It's Not Personal

greetings i'm chief of bratigan and this is schieffer's magic alcove so as you know i was sick i was really really sick and it was a very interesting experience from a psychic point of view because a lot of weird things happened to my brain when i was so sick um very disjointed and very unbalanced and kind of scary at some points so i thought it'd be a good thing to talk about what can happen when you aren't well and you aren't grounded and balanced and why it's so important for us to take care of ourselves and be balanced within our bodies and our life as well as our magic so i've still got some stuff in the back of my throat coming up occasionally but the antibiotics have worked thank goodness so let's see um i actually at one point in the middle of this thought i might be going insane again or like in the video i did just shamanic dismemberment uh i was starting to have that same kind of visual effect and so forth which was unnerving and uncomfortable a bunch of you guys sent me healing energy which was gratefully accepted and one individual who was sending me energy determined that i was being attacked psychically so i took steps just in case it was true i was not in a state to be able to determine whether it was accurate or not but certainly at that point in my illness i was very vulnerable to stuff i had that night before she contacted me to tell me that i had a experience with ian's sister where i thought she was outside of our house and banging on the walls and i had the inside of her brain i experienced her mind and the delusional state that she was in and the screaming and the need to make sense out of things it was difficult to explain but i woke up screaming when that happened and ran out into the living room and wokey and up and told them what was going on and i had to check and make sure that she wasn't actually outside of our house so i got a good feel for her interstate but more than i had ever anticipated or wanted to know and certainly she's the one who brought the illness into our household ian got sick first and then i followed a week later and uh because i was so vulnerable during this time i used just about every tool i have in my arsenal when the person contacted me to say that she thought i was under psychic attack as well i'm not sure like i said if it was an outside psychic attack or if it was the inner stuff that was going on with me or not but i decided i might as well take it at face value and do what i could so as i was just after i got the antibiotic and knew that i was going to start getting better i actually set up my wands and last a live show we talked about how i use my wands and how each one is connected to a different energy source and helps me to understand and comprehend that particular energy and after doing years of meditation and work with the various wands that i have they sort of become a reservoir of of that kind of energy so i actually set up my planetary wands around me i used my saturnian wand and my banishing wand before going to bed that night and went through the house and collected all the negative energy that had built up because of what was going on in my head and put it outside the house put it out you know made it leave the house and then i used my mars wand to seal the house back up because mars is so protective it's sort of its energy has a lot to do with that protection kind of thing and then on my east altar i set up the mars wand i took my athame out of its sheath and pointed it to the outside of the east to let anything know if it was coming in that i was not friendly at the moment and then my acacia wand so it sort of made a triangle of energy of mars and my other may and the akasha i used my venusian wand i had that on my bed to add healing energy to my space and uh my other wands were spaced around the room the saturnian wand went back to my earth altar i put my mercury wand over in that section just to clear out thoughts and also bring in some other types of healing energy since mercury hermes is associated with with health i had my solar wand doing the same kind of thing on the other side uh yeah so it it's it's been interesting to sleep in my bed with all of these forces activated at the same time and then ian made a special charged up stone for me that blocks everything it's sort of like putting yourself in a big steel ball and blocking everything out and so i used that at night to sort of block any potential conversations or whatever that might want to be going on from the other planes so that i could heal and sort of stay in that centered place and it worked really well it really did the first couple of nights were restless i had to get up a lot to go to the bathroom but i i slept hard and then the last three nights i think i've slept pretty much through the night that's been marvelous needing to heal so it made me think about a lot of stuff when i was going through the middle of it i had a weird experience we think with an akasha thing where one day i closed my eyes and i saw this flashing black and white back and forth just flashing really fast and then it came into my head and then it turned into a picture of me as a child with a cowgirl hat on sitting on my tricycle on the front lawn with a very unhappy look on my face and i'm thinking that this is actually a picture that's in our photo album from home that's an actual picture that we have or very similar to actual pictures but it was so clear it was like i was seeing this photograph or black it was black and white just as clear as a bell so that was interesting and then just before i got really super sick i had lots of colored lights streams and waves of orange of i guess it was blues and greens and purples and so forth they were just like spinning and bouncing around waves of them coming and stuff so one of the thoughts that i had when i was