Imran Hussein - When I was an atheist... - ReRooted 14

as-salam-o-alaikum this is not Musa he's just completed his [ __ ] nice to them Allah accept it I'm Hamza do this this is Aman who's saying you're watching rebooted and this is what's coming up next right away spam do you know everyone gets Musa and I get you for those 3 or 4 hours in the evening I would just be happy I'll be relieved that the relief of not experiencing those thoughts which is amazing for you to drink alone yeah I would I was on a social drinker but for me I got to the point which is dangerous which I would look forward to the Eevee to just drink and get away from these thoughts infinity and I'm just calling out to something out the window you know obviously not literally at the window but beyond that and and and I'm just asking I'm saying why me and I'm really angry you know and I'm asking to show me the way obviously I'm influenced normally exactly what was saying and then the amazing thing is bros wanna you know I still remember within a couple of days of that when things started to happen in my life where it's like a domino effect things like to fall in place there was a period in there resolved away and just to clarify that oh you born Muslim and therefore you inclined towards Islam no it is a period where I would go outside at night when no one be around like 10 11 o'clock at night and I would go outside churches and I'll go outside certain other religious buildings you know just it's just cool after God say look I need a solution you know what's my solution how do I fix this [Music] come on you sing so very good bro how're you good to see you likewise so I want to basically bring the real Imran on to the table not that people don't know the room Ronnie they do know them they wrote in Ron but the amount that I know right so I think just to try and make this as conversation as possible I want to ask you a question okay so think of this scenario okay you have one day to live okay you know it's your last day and you have to be in a room with one person in your life that's living who is that person would you talk about oh that's a bit of a heavy question to start with isn't it yeah one person one day full day yeah okay why not can this might be one of those questions just think about and come back to it near the end of the show hopefully I'm sure you have someone in your mind yeah I've got a few a few people in mind so I'm just trying to trying to see who it would be and thinking to myself it'll probably one of the places that it may be maybe my wife okay yeah Humala how would you say to your wife I will probably just speak to let her know how I feel I have a thought you for them at that time so you're in that moment yeah you know you go one day to leave you're speaking to your wife we're gonna say to your wife bro I would tell her how much I appreciate her first and foremost and then following that one thing I would want to spend some time doing would be put some Oh Garrett wonder stand some of the things I want to leave behind and for her to facilitate those for me if she could at some point that would probably be a lot of the time that I spend with her doing that was the time that I'd have with her so what you only behind bro there's lots of things I have thought about right just something that would continue after I'm gone you know something that I could benefit from afterwards is all and those things that you could be a bit more sure that there's a bit more sincerity behind those than the things you do in your life as you're living your life itself may be something written there's a few things that I I saw have envisioned me doing over the next inshallah if Allah gives us give me gives me the life maybe if I have another say 30 years 40 years whatever it may be inshallah more than that but I do want to write stuff and I know saying this and I'm thinking in the back of my head being dyslexic struggling with writing and reading it'll be a challenge but I guess the therefore more rewarding - one thing I do want to do is write a book more recently as we've discussed this all off camera in the next year or so in the long term I do want to do some more things or write some more things which I don't really want to mention right now so why do you think why do you think writing is important because it continues right so for example a lot of the people that have been inspired by that I've looked up to you know I've not seen videos of them I've not seen audio recordings of them because those things never existed then right I've but I've I've heard from them through the writing you know I've experienced them I've got to know them through the writing which is really powerful from that perspective and also even though it's it today although videos up you can do videos now they don't lost even on youtubes you don't lost after a couple of years that the quality degrades and before you know it's lost somewhere in the recesses of YouTube but writing it's day it's like a book books battery doesn't die it doesn't die and it's it's cows start to get popular again you know surprisingly although you have so many different mediums writing still you know it's there and to be honest those people for example that write against Islam they're writing mmm you know they do videos obviously but they're writing more than they do videos but the balance when it comes to Muslims it doesn't seem to be there you know we don't have as much things written as we do spoken if you like sure compared to them and their writing and if their writing they know the rank for a reason and this benefit so you tell your wife that you want to write a book and you want it to continue yeah so what's this book about bro so this initial book one of the books that I do want to work on in the next year or so inshallah is a book through which I share my experiences things I've gone through and how they may relate to people that may call themselves atheist today may call themselves agnostic may call themselves unbelief whoever whatever they whatever label they may want to give themselves but whoever is living the life in the absence of God to speak to those people and to sort of relate to them and to maybe share some things which I have been able to figure out and work out which they may not be may not have worked out until now okay so let's summarize this Joe anything yeah take me to the start of your book what do you think it's gonna start it'll probably start where basically I feel my personal journey started with