Into the Wild - Part 3 - What Every Woman Needs to Know About Men

[Music] hello this is Steve merwin back with another fascinating look into the wild today we will be reviewing further footage of another interaction between the male and the female human this time with a very interesting course of events we enter as the female is wrestling with a foreign object that appears to have malfunctioned she seems upset by this the male joins her in the room the female's body language communicates her frustration with the male he looks puzzled by the scenario he has found himself in he leaves abruptly while scratching his head the woman looks at her watch signifying that she has lost hope in the mills return the female reaches for her cellular device and makes a phone call ah this part is very interesting it appears the female has communicated with a second male he seems to be a professional in this field the first male returns to the room this time with a tool the second male has many tools and has already begun to fix the broken object the male looks on it seems the female did not have faith in the male's ability to find a solution the male is said [Music] good afternoon I have a good morning good afternoon whatever it is welcome to the well my name is father Anthony welcome to part three of into the wild the relationship series for people who hate relationship series because we're not talking about relationships and what you need to do as much as we're trying to understand how God made us different from one another we're in part three of a five-part series and if you missed either of the two first two parts now you can easily get caught up online you can go binge watch all the weld that you want by going to sts a dot Church and click on the well you can also find us on YouTube you can also find us on the app but make sure that you get caught up because what you missed so far has been some valuable stuff right so in the first week we talked about the indisputable laws of relationships not stuff that we want not stuff that we wish stuff that's just indisputable like gravity is - physics we talked about some indisputable laws of relationships how men and women are just made differently how we process information differently how we deal with stress differently how God made our brains different just how we are different last week was kind of the first part - this week okay last week and this week a kind of two sides to the same coin last week's message was titled what every man needs to know about women gentlemen was it helpful what we talked about last week was it helpful gentlemen there was not that everyone's scared to say in front of their wife okay everyone say last what we talked about because I know sometimes the creature called the male has a very short term memories let's recap the most important thing for a man which you all need to do what we need to do as men is we need to make love a verb someone say a lots not a lot okay a verb lot is that's a different series okay that's a different series okay that's good but a verb is what we really want okay a verb and we talked about how men we talked about how we always think in terms of big things that we need to do we shared a little secret last week that you need to do big things for your wife and there you can earn points with your wife by doing nothing nothing it takes to earn wife points with your wife but just to show how men sometimes I don't get this okay I had a guy text me on Sunday afternoon Sunday afternoon so we finished here at 12:30 like three o'clock he texts me or 3:30 or 4 o'clock and he texted me and he said how long did the points last but you see the difference I bring this up not just to show that he's a buffoon as much as to say this is how your husband thinks ladies he thinks in terms are okay yeah father told me to get points under go get a whole bunch of points I'm gonna rack them up and then I move on to the next task so I can check off the gut points of my wife I don't need to do that anymore that's how we think this is the husband this is when the wife comes and says he doesn't tell me he loves me anymore you never says I love you anymore you say don't say anymore and hasn't respond saying I told you but at the beginning that I loved you if anything changes I'll let you know this is that husband but gentlemen what we realized all right last week it's good news and it's bad news that ladies need constant constant reassurance constant investment constant constant constant acts of love but here's the trick it doesn't need to be big the smallest act of love your woman your wife will respond to and see it is equal to a big one 12 roses is no different than one rose in her eyes save yourself some money and just go for the one because you don't need to do big things it's those little small little things but just to show you how men and women think differently today we're going to talk about the ladies what every woman needs to know about men but before we do that just where we're going in the next two weeks next week's message is titled lost that lovin feeling this one is for men women single married this is for all of us especially those who are approaching marriage in the beginning of marriage this is your most important message is coming next week because we're gonna talk about is about some of the emotional baggage that we carry into our relationships and we always think that the problem is the relationship well my belief in life and you will agree with me after next week when we talk about this together my theory in life is this that your propensity your ability to receive love is based on the baggage that you bring into that relationship so it's not always that he doesn't know how to love me or she doesn't know how to love me maybe it's that I don't know how to receive love because of the stuff that I'm bringing into marriage and the stuff that you bring in if you don't learn how to deal