Industry Mall Santa Secrets REVEALED (ft. Amanda Lehan-Canto)

[Music] foreign welcome back to Artisan artists on artists on artists this week on the show Boy do we have a Christmas gift for you Mall Santas the art of being a mall Santa has his Origins all the way back from the early 1900s and all the way to today today's episode we'll be exploring What It Takes the process the approach and the merry merry joy that it takes to be a mall Santa now why is a all Santa considered Hollywood well if you'll notice there's a camera taking those photos let's listen in ho ho ho everybody great to see everybody ho ho ho Jolly Jolly my name is uh Trevor winmore I am well on record as the youngest Mall Santa ever exists I'm 19 years old nice oh my God yeah I know holy Jolly I know I'm really lucky to be in this role I'm really happy to be here it's really exciting opportunity for me and I'm really grateful to talk to you guys because you guys are the pros I'm shaking in my uh boot uh covers Santa boots Santa boots they look like boots but they're they're not boots because they're just plastic I put over my sneaks but I'm really excited to be with you guys congrats on the Guinness Book of World Records by the way thank you so much thank you uh what an accomplishment indeed thank you guys so much for sure thank you hey guys and gals my name is Rip Kirby um I've been a mall Santa for about 15 years now big thing my mother was the first female Mall Santa facts I've got big goals uh I've got a whole bunch of Wicks different types of beards um sometimes they let me go without a beard because I am a woman and uh yeah it's so amazing you're really breaking um the candy cane ceiling for all of us like yeah the fact that you are a woman Santa you're not Mississippi I'm only a mall Santa and I I don't I don't want to play an elf and uh my goal is to get to the Americana and Glendale oh that's a big one working on my reel for that one oh speaking of which that's a perfect introduction to me I am Andrew McCarthy and I am the Santa at the Grove and have been there for the last nine years holy crackers I need to get some advice on that because no one has taken my reel into submission oh I won't do any coffee hangs okay okay no I won't talk to anyone coming up in the business because my time is too valuable okay well hello everyone uh my name is uh Nicholas Christopher oh destined for the job at a young age yes very very uh destined for the job uh I am a 55 year old man and I play Good Old Saint Nick down in Topanga Canyon for the Malibu kids oh oh yes and I uh do a couple other places we go up to Ventura every once in a while and oh fun yeah I don't really have a Santa Claus figure but uh I will attend and I do have one but it is offensive be true well hey everybody my name is Matt lanyard I and I love being a mall Santa because it lets me fly under the radar well we all know how it is sometimes you're running from something and sometimes you need a place to be for a while I will say I've listened to this podcast before and there are a lot of interesting names but for some reason Matt lanyard feels the fakest it was weird to me is that it's because I'm wearing a lanyard today because you're a student in training I have a student that's such a coincidence I my mother gave me that name back when I grew up in Michigan that's weird there's a picture of Michigan right against that wall right over there that's so weird where are you from in Michigan well you probably you haven't heard of it the name of the city is light bulbsville that's so interesting yeah light bulbs my uncle lives there yeah oh oh they do oh good yeah we have a lot to talk about oh my god well so I want to bring something up that I'm really excited to talk about because people honestly only see us as laps and that kind of bothers me oh yeah you know people just use this for our laps you'll get used to it but something that people don't know about Mall Santas is that every year we get drafted by this the different places that want us and we have to go in the big mall Santa draft I I would like to be in the draft so I've been working at the same mall for about 15 years and I've done a lot of submissions and no one's really asked me to move locations well you can be locked in you can be contracted right or you can get in the draft deal or and yeah I was the only one that they wanted for one mall which one it's Westfield and Sherman Oaks does that make sense that makes sense that's not a drafted you know that's a Triple H that's a private sector yeah a dog gets her hair cut at that one what kind of dog do you got a poodle what's your net worth all of us we don't trust you you sound like Rich what kind of gigs you have the voice that makes me wonder what your net worth is oh well do I have a voice of a net worth of a six-figure income sure well actually a hundred thousand dollars like something I could get there I could get there it's a hundred thousand dollars okay wow wow that's big money for Santa's yeah I mean that's not bad oh how do you guys get paid yearly or yeah I think about 20. 