"I WANT TO GO CLUBBING WITH MY CHILDREN" loose vs strict parenting | Jubilee

today's topic free range versus strict parenting i know you want to talk about spanking and different stuff like that maryland parents are accused of child neglect after allowing their two kids to walk home alone from a park about a mile away what do you think about that letting your kids walk home from a park a mile away would you would you let your kid no it depends how old they are but everything that's going on right now and i know my kids are gonna look a little cute so i'm not letting them walk away really well it depends where i'm at that doesn't even depends where i'm at i'm not putting my guards down it depends how old they are it really depends how old they are like i'm not kid what do you what do we mean kids what what do you think me 15 is still a kid 16 but 12 is still a kid you know nine as a kid okay well five is again how old was the kids they were like seven nate nah you gotta look at your kid and you have to say is my kid dumb is my kid the kind of kid gonna be like oh candies it's a luxury to be a free-range parent because there's a certain privilege that goes with that being a strict parent i think first of all i imagine stress should be a really fun time of your life why follow all these rules when you want to enjoy your kids she looks like a pre-race friend that's for sure she's a borderline hippie that's right here we go we we got we got info being dropped by granola jenny yo this girl looks like she grows her own oatmeal yeah that's pretty sure like christina looked like christina looked like um we about to go in the store don't look at nothing don't touch nothing don't ask me for nothing we go in there i buy the things i go back on if you ask me for something um i'm jody and i'm the ceo of the madden house and i have eight children and i'm from l.a you know she popping out kids like she's trying to make up for all white people that's a lot of kids boo boo eight god bless you i founded the free range kids movement i let my nine-year-old ride the subway in new york city by himself i wrote a column and two days later i was on the today show msnbc fox news and npr defending my parenting style and i started free range kids that weekend as a blog to say look i believe in safety i just don't think that we have to you know have a security detail every time we let our kids out of the house so can i have my free range parents on the left and my strict parents on the right see you later for ready friends children should be trusted to make their own decisions you walking forward on this one are you going to stay behind it depends for what i mean it's not black and white you know what i mean people are trying to make this it's black it's white yeah yeah yeah it's black it's white yeah this one was a good song sorry it's all good michael jackson was black and white yeah he was black and white so technically michael jackson was great listen to me though black and white michael jackson like would i walk it depends for what like you know in this sentence you're not giving me enough information for me to be able to am i walking or not like okay on what i'm gonna be the annoying dude if i get on these i'm gonna yeah but you need to be more specific on what all their decisions so of course children should make their own decisions i mean we're trying to raise them so if you're trying to raise them you not i can tell is going to be the most detestable one on this panel we're raising them to you yeah you're raising them to be responsible adults if they don't make decisions they'll never learn when my child is possibly going to make a bad decision what i want to do is not tell him it's a bad decision i think that's the wrong thing to do because then the ultimate is probably going to reject that anyway also it depends on what we're talking about decisions about like if it's bedtime and you want your kids to be in bed at eight o'clock i think that is up to you lennon's the more okay newton is going to be the guy that's going to be like uh like i'm just trying to please everybody and i'm not really saying much but yeah jen we already know i think lenoir's gonna be the more bounced i think so all right but i remember a time my son called me he was 10 at the time and he said mom can i have another piece of banana bread and i thought i felt i felt bad because of course that's a very simple decision they expected that i was the one to decide almost everything about what they were eating and doing and i felt like there was something wrong and that actually started me reevaluating things can they climb the tree just let them climb the tree and what's the worst that can happen they break an arm right oh well what's the worst that could happen if they jumped off a tree break an arm it's easy for you to say that about the broken arm you know if you got health care right if you have that privilege financially to be able to afford the treatment for your child great imagine for poor families who when a kid breaks his arm they got to go broke right so you know earlier when the black girl talked about privilege i didn't know what she meant but i'm just starting to see it right now it's like yeah you can say all this stuff about yeah do whatever you want the consequences are the crowd no sometimes they have huge financial repercussions for their family i know because i broke my arm when i was a kid thankfully at the time i was living in canada so treatment was mad cheap but if i was living in the states my mom would have been like [ __ ] you crippled now why wouldn't they also let me whoop your way your