"I qUit hORMOnEs aNd So CaN You" (Trans Guy Reacts)

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what's going on you guys come in here and welcome back to my channel where today I'm gonna be reacting to a video that a lot of you guys sent me called I quit hormones and so can you a lot of people have been sending me this it's not just like one person sent me and said it's cringy like I mean I've been having at least like a hundred people asked me like what is my opinion on this video I have never watched it I've even watched a fucking second of it so we're gonna watch it and I'm probably gonna want to die here goes my happiness for the day so this looks cringy I guess we're just gonna fucking get into it and watch this video hey there internet my name is luck sander and today I wanted to talk to you about how I stopped taking testosterone on July 22nd last year and here's an update about that I've been off of T for a year now and so I thought I would just do an update the same way that I would do my transition updates so I'll just give you some physical things that have changed since I stopped taking tea maybe I'll mention a couple of things that haven't changed and then I want to talk a little bit about what it means for me to be off of testosterone and how I feel about it now we'll start with physical changes I have noticed I feel like if you go off of tee like if you're taking testosterone and it just generally made you uncomfortable it's interesting to me that you would like I don't know what this person identifies as but like I don't know if this person identifies is male but I'm just saying that like if you went on tee and being on tea made you uncomfortable being a dude made you uncomfortable I'm not sure how male you are but like I mean I guess they are non-binary it's a little bit like different yikes set my smell has gone back to more or less what it was before it is still a little bit more pinchy I want to describe the smell as being pinchy but it's definitely not I wouldn't say that my smell is um pinchy that's definitely not how okay I would describe that but okay what as strong as it was when I was on T my skin has gotten a lot softer while I was on tea I noticed like I would rub the back of my neck here and it felt strange like there was psoriasis or something on the back of my neck and there wasn't it was just that my skin was changing texture and so now that it's been about a year my skin doesn't feel as harsh and rough as it used to and it's also not as oily as it was and along with my skin being less oily of course I have less of an issue with acne next is hair I have noticed that my happy trail is gone it's gone rest in peace happy trail I have also been noticing on my legs my hair is still very thick on my lower leg but on my thigh the hairs that had turned black are basically back to being blonde and more fine now although they are still thicker than they were originally here's my question if you go up with tea does that just happen or do you have to like shave for it to happen I'm very confused about that one another thing I'm sure people would be curious about especially if you're watching this because you are considering going off of testosterone when your cycles start back up again they do start back up again I had my last testosterone shot on July 22nd and if I'm not mistaken I had my cycle pick up again in September so it really doesn't take very long for your body to recap I'd literally die like not to be dramatic but I would actually fucking die if something I can't even elaborate at least for me it didn't take very long I have always had very irregular cycles and they haven't really stopped being irregular since they started happening again but they're also not really different than before it's just like a thing that I didn't have to deal with for two years that came back and now it's I just don't know where my hormone levels are most the time is probably the most frustrating thing about it so like they weren't uncomfortable with it they just it was just like an annoyance that kind of sounds like someone I know who claimed that that was their only source of dysphoria anyways I will also briefly touch on the emotional changes that I've had again not a whole lot to say about the emotional changes because I have serious depression and I've been through a lot of trauma over the last few years and so it's really hard for me to say exactly what I saw the tweet the other day that really made a lot of sense to me and it's basically tweets saying like it's possible to be somebody that is trance and also has other mental health issues like a lot of trans people also have depression anxiety some even have body dysmorphia as well as done gender dysphoria but if you're somebody that has a lot of mental health issues and you think you're trans it's really really really important for you to see a therapist I think all trans people should but it's really important for those people specifically because it's more likely that your gender dysphoria your feelings of that are caused by another mental illness that you may have and you want to rule everything else out before you go to transitioning because transitioning is glorified in the media as something that's gonna fix all your problems when if you're not transit won't it'll make them worse so yeah you just got to be careful about going on hormones very careful I'm still pretty depressed I'm still considering doing like recovery type content on this channel because I just don't know what to do with myself so in that way t didn't really change much and going off of T didn't really I feel sad for