with it will inhibit your ability to ever you'll know always say my husband doesn't love me I don't feel like we're in love and it always come back to something inside me that needs to be dealt with so don't miss that message it's gonna be next week the final week the finale will be titled no one told me that and I'm going to share three or four random pieces of advice that's just on my heart to share with everyone as regards relationship and marriage we're not gonna share it alone we're gonna have a special guest speaker that week I'm going to do a dangerous activity I'm going to invite my wife up on stage and give her a microphone too as some because many ladies like we won't hear it she has a saying are you talking about we are here she is a really good here but she has to say and not only that I'm gonna give you a chance to ask questions but you got to submit them in advance so if you think of a question today or next week or any time you submit that question to questions at sts a church week five in two weeks from now I bring my wife up here give her a microphone we'll share some stuff that no one ever told us but we feel we've beneficial to share with you guys that will be in two weeks but let us go back to today to the ladies all the men are excited for today I see more number of men than usual in church here today and they got their pens and their notebook and they're ready to take some notes what every woman needs to know about men I'm gonna start off with a premise then no one will disagree with and then we'll talk about the application of this premise and the premise is this that men and women are different when it comes to words words when it comes to men how men use them and how women use them are different we're different in what words mean like for example in my household the word 5-minutes means different things and maybe in your household you may discover the same thing certain words have different meanings you'll discover that men and women use words and exact opposite purposes that women actually use them to think and men use them only when they're not thinking and men cannot think and speak at the same time and that's why if he's talking and you're asking what are you thinking the answer is nothing because he's talking but the number one area of discrepancy which no one will disagree with me on this one the number one area of discrepancy is on the quantity of words that we use studies say there's a whole bunch of studies and research on this and you get all kinds of varied results on average on average women use twice as many words per day as men some studies say up to three times now I can read the minds my I know if the wives are thinking the wives think it's because I have to repeat everything cuz he never listed but no ladies this is even pre marriage because they did Studies on children at the youngest age little children on the playground little toddlers a little three four five and six year olds whatever maybe on the playground and they see the little girls playing a little boys playing and you won't believe what they see when little girls are playing the whole time I talk a lot and they talking the whole time and they're talking to a whole time no matter what the game is they're talking and they're speaking in sentences and they're articulating and they're communicating information and what they discovered is even if all the little girls leave that little girl is totally content hundred percent set to talk to herself okay no one even her out the husband's thinking oh that's where she learned it from okay the boys they watch them only 55 percent of the things that came out of a boy's mouth was intelligible and it's more accurate to describe the boys on the playground as noises not words because there's a lot of now I see this discrepancy played out on a regular basis in my car when I'm driving my children I had one boy and one girl ladies in case you don't know this car is prime and nothing box time for your husband it is prime nothing time because we just get in that car we turn on that radio and we just drive we don't know we just drive and we're in our nothing box and when it's me and my son when it's me and the boy nothing makes me prouder then I look over at him and I see him in his nothing box and I'm telling you me and Michael we ride to church together every Sunday we don't utter a word in the beginning I say how are you and he would huh fine yeah hey how was the weekend huh yeah and he was behind me as I do there like I mean he was just and I'm like just stay like I'm just so proud of my boy in the nothing box a couple days ago it was just me and Lizzie in the car she's 10 Michael was 6 18 go to school so I picked up Lizzie from school just me and her I'm in my nothing box and she is huh yeah yeah yeah can you play a game another game what's that always like and she's and I'm just uh uh I'm not listen anything she's saying I know this is bad I'm not saying this is good this is a series on marriage not parenting okay parenting I'm not doing I am a huiying my daughter to death and she says the following she says and I asked her i'ma say Lizzie can't tell this to any church she was so proud she's gonna go listen this she said the following dad are you in one of those not talkative moods again and I'm like when did my daughter become my wife so I explained urgh I explained to her say Lizzie you know sometimes men just need a little bit of time to think so sometimes you know and I'm the talkative mood it's okay her response oh wow a whole sentence dad good for you man good luck to her husband but it's true it's true ladies you know this to be true you can see the difference between how men and women use words in simply asking your husband to tell you a story of something that happened and men women when they tell a story it's as if they're reliving the story that's as if they're there and the action in the scene and the clouds and