Islam or even prior to that which was trying to just win the realization hits you that you're alive and you're going to die okay and you know really early teens bro yeah early teens so let's bring you back so Imran early teens yes you're doing your normal routine if you had a routine say you wake up look at yourself now how did you feel what's going on talk to us this is really deeper here we can really do for outright waste Pamela do you know everyone gets Musa and I get you sorry okay so going back see look one of the things I struggled with in I believe a lot of people struggle with or people that question these things and everyone asked these questions at some point in their life but some people it's which is to do with why am I here you know when you realize you are not immortal that you're more to and you're gonna die yeah that doesn't sit well with human nature because isn't there's a part of us that wants to live on forever you know it's a poverty sure what we call the fit that I would say even to an extent and when you realize you're gonna die that hits you like a ton of bricks when the first time that occurs to you and some people are good at brushing your way some people aren't so good at doing that I couldn't brush it away you know I just I just it just I was fixated on it and I couldn't stop thinking about it and as soon as you realize you're gonna die then you naturally realize okay you know you go through the thinking process of thinking okay well why am I here if I'm gonna leave if I have this period of time then why do I have this period of time what's it all about where am I going you know so in that process how are you feeling so he hits you for the first and it hits you you realize that you're gonna face a personal apocalypse will you do it as soon as it does and then what happens you getting anxious you get depressed you know you some people may feel suicidal but so you're saying to me you were depressed and anxious yeah I went through several years of my life struggling with anxiety with depression it was an existential type I'm not saying that all anxieties and depressions are related to this type of stuff know many people have it you know there could be medical reasons x y&z but for me personally it was to do with these existential questions Who am I why am I here if I'm gonna die what's it all about so how do you deal with it you don't know how to deal with initially you freaked out you panic and when you get into that panic State that panic state releases more adrenaline you know and and that causes more panic and more anxiety and it becomes this vicious circle of panic and anxiety which you can't escape from and to the point where eventually after you know a day or two of going through this period and then you get exhausted to the point you can't even sit up anymore you just fall asleep there'll be periods of everything to me yeah they'll be periods of time I'll be at school high school I was saying it's science class and I still remember saying like some way at the back of the science class the teachers talking and I can't keep myself awake cuz I'm exhausted physically from just thinking you know you exhaust some physical activity yeah I was overweight I didn't I knew nothing about physical activity bro I'll just sit there here my food watch you know go online watch some videos read maybe now and then and that was that would be my activity you'd only exhausted by those things but I was exhausted by just thinking a lot surely there was a way of trying to cope with that how did you get what did you go to to basically try and cope with that human instinct is I want to find a solution okay you know and I want to look for a way out so you know initially this is a panic stage and you don't know to do but then you realize okay I'm not dead it's not killing me but I don't want to live with this so I need to figure this out so obviously I went through so a period of several years were lost rawness of look at options alternatives things to get rid of this right I had an inclination that medicine was not gonna do the trick but I couldn't help a resort to a point or try a point because I was just getting exhausted I couldn't find a way tried the medication the antidepressant since but they didn't really work so I came off them after a very short period of time I didn't stay on them so I carried on looking so I I tried many different things and haven't used to try to figure things out such as whoa there's a whole spectrum so I went down the rule of trying certain substances me and maybe this will benefit someone so I mention it I you know tried alcohol at a point for me that was a dangerous because it worked well for me right so I wasn't a social returning by well meaning whenever I would be under the influence and I'm sure many people experience this you've you lose you lose the sort of notion of anxiety and sort of deep thinking it's all about the moment you're in the present you're relaxed you're happy and it gets rid of that those thoughts and feelings for a while so it's a patch and I'll just use that and I'll just you know for those three or four hours in the evening I would just be happy you know I'll be relieved that the relief of not experiencing those thoughts which is amazing for you drink alone yeah I would I was on a social drinker for me I got to the point which is dangerous which I would look forward to the evening to just drink and get away from these thoughts and feelings but you know at the end of the night when that starts wearing off and those that thought that first thought hits it creeps through and hits you again and you know that feeling you get then of like oh my god I've tried another thing and it's not worked that's even more dangerous because what happens is when you go through something you have a list of options possible solutions you can have to resolve there but as you start working through those solutions they don't work eventually that list of solutions gets smaller and smaller and smaller and that makes you more and more anxious because you realized okay I'm gonna get to the point where I'm gonna have nothing left to try and then I'm gonna be in trouble so that so crutch so Hannah's gonna go for the kind of well I keep taking through things drinking on you was a temporary solution it wasn't helping right but it was nevertheless helping so I continued that for a while through my teenage years most people didn't know right then I also tried some like drugs which would cool you know