Is it wrong to desire marriage?

[Music] so what advice do you have for single adults who are living alone dealing with loneliness and desiring a family they think it's good but god hasn't given it to them yet yeah so how this ties to um our previous episode where the question is you know what is good we talked about what is goodness because you know every good and perfect gift is from above and it says in the scripture let me just say this your longing for intimacy with another person you know emotionally and relationally and spiritually and physically is not sin you are made in the image of god it is not good it says for man to be alone now you don't have to be married to find full satisfaction on earth but the desire to be married is not in and of itself a problem when we elevate it to the one thing that we think can satisfy us that's a recipe frankly for a failed relationship right so coop you know this that when um you were a young boy um i sat down and i came up with five characteristics of a godly man and because you've got three sisters i came up with five characteristics of a godly woman and uh you ready for me to quiz you yeah on just the first one so what's the first characteristic i said of a godly man yeah first one step up which he so he did these five character characteristics and then he put his own little tagline next to it and then underneath each of these he has tons of scripture on there and so i probably wouldn't be able to ace all the scripture but the tagline so the first one was step up and the tag line is lead initiate be a man of action assume it's your job your moment hate apathy and reject passivity yeah and so it goes all the way through and so the first three were different on my godly man and godly woman sheet and the last two were the same because number four on both them is stay humble stay humble and number five serve the king serve the king right and so um what's interesting is i got spankings if i missed any of those that's not true he still would today if he had gotten it all right that violates i think number three which is number two to speak the truth right okay so uh but i will say this you know uh on the godly and we'll put a link to both of these by the way um and you can hit him by google i think you just type in what is a godly man that's the first thing that shows up or what is a godly woman also but uh i'm answering it this way for women specifically because was that question was it submitted from a friend from a female family i think so i think so what's this i'm a single woman in my mid-20s yes and i live alone and so here's what i taught my girls the very first thing i wanted my little girls to know was that they should never buy the lie that anyone or anything other than jesus can satisfy him okay and so i'm while we want to say marriage is good and it's not sin to long for um god's gift to us it says in the scripture he who is a house and said proverbs 19 14 says this a house an inheritance are gifts from a father but a prudent wife is a gift from the lord so our good god one of the things he gives us is marriage okay and intimacy with others i will tell you that god is sufficient in and of himself and that's what i wanted my little girls to know you don't need some guy to validate you yeah and tell you that you know what you've got value because i am going to choose you of all the women in the world right what i want my little girls to know and i want my sons to know but i want my little girls to know is you're valuable because god chose you you're valuable because you're created in his image you have dignity and honor separate from a man and there is no man that will ever give you what you're ultimately looking for this is the biggest problem most people have in relationships is that they get married thinking that this is the person that is my soul mate that will fill my cup and uh give me great gladness fill my cup fix my problems and keep me glad you know what this this girl's on instagram and she's seeing everybody's pictures 100 days till he becomes my husband 50 days and you're you're feeding yourself as if only i had that yeah and i even had i mean i had a friend who posted uh something along the lines of i'm in quarantine specifically during this time and i'm seeing all of these instagram posts i have this person who loves me unconditionally who's gonna pursue me always i'm their person i'm so glad i'm locked up in my house with you yeah and and that's just a lie like marriage is an incredible thing and it is a gift and it is good but that person is still fallen it's still sinful and they're not always your person they're not always i mean they are because you're in a committed relationship yeah and so that's where the this extra security is found but they're still a fallen sinful human and they're not always gonna and there's a promise that they're not always gonna give you satisfaction they're not always gonna love you in that moment yeah they're gonna hurt you whereas god will never disappoint and never hurt you there's a longing to have more of god that will never have the fullness of god that we want on this earth he alone can satisfy and let me just but let's just answer our friend's question here because she says i'm a single adult living alone alone and that can be really hard i mean i i one of the things i tell my friends in general is one of the best ways you can prepare for marriage is to have a roommate right somebody who doesn't clean the dishes the way you want right and you really want to step it up uh have a roommate where there's just one bathroom in the house right that'll stretch that'll stretch you and guess what marriage stretches you yeah right and and i i just i would say look this it's not sin to live alone it is not wise to be alone if you separate yourself you quarrel against all sound wisdom the scripture says and that's an ideology and i think even in physicality man is not created to live alone man is created and women is created to have relationships with others and so one of the things i think some people are realizing is hey while i like the peace and quiet when i was at work all day and then would come home man now that i realize i'm home alone all the time you might want to go i'm not really sure i want to have so much separation in my life yeah and so a roommate or just even if you are living alone you do want to pursue deep human connection and you don't need to be married to have deep human emotionally healthy relationships but you cannot have deep human emotionally healthy relationships if you don't have a relationship with people that are deeply in love with and pursuing and yielded to jesus christ yeah that's i mean i think that is a really helpful answer because there's