I Quit My MIT PhD

Hi everyone, I'm Erin, and this... Wo-wo-wo, this is my YouTube channel Let's get started My childhood dream was to do my PhD at MIT and I got here and now I quit So, what happened? It was definitely not a light-hearted  decision. I can promise you that I would like to share today my journey from being   a failing student in Croatia  to attending MIT in Havard Then, I'm going to talk about why I quit my PhD and finally, I'm going to talk  about what I'm going to do next The goal here is to give you an  alternative perspective on the   education system and even talk about the  purpose of doing a PhD in the first place Now, let's go back some 28 years I was born in Germany, in a normal  working-class family and at the age of five,   my parents decided to relocate from  Germany to Croatia to work for an NGO Nowadays when you think about Croatia you might  be thinking of all these beautiful sunny beaches but trust me back then the country was just  recovering from the Civil War of Yugoslavia   it was complete chaos cha chaos chaos k chaos was  complete chaos I think that's how I pronounce it   international schools were way too expensive  for my parents so I had to go to local public   elementary school the problem was that I didn't  speak a single word of creation so next few years   were a really big struggle for me in every  possible way I was very shy and awkward and   really struggled to make friends just primarily  because I didn't speak the language well enough   in middle school I developed huge behavioral  issues ranging from small things such as just   throwing stuff at my teachers all the way up to  blowing up several windows at night of my middle   school with some little self-made explosives okay  not these kinds of explosives these are ashle BMS   from the war it's kind of a miracle that I still  have all 10 of my fingers left not surprisingly I   got kicked out of school after school after  school because I was driving every single   teacher crazy at the end of 8th grade it was time  to apply for high schools and these applications   are very competitive because there exists one  extremely prestigious High School in the capital   by combination of luck some last moment efforts  and a lot of help from my parents I somehow got   admitted to this most prestigious High School  honestly in highsight I think every single   parameter was somehow stuck in my favor anyways  here it was all of the sudden in ninth grade   surrounded by cacious smartest kids and one thing  that particularly stood out to me were all these   kids that went to math and science and informatics  competitions in middle school and as a result get   admitted to this very prestigious High School  I always looked up to them and admired their   intelligence but at the same time I felt like I  was just not intelligent enough to ever compete   with them and un surprisingly I was the worst  student in the entire class by a really large   margin initially but at some point I got really  interested in physics so all of my classmates they   had been competing in math and informatics nobody  in physics so I felt like this was kind of a safe   space where I could try to become good at Without  Really competing with them directly and I kind of   developed a little obsession with physics just  you know solving a lot of problems every single   day exploring the depth of Nature and all the  little secrets I thought it was really exciting   and for the first time I actually felt passionate  for something that that I'm doing here long story   short to everyone's surprise after a few months  of preparation I didn't just qualify for the   state competition which was my initial goal  I actually won a national physics competition   and one year later after some really hard work  I actually won a bronze medal at International   physics Olympiad as the youngest participant  from Croatia ever just before starting my last   year of high school I heard about MIT for the  very first time M was and still is the number   one University in the world for Science and  Technology at that point I realized that MIT   would be the only place that could really satisfy  my high-minded ambitions I read anything I could   online about the admissions process to MIT and  decided that I would do anything and repeat   anything to get admitted and that was just a  point where I crossed the line between just   being extremely ambitious being borderline  insane I had no plan B for me at that point   the entire world became black and white either  succeed get admitted into MIT or my whole life   is a failure a completely unhealthy mindset I had  already done everything I could for the physics Olympiad how loud can people be I had already  done everything I possibly could for the physics   Olympiad however due to some translation errors  from English to croation and keep in mind I still   didn't really speak English at that point I only  won a bronze medal again at the physics Olympiad   and despite having perfect s scores despite having  won a national award for the best high school   graduate in the entire Republic