going through this is what people think being a witch means um and some people obviously are attracted to this lifestyle because they think it means that you're in control of all aspects of your existence that you are the decider that you decide how things should be and how they should go and so negative stuff shouldn't happen to you which is not true bacteria doesn't care what your belief systems are there's no defense against getting sick except trying to stay as centered and well and balanced as you can but that doesn't mean that kind of stuff doesn't happen so i think for me what it means is i have more tools available to help me when i'm going through a rough patch someone mentioned not long ago that i was going through a lot of intense crisis stuff and i thought about that and yes of course right now there is some chaos in our lives with ian's sister arriving on the scene and bringing her particular brand of insanity and imposing it on our environment and us having to figure out what to do about it whether we should allow it or not putting out boundaries and and setting things in place so that it doesn't happen again but it's just how life is life always has some kind of um something that you need to work through or something that you need to face something that you need to decide how to deal with my entire life has been that way from the beginning with the traumatic childhood that i had and then the traumatic relationships that followed because of the traumatic childhood and i don't see that as an indication of a failure on my part or a plot that the universe has against me or anything like that i see it as just what happened and what was and being able to just accept things the way they are helps me to move through them and forward and on to the other side of whatever it happens to be so if the reason why you want to be part of this path is because you think it gives you superpowers or the ability to arrange your life exactly how you think it should be it's not a good path because that's not the reality of magic being a person who's imbued with magic ability and feels the energies of the unseen world around us means that you might have a better chance to navigate through the crises when they come if you avail yourself of the right attitude and intention um when you when you are going through it and take the steps that you need in order to stay grounded and well we cannot control other people's feelings or their desires or their needs or their actions this is not what this is about so it's not about getting the perfect job or getting the perfect mate or [Music] winning the lottery or whatever fantastical thing we might have in our mind that we believe will make our lives better more fulfilling more interesting and us more in control of everything around us but it's about being in touch with who we are where we're at and what's going on around us the ability to feel those currents that happen so that like i said we may not be able to avoid certain things but it might give us the skill set we need to survive certain things and learn something from them and keep on going forward it's a a not an uncommon human trait to try and connect things together so when we're negatively focused on what's going wrong in our lives we are adding energy to that sort of perception of what our life is and what we deserve to have so as long as we look at the bad negative things that have happened to us and determine in our own mind that somehow it's our fault that they happened or some force is out there trying to make these things happen to us we sort of undermine our own power and our own ability to transform things because that's sort of a giving up your power your sense of power by deciding that these are outside forces that you have no control over that are doing things to you not that there aren't outside forces that you have no control over but you do have control over how you respond to those forces and what you choose to get out of the circumstances that you find yourself in paying attention to how you're feeling what's working for you what's not working for you this is sort of a whole part of the process of becoming more your authentic self and and i think that that's pretty much the whole point is becoming more who you are encouraging yourself to be more who you are and not take larger especially larger life experiences as some kind of a judgment criticism punishment of who you are and what you want to be um when my husband and i were in maui i just about drowned both of us did but i came the closest and when i was in the middle of the 20-foot waves that were hitting me and smashing me onto the bottom of the ocean floor the one thing i got was the water didn't know who i was didn't care who i was it had nothing to do with me i just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and its entire purpose was to grind whatever it found in sand and so i didn't take it personally i'm lucky that i survived but that's not something i would take personally when i was in the major earthquake in santa cruz at that point i did take it personally that was sort of the beginning of my understanding that these things aren't personal and at one point i think in the first night and probably about 100 or 150 earthquakes into the aftershocks i threw myself on the floor of my house and pounded with my fists and my feet and had a complete and total breakdown and tantrum and was screaming at the earth why are you doing this to me i've never been anything but nice to you so i was definitely taking that personally so you know we go through stages and uh later i realized that it had nothing to do with me it's just what happens when you're on a living planet without tectonic plates and their movement new life wouldn't happen destruction is a part of creation and we see it around us all the time one thing has to go away