them like I know that y'all were all sending me this video and there's still a lot left to watch and this could become some serious fuck a Sri but I feel really bad for them you know I think this is probably someone who struggles with a lot of mental illness issues and probably thought that hormones were gonna solve it and then they didn't and might have made things worse so in that sense I feel bad for this person now I want to break away a bit from the sort of standard formulaic way that I do these type of videos and just sort of talk to you about what I feel with my transition right now I'm actually not unhappy with going off of testosterone I'm I'm actually quite happy with where my body is right now in terms of the things that can be affected by hormones I am very underweight right now but that's an unrelated issue that I'm working on towards the end of me being on tea I felt like I really missed having curves and I really missed some of the feminine ways that my body looked and I have a lot of that back again I've lost a lot of weight so things like padding on my hips are not really there but more than not I am happier with the way that my body is right now because of the fact that I lost a bunch of weight in the form of fat but I still eat a lot of I'm really confused because if I don't again I don't know if they identify as a trans guy or not I don't know why you would go on t in the first place if you like thought you were gonna miss your feminine curves I don't really know why you would do that because it's like that's like testosterone very clearly changes it's gonna make your body look like a man not a boy you're not gonna become some little soft boy soft skin curves like boy you're gonna become a grown man that's what testosterone does to you protein and lifts things a lot I just have like solid guns just ha I don't even know what to do with that that was something I kind of didn't expect I did lose a decent portion of my upper body strength but I still have way more of it than I thought I would so again as far as my body goes I really don't have anything as far as being trans goes that is making me feel bad about my body I am experiencing some bottom dysphoria but that is its own video I think I think we can talk about that on its own time something that I find really interesting and that I just felt like sharing in this context is that y'all know I'm non-binary I don't identify as male or female I was okay so any of my points that I made about them being a male yaaay like we count that like I didn't know but I will say this if you're a non-binary again it is very important if you do not feel like a male it is very important for you to determine whether or not going on T is the right choice for you if you do not fully feel like a male testosterone you cannot pick and choose what happens you cannot pick and choose what changes you get testosterone is going to change you into a grown man again not like a half man half woman it's gonna change you into a man make sure you're very aware of that before you start testosterone a scientific male at birth so I've taken testosterone and even though I never identified as a trans man well for about a month anyway point being while I was on testosterone I did not identify as a train man but I felt a lot of kinship with trans men trans guys trans masculine people and that type of transition because that's what I was doing and so whenever I would watch someone else's updates you know I you know compare against my own updates now that I am off of testosterone and when I stopped taking it and my body's natural ability to produce estrogen just started overriding the hormones that I was using medically it's a weird feeling like I am transitioning in a feminine way like it's very weird and I don't want to anyone to think that this sounds rude but I feel like a kinship with trans women now - you did not just say that this is must be why people sent me no you are not a backwards you are somebody who went on t even though they're not a male you've said that clear you're not a male you decided to go on a male hormone even though you're not male and then you didn't like the chain you didn't like obviously most of it if you liked most of the changes from T you would have stayed on it so most of them you didn't like or at least there was something overwhelming about it that you didn't like that made you go off of it and now you're saying that you're feeling connected with trans women yeah I'm gonna tell you like that really does sound rude like it sounds really fucked up so don't say that and trans feminine people as I can be like oh my gosh you guys my skin feels so good and all of the trans women I know are like yes you know like they that's wacky as shit to say like you already had that before it's not like this is some new amazing thing for you like you have our this oh like I felt really bad for this person for a minute now those feelings of feeling better kind of going away so understand that experience and I can understand their experience like on a level that definitely would not have happened for me if I had not gone through testosterone and then been able to come off of testosterone and be able to actually understand like oh when your body goes from having testosterone in it - not having testosterone in it like it's a different feeling and it almost feels like a transition of itself people refer to it as a D transition I don't like that word I don't like using that word okay just because you don't like it doesn't mean it you you are somebody who went on hormones you are medically detransitioning I don't care whether you