there was nothing serious nothing to but that never worked for me it just made me more anxious so I just stayed away from that socializing you know I sort of way I was overweight as a child lost a lot away got involved in the social circles partying all of this type of stuff that didn't help right because eventually the feelings and thoughts hit me and they hit me harder than ever before hmm and they were coming with waves sometimes months will go by sometimes weeks will go by sometimes days will go by and it'll come back you know come back he'll come back and it's almost like getting punched in the face over over again you can only take so much all right and eventually I got to the point I think it was in my early 20s very maybe 20 21 we're 22 something like that where I got to the point with all of those possible crutches and solutions run out and then I was like I don't know what to do now from a material perspective worldly perspective there's nothing left that can help you know and then I think it would all go from here you know what we talked about in our courses or triggering the fit through that that made the nature inside the human being I got to the point where something inside me just screamed out and told me that your solutions not going to be in the physical world your solution is what we call metaphysical beyond the physical right and just to give a bit of my background well because you know happens rules whenever I make videos on existential things online eighties getting really cheesed off from the perspective why are you talking about it why don't you ask atheist why don't you ask how we feel and I do I have spoken to a theist about this but the reason I speak about their yeah I was there I lived it you know I okay you may not categorize me as the typical atheist which says oh I've hatred towards God and I don't like God and I don't believe in God and I'm a naturalist no I I was indifferent to the question of God of the idea of God god it's like Lenny atheist to be honest yeah indifferent yeah I live my life I'm here it's the physical world I'm doing my thing and that's it but at that point when I got to pour around of options like okay I just knew inside that the solution was beyond that bridge of material then he tried counseling at some point yeah along the way I didn't know because people just didn't get the questions they would ask and the things you said I just realized okay these guys don't know long through they can't help me and and I was like that I don't like wasting time if I know the solution is not gonna work and I'm sure I'm gonna move on always time there it could be a problem as well cause some people you don't give things to enough time to let them you know as actually wrote one of the problems I experienced with reading his off I don't get something in the book and I don't like it I will just leave and move on but anyway but but that that was well now you're moving to the metaphysical spurt recessions what's your journey now well I remember one night night distinctly I'm sitting in my room and I'm under the influence of alcohol right and I'm same day and I'm looking at the window and I'm thinking I'm not even thinking at that point and you know I'm just I just look at the window and I just scream out and I say look if you're there why the hell am I going through this really why in the why in the world are you putting me through this I don't know who I'm speaking to right all I know is my family's you know from Pakistan they Muslim don't know what that means right we fast they force Muslims fast in Ramadan and presume on Fridays she can get away with it you can get away with it you don't go that's what I know and I'm just calling out to something out the window you know obviously not literally at the window but beyond that and and and I'm just asking I'm saying why me and I'm really angry you know and I'm asking to show me the way right obviously how many the influence the Norma be exactly what I was saying and then the amazing thing is branagh you know I still remember within a couple of days of that event things start to happen in my life where it's like a domino effect things like to fall in place there was a period in the resort aware and just to Clark some people mother oh you were born Muslim and therefore you inclined towards Islam no this is a period where I would go outside at night when no one be around like 10 11 o'clock at night and I would go outside churches and I'll go outside certain other religious buildings you know just it's just call out to God say look I need a solution what do I do where do I go from here you know what's my solution how do I fix this and then eventually you know I started to look into religion and one thing after another and and I I got to the point where one day I was sitting down I was picked up a copy of the Quran and I was reading yeah I think he was a use of Ali translation to remember exactly and it was in the tafseer in the commentary of I think it was sort of dumbness if i don't i'm not mistaken it was in the commentary of that way there was a statement that was made there that just like at the darkest point of night the first rays of light break through like at the most darkest point the first rays of light comes through and they break that darkness they tear through that darkness in the same way in the most darkest point of a human's life you know the the light of guidance Allah Allah breaks that through at that point you know and that just hit me like a ton of bricks like that that statement why I just broke down because I was I was living that that was me I was seeing myself there because I was at the point where the darkest point all of my possible solutions of Rennell all of the things that could resolve this I've run out there is nothing left and then you know that statement that hits me and that and that statement reading that is almost like something opened up inside me and I just like crying I broke down at that point I literally broke down and at that moment I knew that this was the truth you know this book that was reading this Quran was the truth from Allah from God it says if you didn't read the Quran the Quran was reading it yeah literally so then what happens then basically you know I knew this was the truth more than I knew that I existed right more so then I could see myself in the mirror and I exist I knew this was the truth so a few things happen at that period number one the the the feelings of depression anxiety didn't disappear they