all that stuff and Men it's 1 2 3 it's just highlights like everything for us to sports then everything that's at the ticker at the bottom just the bottom like how many times the following event has happened to me hey Mary Ann so-and-so had a baby what kind a baby I don't know a little one I don't know and how tall and I'm short and how long I don't know 20 pounds Saturday I have no idea but she wants the details or another one gentleman how many times this happened you come home from work your wife asked you the most dreaded question how was your date our problem is we men we have the boxes remember we talked about the boxes so she asked how was your day we start to scan the boxes we don't see anything because we just look at our day and we categorize it as a day so we look at it and say no so we say every Wives force answer how was your day the day was fine and then she is she a contentious fine knows never contended fine she know what happened we again we start to panic something must have happened something must have happened I left here 10 hours ago selling and we're scanning scanning we can't think of anything and we say nothing and she automatically thinks he's withholding from me he's withholding from me he's not telling me he's not sharing why is he being closed ladies did you know that what Edge's events in your memory is an emotion so if there is an event without an emotional connection it doesn't itch in a memory the reason why you remember everything is because you connect any emotion to everything we men so your problem is not that we're withholding from you the problem is not that your man is trying to keep stuff from you the problem is he's just a heartless emotionless human being and he has no emotion so he just categorizes events as events job as job and that's why there's nothing edged in there on the surface this words discrepancy seems like one of those we talked about in the first week excuse me how our difference is we're not meant to confuse us but to complete us this seems like one of those confusing ones like why would God do this why would God make it so that women who love to communicate and need to communicate and then the men who can barely communicate and think at the same time like they can't do both why would God do that what every woman needs to know about men listen very carefully to me here ladies today because I'm gonna share some good stuff last week I said the men would pay me okay none of cheapskates did but you owe me actually because I'm a share with you something that's super important for you to know your man doesn't use words but he needs yours and he desperately needs yours because what you may not realize is that your words have a greater impact on your man than you will ever realize the words that you say can cut him so deeply and tear him down boy they can build him up and make him feel like a million bucks you have that power in your words proverbs chapter 18 verse 21 says death and life are in the power of the tongue death and life are in the power of the tongue the problem ladies you don't realize the power of your words because the only way for you to realize the impact of your words is your man would have to tell you and we are degree he doesn't talk but just because he doesn't tell you the impact doesn't mean that it's there and what I want to share to you today ladies this is an empowering message for you is that you have a power inside you through your words you know how the whole like the man is the head but the woman is the neck that moves the head you've heard that analogy before this is the perfect analogy for that because you have the power to get your man don't tell him to get your man to do just about anything you want him to do with the power of your words but you must use them wisely you can build him up you can tear him down you can make him feel like he's the superhero the knight in shining armor you can get him to do stuff you can use this to your advantage or you can mess it up and you can destroy him and destroy your most important relationship in your life at the same time if you don't figure this out every man needs two things with your words two things will make it real simple just two things and the two things are really one is building on the other but I wanted to break them out just so I'm even more clear your man needs you to appreciate him and believe in him with your work this is your task ladies appreciate and believe in easy ladies this isn't that complicated right should be pretty easy all the single women saying yes all the married women saying this is a lot harder than you realize cuz you'll realize I'd done my husband distance let's start with appreciate some wives think it is their god-given duty to keep their husbands humble I think it is their obligation to make sure that nothing goes to his head and because of that you remind him of all the dumb idiotic things that he has ever done and said on a regular basis and I'll be honest I sometimes get horrified horrified when I hear how some wives speak about and to their husbands for example oh the house is falling apart you know why because he's too lazy to do anything about it he's too lazy to fix it and he's too cheap to hire someone else right in front of him like the him is right there oh I would go out on on that night and I would join you for that but I can't trust my husband to watch the kids because how is he gonna feed them right there as if as if he has no brain one time I heard a guy share an idea like we're sharing them that hey father anything you ever thought about this for the church like I got this great idea and I heard the wife say no joke that's so stupid that would never work I'm I'm like make light of it and make a joke of it but what I want to say do you realize the damage you are doing to your husband I do realize it the damage you are doing to yourself not just your husband the damage you are causing to