Ian Hislop looks ahead to an insane year of British politics in 2024

everyone accuses Kier of being you know weak and feeble that he has to rely on a previous leader and then sunak appoints a previous leader to be foreign secretary I literally have no idea what he's doing and I get the feeling that I share that with him so 2023 began with rishy sunat being fined for not wearing a seat belt and ends with a series of slow motion car crashes uh involving migration the economy and the future direction of the Tory party K St began the year promising National renewal and ends it dressing up as Margaret Thatcher so who better to have a look through the year that was 2023 there with Hislop editor of private ey and star of I got news for you do you do you edit you edit the annual as well I I'm afraid I do yeah yeah you do it all you do it all um now it it got me thinking actually I mean obvious obviously the annual is terrific and very funny but I wondered whether did you think that 2023 was a bit boring we haven't had a new prime minister or a new king for ages yeah no no I mean and everyone said this is going to be the year where the adults take over and it won't be nearly as funny for you and then it started off quite sane and and obviously that was disappointing and then it just went nuts didn't it um and it turned out that the man we got into to be prime minister doesn't understand politics at all um hasn't really got a clue how to do it so that proved funnier andun and and he does keep telling us that he's someone else the real rishy changes sort of month by month well that's the thing is let's start then let's start richy Sun's Year yes uh um at the beginning of the year he was he was the sort of serious guy just getting on with the job keeping his head down wasn't going to be out talking the whole time he was just he was going to do not tell yes and then we like you said we he's like Madonna he's had loads of reinventions this year and also he just started with five pledges and again you just think anybody who's really interested in politics would remember Ed miliband and headstones and and things not to do and he just doesn't remember so an out of five pledges you're unlikely um in the world as it is to be able to meet them and as it turns out it's it's looking like is it one out of five not out of five yeah the one which has got nothing to do with him the rate of inflation that's based in the hands of the bank of England that looks like it'll be met uh all the ones like growth and NHS waiting list and stopping the boats yes not so much not not so much it's it's a sort of Meatloaf song isn't it it's a na out of five ain't bad um have you been surprised given that you know we obviously had bis Johnson and Liz trust I'm sure we'll come on to them in a minute have you been surprised that Wishy sunak hasn't turned out to be better yes I mean genuinely surprised because I suppose no one knew anything about him but it should have been a clue that he hadn't been in politics very long didn't appear to be very interested in it and doesn't know how to do it and I mean the the the year ended with him not knowing that the the classic British response of a prime minister to the Greek marbles issue is you say oh that's very interesting I'll definitely look into that and and then you carry on with the meeting the idea that you cancel it is just um it's ludicrous yeah ending up in a diplomatic spat with Greece was not on my sort of bingo card for the year no whereas but he's he's got there already and what you do know is that um anyone Greek and particularly the Prime Minister will bring up the Elgen marbles immediately I mean again I just wonder if there are any advisers left now we should we should also talk about K st's Year yes um he he began you know began the year very serious again my father was a toour maker careful with your money and all of that um I mean their poll lead is just I mean it's held up through the whole year despite sometimes his best efforts um I he he's now so far ahead in the polls he can appear in the Sunday Telegraph writing essentially a love letter to Margaret Thatcher irritating I suppose he thinks all the right people were you did were were you expecting that it's just part of the Playbook no I just thought he's now getting to a sort of level of such confidence he feels he can do anything um I mean it's it was TR actually who used to dress up pretending to be Mrs thater the idea that KIA is going to appear with a handbag now and tell us to Rejoice is it's a little bit disturbing but I think it because the last three times where I think you me probably everybody else thought well the the labor lead's going to it's going to collapse now um you know that didn't go very well the Gaza ceased Fire vote surely surely some of this is going to rub off and then you open the paper the next morning and he's even more popular so I think it it even Kier I think might now think he's going to win what difference do you think that then makes because you're right because do you think that the the labor lead is any enthusiasm for K St or is it just wearisomeness at the uh if that's not a word uh at the Tories well again that they're the the Tory um Mid um year makeover suggested that were a change party and rishy was a complete change from everything you'd seen before and that that that didn't last very long but the obvious response to that from the public was well if we want to change we can have the barister bloke um he's a bit different though I mean in the last sort of five policy announcements he's just said whatever the Tories do I'll do that as well so just just just I just feel slightly sadder about it yes and and I've got a more pained expression but I I do think it it's not necessarily enthusiasm I mean I got fooled by though because I saw that heading about Kia enthusiasm for baroness and I thought oh it was Mrs kinck and maybe sex of the L party you're not allowed to appreciate her anymore um but it it is a bizarre turn let's talk about some of the people we've loved and lost this year there's a long list of people who filled the pages of private eye um over the years Boris Johnson Nadine Doris bra Dominic Rob