in order for something to have room for something new to happen and that's just the way it is you can't fill everything there is with just one kind of thing if it isn't moving somehow and in flux and transforming from one state to another then it's a static unnatural condition which eventually will shatter and break so the more we try to maintain a certain attitude or a certain way of thinking or a certain way of being or a certain way of doing and are determined that this is the way things should be the more we fight against the nature of reality which is all about flow and change and transformation and i went through many states like that remember when i was first meditating up in the kispiox valley and my children would like you know become raucous and make noises and i'd be yelling at them because they were interrupting my serenity which of course was their job because if you can't maintain a sense of serenity in the middle of chaos then you really haven't figured it out yet and you know i clearly had not figured it out yet so that's where that was at but it's sort of funny looking back at it and thinking about it so when it comes to trying to keep yourself balanced uh not aside from like having an illness like i had which sort of throws all of plans into the shredder because at that point your only focus has to be on surviving what's going on and getting through to the other side which is what i did but uh when things aren't quite as desperate as they were um thinking about how you walk through your life some people think if they're not doing magic and ritual all the time they're failing as a practitioner or a witch or whatever it is what form of paganism you might be in or whatever it is that you practice and again it's not about that it's about awakening that inner sense of connection with everything and it should be in everything you do whether it's normal mundane practical doing the dishes cleaning the house taking a bath whatever going to the store these things aren't unmagical just because we're not in the middle of doing a ritual we're doing them because if we're present in our life there's always something there that we might experience or realize or or what have you but again it's about that balance because you have to take care of your your physical body and you also need to take care of your mental body and your emotional body all these things work together and so the physical is the basics like having shelter a place to feel secure and if you don't have that that's a terrible place to be because i can't i can't even imagine how um ungrounding it would be to not know for sure where you were going to be spending the night and night of the of the week but uh hopefully you know that would be some the first thing to take care of would be to find a way to meet basic physical needs and then the emotional stuff is about you know processing the things that have happened to us and not letting those experience decide and and force us to project onto everyone and everything else out there it's difficult to become clear it's a process it doesn't happen overnight and it's okay not to be there i certainly haven't been there for you know until fairly recently i think hopefully i'm there at this point but i feel like i am but i may not be who knows but that taking care of the emotional self is not projecting your needs onto other people i mean if you want to clear that out it's about learning who you are and clearing out your own stuff so that you can actually be in the moment and present emotionally with someone else and then you know it's not them trying to fill a need in you or fill up a space that you feel that is empty and and that you know you can't live without some external validation and experience of having that person be part of you kind of thing because that in itself is a dangerous position to be in for you and for a partner because then expectations are high and when the the first time someone doesn't meet your expectations of how they should be when you need them to be a certain way then that puts a strain on the relationship and it's then not an actual relationship it's more i don't know exactly what to call it but my idea of a relationship is more of an equal um clear clarity with between two people where you can meet each other's needs as needed but you don't have to it's not it's not the basis for having that relationship with somebody so that emotional side of you needs to be nurtured and i find that you know ritual and magic help a lot with that there's no doubt that it is one of the foundational things that i have found why i did the cup transformation exercise so for so long every day when i was up in the kispiox trying to actually get down and find what the things were that were in me that weren't serving me and weren't working for me and bring them out and turn them into something that did work for me sort of reclaiming my true power and intent so there's a lot of different ways of doing that and there's nothing wrong with having you know like psychiatry or psychologists or medication if that's what you need because we're interfacing our spirit is interfacing with a with a body and sometimes that interface works well and sometimes it doesn't and if it's not working well but whatever you can do to make it work better is just going to help you through the life that you're in and learn more about what you might want so it's not a sign of failure it's not that we have to be able to do this alone because well you know me and all the other life forms that are out there that i can connect to help me not be alone human beings in general seem to be pretty messed up as far as their disconnect they have most of us have a huge disconnect to the rest of life and the rest of existence and having to be purposeful and finding a purpose and a reason for existing is not a healthy thing