I Wrote A Book & I Don't Know If A Single Copy Sold...

[Music] it's bunny and welcome to vlogoween day one uh this year is gonna be very weird but we're gonna attempt to do something every single day and today you guys i'm gonna serve you up a big tall glass of iced cringe i don't know if you guys know this or not but um there's not 31 days in september i thought i had a whole other day of preparation i thought that there was a september 31st the first day of vlogween was originally gonna be like uh hocus pocus makeup thing but um maybe tomorrow oh i don't know if you guys can tell but i'm honestly like i'm pumped i'm jazzed to be doing halloween stuff like there even though this year is very very strange it's very different something magical just happens to my soul my body and my spirit right at the crack of dawn in october i am suddenly just full of like zest for life passion for breathing and and doing things stick around subscribe maybe if you're not already subscribed i don't know i can't tell you what to do i'm not your mom before we get started with today because you guys i'm actually nervous like if you're like a theater kid like i once was or you're any kind of like performing performer person you have to let me know if you get like this like when you're about to share some creative bit of your self or you're about to like get on stage and like like whatever you do on stage hopefully not that like i get this like heart flutter palpitation issue which is probably not healthy i should probably get that looked at but you know like oh i'm feeling that now you guys because i'm oh i'm gonna share i'm gonna share some things with you guys today but first let's have a sip of this you guys remember this this used to be like my official beverage i used to drink sweet leaf tea every day of my life 10 times a day it was like a whole thing you guys used to send me which i swear it's somewhere somewhere in this filming room in the swamp family mail one time i got a paper mache hand painted can this was like a whole thing this was like this was a passion that we all once shared together and i stopped drinking it you guys because about like five years ago they had glass glass in their tea i guess this is like a little horror story for you guys happy october 1st uh yeah glass in the tea and um i checked like the serial numbers because they had a recall they're like do you drink this every day might be some glass floating in it um and i checked the serial number and literally every single container that i had in my fridge at that time was part of the glass serial number recall it was very traumatic for me as you might can imagine but i literally haven't drank this in five years so i was like hey i bet they got that glass situation sorted out also my time management literally sucks i probably could have done the makeup transformation video if i didn't spend like three hours doing my hair you guys and like literally eighty percent of this hair is not even mine it's someone else's hair i just clipped it to my head okay just quit do you see any glass if so tell me not to drink this looks glass free like how could they not see glass just like floating around in there i have so many questions bottoms up let's have a sippy sip tastes kind of it's not 100 like i remember it but they used to make it in cans they don't do that anymore i don't know why why i feel like cans are like very trendy everybody drinks from candy water from cans white claw from cans i've never tried one of those maybe i should i don't know it's good but it's like i don't know if i'm getting like 100 nostalgia flavor guys i've got to like i've got to like tone down the chaotic nervous energy oh my god i'm a story time youtuber five years too late i'm gonna tell you guys about the time today that i wrote like a whole freaking book i put it out in the world i tried selling it to people and i was so nervous of failure that i don't even know if a single copy sold i thought i did this like a year or so before i started my youtube channel but i just took a quick sneak peek and i actually did this in october of 2010 so this was just a couple of months before i got my youtube channel it was like a very weird time in my life i don't know why i'm doing this i'm so embarrassed to read any of these poems like if i actually think that there was a time where i had to like submit these to a professor and we did these like peer-on-pier review things like we would get in these little groups and we would all swap poems or whatever like i was an english major actually a poetry major a literal poetry major it's like a kind of english degree so i had to take other writing courses and it was pretty stereotypical for every writing course you would get in these like peer-to-peer review groups and you would like all swap your like project or weekly assignment or whatever it was so other people have read this and it's so embarrassing so i just decided like let's just read it to a couple more people why the hell not i'm fully prepared for you guys to laugh at me today and tell me how my poetry is but it's okay i already know it's a funny story and it's in the shape of a coffin there's like graveyards involved of course there is so let me let you guys know i was a very very very angsty individual in 2010 i almost said 2005 that would have been accurate as well i literally had to tell black every day of my life if you were here like when i first started my youtube channel you guys know like i was very different i also had just been through a string of like very