20 20K pretty big stuff that's awesome hopeful I got a Christmas bonus every year five thousand dollars wow isn't that incredible that is exceptional so you work at the mall year round and then you get a Christmas boat I'm confused how your sandal works yeah so I work uh January through December as a mall Santa sorry so you take this number off so you're in the city you take December off yeah I get replaced on Christmas but I work the whole year so how often do you work per month let's say every week there's a special Christmas tour in the mall are you like being like an Easter Bunny during spring oh no I'm just a Santa oh you're at the Westfield ceramic they have Christmas year round yeah they have Christmas year round that store that's just Christmas year round yeah and you are the Santa that sits on that seat and you only get paid twenty thousand dollars a year yep good stuff my mom when she was the first Santa got paid ten so I think it's a it's a boost do they consider you a Santa or are you do you consider that you work in retail like are you somebody are you just an employee of the store or are you specifically the same yeah so I'm a I'm a I'm a store employee all the time it's a very small store it's in the middle it's one of those um kiosks you know I was thinking when you first came on it seemed so Progressive that they would have a female Santa yeah but upon rehearing you it seems like the only time they are willing to not have a female Santa is during Christmas time yeah they're not quite ready oh oh yeah it's a bummer what a threat I'm so sorry misogyny sounds hard I don't want to make you open up any wounds but would you mind talking about the challenges you faced because Versace does sound very hard it sounds really hard I'd love to hear and there's two challenges being a female Santa and being a Santa offseason the 11 months that are not the season there's challenging time for us women that I'm strong enough to hold a lot of just that your lap doesn't have enough square footage that they think your balls would great talk about lap size yeah I've got a small lap size um got thick thighs but a small lap size so they're worried about that so that's why I've never made the Christmas cut oh I'm so sorry gotta get sadder and Saturday oh no kids are coming to you off season yep what are they saying they must be so confused they are their parents try to get in the pictures early they just like to sit on my lap and ask me questions what kind of oh that is a fun question what are the questions you're getting oh that's fun oh it changes every year have you gotten any questions yet I've gotten a couple questions by the way you were drafted this year let's just go back yeah I was drafted how many seasons seasons and drafted so I this was my uh third season being drafted um so first I got drafted into the Los Alamos mall and then I was sent so you were 16 then I was 16. I started I started the mall and you've got a full white beard and white oh white beard I got saggy old wrinkly skin say that's genetic or did something happen to you yeah I've gone to the doctors they said nothing's wrong with me this is just how I look and I look like an old decrepit man it's just who I am so I don't have it each day this order it feels good to be able to use what I got you know um uh they used to call me crazy names awful nasty names in school Grandpa um that sounds so awful and nasty it was awful Grandpa Uncle uh Daddy they used to call me stuff like that God it was so hard I wish they called me Daddy they called me old [ __ ] in school yeah yeah cause we all we probably all look like we have the face to become Santa's right I mean you can tell I see babies that are born all the time and I'm like you're about to be a Santa like you look like a Santa be honest a lot of babies already look like Santa's they got the chubby face they got the round thing on the second on a cookie yeah absolutely I will say you do look like 16 year old Benjamin Button oh you have that Vibe and I'm wondering if that maybe is what's happening to you do you feel like you're aging backwards do I feel like I'm Benjamin buttoning um you know recently I got into skateboarding and I wasn't in the skateboarding when I was younger so maybe I'm I'm picking up younger skills all the time so maybe maybe I don't know I would say that I I I like the questions from the kids because I like I feel like I can relate to them they don't know I'm like undercover young guy oh yeah so when they ask me questions what I love is your beard real and I say why don't you tug on it and they tug on it and they do and they do tug on it and some of it comes out I'm jealous of that when they tug on it