the most important relationship in your life the guy who you want to know all the stuff we said last me the guy who we want to love you like a verb do you realize what you're doing to him you don't realize it ladies cuz again men don't talk but we have very fragile egos I'm the first one to admit it I'm up here and I'm confident I'm laughs and I'm joking I'm microphone in public speaking I did a very fragile ego all men do all men watching sports after every play good play man good play good job good job we're always seeking that approval a good job good job good job you wonder where you can see it very clearly all right I started noticed this when I start in the gym you go to a gym you got the machines you got the weights you got the whatever you got the mirrors every gym has tons of mirrors you ever notice how a man versus a woman walks by a miracle a woman walks by mere a normal person she does her exercise and she just walks to the other side how does the man walked by American man puts down the weights he's like and then we kind of every man is checking himself out in the mirror at the gym just go watch at the gym and you will see it we put down that weights and we just run over yeah that's right still got a baby you know what I mean every man because all of us have very fragile egos rose looking for someone even the mirror to say good job good job good job he did a good job cuz every guys looking for approval proverbs will get some verses from Proverbs here proverbs 16 says pleasant words ladies think about this when your man comes home from work pleasant words are like a honeycomb sweetness to the soul and health to the bones proverbs 31 talks about the ideal woman the proverbs 31 woman says she opens her mouth with wisdom and on her tongue is the law of kindness now some of you ladies I know what you're saying the proverbs 31 wieck speaks with wisdom speak with kindness sweetness on her tongue that's because her husband isn't as lazy as mine and if I had a husband who wasn't half as lazy as he was half as stupid as he is look I'm gonna ask for your you I'm gonna ask a favor all the ladies here I know something you got a story and I know you could come up here on stage take the microphone I tell me a thousand stories about how your husband is irresponsible and he's selfish and he's immature and and and and and I've heard all the stories and I promise you I've heard us worst story than yours I promise you if you want someone to one-up your story I can find you to someone to one-up your story I've heard all the stories I'm just asking you give me the next twenty thirty minutes but just for the next twenty thirty minutes ask yourself this question say hey wait maybe I'm not doing my part I talked to them last week and I said how they have to love as a verb and I said all that stuff ladies ask yourself maybe some of you last week your husband came home and he heard my talk about getting the points and he heard about and he tried to do something nice for you and how did you respond he did something nice oh you're just doing that because the father hands and he said I just trying to get some point John give me points you're so far no you're not getting me points a little no point give the guy a break man like this stuff ain't easy for us give him a break you know what I want to say and this sounds disrespectful but I'm talking about men I'm like I'm a man so it's not disrespectful I don't think any of the men will take this in a disrespectful way y'all ladies think like if you say if I were savings about women y'all will get offended but movie men don't get offended me the trait is like a puppy how do you treat a puppy when a puppy does something good appreciate him you give him a little snack say good boy good boy when a puppy does something bad or doesn't do something good what do you do you just don't give him the treat you don't beat the tar out of it tell him how dummy is good treat no good no treat and then eventually we get trained we as men we have no where this is not demeaning for us we'd like this okay we like a reward system like we like one plus one equal to we like to know the rules of the game before the games start but problem is we sometimes which I'll think is that we don't get you beat the tar out of the dog and that's why he's gonna learn what happens you trying to train a dog and you beat the tar out of it every time it doesn't do good you gonna have a spooked dog who is probably gonna avoid the owner at all costs ladies last week I said your man likes to think in his mind he's a superhero and gentlemen remember we said the superhero the number one rule of the hee the number-one rule of superhero he always goes back for the girl remember we said that last week the hero you cannot be a hero if you leave the girl to die in the building you cannot be a hero if the girl is surrounded by a whole bunch of enemies your children okay and she's surrounded by the enemy and you just leave her there okay then you cannot be a hero hero has to go back fight off the little enemies okay and save the woman but ladies I don't know any movie of where the boy comes back for the girl and she says you're late you're supposed to be here I know she said you tracked mud in here when you were saving me why are you wearing that shirt don't you know you're gonna be saving me today if the boy was expecting that from the girl he may not come back or he may find someone else to go save and now you're in trouble because you got a boy out there who wants to be a superhero cuz every boy wants to be a superhero who wants to save the damsel in distress and you told him it is more effort than it's worth to come save me and now you have a problem that's not to say you can't confront him can't challenge him you can't that's not to say that you can't call him out I'm not saying that but what I'm saying appreciation your man needs to know listen carefully you are his number one