Impostor Syndrome - Pave Your Own Path | AMA #4 - Ask Me Anything with Lex Fridman

a couple of related questions on impostor syndrome self-doubt in general Mike asks I'd love it if you could talk about impostor syndrome grateful for all you're doing and the fist like a fist bump emoji thanks Mike that could be one of my favorite emojis I didn't know that existed I love it okay Mike C asks how do you deal with feeling inadequate I'm studying robotic engineering and while I'm doing okay in classes there are a few very bright people getting eight pluses in everything maybe I'm not smart enough or maybe I'm just not working hard enough how do you come to terms to yourself and your abilities and stop envying others you are very successful and bright person yourself so I don't know if you will be able to relate yeah no I can certainly relate I'd certainly don't see myself as successful and certainly don't see myself as a bright person okay I think impostor syndrome and just self-doubt in general there's a lot I could say here I definitely suffer I don't know if I love the term impostor syndrome but for what it's worth I definitely suffer from impostor syndrome I think there's a few interesting things about human psychology to say here and there's a few productive things to say here so also one the underlying problem with impostor syndrome is and just any kind of self-criticism and self-doubt is that you're comparing yourself to others and that kind of comparison is not fundamentally productive for your own development for your own growth except in little bits here and there as much in moderation for fuel I think that's where envy comes into is is again comparing yourself to others to me I've certainly experienced envy as we all have as especially when you're first getting into a particular line of work or efforts but what I learned and actually here again I admire Joe Rogan in I think he taught a lot of people like in in this case it's in the comedy world that sharing and sending a lot of love and promoting others is is better for everybody including for yourself it's it's ultimately the path to happiness is as opposed to being envious of others or comparing yourself others in a is in a negative light is being happy for others other people's success when I see somebody succeed I think there's two things that I feel that I have learned ultimately make me happy and make me a better person one thing is I feel just pure simple joy at their success it's just if you allow yourself it's fun to see other people succeed it's something they're good at something they're passionate about it's just fun just being a spectator of it if you allow yourself to sort of not see it through this compare the lens of comparison is driving me were just mortal beings and you don't need to sort of see it as a race if you just see as an observer or something beautiful and I certainly just enjoy others being good at at theirs at their art at their skill at their craft this can be more difficult if that person is doing something very similar to what you're doing that's when he gets more challenging but I assure you at least for me even in that case it's beautiful to appreciate the work of others just be happy for their success and the other is it's a neighboring feeling but it's an inspiration a sort of I wouldn't see is the dark it's the positive side of envy sort of realizing holy crap that's possible now if that's possible and is human then I could do that too I'm human too and I can get that to that level there's nothing all the amazing rich powerful brilliant people have gotten a chance to me especially with the podcast in the past year the the one the number one lesson I've learned after talking to them is that they're all human they are not very different from me many of them have huge amounts of flaws they're all they all suffer from laziness procrastination they all all have impostor syndrome they they're all human they're all human and they're not much different from you and I and that means when you see excellence that should be an inspiration while that's possible when somebody gets to the four-minute mile that's possible that shouldn't be like oh I can't believe they got to the four-minute mile first or something like that no that means like if four minutes are possible then maybe 350 is possible right and you just push it and push it and push it further especially people that are working close to you you feel those are the two feelings I feel and the other kind of neighboring feeling in terms of why comparison is a useless process is at least for me I believe that success in life is finding your own thing finding and paving your own path not getting farther on somebody else's path than them or not sort of out racing somebody else on a ready paved path it's forming a new path to creating something new hopefully something fundamentally new so new that nobody could have even imagined but even new in small ways so paving your own way and their comparison doesn't matter I think that's one other instructive feeling when you're envious of others if they're getting an A+ in a particular class if they're in academia you can have sort of all kinds of metrics citations which university you are in which where you are in the hierarchy a faculty position assistant professor schoesser your professor full professor what kind of awards you have recognitions you have what kind of grants you have in terms of lots of money in business it could be the the profits the it could be as silly as your social media presence of followers and all that kind of stuff all of those are measures of your place and somebody else's race that rhymes it could be a haiku even I think the thing you need to do is to pave your own path eyerly on realize that I became disillusioned so for a long