just comes right off yeah oh yeah yeah because I'm a woman so yeah it's so it's tough when the kids and ask you questions that you don't know the answers to oh and this country yes this country is making it very hard are you from a different country making it hard politically I feel like the children are crying out for answers and it wasn't this way 10 years ago no it again yeah it was just I want a skateboard I want a balloon and then what are they asking now now they're asking when will the war end when yes they're asking what a lot of questions about which war are they talking about oh all of them I agree we must be having the same type of people I just I don't want to talk to kids anymore about if the kid's a democrat or a republican I think we all be on the same side oh it's because the kids are at the Grove and so they're a little wealthier they're from the West Side the least amount of thing I want is a little girl clap clad I'm glad and Brandy Melville sitting on my lap with her bony buckets continue maybe that her father is a lobbyist for the Democratic Party this is the kind of thing I have your voices this sounds really intense that sounds really intense did you train somewhere to become a Santa uh yes I um trained at um a bada British Academy of dramatic arts okay okay now this explains the void the royal Royal no I went to bot cool Barda that's really expensive to get in I didn't have a chance yeah I yeah I'd certainly not so I tried to go to school for a mall Santa my parents said they will not send me to school to make to make this career happen those school programs are still developing I do believe in 10 years those those you could get a BFA in mall Santa but not right now no no no it doesn't happen for people like us over here so but thanks have you lived with your parents do I live with my parents yeah yeah I do I do live with my parents it's been really really fun that's nice I love my parents they're my best friends that's so sweet it's very sweet I still live with my mom really yeah she's giving me all of her old stuff this was my mom's back in the 80s wow and this was my mom's back in the 70s it looks like it hasn't moved in years so she she puts it on a cone overnight and it just sits on the shelf and when I take it off it's perfect yeah your hat for the listeners you can't see it at all it hasn't been it doesn't matter don't touch it it's a perfect triangle very pointy at the time yeah I was hoping that it would get me my gig at the Americana but they just won't take my tape let's talk about the first time you put on the suit oh oh wow I love to hear from you Mr Lee yeah Mr lanyard yes of course well I would imagine I had the same experience as a lot of you hmm I went to the store we all know the name of it and I put on the coat and I said wow I I guess I do look like Santa Claus and then I walked into my job that I was hired to do and I sat right down there and then the kids lined up and then we took photos that's all that happened everything was completely just like how your experience went that is exactly how my experience went as well actually but you said it in a way that made me doubtful yeah what whatever do you mean because you forgot the pants I have the boots oh you were wearing pants right I hope you were wearing of course I was I was wearing the normal thing that everyone was wearing the pants okay fine I have a confession to make oh here we go I'm not the real Matt lanyard what what I assumed Matt lanyard's identity because my name is Santa Claus oh [Music] are you serious I ran into please this isn't being recorded right no no I don't think so I think it is I ran into some trouble up there and long story short I need some place to be for a while what was the trouble under the radar oh you know bureaucratic nonsense this administrative [ __ ] up that some people don't exist anymore wait this is the North Pole that you ran from this is the North Pole I ran down there I well sledded down there lost the reindeer in a different in a normal way and now in order to run you seem exhausted in order to run from being Santa you are now playing Santa it's an unbreakable curse I wish there was another way so you're qualified but this is the only thing I can do to maintain with uh to not arouse suspicion Mr former Mr lanyard can you look me in the eyes and tell me you're Santa you really are Santa yes yeah obvious I'm sorry this is are you impressed I am I I I'm a huge fan I also didn't expect you to look like this yeah I'm a little peeved I'm happier here what in what way do you think I look different than Santa Claus well I feel like well you can now take off the white beard and the white wig that you're wearing and show us what you really look like well I I've never done that before I guess I okay here we go oh unbutton this and unlatch there's a white beard under there look yeah well that's what I