fan that you are his cheerleader that you're in his corner and that when he comes to you even for the pathetic little things that he does that you will appreciate it and you will encourage it and not shut him down and that gets us to the second one I said appreciate appreciate is the easy one the harder one is believes in because appreciate is kind of the surface and we need to start there but we need to go even higher which is believes in right now I want to look at a passage from first Corinthians 13 a passage you know very well passage that's recited at weddings and engagements all celebrations all over you printed on the little cards and a lot of people not even knowing it's from the Bible recite these verses about how what love is in the passage that st. Paul talks about love and gives the characteristic of love he says lots of great things and will read those in a second but there's one sentence in there if you take it out of the context it sounds like bad advice it sounds like st. Paul we talking about here and I want to look at that sentence and I want to challenge you to think about love and a potentially different way than maybe you've thought about before this passage applies to both men and women okay but specifically today I'm emphasizing it for the women not that men don't need it but kind of like last week when I talked about the love as a verb both men and and women need it but we emphasize it for the men same thing here today on the women's side let's go to first Corinthians chapter 13 love suffers long and is kind and you want to disagree on that perfect love is patient love is kind love does not envy agree love does not parade itself of course because love is giving not taking love is not puffed up love does not behave rudely love does not seek its own is not provoked love thinks no evil thinks no evil in other translations is translated keeps no record of wrong that's the real shame because some of us are really good at that right like it's a shame that love can't do that but some of us it's like our talent in life is to keep track of all the wrong things that our spouse did but love cannot do any of those things so far we're good like we agree this is what love is love does not rejoice in iniquity okay love rejoices in the truth but now here's the strange sentence love bears all things believes all things hopes all things and endures all things is that good advice is that what you tell your girlfriend when she tells you about how insensitive her husband is again how unreliable he is how immature he is you tell her bear all things believe all things hope all things endure all things like it almost sounds abusive doesn't it first of all as I said a minute ago this applies equally to men in women I'm emphasizing it for women but it applies equally to both so don't get yourselves on that one the second thing I believe that bears all things believes all things hopes all things endures all things I want to say this I want to be like overly dramatic here but I'm telling you I can't tell you the number of marriage problems that I see today that this would solve because I truly believe on the lady's side and the men side we talked to them last week so again I'm not negating that but on the lady's side I'm telling you if y'all can figure this out y'all are doing not him a favor you were doing yourselves a favor let me explain in every relationship there's a gap every relationship has a gap a gap between expectation and behavior what you expect of the person and what the person actually does there's always a gap there is never that any person will match their behavior with your expectation fully every relationship at work at home but especially when it comes to marriage does intend to have the highest expectation so when there is a gap between expectation and the behavior you said you'd be home by 6:00 it's now 7 you said you were gonna fix this by Friday it's now Saturday and still broken you said that you were going to do something for my birthday when there's a gap between expectation and belief you listen carefully you have a choice of what you will use to fill that gap you have a choice of what you are going to do to bridge the gap between expectation and behavior your two choices are this believe the best or assume the worst it's your choice will you believe the best will you assume the worst married people y'all get this one easy it is so easy to see what my spouse does when there's a gap it's so easy to see yeah you know what she never believes the best or he never believes the best he always assumes the worst about me it's so easy to see what they do but I'm challenging you I'm asking you where does your mind naturally go when there's a gap you get a text message gonna be late from work today where does your mind naturally go believe the best or assume the worst is your mind go too you know what he must be really busy at work to be late for dinner again I feel bad for or is it that irresponsible unreliable I knew it where does your mind go he's not in a talkative mood he's in a one-word answer kind of mood where does your mind go oh he's probably got a lot on his mind these days or he doesn't care about me he doesn't love me can't understand me all of us put something in the gap it starts in your mind it eventually comes out your mouth and just because it hasn't come out your mouth yet it's just a matter of time where does your mind go now again some of you but you don't know my husband and let me tell you about my husband and he has and he has look I understand I understand and I know and I know and I know and I heard the stories like I said I could tell you worse than yours I'm not talking about your husband today I'm talking about you you have a choice regardless I'm not excusing his behaviors what I'm trying to say and I'm not saying he's off the hook but what I'm saying is what are you putting in that gap and maybe maybe all of us need