creative relationships so i wrote a lot about that i wrote a lot about my cringy romance life a lot of what i thought was um sexy crying that was a very large motif in my poetry dead people graveyards sitting in graveyards being in graveyards talking to dead people i wrote a poem about alexander mcqueen because that was the year that he passed away as well um and i was like you know what i'm gonna write a poem about it uh so first of all we're gonna take a look at this but since i'm not sure there's like a whole lot of content here maybe there is i don't know i also have my actual binder from the same year this is when i was like writing this so let's talk about this i decided i was gonna publish self-publish some of my poetry because i thought like other people beyond the classroom setting should be exposed to this there was this amazing bookstore and if you are a houstonian maybe you can type the name of this bookstore in the comments if you remember it it's so sad that i don't remember the name of this bookstore because they were amazing they were on west timer down in the montrose area they were like two doors down from american apparel and this bookstore was like a small family-owned independent bookstore it was like a little cottage and it had like a metal gate that they would open and shut like you know when the business was either open or closed and they had people like come crochet like weird stuff on the gate i don't know if any of this makes any sense to any of you guys but it was a really really cool place they had a lot of weird uh books from other you know weirdos that were maybe like self-publishing i know that i went there several times because they would have like poetry readings and stuff they sold like very strange artsy magazines it was like oh it was a whole place i really wish that they were still open today so that i could like have taken you guys there at some point i'm sure i would have done like a follow me around or something the sweet kind people which i don't even know how i like worked up the nerve to do this because i am kind of a weirdo like i feel like there are certain things i'm like very shy about and then like certain things that i'm just like hi guys it's me you know like i overall don't think i'm a shy person because like i feel like at my core i am like a performer like i love theater and stuff but i can't sing i can't sing in front of people i can act and i can do stuff like that um and i never really would like get nervous about like i don't i don't know what it what i guess i was like i guess sometimes i get nervous energy sort of like i have right now but it's not enough to like stop me from doing something but sometimes like i don't know like ordering a pizza like like i don't know why that just like so i don't you know there's a balance so i don't even know how i did this but i walked into this bookstore and i was like i have written a zine can i sell it here because that's that is what this is i'm saying like book probably for the title and thumbnail because like do scenes still exist is this still a thing that's happening i feel like this was like a kind of an old thing like when the internet wasn't so prevalent people would write scenes and they're always like these weird cool things where you would do like mixed media there's all kinds of ones like people draw some people just draw scenes some people do like comics there's just kind of a thing you know and they were selling scenes in there so i was like you know what i want to do this i want to do a scene and i literally had it in my head that this would be like a thing that i did like a continuing thing and i i did it i did it once and i made these things i put them in ziploc baggies because nothing says like i'm an artist and a poet like selling your ish in a ziplock bag i brought this in there and these saintly people agreed to take this stock and sell it in their store and then like i would make some money if they sold and then they would make some money if it sold because you know they're selling it in their establishment you know taking up floor space with this so i had a concept which was not only was i gonna put a zine in there i wanted to give people like a bang for their buck so i was like you know what i'm gonna do i'm gonna go to the thrift store i'm gonna get a bunch of like random creepy old pillowcases and i'm gonna screen print a pillowcase and do like a zine and pillowcase combo 25 like did a single one of these sell i don't know we're going to get into that detail later so this i thought i should title it in latin and then translate that underneath and i don't even know if this is latin like did i use google translate probably but it roughly is supposed to mean the dead are no longer lonely which is like i am 14 and this is deep i'm telling you guys okay it says each 24-page hand-cut zine is lightly scented with the smell of graveyard bouquet and explores the realm of ghosts graveyards and the paranormal through poetry and photographs this first issue includes a bonus screen printed pillowcase and then i wrote first issue again and 25 am i crazy don't answer that okay so i just found this the other day in the bottom of a drawer i literally didn't even know i had any of these anymore but oh surprise so let's open this up let's see if we can smell any graveyard bouquet like what did that even mean what did i spray on these i don't have any memory of what that's supposed to mean let me take a smell i don't smell anything so let's take a look at this pillowcase i don't oh i think