necks are yeah well for my kids specifically she can go outside and play after school and she can draw she can do whatever but there is a very healthy boundary like we don't have the type of healthcare that most people have so like no you can't climb the tree no you can't go up there and break your arm because i'm gonna be in the hospital that i'm gonna lose some time at work then i'm gonna have to do extra work yes go christian probably that that jen does her own plasters herself out of kale and broccoli sticks if it's like oh i don't want to play violin anymore but it's like you can't you're not allowed to quit things that you start because even as an adult you become a flaky adult well you see so many parents nowadays who just like bend to every whim of their child children should be trusted to make their own decisions when it is wise for them to make their own decisions you know i'm not going to let my five-year-old decide that he's not going to brush his teeth anymore because he doesn't you know as the child grows and as you as a parent train that child then more freedom should be granted to make their own decisions it should be a true train our children i feel like you train a dog and not a kid i think terrain is a good word i don't want a trained child okay well i do you know what this made me think of i have chancer you know what the lana trained that shot you know what i made me think of it made me think of uh we don't say mankind we say people kind of you know what he meant you just playing on words right now you're an adult you're going to have training you're going to attend a job they're going to give you training it's not training it's just you know more like information you really crucial information that you need into like to proceed into this job it's called training do you know what training is education that's all yeah i'm not saying to be like me do you think you need to train them to be respectful or do you think that you guide them in a way to learn to be respectful because of the decisions they've chosen both that's the training that's the mother training you just don't like the word because you're triggered you god you train them it's all the same thing these strict parents don't seem that strict they seem the strict ones are the balanced one the free range one by your guy they do what they want that's the thing is i think being strict is actually a balance of yes you're gonna be able to gradually make decisions that's why when you have a permit you learn how to drive you first have a learner's permit first you take some classes and eventually you have more and more responsibilities she makes me mad man bro just eat a granola bar don't really follow rules even if it's a theory of free range parenting per se if you're following those free range parenting rules then you become strict and i don't think that there should be rules it should be whatever the day brings you embody everybody that i've encountered at the restaurant or the grocery store that led the kid to whatever the [ __ ] they want now i'm at the airport waiting for my plane that's been delayed it's not your kid's fault but the fact that your kid is jumping and streaming next to me and you're in front and you're not doing really yes to me because there are no rules but yes there are rules and when that kid that never learned how to play with rules is going to encounter real rules it's going to be a shock and tell you what i can't let my kid my black kid not have rules i can't jordan peterson said something really interesting he said don't raise a child that other people are don't gonna a jackass he's free-spirited no he's messy sloppy as [ __ ] he's artistic no she's vandalizing he's high energy no he's a kids reign your [ __ ] childhood kids deserve privacy maybe wait i don't know absolutely yeah yeah oh wait we have a struggler even though not adults are still people and they need time to either hear their thoughts or process things or just they need a sense of comfort and solitude and things that are are sacred to them in our household we live by this kind of thought live your life in such a way that if everyone could see what you're doing in private that you wouldn't be ashamed [Music] i just peed that out that was hypocritical you're a grown ass woman you have kids you did some things that felt good but you're not really too proud of yeah yeah you did the grown-up you did your taxes you and your husband you balance numbers you balanced your budget he made a deposit god bless you but i ain't masturbating in front of my siblings uh it's not gonna happen i'm not ashamed that was crazy talk to me ashamed so you can so my kids also look through my phone privacy is not something a child should be entitled to have do we give our kids quiet down time yes am i looking for all their stuff no um i actually agree with the definition of downtime and privacy at my house there's no privacy because you don't pay any bills she also trusts me and i wanted to make a relationship to where she trusts me that even if she came to tell me like there's no yell i don't yell and i don't scream and i don't do anything like that we're very open but there is no privacy so i just wanted to put in a plea though for some privacy you know i go around and i talk about free-range kids and sometimes what i ask the audience is to tell me when something did go wrong and i asked them did you tell your parents what do you think they said no why do you think they said it fear fear fear of what being in trouble being yeah you think it's trouble they said they didn't want their freedom taken away i think it's important