Is College Still Worth It? | Patriot Act with Hasan Minhaj | Netflix

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TIL Hasan is a UC Davis alumni.

👍︎︎ 59 👤︎︎ u/xanacop 📅︎︎ Jun 16 2020 🗫︎ replies

i love when he makes UC jokes, gotta represent the best public university system in the US

👍︎︎ 98 👤︎︎ u/10hp_archon 📅︎︎ Jun 16 2020 🗫︎ replies

haha I saw that and came here to ask if UCB does actually treat their students better ?(compared to other campuses, esp with Covid rn) I'm in high school & want to apply to schools that actually care about their students to some degree lol so any insight is appreciated :)

👍︎︎ 24 👤︎︎ u/alavaa0 📅︎︎ Jun 16 2020 🗫︎ replies

Respecc

👍︎︎ 5 👤︎︎ u/MaximumLeg4 📅︎︎ Jun 16 2020 🗫︎ replies

Wow this was so good

👍︎︎ 3 👤︎︎ u/wanghuiren 📅︎︎ Jun 16 2020 🗫︎ replies
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We all know the coronavirus has hit older Americans the hardest. Except for Jeff Goldblum. He's still out here dressing like he's in BTS. But COVID-19 is also hitting young people in a major way. Across America, life is changing rapidly. Hundreds of schools and colleges are closing nationwide. Stanford, Princeton, Harvard. A lot of schools. And it seems like, the number is growing by the day. “At Kent State University, today many students moved out unexpectedly.” -What are you taking with you? -Everything. Millions of students home early. I know. I've got one here who's behind the camera this morning. A 19-year-old from BU. Why do I feel like I should call the FBI? “I've got a 19-year-old student back here. Taut, supple, loves hockey.” Colleges were some of the first places to shut down because of corona. In an instant, childhood bedrooms became dorms, moms became cafeteria workers, and Econ 101 looked like The Brady Bunch fucked Don Lemon's show. By the way, I love how celebrities are also like, “Aww, you didn't get a graduation? Let me just FaceTime you from my bedroom.” So keep your eyes on the ball. There's always the haves and the have nots in a capitalistic society. Trust me, as a dude who only got a 1310 on the SAT and became a stand up comedian, there's no shame in living at home. Okay, look. They didn't ask me to be in the “Imagine” video, so I had to take what I could get. It's no secret, students aren't loving classes online. And not just because one teacher forgot to close his porn tabs. It's a shame he had to resign. He loved his job so much, he literally jerked off to it. Schools going online also meant that students weren't getting what they'd paid for. A lot of them were pissed. Students are suing two major universities in New England. “Demanding repayment for their tuition, and their room and board.” It's just kind of wild to think that we had to pay $55,000 for basically the same thing you could find on Coursera or edX. Holy shit, $55,000 for a glorified MasterClass? That's enough to take <i>Screenwriting with Aaron Sorkin</i> and buy the mountain of cocaine he used to write A Few Good Men. So far, students around the country have filed at least 100 lawsuits for refunds. The dean at NYU Tisch sent an email saying there'd be no refunds for tuition and then attached this very real video. ♪ That's me in the corner ♪ ♪ That's me in the spotlight Losing my religion ♪ Someone forcing you to listen to R.E.M. is already one of the worst parts of college. You just don't expect it to be your dean. Also, it's $58,000 a year to go to Tisch. And she's like, “Sorry you can't get your money back, here's a free Zumba class.” There's actually one big reason why schools don't want to give out refunds. “The American Council on Education now projects nationwide enrollment in the fall will be down 15% for a revenue loss, conservatively, of $23 billion.” $23 billion. That is so much money they could have used to not pay college athletes. The truth is, some schools aren't going to make it through COVID. One estimate says 345 universities across the country may have to close in the next six years. The University of Akron is closing six of its eleven colleges. And for the schools that are staying open, rules are all over the place. The Cal State system announced that classes will only be online. And UNC and Notre Dame are going to open early, but then end the semester by Thanksgiving. Look... no one has a clue what college is going to look like next year. So if you're about to go to college, or you're in college, or if you're a parent, you're probably wondering... Is college still worth it? Because with student debt crushing so many people, it's important to know: what are you really getting for your money? This debate isn't new, by the way. Pre-COVID, lots of people were questioning the value of college. Especially rich assholes. -There's no need even to have a college degree at all. - Oh, okay. Don't spend, you know, $200,000 on a college degree and waste four years of your life. Colleges, they're like as corrupt as the Catholic Church was 500 years ago. He's right, everyone knows colleges force professors to remain celibate and burn heretics alive. Look, I get that a lot of people feel that way. But growing up most of us were told, “Hey, if you get into the right college, it's your golden ticket.” I believed that. It's why these videos are a thing. I just got into Harvard. Oh my god, I got in! -Yeah, baby! -Oh