either we talked about that in one of my last videos before i got sick so you know it's enough to be alive to exist and to experience we don't have to have anything else to justify our existence not really and then the mental part keeping our mind clear and thinking straight critical thinking is important to that aspect being able to look at something and figure out where does it come from is it true or not for me does it is it useful does it serve where i'm at right now does it help to make me see things more clearly and better and if it doesn't why am i connected to it and why do i keep on doing it so until we can actually clarify our mental aspect as well and look at those things from a perspective of uh overview you know a wider stance then we can get stuck and caught up in narratives that we're creating for some purpose we don't understand which is usually based in the feelings of things yeah so anyway with that practicing some of the shadow work exercises looking at our assumptions of reality and whether they're true or not is part of clearing out that mental body so that we're seeing things from a more centered and grounded perspective which is why grounding is so important when i was sick definitely grounding was very difficult although i was totally in my body my brain and my energy and stuff was everywhere i was all over the place and uh and very felt very off very uncentered and very ungrounded and i did what i could to try and you know get back but i had to give in to needing to see the doctor i had a temperature i think of 102 when i went to see the doctor and that was an interesting experience just from a personal experience the doctor i saw was the doctor on call not my regular doctor and it turned out to be my husband's doctor that i saw and i've only ever seen him in relationship to being there with my husband and my attitude towards him when i'm there being the protector support person uh trying to stay on top of things and make sure that ian's needs are being met uh was completely different from being there as his patient when he was looking at me and you know realizing how sick i was and you know deciding what needed to be done send me in for chest decorate x-rays to make sure i didn't have pneumonia and all this other stuff um so it was it was interesting because these two versions of him were not really the same at all and so looking at them and realizing that okay so now i have a different attitude towards him because i was so vulnerable at the time i could feel how much he cared about how i was doing and that about how sick i was and so now i realize he cares about my husband he's not being just flippant he may not know the answer to everything but he actually does genuinely care so i think that in the future our relationship when i go in with my husband to for him to see his doctor will be a little bit different but you know without that shift in our positions i wouldn't have noticed that and that's the thing there's a lot of things that are like that that we don't notice unless something happens to point it out to us at least i'm open to the realization that okay now i have different feelings towards this person than i did before because of how he treated me and uh and so yeah it's sort of interesting so even in the middle of all that i had some uh interesting revelations so um just wanted to check in with everybody and let you all know that i'm doing pretty well i'm still coughing occasionally i still have some stuff in the base of my lungs that is coming out but i'm through the antibiotics at this point and i seem to be my voice is back uh i've lost my voice completely after the last live show and it was actually after the last live show that ian's sister showed up on her doorstep again uh we didn't let her in it was that afternoon at five o'clock that she showed up and ian had to go outside with her and again she lost it and started screaming at us because we weren't going to let her in we were trying to explain to her that you know we would call the mental health crisis hotline and get the team out to help her if she wanted them to we would get her her stuff if she needed her stuff uh it was sort of a ironic thing that she came with no shoes and she had a pair of her shoes in her in our kitchen and when ian realized she was at the door he picked up her shoes off our floor and that's what she wanted were her shoes and went outside with them so he was pretty good at following his instincts at that point but yeah there was definitely um some energetic stuff going on and it was right after that that i started getting quite sick it was obviously there already because my voice was pretty scratchy when i was on our last live show a little bit scratchy still but nothing like i have been no one could understand anything i said so anyway just wanted to let you know where it was at and what was going on and some of the things that are popping around in my brain and what i think i'm learning about what happened and and that kind of thing and uh we'll have our live show tomorrow afternoon barring any unforeseen incidences that may take place so feel free to send in your questions and let me know what would you like to you know talk about and if there's anything i do know something about i will but you know of course because i'm willing to answer questions so i hope you guys are doing well and are staying balanced and grounded and doing the work for yourself in order to make yourself feel better about being you and uh i'll talk to you guys tomorrow so this is chiefer bradigan and this has been schieffer's magic alcove blessed be

Channel: Siofra's Magic Alcove

Views: 589

Rating: 4.9499998 out of 5

Keywords: paganism, pagans, magic, magick, fate, siofra, siofra bradigan, siofras magic alcove

Id: sVPaGE_R-Vk

Length: 31min 55sec (1915 seconds)

Published: Sat Dec 12 2020