though that we hold our children accountable because in the world there are plenty of adults who are not held accountable who've never been held accountable and they just do things that are terrible but most of childhood is little things and you don't have to be there for everyone because that's when kids start realizing i can handle this parents should be parents and not friends i'm the parent and you're the child because i don't want you to lose respect for me like i'm not gonna go clubbing with my daughter like there's just some things that i'm just not gonna do that i do with my friends that i'm not gonna do with my kid i agree that i'm their mom first but i'm also their friend i'm also someone that they trust and admire and they come to and i listen to them and i give them my opinions and we have forged a friendship but it's not without my position as the authority in their life okay listen if you're my boss you're not my friend if at any point you could tell me what to do when i have to follow your orders we're not equals i am below you there's a reason why friendships between subordinates and their superiors is always very touchy because at any time you can pull rank on me so how am i supposed to see you as my equal you not you're not you're not friends with your kids at least not until they're adults you can be friends with your kids if you want to but i know damn well i'm not gonna be friends of mine i'm your father but it doesn't mean that you cannot come to me as a father i'm gonna give you i'm gonna give you uh insight on life as a father i have a father i didn't want him to be my best friend doesn't mean that we're not going to be good doesn't mean i'm not going to laugh with you and we're not going to have fun you know it's not that that's not what it means it just means that i'm the dad that's the hierarchy point that's the that's the level in my mind once my kids are 18 or let's just say moved out of the house they are an adult and at that point i want to stop parenting if i haven't parented enough by the time they're 18 then i should then that was my chance i don't want to be a parent after 18. this is gonna step back a bit because wow granola jet is some [ __ ] up kid wow jam jen has kids but doesn't want to do a lot of stuff huh i don't want to parrot i don't want to train i don't want to be a parent past 18. i don't want to wow you just had kids to have kids but you're not taking none of these responsibilities i don't want to make lunch and when it comes to clubbing i hope that when my kid is old and grown up and they're going out for a beer at a bar or whatever they're doing of course i want to come with them can you imagine they're like juveniles back that ass up comes on hey mommy hey and then she's just twerking and [ __ ] she's like yeah oh mom go get him he look cute you know hey spanking your child is an acceptable form of punishment what are your thoughts banking is an acceptable form of punishment sure i'm spanking any [ __ ] okay yeah do you think that they're gonna have memories of these times being spanked and that it will be sure something thankful for it i would do because i i mean i would be lying if i said i never have spanked my child of course but i don't ever i don't don't feel good about it it doesn't matter if you feel good or not you're judging people on things that you did but because you think it's good and you feel good about it you're bad you're worse than me no you're as bad you did that you resort to that so your ass bad don't you want to raise your child to not want to do things because they feel as if they'll be a better person not because they're going to be punished for it both see this is hard for me to understand because i come from a culture where everyone like all my friends have loving parents that spank them as kids and now they've grown up to be great functional well-functional adults who respect their parents and are glad their parents spanked them i'm not going to talk someone that spanks their skin their kids i'm not going to be like you shouldn't thank you that's that's true do you you know what i mean uh i don't want to initially this isn't my kids the same way but and also i am thankful that my parents did it sometimes because sometimes up so i understand this point generally uh spanking is a bad form of parenting uh science is pretty conclusive on this it normally uh it's a very strong correlation with kids in violent behavior there's a higher likelihood of it there's a higher likelihood of that child uh social anxiety uh i don't think it was depression but i definitely think in terms of violent tendencies much more likely and to me you know it's been confirmed by sociologists that spanking does raise those and i'm not surprised i think if you see somebody resolve an issue through physical actions then you as a child internalize that as a as a valid way to deal with certain problems and so it becomes a perpetual cycle because the way you see your parents because you heard them say before is that it's the easiest most effective way to solve a problem it's effective and it's the easiest way for you it's not necessarily what's in the best interest of a child because you're telling that child that the solution to their mistake is physical action and so what ends up happening is that when they encounter a problem their response to it is more likely to be physical because if that's what they've learned from you yup it's why people who grew up in crime areas tend to replicate crime themselves i'm not saying it's going to be the case i'm saying it's far more likely so whether his five kids are fine or not