my god. To all my Asian parents watching at home: the thing those parents were doing is something called “being proud.” I know. It's stupid. So clearly a lot of people still think college is worth it. You know the intangibles: social skills, critical thinking, and the chance to smoke weed out of your roommate's sleep apnea machine. But there are real facts in favor of college: over their careers, women with a college degree earn about $450,000 more than high school grads. For men, it's $660,000 more. For low-income students, a college degree may be the single best engine for social mobility. If you grow up poor and graduate from college, you have a 90% chance of getting out of poverty. So, getting a degree is kind of like being Tom Hanks' kid. Your chances of ending up okay are very high but it's not 100%. It's ya boy Chet and I coming straight from the Golden Globes, y'know what I'm saying? My father Tom Hanks presenting an award soon forward come. Big up, tune in. By Golden Globes' standards, this actually counts as diversity. So, the benefits of a college degree are pretty obvious. But what you may not realize, is that the downside of not having a degree is getting worse. In the '90s, jobs that paid at least $35,000 were held by college grads 40% of the time. Today, it's 55%. But that's mainly because in the '90s most people had a job being in Guns N' Roses. But here is the most shocking fact. Americans are killing themselves by drinking, by accidentally overdosing, by overeating, or more quickly and more straightforwardly, by committing suicide. Deaths of despair have risen in parallel for men and women. The key distinction here is not between men and women, but rather between those with and without a college degree. That is so depressing. Even when you hear it from a Hogwarts professor. Working-class life is more grueling than ever. Look at the number of white people who died from deaths of despair. This is how many had a college degree. And this is how many who didn't. That should be on every brochure by the way. Just like, “Chico State, go here, or die of unnatural causes.” Do you see what's happening here? College used to be aspirational, it was your shot at a better life. But these days, you're not really rewarded for getting a degree. It's kind of expected. But you are definitely penalized for not getting one. So when it comes to going to college, it's an unenthusiastic yes. Like voting for Joe Biden. It sucks, but you're probably gonna do it if you want a future. And whether or not colleges know this, they have you by the balls. Which means they can twist and squeeze. Check this out: college tuition has more than doubled over the past 30 years. And on top of that, tuition and fees make up only 48% of total costs students actually pay to attend those schools. Obviously, we all know college is expensive. But what you might not know is that the product is getting worse. Just look at what's happening to tenured professors. Tenure is when a university gives a professor lifelong job security to do research and teach. They're well-paid, killer benefits. It's the Delta Gold Medallion status of academia. Good professors are necessary. Without them, college is just ramen noodles and a few pregnancy scares. But tenured professors are being replaced with a cheaper option. Statistics over the last 10-20 years point toward a growing trend in the employment of adjunct or part-time professors. It's the Uber economy where everything's freelance. What might be called the “adjunctivitis epidemic.” Ugh. “Adjunctivitis?” Okay no, only one disease per episode. It's why we're talking about college and I haven't once mentioned chlamydia. Adjuncts are the gig workers of higher education. And they are now teaching a lot of classes. Since 1975, the percentage of tenured or tenure-track professors has dropped. But non-tenured teachers has shot up. I'm not saying that adjuncts are bad. It's just that they're expected to do the same work as tenured professors, while getting treated like shit. We are not given any kind of benefits. No medical, no dental, no vision, no retirement, no family leave, no sick leave, nothing. “To support his family, Rob Balla drives to three different Ohio universities, to teach six English classes, and tutors on the side. He had pneumonia last fall, worked anyway.” “Ellen Tara James-Penney is an adjunct professor at San Jose State. On most nights, she sleeps in her car.” Can you imagine finding out your college teacher lives in their car? That's almost as bad as finding out your 2nd grade teacher doesn't live at school. “Mrs. Caldwell? Why are you at the movies? And who gave you jeans?” If your professor is running from college to college, working through pneumonia, and living in their car, it'll probably impact the quality of your education. Look, no one wants to go to office hours in a '07 Honda Civic. He's like, “Hey, don't worry, it's leather seats.” Adjuncts have it pretty bad, but there's one group that has it even worse: teaching assistants- grad students who are also paid to teach undergrads. Now we usually think of TAs as slightly hornier professors. But they do a lot. At Purdue, 26% of grad students are the primary teacher for at least one course. And if you want a 25-year-old to explain David Foster Wallace to you, don't go to