look like wow it's like you took your chin off and under it with another chin and a beer oh my God I know people do have real beards right do you guys understand that some men actually do have white beards yes I have a real question um that I've been dying to ask are you in Mrs Claus is that are you guys together open yes um no you're open you're Polly yes we are Polly well I don't know if she'll take me back but uh at the time before the incident I we were open we were running around we were on um um oh what's that website oh unicorn eHarmony field hey yeah field but we called it something winter yes it'll come to me were you on Christmas field s it was Christmas feel oh I love when apps have Christmas versions yes it's sort of a play on words because the normal one is field but this one is Christmas feel and all the pictures that you submit are Christmas themed correct well they have to be they kick you off and they label you and your band forever if you if you post anything from the summer or uh some other season yeah it gets you a permanent suspension because that's not what they are looking for polyamorous couples specifically Who deliver presents on Christmas that's why I can't get on there I should really check that out well and it's funny because polyamorous I'm interested in it I love delivering presents a lot of acronyms on Christmas field you got to be careful I've been on there every now and then BDSM stands for bells Deck the Halls Santa and Mary Mary and Mary and Mary not Mary Mary yes and if you're not into that it can be a a shock when you're not expecting it I'm so I'm freaking out that I'm eating Santa Claus I'm sorry I didn't mean to make this all about me look I you know it but I yeah I feel I can I can wipe my brow for the first time in three weeks since I've slipped into the white people and now we get a lovely perspective of the difference between real Santa and a mall Santa exactly well it's blowing my mind a bit that the person I clock in as is you right here it's like Michael Jackson impersonator sitting down with the Michael Jackson after he's faked as death and you know what maybe I can dispel some of the myths uh the the mall Santas are perpetuating because well I would say number one the lap thing I don't do that oh I actually due to the magic that allows me to live forever I physically don't have a lap when I sit down nothing happens nothing's there so where do the kids sit yeah that's the thing they can't but they get bounced off like a force field so when you sit down in front of a lap so I think a lap is a physical part of someone's body what's what's going on between your knee it's a force field I don't know there's something with the immortality you'll have to ask our resident scientist he's very busy up there trying to figure out his name is Candy Cane Dr candy cane and he is tearing his hair out trying to figure out how I exist he has hair you have quite literally rocked this round table sanity so what do you think about a woman's Santa well okay I mean Hey listen sweetie I oh wow oh did that oh oh okay we're good we're good now go sorry I I the weather I uh your Immortal Powers Yeah understood listen I mean sure maybe there's I just think that women and men are pretty different so girls can't do this gig well I'm not saying they can't I'm just saying why would you want to you ever I'm sure you have a husband at home you live with your mom yep and the whole house is filled with Hats Santa hats and Polished boots can I say I think it's a safety issue because what if the younger kids are on your lap and they smell a little milk in the titty what if I don't have milk in the titty because I'm not pregnant but but my God these kids can so quickly switch to breastfeeding and that's why I think because they said latch you think the cancer switches so I hope they wouldn't latch I don't have any areas that are open again my mom didn't leave any areas open for latching I don't you'd be surprised latching could happen did they latch onto you sir no I but I have no milk up there I've had a couple kids latch oh no ho ho ho and it is an awkward conversation but it's all fun as the real Santa Claus I feel like I should clarify this shouldn't happen that there's no basis for this happening that's never been part of my deal well that's interesting this is where we uh you know this is where it differs you know because I've had a couple kids latch or two when I when I when I was drafted to Bakersfield the kids would come mouths open ready to lash because the last Santa oh my God the last Santa promoted latching and so they had to retrain I get used to it no it wasn't a female no it's not a female I would have known I would have jumped on it was it was not it was it was a it was a man and that man actually ended up going on to be uh arrested he had conditioned the whole Community into thinking that's what Santa