of Kore ctia I  got rejected from MIT I talked more extensively   about this whole story in my video about my life  principal success for Success that he can watch   over here would no plan be in absolutely  no money to afford living and studying in   another place my only option really was to study  at the local University of Zagreb to be honest I   was completely devastated felt like none of my  hard work had really paid off was still stuck   in Croatia the same place while other people  were going to MIT and prestigious universities   doing fancy internships at Google or Apple with  all doors wide open to them I felt stuck like   in a dead end after some time I decided to drop  out of University because I simply felt like I   wasn't pushing my career in the right direction  by staying in Croatia I somehow got a bit lucky   and started working for the New York City based  hedron Dian company completely crazy story that   I made a video about that you can watch over here  and I also spent some time in California doing   machine learning research my friend and I invented  a new type of machine learning algorithms that to   my great surprise and end up getting quite a bit  of traction this point I decided to reapply to   MIT but this time to the PHD programming computer  science arguably that's mit's most prestigious and   most difficult department to get in a lot more  difficult than getting into undergrads however   luckily at PhD level they don't discriminate  against non-americans now keep in mind that at   this point I still didn't have a bachelor's degree  because well I dropped out of my undergrads and   also I didn't have any connections or anyone to  advocate for me at MIT like a professor something   that is extremely important important but yes  this moment finally came the moment I had been   working my ass off for the past 8 years basically  sacrificing most of my personal life and happiness   for it was January freezing cold outside and had  had just had the most stressful month of probably   my entire life I just arrived at my parents place  in Croatia was already quite late I was walking up   the stairs to my bedroom and I received an email  from my MIT saying that I got admitted it's hard   for me to even describe the emotions that I felt  at this point I mean think about it this way I had   worked the last 8 years of my life since the age  of 15 basically day and night to accomplish this I   had so many drawbacks so many unfortunate moments  and things that were just completely outside of my   own circumstances and all of the sudden it  happened I got admitted to MIT on my first   day when I arrived I was probably the happiest  person on the entire planet I actually started   off at Harvard University which is right next  to MIT because I was supposed to be co-advised   between Harvard and MIT for my PhD I would often  just walk around Harvard and MIT meeting some of   the most bril brilliant and interesting people  I've ever seen in my whole life sometimes I would   just sit down in this famous Widener Library at  Harvard just to study and watch people around   me does that sound a bit creepy yeah that sound  a bit creepy I would often just sit down on one   of the old benches with my laptop and think about  who else sat these benches before me people like   Barack Obama Theodor Roosevelt johnf Kennedy Mark  Zuckerberg Bill Gates I sat there realizing that   all of these people had at some point been at the  same place as me and now all of the sudden I was   there with the same resources available to myself  for the first time in my life I felt like there   was really nothing that I couldn't accomplish if I  played my cards right now compare this to 12 years   ago when I just got kicked out of middle school  at that point I thought that my life's best case   scenario would be that I do some random office job  obviously nothing is wrong with that but the world   of the powerful and Rich and successful people  in this world just seemed completely unaccessible   to me and yet here it was the place I had been  dreaming about for so long so so this enthusiasm   lasted for a few days you see after this point i'  been completely obsessed with getting into MIT to   a point that was very unhealthy and for all of  these years I thought that my key to happiness   in life was being at MIT but no at that point  I realized that my true inner goal was really   just to prove to myself and everyone around me  that I could get into MIT I wanted to show that   no matter what no matter how hard it is no matter  how many people or bad luck tried to hold me back   that I would be able to accomplish my goal and  indeed as I started my PhD I mean I was still   excited but in my mind this was a chapter that was  already completed mission accomplished end of the   story so what was the next challenge it was such  a weird feeling I mean for most of my adult life   I had been chasing my nordstar whenever I was  disappointed or sad or needed motivation all I   had to do was follow that Needle on the compass  pointing towards my Northstar towards my and   you know what