to look at ourselves and I'm gonna challenge you here and I'm gonna say this and I might hide after I say this I'm gonna challenge you to see what your part in his behavior is and you may say no he is and he does and he does but listen to me carefully I'm gonna say this one then I'm like I'm a duck I'm gonna say it then I'm gonna duck I will make the case that the people who have the best marriages speak specifically the leaves that the ladies who have the best marriages are not the ones who have the best husbands but those who believe the best about their husbands the ladies who experience the most satisfaction in marriage are not those who have the best husbands but those who believe the best about their husbands you say if I was married to so-and-so I'd be okay and I say to you your behavior you in your mind you think his behavior leads to my assumption about him my belief about him and I want to say maybe your belief about him leads to his behavior maybe there's a nice book called the one thing you need to know anyone ever heard of this book it's not a marriage but not a relationship book it's a book about like leadership and stuff like that has nothing to do with anything about marriage but they use a marriage example in the very beginning which I thought was very very relevant the whole premise of the book the one thing you need to know basically breaks it down and says in every area of life in every area of life there's one most important thing like if you can figure out like you're an engineer or you're an architect or you want to make it in sales or you want to be an athlete or you want to be grow your church like whatever it may be there's one thing you need to know if you just get this one thing right and for every area it's a different thing so what is your one thing you need to know in whatever area that's the whole premise of the book he uses an illustration based on marriage he does a study of what makes marriage successful and they talk to like you know 100 couples you know they they weed it down from like a thousand couples these are the ones who have the highest level of satisfaction these hundred couples who are all been married like 10 plus years whatever it may be I don't really care about the details of it but he gets a group of people who have been determined these people have happy marriages and he wants to see in them what's the least common denominator what's the one thing that you need to make a happy marriage like if there's one thing that you can distill it down to what is that one thing they assumed they knew the answer what they did is which is something that we often do is they looked at what makes people unhappy in marriage and they assume the opposite would be true so what they discovered is and those who have the least satisfying marriage those people would say that they understand their their spouse so husband's would say that my wife doesn't know anything about me and the wife would say my husband doesn't understand me what I value then understand what I'm strong at what I'm weak at that the couples who understood each other the least were the ones who had the worst marriages they just they don't understand each other don't see each other correctly they had the worst marriages so the assumption was that those who saw each other the most realistically and had the most accurate view of their spouse those would be the ones who had the good marriages makes sense right like logic you know they discovered the exact opposite and in his research says the exact says this quote he says the results were so deeply counterintuitive that initially most will have difficulty absorbing what they realized is this the successful couples were not those who had realistic views of one another but who had actually unrealistic views of one another what they did is they gave each person to test so they gave all the men a test how good are you at like compassion how patients are you how affectionate are you how kind are you like whatever rate yourself on all these and then they gave the same to the wives rate your husband and they didn't both husband wife wife husband rage your husband and the couples who are the happiest were not the ones who matched answers the ones who were the happiest were where the wives and again the husband's to burn I'm just focusing on the wives had the most unrealistic view of their husband where the husband gave himself a four on patience and the wife gave him a five and the husband gave himself up three on kindness and the wife gave him afford and the husband gave himself you know a tube on compassion wife gave him know a six or whatever it may be what their conclusion was is that love is a little bit blind and love doesn't see each other in a realistic way but true happy love is the people who see each other better than they actually are you don't believe me get you some quotes here because I know you think I'm making this stuff up says this and the happiest couples the wife rated the husband more positively than heated on every single quality and that's hard to do because we men we rate ourselves pretty high on stuff but the wife rated her husband higher than he did himself for some reason the wife in a highly rewarding relationship consistently credited her husband with qualities that he didn't think he had as impressive next quote and so over time my positive illusions talking about himself like someone who's gonna have a happy marriage my positive illusions create an upward spiral of love my illusions give me conviction my conviction leads to security my security fosters intimacy and my intimacy reinforces love he just used the word illusion that the people were happiest in marriage again specifically wipe to the husband have an illusion about their husband then he's something that he's not they say wait a minute that's crazy how could there be that that is what we're supposed to do how could it be that we're supposed