i also like just huffed some dust or something a little too much graveyard bouquet okay oh that gets like more refreshing the more it like melts under these super hot bright lights look at that not centered just on there did i think that that was like edgy or something well although i do like this kind of like bizarre it's kind of a patchy print you guys i did screen printing for a while too i think people just think that i like lived life and like never had jobs i swear i had jobs um many jobs in fact i this is not this i don't count this as a job oh jeez let's take a lookie what is this oh my god it's like um like i was like what is that is that smoke is it a bat it's a woman and she's supposed to be contacting ghosts i forget what this is called because i swear as i age with every year i get stupider and i forget more and more of the things that i learned and i used to know but i know there used to be a name for this kind of photography it was like something they did back in the victorian era when they were trying to be like it's a seance i can talk to dead people and they would like start like shooting cotton balls or something out of their mouth and then capture it on their old timey wimey cameras and just freak them all out oh so spooky um let's go ahead and flip to the back because there's a picture of me oh my god i can't believe the things that i used to type the dead are no longer lonely is written by houston creative writer and fashion designer oh my gosh i do look kind of cool there though that looks like literally the same as my youtube default picture which i refuse to change under any circumstances because i'm crazy i just had all these like edgy little graveyard pictures you know why not that's what a majority of this is i guess i wanted to like mostly spare people my cringy writings so i put in a lot of these really cool oh spooky i did actually hand cut each and every one of these like there was a period of time when my entire bedroom was taken up by sheets of paper i quite apparently did um wait does this page literally just say fear not the realm of the dead like what in this like floral bond nonetheless oh oh i smell i smell graveyard bouquet i will read to you a poem and then i will tell you i'll tell you how i don't know if a single copy sold or not so okay so just get ready to laugh when we lay the dead down to sleep they rise again to pace and weep existing in this unearthly plane wishing to be part of the living again help send it poem to find a quiet place lay me down cover me in the soft folds of the ground take this what take the dirt fill my mouth with an eternity of dreams was i okay i don't i don't am i okay i don't think so okay so that yeah there was literally three poems and then the rest was just like edgy poorly black and white copy pictures of graveyards basically what had happened is this zine thing had been sitting in their bookstore for like i don't know how many months honestly because they kept trying to reach out to me and they kept trying to call me to be like hey giving you an update and i just dodged these phone calls entirely because i was just literally scared that it was not a big hit flying off the shelves which why would it be i was just nervous like i just didn't want to know i feel like back in the day especially i just wanted to do a lot of things i don't really think i was good at any one of these particular things i just wanted to be out there like doing all kinds of creative stuff like i wanted to make clothing i wanted to screen print stuff i wanted to be writing poetry and then i started getting into doing videos and i just was like doing stuff and so i kind of just like didn't want to know though logic none available so i was just like dodging these phone calls and then unfortunately they were like really trying to get a hold of me because they were going out of business like i think maybe like six or seven months after they put this in the store and so i think they were trying to contact me because whatever hadn't sold they were trying to like give it back to me and then they were trying to settle up with whatever they owed me like now i'm mad at myself because i would love to know if a single copy sold did anyone buy this or was anybody just enticed by the weirdness because i have to be honest honestly if i saw this for sale now in a store i would be like oh like weird pillowcase and coffin book i'll take 12. this is still kind of the stuff that appeals to me i mean now that i'm opening it like literally no not but just just judging a zine by its cover i would buy something like this today like if this was for sale on etsy and i had no idea the contents inside i would still buy this now so i don't know i don't know if i sold any of them just based on like curiosity but like how stupid is that how silly is that to just like not want to know if you sold anything so i don't know i don't know how much money i theoretically had made i don't know how many copies i theoretically had sold rest in peace to this amazing awesome bookstore who even like gave me such a cool funky little opportunity like i do think back on this with like smiles in my mind just because it is like such a funky little one-off thing like i'm glad i did it but it is cringe and it is embarrassing okay um so since there was only like technically two poems in there these extensions are making me sweat so much while i let my camera cool off for a couple seconds i'm gonna maybe dig through here and find like some other cringe that i can read to you guys oh look at