a lot of people who who do just i put this idolatry on the idea of marriage and uh again it's good it is a gift from god but it is not god like you said earlier but one of the things i just say about the loneliness piece right so how what's a good way to deal with loneliness and i would just tell you you want to pursue people don't sit there and wonder why people aren't pursuing you right you get what you give a lot of times and so i would i would just say hey find somebody that you can love find somebody that you can serve find somebody that you can be a friend to and you will have a friend um and and always just say hey lord would you fill me up so that out of the overflow of my relationship with you i can be um a minister to people and not manipulating them to have my needs met i had a young man that um when i was doing youth ministry years ago was just depressed and um felt like he didn't have friends and i literally i said here's what i would do i would go to um you know you said even when i go to the football game nobody really wants to sit with me and so first of all i said i'll go with you i'll be your friend i'll sit with you i mean uh and i'll use my friendships to include you in it that's one of the things that believers should do but i literally said hey i'll tell you what we're going to do we're going to stop by you know pick your favorite name of your favorite grocery store and i'm going to we're going to buy a back of charms blow pops literally charms blow pops because you don't love a good charms blow pops those i don't even know what those are those things that's bubble gum in them they're lollipops you've had them your whole life really bobby kratty handed them out to us those are called charms that's the brand yeah it's a brand so like tootsie pops have a delicious chocolate center right but a charms blow pop has at its center okay it's got the bubble it's got the white wrapping yeah instead of them yeah okay bobby carter and tootsie pops okay i'm a charms blow pop yeah and so anyway i said let's go to the game and so we got to the game and literally we're there and i just said hey why don't you just go hey you and at one point i told my friend i said once you say hey who wants to charge blow pop and i mean in seconds the bag was gone right he's in the high school section and he's throwing blow pops to people and i said hey just hang on a little bit and just you know a little bit later when something happens go okay who can predict you know the next time someone's going to score i'll give you a blow pop and so anyway he became the center of the section's attention not because he was giving away blow pops but he was having fun he was initiating with the people he was thinking of something other than himself yeah so the next week he comes to the game and everybody goes hey brent you know what he was looking somebody comes in by me and he didn't have any blow pops right and uh and he goes i don't have blow pops they go well come here sit with me anyway he goes no and he went and got blow pops and so literally i don't know what blow pops cost back then let's just say they were 3.99 for a pack of 40. right yeah okay and so but but it went from him doing that a couple of weeks to i think he was even remembered like in that high school you know when they they talk about people who do stuff yeah like the yearbook superlatives the answer is the principle this is not get blow pops and and buy friends with candy real truth real quick no that's not the point here's the point is is think of ways that you can be a blessing to other people a simple way where you can instead of instead of sitting here thinking hey nobody wants to sit next to me why don't you go and go how can i make somebody you know else a little happier and give them a little bit more joy with not very much effort and you don't need blow pops to do it it's just initiate conversation so what i would say to my my friend who's living at home alone is to be somebody who just sits there and instead of saying i wish uh a guy would call me or friends would call me i would say hey who was somebody i could call and initiate with and i think as a gal i tell my daughters you know hey you're the treasure treasures don't do the hunting okay but i would i would pursue relationships with others i would get involved with ministries where you're going to be around other individuals guys and girls that are pursuing christ where you can form friendships with them that who knows what it will turn into in that case gary thomas we read we read gloria's pursuit and he talks about that principle i can't remember what chapter it's in but it's it's such a when i read it i was like that is such a good principle just to live by when you walk into any room and you have the freedom of i'm not looking for someone to love me and you walk in i'm here to love people i'm looking for the person that i can love and i can engage with and encourage there's because there's always someone who needs that yep and every room you go into that's every football that's following jesus yeah and so when you live with that mindset and that perspective it frees you up from loneliness and it frees you from the need for affirmation and uh to feel fulfillment from anything other than christ because you're looking to you better transition next question yeah because i want to add one thing here okay because we talked about how one of the mistakes people make is they believe that a relationship is going to fill their cup and i i wanted to say to you to friends that are watching you want to seek the lord not seek a husband not seek a wife okay seek more of jesus and here's the thing when you're doing that you're going to be um i i tell girls all the time a girl ought to be so much like christ that a man can't find her unless he's looking to jesus himself because that's the kind of man that is going to uh be the blessing in a human relationship that you want and don't believe that there's anyone don't buy the lie that anyone or anything other than jesus can satisfy you hey friends thanks for watching that episode of real truth real quick where i try and give answers to life leadership in the world we live in we love doing this because it's a great way to push forward biblical truth and equip the saints hey do us a favor and subscribe to our channel which you can do by hitting up youtube or just hit the link in the show notes below

Channel: Real Truth. Real Quick.

Views: 6,676

Keywords: RTRQ, Is it wrong for a Christian to desire marriage, Todd Wagner, Real Truth Real Quick, Watermark Community Church, Christian Dating, Christian Marriage, faith, Emma Dotter, Cooper Wagner

Id: sb2QfKf6lVM

Length: 12min 32sec (752 seconds)

Published: Fri Jul 31 2020