were still there but I thought I found something which was gonna get me through secondly I remember experiencing this feeling at that time that you've been blessed with the truth you need to share this with others because there are loads of other people out there that going through exactly what you've gone through okay before you get into it so you cry the Quran engages with you yeah you get that awakening you know it's the truth now you want to talk about right I want to talk I want to share this truth with other people but I want to know how did that fix you or did you did you get fixed straightaway did your anxiety and panic did it diminish straight away as a result of engaging with the Quran wow that I want to know the period of from engaging with the Quran then you're the remove removal of your panic and anxiety what was happening there so I'm learning I'm trying to learn as much as I can right so there's this two things going on inside me right now there's an element which is found this type of peace and tranquility I can't explain yeah the the piece of the puzzle there was almost like you know when you're making a puzzle and this is one last piece or two pieces definitely fit them in and that's satisfaction you get that it's fits it's a perfect fit get it straight yeah for the listeners so you've got panic and anxiety for years yeah you try still have a hole and drive these things yeah you still have panic and anxiety then you engage with the Quran then you'd mmediately know it's the truth yeah does your panic and anxiety diminish at that point well I mean I I know it when I eat cooking encounters that part of the Quran so I'm reading it I'm feeling okay there's something here because I continue to get it but then at one point something hits me and it just opens me up right like nothing else I mean basically your life change for that moment changed but the panic and anxiety still there okay right so that's a degree or two to a lesser degree because now there's this other element of me which has found something which which has found the truth right I know it's the truth it's very hard to explain it because we grow up in a world bro in an environment which teaches us to think that seeing is believing you know if you cannot rationally justify something it's not true if you cannot empirically justify something it's not true but here's I'm experiencing something here now which is just blowing my mind is all that I know this is the truth more so than looking myself in the mirror and knowing that I am real and I exist but I cannot at this point at least I haven't rationally justified it I haven't gone through the arguments for the miracles of the Quran all these things though that came much later so that's an amazing profound thing that's happened and that for me has highlighted to me that they've too few things number one that the human being is more than just the physical right because it was poison my life Broadwalk surpass the butchers and I'll look into the butchers into the window and he'll be pieces of meat hanging and I would look at that and his morbid thought would strike me that what's the difference between me and that piece of meat that's hanging in the window that's flesh and bone I'm flesh and bone what's the difference sister different really yeah literally there's no difference you skin me it's the same thing just in a different form right and that will be the decision just leave me and so painful feeling inside you can't explain but now I've realized that there's something beyond this physical me that's experienced something so it sounds like your anxiety changed to a type of anxiety that you wanted to know more about the truths you found and you wanted to share it no no no so that was another element of me all right but now the anxiety still did and I remember clearly - you know today there was one moment where I knew okay so I have to praise him now that was time to practice Islam I need to pray I never prayed in my life as far as I remember yeah maybe in the old occasion I read the Quran on as a child but I never obviously typical Pakistani family system right you go to the madrasah you read the Quran and that's it so I remember sty praying and there was one day I fell in prostration that's probably the most sincere prostration I've probably made ever right and I pray that can make more of those but I fell into prostration and I asked Allah ask God I said look please take this anxiety and depression away from me only you can take this away from me and I was sure of that because nothing else could I couldn't and I knew it was only a lot that could take that away from me and and not just saying it or knowing you as a theoretical statement but actually knowing get hit by believing it that okay Allah is the only one that can take this away and I'm sure of that and as soon as I pick my head up I have that frustration bro llahi Allah is my witness that anxiety and depression disappeared it disappeared like it never existed it just went away completely and and that talked about a miracle right and and it's not me and what I want people to know is this whether you're an atheist agnostic whoever you are God will give every single human being a set of signs in their own life you just need to switch on your internal radar to pick them up right Wow yeah and and when you do that you will pick them up you will see them right and goes give you the ability to see them and to process them yeah and if you don't process it right with whatever reason then you're responsible obviously because of what you've done so IIIi and Audi was one of 70 and it affected me but I changed me and I think about a person in that state to then say oh no well hold on a sec I'm not gonna believe until I am Rashmi convinced or empirically committed that's just being stupid yeah you're actually acting like an animal in that regarding because only animals are convinced when they see something and then they act yeah we've been blessed with something a bit more more than that so use those faculties and tonight that would have been a crime they're harmless so you castrated it disappeared instantaneously immediately Allah now this new Imran who is he what does he do oh I at that moment like I said I had the realization before by that moment I was convinced okay now this is yes I was taking this away from me but I've also realized that he's put me on this earth for a reason and all of us for a reason so if I now sit on this and don't share this with anyone