college, just go on Hinge. TAs average less than $14,000 a year. $14,000! The only way it could've been worse is if they got paid in “Losing My Religion” dances. So it's no surprise that tons of grad students are doing this: “Hundreds of grad student workers at UC Santa Cruz are putting their jobs on the line. They've been on strike now for nearly two weeks demanding higher pay.” “And they're joined by other schools north and south. Strikes are underway at UC Santa Barbara and UC Davis.” “Ben Scheer, who has scratches on his head and arm, says cops arrested him for not moving when police approached the demonstrators in riot gear.” Why are the police wearing riot gear? What is Ben going to do? Attack you with specific examples from the text? As many of you know, UC Santa Cruz is an old friend of the show. And it's a pretty progressive place. So of course the school listened to the students, considered their concerns, and decided they could go fuck themselves. We've learned the UC Santa Cruz grading strike continues with a new round of graduate teaching assistants being fired. The striking group says this leaves the grad students ineligible for unemployment benefits during the COVID-19 pandemic. Ah, now I know why your school's mascot is a banana slug. 'Cause your administration is gross, slimy, and reminds everyone of flaccid dicks. Look, I know I used to say this as a joke, but now I mean it sincerely. Transfer to Berkeley. Your parents will be prouder. By the way, grad students have been protesting at Harvard, Yale, and the University of Chicago. So, if you're an incoming freshman, think about what this means. You're paying a lot of money for school, but only a fraction of it is going to your education. So you're probably wondering... where is my money going? There are people who make hundreds of thousands of dollars as provosts, as presidents, as chancellors, and between 1970 and 2008, the adjunct pay has gone down 49%. The college president's salary has gone up 35%. Let's break this down. While colleges were losing tenured professors, they were beefing up administrators at an insane rate. In over 30 years, the number of administrators at private schools shot up 135%. I'm talking deans, coordinators, vice presidents, provosts. By the way... what the fuck is a provost? Does anybody actually know? 'Cause I googled it, and all it said was, “A person who does a thing at a university.” So I clicked on Wikipedia, and a pop-up said, “There are some things you aren't meant to know, Hasan.” But I clicked it anyway, and this happened. I didn't realize EDM could sound so... threatening. What I'm saying is, if I mysteriously vanish, you know what happened. Find the pallbearers. High level administrators are raking it in. In less than ten years, the number of presidents and chancellors making over a mil went from 28 to 76. That is an exponential spike. But presidents aren't even the highest-paid administrators. If you want to see who's really making bank, don't look at who runs the school. Look at who runs the endowment. So if any of you guys have graduated, you know that blocked number that randomly calls you, asking for money? They're like, “Hey, we're your college. Remember us?” And you're like, “Nope! I've given you assholes enough. Never call me again.” The money they collect from that call goes into an endowment. And the people who manage that endowment often get paid more than anyone on campus. In 2014, Yale spent $400 million on investment managers. Nearly three times what they spent on tuition assistance. Which is odd, because these funds are massive. “Princeton reported an endowment of $26.1 billion last year.” Stanford has a $27 billion endowment. “The University of Texas, which has a $31 billion endowment.” Harvard does happen to be the richest college in the world. It has a $40 billion endowment. $40 billion! That is bigger than the economies of half the countries in the world, including Afghanistan, Honduras, and Cambodia. Basically, Harvard's endowment is bigger than the countries destroyed by its alumni. You got to give him props. Do you know hard it is to be the biggest murderer from your school when you went to the same school as the fucking Unabomber? Bottom line: when you donate to a university, you're basically donating to a hedge fund with the same name as a university. And clearly endowment managers have a lot of responsibility. But the question is, does it benefit your education? “Harvard's website does say that it doesn't use endowments to reduce tuition, because, one, they have to maintain the endowment, and much of it is restricted or set away for specific projects. In 2018, most of the money was put into things like hedge funds, real estate, stocks and bonds.” To be fair, an endowment isn't like a bank account. There are restrictions. But criticizing them has become a bipartisan issue. These universities use the money to pay their administrators or put donors' names on buildings, or just store the money, keep it, and invest it. Wait... it's like Trump and Bernie swapped just one opinion. Somewhere, Bernie Sanders is giving a speech about how ugly Ted Cruz's wife is. “She's a 4 at best! Swipe left.” Look, if anyone knows about scamming college kids, it's Trump. But he is right. Most schools only spend about 5% of their endowments every