND FIRE. >> I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT. >> AND WHERE'S MY MOM'S SEX FRIEND RANDALL NOW? >> NO IDEA. >> I THINK IN FT. LAUDERDALE. FLAT EARTHERS. >> WELCOME TO THE FLAT EARTH CONFERENCE 2019. PLEASE TAKE YOUR SEATS. >> I WANT TO BRING OUT TO THE STAGE A FRIEND THAT'S VERY SPECIAL TO ME. MARK SERGEANT. >> MARK SERGEANT, MAIN MAN. HE'S THE MAIN MAN. >> YOU KNOW THIS WORKS, BECAUSE THE SCREEN WILL CHANGE TO GOOGLE EARTH LETTERS. >> GO TO SETTINGS! >> HUH? >> GO TO SETTINGS. >> GO TO SETTINGS. THANK YOU FOR THAT. THANK YOU. THERE IT IS, PERFECT. THANK YOU, TECH SUPPORT. ALL RIGHT. MY NAME IS MARK SERGEANT, AND I'M A PROUD FLAT EARTHER. THE GLOBE IS ALREADY DEAD. THEY JUST DON'T KNOW IT YET. LONG LIVE FLAT EARTH. THANK YOU. [ APPLAUSE ] ALL RIGHT, DO WE HAVE TIME FOR A FEW QUESTIONS? YES, YOU. >> THANK YOU FOR CONFRONTING NASA WHICH EVERYBODY KNOWS MEANS NOT ALWAYS TELLING TRUTHS. WE ALL KNOW FOR A FACT THAT THE EARTH IS FLAT, OKAY, BUT IS THERE A GENERAL CONSENSUS AS TO HOW THICK IT IS? BECAUSE -- >> NO. >> SAY I'M DIGGING A HOLE BECAUSE I GOT TO BURY A FEW DOGS. AM I JUST DROPPING A GARBAGE BAG FULL OF DOGS INTO OUTER SNPACE? >> I DON'T KNOW HOW THICK IS, HOW DEEP IS THE DEEPEST HOLE? EIGHT MILES. IF SCIENCE CAN'T GO FURTHER THAN THIS, WE DON'T HAVE TO, EITHER. [ APPLAUSE ] >> HE IS AWESOME. >> THIS IS EASIER TO UNDERSTAND THAN THIS. YOU SAY THAT DOESN'T MEAN IT'S RIGHT. IT'S LIKE, ISN'T IT? WHY NOT? WE BELIEVE ALL SORTS OF THINGS. THE PUBLIC TENDS TO LEAN TOWARD THE EASIEST EXPLANATION. >> GROSS, GROSS, PRETTY FLAT EARTH. QUICK QUESTION. >> NO, NO. >> HOW CAN I TALK TO MY KIDS ABOUT THE EARTH BEING FLAT WHEN I CAN'T LEGALLY TALK TO MY KIDS. >> NO, I'M DOING AN INTERVIEW. >> YOU'RE FOLLOWING HIM, DUDE. YOU KEEP GETTING ON THE SIDE OF THE INTERVIEW. >> DON'T ACT LIKE I'M STUPID. >> WHY WOULD I THINK YOU'RE STUPID? >> DON'T DO THAT. >> I GOT A QUICK QUESTION. >> NO, OH, MY GOD. NO. >> WHY WOULD THE EXPRESSION DARYL HANNAH FELL OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH EXIST IF THE EARTH WASN'T FLAT? >> INTERVIEW. INTERVIEW. I GOT A PRESS CONFERENCE AFTER THIS. THANK YOU. >> AM I BOTHERING YOU GUYS? >> YOU WERE HERE SMASHING A BALL. I WATCHED IT WITH MY OWN EYES. >> STAY OUT OF THE SHOT. >> I WAS OUT OF THE SHOT, BUT ARE WE OKAY? >> YEAH. >> LISTEN. THIS ISN'T ABOUT SAYING THE EARTH IS FLACHLT IT'S ABOUT BEING OPEN MINDED. >> DID YOU KNOW THIS GUY WAS CONTROLLED OPPOSITION WHEN HE GAVE THIS REALLY STUPID QUESTION ABOUT BURYING DOGS? >> I DON'T KNOW WHAT CONTROLLED OPPOSITION MEANS. YOU'VE NEVER BURIED A DOG, SCOTT? WHAT IS THE SFLOB. >> I'M ASKING WHAT NAME DID YOU REGISTER UNDER? I'M JUST ASKING YOU TO VERIFY THAT YOU ARE JAKE. >> ILLUMINATI, I'M GETTING TOO CLOSE TO THE TRUTH AND THEY WANT ME OUT. WE'VE BEEN CALLED EVERYTHING. ILL LITERAL. CLEAR EVIDENCE THAT THERE IS BROKEN FOSTER SYSTEM. WHAT ELSE ARE WE CALLED? MANY DIFFERENT THINGS. >> I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH YOU BEING HERE. >> THIS BAR CODE, SIR, SHOULD SCAN YOUR NAME. >> OKAY. GO SCAN IT. >> I NEED TO VERIFY WITH YOUR IDENTIFICATION. >> YOU NEED A SCANNER. THINGS ARE REALLY HEATING UP HERE AT THE FLAT EARTH CONVENTION. >> DO YOU HAVE YOUR IDENTIFICATION? >> WHAT DOES IT COME UP AS? >> JAKE. >> HERE'S MY TOP CHOICE VIDEO DVD RENTAL. BIG BALL CLUB. >> YOU DON'T HAVE ANY FORM OF STATE IDENTIFICATION? >> YOU KNOW WHAT? IF YOU GUYS WANT TO KICK ME OUT, I'LL JUST GO. NO, FINE, FINE. CAN I GET A REFUND FOR THIS? >> THAT'S TOWN THIS MAN. >> WELL, THAT'S IT FOR ME! GOOD-BYE, STUPID ROUND WORLD. CHECK OUT! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] >> Jimmy: I'M CONVINCED. OH, HEY, LOOK AT THAT. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
I’ll watch for the flat out of hell caption alone
He looked kinda flat
Man these late night guys always stealing other people's bits, y'all gotta check out AllGasNoBrakes for the original