"I only date ugly men" | The Psychology Of "Dating Down" In Looks

foreigners or that he's like a loser and has no friends so if you've seen the videos like this I just want to know if you'll agree with what I'm about to say I feel like these girls are actually very insecure I feel like they're a reason that they're attracted to guys like this is because they feel more secure within themselves if they're with someone that they think is beneath them they think this person will see the volume in them and be so obsessed with them I wouldn't think to like cheat or you know disrespect them in any way but the crazy thing is they end up getting disrespected and cheated on anyways and then let's say you have a messy breakup and then they get salty afterwards then their comeback is gonna be like okay yeah he was a loser anyways he wasn't attendant he wasn't on my level but I feel like the deeper question you should be asking yourself is why are you going for people like that instead of going for people on your level and walking away when you see the first time in disrespect yeah I completely agree with that and perhaps you've seen it for yourself often times and very attractive man or woman will date down in terms of physical looks and purely unfaith's physical looks and the scientific literature calls this a mismatched couple now people can date down intelligence or maybe in wealth there's so many factors you can either date up or down in because again not everyone is equal that it doesn't work like that physical looks is the most studied feature in the scientific literature because it's the most visible one and outside side observers so me and you walking on the street when we see a couple like this we often have very mixed feelings about it and that's what science wants to find out why do we feel this way reading through the comments it seems that the tick tock commenters also have mixed feelings about this some say that it's a defense mechanism like this woman here who if you can't read it says when he thinks he's a 10 because he pulled you but you like ugly men which is pretty funny to me but um yeah so some say defense mechanisms 100 right definitely a girl uh they are super insecure you only attract where you are I want my partner to be well like attractive and have friends outside of me I agree that's that's me as well but let's try to understand why this idea exists so this is one of the older research papers on what's known as Equity Theory so Equity Theory is basically saying that we make up for a deficiency in physical looks in a mismatched couple so again differences purely on physical looks by compensating it for it with something else maybe that other member who is not as attractive is very intelligent very wealthy there's so many other things that we can't see other than physical looks so going through it the Equity Theory of intersexual attraction offers a tentative explanation for discrepancies again in mismatched couples according to Equity Theory important attributes besides pleasing physical characteristics example intelligence play a role in heterosexual interaction if an unattractive person possesses a large number of non-physical qualities he might be deemed highly desirable and able to attract a physically appealing mate similarly a physically attractive individual who has nothing else to offer will not be considered desirable and be forced to settle for someone who is less attractive and so it's just funny to me um and both amrada and that girl in The Tick Tock are admitting to the audience in a very round about way that they don't have much to offer other than their physical looks because according to Equity Theory again it's a theory that somebody who is physically attractive but dates down must not have whole lot to offer and therefore must not be seen as a desirable mate to somebody who is on their equal league in physical attractiveness but also has other desirable non-physical qualities as the lady in the original Tick Tock video was telling us one of the reasons that she hypothesizes is because people do this to secure themselves a partner who won't cheat on them so ultimately this comes from a fear of insecurity the the idea stems from insecurity and that's one reason which I do agree with if you are insecure as a partner in a relationship you're going to choose somebody who you expect to not cheat on you but the thing is cheetahs will cheat the physical attractiveness discrepancy difference in physical attractiveness has nothing to do with whether they cheat or not and there's actual research on this I'll see if I'll save that for another video but we did cover this on the podcast episode in an episode called the fear of dying alone so I'll give you the rundown of what the summary of that podcast episode was all the research basically when we tend to date down for one reason or another people with a high fear of dying alone generally more attractive people tend to date down because they feel that if they don't find a partner they will die alone and in that sense they have to justify to themselves why they have dated down in physical attractiveness by having some form of cognitive dissonance now cognitive dissonance is basically having two ideas two contrasting ideas in your head and trying to basically lie to yourself some people say it's a cope you may have heard cope code in the comments that's cognitive dissonance where you're lying to yourself to justify an otherwise uncomfortable truth so when somebody dates down because they have a high fear of dying alone then they're undergoing some form of cognitive dissonance to justify to themselves that I'm dating down not because I care about looks but because this person is is very intelligent they're very smart they're wealthy they're this they're that they're very loving caring so all of a sudden then we start to look for non-physical characteristics but the very biology of human nature is that we've always cared about physical characteristics first so only when that's not an option funnily enough we start we tend to care about other things and I'll show you the research on that in this video as well because they're both of those ideas the fear of dying alone and Equity Theory tie into the same framework basically so in this particular paper and I know it's an older paper but again I just want to go to where this idea first came about previous investigations have not gathered the data necessary to support or refute this hypothesis so again it's just a theory at this stage at least in the 1970s War State until 1978 noted