time getting A's for me meant success excelling at school was success and a certain point in college I realized that it's a trap for my skill level that the the creative the wood it's hard to put into words but there's a certain thing you become if you allow yourself to be introspective to look at yourself in the mirror and ask the question of what am I good at what is what will the path that I can pay something new look like and you realize that school is deludes you into thinking it's important to go down somebody else's path now for a lot of people school might be very effective there's there could be you know success in academia for a lot of people getting a PhD in go diving in deep and a particular topic is actually how they find their art how they discover their beauty through that process they find a problem that's fundamental for me I my the thing I would like to create in this world is some weird mix of deep scientific ideas but also artistry and also doing very crazy things in terms of both business and ideas that allows that requires you to take a path that's nonlinear and and so when you see other people getting better grades you know I was in that point I realized I don't care about grades anymore and I I care about diving deep and exploring worlds that fascinated me feeding the passion feeding the fire of that passion rediscovering different aspects of that passion so my advice in terms of when you have self-doubt is to not self-doubt is is grounded in your comparison to others instead focus on finding the passions in your life irrespective of others something totally new find something that you're excited about now this could be a painful process of this is the beauty and the and the suffering of the creative process it can take and can take a while but you shouldn't be distracted but what the world tells you to do you should focus on this journey and discovering that passion because then comparison more matter of within that passion the only comparison you'll be making is to how far you've gone down the road yourself of achieving that passion one of the things you have to kind of think is you have to look ahead and think of so when you imagine your passion for me there's particular things I've talked about it I haven't been able to articulate it well but it's something about companionship with artificial intelligence systems of having deep connections whether that's whatever the space is it could be in personal robotics in the home or it could be with autonomous vehicles semi autonomous vehicles maybe any kind of human robot interaction contacts I have a visions like literally I can visualize the world that I would love to help create and and then and that really helps you pave different little paths that are that are off the beaten road off the beam path that allows you to not listen to others it allows you to not use the metrics of comparison to others and that that's how I don't even acknowledge impostor syndrome as a thing I I feel it all the time you know I feel like a fraud all the time I I get more and more now more it's kind of hilarious as you get older you get more prestige and so on you get called it's yeah I get called a thought leader which is the most ridiculous label of all time or more more common is expert you know I'm expert on autonomous vehicles an expert on artificial intelligence or expert in whatever and anytime somebody says that that kind of thing it seems silly to me seems that I know so little and and the more I learned the the less I feel like I know and it it so that feeling of imposter syndrome in comparison to others in the city context of like conferences where everyone's like a dr. Friedman you know that kind of thing it seems absurd but it's useless in the grand scheme of my pursuit of my passions there's no imposter syndrome I truly so there's a mix of humbleness just like you heard now I generally have a profound humbleness about my place in this world but I also have an ego and that ego has to maintain - it's a powerful thing it's a useful thing and I have a belief a self a deep self belief that on that path I'm traveling that new path I'm paving I am the best person in the world to pave that path that little unique little little road is I am the right person this is the right time I am the best person in the world for that so there I am like it's not an apostille syndrome there I'm truly meant to be great that and that's my own little corner of the universe you know there's billions of them but that's mine and at that I'm the greatest in the world and there you have to have that ego it might turn out to be nothing but I'll be the best at nothing it might turn out to be something great and then I'll be the best at that degree but that that's where I get that confidence that little gentle fire always burns because it's mine I had to add to quickly Google one of my favorite poems to insert here it's called in the desert by Stephen Crane that kind of to this point of having your own little place in the universe and appreciating it and deeply appreciating it without jealousy without Envy having this little piece he writes in the desert I saw a creature naked beast eale who's squatting upon the ground held his heart in his hands and ate of it I said is a good friend it is bitter bitter he answered but I like it because it is bitter and because it is my heart okay being read like this it sounds absurd and Stephen Crane is an absurd poet and I love his work but is basically it's your own it might be bitter it might be some sort of definitions of success in this world your path your journey your career might be a failure but it shouldn't be a failure in your eyes you should be true to the journey and to your passion and pursue as much as possible as much as possible the money all the material