like it or not like that's what you're doing okay word to describe my experience because I'm not not trans like if anything I want to be emphatically clear that I feel more trans than ever in my whole life right now which is strange the idea I suppose would be if I am happy with being on estrogen effectively doesn't that just make me sis and it's like no because I've already changed my body enough that I don't think I can say my body is female and have that be an honest thing - oh my god I'm not gonna sit here and say that they're not trans I don't know enough about them to say whether or not I think so or not I mean they seem like they still look pretty androgynous and stuff like that and they're non-binary but it's just the also I don't identify as a woman so I'm trans by definition regardless of transition size just saying literally as long as you say you're trans you're trans I hate that no you can't just be trans you're born it you you're either born which is for you or you're not so if you don't have it you're not trans you know doesn't matter if you say you're a woman I could say I'm a bird all right I'm not I could say I have depression I don't okay this person like just because you say that you're a woman doesn't make you a woman fucking people say so it's like another transition but it's just me letting my body do what it does because I did testosterone enough to change it the whole point originally was to take it for a little while and then stop and I had like such agony over stopping taking it which made no sense because I already like I knew from the very beginning I would probably take it and then go off because I'm very happy with my voice and I don't really want chest hair and all of this stuff I don't know why I split so many hairs over it but it's probably because there's so much stigma in our community if we're being honest there is a lot of stigma around partial transition if that's a word that you want to use to call it there's stigma around not transitioning there's stigma around not having dysphoria I've actually been told recently but I okay so here's the thing though like it's one thing to like want to do what you did which is like okay look at something like Astrid Elle Ashley doesn't go in because ash doesn't want the changes from tea they got Top surgery they're happy good for them you know what I mean it's not that we're like trying to say that you're not like trans what we're trying to say is that you made a really dumb decision like you don't identify as a man but you decided to go on male hormones and like you'd like knew what you're getting yourself into like I guess I don't fully understand people who like go on T for a partial amount of time because like you never know when things are really gonna start changing like you can't plan for that it just kind of seems irresponsible you know I think going in and see like if you want to stop you should really really really think about it and be like I need to make sure that I am okay with this permanent thing happening to my body regardless if I end up stopping it or not there are obviously things that you became unhappy with that you knew we're gonna happen from the beginning so that's what just sounds really dumb I am the like epitome of non-binary because when people look at me they're like but what but what are you and also where did you start I actually can't tell that's the weirdest thing to be honest with you friends friends and family people thinking that I was assigned male at birth is just a really weird thing and I've had people who will use he/him pronouns on accident and they're like oh my god I feel so bad because they think that I'm a mob and I'm like no I'm like honey it's okay it's fine so I guess if I am NOT I'm assuming this person is a chase Ross fan considering they said hunting binary and I want people to perceive me as non-binary then I'm doing a pretty good job and while we're here I wanna I mean I must say true like you do present really uncharged nests make it emphatically clear to any trans people who need to hear it it's okay for you to go on and off hormones it's okay for you to not even be sure if you start hormones if this is the right thing for you it's a thing let's not say that wow that was a lot to say for you okay no no hormones is a really really really really really really really huge choice you should not be going on hormones if you aren't sure that's really fucked up of you to say I'm you are like a 20 year old person like why would you ever encourage people to go on hormones they aren't sure that's that's actually really fucked up if you do so just can try and and be like wow that actually didn't turn out great for me that's that's a fine thing to do it's okay you can experiment with your body and your transition and your clothing and you can it's one thing to experiment your clothing it's another to experiment with your whole motherfucking body to literally permanently change your body in ways that you won't like that's just so immature and reckless to do so talk to a therapist about these things and if you choose to go on testosterone or estrogen therapy whichever one you can come off of it no it doesn't matter how long it is it doesn't matter what you identify as even if I identify it as a binary trans man if I stopped testosterone that would be perfectly valid I could still identify as a trans man to me that's what I mean like yeah whatever but like that's a little wacky to me like if you're a trans guy and you go on T and you're binary and you don't and you didn't like the changes from T that's a little weird to me I'm like if you're trying to