Nicholas sturon I mean have you will you will you mourn their passing yeah if we start at at the bottom of the list I mean Nicholas Duran I mean we started the year saying ah Donald Trump being arrested certainly wouldn't happened to a politician in this country and then you know the Scottish police descended on the house and put up tents as though it was line of duty and started digging around the garden for God knows what it it was like they'd said can we make this look more like a murder yeah not that there's any suggestion of murder of course no that was that was the unfortunate implication no and and I mean what is funny is that it ends up being about a camper van which uh you know American politics is more glamorous there they appear to be billions at stake as opposed to you know a dormobile on someone's drive so that was funny I mean you say we've lost these people but we haven't lost vorest he's back at the inquiry again this time spinning it just as he did before um in all the other inquiries he's appeared in front of this year uh I think my favorite inquiry was when Carrie's mom caught him having a drink with a nanny and that that was a very serious inquiry into what yes very serious inquiry very serious repercussions for all all involved um Suella braan has she actually gone and we had a strip cartoon which obviously I regret very much which is like like Superman it was Brave a man and you call her up and then she doesn't do very much because she doesn't have any powers but uh it it seemed funny for most of the year but uh then suddenly she was gone but again I don't I don't really trust any of this I think they're all coming back well because they have you know she she was sat his Home Secretary was back within the week you know it's only a matter of time before she return us Grant shaps must be duing another job change what about Nadine dos have you enjoyed her move into fiction yes I did think it was hysterical and I loved I just loved the fact that everybody had um Bond's nicknames um I including M who was presumably Michael Gove and James Bond who was clearly Bo Johnson I mean it it was it was gloriously silly um and I think there was a character in there called Ian douge Smith who I couldn't work out which one he was it's very confusing it's very confusing her book um now when we began the year what do you think the chances are that you'd have put a bet on uh the big comeback of the Year rishy sunak makes a big speech at the toy Party Conference in October I'm the change candidate I'm drawing a line under 30 years of failure everything that's gone before me and within six weeks he's got David cin walking up down stre what went through your mind when you saw David Cameron arriving at number 10 again um I just thought I was dreaming uh again you thought this can't happen I mean former leaders you know like Tony Blair they hang around in the background and everyone accuses Kier of being you know weak and feeble that he has to rely on a previous leader and then sunak appoints a previous leader to be foreign secretary and somehow this is not continuity this is a bold new move it's the day after he sacked um Suella and then so you think oh is this a move to the center and then he appoints es McVey the next morning I literally have no idea what he's doing and I get the feeling that I share that with him I suppose actually the other the other big point we should talk about this year was was was Sue gray yes Sue gray suddenly going from you know checking Oliver lewin's pay slips uh to investigating party gate to working for K starma yes and I think that was the one time in the year K starma had um at a sort of moment of silliness where he thought what's the thing I could do most to annoy the Tory party is Appo the person who's been looking into party gate but again it was a very very stupid move it's the only time in the year I thought oh maybe you're not grown up at all do do you not do you detect the hand of Sue gray in anything that he's done since we're being told that she's in all the meetings and she's raising eyebrows and making notes really I don't know I mean again Sue gray was in in essence quite a gray person um and you know the the sura report was not exactly a bombshell given what we found out since particularly during the covid inquiry um and uh the daries and WhatsApp groups actually Sue gray comes across as more and more of the slightly boring civil servant that we thought she might be yeah the suggestion the original suggestion that it might be a sort of establish cover up as you might have played it all down actually sort of slightly Bears out some of the you know give give that we found out since um what about some no no no I'm just the idea that party gate I mean it did involve wine coolers and suitcases full of booze and swings being broken people being sick I mean it really did I mean that stuff isn't made up and Nadine's world view that everything is a conspiracy to get Boris Johnson I mean it's a conspiracy by Boris to destabilize himself over the course of an entire lifetime yeah it's it's it's quite hard to think that everything that happened during the covid pandemic during lockdowns none of that brought Boris Johnson down what brought Boris Johnson down is a group of people who also didn't like he and Duncan Smith once no and and we're sort of fearsomely pro brexit yeah and then weren't sure no I'm afraid that that doesn't make a lot of sense let's talk about some of the other the other couches of the Year Matt Han co uh continues his tour of the TV studios uh njel farage in the jungle um are you I mean I know you like to keep across popular culture have you been enjoying any of this output um yes well I'm I mean I was invited to go on um uh I'm a celebrity get me out of here this year were you this year I mean I I have been asked a few years and I always think it's a sign of whether I'm washed up or not is is whether I get the call and I got it this year so it's probably all over uh and there was a moment I thought would I like to be round the campfire with Nigel and then I thought no and again they're briefing at the moment that Nigel's very boring television and everything's very disappointing