did and and yeah and they they would write letters into Santa and you maybe got some of these Santa from the kids in Bakersfield saying I want um some teachers I want some tooth gym so that I look good when I'm latching onto you yeah tooth Jam they line up they look like a bunch of baby birds I didn't know what they wanted two gems Little Gems to put on their teeth it's been pooped or peed on by the kiddos multiple times yes me too the poop is the hardest part because then you just have to stop the line and you miss your whole lunch break because you got to clean it up lunch breaks are important I get a 15. oh that's good I go to Auntie Annie's sometimes get a nice sweet little pretzel you get one pretzel for a lunch I only get 15 minutes and this is just a voucher for 10 bucks and just to clarify again this is every month besides the month of December yeah I don't do Christmas every other month though I want to say I think you are a hero I really think you're a hero and I and I think everybody here is being misogynistic to you I agree I I I want to stand up and I want to say I want to Champion a female Santa Claus if you were a woman I would actually I would prefer that you would prefer me to be a woman yeah son what are you what right you're 19 years old I was gifting you presents a mere two years ago and you have the nerve to tell me who shouldn't shouldn't be a woman you know what can I be honest with you Santa don't [ __ ] up your presence no you know what I'm I'm standing up for you I'm here I'm holding a bike listen to me I'm dangling and the bike could easily go to some other [ __ ] kid oh hold on a minute you are my hero and to be a hero for you I'm standing up for my hero okay let me tell you what the reason I wanted to become a Santa not is not because it's the only job I can work I could I could work for a Salvation Army as a Santa I could work I could I could I don't want that gig I could work and sell newspapers I look like a guy who sells new newspapers with this beard in my body anymore okay I'm trying to defend you sorry oh yes but what I will tell you is that I started becoming a Santa because the gifts you started giving me were not good and if I could help with that oh I could fix that I'm sorry I was excited to see you and I'm happy to see you because I'm trying to be you but I actually am trying to be better than you because you're the past and I want to be the future of Santa's yeah wow you're here have you ever thought about doing Santa work at the hospital because you seem like you have a good a good knack for it I'm not interested those Santas are the hardest working I'll say it's them all Santas and then the hospital I just don't like the air in the hospital it makes my nose feel weird yeah also their outfits are just not pristine they barely wash their boots or shine them at the hospital yeah you talk about the nurses do you ever go visit hospitals it's real Santa no you know I it it just now is crossing my mind that that's something I could be doing yes I think it could be a good thing right now [Laughter] no I don't I don't like the way it feels in there yeah it gives me the ick but what you said is their Santa suits are bad I mean what a total message I'm at Alexander McQueen yeah and it's frightening what kind of salary do you have it is I mean Alexander McQueen is a very uh intense designer you've got very studs everywhere big sleeves yeah you work in the Alexander McQueen every once in a while right you'll sit there and oh that's what they have me in in the Alexander McQueen but then the flagship store yes and every once in a while we'll do a Barnes Noble day where my Santa hat says go read and we'll do a promo with Barnes Noble that Hat's all leather correct and you have a leather Cape usually oh yes the McQueen you'd ever want to throw it my way just for maybe one of my submission tapes let me know sure okay great my God yeah great can I ask you guys something uh why do you want to do this you know what what is the thing that drives you to to imitate me instead of being yourselves what is it you think that about me that that would make you want to do this well I'll start I am utterly confused I was not ready for this I um I was expecting yeah this feels like some viral video like when Adele sang for all the Adele impersonators I'm sitting next to the real Santa Claus the first woman Santa Claus the youngest 19 year old Santa Claus the richest Santa Claus and then me I'm just your regular old Santa Claus and I'm also in the Devil's Angels that's all I do you know the biker game the biker Hell's Angels Hell's Angels the devil we go we've changed it to the Devil's Angels oh you did see that's something hell was too generic we thought it was being co-opted so we took it are you guys vaccinated yes yes yes of course Santa for what fantastic oh did you miss that you missed the hole and why what