happens when you pull out a compass  in a North Pole it loses Direction the need just   randomly starts spinning around with no place  to point towards that's kind of what happened   to me when I got into MIT I I had spent the past  several years of my life just moving from country   to Country constantly chasing something better  something bigger and I was actually excited about   finally having some peace in my life to live on  one place and focus on doing one job my MIT PhD   however my mind just couldn't accept that what  was the new North start for me just sitting there   and doing my PhD and graduating well hell no that  just wasn't big enough I needed to chase something   huge some big goals some better objective the  needle in my internal Compass just completely   lost directions here luckily I ended up with a  really good PhD adviser was very patient so I   wasn't really forced to work on some boring PhD  project that I would hate but on the other hand   this is also a bit tricky because having so much  Freedom can be a bit overwhelming my PhD advisor   is very hands off that meant that very often was  stuck reading some extremely complicated papers   on Quantum Computing or Artificial Intelligence  on my own and you know I hate reading even just   reading a menu in a restaurant without pictures  is too much for me so you can imagine I would   spend sometimes three or 4 days just staring at  a complicated paper without making any progress   at all to be honest at that point I started  feeling really stupid it felt a bit like I   needed someone to constantly hold my hands and  guide me step by step through everything I wanted   to do but annoyingly I couldn't get started with  my PG research because it just wasn't anyone to   help me and the fact that everything was remote  at the beginning of the co pandemic just made   everything much worse I realized that the reason  why I was struggling was exactly the same reason   as back in middle school it's because at least I  thought so I wasn't intelligent enough I wasn't   disciplined enough nowadays I realize that at  least in my personal opinion intelligence is   completely overrated and doesn't matter as much  but it is true that I wasn't disciplined enough   and I'm still not disciplined enough yeah you  wouldn't really expect to hear that from me but   it's true I'm not very disciplined and I have  never been the thing is I'm just not able to   force myself to sit down and focus and study  for something that I'm not excited about and   isn't that exactly what discipline means well I  don't have that however one thing that that I am   extremely good at is developing a passion almost  Obsession for achieving certain goals once I've   locked in the Target that nordstar of mine I don't  even need discipline to force myself to work hard   in fact it was lack of discipline that often made  me unable to stop working I know this sounds very   paradoxical but especially in high school when I  was solving physics problem it was completely true   that I just lacked the discipline to stop solving  physics problems start hanging out with my friends   discipline goes both ways and next time you're  struggling to work hard and focus remember you   may not just lack discipline what you may really  be lacking is a clear goal and vision for what you   want to accomplish back to my PhD I wasn't really  making a lot of progress everything was very slow   and one thing that I didn't mention so far is that  already just before my PhD had actually started   my very first company in the digital marketing  space and what I noticed during that process was   for the first time in my life it wasn't just  uh end goal that I was completely focused and   obsessed about I was actually genuinely enjoying  the Journey of starting a company however I still   had a PhD to finish and after a lot of positive  encouragement from my PhD adviser was being really   nice to me I knew that if I spent another two  years focusing on my PhD as much as I disliked   it I would eventually finish and graduate and  earn that PhD and I genuinely tried pursuing   that path for some time but then towards winter  last year I just started getting unhappier and   unhappier spending Christmas to New Year in  Cambridge is just really sad because you know   it's dark and cold and almost everyone is gone  spending time with their families around that   time I also made my video that got quite a bit of  traction called my whole life is a mess that you   can watch here this was the very first time that  I actually opened up about my feelings and how   I felt with my objectively speaking good life the  main reason why I was so unhappy was just because   I realized that over all these years I really  neglected friendships and people around me the   video actually got quite a lot of traction with so  many people commenting and writing me later that   they felt exactly the same way but just never knew  how to express it if you've never watched video I   Really encourage you to have a look after this  video anyways generative AI started making more   and more progress and I