year. And Harvard admits that 30% of what they do spend is flexible. That's $600 million flexible dollars a year! So maybe the next time there's a global pandemic, you could do more to help these low-income students who had to start a GoFundMe. But no, it's cool. Blow another hundred mil on vineyards instead. So, when you see schools relying on gig workers, firing employees who strike, boosting president pay, and dumping money into hedge funds, this isn't the playbook of an academic institution. This is the playbook of a corporate institution. And that's a shift that's been going on for a long time. Since the recession in 2008, universities have seen their revenues decline, and overall state funding for public colleges and universities remains $9 billion below its pre-recession levels. If you go to an Ivy League school, you're fine. But state funding for public colleges never recovered from the '08 financial crisis. Tuition used to make up a third of their funding. Today, it's almost half. Which might not seem like a big deal, but it comes with a huge shift in priorities. If schools live or die by tuition, what do you think priority number one is going to be? Chasing down kids who come from money. “It's housing fit for royalty.” The best of the best amenities. “And it's offered only to college students.” This is a three-bedroom, two-bath. “With state-of-the-art appliances, chandeliers, and a wine fridge. Outside, there's a private Jacuzzi. Inside, a shower head with Bluetooth capability.” And music comes out the middle. I get trying to appeal to rich kids, but have they ever met one? No one's ever been like, “That guy is so rich, I bet he listens to music out of his shower head.” Before COVID, colleges were transforming into playgrounds for rich kids. I'm talking about a ball pit at MIT, a five-story rock climbing wall at Auburn, even a private steak house at High Point University. But for some reason, colleges have been obsessed with one specific amenity. “Students at Louisiana State University can now enjoy a 500-foot lazy river that spells out ‘LSU.’” “They're getting a lazy river at college. This is all part of a new sports facility at the University of Central Florida.” When I saw that they had a lazy river, that definitely moved it up on my top priority list. What's with this theme park bullshit? Colleges shouldn't be fun like Disney World. They should be soul-crushing like Epcot Center. Fuck that golf ball of sadness. Seriously. Remember being a kid? Your parents would be like, “Let's go to Epcot.” You're like, “Yeah!” Then you get there and they're like, “Hey kids, want to learn about physics?” You're like, “Fuck this place.” By the way, that lazy river at LSU was part of a renovated facility worth almost $85 million. Which is crazy when you find out where that money could've gone. “LSU senior Catherine McKinney took us on a tour of what she says are her school's questionable priorities. At the library, we saw some of the building literally falling apart.” The library has water in the basement and rugs from another generation. Right. But you have a lazy river. But we have a lazy river, so maybe I should just go relax, you know? Do they have... chemistry? The school is falling apart, but I feel like they're vibing. At the very least, they're definitely going to turn this into a romcom called The Lazy River. What is going on? We are turning universities, one of our best tools for social mobility, into a Carnival Cruise that caters to the rich. And that inequity is only going to get worse. “Before the pandemic, the gap was closing. More low-income first-generation students were enrolling in colleges nationwide. Now advocates worry that progress could be lost. High school senior Omar Quevedo-Catana had to start working full-time at Walmart after his mother lost her house cleaning job.” It's really just me trying to keep everyone afloat. And... yeah, it's been tough. Omar's situation is exactly what a lot of students are going through. You feel like you're in a catch-22: you can't afford college, but the rules of modern society are forcing you to go. So while we're figuring out what college will even look like in the future, now would be a good time to ask: what value are you even getting out of these schools? We've clearly shown, college is a business, which means you're the customer. And I don't want to be an Indian dad about this, but you got to make sure you are getting what you pay for. Because in ten years, a “lazy river” ain't going to mean shit on your LinkedIn.
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Views: 2,143,806
Rating: 4.929841 out of 5
Keywords: Netflix, Patriot Act with Hasan Minhaj, Patriot Act, Hasan Minhaj, Netflix Original Series, Netflix Series, Streaming, Television, Television Online, Comedy, Featured, Comedian, Hasan Minhaj Comedy, Hasan Minhaj Stand up, Global News, Politics, Late Night Comedy, Late Night Talk, Indian American, jokes, talk show, latest episode, India, Racism, Protests, Coronavirus, College, Universities, Harvard, Endowments, Money, Financial Aid, LSU, University of Texas, Henry Kissinger, Text books, poverty
Id: YytF2v7Vvw0
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Length: 21min 26sec (1286 seconds)
Published: Mon Jun 15 2020
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