what did I did I miss something what Santa you I got Polio I got the polio vaccine what year is it in the North side are you got polio and then you got the polio vaccine or you just got the vaccine what then you go I went oh no I have polio so I went down to the States and I gotta pulley can I ask you something did Balto the dog deliver that to you up in the North Pole who the [ __ ] is that oh my God it's all a mess you really need to get vaccinated you are actually legitimately the textbook definition of a super spreader if you've got polio not too long ago I'm really worried about this meeting what am I spreading you guys are all listen I don't know what's going on down here a lot of the time I can only more presents you want or what letters you send me I'm not watching your everyday lives you can see into our brains what presents we want yeah so much paper you should be taken care of by the state's best doctors you quite literally bring anything to anyone from anywhere he doesn't like hospitals and I don't blame them yeah well yeah so I'm not picking up any germs from the hospital I'm I'm visiting largely people who are not sick enough to be in a hospital okay God anyway I'll say why I thought I I do this I do this job because that was your question right Santa why we do this why do this [Music] um oh you were gonna answer but you don't have an answer well I'll answer I'll answer it uh I do this as a great way to give back to kids and the community I have come from a really rough background I've been in bad situations before and I find that the innocence is something that we need to protect and so I'm oh so happy are you gunning for my job buddy what no you've got some [ __ ] nerve okay no talking about the innocence of children that's my deal oh God you asked the question you don't know who the [ __ ] I know I guess I don't know you don't know who the [ __ ] I know girl Santa what are you doing I am a woman yes this she has a name woman and I have a name what is your name Rip Kirby okay okay lady Santa why do you do this oh my God I do this to to encourage other women to start taking roles that we were born to do like Santa mailmen construction workers and God anyways are you trying to usurp guy well actually that's interesting I do I also have got something to admit I'm sure you also do this in the off season when I'm not playing Santa I will you know sometimes Moonlight as God I will play God in malls in different places I work in the off season yeah you're so you're during December so when it's December I go to all the nativity sets and I replace the plastic ones sometimes and I stand there as God just a couple times to get a little um to feel like what it's like and and and I've never seen God embodyed in a nativity scene with the Stars in Sherman Oaks a lot are you talking about the baby Jesus himself um no I was talking about the guy who's in the back the guy in the back of the nativity scenes waving there's a whole nativity scene this is hilarious you guys haven't seen it there's a whole nativity scene and then like a couple yards away there's always a man in the back and he has to have a movable arm and that's God yeah you know that actually does check out that was what the original uh thank you Santa the birth of Jesus look like were you there well yeah I was there he was he had Polio I just did I just yes that doesn't lead to that yeah it does yeah so in the year I [Music] think yes polio was running rampant polio was running rampant you read that Mesopotamia Mesopotamia that's where this happens okay we are very confused about what happened around that time yeah but continue with your story anyway the year is zero A.D the year is zero after the death of Christ okay and you know I stopped where was he born in the Mesopotamian region yeah no continue look incredible hummus over there anyway I was oh my God oh my God I'm talking about Damia all right I feel like I've said something offensive look I can't get over the fact that we're here with the real Santa and he's this he's talking about Mesopotamia not spreading holiday cheeries spreading polio okay so I want to hear about what you saw Jesus okay and I that was like sort of [Music] a heard of a baby being born you go well okay I'd like to see that so I did go over to the manger and I was kind of just hanging out in the back I didn't get in any of the photos which is why you don't see me in a lot of the lore oh that makes sense but right as this baby was born I was sort of hit with this awesome idea for a holiday and I was like okay I think I I think there's something here I have a kernel of an idea so I um I went to the North Pole and I started working on it I started sketching out ideas for the holiday wow um before it was called uh tree tree night and uh there were a lot of names that were thrown out that didn't work there were tree tree night uh prison day um