um and they'd much rather have more people from soap operas on or influencers or whatever I think the idea that politicians will liven up your program may have just been deflated for good yeah that does see does seem to be the I mean the fact they're surprised that NJ farage mates Bor in t suggest they've never seen GB news AB or never been to a pub where that sort of conversation is available if you did go on I'm a celebrity yes um what would what would be the thing that you're is it spiders it snakes is it drinking camel's anuses what would be the thing that would do for you I think members of the Reform Party I think I think we've missed out I think I think you and Nigel smashing it out topless around the around the campfire I think that's that's what we need well it's bottomless in his case isn't it yeah arguing over who's going to go and empty the duny that's what that's it's it's it's the reinvention your career needs here yes absolutely and I feel it's what the public really doesn't need to see um at all we should talk about uh I mean it's not you know the news you cover all the news yeah the royal family has been pretty dominant this year yes well exactly but I was going to say that because you've got you know obviously you know all the bits of it all the part after their you know their their respectful period of Silence after the queen died they're all sort of back now in full soaper mode the king wearing a tie uh to Plate the Greeks you've got the the Prince Harry book which accidentally got some names in it in the Dutch you they sort of all they're all at it yes and it it it as you said it so is a bit like the sun acting there was a moment where you thought they'll be calm there'll be peace and then it all kicks off again and I mean when the queen wore the um the Hat in Parliament that was sort of vaguely EU colors um that was sort of quite subtle the king wearing the Greek flag the day after his prime minister's made an idiot and then the palace says oh no it's sit an Old Tie he's wor that one before I mean see it is pretty funny is very funny also the idea that P say no he's only got a couple of ties he just he just grabbed the nearest one he had happened to have to oh what this old thing this old thing uh I no it's very funny I would imagine there are a number of Gentlemen of the tie and equiries of the creat who who's whose job it is to to peruse the thousands of options every morning so coincidence no no I think it's probably right now tell me about when you cover Harry and Megan in the magazine yes do you get cuz we whenever we discuss Harry and Megan on the radio or I write about them or you get a whole load of people who are really really angrily telling you they don't want to talk about this anymore yes um do you get the you know which Camp do you think private ey readers are in is it team team Wills or team howy no I hope they're team neither um on the whole I mean in in the last outb I mean I always enjoy the reminding people that the papers who really really hate Harry um do have a slight um uh uh skin in the game on this one in that he sued them so when the mirror runs three pieces uh every day about how awful Harry is you think th this isn't a coincidence is it so there is there is a real bias with some of the papers but again Harry makes it very easy for people because he's just so annoying and uh his grasp on I mean we ran a lot of accounts of the trial and I he you remember he had to actually give evidence um and it was a very bad idea putting him forward as the main witness because he's just not used to answering questions and when you're in front of a barrister who says uh what happened here and he says my phone was hacked and the baron says uh you were three years old and you only had a you know a Fisher Price phone uh it it doesn't look so good um and genuinely he he was terrible um and then you know in the last week the idea that um this book has absolutely nothing to do with um the couple I mean dear old um uh scobby he he's got two sources really hasn't he and and we know one of them himself you mentioned you mentioned media bias there for a long time you thought the biggest problem in in uh in the British media was my boss you know B billionaire Australian then Along Comes Abu Dhabi to buy a newspaper are you excited by that yes no well I again I mean my first reaction was I do like reading the coverage of of a lot of um uh British newspapers saying how awful it is to have a foreign owner and you're thinking yes yes it is or even a semi you know non-dom type owner in the case of the male but um the UAE they they're really not very keen on journalists I mean to to the extent of locking them up and keeping them inside whenever possible I mean it is it is a bit like um having the Chinese own the papers or or the Russians uh you you really don't want this yeah when when I find myself in in agreement with Charles Moore which is is a great moment I was going to say that with with with actually lots of Telegraph columnists and the The Spectator editorial they don't particularly want to be owned by the either which makes you wonder who might still be who what they might actually be buying just some black pieces of paper yeah I think it's just it's a bit like when Muhammad alfed who we sadly lost this year um I say that not terribly sincerely but you know he did die uh it it is when do you remember he bought punch and there is a a sense in which people think I will buy the title and they don't realize that that's that's not much yeah unless you've got every part of it now you've not been without controversy either this year yes uh in the where you ran after the uh uh October the 7th attack you ran a private ey front cover with the the the the headline on warning this magazine may contain some criticism of the Israeli government and may suggest that killing everyone in Gaza is Revenge of Hass atrocities may not be a good long-term solution to the problems of the region yes uh when you did that did you expect it to become such a controversial front cover of all the many ones that you've done uh no in your time as editor no as one reader put it um not long afterwards why have you stated the bleeding