then I am gonna be blameworthy right so I was it was that that so it was it was almost a sense of a burden that was on me that I had to share this with others you know so and then that's what I started to do and I slide to share whatever I knew little I knew at the time carry on carry on with the journey talk so III started to give that I remember and against the science continued I was working finally after finishing I finished University at this point looking for a job I want to get a job in the field I've studied a disaster day design engineering at a university and nothing's coming through is the time the research just out of the recession and I'm just sitting there being frustrated been a year and then I get a job I in the field you know I and and and exactly the job that I was looking for now I'm working in that environment now you can see you start practicing and you go into an environment with this alcohol and this thing and I don't have to read navigate myself cuz I'm I'm new into Islam and I didn't want to be there and I'm trying to make that decision should I leave or should I know I've been looking for this job for so long finally it's here you know I'll give you tests you know the tea just because you believe as Allah says you think that we're gonna be testing the test start right and then this this is a big test for me what do I do and I remember I go up onto the because we worked in a building with his an open roof go out onto the onto the rooftop for lunch and I was really considering should I hand in my noise and at that moment I get a phone call from someone in IRA I don't remember who it was I'm not sure the Subaru who or someone else maybe and the brother system in the phone I used you know cuz I went to the our training course along this point at some point over the past couple of months and the brother system are you still involved in Dow said yes somewhat I said look you want to join a team and I'm thinking I said okay I said well is there a team around they say yeah the team in West Ealing go and join the brothers you know and for me that was a sign okay I need to leave this and I need to take this direction I didn't know what was gonna do by just okay do this and go and I went chewing the brothers get out for a year in West Ealing is probably the most insane time to be on this rock because it wasn't the time of cameras and YouTube and all of this it was it was a beautiful experience bro you know when you share the message of Islam with people even if people spit at you and they argue with you because we're stealing is is is quite it used to be quite aggressive from the perspective of some of the some of the Christians they're not all of them some of the Christians they were quite I want to say militant but they'll fly aggressive right they were like they'll come to your table start fights with you argue with you shout at you but it was an amazing experience bro you know when you when you when when you realize that Allah is the one that gives you life and then he guides you through life and he gives you everything you have and he doesn't have to do that and and then he gives you an opportunity for you to now earn more reward by sharing that message and bringing other people to the truth that you know you would take because what the companies went through pulled us just taking a few swear words and people shouting down he's absolutely so you're giving Dow for about a year in the dower table in East eating Wesley West even and then what happens next so so how so I'm giving that way everything is HMDA lies it's going whoa and then I get so bored contacts me right he cuz we did the Christmas dowdy and London me and brother near Mottola and we did a Christmas our day and boo contest because he sue me in a video I did a little reminder in the video and he's chasing me and I'm trying to avoid him because I'm just I'm happy doing what I'm doing there and now I'm not blaming supporting me out of that environment a lot a lot decrease everything so he contacts me finally good we'll get in touch he invites me to an event that you were doing and I think he was in Queen Mary University in London where you did the eternal challenge I come there meets uber for the first time I meet you I met you actually before is all bro and you don't remember I met you in the Dow training course in what university was it this University in London and you did a dog training school Kingston Kingston University yeah you came in late you just walked in your throat bouncing around at atho boy you were a good so Brodie yeah Titan I was not nice to you was a nice to you okay let's move on so a question answered it and you were quite happy with the answer and then I followed you out to the car because I started to talk to you but you were busy but you didn't you did speak to me hundra and I remember I remember thinking to myself because you're one of the first guys I watched talking about the whole rational side of Islam and that gave me another element you know I think his panel is Lamas you know so comprehensive that yes he has that spiritual truth and that's sufficient but it also has that rational dimension you know and which was sighs fine this is Islam's timeless hmm and it has what the people of this time need to so I was really I was impressed by the content right off of what you were saying and and I wanted to sort do what you were doing and I remember making the dough inside that I want to do this and I remember fondly the first dog training course I gave guess what university was at Kingston you away the first one I think it really is Li yeah and just the way Allah works fine line and the way plastic so was he call me go in touch came to the eternal challenger event and the me and him got to know each other we got quite close and you know at that point so Bohr is a strategic thinker much alike yeah he's brilliant he had he had he had a vision he wanted to so starting videos online and cuz he knew those things aslam was being attacked and people were saying things about Islam which weren't true and making things up and Muslims were just fighting on YouTube there's you and Adnan but there's nothing else after that yes void so we started to do videos we started with the odium videos odium start to get popular the london down london down movement really picked up and you know we were going to speakers corner putting out videos and all those reading videos and speakers corner that much then as well so we're probably to blame for some of the