to think unrealistic things well maybe just maybe you've heard of the whole confirmation bias thing that what you believe you can usually find evidence to proof and maybe the wives who believe the best about their husband looked for evidence to validate it and not only that encouraged it and appreciated it so that it kept on becoming something that that they kept on continue to do you say hey wait a minute this is crazy you want me to think about my slob of a husband and tell me that he's hard-working about my inconsiderate and tell me that he's Mother Teresa all of a sudden that's what you want me to do yes and I'll tell you what you already have done it you already did it remember when you were dating remember when you were engaged and your mother told you he's kinda yeah you're like no he's just that's his way so you know he's not the nicest most sociable no he's just you know he's just you know he's focused he's focused is what he is and your sister he kind of ugly you said nobody's got them you already did it ladies that's how we got chick okay we gave you an illusion of where and you already did it and during that time nobody nobody could say nothing about your man and you'd let anybody talk and talk I talk but your man you didn't see no wrong in your man says this third quote putting these conclusions together this controlling insight can serve as the one thing you need to know about happy marriage the one thing okay in marriage I love the way he says this ladies you don't write this one down find the most generous explanation for each other's behavior and believe it this for men and women find the most generous explanation for each other's behavior and believe it he's not impatient he's focused he's not rude he's honest he's not bald he just that's his good luck charm it sounds delusional but what it truly is is not delusional like we don't want to go off to you could take this to an extreme that's that's not healthy and like I said that could be abuse I'm not talking about to that extreme but what it is is recasting your husband's weakness because he has weakness you got weakness too it's recasting his weakness in light of his strength and that's something I think we should all do so what do y'all do where y'all go with this thing naturally ladies I'm asking you to challenge yourself don't tell me how dumb your husband is tell me how lazy is don't tell me about his deficiencies don't tell me about all that stuff guys y'all are enjoying today aren't you sitting back and saying yeah well don't forget last week make love a verb okay because that's why we did you first cuz we know you'd be sitting up here on your high little horse put your feet up and say that's right I may be Nidhi but you would father anything you have to believe I'm smart nope you have to make her believe you have to give her a reason to believe by making love a verb and now is what I called you out on last weekend if you missed last week go listen to it and don't you dare say where do your wife about today's message until you listen to last week's the ladies talking to you i'ma challenge you to go deeper where you do with this what do you naturally land on this are you a believe the best kind of a person or you assume the worst maybe your marriage is not in a good place today maybe there's hurt there's rejection there's loneliness there's isolation I'm asking you you looking for positives are you looking for negatives some people this hopefully doesn't apply to the majority but some of us ladies need to hear what I'm about to say some of us not only are we not looking for the positive we're looking for the negative we inside we want her husband to fail we celebrate when our husband we won't say it but that's the see I told you he wouldn't get here on time see I told you he'd be irresponsible again see I'm right see I told you he couldn't he couldn't make the kids dinner and do the dishes and we put him in bed by 8:00 I see I told you we're looking for them to fail and if that's the case we need to seriously take a look in the mirror and evaluate what's going on in the inside because you may be winning the argument but you are losing the relationship and I'm telling you ladies then when you assume the best even if you lose the argument and you think you are losing in the short term I promise you you're winning in the long term why because I won't tell you two secrets about your husband that you don't know one he done nope and the second one he may know but he never admit to secrets about trust the first is this your husband no matter who he is the last thing he wants to do in life is disappoint you you didn't know that digit you didn't know that your husband it tears him up when he thinks he's disappointed you you don't realize it because you don't say it the last thing a man wants to do in any area the last thing a man wants to do is be a failure especially when it comes to his relationship at home and you ladies when you assume the worst when you assume the worst you communicate to your husband that no matter what you do you will never please meet you communicate that really there's no point in even trying because you will always fall short and I'm telling you ladies I'll tell you how men work I'm telling you this for your own sake that we men if we don't think we can win a game we don't play that game if we think we're just gonna lose in the end why do I saved myself a quart I'm not gonna put the quarter in the thing we don't like to do projects we think we're gonna fail so if you're communicating to him that you will never succeed because even when you succeed I think you're gonna fail and I think you're gonna fail on the next one and I think you're gonna let me down it's just a matter of time before that boy checks out and stops playing that game is that your goal well that's what's happening every time you assume the worst but we ladies oh the second secret okay the second