really started feeling  like there could be a lot of start of potential   here I had been making and breaking a lot of  different startup ideas over the years with a   lot of my colleagues and friends including  my now co-founder emu I started working on   a legal Tech startup called Mar so I was working  on this throughout spring trying to find an exact   Market opportunity that they could work on while  simultaneously doing my PhD at MIT and also doing   a minor in business on ation at Harvard Business  School it's been pretty stressful but a very fun   and exciting Journey so far I vlogged a lot of  this in my ongoing startup Vlog series that you   can see over here and honestly I just found myself  really excited to work on a startup again it's by   no means relaxing I mean I have 12-hour non-stop  meetings and stuff like that going on all the time   but it just gives me that concrete goal and drive  in life that I was just lacking while only doing   research realistically there was just no way of  really working on a startup successfully while   pursuing a PhD so I really had to make make a  decision at this point and while it wasn't an   easy decision especially given that I had already  invested about 2 years in my MIT PhD it was just   something that was necessary I wanted to share  my story about my MIT PhD for a few reasons well   first because I think a lot of you found my  channel initially through my daa life video   at MIT or maybe through one of my how to get into  MIT videos that recorded recently and two because   I think there are a lot of you out there thinking  about doing a PhD at some point and maybe doubting   their decision you know what I'm not discouraging  anyone from doing or not doing a PhD but what   you should know is it's not wrong to question  something that you may have already invested a   lot of time into so if you're currently thinking  about whether or not it makes sense for you to do   a PhD chances are you probably shouldn't because  for a lot of us it's just a default thing to After   High School go to a bachelor's degree then get a  master's degree then a PhD and so on but I really   think that a PhD shouldn't be any kind of default  especially in STEM if you're not certain that you   want to become a researcher specifically you  you should not do a PhD quite a number of my   now former colleagues at the PHD program at MIT  actually had careers before starting their PhDs Some of them were Consultants at  McKinsey or Boston Consulting Group and others were engineers at Google or Tesla  and they realized that their real true passion   was research so it made a lot of sense for  them to actually do a PhD and specifically   these individuals are actually the best most  successful PhD candidates that I know but if   you are not certain that you want to become a  researcher or university Professor why delay   your career because that's really what a PhD does  it slows down the time until you become an actual   part of the workforce in some way it even delays  you growing up because you don't obtain all the   necessary skills that you actually need in  life and yes if you have a PhD and get the   job in Industry later you may be able to skip a  few years and get promoted a bit faster but the   reality is someone who joined at the age of 22  directly from a bachelor or master's degree in   most professions will be able to be ahead of you  even after many years to come do I regret having   started started my PhD at MIT in the first place  absolutely [ __ ] not cuz this was my ticket to   moving to the United States and meeting some  of the most intelligent and brilliant people   that I've ever met in my life also I was able  to do my minor in Business Administration at   Harvard Business School which is also where I  met my utter co-founder Connor and also built   an incredible network of people who are now  supporting me at revolutionizing the legal   industry right now despite all the struggles and  ups and downs I'm happier than I ever was before   I'm glad that Harvard and MIT enabled me to get  where I am right now and I'm als so glad that I   quit my MIT PhD to start a startup in conclusion  do not default to doing a PhD there's so many   incredible things that you can do in life outside  of Academia and if you realize that research is   really the one thing that you want to do you can  always go back and get your PhD let me know in   the comment section what you think about this  it's been around 9 months since I last made a   proper scripted video like this one right now so  if you liked it you can thank me by giving me a   thumbs up for the algorithm and writing a nice  comment below you can also check out the other   videos that I mentioned previously including my  startup Vlog series over here here and here thank   you so much for watching don't forget to subscribe  to my channel over here and I'll see you next time Take care!

Channel: Samuel Bosch

Views: 150,703

Keywords: mit, phd, harvard, quit phd, droppout, dropout, reserach, academia

Id: KfvaW7LTh_k

Length: 17min 9sec (1029 seconds)

Published: Sun Nov 12 2023