stuff it comes out from there today but so we started doing that and and at that point I you know another test the trial that happened in which was Fame can get to the best of us bro and I wasn't the best of us he had the time because I was just learning about Islam and now I'm good exposed to this whole social media and people are looking up to you and they're commenting and they're praising you and they're you know thank you something special I think you know more than you actually know and you come across like this at one because it's a magical video right you seem like something bigger than you are yeah and that's like to get to me over time I started really get to me and I was in denial you know and Shaitaan comes in and he is Shaitaan works in increments bro he would not suddenly just say you know throw you under the bus like you know the small be steps it's not convincing you so oh you should put a video looking at the views you know and you stalking agitate why is this video game death 2,000 years three thousand years why did the last one get ten thousand this one's not doing as well let's change the title let's make a bit more clickbait oh why you didn't so I'm doing this because it's good for the doubt bro you know more videos gets views more people see it's better for the dollar and before you know it your intention for drink goes from drinking for the sake of Allah to doing it for the sake of views and likes and to for your ego basically so how do you do with that I didn't know how to do with a role I just went with the flow you know and I got to the point and then obviously a log is utopia in life sometimes right absolutely and and I got it is oh and I got you through some brothers that I really love and respect today and I need it here that they basically smashed me down and they told me you need to just shut up and if you want to carry on in the doubt you do the background stuff and get off online and social media in not too many words and I hated them for at the time I didn't like it and I was struggling against myself because my ego became addicted to the whole views and stuff like this yeah and and I had to pull back in people who we know is I went offline for about three or four years you know I was completely hardly anything online and do you think that was doesn't one of the better if you take absolutely I needed you know axes that's just tear that side of me out because it was dangerous order destroyed me it did destroy me to an extent and I went through another crises and you know I went through another period broke there was a time that I'm involved in the data people are seeing as a leader in the devil you know people are looking up to me they're asking questions all this stuff and I am now once again going through the anxiety and depression I went through before Isabella and I like what is going on why I don't know and I'm I'm saying I'm thinking oh why is this happening I can convince any atheist on the faces earth that God God exists and I can give rational arguments for this but I'm hollow inside right and that will and that was another thing that made me realize the truth is not contingent about Russia or on rationality when Parris's or anything like this you know you you could be rationally convinced something is true you could convince others rationally that something is true but you may not know it's true deep inside and therefore you're not going to benefit you know an Islam is is that is a reality like that it's not about being just rationally convince oh God exists is this like we're a she know what good food is yeah we could list it out for you right now vegetables grains whole foods etc absolutely but we don't always eat good fish there's a there's a link between what we're about how that we're actually convinced about something and who we become yeah because Islam is not just an abstract idea or belief it's more than that it's it changes your state of being how you relate with yourself how you relate to others and how you relate to others panel Ratana so how did you solve that then so that was a second crisis yeah yeah so what happened although nothing but the sect the the the solution for that now this time was okay it was a bit more tricky because I'm convinced as long as the truth I'm a Muslim I'm giving that I'm involved in these things and I'm thinking whoa what's going on here why I'm experiencing this and I realized the reason was because of my ego right I realized that it all become about me and me looking like something and not about me worshiping Allah spanner whatever and becoming closer to landing it for the sake of Allah in his pleasure that I have to fix and it was much harder than the previous time it wasn't a case of I tried it you know you would be trying but when you see fixed yeah it's not a lever you pull a barn you yes it's an ongoing process broke we have to work on ourselves even now yeah but I wanted to get rid of that anxiety and depression okay cuz I knew I'd gone so bad you seem that was linked to an excessive oh you owe me so how did you sold me that was for me that was that Allah is gonna put me through this each time I full of crack okay cuz that's what's gonna fix me otherwise I'm just too arrogant to be fixed otherwise right that's what's gonna work for me so I'm going through this now I need to be fixed I knew that and I you know human beings try being clever so you know what maybe let's follow the prostration again I try what we tried the first this time you know where can I realize okay I'm gonna have to work on out so what worked it's just building myself learning right studying myself one of the things I took up I remember going oh ma as I was coming out of this depression so this time the depression will be slowly it's time to go better and I removed a bit more of that that malice inside and I started to learn a bit more I started to get a bit better things I teen depression calmed down a bit each time I went to Omer I had this period about a few years ago and I remember going and making but one of the doors that I made was yalla show me what you put in my heart what you want me to focus on what's gonna be beneficial for me and what you want from me in this life and one of the things that came back with was just this urge to just to be able to understand the Quran directly in Arabic it was just this intense urge like you know I haven't felt most of most things in my life and again the challenge okey you dyslexic you can hardly spell in English and you want to