that persons who reported themselves to be the more attractive member of a couple indicated that their Partners had compensating qualities this right here is an example of the cognitive dissonance that I was just talking about you you say that you are the most more attractive couple and when somebody asks why are you dating this person you say oh it's because they have this this and this or I don't care about physical looks I'm not a shallow person but the reality is we all care about physical looks we all do because it is in our biological imperative it is in our best interest to care about physical looks so that we can choose the best chances for our future Offspring regardless unfortunately birthstride and WildStar have observed that there is no no worthy correlation between self-related attractiveness and actual attractiveness people are not much more accurate at evaluating their Partners although it can be concluded that persons who feel that they are more attractive than their consort or their Partners believe their partners are superior in other areas and whether this belief is accurate remains to be confirmed so that's the most important part of this basically we think that they're more better in something else other than looks far easier to measure you can tell when two members of a couple are mismatched whereas with intelligence with wealth those other aspects you can't really tell from gland so in that sense it's a bit more objective we tend to say oh no they're more intelligent than they really are oh no they are more loving and caring and basically these non-tangible things you can't really hold or touch or measure um to justify why we're with those Partners this is from burshard's other paper and I want to touch on this as well so he basically explains this with the matching hypothesis now give you the rundown very quickly of the matching hypothesis we tend to choose the partners that we think we have the best Chances with that's that's straightforward so we want to maximize our attractiveness partner the part the attractiveness of our partner and we want to minimize the rejection rate just like optimizing like in a in a code or in a game or something like that we want to optimize our hit rate with our um failure rate that makes sense but when we date down we we it's like giving up the attractiveness um part of that equation in favor of maximizing our success rate so when that lady at the beginning the second lady who was stitching the video was explaining that people who do this people who date down and you know they quote unquote into ugly men which I think is is a very condescending way of putting it they're doing so to maximize the hit rate um the success rate lowered the rejection rate but in reality the theory um this idea this framework doesn't actually work out because again men who men who want to achieve will cheat regardless uh women who want to cheat will also cheat regardless here's something interesting interestingly while physical attractiveness appears to be the biggest correlated and predictor it rarely appears as the most important when directly asked of subjects attributes like personality and character usually rank higher either these people are not aware of how important physical attractiveness is in the selection criteria or they are not fully honest I've said this many times I even there's another podcast episode on this where we use a couple of research studies on what what's it called field dating dating experiments you know like speed dating experiments and basically every time physically attractiveness being physically attractive was the highest determinant of whether you would get a successful day outcome or not more recent papers on the topic perceptions of a mismatch coupled 2022 basically found that when the woman is significantly more attractive than the man other men see it as an opportunity to do what's known as mate coaching basically come into the relationship and take the woman away because you know her man is not doing it for her in whatever way especially physically then it's you're competing against other men now to me that seems like a hellish scenario if especially as a man uh because not only do I feel more insecure in this relationship if the if my partner is significantly more attractive than me but also now I have to compete against other men at a much greater rate uh conversely what the research paper found is that when the woman is less attractive than the man then men desire to make copy which means that they will basically do the same thing so they will also find a woman who is less attractive than them and in that sense they're happier because I I can only assume that they think that she's not going to leave because um again there's that mismatch so to me you can look at it from two directions one if a woman who is significantly more attractive than you is willing to date you as a less attractive man a glass half full a positive approach might be that she sees things in you other than your physical looks like maybe she thinks you're very intelligent or you have good fatherly characteristics for the long run that's that's a good thing but on the glass half empty the negative perspective it makes you question what is it that she gets out of this relationship because again under Equity Theory she must have I mean that's what the theory says she must have nothing to offer other than her physical looks and just personally thinking about it it would seem like a pretty hellish scenario because you're always going to be competing with other men at a much greater rate at a much more increased radio there's always going to be guys coming left and right saying oh I can do better than your man I'm better than your man for whatever reason it just seems like a power Dynamic it just seems like an unfair power Dynamic and I don't think it's very healthy for a relationship just in general for one partner to feel like they're better than the other [Music]

Channel: QOVES Studio

Views: 240,617

Keywords: facetune, instagram airbrush, facial aesthetics, attractive face subliminal, attractive face tips, how to get a beautiful face, rate my face, beautiful face affirmations, lookism, jaw exercise, modelling, modelling faces, vogue, hamza, sneako, andrew tate, pretty privilege exists, pretty privilege, mens self help, self improvement, looskmax, ugly men, dating down in looks, mismatched couples, beautiful girl ugly guy couple, hypergamy, women dating up, unnattractive men

Id: LHlBe4J3UVk

Length: 11min 24sec (684 seconds)

Published: Fri Sep 16 2022