that look it's the pattern it's the pattern that i drew and i always always throughout high school and college i had the cutest little school supplies like sanrio they used to sell paper like this actually this is miffy i don't know where i bought this probably somewhere that also sold um stationery san rio station not just stationary sanrio stationery but it's like purple i don't know if it's coming through purple on camera but it's like a light lavender purple um bunny paper this is what i turned my college assignments in on because why not i can't tell i keep smelling something and i don't know if it's me or the graveyard bouquet because like we kind of smell the same you know so but i am smelling something oh look it's my project that i did because i insisted that jim morrison was not a rock star but a poet who should be respected for his poetry so they like there was some assignment where i had to do um like a full deep dive semester long report on a poet and i was like i'm gonna do jim morrison and because i am like that i had to like prove you know that he was a poet to be able to like do this assignment and then and i did it they let me do it and uh and i did it and this is what i did yeah this is what i spent college doing i feel like i wasn't like necessarily good at college i had a lot of professors that were so cool and they ended up like being friends loose friends of mine for a while okay i'm gonna find some more cringe to read to you guys we'll be back after these short messages i've just had my mind blown because i wanted to look up this professor that i had this class with he was one of like my most memorable professors and i feel like i just annoyed this man because i'm gonna be totally honest i feel like i was just not very good at college i'll just say that again i really used the period of college to just is like a self-discovery period just kind of like figuring myself out figuring out literally what i wanted to do i changed my major an embarrassing number of times i thought that i wanted to do psychiatry psychology um family development uh like counseling kind of thing like for a long time i wanted to be a counselor for a troubled teens i uh what else was a major oh i did um fashion design as a major so i just you know if if you could major in it i i thought that i could do that and then i ended up becoming a poetry major really because i just had like an english class with this one professor and this guy was so amazing he was like a playwright i enjoyed that class so much and i really do slash did i really don't read that much anymore like what can i say i'm getting stupider you guys but especially like back in the day i read so much and so i don't know i think it was just like a culmination of all those things uh that finally like just writing and english and stuff like that um which what do they call it in other countries when you major in like creative writing or something because or or you study literature because i can't imagine that it's called english in other places like i just what does that even mean um anyway so that just clicked and that finally just ended up being the thing that i was like really passionate about and at the time i was like very obsessed with like english romantic po like lord byron and all that jazz um this guy was very memorable to me because i feel like i just had to be a pain in this guy's outside like uh especially like these years like the 2009-ish 2010-ish like i was really not focused on school at all i was like just doing it you know uh but i was like much more engrossed in like my own personal life and like who i was dating and what i was wearing and like you know it makes me sound like a super eat genius i mean like i don't know who's not involved in their own personal life like is there a way to not be involved in your own personal life i don't know what i'm saying it's embarrassing but i remember this professor and i just looked him up because this guy was like a serious writer like he was not a because the people that i was like really cool with were like the people that were like really my age do you know what i'm saying because there was a lot of professors that i had who were like graduate students is that what you call it like when you're getting a masters or something and they like have you teach classes i forget what that's called but those were like the people that i ended up like being friends with because like we were just you know a couple anyway this guy serious writer and i just googled him because i was like are you dead because that's gonna make me feel funky um he's not dead good news and he's freaking married to the actress lily taylor like freaking mind blown i feel like i knew this back in the day because i was like what and she's from say anything freaking public enemies a haunting like my mind my mind is he's writing and like oh my god you've got to google this guy i hope it's okay that i say his name because like literally oh my god i hope no one who ever took these classes with me or any professors see this video because cringe but if you want to look him up his name is nick flynn and i just read his like wikipedia page studious suddenly he has like a really crazy insane like unreal backstory so if you're curious about this guy if you want to have your mind blown just just read i don't know read his wikipedia page it's like a quick little blurb i guess maybe it's more entertaining when he tells the story to his face so maybe maybe we can youtube him oh my god does he have a youtube video do you have a