that remains to be seen and that's irrelevant just because their five kids are doesn't mean that it's a good way to parent other children so you can parent your kids however you want i'm not here to tell you i'm just telling you what the facts are and then everyone has to make their own decisions after that but you going to thank your kids no i'm not because my mom didn't need to spank me and i felt like the way she parented me in regard and compared to the all the other strict kids around me was way better and she parented me differently because my older siblings were parented very strictly just first kids they always tried yeah yeah and it didn't work out so well and so when i came along it was kind of like and i was given a lot of space to make mistakes and i think once i was given that space to make mistakes my mom just said be responsible and i think as a young man we all want responsibility we want to we want to feel like we're contributing like we're part of the process do you know what i'm saying and so when you're given that responsibility and people really respect you with it then you don't want to let them down you know what i'm saying because that's like i'll give you an example an army well i've told you the story already but when they would punish us you can't hit nobody in the military and so what they would do is they would punish everyone else around you for your mistakes so that you felt responsible and ashamed of the fact that you let the others down and so once you've seen that you felt like garbage and so you would you would improve the way you behaved in order to make sure you didn't let the people around you down and i think that's an effective way it teaches you that your actions don't just have repercussions on yourself but the people around you and i just felt like all those different ways that i saw myself being shaped that didn't require violence made me realize you can make someone realize the impact of their actions without hating them i just think hitting them is effective because it instantly settles the situation you don't have to take the time to explain to them you don't have to take the time to reach that child and actually get to explain the situation to them in a way that they can understand absolutely you hit them and they're ow and they don't do it anymore you know what it's not necessarily true that they're not going to oh no i know plenty of kids who were spanked and hit and they became some of the worst people i know exactly so it doesn't mean that it's going to be that effective actually no okay i'm just gonna tell say my my view so i don't spank my child one because of child slavery and jim crow i'm a black person and i live in a world where black people are beaten all the time i have a mother who spanked me i'm not glad that i was spanked i respect her but i'm not happy about that also the same thing with the people who are like i was spanked i came out great they usually have like anger issues they're violent they whip their own kids they probably need therapy she's just my girl chris is my girl she knows what the hell she's not holding back no punishment but she don't need to hold back go go christian go girl live your life let's hit it i sometimes fear i am raising my children the wrong way they they should all go forward every single one of them if you don't raise a child and don't think to yourself maybe i'm doing this wrong at any point to me that means you lack self-awareness or that your ego's involved the only person i think that should stay back is christian i think part of parenting is always worrying i mean as hard as i try to do the right things you know there's always doubts in your mind that you've done something wrong i love to tell parents especially new ones that we're all winging it we're making mistakes every day but the good thing about it is that our kids still love us they still look at us like mommy and their fries right right club buddy even free range lenora's flying jetty club buddies friends right she not playing games man get your petty on girl oh that's good i ain't mad at it so black parenting is literally just like one huge ass experiment that's a nice expression you know parenting is one huge ass experiment people think that i have the answer because i wrote free range kids and i run this let grow and all i can say is that believing in your kids you know believing in them whether you give them a time out or you're spanking them believing that your kids have this capacity for for being a decent human being and they're going to make mistakes they're going to be okay that's what kids want it's really funny how the strict parents were actually the ones that were most balanced and one of the free range leonard was one that was balanced too but she's she was writing it so please show everybody raising kids but the free range i'm not with the free range thing i think i consider myself as a strict parent according to their standards but it's really not always black or white it's really a career area you know use common sense the thing is no parents really know what they're doing that's pretty much it that's it for today tell us what you think uh follow us on a different uh platform if you want more content don't forget to go on the patreon and check that out uh we have a bunch of different things that we're gonna that we're gonna put out and yeah that's pretty much it uh i'm preach because apparently you messed up i was down see you another time

Channel: Aba N Preach

Views: 915,607

Keywords: aba preach, reaction

Id: gj-juSiEJiI

Length: 23min 45sec (1425 seconds)

Published: Thu Jan 28 2021