obvious um I also didn't expect you know what I'd written as um exaggeration and satar to become American foreign policy which it is as of now so it turned out X weeks latest to be I'm if anything a bit lame um but I think it at the time um it got people very excited um both ways was it I suppose because the thing that always surprises me about this because if you look at the polls that you know there were there were a group of people on both in the UK anyway group of people on both sides who are very partisan and passionate about it lots of people in in Britain who could just look at it just saying this is a terrible situation I don't need to pick a side I can see uh reasonbly sympathetic to both sides were you surprised by the because I mean you you I think you lost a cartoonist didn't you resign because of the backlash yes despite fact I put his cartoon in which was indeed uh um a cartoon about people pretending they weren't being anti-semitic when they were um but uh you know there you go is it do you think it's had a permanent effect on the magazine do you have any regrets about it um no absolutely none um and uh I think you know as as week followed week afterwards it looked um less and less controversial uh and also I mean people do tend to see what they want to see um and if you um follow the magazine there was a long uh there was a long piece about um hamas's effect on its own people uh in the magazine there was a uh two pieces about sort of uh neighboring Arab governments and their and their lack of interest in finding a solution too and if you if you go back a year two years then it's it's more and more clear that what we're trying to do is find some sense um rather than as you say pick a side which I don't I don't think you have to we've looked back over the last year that's all boring now let's look ahead to 2024 yeah we've got elections coming out of our ears somebody told me there's 40 elections around the world of some description or another uh in 2024 what's going to happen well I'm I'm but I sort of uh I feel Trump might get in again um which is is top depressing um uh Revelation just because uh uh life is so crazy at the moment based on the last few years that why wouldn't he uh so I mean I think that may be the top election I do think um we will have an election in Britain I think K starma will get in and I think he'll recall David Cameron uh to be his Deputy Prime Minister uh in an attempt to keep everybody on side um yeah and then I think that'll probably go very well and then there'll be no further political stories for the rest of the year and then you'll have to resign when I'm always on the verge of it when do you think the election will be are you a you in the May camp or the October Camp I think it has to be May cuz um the trajectory is only one way at the moment so I I feel it will have to be then and is there part of you that relishes uh just a new influx of characters we were talking earli about your bis Johnson the Jean D and that there actually a clear out a change of government we haven't had one for well we've had lots of Tories moving around each other but we haven't had a proper change of government for a long time is that something that you and the private eye team sort of quite look forward to regardless of politics yes I mean I I think um everybody would like a change of personnel and a change of vocabulary and a change of dialogue and a change of feuds not the same old ones and yes it would be great not to be talking about whether Nadine um is backing Boris and whether uh Michael Gove is um now maneuvering behind the scenes in in the next Government after this one it would be great if it was about something else I mean it could even be about politics and about policies and and what we want to do um no that don't be silly don't forget that prediction that's just silly I'll ask you although I'm not necess expecting an answer who are you gonna vote for um do you vote uh I do vote Yes I mean I think it's it's it's a duty to to laugh at politicians it's also a duty to vote for one of them um that that is the bottom line so I will be voting but I'm afraid I can't tell you um about exactly when I want David Cameron to succeed um and uh how's the how's private I doing how where are you in the in the because it seems to me that you're you're persisting with the not embracing digital technology yes well that that is our secret um superpower uh is that if if you're not online um and you don't give your material away for free um people tend to buy it uh which is an extraordinary Insight which is allowed only to me and obviously to no one else in the entire publishing business uh but no I mean we are still selling you know 230,000 OD uh copies which is a lot more than we sold you know uh before the pandemic and uh a lot more than we sold during periods when uh we were down to you know 200,000 and the editor then I think was a complete idiot it was me who obviously couldn't do anything to save his life so no touch everything I mean it's going pretty well so go that's that's my final question then how long will you remain as the editor of private eyes it's been what 35 36 37 years are you gon to go on and on and on or are you GNA hand over the Reigns to David Cameron no I just I mean again I do take a a leaf out of of your your proprietor's book I think you know as a young young man of of of 97 I I think it's wrong for me um to go quite yet right very good very good well IOP very good news very good news uh I hisop thanks so much for joining us the private eye annual it's the perfect the perfect stocking filler as long as your stocking is sort of quite wide quite wide in the thigh that's what I going to say it's a pillowcase filler it's a pillowcase filler it's a perfect pillowcase filler and obviously P eyes out of your weekend have I got news for you will be back soon uh again depending on at what point they sack us uh yeah well I look I look forward to being invited back Ian Hislop thanks for joining us and happy Christmas yeah and to you Matt

Channel: Times Radio

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Id: pYVSP47cloI

Length: 27min 2sec (1622 seconds)

Published: Fri Dec 08 2023