uh present day yeah that's very confusing that would be present day that's fine because it's like is it present day or present day like gift like last year's present day yeah so you're yeah that's very interesting this is very interesting to know the birth of Jesus Christ gave you the idea for Christmas it did so you weren't in the North Pole or Santa Claus before that yeah no I I I well I was named Santa Claus um oh that a classic name for that region you know Santa I I actually came up with a holiday at my school we did um Hawaiian shirt um Fridays at my high school and I came up with that uh every April we'd wear a Hawaiian shirt on the third Friday oh that's cute that's very similar so I feel like you know I love I love making holidays too yeah yeah well I mean I mean keep at it that sounds like something thanks so much it sounds like it could be something good thanks guys so you want to do that holiday every month you want to make it a monthly holiday in the states uh yeah I I guess that would be awesome if people are interested in it go to um Hawaiian shirt friday.net slash contact and you can email me if you're interested a whiz on the website I am yeah yeah it's easy to make a website nowadays love you to help me with my real yeah what do you have in your reel so far um it's just me walking down a hill okay no this is good it's awesome it's also very important for Santa it's also me I have this little patch of fake snow in the back of my mom's house and I walk down it and then I slip and go ho ho ho ho ho and then she throws a kid at me and I hold it that's a quick that's a quick edit um who's the kid um it's uh our neighbor friend being thrown around don't want that kid to latch oh yeah I forgot about the latching so what did you do for your monologue um I did something from 13 going on 30. oh classic place I love that movie and well just because what was the model um it was you know that part um yeah oh wow I'm becoming someone new someone I didn't expect my body's changing and so is my heart I'm mature and I'm an adult and I still have a crush on a lot of boys let's dance I did this exactly I think this one's better actually oh my God I I got notes from my mom and said she said it was fabulous okay I'd never give tips to people okay because I am exhausted and don't have time but I'm going to give you a tip right now if you're going to go in front of the Grove casting office or the Americana yeah you cannot do that monologue okay uh can I interrupt for a moment oh yes Santa maybe you can't do that monologue for the Grove or the Americana but you can sure as hell do it for me that sounds weird because I wouldn't do that and around just us know what I'm trying to say is I think you've changed my mind on female Santas wow yes I knew 13 Going on 30 was going to work out that's my favorite movie I was and she's Pretty in Pink and then I thought no yeah yeah no you you really got something I would be happy to put your name in at any mall in America let me tell you that no you know what kind of in the I could do the Americana yeah oh she's coming for my job Rick Caruso is a good friend no call him up I believe that I will say I think though if somebody received that letter it would be seem like fake it would seem like hire this person love Santa Claus feels like you wrote it that's all I'm gonna say that's all I'm going to say so yeah so I don't know but you think a letter of recommendation from Santa's gonna do what did it take you to get there that sounds like you're near retirement oh okay I I do how we all wasted it back in the day I slept my way to the top I wish I knew who I could have slept with I would have loved to get to the top it's not like that anymore honey they want to see you walk downhill so good thing you have that in your room it is it's the beginning shot and the end shot yet again I am absolutely flabbergasted I this is not the uh Roundtable conversation I expected to show up for but I am learning a lot can I ask what do you do 11 months out of the year we run a meth or a train basically from New Mexico all the way up to Northern Canada okay and kid what do you know what what are you in months out of the year uh I uh well I'm trying to get Hawaiian shirt Friday going it takes up a lot of time taking up a lot of my time and then I also uh when it's not Santa Claus season I work at a Marshalls doing what uh just folding clothes and uh closing up and opening up in the mornings um I have to clean up sometimes if somebody knocks over one of the jugs of juices we sell um oh expensive juice is old yeah they all feel very expired to me the juice jokes here's a little tip don't get the juice jugs okay at Marshalls at the clothing store Marshalls what a good tip what about the body lotion sometimes it's already hardened when I open it that's actually that means it's working oh good so the harder the lotion the