learn Arabic one of the most technical languages on the face of this earth but I just okay let's just do it so I just started to do that because I felt I wanted to really connect with the Quran and benefit from the Quran not just spit out verses on video mmm yeah and act like you know what you're talking about where people may benefit but you've you're destroying yourself in the process but actually learn for myself and benefit myself so how is that learning process so far it's a process bro it goes on so on it's not easy it's been about two and a half three years I'm still in the process I'm still learning but that's gonna take you're busy for the rest of your life but it's one of the one of the things I really recommend everyone that's involved in the doubt to do is to if you don't learn Arabic but just to stop doing something engagement or some way wondering yeah which is consistent some way right because remember at the end the end of the day it's a nice to have it's it's amazing to have the Arabic and understand the corn directly but the purpose isn't to just appreciate the language the purpose was to engage with the message and for it to change you absolutely and hamdullah we have brilliant translations is one people if people just pick it up and just engage with the regular tea it will change you like the Quran reads II you know it speaks to you but you have to approach in a way where you you you are approaching it to gain guidance and not to bring something to it you know so so that's the processes and that's what helped me through this time is all and they fixed me in many ways bras so now we've come to Iran today yeah so who is Aman today then what's your state I'm working progress at the moment like everybody like everyone so we go through ups and downs right no one's perfect yeah so by the way you want to put all of this in the book right yeah all of these things and probably going to a lot more detail regarding existential stuff and and and and how this may relate to certain atheist and agnostics right I tell you why I think this is very powerful because a lot of the books promoting a secular philosophy or atheism or whatever you want to call it they're addressing their ideas through stories and through personal experiences you have a lot of X Muslims writing bought some ex-muslims writing books of similar nature you have atheists writing books in that way and it's through the lived experiences so I think you doing that would be probably probably but probably be the first Muslim in the English language articulating the veracity of Islam spiritually and rationally through your lived experience in a powerful way inshallah yeah probably more of this no absolutely absolutely look at all pick up most a theist bucks these days right whether it's by Dawkins Ali rizvi is most atheist Muslim it's all through a narrative which is a personal life that's experiencing things and developing ideas through that reality and then they come to the conclusion they do yeah just like along shahe i think his name is he wrote a book called the young atheist handbook yeah again through his lived experiences and it's very emotional yeah so they try they mix a little bit of reason well it's not rational but they it's it's couched in rational language with their lived experiences and it comes across very powerful because the powers in the narrative right if you took the arguments for example natalier is this book and we did when we did this water thing we sat down we discussed the whole thing about when what is it a response video absolutely if you take just the arguments I mean they easy there's not much there no there isn't but the powers in the stories pots bro be honest I was reading his book and I was thinking you know I was relating to him I was experiencing you know so and I mentioned that in the video is on that's why I specifically focus on the problem of evil because that would seem to be the main thing that affected him yeah absolutely so so it's powerful from that respective and hopefully you know it will benefit you know those individuals who may call them as atheists or religion I can't wait until you finish it I know it would take some time but I think it's gonna be a brilliant project and I'll make a huge success so I have another question yes which relates to the first question yeah so the first question was about if you had one day to live and you're in a room you had to pick one person who would it be what would you say now go back to the minute you realize that you know you're alive you're conscious you're a human being basically you maybe you're eight or seven year old I want to speak to Imran yeah when he's eight years old so you to meet him in this room right now I want you to tell him three things you know I've thought about this robot well from the perspective of my door yeah so far because I I'm afraid for her as one of the one of the main things that I'm fearful of is that she doesn't get the right tools to be able to process reality you know cuz she's also gonna get to the age where she has these thoughts and questions about life in existence and she's also gonna get to the age where she realizes that she's also gonna one day die like all of us right I didn't have those tools at the time you know so one of the things I would I would tell her and me by extension if I was to talk to myself at that age will be number one don't fall for the world and what it teaches you or how it teaches you to think right because and and it's unfortunate bro because we've been taught to think in a certain way which is destroying us in this world and it's going to destroy us in the next and people are falling into a head-over-heels completely right so give her the right tools and also just just get her to have a connection with a book of Allah because if you're connected to if you got that that handhold if you got that rope when you're holding on to that there is literally you can do with you can weather any storm you can get through any situation in life but you have to give a Las words that respect you can't just see as a book you're gonna put on a shelf and make it look nice or you know just recite and learn how to recite no you have to engage with its meanings internet so that's one thing that's it that's probably main thing out to anyone you know who if you're at young age or an old age just start to engage with the booklets are relate to that question so you're talking about your daughter so your parents you know going back to into