possessions all that doesn't matter as much as possible as long as you can feed yourself maintain minimum shelter and feed your family the pursuit of the passion should overcome everything and then all the other things of self-doubt of imposter syndrome and things like that will fade away now all that said I should mention that you know I'm full of contradictions in some sense I should mention that being self-critical is uh is a superpower being self-critical I think is a superpower but it's also a poison there it's a interesting balance you have to strike I guess they would starting to be poetic I would say that that self-criticism self-doubt is a poison and then gratitude is the antidote for the poison but that poison is exceptionally useful for growth back that's self-criticism the self sometimes bordering on self-hatred there's a it's it's a and the human psyche is the interesting dance those demons could be useful it can be useful for growth of hating the work you've done it could be useful for improving I remember the Marvin Minsky said something like this is saying that he's hated everything he's ever done now that can come off sounding wrong and I think I think there's it again you can have too much of the poison but and a little bit like Tom Waits says I like my town with a little drop of poison I think that little poison could be really useful so the self criticism self doubt I have the feeling I often if I give a lecture if I have a conversation on the podcast I have a paper I submit I write something someplace or tried to articulate a point or I have an exchange of ideas with people on something technical I often leave feeling full of sort of maybe hating how inarticulate unintelligent how lacking I was in my ability to arrive in some clean insight to provide something valuable to that conversation to that lecture to that debate so and in it there's a kind of self-hatred a self-criticism and a lot of people might say well that's really dark that's you know you should you shouldn't feel that way but I think I think that's really useful and the in generally the way I approach this kind of feeling of self-doubt and self-criticism in comparison to to myself what I could be and perhaps is grounded in a comparison to others is I do it a little bit of moderation about things I'm working on currently and things I've done recently but always in every individual moment I have a deep profound gratitude like I have over some water here delicious ever it sounds absurd but I have a deep gratitude for the fact that I have the ability to have water in front of me by the way this water bottle and clearly it's its power rate I refill it with water I just keep using this bottle and I do the same people always say of plastic bottles in the podcast I refill them for me as much as I can with water so for example I have a general dissatisfaction of home inarticulate I am with for example answering this very question I you know I could do a lot better I think and I'll feel that way especially after stop recording that's fine and I think that'll grow that'll help me be better next time but throughout it I'm deeply grateful for this water I'm deeply grateful for having a shelter it's windy and cold outside right now and I am here and a heated environment that you know keeps me warm I can have I have a coffee maker I can make a coffee and I'm still alive and healthy and I have incredible people I get to talk with just that whole every single moment whether I'm sleep deprived whether I just stubbed my toe on something whether I'm going through even difficult stuff you know difficult emotional the loss of different kind strategies it's still I'm deeply appreciative of the water and the heat and the the plenty of love in the world around me so it's that balance of salt criticism and deep gratitude for every single part of the individual moment and make up life that allows you to be happy and have a little bit of fire under your butt to fasten that doesn't even that is an expression to see make sense to a little bit of fire motivating fire to drive you to give you a reason to give you a sort of an itch to improve to grow to challenge yourself to go outside the comfort zone and throughout it again that gratitude so I hope that gets to it I think impostor syndrome is a natural feeling but it should not be it should not lead to envy said the darker sizes your comparison to others I think the way I would advise and all over the way I tried to live life myself is when I compare myself to others and see their success I'm enjoy I'm really happy for them I enjoy watching them excel I use it as an inspiration and the any kind of degree of self-doubt I do have I use it as fuel I use it as fuel for myself to to improve and again isn't everything I've come back to this often but gratitude for every single moment is essential essential for happiness essential for clarity of thought you know I've talked about burnout in the previous thing and people said you know people have different views on burnout so on I think if you're just deeply grateful and appreciative of every moment then burnout becomes less likely I I know people have sought a sufferer in different kinds of ways from from all kinds of different angles from I have different life paths I can only speak to myself to myself life is easier if every part of every moment of every day is filled with something you can be deeply appreciative of and I think it is the fact that we're alive the fact that we get a chance to experience this moment to me is a beautiful gift you

Channel: Lex Fridman

Views: 229,342

Keywords: lex fridman, lex, ama, ask me anything, lex mit, lex ai, lex ama, ask lex, lex question, lex vlog, lex fridman ama

Id: l5Uw8qG7vZU

Length: 23min 37sec (1417 seconds)

Published: Mon Mar 02 2020