youtube channel i don't know that is what is contained in this binder is like his notes like a real poet man writer read my poetry and i just like hats off to like you know this guy who read this and like it didn't just be like you're an idiot i mean i guess that's what professors are there for is to like encourage their students and not just be like just please stop just don't write again don't write anything again ever that is basically what this binder is full of is like my poetry and then my drafts of creative versions of my poems and then i have like some of my peer-to-peer reviews in here which oh my god i had a friend in this class her name was lisa and she was so much fun we used to go sit at chick-fil-a and eat salad weird salad recipes that i came up with and she was just i don't know she was so sweet i'm sad that i don't have a particular note i also feel like i took more than one class from this guy and i swear he gave me like a poem or something back that i wrote and he described like my style or mood or whatever as like adam's family-ish or creepy or something so i don't that tells you how like kitschy my poetry is he had to write a poem in each of these like poetry styles we had to write a villanelle a sistina a pantoum a sonnet a blank verse and a heroic couplet oh i want to tell you guys one more other stupid thing about me i thought that whatever i wrote was pure creative energy so i never wanted to do any revisions i just wanted to like go sit in a graveyard and like like i don't know dead people were gonna just channel my homework to me in my mind i thought and i wrote it and then i didn't wanna i didn't wanna revise it i feel like that was another fun thing about me yeah it's really it's bad so this this is this is a product of somebody who just thinks that they write things and that's what should be written and like you know hey i may not have a lot going for me but i do have confidence so there's something okay so i'm gonna read the one about alexander mcqueen because why not i'm sure now that i've mentioned that five thousand times yeah this is this too is this bad i didn't pre-read this i don't know if i can say any of these words honestly let me figure it out i read every poem in this binder and i realized that all of them are extremely um not safe for youtube really dark writing some really dark stuff so i'm definitely going to post the alexander mcqueen one on snapchat which is just at graveyard girl i figured like because i don't want to just cheat you guys out of the experience of like not being able to read any of my poems so i will post it there this is dark this is a dark um i was just really you know i was having a moment i was having several moments i wrote this on march 1st of 2010 i'm trying to see if there's one i can read there's one that's like god can i read this i found one i can read i reread this is the worst one this is the most so it'll just give you just oh my god i i really hate for you guys to think that all my poems are this bad because i think the alexander mcqueen one is bad but it's not like so bad that it makes my soul die a little to read it out loud but we're gonna go with this villanelle that i wrote it's very bad he even wrote at the at the end he said nice sense of transformation as this moves towards conclusion in the rewrite try for weird to replace cliche so there we go um this one's really bad so this is what is this is this the villanelle yeah villanelle i don't really remember what that means but there's a lot of repetition in this so i think it means repeat everything you're saying over and over again laying amongst the tombstones worn and grey i whisper aloud your name i wish my heart to be swallowed drowned by the bay my pulse slows as i become part of the decay and realize to you my heart was simply a game so cringe laying amongst the tombstones warren and gray this heartbreak will pass so they say but after the loss of you i will never be the same i wish my heart to be swallowed drowned by the bay slowly i witnessed the sun's fading embers the sinking of the day neither of us could be tame laying amongst the tombstones worn and grey my fingers graze a burial bouquet you are the only one i can blame what does that mean um i wish my heart to be swallowed drowned by the bae will i ever be okay so bad it's so bad um will i ever be okay yes i believe i found a way to kill the flame laying amongst the tombstones worn in gray i wish my heart to be swallowed drowned by the bay that was great wasn't it i'm sure you guys are so glad you stayed to the end of the video to just get to just get that okay so today today's video was a mess it was a lot of storytelling um more what was that more vlogging videos coming that will be more halloween themed this is not halloween themed even though it is scary how bad this poetry is if you want to read the alexander mcqueen poem it's going to be on snapchat anyway thank you so so much for hanging out with me today and for watching i love you guys so so much and i will see you again tomorrow bye

Channel: grav3yardgirl

Views: 130,169

Rating: 4.9410453 out of 5

Keywords: beauty, how to, makeup, howto, style, fashion, new, clothes, clothing, bunny, hair, long hair, infomercials, infomercial, work, does it work, curl, curly, hair tool, hairdryer, easy, fast, curls, curly hair, straight hair, commercial, funny, curlformer, do curlformers work, fake makeup, real vs fake, fall, winter, workout equipment, workout routine

Id: qAqrJ1_aV7U

Length: 30min 36sec (1836 seconds)

Published: Thu Oct 01 2020