say that your brain is male and that you're like a man and you're a trans man but you go on T and you get uncomfortable um I don't know if I would call you a trans guy not sure about that one chief and be a man and not be on hormones it is not required of you or of me or of anyone to go through any kind of medical transition in order to validate your trans identity this is something that I've struggled with before because when I was pre T I considered myself female and I considered myself like genderqueer so I was just a genderqueer female bodied person I didn't really feel like I could genderqueer female I do not understand what non-binary people call themselves a man or a woman like you are I don't that's so contradictory to me call myself trans though I was genderqueer but I didn't think I could call myself trans and it took a little bit of work for me to be like okay it doesn't matter if I'm on hormones I can still call myself trans and then when I started hormones all of a sudden it was something for me to point to as legitimacy look at this prescription look at what I'm doing to my body don't you see me now am I not valid now you don't need so you went on hormone so that people would call you trans is what I'm hearing I really I don't even like think this person is that fault I think that people online are at fault for like putting this person at that spot shame on the sjw's for that man shame on y'all shame on y'all because this person is obviously has a lot of shit going on shame on y'all man for that to do that in order to be valid in your identity at all and I felt terrible and I still feel terrible that I will use that as a way of legitimizing my trans identity like hey you think that non-binary people aren't really trans because they don't have dysphoria and don't transition but like I have dysphoria and I transitioned so like my trans or not it's perfectly okay for you to do ya know nobody ever said that non-binary people who have dysphoria in transition aren't trans I've always said that I will fight that like if there's somebody that says oh non-binary you some trans like no no like non-binary people who have dysphoria and transition not mold who have dysphoria are trans you'll have to transition to be trans you don't have to medically transition at least I'm tired fuck I'm tired of this thirteen minutes I'll never get back to do whatever you feel is going to make you happy in your body and you don't have to D transition in order to change your medication regimen you literally don't have to do anything because you identify a certain way and you don't have to identify a certain way just because you're going through a certain type of transition you don't have to have surgery you don't have to go on hormones if you do go on hormones you can come off at any time surgery is a little bit less revocable but you know what I mean that's all I had for this one I yo is really spreading that it's okay to experiment with surgery and hormones let's not do that let me just let y'all know that is a really dumb thing that you could do that's probably one of the dumbest things you could do in life is experiment with surgery and hormones I'm gonna I'm gonna end this here cuz I think that they're done they're done talking learning lesson here isn't ramp pause words kiddos number one I mean this person has dysphoria but number one don't transition if you don't have dysphoria number two if you like your feminine body don't transition medically and number three if you're not a male be very careful about going on testosterone number four is harm to tell people to experiment with hormones and surgery it's one thing experiment with clothing with pronouns with things like of that nature if you have dysphoria and if you're you know actually feeling transgender it's really important to experiment and figure out what labels feel best for you and the most comfortable for you as long as you have dysphoria okay whether how that presents itself in you whether if you have dysphoria but and I'm only saying that because if you transition without this for you medically or socially you're going to get dysphoria so be very careful and all these people who say they don't have dysphoria and they're like well I didn't get this for after transition I'm like you had disorient like this person is spreading a lot of harmful shit I don't think that's their intention I don't think they want to be harmful or anything like that but I just want you guys to be aware that that is really harmful don't ever tell people to experiment with hormones and surgery I mean I would think that that just goes for itself but ya know it's not something you should be experimenting with make sure you're sure before making irreversible medical decisions you're just gonna make your life harder okay so yeah thank you guys for watching if you enjoyed it hit the like button subscribe down below if you knew and I'll see you guys next time I love your face look at oh I didn't show you guys this I was going to UM I got these swords tattooed on my thumbs they're curved and I do like that it's better off to just just show you like that but yeah I got those swords tattooed for you guys I love you guys and yeah I will see you guys next time peace out

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Channel: Kalvin Garrah

Views: 826,214

Rating: 4.8489237 out of 5

Keywords: ftm, trans, transgender, ftm trans, ftm transgender, kalvin garrah, i quit hormones and so can you

Id: TUyzvd8ZO4U

Channel Id: undefined

Length: 20min 51sec (1251 seconds)

Published: Sat Feb 02 2019

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