newer it is and then the the softer it is the older it is and Marshall this is a marshall secret oh I've been doing it I love if I could do Marshalls full time I could but I'm freelance there right now so they need to take a month off every every freelance oh so that they don't have to pay you health insurance so you're not getting health insurance either no I'm not I don't need it I'm on my mom and dad's oh oh I keep on forgetting you're 19. I'm 19. but I do need health insurance to be clear I have a lot of problems what's going on okay uh I just get I sunburned so easily it turns into a really really hard burn oh my God that is awful that sounds terrible hey we'll help you with that you should get some SPF at Marshalls and maybe some aloe vera these so years ago the government wants us to use that and I won't use that years ago they accidentally switched the sunscreen and um mayonnaise at the factory and they never fix it at Marshall's wait where's the Factory The Factory it's in Senegal oh yeah I would love to check that out wow you know kind of what you do year round and uh so and you're off here you're pretending to be God is there anything else that you do well I hang out with my mom um we hang out we cook uh different dishes every week I take a turn she takes a turn sometimes I enjoy a casserole sometimes she does a minestrone soup it's freaking me out how well adjusted you are I don't I don't know anyone like this anymore well I was homeschooled and my mom was a single mom and I never really left the house that much except for hanging out with the neighbor kid who's in my reel um and then um yeah I started baking bread which has been really fun and my mom's my best friend and she's kind of the only person that I talk to this is the most so social activity I've had in a really long time besides the kids you're doing great rip thank you so much I feel like this sit down really did a lot for each one of us well yeah we gotta meet real Santa Claus yes and well what do you do year-round yeah when you're not being Santa oh I take baths and I count time yes count to what what do you count two and where do you count I love to count I love to count what's the biggest what's the biggest number you ever got up to oh the biggest one fifty two thousand two thousand and how long did that take you to get up to oh it was a big Monday I know how you got to 152 000 because that's not a real number it was because I gave you that faulty Abacus 40 years ago oh and it changed my life Santa can I ask what you're doing year round uh because I know December 25th is definitely your day but what do you what does Old Saint Nick get up to oh Island I love that show it's fun oh that's fun that's good for you and uh to be frank um occasionally killing the elves for sport which is kind of why I'm here the North Pole cops are after me they're after me hard and they're after me for real this you know I've been wanting to ask you about that sparkly candy cane ankle bracelet you have on yes well each charm it's like a Pandora bracelet each charm is for an L 500. why did you hunt the elves did they do something naughty well sometimes people do things for no reason at all sometimes sometimes you don't know why you've done something you just wake up in the morning and you've done it yeah and you can't and you have to live with yourself forever guys I have a confession okay I can feel it what's a confession there's no Hawaiian shirt Friday website I lied about that I know son what why would you ever lie about something like that you made a website I wanted to impress Santa I've been going back and forth between liking him and wanting to stand up to him I feel like you're like my dad I want to impress you and I also hate you kind of and I also want to be better than you but I want to be you overall and let me tell you something I can smell that on you yeah so why don't you take a couple years work on yourself okay work on your craft maybe take a break from the mall maybe take a break from trying to be me from trying to fix me you can't fix this don't do that oh I have a confession to make what I didn't work hard for my position yeah my dad is Grove Glennie so that means you can contact him for me the owner of the Grove and that's how I got this job Rick Caruso sold the Grove to grove Grove and that's my father and that's how I have this job I have been trying to email Mr Glenny for years do you think that you could forward sure it's time I finally use my nepotism for some good which is to help me two three oh okay okay this has been artists on Artisan artists and artists answer the question now that's why we call it Showbiz good night [Music] foreign [Music]

Channel: Artists on Artists on Artists on Artists Podcast

Views: 18,656

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Id: tyqeqcJ4ncY

Length: 47min 47sec (2867 seconds)

Published: Fri Dec 23 2022