sir this one your man don't even know the second secret is this that even though a man's brain is very different from a woman's brain a man's heart is not that much different his heart is actually very similar to yours and your heart like his heart isn't drawn towards criticism it's drawn towards acceptance you see you think your criticism is all in the line of self-improvement you don't mean to push him away you want to help him be a better man but do you realize that your man if he comes home to criticism criticism criticism you know she's a matter of time before he stops coming home he'll come home and body every time but not his heart his body will come his brain may be in the room but his heart is very far away because a man's heart is very sensitive towards criticism extremely sensitive in ways that he doesn't even understand and if all Heath knows is I'm going to this conversation and all is gonna do is criticize me you know what i'ma leave my heart here at work but I'm not gonna risk my heart getting hurt here ladies we can turn this thing around up we can turn this thing around I painted a bad picture of what the negative but I'm telling you the positive is so easy it is so easy you can turn this thing around it doesn't take as much work as you think you get a text I'm running late that's okay no big deal you can tell me about it when you come home you see it state a credit card statement that he bought something that y'all didn't discuss where's your mind go your mind goes to uh irresponsible selfish didn't communicate are you say you know what I'm sure this was something he needed and I'm sure there's a generous explanation for it I'm sure something must have come up that he forgot to tell me where's your mind go does your mind naturally go to the most generous explanation you thinking right now if I do that father Anthony he'll take advantage of me he'll take advantage of me he'll take advantage me well hey remember last week I said the same thing to the guys I said to the guys that you love regardless of the and I said guys but they'll take advantage of us and we said that's okay we're still gonna do our part even if they take advantage of us and I'm telling you now I'm telling you what like I told them last week exact opposites can happen is you don't tell this to your husband okay cuz we don't want him to know that you're smarter than you you buy your belief will guide the trajectory of your husband and if you believe little it's just a matter of time before he fulfills that and if you believe great I'm telling you you will unlock potential in your husband that you didn't think was possible you know I know this is true cuz I'm living proof of it because I have the most supportive appreciative believe in me wife in the world and that's why I want you to stay away from her because I know what my wife sees in me who I am today would not be the same without her and I truly believe that with all my heart that she's the one who believes in me and I do dumb things and she sees me mess up and she is the most I never run away from my wife telling her something that's deep inside I never have to run away thinking that she's gonna criticize me because I know she'll always accept me and that gives me the confidence to go back and back and back again and I know what dumb thing I've done after that ladies that's what I want for you men single guys that's what I want you to find so I don't tell me about that's what I want you to find as a woman who appreciates you and believed in you because I'll make you a million bucks last verse ladies take this one literally Luke 6:31 just as you want men to do to you so you also do to them likewise last week we talked to the the men and said love one another as I have loved you which we said was the highest this is actually the lowest level of love is love as you want to be loved what I want to highlight this specifically because I'm asking you what do you want your husband to put in a gap when you fall short because even you miss purr-fect you fall short every now in it do you want your husband to assume the worst or to believe the best and as you want men to do to you so you also do to them everything you've ever read about marriage all that stuff is good put that on the shelf for a week or two and just do this ladies and see what difference it makes in your marriage put it all on the shelf well go pick up all that stuff and just for one week two weeks as you want men to do to you so you also do to them and I guarantee you you'll see a new husband by the end of the month and stand together for a prayer in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit one God amen Heavenly Father we thank you thank you from the bottom of our heart for all that you've given to us and the way that you accept us and believe in us and call us something that we know we're not worthy of I pray Lord that you'd put inside of us that same ability to believe the best about one another and not assume the worst give us to be like like our minds are always in a positive place in an optimistic place not delusional but believing the best in one another and hopefully drawing that out of one another pray Lord for every marriage that is or that is to come that you Lord work inside them and you'd help them to become the man and woman that you want them to be for one another pray this in the name of your son Jesus Christ the prayers of all of your saints here says we pray thankfully our Father who art in heaven hallowed be thy name thy kingdom come thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us lead us not into temptation but deliver us from the evil one in Christ Jesus our Lord for thine is the kingdom the power and the glory [Music] [Applause]

Channel: STSA Church

Views: 5,771

Rating: 4.8032789 out of 5

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Id: U_GGliTnB6k

Length: 49min 56sec (2996 seconds)

Published: Sun Sep 24 2017