your anxiety and panic you know what was the kind of relationship with your parents or how your parents helped you along the way I didn't tell them initially I try to just deal with it because all parents know surely yeah my person figured out something wasn't right yeah although I was good at keeping it in not making it known but my dad really helped me through that situation a lot Wow right so he you know he would take me to the counseling sessions he would you know you get advice of people you would expect Asian pears to normally be like you know what I'll go over it snap out of it you know cuz it's a very it's taboo generally in society but especially amongst the Asian community depression anxiety psychological issues and things is veritable right so he really was supportive you really helped me through that all right so so yeah you know I couldn't be more grateful for for what he did at that time and you know and I pray that Allah gives everyone you know parents are supportive and we that we become support principal kids - inshallah yeah they were very good first and how's your relation with your parents so good it's rocky throughout my life but hamdullah now it's at the point I my dad's not well right so he's easy as he's suffer from Alzheimer's you know and I everyone my dwarf friend shall I may Allah give him health and cure him but now he's at this stage where you know he needs help and you know and it just it reminds me that look we're not here forever you know all of these faculties and abilities have been given that we're expressing now and the things you're doing bro and the things I'm doing and the things we're doing sometimes we take you for granted that we'd like this and we're always gonna remain like this I remember my dad bro he would he's worked in some places we worked in big projects and things like this and you think wow it's the same guy who even you know please don't clothes on right now he doesn't know what day of the week he is you know he doesn't remember we said two minutes ago he doesn't even recognize some of his immediate family you know it's a lot tells us in the Quran you know he he he created us he gave us these faculties and he if we if we get to an old age and he gets us to that point then we'll return back to as we were when we first born you know and I'm seeing that transition between my dad and my daughter my daughter is learning how to put clothes in my dad's forget to put his clothes on sadhana yeah and I'm seeing both ends of the spectrum now and for me you know obviously it's a testament and and and it's difficult at times may Allah make it easy Barney one of the one of the benefits and lessons I could take from this is this period I'm in right now is very precious it's very valuable to make the most of it you know do whatever you can I can in this period to leave as much behind as I can for the sake of Allah because otherwise it's wasted you know it's gone and if you realize you've been given this blessing which is life and you have you know you're limited period of time is running out you have to make the most of it it's like sometimes I think of it this way you know when you say you're going to uni go shopping right you go test codes wherever you go you go there for a limited period of time you know if you if you knew you're gonna spend all day in Tesco you would take your time shopping you sit down for a while eat some ice creams at the box you have a chat with the cashier but if you're there and you have you did you have a limited period of time you're gonna quickly get your shopping done in that time and you're gonna get out so you're gonna fulfill that objective so if we're in this life and we know we've got 50 60 years we're leaving soon then why are we wasting it let's make the most of it you know and that's one of the biggest lessons I've gained from my father's illness and I'm sure people I mean I mean final final question yeah Imran in 10 years that's actually can I answer that first go I think this yeah well you know I think well you know about the I think the art of good leadership is to see things in people they can't see in themselves so I think you in 10 years probably most definitely maybe hopefully maybe the CEO of I era I think I think Colonel Valero may Allah bless you and I said no I do believe that believe that I know if not even ie air maybe another massive dowel organization bless you bro yeah I'm gonna answer the question yeah so would you see yourself in ten years I was somewhere else from I look for me one thing I would like to do at some point in my life is the way I see my route here's one vision Allah knows he's the best of planners but I have I have this attachment and love for Pakistan for some reason yeah I don't know why is maybe because whenever I go through that a bit hard times in my life I'll find relief no take me away from anything in a developer relationship for that place not from any nationalistic perspective sure exactly yeah I think nationalism is a big problem generally speaking yeah but I just have an attachment this one thing I'd like to do maybe in the next 10 20 years time maybe is to retire there and just to go and study and to write as much as I can well in the end to teach something whatever is because it'll all work then he spit on day two you know and that's just what I envision it's all about for the next 20 years or so it's a law work that needs to be done I just I just you know pray that you should utilize all of us in Iran inshallah and and I've seen you know may Allah bless all the brothers and and and the stuff that's coming out and the work that everyone is doing you know may Allah make a since April because it's needed yes you know it's needed and I really encouraged people watching reroute it to support the work check it out you know and and to get involved not just sit there and just like listen to your story attentively like I have I've hardly spoken I've just been listening I mean I'm inspired I think everyone's gonna be inspired Carla I love the super slam brothers and sisters thank you for watching this podcast is available in all the podcast platforms you can find them below the links are in the description as well this is hundreds or this your one time re-routed host salah monochromator law [Music]

Channel: iERA

Views: 78,859

Rating: 4.940814 out of 5

Keywords: rerooted, imran hussein, hamza tzortzis, iera, podcast, atheist becomes muslim

Id: X7Q9oxQR928

Length: 48min 42sec (2922 seconds)

Published: Fri Aug 23 2019